Latest / Long Haul Marriage Roadcast / Brandon and Lindsey - From Hopeless to Helpers, a Marriage Mediation Intensive Testimony

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Brandon and Lindsey - From Hopeless to Helpers, a Marriage Mediation Intensive Testimony · Long Haul Marriage Roadcast

• 0:21
  Speaker 1: And we are rolling, guys.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: It does hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, So we have with
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: us today Brandon and Lindsay, Charles, thank you.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: So so y'all look like you have the same background.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Brandon took all the professional lights and put on himself.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: And wait, I want to know about the flowers. Tell
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: me about the flowers.
• 0:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we celebrated eight years on eight years.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Yes, and if you multiply that time is four. Now
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: you're still three years. Shy of how long This old
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: couple of life calls life gold.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I got to show this off. How about this?
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Get them, get them, get them?
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Well, we are excited, man, we can't wait to get
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: into this. Uh, it's the coolest story. We met you
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: guys in South Lake at our EXO mediation training and
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: so we we were we heard about this through David
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Janet Tatum, and Janet really said, man, you guys would
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: love I think this could be something that could be
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: such a cool tool for your tool belt as you
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: guys launched into long haul marriage and so and it's
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: not when people hear mediation they think immediately divorce, right,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: And this is marriage reconcilliation mediation training. And so we
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: did this practimum uh practicum with a really cool couple,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: uh Randy and Debbie Stroman, And that comes into play later.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: So and then we did our in person training and
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: we went.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: To the Excel Marriage Institute and we were sitting there
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and you know how they do the little you know,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: name tense and they assign you seats at a table
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: and Jamie and I walk in. We didn't know anybody there,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: and we look around and we're like, Okay, who are
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: these randos.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: At our table? Here? There's this Brandon and lindsay, you
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: know and so and.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Y'all are taking to say that you're thinking they let
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: old people like this, Well.
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: You know, they let anybody walk in the doors.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so we sit down.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: So first of all, tell us, tell us where you're from,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: and then what brought you to the marriage mediation training?
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah you want to hold lindsay.
• 2:50
  Speaker 6: Yes, we are from the Inville, Arkansas Walmart.
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 2:59
  Speaker 6: We went through.
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: Mediation in August twenty twenty two, and I've kind of
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: had a heart to actually be a mediator since then.
• 3:10
  Speaker 6: We went through we went to the EXO.
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: Conference last year in twenty twenty four, and since that's
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: really when.
• 3:19
  Speaker 6: It kicked off, that I wanted to do mediation and.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: So so, and I'm going to do this a lot, Linda,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I'll probably interrupt. So, you guys went to the EXO
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Marriage Conference. You'd heard about it, and you thought, we
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: want to go and see what this conference is all about.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Maybe, you know, give it our marriage a little shot
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: in the arm.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: You went to the EXO conference and then you heard
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: about marriage mediation, right, you just heard that where you.
• 3:43
  Speaker 5: Hurt backwards looks that?
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, flip that.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Oh oh well, well you went to you you went
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: through mediation and then you heard about.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: The conference through Oh yes, wow, okay, learn something new
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: every day.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, okay, So you guys went through mediation. And who
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: with the couple who took you guys through the mediation?
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: Randy and Debbie.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so Randy and Debbie Strowman.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: We're the couple that took you guys do that.
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: We were we were we were struggling in our marriage
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: and an amazing couple, uh from our from our couple
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: from our church who was who Lindsay was doing some
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: volunteer work in Life Kids Life Church here in Rogers, Arkansas. Okay,
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: Miss kay uh is very close with Debbie Stroman, and
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: she was talking with Lindsay and said, you guys should
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: get this a try. H I believe that's how that
• 4:40
  Speaker 5: conversation went. And you know it was Brian. It was
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: one of those God things where I was completely against it.
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: I was had no interest at all. Lindsay was fighting,
• 4:55
  Speaker 5: uh with all of her might for our marriage, and
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: I I had all but is like giving up on everything. Okay,
• 5:04
  Speaker 5: So she actually scheduled our are what that little one
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: hour phone call call?
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, the screen.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: So Lindsay, Lindsay, real quick, where did you hear about
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: the mediation? It was from the person at your church?
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she told you. Okay, okay, okay, all right, gotcha, gotcha? Okay,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: So thank you Kay, Yes, thank you Kay for sure.
• 5:27
  Speaker 5: Shout out to Kay.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: And so you were drag kicking and screaming. You didn't
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: even know about it.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: So Lindsay says, I'm going to throw out a hail Mary.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: She's praying about it. She scheduled it, and thinks, okay,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: now how do I tell how did that conversation go, Lindsey?
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: How did you tell your husband that he was going
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: to I mediate it?
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: Well, we were probably two weeks into complete silence in
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: the house, and I wow, yeah, hey, I think I
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: called him at work one day and said, hey, I
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: scheduled a zoom call.
• 5:57
  Speaker 6: Feel hop on it. We're going to do some mediation
• 6:00
  Speaker 6: if you're drawing exactly.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: So you were at the time you had been married
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: what six and a half seven years?
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: Is that?
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Is that right? Okay? And so and you said you'd
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: been struggling.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: How long had you been struggling to get to the
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: point where it was like hardly even speaking, where you
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: just withdrawn.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, this is the record of France. I asked
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: you you weren't keeping a record. Now you're having to
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: go to thirds. You'd already burned this, right.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: We struggled probably our first four years pretty heavily, and
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: then I that was twenty two. Yeah, okay, pretty heavily
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: our first four years. We had some good times, but
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: pretty heavily struggled in the very beginning. I mean, I
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: guess for years kind of just kept stuff in the
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: dark that needed to be brought to light. But we
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: just kept stuffing it and was brought to the head
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: and it was needed.
