Latest / Long Haul Marriage Roadcast / Parenting Adult Kids (And Do We RAISE Them, or do they RAISE Us?)

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Parenting Adult Kids (And Do We RAISE Them, or do they RAISE Us?) · Long Haul Marriage Roadcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: All right, here we go, Hell we go?
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Wait a second, who do I hear? Whose voice is that?
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Now?
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Who do we have on the podcast today? Who are you?
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: This is Rue Ruthy Jean Castle.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Wow, what an honor to have girls to have on
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: the pod today. And if we are being honest, we
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: both look like ragamuffins. And she looks like a princess.
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: She is dressed in her pink Prentice dress. She's got
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: her little bunny and her rose that we got yesterday. Hey,
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: so what do we name your bunny?
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: Lucky Lou? Lucky Lou?
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: Lucky Lou is so sweet, She's soft and got floppy ears. Well, Rue,
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: it's good that you're joining us today. You're sitting in
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: Papa's lap. We had a fun night last night. It
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: was fun because Carson and Sarah had some of their
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: friends come over. Riley and Chloe came with Dio and Jack,
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: and then Christian and Emily and Sharshar came over, and
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: his friend Reagan joined us.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: And then what Zoe did I say?
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: Chloe said, Chloe, Oh my gosh, Zoe.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Zoe.
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: Chloe rhymes, well sorry about that, Zoe. How think we're
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: gonna keep rolling? I can edit that out, but I'm
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: just gonna do it. You do look like a Chloe though,
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: don't you. She kind of does, No, I know, Zoe,
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: that's so wild. Were we talking about Chloe earlier?
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Now?
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: Okay, remember you don't have to get real close to
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: that's just talk normal. So yeah, and then we had
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: one of my friends, Matt, came over, and so we
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: had a seven handed poker game and we had all
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: kinds of good food and funnight, fun fun night. The
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: girls sat in there and played Princess and watched some
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: movies and hung out and the vibe we went outside.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: It was all kinds of fun.
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: And I think what makes me like the happiest is
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: that it's all of our kids, our grandkids and their friends.
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: It's just one big, happy family, isn't it. What was
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: your favorite part about last night?
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Rue? What do you think I deserve having dessert and dinner?
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Smart girl girl after my own heart?
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was really fun, having a great heaven. Not
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: all the kids chanting and Ryan didn't get to come,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: but they're not super into poker. But when we have
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: our summer nights and we're hanging out and you're grilling
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: out and you know, just anytime once a week, having
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: all the kids over is just such a sweet, sweet treat.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I just thought maybe we could talk about you know,
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: we talked in our first few podcasts about the legacy
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: that we built and we're proud of, but then we
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: went back and just talked about how hard it is.
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: And everybody knows if you're married at all, or been
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: dating or in any kind of relationship, it is hard
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: and it takes a lot of work. But one of
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: the things I wanted to talk about is parenting and
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: parenting of adult kids. And it's I think we've touched
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: on it before, but I think you can't touch on
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: this enough because we're talking to people all the time
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: that are trying to relate to their you know, yes,
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: they're they're you know, sometimes elementary, their middle school age,
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: their high school age kids. But then when they get
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: into this college and then post college years, this young
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: adult phase, and you know, there's a lot of times
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: they're looking for direction. They're they're trying to figure life
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: out and trying to figure out which way they're going
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: to go.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: And a lot of times.
