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146. CUT OFF · Your Enriched Self

0:00
So it's time for our gratitude check. And this week, instead of me
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telling you what I'm grateful for, I want to give you some gratitude check
0:10
in prompts. I want you to really start thinking about and immersing yourself in
0:16
a space of gratitude. And I have a couple of gratitude check questions for
0:22
you. The first one is, and I think we take for granted that
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life is a class. We are in life class and every day there's an
0:33
opportunity to learn a lesson, to be reminded of something. So I want
0:38
you to think about something that you learn today, because I don't believe that
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we often spend time doing the reflective work that we need to and that learning
0:49
that we gain today or yesterday are tools that you're going to need in the
0:54
future, so why not be grateful for them? Now. Another gratitude check
1:00
question is what is a memory that you are grateful for. I'm sure you
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can go back five minutes ago, maybe five hours ago, five days ago,
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five months ago, five years ago, it doesn't matter. I'm sure
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you can go back and find a memory in your experience, in your life,
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experience, in your community, in your circle that you are grateful for
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here's another question, once a random act of kindness that you experienced or that
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you witnessed. I think oftentimes when you think about your experience, it's easy
1:42
to be grateful for something that somebody did for you that was a random act
1:47
of kindness. But I think it's also a good feeling to know that you
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live in a world where there's still good and kind people, and so being
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able to wit a random act of kindness is really a good feeling, and
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I know I'm grateful for it. And the final gratitude prompt that I want
2:07
you to think about is what is the one thing that made you smile recently?
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Your smile is your best accessory and a lot of us don't put that
2:20
on sometimes, and so I want you to be reminded. I want you
2:23
to look for places and spaces in your life where you can smile. Remember,
2:29
gratitude is a life hack, and nothing new will come into your life
2:35
until you are grateful for what you have. Now, Hello, my friends
2:52
from all across the globe, and welcome to your enrich Self podcast. I
2:58
am your host, my name, I am a mindset coach and your mindset
3:04
advocate and all that means is I know that you are busy. I know
3:07
that there's a lot happening in your world, and so that's why I created
3:13
this space, this platform and curated topics so that we can be intentional each
3:19
and every week to help you become more of your enriched self. And in
3:24
order to do that, you're gonna have to be intentional about your thoughts,
3:29
your activity, the words, and the things that you do, because all
3:34
of that helps you become the best version of yourself. And I know if
3:37
you're listening to this podcast, you want to in fact be the best version
3:40
of yourself. And that's what we do here each and every week. Now,
3:45
if you are new to this podcast, I want to welcome you,
3:49
and I want to thank you for being here. I know that you were
3:51
brought here on purpose, for a purpose, and if you are a repeat
3:57
listener, listen because of you. We are episode one hundred and forty six,
4:02
and we are just a few weeks away from celebrating our one hundred and
4:08
fifty aeth episode, and I have something planned for us. So I'm so
4:11
excited more to come in the upcoming weeks and through socials. So stay and
4:16
pay close attention to the details as they come about, but save the date.
4:21
Save the date. I'm going to be going live on Saturday, June
4:27
eighth, So more details to come, but save the date for Saturday,
4:30
June eight, I will be doing a live one hundred and fifty eeth episode,
4:34
so very very excited about that. But I want to thank all my
4:38
repeat listeners because of you. We are where we are. We have a
4:43
podcast, we have great conversation each and every week, and this week is
4:47
no short of that. Now, before we get started, if you know
4:50
you know, one of the things that I do here on the podcast is
4:55
I make a deposit in the bank of you, and I do that by
4:59
way of affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to start your day and to
5:05
command your morning. And this week's affirmation is I am capable of making tough
5:15
decisions. I am capable of making tough decisions. I am capable of making
5:26
tough decisions. Now, let's get ready for this week's episode of the Your
5:32
Enriched Self podcast. Oh it's early May, but I cannot help but think
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about as swinging into the month of June, which will take us to the
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midway halfway point of twenty twenty four. And I'm sure when you step into
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twenty twenty four, you had visions for the year, You had plans.