• 7:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So yeah, and we kind of we joke about like
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: a hail Mary but truly, and this is what I
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: think so many couples, it catches them by surprise, you know.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: So when I do premaral counseling with couples, I tell
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: them all the time, don't be surprised if you think you.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Know people here. Sometimes oh, the first year is the toughest.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Yere, man, if the first year is toughest, then that
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: means two and three and four they're going to be tough.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: It's like, and sometimes you think right off the bat, like,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: oh crap, I've made a mistake. You know, you heard
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: our story. It's like, man, I've done I've made the
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: wrong person, Like what is this? And you lose hope
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: and you start to think, man, we just cannot we
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: can't fix this, and it's devastating and the last thing
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: you really want to do is like talk about that,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: and so.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: It's hard to reach out.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: So many times we just kind of suffer silently because
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: of kind of shame. You don't want to admit, maybe
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: to yourself or to anyone else that did excuse my
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: friends like we're oh, I can't say that, I'll cut
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: that out. But we've made we've made a mistake, you know.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: So Okay, so Kay, you talked to Kay, you scheduled
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: the deal, and then how did that conversation go with Brandon?
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: Oh? I was pretty quiet, wasn't I? I? I? Yeah,
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: really kind of just what's even more awkward is it
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: wasn't it was a zoom call. So we're on video
• 8:21
  Speaker 5: and we're sitting in my truck. We meet at the
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: kids's daycare and we're sitting in my truck. I'm just
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: kind of sitting there talk.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: I don't. I have no clue what this is. Lindsey
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: scheduled this and just asked me to show up, and
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: I'm just, you know, it's kind of caught off out
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: of left field on me, and so I didn't. There
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: was a lot of pride there. I was very, very
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: very prideful.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: Are you mad?
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: You know?
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Probably like did you feel like did you feel ambushed?
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: There was a little bit of anger, and you know,
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: I don't even know if it was about the situation.
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: I think it's just you know, that whole season of
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: our our marriage of and not even angry at Lindsay.
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: I think it was, you know, more so shame on
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: my part where I'm the man in the relationship. I'm
• 9:20
  Speaker 5: supposed to be this leader, and she's the one that's
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: leading us on trying to save our marriage. And I
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: don't have the the cahunas to do it myself, right,
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: and my wife is the one taking the lead. And
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: so I think there was a lot of right issue
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: there for me and shame.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I think.
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: Here's a secondary emotion, right, So from those other negative
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: emotions that I had. Anger is what's you know, see
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: what is being seen?
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: So yeah, so and it's obviously here we sit and
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Wait for people to hear this entire testimony.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: But so when we walk into the marriage mediation training here,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: you guys are sat with us and we hear your testimony,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: you had actually gone through it and because of what
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: it did to your marriage, I mean, it saved your marriage,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: It changed your lives and your destiny, the destiny of
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: your kids, the legacy that.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: We're all about.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: And now you wanted to go get trained so that
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: you could pay it forward and share.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: This with the world, right exactly.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: And so yeah, so I want to go back to
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: then let's talk about the when you show up. How
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: was the first let's say a few minutes or maybe
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: the first hour of that mediation. Did it take a
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: while to warm up to the Stromans or did they
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: put you at ease very quickly, like like, just tell
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: me how that went.
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, I think before before that, though, Brian,
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: there's a lot of homework to do beforehand that leads on.
• 10:58
  Speaker 5: There's videos you have to watch, there's a book you
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: have to read, there's there yeah, twenty one days of
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: Inner Healing. There's a letter that you have to write
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: to your spouse. And in that homework, I would say
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: is when the change starts. Like that's I went kicking
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: and screaming and I wasn't interested in it. And maybe
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: that's the wrong word, but you know, I just I
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: didn't want to do it. I didn't want to put
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: the work in, and there's a lot of shame and
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: I just felt like walking away. It was probably easier
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: in my mind just to walk away than to work
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: at this, right, But the homework is where the change started,
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: and so walking into there. To answer your question, though,
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: the Strumans are amazing, amazing people, and.
• 11:45
  Speaker 7: Hey, Debbie, but yeah, you know that they they have
• 11:52
  Speaker 7: a very special place in our heart and we've had
• 11:56
  Speaker 7: the highest respect for them.
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: But Yeah, it didn't take any time at all for
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: us to really warm up to them. And ironically, even
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: though in our precall screening call I sat there with
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: an attitude and a chip on my shoulder and so quiet.
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: By the time we were on our road trip down
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: to Dallas, she Lindsey and I we weren't fixed by
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: any stretch of the imagination, but we were conversating. We
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: had actually listened to a few videos on the way down,
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: and God had already began a great work in us,
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: just with the with the homework and the pre work
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: they do beforehand and the whole meeting before Like the
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: meeting started off, just I feel like it started off amazingly.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, and you bring up a good point.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: What's interesting and I don't want to spoil it for
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: this is going to be a huge commercial for actually
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: the mediation that we're all going to be doing and
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: walking couples through.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: A matter of fact, Jamie and I just.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Scheduled our first official one and today.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's going to be we're all traveling
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: down to the hill country. We're gonna do it down there.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so we're really excited, but so so I
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: don't want to spoil everything but for the couples who
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: are actually gonna go through it.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: But the letter.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: So I'm not going to talk about the prompts or
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: the contents of the letter, but writing a letter to
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: your spouse, Like there's no way you can sit down
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: and go through that exercise. I mean, well, you know,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: without it like majorly affecting your heart and possibly, as
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: it did in your case, opening your heart back up.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: So many times I'll be talking to couples and I'll
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: just think there's so much unforgiveness and so much resentment.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: And again we've been there.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Right, but it's like, what what attracted you to them
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: in the first place?