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: As parents, we we see around some corners maybe that
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: they can't see or we think we can or we
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: want to. We want to guide them and direct them
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: with the experience and the wisdom that we've learned. But
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: sometimes that can feel, you know, like we're being intrusive
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: or we're the helicopter parents. So it's that delicate balance
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: how much you give to your kids and and so
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: I just wanted to talk about that role and how
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: it I believe when you're when your kids are adults,
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: and how you want to be there for them. And
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: it's it's it's more adult to adult kind of peer
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: and more friendship. You don't want to be the friend
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: when you're when they're growing up, you want to be
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: a parent. But I think then you shift into that, Yes,
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: they'll always be your kid and you'll always be their parent,
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: but your relationship changes.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know sometimes you think it. You know, once
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: you kind of get them through you know, diapers and
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: potty training and doing things on their own, and you
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: know they just they you know, go through you know, elementary,
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: then middle school, you start thinking, okay, so it's probably
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: going to get easier like high school and beyond. And
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: I mean parts of it. Do I remember someone telling
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: me early on, like when they're younger, it takes much
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: more of your physical energy. As they grow and you
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: don't have to do as much for them, it takes
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: much more emotional or mental energy. And that has been true.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: I've I've seeing that for myself. You know, just as
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: they grow they don't need you physically as much, but gosh,
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: they never quit needing mom and dad. But then there
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: reaches a point where, Okay, they're kind of grown, you know,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: eighteen nineteen you hear something, you think I think I
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: hear Carson and Sarah. Oh they're maybe waking up. Yeah,
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: speaking speaking of grown kids, I think I hear Carson
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: waking up. Anyway, I think you you know, there's just
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: this there's this balance, you know, as they get into
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: you know, eighteen nineteen twenty, where you can't make all
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: those decisions for them. You shouldn't make all those decisions
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: for them, you know, and maybe they come to you
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: and they need or want advice or or when you
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: really feel a nudge like I need to share this
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: with them, you know, But I think we need to
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: be careful and kind of start letting, you know, open
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: our hands and letting them make decisions that you know,
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: we may think could you know, we see you different, right,
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: better way to do it, but the best I mean
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: you and I had to make our own decisions, you know,
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: And how did that work for you when your parents
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: had a lot of you know, advice or you know,
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: just what would kind of tell you when they didn't
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: agree with how you did something when you were eighteen
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: nineteen twenty, you know, you were kind of like kay right.
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: And one of the hardest things to do as a
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: parent when you have made your own mistakes. We want
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: them to avoid the mistakes we made, and so we
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: want to interject and tell them what we know, and
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: tell them what we think and what we've experienced. And again,
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: there is something very helpful about that. And when there's
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: respect there, they can quote respect their elders, respect the authority,
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: respect your experience. But when when it's uninvited, and when
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: you're coming down on them and it feels like you're
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: you're being on descending, or that they're stupid, or that
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: they don't know what they're talking about, a lot of
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: times the anger that can come up in us, which
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: is it's all about fear. We do love them, we're
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: just afraid they're going to make mistakes. But there is
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: no other way for them to actually learn other than
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: to make their own decisions. And we have to let
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: them fail. We have to let them make the mistakes.
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: You know, pain is the path, right, Suffering leads to life.
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: It's the stuff that of of you know, scripture that
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: we we say and we quote, but we don't really
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: like to live it. And I love with Richard Rohre
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: his his book Falling Upward, where he talks about, you know,
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: you have to go. There's no other way. You have
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: to fail, you have to fall.
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  Speaker 3: And when you do, there is the resurrection after the death.
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  Speaker 2: And did you used to have a plaque or something
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: that said every man's got to do his own his
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: own growing, no.
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  Speaker 3: Matter how big your father is, every man has to
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: do his own growing.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, that's good, that's good, right, And so so
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: what's what's cool is if you can just back off
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: and you know, sit on your hands, and people think, well,
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: is that even responsible to their parent? But they it's
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: that independence that they're wanting, that autonomy. They want you
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: to know that you believe in them. I remember even
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: in the little things, you know, when they when the
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: boys we'd be out fishing and I think. I don't
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: know if I've told this story, but we were out
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: at the WR ranch, you know, and it was about
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: spawn time, and you know, I have my truck out there,
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: and and I'm with one of the boys. And they're
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: not old enough to drive. They haven't had drivers at yet.