5:56
There were things that you had planned on executing, places you wanted to go,
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things you wanted to do, and for some of you, you may
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not quite be where you thought you would be at this point in time.
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I'm here to offer you some pause and give you some grace and say,
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listen, you still have time to make some things happen. But what if
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I were to offer you how you can change the direction and the trajectory of
6:23
your particular situation of the rest of your year by one thing. And that
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one thing is really going to be and require a mindset shift, and that
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mindset shift is around your decisions. Your decisions are going to have to change,
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how you see them, how you execute them, how you think about
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them. I want to offer you that your decisioning process needs to change,
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and this is the best time to start making reflection, taking inventory and understanding
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what has kept you back. And so we're going to take a look today
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into choice versus decision, and I want you to know that there is a
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distinct difference, and we're going to talk about some of the distinctions between the
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two. But I want to start this Mindset Shift series to kind of bring
7:29
us back to square one. The root of this podcast is to challenge and
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to bring new perspectives to your mind because if you think about it, a
7:40
lot of the things, a lot of the thoughts and the belief systems that
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you have brought into this year and into your life based on how you were
7:48
reared, etc. Those for the longest time have been your guardrail on how
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you see life and how you perceive things to be. And I want to
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challenge you to begin to challenge some of those limited mindset or limited views that
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have been part of your whole story. That story point is no longer working
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for the future you. It may have served a play in the past,
8:20
but today and tomorrow and the future, it's not going to work. And
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so that's what this series on choice versus Decision Now, when you think of
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choice, choice is one of the most powerful tools you have when it comes
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to living in life. For example, if you want to purchase a vehicle,
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you want to have choices, right, And I've been there before,
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where you know, my early twenties, I didn't have credit, I didn't
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have what I needed, and so I went out there to buy a car,
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and I was limited on what I was being offered based on my particular
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credit at the time, and so I didn't have a lot of choice.
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So I made sure to start equipping myself as I started getting a little bit
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older, and also as I'm talking to my kids about making sure that you
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get yourself in a position where you have multiple streams of choice. I know
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people talk about multiple streams of income, but you have to have multiple streams
9:24
of choice so that you have that power and you can exercise that power.
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So that is a power you have. But choice precedes decision. The first
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thing you have to know is that you have a choice ahead of you,
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and then you make a decision. And we'll talk about what that means and
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how those two things are different, distinctly different, but how they interact with
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each other. And I must say that the process of making a decision is
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a challenge. And I heard a quote that works really well with this conversation
10:03
about decisions versus choices, and here's how it goes. Decisions are the hardest
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thing to make, especially when it's a choice between where you should be and
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where you want to be. And when I heard that, of course it
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made sense for where we're taking the conversation today, but it made me start
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to peel back the onion a little bit because I started to see, just
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from that one quote, a difference between the decision and the choice. Now,
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if you read back the quote, it says a choice between where you
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should be and where you want to be. Where you should be when I
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peel that back, sounds like a destination. Right. That's kind of a
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future state because there's a lot of planning to get to a destination. And
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I'm not just talking about running down the street to the local store. I'm
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talking about you're planning a trip out of town, maybe you're taking a flight,
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maybe you're driving eight hours to a city to visit family and friends.
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That's the destination, right, that's where you should be. There's a lot
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of vision, there's a lot of planning, there's process, there's details involved
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in getting all the details around your destination versus a place you wanna be.
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The wanna be is kind of that fleshly need, the thing that you want
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to satisfy in the now. So you start hearing this destination, which kind
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of gives a destiny and that future down the road path and the place you
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want to be is more of the here and now right. It's the difference
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between taking a trip out of town and making a choice between should I go
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to Walmart or should I go to Target? A Walmart maybe closer. You
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prefer Target, but it's closer for where you need to be. You don't
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have a whole lot of time, and you make them very quickly because they're
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very time bound. With decisions, you have more time to think about it,
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to do the research on it, et cetera. And so there's a
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lot involved with getting to that decision point. So I hope you're starting to
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see a distinction between decision and choice where you see that one has more weight
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than the other. This is the piece that I want to offer to you
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today to really have you rethink how you've looked at the decisions you've made.