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: What did you fall in love with? Like? Who were they?
• 13:50
  Speaker 6: Right?
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: At some point you guys got married and and.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: You know many times had kids, so was you know,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: was there anything redeemable about that person? And and they
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: have remembered that, So it's like what made you fall
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: in love? And I'll just ask that, and sometimes they'll
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: start talking about that, and I'll see it's like immediately
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: stuff starts to just almost like the scales fall from
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: your eyes or maybe the cotton out of your ears,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: if you will. But I'll and I'll hear and I'll
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: watch a spouse just kind of look in like this's incredulous,
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: look at like, when's the last time, you know, like
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I haven't heard that? And I'll say, when's the last
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: time you told your spouse that? And they'll they'll just
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: sit there, and many times the tears come. It's like,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's been years since I've actually been reminded
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: of why I love this person and the person hadn't
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: heard it. And so the letter is a very very
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: smart way to start this deal. It is, so, yeah,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: go ahead.
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: And XO is the way that it. You mentioned the prompts,
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: the intentionality that you have to put into and the
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: questions you have to answer and the things that you
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: get to say are the key. I mean, you're not
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: just writing, You're not just trying to put pen to
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: paper and think of something to write to your spouse.
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: You know, it's there is a very very yeah. So
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: it wrecks you.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Let me ask let me ask you this.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Had y'all done tip conventional marriage counseling before this? Had
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: y'all ever gone to see a marriage therapist or a
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: marriage counselor or a pastor?
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, you know, so ironically I was I was
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: seeing a counselor at the time, and we had kind
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: of finished what we were originally doing. And Lindsey, ironically
• 15:43
  Speaker 5: at the time, like the timing worked out to where
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: she kind of just piggybacked that whole session that I
• 15:52
  Speaker 5: was in and just kind of came in and said,
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: let's talk about marriage. And this wasn't even her forte
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: uh this county. But you know, it was good. We
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: had some good sessions, we had some rough rough sessions.
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: But you know that's the difference between the counseling and
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: the mediation, right, and and we've talked about this, you
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: know many times, just having that hour though of digging
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: up garbage, getting each other excited, each other, all emotionally
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: riled up, and then you have to walk away.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: So in conventional counseling, that's so you go for an
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: hour at a time, right, You go for an hour,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: get it all start up, and you walk away and
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: you're just in a wreck. And then you're digging, you know,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: you got the shovel in your hand, you're digging it deeper.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: And then you go back.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: And you're trying to regain ground or start over and so,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: so yeah, the difference in that traditional counseling and mediation.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: How long is the mediation that you go to.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: We went for a two day six hours okay, okay,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: so I'm just for for people listening sixteen.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: Hours and that's that on all the one day. It
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: was two days.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: So so instead of this one hour thing that you
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: had tried before, you know, we all try certain things,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: and man insanity, right, and doing the same thing expecting
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: different results like that ain't working. And so you gave
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: this a shot where we're going to give literally two
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: days of our lives, and and there is.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: A cost associated with that, right, But people.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Say, well, I don't know if I can afford that,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: So let's just let's stay in hell and spend that
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: money on a ski trip and go and hate each
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: other in our ski.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: Trip or or you know, or what have you.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: So so you guys show up to the one day
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: for or it's two days, but for the first day.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: And then in traditional or conventional counseling, many times the
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: couples come in and it's this here they go and
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: i's he said, she said, and say, yeah, well you
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: did well, you did And so isn't there something to
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: this method where it's like, Okay, you guys are going
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: to shut up and listen, You're not going to get
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: into your crap just yet, like a hole put you know,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: the door. So so talk about that a little bit, lindsay,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: do you want to share kind of how that was
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: for you?
• 18:05
  Speaker 6: I'm sure. Yeah.
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: So Randy and Duddy did a good job saying like, hey,
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: we're for your marriage or not for one or the
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: other of you, which was pretty So it felt very
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: unified from the beginning, and I hope it was because
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: we were on pretty good terms walking in. But there
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: wasn't a lot that he said, she said, and intentionally
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: the letters in the beginning, which breaks you to your
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: absolute core and softens you in a hurry.
• 18:31
  Speaker 6: So I feel like there's just no possible way to
• 18:35
  Speaker 6: be at each other necessarily. So yeah, at least for us.
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: I'm sure it may be different for everybody, but yeah,
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: it was, it was solid for us.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Excellent, Jamie, I've been talking a lot. I want to Yeah, Well,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: I was just.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: Going to say, what what makes sense to me is,
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: you know, I think that there there is a time
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: and a place for the you know, fifty minute or
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: the one hour, you know, for couples who just kind
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: of like we're working through this one you know, this
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: one issue, or we've got some big decisions to make,
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: or we have questions and just need some guidance or help,
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: you know. I mean, there's that's I think very valuable.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: So there is one hundred percent place for that. But
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: I just kind of wanted to note that this intensive,
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: this this mediation is really for couples who find themselves
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: on that like we were. I wish we would have
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: had something like this back in the day. We were
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: probably so stubborn it would have been hard for us
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: to really even go.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: But I will, one of us will.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: But I think for a couples who are just at
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: a just at a gridlock, like they're just like stuck
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: and they're on this hamster wheel and they've gone around
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: and around, and y'all know, like I'm getting riled up
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: just thinking about it, Like there's just there's no they're like,
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: there's like the next thing that we're going to do
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: is be signing papers to divorce because there's no way
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: that we can make amends. There's no way that we
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: can see each that we can't see eye to eye anymore,
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: you know, And so I think that's where this mediation
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: comes in. That's really valuable because of what y'all have said.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: You know, you have the length of time. But and
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: where was I going with that?