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: And but you know, they've driven golf carts and they've
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: driven goat carts and driven little cars here and there,
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: and you know, at the arcades and all that. But
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: I remember, and they knew some basics, you know, I
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: trained them on the basics. But I think Christian was
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: twelve or thirteen years old, right, hadn't had his learners permit, didn't.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Have a driver's license.
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: And we were out there at the tank and I said, hey, Sonny,
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: pull the car around, but you know, pull the truck around.
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: And he looked at me like what me? And and
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: you know, and when I was walking away, I'm thinking, man, please, God,
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: don't let him drive this thing of the tank. But
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: you know, besides driving in the tank or hitting the cow,
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: there wasn't much damage he could do. And when I
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: walked away, I just remember him feeling like, Wow, Dad
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: believes in me.
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  Speaker 3: You know.
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: That was that's what that's saying. It's like, wow, Dad
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: believes in me, maybe more than I believe in myself.
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: So that's a really really important concept as we you know,
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: allow our kids to start, you know, figuring stuff out
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: for themselves.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, there was There's a saying that I thought
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: of just a little bit ago and it has always
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: stuck with me, and I hope I don't butcher it,
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: but it said, you can speak to your It's primarily
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: about sons, but you could, you know, but you can
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: speak to your son as a prince or a punk
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: and whoever you speak to will show up.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah, that core principles. They are going to rise
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: to the level in which you treat them, or see
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: them or expect of them.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it'll start to manifest in them what you
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: see and what you speak over them, what you believe,
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: because they are still looking to you.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: Do you believe in me? Do I have what it takes?
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Right? Sometimes it can be a little or a lot daunting,
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: a little bit scary because I think of all of
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: the all of the people that we've met with through
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: the years, and so many of them go back to
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: you know, like something that hurt them as a you know,
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: as a child or a teenager or a young adult,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: and it was something that a parent or a coach
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: or some figure, you know, some adult figure in their
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: life spoke to them and it really wounded them, you know,
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: and maybe even led them down a different path of
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: really believing some some you know, lies about themselves. And
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: so you think, wow, that's scary to think of how
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: much power lies in the tongue, you know, because you
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: can you know, you may be tired, or you may
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: be irritated, or you may be you know, afraid or
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: angry about something else. But if you let loose on
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: your kids and you say something I'm not saying, it's
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: like irreversible. You know. There's you were always very very
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: good and a great example of when you said something
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: that you're like a man, I shouldn't have said that
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: or should shouldn't have said it that way, and you
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: would go back to the kids and say, hey, listen,
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: that was not about you, you know, so repairing that
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: that you know, damage or that hurt that you know
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: may have been spoken. But there's just so much power
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: in the tongue.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: I remember seeing that Numa video n Oo m a
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: they're old videos that Lockville used to do, and one
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: of them was was entitled Lump l u MP Lump,
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: and it was about the kid who had been scolded
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: by a parent and gets sent to their room and
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: he you know, runs away and he crawls up in
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: bed and pulls his cover over him and he's crying,
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: you know hard. Well then he cries himself to sleep,
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: and the parent that comes and finds them in that lump,
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: they pull the covers back and it's that kid just
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: sweaty and tears on their face kind of dried and
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: they had just there when they when they kind of
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: cry themselves asleep, they're wondering and my good does my
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: daddy or mommy love me?
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: And my good kid?
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: And so it's yeah, I mean I blew it all
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: the time, but there's there's times, you know, where they
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: deserved It's like, okay, so what you did that was
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: a knucklehead move and you deserved the punishment, but you
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: know what the the my anger and what I said,
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: you know that that's on me.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: That's not on you. You did not deserve that.
