Latest / All The Light She Found / How Embracing Imperfection Led Me to Reclaim My Light Amid Grief
Transcript
- Episode 1 Stating Over: Hello and welcome. I'm your host, Kelly McGurk, and this is All the Lights She Found. You guys, this is episode one, and I am so grateful you're listening. I don't know how you found me, but I'm glad you're here. This has been on my mind for well over a year, for sure. If you followed me before, you know that there was a podcast called Girl Get Woke. and I had some amazing followers. So if you're back, my goodness, welcome back. I am so glad you're here. And if you're new, thank you. I love meeting new friends. I have been wanting to start this podcast because I have had the craziest life experiences over the last couple of years that have literally taught me so many things. if you don't know me, I am a therapist and I've been doing that for over 30 years and I'm an avid Lifelong learner. I love learning new things about myself. I love having great conversations with other people My basic run on life is that Everybody has a story and everybody's story is so important and I love hearing them all to be honest So I'm going to share some of my story, not because my story is important, probably the opposite, but I think that in my story, you guys can find pieces of yourself and hopefully by walking together, you can start to maybe find some of your own light. That's what I'm hoping this podcast to be. It's going to be really great conversations about the hard things. But it definitely isn't going to be hard all the time, trust me. I hope that we can laugh together, maybe shed a few tears, but my goal in this is literally to be vulnerable with you guys so that maybe you can pick up some things to help you find more of your light. Because that freaking brings me joy, I'm going to tell you that. will say that... I think the timing in life is hilarious because for me, I'm always thinking about how can I make this perfect? What does this need before I can put that out there? What kind of title? What do I need to say so that it really helps people that are listening? I'm way too old for that because what I know is that nothing's ever perfect and you just got to start somewhere. So one thing about... the last 18 months of my life is that I've really, for me, I'm not gonna be crazy. I haven't like climb out, you know, Monjaro or anything, but for me, I have been very brave and I have done some things that have been really outside of my comfort zone and I've pushed myself. so this podcast, I've done one before and I love doing it. So it's not that that's scary. It's just because I put so much pressure. on myself to make sure that it's of value enough. And I was like, screw this. What have you been learning all year? Like, come on, girl. You don't have to wait until it's perfect to begin something beautiful. And so that's where I'm at. The last 18 months have been a grief journey. If you would have asked me... five years ago, what my life would be right now. I can assure you it wouldn't be what I'm doing. But what I can tell you is that through the hard, I am in one of my favorite chapters right now, which is so crazy. And it's not because I'm not still sad some days or because it's easy now. It's just because that I've literally shown up for myself in different ways. so it's been really hard, but really amazing. I have grieved deeper than I knew was possible. I have spent time with beautiful friends who have shown up for me in ways that I am so truthfully humbled by. I knew that group was Amazing. But the last 18 months have literally brought me to tears so many times in how tender and supportive and constant these friends have been in my life. It's been amazing. I have remembered parts of myself that I had lost and forgotten. I think that's so crazy that I've given myself time for the first time in... I mean, you guys all know we get busy. mean, I was running businesses and raising a child and being in a marriage and, you know, had beautiful friendships and family. That's amazing. And so you just get full and you don't take the time to see what parts of you have been dropping off, you know, along the way. So This year looks way different than I thought that it would. And maybe your years look different than you thought it would. But I think that the interesting thing is if we look, there's always light. There's always going to be light. that's the cool thing. There's always going to be hard. That's for damn sure. But there's going to be light. I have spent 30 years of my life sitting across from amazing people who sat and told the hard truths about their life. And I love that. My job is like, it's like not even a job, it's a gift. Being able to walk with people in their hardest seasons is truthfully like, forever grateful for that. But one thing that I found in that is people don't need another person telling them what to do. They need someone to help them understand why they've been stuck and creates a safe space asking questions that are curious so that you can look at areas and start asking why the story that you believed about yourself for so long. is no longer working. So one thing that I'm gonna talk about every single week is curiosity and being curious about your own life. And not what's wrong with me, but what do I need to learn? Because one thing that I know is that curiosity creates compassion and compassion is healing. That's for sure. So I don't believe we lose ourselves. I think we lose sight of ourselves. I think that life takes pieces, just tiny bits at a time until you don't notice. And then one day you wake up and you go, man, I don't even know who I am anymore. I have sat across from so many people, women and men, a lot of women though, you say, what do you want for your life? And they're like, I don't know. haven't had time or the luxury of wondering what I want for myself. I've sat with women who put everything they had into their careers and all of a sudden they wake up one day and they're like, this isn't bringing me joy. This isn't, what am I doing here? heard about bad marriages and the people pleasing and the caregiving and the trauma and the heartbreaks. and grief. And I always, always see light in every situation. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck. Doesn't mean we wanted to do it again. Definitely doesn't mean we'd order it up if we're like, hey, this is what I'd like for my life. That's probably not what happened. But I do think that my favorite part about healing and about learning about ourselves is that we're pretty freaking amazing and we have a lot to offer. But where we get lost is we stop asking ourselves what we need and what's missing for us. And so losing my husband and having the time and the space, a lot of space, trust me, it was a little rough in the beginning, asking myself the hard questions asking myself why I'm afraid of doing certain things or showing up in certain ways and literally doing things about it. And I'll tell you over some... episodes of some of the amazing things that I've done and how it was life-changing in really small ways. So I just, I'm here because honestly, I feel more alive than I have in a really long time. And I've done a lot of work over the last 18 months with my own therapist, physically, emotionally, spiritually, all the things. And I've put myself in situations that felt pretty uncomfortable. But one thing that I love so much is that I love asking questions and I love watching women realize their potential. And I love when hope starts to return to people and they start realizing like, my God, I missed me. I missed me, where have I been? And really talking about the things that actually matter. It's just, healing never happens in isolation. It happens in safe relationships when someone can go, my God, me too. Like, holy smokes, I felt exactly that way. And something about that in itself feels so healing. So I think what I'm hoping for this whole experience is that some weeks it'll challenge. us and some weeks we'll talk about relationships or friendships or dating or trauma or books that we love or starting over just all the messy freaking beautiful things that make us human. I will tell you I don't have it all figured out that's for sure. But I can say what I know and I know and I know is that we all have the capacity. to love our life. And it just takes some time to sit back and ask ourselves the hard questions. And so I think for you, you can ask yourself, what's one next step that your heart kind of already knows that you need? what I love so much about my friendships and my work with women in my office is just really taking space to ask each other and support each other and hype each other up and go, girl, you got this, you know? Because life keeps lifein', that's for sure. And I was just talking to my brother about this today. It's like, you have a good period right now where I'm like, my God, I feel so freaking good. My body feels good. I'm in a good place with relationships. I am living my best life and I'm waiting for the freaking shoe to drop. you know, that sucks. I'm working on that. in my world, there's always a shoe. I'm sure you guys feel that sometimes too. But my goal right now is to really be present in what's going great. and continue meeting this version of myself and stepping into this next chapter and making fear my bitch. I used to think peace came from knowing what was going to happen next. And I tried to control a lot of things, which is such a joke. But now I think peace comes from trusting myself that I'm going to be okay no matter what happens next. And having that has been huge. Feeling safe. in myself and in my capacity to handle hard things, but also to freaking chase joy every single day. Peace isn't certainty. That's for sure. I think it's just a knowing that, man, I've been through some hard things and I'm alive and I'm feeling good. And so I know I can do it. And instead of being scared of what if, what if, what if. think it's really just that self-trust and going, I got don't know what chapter you're in today. Maybe you're rebuilding, maybe you're grieving, maybe you're falling in love, maybe you're wondering who the heck you are and if it's too late, but maybe you're finally asking yourself, what do I want? Whatever chapter you're in, man, you're welcome here. I hope every week feels like you're pulling up a chair with a good friend and a cup of coffee. Because we'll tell the truth, we'll laugh, learn, and we'll ask really good questions. And hopefully you guys will leave each other a little lighter than we came in. I just wonder for you, did you find a little light this week somewhere? It's about finding those little pieces. It's about the sunsets. It's about a cute little kid that walks by you in the gym in the morning with these cute little round glasses. It's about your neighbors coming out and yelling your name and asking if they can do a somersault for you before you leave. You know, I don't know. Maybe it was laughing until your stomach hurt with people that you really care about. That's my personal favorite. Or maybe you guys it's something as simple as saying no to something you didn't want to do. Go girl! Right? Whatever it is, don't miss it. Look for those little sparks of light. Chase joy. Because I have the feeling the more we start looking for light, the more we're going to realize it was there all along. So thanks for being with me on episode one. I'm Kelly and this is all the light she found.