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: The difference between the one hour versus the all day?
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: Yes, I did, I see, I got so.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Jamie.
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: You know, I think you also hit the nail on
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: the head. Though also with you guys said this, I
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: believe it was the episode that you recorded after the
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: conference where it's you go to a counseling session and
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: you're just looking through a magnifying glass, right, and it's
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: all he said. She said, it's well they did this,
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: and it's and they did that, and they did they Yeah,
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: theay they they they right in this mediation and you know,
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: I believe you guys mentioned it was that episode that
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: I think. It's laying down that magnifying glass and picking
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: up that mirror.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 21:17
  Speaker 5: And so you've already done this homework, you've you've written
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: this letter, and God's already started to work in you.
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: And then in this whole mediation, like Lindsay mentioned, the
• 21:28
  Speaker 5: mediators are very very clear. From the very beginning, we
• 21:33
  Speaker 5: are about the marriage. We're not going to take his side,
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: We're not going to take her side. This is we're
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: taking God's side. And this is marriage works one hundred
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: percent of the time when you do it God's way, right,
• 21:46
  Speaker 5: And it's all about taking that mirror and saying, what
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: am I contributing to this? What a'm to for for
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: my spouse to be adopting these false beliefs, which is
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: causing the type of a reaction, right, And it's it's
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: going in that cycle right constantly, just looking through that
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: magnifying glass, and it's fight after fight after fight, like
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: you're saying, jap and you're just in the hamster wheel. Yeah,
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: that's where I think that's that key Also to the
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: mediation is learning to reuse the right tool. Let's later,
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: MANI find glass. Let's even just throw that sucker away, right,
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: Let's pick up that mirror and let's go through that
• 22:26
  Speaker 5: think process.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean when you go through something, there's
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: there's always like like the book learning, you know, there's
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: the work book if you will, there's the there's the method, the.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Ten step for resolving conflict.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: And I remember seeing that even when we went through
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: our preparing rich and they give you a little work book,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: You're like, oh, okay, you know, you just kind of
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: throw it aside, like when are we, in the heat
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: of the battle going to actually pick up and let
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: me see what steps we are in our little stin
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: step for resulting conflicts?
• 22:55
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: But but what I loved about this and in the training,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: and I would love to hear y'all's experiens. And again,
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I don't even want to say the title of this
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: this thing that you employ, it's a tool that you
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: learn to employ when you have an activating event in
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: your marriage, because of it's the beliefs, you know, it's
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: the beliefs and then the story you're telling yourselves, and
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: then the action and then the consequence of that. And
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: then you get one of the foundational laws of marriage,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: like literally you know, out of alignment, right, And so
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: was it easy to actually put that into practice? And
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: you know, so you go back and after the mediation,
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: have you really put those things into practice? I mean,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: I think I know the answer, but I want everyone
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: to hear from you guys how easy it was to
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: apply that quote book knowledge to real life.
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: I'll let Lindsey tell the story. But ironically, the after
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: the first day of our mediation. We were out for dinner.
• 23:55
  Speaker 6: Second day.
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: It was the second day, okay, yeah, and and we
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: were out for dinner and our way back and then
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: on our way back to the to the condo, we
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: I don't, honestly, Lindsay's gonna have to tell the story.
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: But we had to literally say, hey, we just spent
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: so much time and money and money figuring out how
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: to break this cycle. Let's time out, let's pause. We're
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: gonna unplug, even though we're.
• 24:28
  Speaker 8: In the car, togo plug and we're gonna We're gonna.
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: Get back to the condo and we will, We're gonna go.
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: We literally went through the process and wrote it down
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: on the sheet. So Lindsay tell the story. But yeah,
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: we had to, okay, immediately, I.
• 24:55
  Speaker 6: Am not a yeah.
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: It was second night because on the first night, uh,
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: we weren't supposed to talk about anything related to the
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: mediation orything, just enjoy day night. So it was the
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: second night. And I'm not a big dreamer.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: I don't I like more.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: Of like reality type.
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: Let's be realistic, and I kill all dreams that were
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: ever ever like trying to dream.
• 25:25
  Speaker 6: I'm like, no, no, not happening. So yeah, it caused
• 25:29
  Speaker 6: some major tension.
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: And I felt like we had been in in a
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: cycle of silence, like we would just do the silent
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: treatment all of our marriage up until this, and I
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: felt like we were getting super quiet, like I'm sorry, Like.
• 25:46
  Speaker 6: I'm not a dreamer in any way. He's like, we're
• 25:49
  Speaker 6: not gonna We're not gonna.
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: We didn't come and spend all this money and time,
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: like we're gonna go put this to practice. So we
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: I was like, this is great, but it works.