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: And yeah, so it's at the end of every interact,
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: making sure you tell yes child, man, I love you,
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: or you tell you're grown, you know, you're you're seventeen,
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: eighteen year old boy.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: Hey, you're a good kid.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: Right, It's tell them who they are, not who they aren't, right,
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: instead of saying you're a liar. You know, no, hey
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: that was a lie. You're not a liar. You're a
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: truth teller. We tell truth in this family, and so
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: it's speaking that over them and expecting that and just
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: just showing them at the end of the day, I
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: love you and I believe in.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: You, Yes, because I do believe there's I mean you absolutely.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: As parents, your job is to discipline, to train, to teach,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: you know, and so there are I'm not saying, you know,
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: just completely pull back and like you can never you know,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: discipline your children, you know. But just like you said,
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: there is a completely different way to do it. It
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: really does have to do with the words that you
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: speak over them, you know, and they I mean even
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: as like old tiny kid. Sometimes I hear parents saying
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: things and their kids are in earshot like they know
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: they're hearing them, And I'm like, do you know what
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: you're speaking? These labels that you're giving your kids or
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: the way that you're speaking about them to other people.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: They're listening to that that is having a huge effect
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: on them.
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the boy who was shamed in front of
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: his friends because the dad makes fun of him. I
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: remember one time when my actual my father, we were
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: sitting at a table and I was in eighth grade
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: and my best friend was over and I didn't want
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: to eat some of my vegetables and the kid was eating.
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: He's like, yeah, look at there, your friend is eating
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: his vegetables, and look how big and strong you want
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: to be scrawny or big, big and strong like him?
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: And that I still remember that to this day. Right,
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: and you said it. But the messages when especially a
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: young man is told by his father. But and it's not,
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: you know, gender specific. It can be a young girl
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: being told by her father or the mother that you're stupid,
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: you'll never amount to anything. You know, So many men
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: that I grow, that I talked to in their forties
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: and fifties, they're still trying to win that approval of
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: a father who maybe he never knew, or that abandon
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: the family, or that has passed away, but he was
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: told you'll never amount to anything. You're so stupid, You're
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: a screw up. Why do you always do that? You're embarrassing.
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: Those are like, literally, you're speaking death over that kid
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: and they believe it. And so so a man thinketh
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: in his heart? So is he right? And we talked
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: about it. So that's those core wounds that they bring
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: into relationships. And so I always say, what's the answer
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: to that? How do we heal that? You will know
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: the truth and the truth will set you free. So
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: when you hear from God the truth about your identity,
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: that will you will be set free from the tyranny
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: of the judgment of your peers, your parents, your coach,
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: your teacher that spoke that death over you. So it's
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: important that we hear the voice of God. Right, And
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: then that's a whole nother podcast. How do we do that? Yes,
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: But so you know, it's interesting that we've gotten into that.
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: What was so cool about I think when you can
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: back off and not try to control and steer your
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: kid when they are starting to make some of their
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: mistakes and they're wanting that independence, they're wanting that autonomy.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: You model.
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: So most of parenting is caught, it's not taught. So
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: model what you want right, They're going to see that
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: and at some point train up a child and the
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: way they should go, and when they're older, they will
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: not depart from it. So if you can be their friend,
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: encourage them, be that encouragement, then what we see is
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: instead of being eighteen and then you know, flipping the
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: finger and saying I'm out of here and I won't
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: be back, your adult children want to come home and
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: they want to be around you. And if you don't,
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: you know, offer this unsolicited advice, we find our adult
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: children are actually coming to us and asking for advice
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: because they respect to you because you haven't intruded and
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: you haven't hovered. And then not only do they want
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: to come back, so you get to see them, the
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: grandkids and then all the kids, and you become this
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: hub for the big poker nights and having the party
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: with Rue. Yeah, and all these young adult girls who
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: just want to come over, you know, come over and
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: be with Rue and have fun. So yeah, I mean,
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: so you get the benefit. And that's what it's about.
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: That's when you feel like the richest man in the world.
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: It's not about having a lot of money or the
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: toys and the cars and the boats. It's about having
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: that full house and that home where the love is.