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Because this really got me. So I did a little research to help us
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dig even deeper beyond those distinctions that I mentioned. And one of the things
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that I learned from looking at the root of the word decision is that it
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has Latin roots, and the word decide comes from the Latin word The said
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dere d e c I d e r e. And that's the combination of
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two words dead d e which is off, and saidare which is cut.
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Hear what this tells us from the root word, when you are making a
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decision, you need to be prepared to cut some things off. You need
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to literally decide to cut things off except for the things that matter the most.
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And so, now, if you go back to where you are right
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now relative to where you should be, let's take a backtrack of the decisions
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that have left you here or have kept you here. In those decision points,
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were you doing the work cutting things out that did not align with your
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value system? What does that look like? You may need to cut out
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some people. There may be some people in your inner circle. And I'm
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not telling you to go out there and make enemies. I'm telling you that
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sometimes there are people in your inner circle that are not helping you on the
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journey of where you're going. And if you listen to your mamas and your
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grandmamas and your mentors, they'll tell you there's some people that can go only
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far with you on your journey. And this may be in fact, where
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the journey ends for some of your friends or some of the people you associate
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with, because the road ahead is going to require a lot of process.
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The decisioning ecosystem requires a lot from you, and there are going to be
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people that can't go down the road with you. When you're making those decisions,
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you may have to cut off an environ that you've been surrounded by,
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or an environment you've entered that may not be the right environment that is conducive
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to your growth, to your transformation, to your new perspectives. This is
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a season where you got to move. You've got to go into a new
15:16
space to have a new perspective, because if this space you've been occupying is
15:22
giving you the exact same perspective, I'm here to tell you you're not on
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a growth trajectory. You're not going to have the transformation you're looking for,
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and you're not going to be able to see things from a different point of
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view. Some other things you might have to cut off. You might have
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to cut off the old belief systems. There may be belief systems that have
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guided you your whole life, and I've said that here on the podcast.
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Is so important for you to define what it looks like for you to be
15:52
successful, and it may not be what culture is saying. There was a
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time in my life I heard in culture that women over a certain age they're
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not able to lose weight. So I started to believe in this mindset.
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I started to adopt that belief system and just thought, well, it was
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it's just gonna be hard for me to do this. Yeah, it's gonna
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be hard for me to do this. What I've come to learn is because
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I want to make a change, but I wasn't willing to make new food
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choices. I also had to start seeing food as fuel. Now, when
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I started those shifts, I started to see myself in a position where,
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in fact, I can lose the weight because now I have a new perspective.
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Now I have a new design, a new thinking design around this particular
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topic. And so that's why I say it's important to go do your own
16:45
research and then conclude with your definition of what success looks like. Otherwise you're
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gonna buy into what someone said, which they heard from someone that said someone
16:56
else had said, and now you get the thing like telephone, and that's
17:02
now your new life path. And that's not fair to you, that's not
17:07
fair to the future. You that's waiting for you on the other side of
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all of this. So it's important to cut off some things that you can't
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carry into the season that you're going into. Mindsets, belief systems, people,
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places, and your behavior, your activity and inactivity. You're gonna have
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to cut that off. And I know that you want to be in the
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place that you should be, and you'll get there, but it's gonna start
17:38
with making decisions. And once you start applying these decisions, you're gonna be
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insanely powerful in your own life. And that's what you want. The truth
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about decisions is this, when you make a decision, you're not making a
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decision in a silo. It's not often a solo pursuit. Decisions affect us,
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but in essence they can affect other people. Going back to my scenario
18:06
about not eating right, I'm saying I want this thing, but I'm keeping
18:11
in place. I'm not cutting them out. I can potentially put myself in
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a health crisis in the future. Now that puts my family, my children,
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my husband in a position now where they have to care for me differently
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because now I need medication, I need to go have doctor visits. So
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do you see how your decisions today. Yes, it's my decision, it's
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my life, all of those things, and I want you to be aware
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of that as you are thinking about your decision process. Now, there are
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some questions I want you to begin to ask yourself as you start to get
18:52
serious about the things you need to cut off. I want you to now
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ask yourself questions. I believe the combination of cutting out the things that don't
19:00
matter anymore or don't matter most don't prioritize on a line along with asking yourself
19:07
these questions, I think that's going to make your decisioning a powerful part of
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getting you where you should be. The first question that I believe would be
19:22
helpful what would life be like if I did or didn't do this? I'm
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going to repeat the question, what would life be like if I did or
19:32
didn't do this? Let's go back to my health example. What if I
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decided that I wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't get up in the morning and
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go work out. I would keep the same diet that I had been adopting
19:45
for the last maybe ten fifteen years and just lived my life. But what
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if I decided that I would make the change which is what I did.