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, in that wild we just weird creatures of habit.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: We just fall right back into the default mode, which
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: is you know, and it's like, wait a minute.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: We just went through this, but you had to stop
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: and unplugged. Go ahead, Jane, yep.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: I was just gonna say it. I mean I think it.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: You know, I've noticed, even us going through the training,
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: it's helped us, Like we didn't go Like I said,
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: I wish we would have known about mediation back. I
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: think what it would have done is just save us
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: years of the hamster wheel because we would have had
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: tools to put into place. But now that we do
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: have it, it is helping us even now even though
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: we didn't go through mediation. We went through the training
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: to become certified to be you know, facilitators for this.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: But it has helped us now thirty five years, you know,
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: into marriage. It's even helped us, you know. I've noticed
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: we've used it, you know a few times since our training.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: So I think it's cool. It just showed. And I
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: don't know what the percentage y'all would probably remember this,
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: but the percentage of what is the success rate? But
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: it is phenomenal, And okay, I thought it was. I mean,
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: I knew it was way up there, but to see
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: you know, you guys being on the brink, like we're
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: we're pretty much done and so we might as well
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: try this, like Brian said to Hail Mary, you know,
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: and that's probably many of the couple's stories. You know,
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: it's not probably people don't sign up to do this.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: They're like, we've got a great marriage. We just need
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: to un up, you know, No, we need to We
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: need overhall, we need some help. And so I think
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: it's really cool that you're taking like worst case scenario
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: marriages that are like on the brink and to have
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: such a high success rate, you know, and I do
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: think it does take maturity on you know, at least
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: one of you, you know, your part to you know,
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: you're that brain, that thing is kind of etched. You know,
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: we've got that path that's etched in our brain. And
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: you start in, you disagree about something, and so gloves
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: come off immediately, you know, you get defensive, you're prideful,
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: you're you know, just arguing and fighting. And so it's
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: at least it's going to take one of you to go,
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: you know what, let's get let's stop, we're going to unpluge,
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: and let's do it, you know. And so I think
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: it's it's really cool to hear about the success rate
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: and then to see you guys sitting right here, you know,
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: just telling this story of what it's done in your marriage.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: I just think it's so inspiring.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And what I love to is and I'm so
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: glad you brought up a magnifying glass versus the mirror, Brandon,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: because so many times you know that that kind of
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: the tool or the you know, the thing you learned,
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: like are you really going to apply it?
• 28:51
  Speaker 6: You know?
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: And sometimes you may feel it it feels.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Kind of awkward or clunky or kind of even goofy
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: because it's like there's no way in the heat of
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: the battle, no way. But when you truly take time,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: it's not screw you.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Screw you. And I'm in my truck and I'm driving off.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: It's like, no, let me unplug with the intention of
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: coming back. But during the unplugged I'm going to do
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: the interior work, Like, God, what what, what do you
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: want to tell me about this? Because I'm telling myself
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: a story that's not true.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: That's the deal. It's just it's never true.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: And to to take that time to let God speak
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: to you, that's really this deal. And you know, there
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: are people out there that may may not believe in God,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: you know, but they may, you know, believe in a
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: higher power or a divine design or the universe whatever.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: Let the universe talk to you. We believe, we believe
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: that's God.
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: It's okay, Well, that's fine, we could just use a different,
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: different word, right. But but it's crazy how I mean literally,
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: how easy it is to to implement this tool, right,
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: and and and and then once you are doing that,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: then you're so mindful about all the other things you
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: learned along the way.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: One of the things.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: So so at the training they had and it Yeah,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: you know, you go through seasons in your marriage. I mean,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: Jamie and I. Yeah, I don't care how long you've
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: been married.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, if you have been married
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: thirty five years.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: You've gone through, as you've heard in our probably you know,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: hell and back and ups and down right, and and yeah,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: I think after seventeen years that was some thank god,
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: you know, halfway through this this thing, you know, I
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: think we hit another like okay, yeah, maybe ups and downs.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: It leveled out a little bit and maybe it was
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: up a little higher. You know, it's like, okay, wow,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: we're we're we've transcended some of the stuff.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: But we're human, and we're male and female, and.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: We're Enneagram made and two and Hackney Phillips and all that.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: And so since we're so different, that stuff is going
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: to come out. And then so we had just started
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: this business and oh my gosh, nothing like working with
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: your spouse will bring out those differences again. And so
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: stuff had resurfaced. But when when we but when we
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: first met with the Stromans, just doing our part of
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: it is going through some of the stuff yourself, right,
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: and I remember some of the stuff baked in like oh,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: we know you guys, since you're gonna be the helpers,
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Like there's no way y'all would really strow anymore.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Wink wink, you know.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: And it's almost like that wink wink like a and
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I see right through that, Like no, really,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: we're not struggling anymore.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: We're really doing good. And so then when they asked.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Us at the the in person training, hey, we he
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: pulled me aside and just said, I think it was
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: the first night or maybe right before we started anyway,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: said hey, would all be willing to go work through
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: one of the again the tools. I don't want to
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: say the name yet, but we all go through that
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: up on stage, just kind of a mock, you know,
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: to show what it looks like.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Sure, we'll go through it. We'll play along.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: And I remember I remember thinking like we have nothing,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: you know, and like I don't want to contrive anything.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Well, when we started talking about that, we got in
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: the biggest fight.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: About about you know, oh great, let's pull that one up.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Make me look bad. You know, it was all it was.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: It was the I mean, I could not believe it's
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: just like there it is.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: But then we got up on.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Stage and went through the thing, and then the emotions
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: you know, that came out, and I just think that
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: was you know, one of the things that you guys
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: said you appreciated, and you could just see how people
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: connected to that, right yeah, yeah, immediately and then.