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: The kids will return to where the love is.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: They will, they will, and it's a sweet sweet season
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: for us for you know, I think we've said for
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: a while and this is kind of an interesting concept,
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: but you know about how we always say raising kids,
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: you know, we're just raising kids, and just kind of
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: flipping that and saying, no, our kids raised us. You know,
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: I think about as we started having kids, how old
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: was I I was, I don't know, twenty five, twenty yeah,
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: like twenty six or twenty seven, yep. And I mean
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: we were, you know, not kids. But I look back
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: and I think, oh, we thought we knew it, didn't
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: we But we just still were so young and so learning,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: you know, learning so much, And you know, I do
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: think it's I don't think that we live with a
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: lot of regrets at all. I don't, but I do
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: look back and think, Man, how different would I parent now,
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: you know, as a fifty seven year old, just because
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: there's you've you've you know, gone over so much ground
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: and you've learned so much in yourself, and so it
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: as you're raising kids, you know, in your twenties, or
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: your thirties, you're growing with them, so it is actually
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: like they're raising you. You know, there is no greater
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: teacher than being a parent. And so I think now
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: the sweet thing, one of the sweet things that we
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: love about being a Memi and a papa is because
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: we you know, well we can hang out with them
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: and give them sugar and give them back. Awe, that's
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: like the joke, but that's that's really I mean, the
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: truth is we're there not for every you know, as
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: a parent, you're so tired. How many baths have we given,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: how many lunches have we made, how many messes have
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: we cleaned up? How many toys have we you know,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: stepped on, or you know, how many minivans have we
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: had to vacuum out? Like it just it can be
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: a whipping you know, just really tiring. And so you know,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: now on the other side of that, you're like, man,
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: it goes so fast.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: I do all enjoy fast.
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: But when you're in the throes of that, there's the
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: insecurity and sometimes in the fears and the world. Are
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: we doing finances? How are we going to raise these kids?
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: What are they going to become? How are we going
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: to navigate the school system, all the sports. You know,
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: there's just so much of the unknown that you can
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: now look back and go, man, just chill. We've got
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: some peace, We've got some wisdom about that. So you're
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: not as stressed, and we can be in the moment.
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: It's it's a lot easier to be present as Mimi
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: and Papa.
• 21:25
  Speaker 5: So yeah, so let me ask you this rue, when
• 21:30
  Speaker 5: your your mommy and daddy are kind to you and
• 21:33
  Speaker 5: they tell you the things that make you feel good,
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: what are some of the things your mommy and daddy
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: say to you that make you feel that they love you.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: I don't I don't know, you don't know.
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: Okay, how about when they say you are kind?
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: How does that make you feel good? Good?
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: And that makes you want to be Does that make
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: you want to be more kind? Or make you unkindoy kind?
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: And you're a You're a great big sister. You're so
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: so sweet and helpful with Max and Georgia, you know what.
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: And she's so thoughtful. Yesterday we were running through the
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: Dollar General looking for some toys, and we were at
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: this little overstocked freight whatever surplus store and I looked
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: up and on the top it was was it Lee
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: Low or Stitch? Up there? Stitch, wasn't it? Do you
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: remember when I pulled down Stitch and I said, hey,
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: would you like Stitch? And she goes hmm. I think
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: Georgia would be upset.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: Because that's what Georgia George Georgia.