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I decided that I was going to make the change on this journey as far
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as I can go. Have I gone as far as I can go?
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No? Is there more to do? Yes? Am I gonna continue?
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Absolutely? And so that's what that question is gonna help you do. You're
20:11
gonna start to engage with the people around you, to people in your home.
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Right about this When I started my fitness journey, like I said,
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part of it is getting up in the morning and deciding to go for the
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workout, and the other part is coming home and making the right decisions when
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it comes to my fuel choices. Now that means that I'm shopping differently,
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That means that I'm cooking differently. The other question to ask yourself is,
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and this is one that we talked about a little bit, is does this
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choice align with my values and priorities. That's gonna help you determine if in
20:48
fact the choice you're making is helpful to you, and if in fact,
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once you have the choices laid out, how you go about making a decision.
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I'm gonna give you an example. Last year, my daughter went to
21:03
an immersive two week immersive camp for students in the arts the director. We
21:10
had a two hour orientation about the camp, what it was going to be
21:15
all about, all the things, all the expectations, everything. And what
21:21
I loved about this director is he said right off the bat, I'm not
21:26
going to recommend to any of you the best school for you to go to.
21:30
Instead, what I'm going to ask you is to think about the following
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things when you go off to school. If there is an emergent matter at
21:41
home, how long do you want it to take for you to get home?
21:45
Do you want it to be a car drive away? Do you want
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to have to hop on a plane? If so, how long is that
21:52
flight? Is that something you can stand? Is that something you can withstand?
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What type of weather do you want to have? Do you want to
22:03
have a change of weather? What type of weather do you thrive in?
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I get it when you talk about universities, you want to find out the
22:11
best of the best schools, the ranking and all of those things, But
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none of those things matter if your values don't align with what the school does
22:23
and what the school is, and where the school is, and how If
22:29
you value family and you're far away from your family and it's difficult for you
22:32
to get to your family that school choice or the decision can easily be made
22:38
from that point, from that point of view, from that point of understanding.
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And it was the first time I had heard someone take that position on
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how to help students think about their decisions. Not just the school ranking,
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not just the Big ten, not just that type of thing, but what
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would you your experience need to look like? Can you see yourself at this
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university for the next four years? Do the values of the school align with
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who you are? I know, when my daughter did a college tour,
23:15
one of the professors had talked about mental health and how that was important to
23:19
the university, and she hadn't heard that before. Of course, that's something
23:26
that's coming up and it's popular, but they made a point, you're in
23:30
the orientation to talk about the importance of mental health, and I think that
23:34
was one of the values that she had. She values her mental health,
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probably more so than I did. When I was her age enter in college,
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I didn't even think about, or know about, or even talk about
23:47
mental health. But it is a very prominent discussion right now. And when
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you hear people talk about something in a space that you want to call home
23:55
for the next four years and that aligns to your value system. That helps
23:59
clear up which choices should be on the table, and then that helps you
24:03
make better decisions. And then the final question that I think is so important
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is have you talked about this with a trusted friend, with a counselor with
24:15
a loved one, with a spouse, with whomever in your life, somebody
24:18
that's trusted. Now. I know people might want to push back on this
24:22
because some people are private. If you are in a life where you don't
24:27
have anybody that you can talk to about the things that are important to you,
24:32
I don't like that life for you. So you might need to get
24:34
around a new set of people so that you can have these candid discussions and
24:40
you can be vulnerable without feeling hurt or being hurt in the future. What
24:45
I'm saying here this is not to get the validation of your friends and family,
24:49
your loved ones. If you wanted to get the validation of anyone,
24:53
it should be what you need to validate yourself. It's important to help you
25:02
say out loud the thing that you're trying to do because oftentimes a lot of
25:07
the decisions, the decisioning process, it lives in your head. No one
25:14
can get in there until you let it out, and you're trying to weigh
25:18
the pros and cons. You're trying to do it all by yourself. And
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listen, some people like to wear s on their chests and do it all
25:23
by themselves. But here's what I say. You can do it by yourself,
25:30
but you can get there further and faster with a loving community around you.