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: The whole, Yeah, that whole and I know it was
• 32:29
  Speaker 5: it was a practice, and it was kind of just
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: to show the process, right, but I mean just goes
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: to show even just going through the motions, if you will,
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: of the of that exercise. It the intentionality of it
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: and and the purpose of it. You can't help but
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: get emotional.
• 32:50
  Speaker 7: You know.
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: It just it's it's it's just getting naked in front
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: of your spouse, right, yeah, and that is you mentioned
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: it earlier, Brian, and you're one hundred percent correct. It's clunky,
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: it feels it feels so awkward, and it feels so
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: not normal. It's like, I don't even know if, I
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: don't know if I like this, but there's some feelings
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: there that you know, and then before you know it,
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: you're crying, and it's it's not normal.
• 33:25
  Speaker 6: But it's so much better yelling and hashing it out.
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: Oh my goodness.
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And I love the way that they do it
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: where they say, you know, this is going to be different.
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: This isn't going to be eight hours or sixteen hours
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: of you just screaming back and yeah, that's stop. That's
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: what got you here. Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna do
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: a different way. We're gonna learning this week. Anyway. Okay,
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: I have a question. So while we were at the
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: training with you guys, I remember, like at first, you know,
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: Brandon saying, you know, we went through this, it saved
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: our marriage. And Lindsey just has this and you said,
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: you're not a dreamer, but here you are dreaming. You're dreaming,
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: sick girls, something's changing. So you know, Lindsey has this
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: this dream of wanting to do this, like she really,
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: it was all about she. She she she's she you know,
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: and you know I am just here to support her
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: whatever I can. And then y'all were pulled up to
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: share kind of your you know, to share your story
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: and just to tell a little bit. And Brian and
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: I sat there and we were like poking each other
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: like he is not just going to be you know,
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: I must. I'm just support I'm just a supporting you know.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: But he's coming.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: Because you y'all were such a dream team together. You know,
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: it was like I couldn't picture you know, Lindsey without
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: brand and her brand, and without Lindsey, I mean, Lindsay,
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: you would be a rock star doing this on your own.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: But man like to have it. And I just I
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: feel like while we sat there at that table with
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: you guys, that we could see Brandon going okay, okay,
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: maybe not, you know, I just I think it will
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: be a really really powerful tool for you guys to
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: do it together. You know. So where are you now
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: with that, Brandon?
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, on the spot for this one. No, you know,
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: to be completely honest with you, I have noticed, even
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: me talking about it lately, my verbiage in the way
• 35:46
  Speaker 5: I'm talking about it's changed. I in all transparency. Actually,
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: I just had a a guy's night last night with
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: my best friend. We're gonna start doing this once a month,
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: just really manned a man. You know, no selltons in
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: the closet. Let's just get in thegether.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: And you know I told him, I said, you know,
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: I've been Lindsay's been having the stream about this ministry
• 36:17
  Speaker 5: and I said, I've been keeping it at an arm's
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: length and very cautious about how I'm talking about it.
• 36:25
  Speaker 5: And I said, I've always imagined that I would be
• 36:29
  Speaker 5: the type of person that if I felt called like,
• 36:32
  Speaker 5: i'd go. And I said, you know, I've been watching
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: We've been watching a lot of the Chosen lately. And
• 36:38
  Speaker 5: I said, that's what Jesus asked to the disciples. And
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: I was like, man, I've been I've been very hesitant
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: and and I said, I don't know if I think
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: it's because there's some fear there for me walking away
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: from everything that we've worked so hard to build, you know,
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: and just into that unknown. And you know, there's a
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: lot of excuses to say, our life is budgeted at
• 37:08
  Speaker 5: a certain salary. We've we're fairly successful for our age
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: and for our demographic and all the you know, we
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: have a beautiful home and vice cars, and you know,
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: we've got our life situated. It would be hard to
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: walk away from that. But to answer your question, no,
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: I think it would have. I think it would be
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: a dream to have a ministry, you know, like you guys,
• 37:40
  Speaker 5: be able to do something to to just sacrificially give
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: to to other people. Uh, and to to be a
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: be a small part of their story. You know, watch
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: God move and save marriages. I mean, how can you
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: not be excited about that?
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: What's what's very interesting? And I appreciate that candor. And
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: and so here's what's here's what's interesting A couple of things.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: My brain's like, now, not go exploding.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: So first of all, think about what good is it
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: for man to gain the whole world and and you
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: you know, and lose his soul. But let's say, or
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: lose and lose his marriage. I got the cars, I
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: got the house. I mean, I got the kids, I
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: got family. It's like wait, but then I lose the family.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: And again that doesn't mean okay, so I've got to
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: go into marriage ministry. But it's like y'all were struggling
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: and so we know those things aren't where it's at.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: And once you finally figure out what is the highest
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: value and you see that something, save that.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: So there's a passion that's where That's why you guys
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: were at the training like, man, I want to give back.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I want to And so here's so no matter what
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: context you do it in, you're already doing it. So
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: So Brandon, people all over the world are hearing this podcast, right,
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: and you no, and the guys, most guys are drag
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: kicking and screaming, and most guys are the ones that
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: are walled off.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: You know, women are.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: Better nurtures of long term relationships than men.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: We know this. They just come by it intuitively. And
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: that not all women, but most women.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: They're the ones who are you know, at some point
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: they are leading the emotional, you know, and the spiritual
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: and you know, all the stuff of the family and
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: of the relationship.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Jamie came to me today like, hey, we need to
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: talk literally today, and it was like, I know, we
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: need to talk, but it's like, who's gonna usually initiate that?