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: She loves Stitch, and so she was. I just thought
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: that was so sweet that instead of saying, hey, yeah,
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: I want that for myself, you were thoughtful and you
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: were worried that Georgia may be maybe a little upset
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: if you got it. So we're gonna save that for Georgia.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: I thought that was so sweet.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: That for her next birthday. Yeah. Yeah. So hopefully Georgia
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: won't hear this.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: It'll she better not listen to this podcast. Another thing
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: that I noticed with, you know, with with Chandler and
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: Ryan with Rue Max and Georgia, and then also Christian
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Emily with Charlotte, just how in touch I think they
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: are with the kid's emotions and allowing them space to
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: feel those emotions, you know, rather than just saying no, no,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: we're not going to act like that or no. And
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: I'm saying it's not that they don't discipline them but
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: they look at it more like, no, we're this is
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: training ground. We're going to teach them. We're going to
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: talk to them, like tell me, you know what, what
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: are you feeling? You know, right now, just just a
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: few minutes ago, when I was brushing Rue's hair on
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: it with her prince's dress, you know, she started kind
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: of crying, I don't want to brush my hair. And
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: so we talked. I said, I know it's not fun
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: sometimes to brush our hair, but we're almost done, and
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: and so I said, tell me what you're feeling, and
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: she said, I'm just sad. I just need a hug.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: So I just hugged her and held her. And that
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: just came from asking you know how you know why
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: she was sad about brushing her hair because it wasn't
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: like ripping it out, you know, with tangles. She just
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: did not want to stop and brush her hair right then.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: And so just I think giving them a space to tell,
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: you know, giving a name to those emotions and letting
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: them kind of be curious about that and not just
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: shut them down if they're mad or if they're sad,
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: you know, let them be and give them a safe
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: space to talk about it.
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: You know, well, just most of us are not really
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: good at getting in touch with our emotions and actually
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: feeling what we feel. It's scary, it's sometimes it's daunting,
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: and it's worrisome, and we want to project how we're
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: feeling on our kids or vice versa. You know, it's
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: like we're taking on some of the things and we
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: want to rescue them from feeling it. And yeah, if
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: we could all just be better about letting ourselves feel.
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: You know, you can't heal what you don't feel, right,
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: And going back to something you said earlier, babe, is
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: you know once obviously, you know, when we're we talked
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: about those core wounds that we have, and if you
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: believe in those lies, then you're bringing this, this train
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: wreck of a person into these relationships. And that's what
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: I brought into our marriage, right, So I have unhealed wounds.
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: And then when i'm you know, yelling at my kids,
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: that's not about them, that anger, that was about my
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: unhealed wounds. And so by the time we figure our
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: stuff out, usually the horse has left the barn. Man,
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: we've already screwed our kids up, right, and so they
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: dang it, like, why is it that way, why are
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: we young and having our kids young before we're healed.
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: And that's just the way it is. And that's why
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: you're right. Our kids they raise us our consciousness, the
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: what we learn, our lessons, the way they they will
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: say these innocent little things that make us look inside
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: and when we can be self aware and introspective in
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: those moments and say, wow, they just touched on something
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: that just was a mirror that showed me who I
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: really am. And if we don't shut that down, if
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: we don't turn it around and you know, let that
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: blast them, we can really grow up. They can help
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: us grow up.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: It is one of the most refining things that.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: We ever do. We can be done in a few minutes.
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: Yes, you're being a great, great, great podcast partner.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Know this is awesome.