25:37
So it's important to present these things so that you can hear yourself saying
25:42
the thing. And as you hear yourself sometimes you're like, oh, wait,
25:47
I didn't you know what na that you said that, or you know,
25:49
as I'm thinking about this, or as I'm talking about this, this
25:52
just came up for me. And so that's what it allows you to do,
25:56
okay, is to have those covers stations out loud so you can take
26:00
your inside voice outside and then start to you know, finesse and massage the
26:07
things that you're hearing yourself say. I really want you to do some homework
26:12
this week. I want you to look at the decision that you have to
26:18
make, or decisions you have to make. Yet in twenty twenty four,
26:23
maybe you've made some decisions and here's the thing. It's okay to change your
26:29
mind about a decision, but what I want you to do is now apply
26:33
this process of the root word of the side, which is to cut off.
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I don't know what you need to cut off. I don't know if
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it's a person, a place, a thing, a mindset, a belief
26:47
system, an activity, a behavior, whatever it is that you need to
26:51
cut off. I want you to write down the decision that you have,
26:56
write down the destination that you're going to, and in the middle column,
27:00
I want you to write down all the things that you're gonna have to cut
27:04
off so you can meet your future self on the other side. I hope
27:15
you enjoyed this week's episode of the urine Red sub podcast. And the only
27:18
way I'm gonna know this is if you leave me some feedback. Feedback is
27:22
a gift and it is free to give, and I would like to hear
27:26
from you. I would like to know what resonated with you regarding this week's
27:30
episode. Now here's how you leave feedback on the platform in which you listen
27:34
to this podcast. Follow the stars. When you get there, leave a
27:37
five star rating. But in all seriousness, when you get there, you
27:41
can share your feedback on this podcast and that helps us. And when you
27:48
share your feedback on this podcast, it helps others find us in these podcast
27:53
streets. So we would definitely appreciate that you can also share this episode with
28:00
your friends and family right from the podcast. So right from the podcast platform
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in which you're listening to this episode, hit the share button and send it
28:07
to the last three to five people that you spoke with today. Also,
28:12
you can share this on your socials. You can find me primarily on Instagram
28:18
because that's my jam, that's where I am. You can find me at
28:21
my Enriched Self that's m y E N R C h E D s E
28:26
l F. And you can hashtag this episode. You can tag me.
28:30
I would love to hear from you, so you can showcase your friends and
28:33
families and those in the social streets what you're listening to and what's feeding you
28:37
mind, body and spirit. I also want you to check out the show
28:41
notes. In the show notes, we have the affirmation of the Week,
28:45
the quote of the week, and there you can also find my Amazon shop.
28:49
The ur and Rich Self shop has two items right now, a journal
28:55
which is the Show Up Everyday Journal as well as the show up everyday notebook,
29:00
so check those out in my Amazon shops. And finally, take what
29:04
you can from this episode and do what you must in the next one hundred
29:10
and sixty eight hours so that you can become more of your enriched self until
29:18
we meet again.