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Right in most marriages, and now I would say, thank god,
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: I think it's maybe, I don't know, fifty to fifty Jamie,
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: we both do it.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: We've learned to do that.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: But in most homes, Brandon, it's not the guy, right,
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: And so you giving other men things you're saying that
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: you don't even realize you're saying, like getting no naked
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: in front of another dude, which that sounds you know,
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: people I could see taking one little clip out of
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: this systemonetized. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah No,
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: I mean like that's the deal, and you said it earlier.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: It is like, man, we've we've lost, you know, being
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: able to get vulnerable in front of our spouse and
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: so we've lost intimacy and so now being able to
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: do that with your spouse, and it's like, man, I
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: want to do it the dude, and they'll never be
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: a closer relationship, you know, the David Jonathan, my friend
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: John you know who forever, we're going to be soulmates,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: you know, he called it, you know, And because and
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: we can be anywhere and not talk for years and
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: then we come back.
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: There's this man.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I can tell you anything, and he can tell anything,
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: and man, the laughter that comes, we can laugh our
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: butts off because there's no there's no barrier. Right, So
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: you're already doing ministry like you don't know, you know,
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: just from being able to tell your story.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: And so then and Jamie, I want you to talk
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: about this.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: So obviously we meet you guys there and we're table
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: mates and we're talking and we're sharing.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: And then because of Lindsay's.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Dream to you know, not just maybe do an add
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: on to what you're already doing, but maybe just go
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: out there and start this thing.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: And you you knew, Wow, you guys have started long
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: haul marriage.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: So all the questions, you know, and we're like just
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: just in front, you know, down the road, like, oh
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: my gosh, yeah, let me tell you, I've already paid
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: the dumb tax on a lot of things.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: So we learned the hard way. So I really do
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: want to be a resource for you guys.
• 41:30
  Speaker 9: But then the most extravagant gift was pouring out on
• 41:36
  Speaker 9: us and so and it's why we're actually having this
• 41:39
  Speaker 9: this talk tonight.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: So Jamie, tell everyone what they did for us.
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: Well, they're probably not wanting us to tell anything, but.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: I know, but you're getting anyone.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: But I mean I might even get a little bit
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: teary about it, because right the word might is just
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: the sweetest, sweetest thing. So it was the second day
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: and we were all done, and you know, we just
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: opened up the can about long haul marriage, and we
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: have a lot of questions, and so we were like, well,
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: you know, talking as much as as it.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: Was really just we all had.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: To go and you know, they you guys stopped and
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: just said, hey, what are y'all doing for Valentine's weekend?
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, I don't know. We're we usually do
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: this throw together this dinner for these women who Valentine
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: sucks for them, and so we usually try to do that,
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: but we haven't settled on a time or whatever, and
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: and so you guys just offered and said, hey, well
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: we have this whole thing that we've already planned, and
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: we were just praying God just send the people who
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: are supposed to fill the gap there. And so you know,
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: we've got we're meeting for dinner on Thursday night for
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: for Valentine's And then we were, you know, we've got
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: a couple of nights at a hotel in South Lake
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: that was at Weston Is at the name of it,
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: the best Western. You got to the Western, not the
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: best Western, it's the best Western. It's the literally is
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: the best Western. So a couple of not stay there
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: and and then going to the EXO marriage conference together
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: just I don't know, it just touched there we go.
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: It touched my heart so much that y'all got you
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: guys would would offer that to us, And so I'm
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: so thankful that we were able to that We sorry
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: for all the ladies we didn't get to back to
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: our home. Maybe we'll do it.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: Sorry about that, ladies, We're sorry.
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: We just were blown away by your dinner.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: The incredible sushi and watching to get carved up on
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: the first at Nico. And then when we went to
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: What's the other One? So so but and y'all indulging
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: us at the table at Stella when we started talking
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: and I got man, super emotional. They're just talking about stuff.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: I just feel, man, we love y'all so much. And
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: I just felt like, man, thank you God. You literally
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: God had his providential hand.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: In this whole thing.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: And and and here we are so so yeah. So,
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: if you had to tell some couple who is on
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: the fence about two things. One is about going to mediation,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: doing doing an exo marriage mediation or coming to long
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: haul marriage or coming to you guys for a marriage mediation,
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: and they're reluctant, I want you to give a commercial
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: and tell them on why they should do it. And
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: then and then I think that the other thing is
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: just a couple who has just lost hope and they
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: want to throw in the towel, Like what would you
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: say to them?
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: This is your chance to.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: Talk to people in Dubai, in Canada and Norway and India.
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: And all over the United States. No, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: no no price, just yeah, just speak from your heart.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: What has it done for you guys, and what would
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: you want to tell him?
• 45:14
  Speaker 5: Go ahead?
• 45:15
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: Well I was kind of at the point where I
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: didn't have hope is my thing. I had a lot
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: of hope, but I think Brandon burt a lot of non.
• 45:27
  Speaker 6: Hoping to me. I thought it was over.
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: That's what I went to church and said, like, miss kay,
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: my marriage is totally over, like I do.
• 45:37
  Speaker 6: And so she provided a resource and I'm like, if
• 45:43
  Speaker 6: for all.
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: The women maybe men who are totally scared to death
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: do it anyway.
• 45:49
  Speaker 6: It's like, just just completely do it.
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: It is worth every penny plus some like just do it,
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: just give it a try, like what would hurt to
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: try it?
• 46:03
  Speaker 6: And there's some there's such a high success rate that like.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and yeah, I love that.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: I mean you could say, well, why do I have
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: to lose?