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: We're almost done because we're going to be hitting the
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: road here in a minute. So as far as the
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: adult Jamie, one of the adult children, one of the
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: things that was cool, Chan and I are, you know,
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: oldest daughter. We're very much alike. We're wired so much
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: the same. And you and and she kind of butted
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: heads and kind of middle high school, and you know,
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: some of that maybe was the angst and and even
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: some of the modeling. What I showed her some of
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: the disrespect that I've apologized for, you know, and and
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: told her was it's like, hey, you know, you don't
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: talk to your mom like that. And she looked at
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: me like, really, you're gonna tell me that? And so yeah,
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: the Holy Spirit convicted me through her and said, Okay,
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: well you know what it's not. It's not good for me,
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: but it's not good for you either, sweetie. So we're
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: both gonna try to clean that up. But but man,
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: what has been beautiful to watch is the relationship you
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: have now with her. So what could have gone really,
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: really south had you just continue to, you know, exacerbate
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: I guess some of the barriers and the junk that
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: was between you guys, But she's growing up. You you know,
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: you just calmly kind of backed off and allowed that
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: to be what it was. And now I mean just
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: seeing the way she loves and respects you, and how
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: really it's like y'all are best friends.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, if I could pick, like, okay, who
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: could I go spend the day with. Let's go get
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: our nails done or go to lunch or you know,
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: go to you know, Spain for two weeks. I'd picked
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: Chandler like, I love, love, love spending time with her,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: and you know, that's that is a good point. And
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: I do. I share this with people a lot that
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I you know, again, I wish I knew more what
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: I know now about personality types. And you know how
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: we've studied the enneagram a little bit. I wish I
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: would have understood a little bit more the personality the
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: temperament of each of our kids. And you know, they're
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: not all the same. It's not just a you know,
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: a template like one size fits all. And so now
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: that I know what I know, you know, Chan being
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: a four on the Enneagram, I'm a two on the Enneagram.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: You know, Chan is a big feeler kind of person.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, and I have big feelings too, but she
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: likes to kind of sit in those feelings. Fours really
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: feel super big feelings, and they usually are creatives and
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: so they use all those emotions to drive their painting
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: or their writing or their dancing or you know, music,
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: whatever it is. And Chan is a beautiful, like phenomenal writer.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: If y'all don't follow her, her name is Chandler Castle, now,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: so you need to go find her on Instagram or
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Facebook just.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: A level to really really beautiful.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: And so she feels all these big feelings and like,
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: don't take them away from me. I want to sit
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: in them because it's really it helps guide her through life. Well,
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: here I am as a to a helper. What do
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I want to do? I want to go and take
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: those feelings from her. So if she's feeling big feelings
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: in middle school, comfortable, yeah, And so I'm like, oh,
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: it's okay, no big deal. Let's go let's go bake brownies,
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: or let's go get our nails done, or let's go
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: It's okay, but you don't have to worry about that.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Blow that off. So what I was wanting to do
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: was pull those feelings away from her, and she was pulling.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: It was an arm wrestling match because she's like, wait
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: a second, I don't want to but she didn't know
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: how to voice it. She was just like, don't don't
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: sugarcoat everything. Mom. I wanted to cheerlead and sugarcoat and
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: make things better for everyone around me, not knowing that
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: that was hamstringing her, you know, So now I wouldn't
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: white there.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he started feeling it.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So if I would have known more about that
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: when she was little, I would be like, Okay, so
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: she needs these feelings, she needs we all do. We
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: all need to experience those feelings. We don't need to
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: just medicaid or them out or and so I would
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: have known better how to work through that. But again,
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: no regrets, because it really kind of built up to
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: where we are now, you know, and there's so much
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: grace and love and forgiveness, you know, because they, like
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: you said, they always come back to where the love is.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: They'll remember some things we could have, should have, would
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: have done different, but also there's you know, will always
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: have it.
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: One of the dynamics I want to touch on that.
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: That's I mean, I see it in a lot of
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: couples that come to us for help and they're struggling
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: with parenting. It's the different parenting styles and just how
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: I was the you know, I was the hard ass.
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: You were the pushover in my mind. You know, you're
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: too lenient, You're that you're too strict, you're too rigid.
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: And my family of origin, you know, we grew up,
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: we had more structure. You had a little more less structure.
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: Let's say, in your in your home growing up, and
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: so we had our you know, way of looking at
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: the world, way of doing things, and and yeah, could
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: I be too hard sometimes?
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: Sure? Yeah? Could you be too easy sometimes? Yeah?
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: But this good cop bad cop and me, you resenting me,
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: and me resenting you, and you're trying to buffer the
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: kids from big battle dad, and you know, uh, and
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: me feeling disrespected many times in that moment. I mean,
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: that's a real thing. I mean, we could go on
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: and on, but that's that's such a huge, ubiquitous dynamic
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: and so many couples and I want to just say, look,
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: if that's you and you're struggling with that, man, look
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: us up.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: I mean, you know, call us.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: We have a little bit about that.
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: We have so much we can help talk through with
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: you on that. It's I mean so so. But here's
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: the deal. When I can be influenced by you and
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: truly let you see, yeah, baby, okay, something we're almost done.
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: When when I can allow you to influence me and
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: to show me some of my blind spots and maybe
• 32:58
  Speaker 4: where I could soften up a little. Maybe not in
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: front of the kids and not in the heat of
• 33:02
  Speaker 4: the moment, you know, but taking aside, and I can
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: take you aside and say, heybe I really think you
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: may be you know, enabling them or disabling them in
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: some way overfunctioning you know, what have you and they
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: need some tough love, you know, whatever the case, they
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: you know, they they end up. Here's what's so cool,
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: you know, is as hard as I was quote unquote,
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: and as lenient, as easy or pushover as you were,
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: they all respect both of us in our own way, right,
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: And so you know when you think, oh man, I've
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: really screwed up and they're going to be done with
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: me because I was this or I was that, you know,
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: being their parent and not being so popular, not being
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: their friend, but being their parent, Like, stick to your
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: guns because they do respect you. So that's the cool
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: thing when I see, especially my boys, you know, and
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: the respect they have for me now and you know
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: we've gone over all the could be would be resentments
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: that they could have felt or would feel. And I
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: think we've done so much work around that. You know,
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: my apologies for being you know, when when you blow it,
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: because dads will blow it, yeah, and uh, you've heard
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: to say before you just blow it less frequency and
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: blow it to less frequently and blow it to less degree. Yeah,
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: but I love the respect that I feel from them.
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: And that's that's even with screwing up and being the
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: hard but you know, in our in our marriage and
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: then to see how much they respect you because of
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: who you were. And so it's that that cool dynamic
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: that they received from both parents that when we were
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: really functioning on that same page. Yeah, uh and it
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: but it took us forever to get there.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it did. But it was a beautiful I think
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: it's a beautiful blend. And you know, just a testament
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: now to us, you know, not quitting, sticking it out,
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: you know, and giving them just a place to come
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: back to, you know, and now watching them become parents
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: and have some questions and seeing you know, it's like
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: now they're like, oh okay, yeah I think.
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: So, Yeah, there's a lot of you don't have to say,
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: well just wait one day because I told you so,
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: because they're going to come and they're they're they're waking
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: up and they're becoming conscious.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: They're going, oh, they're their kids are raising them too, sore,
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: raising them beautiful circle of life and not.
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: Only do you get. It's that legacy of home and
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: then wanting to be here. So you see your kids
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: and grandkids, and you know, if you're lucky enough for
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: them to be local and they want to be around,
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: but also they're friends. And so so many times we
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: see a lot of you know, the the young adult
• 35:41
  Speaker 4: you know, whether they're married or not. These these kids
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: and a lot of them didn't have really strong families
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: or strong family bonds and and they're just so looking
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: for that that belonging. So again, man, if you if
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: you invest in your family, then you can become that
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: surrogate family for a lot of the people who really
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: really did not have that. And that's so rewarding, you know,
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: because at the end of the day, that's we all
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: want to belong. We want to know that we're significant.
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: Someone sees us, someone hears us, someone believes in us.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: It's so many of these young men, especially man, I'm
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: just they're needing someone that can look at them and say, man, dude, I'm.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: Proud of you, good job. I believe in you.
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: I believe in you more than you believe in yourself.
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: So that that's the environment you want to set. And
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: so as a parent, I would just say try to,
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: you know, pick your pick your battles, pick your spots
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: where you're going to share your wisdom. But always, you know,
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: a sage never runs down the pupil or the student.
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: He waits for them to approach them. Otherwise you're kind
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: of throwing your pearl before swine.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: So remember that.
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: Just be just just chill out, back off, let the
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: kids come to you.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you have fun, so really fun as much as possible.
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: What do you think, baby, I think we're done. You
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: want to you want to tell everybody something as we
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: wrap up.
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: Bye bye bye
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: Bye bye bye