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: You know? I mean some people use some time and money,
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: you know, but that like literally you it's your legacy,
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: it's at stake. People don't, man, they don't realize it.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: Like literally, they don't realize what they are losing when
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: they lose their their marriage and how much it affects everything.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and everyone.
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: I'll say, like in the heat of the moment when
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: I when my marriage was over, I knew our family
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: was at stake of falling apart, which was sary, but
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: at that time it was more of fear of losing
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: Brandon my kids too. But now being on the other
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: side of that is just like, it's just so proud
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: of us for you know, family that's still standing together.
• 47:03
  Speaker 6: I mean, I came from a divorced family, just caused
• 47:07
  Speaker 6: a lot of you know, terrible issues.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, and I'm just like we.
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: Did, Like I'm just so proud of us. Like our
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: kids will recognize it, they get a much much better
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: mommy and daddy out of it, and I'm just.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: Wow, awesome, thank you great, great Brandon. Can you top
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: that off with.
• 47:34
  Speaker 5: But just to add, you know, we've said it, I
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: think a couple of times through through this. You know
• 47:40
  Speaker 5: this this discussion, It's the reason why you are where
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: you're at is because we're just we're human and we
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: are we're insanity is just ingrained in us, and so
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: we do the same thing over and over and over
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: and expect our spouse to change, our spouse to do
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: something different, and we put all that that ownership on
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: the spouse to do something different. And if you truly
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: do care to save your marriage, if like you said, Brian,
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: there was a reason why you married this person, right,
• 48:24
  Speaker 5: and if you can, if you can get back to
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: remembering why you married this person and remembering that they
• 48:32
  Speaker 5: were God created them for you, and to save your legacy,
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: we have to break those those cycles, get out of
• 48:41
  Speaker 5: those habits and learn how to do marriage God's way.
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: And again we talked about the statistics, but just like
• 48:49
  Speaker 5: Jimmy Evans says all the time, marriage works one hundred
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: percent of the time when you do it His way.
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: And if you can learn that and just remember or
• 49:00
  Speaker 5: that your beliefs drive everything, and what false beliefs are
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: you falling into and gonna and causing all these emotions
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: and how you're reacting instead of responding m h. And
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: it's a game changer.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: Well, I want to say this because we're coming to
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: the end of our time and you guys, you said it,
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: lindsay that you're proud of yourself. We are so proud
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: of you, and I want you to We're so proud
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: of you. Like people don't do this, they don't fight,
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: they give up, and God bless anybody who you know
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: they didn't want to give up, but their spouse did
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: or or they were just so like literally depressed and
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: anxious and despondent and hopeless that they did. And you know,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: and I know many of them would do anything to
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: put their family back together, and sometimes it just wasn't possible,
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: you know, and so they hear me no judgment at all,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: but I'm so proud that you didn't quit and that
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: you actually sought this and that God like literally.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: Through k through this Romans and through this whole thing.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: You know, he's he's working and and you guys, literally
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: we're so proud of you. You need like.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: The world needs you. The world needs these stories.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: The kids who are so scared of marriage Lindsey because
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: their parents divorced, that their models or horrific. And so
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: people are getting you know, married later if that if
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: that at all you know now and so uh yeah,
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: I love when people can see wait, they're doing it
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: and they actually look like they're they're happy you know so,
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: but being vulnerable, being real about about you know, it's hard,
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: it's hard.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: So what are we gonna do. We're gonna do the
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: hard work, all right, but now you have the tools
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: to do it.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: So man, we're so thankful for you guys, and thank
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: you for sharing your your testimony and your story. Uh
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: and so yeah, in just a second, I'm gonna stop recording,
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: but I want you guys to hang hang on here.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so thank you to Kay, thank you to
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: the Stroman's. Thank you XO Mary Mediation Training.
• 51:01
  Speaker 5: Uh yeah, Hackney's like you got you know you guys.
• 51:07
  Speaker 5: You guys talk how you guys? We have blessed you guys,
• 51:10
  Speaker 5: But you guys have, in the very very short time
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: that we've known each other, have truly impacted our lives
• 51:19
  Speaker 5: and our marriage. We talk about you guys regularly daily, psych.
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: Bron, what are you doing, I'm saying I'm texting, But you.
• 51:34
  Speaker 5: Guys, you guys inspire truly and and impacted us. Brian
• 51:40
  Speaker 5: even just Manda, man, Uh, you you inspire me. You
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: impacted me just from Amanda man, husband to husband. You know,
• 51:49
  Speaker 5: our dinner at Stella's will be That's one of those
• 51:53
  Speaker 5: four memories for me, you know that one just I
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: mean wrecked at other tables looking at you, right, But
• 52:06
  Speaker 5: you guys are so special and what you guys are
• 52:09
  Speaker 5: doing is it's changing people's lives, and it's it's impacting
• 52:15
  Speaker 5: people's lives. And so I just want to say on
• 52:18
  Speaker 5: beht haalf of the world, people.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: In Dubai and Europe, a thank for.
• 52:24
  Speaker 5: What you guys are doing. Thank you for your obedience
• 52:26
  Speaker 5: to God and taking that step of faith to do
• 52:30
  Speaker 5: the long haul marriage, your your your ministry, your podcast.
• 52:35
  Speaker 5: We love listening to you guys, and we hope that
• 52:37
  Speaker 5: this is a lifelong friendship before us.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: For sure it is.
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: Well Brandon Lindley, thank you guys, and man I received
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: that and let you guys all right, we'll talk to
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: you soon.
• 53:03
  Speaker 5: Names Na