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The Emotion Sabotaging Your Money (A Psychologist Explains) · Making Cents

• 0:00
  You
• 0:00
  can
• 0:00
  be
• 0:00
  smart,
• 0:01
  capable,
• 0:02
  fully
• 0:02
  across
• 0:03
  what
• 0:03
  you
• 0:03
  should
• 0:04
  be
• 0:04
  doing
• 0:04
  with
• 0:05
  money
• 0:05
  and
• 0:06
  still
• 0:07
  not
• 0:08
  do
• 0:08
  it.
• 0:08
  You
• 0:09
  know
• 0:09
  you
• 0:09
  should
• 0:09
  ask
• 0:09
  for
• 0:10
  the
• 0:10
  raise,
• 0:10
  you
• 0:11
  know
• 0:11
  you
• 0:11
  should
• 0:11
  start
• 0:11
  investing,
• 0:12
  and
• 0:12
  you
• 0:12
  know
• 0:13
  you
• 0:13
  should
• 0:13
  probably
• 0:14
  stop
• 0:14
  spending
• 0:15
  on
• 0:15
  things
• 0:15
  that
• 0:15
  you
• 0:16
  don't
• 0:16
  care
• 0:16
  about.
• 0:17
  And
• 0:17
  yet
• 0:18
  you
• 0:18
  don't
• 0:18
  do
• 0:18
  the
• 0:19
  things
• 0:19
  that
• 0:19
  you
• 0:19
  know
• 0:20
  you
• 0:20
  should.
• 0:20
  And
• 0:21
  what
• 0:21
  today's
• 0:21
  guest
• 0:22
  wants
• 0:22
  to
• 0:22
  tell
• 0:22
  you
• 0:23
  is
• 0:23
  it's
• 0:24
  because
• 0:24
  you're
• 0:24
  avoiding
• 0:25
  something
• 0:26
  and
• 0:26
  you
• 0:26
  do
• 0:27
  anything
• 0:28
  to
• 0:28
  keep
• 0:28
  avoiding
• 0:29
  it,
• 0:29
  including
• 0:31
  sabotaging
• 0:31
  your
• 0:32
  money
• 0:32
  life.
• 0:33
  Charlotte
• 0:33
  Cummings
• 0:34
  has
• 0:34
  spent
• 0:34
  years
• 0:34
  as
• 0:35
  a
• 0:35
  counselor
• 0:35
  and
• 0:35
  now
• 0:36
  helps
• 0:36
  people
• 0:36
  through
• 0:37
  change
• 0:37
  therapy.
• 0:38
  In
• 0:38
  her
• 0:38
  training,
• 0:39
  she
• 0:39
  found
• 0:40
  something
• 0:40
  that
• 0:40
  can
• 0:40
  be
• 0:40
  applied
• 0:41
  to
• 0:41
  so
• 0:42
  many
• 0:42
  areas
• 0:42
  of
• 0:42
  your
• 0:43
  life.
• 0:43
  Many
• 0:44
  of
• 0:44
  us
• 0:44
  have
• 0:44
  an
• 0:45
  unbearable
• 0:46
  feeling,
• 0:47
  and
• 0:47
  we
• 0:47
  will
• 0:47
  do
• 0:48
  anything
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  make
• 0:49
  sure
• 0:50
  we
• 0:50
  don't
• 0:50
  feel
• 0:50
  it.
• 0:51
  This
• 0:51
  is
• 0:51
  it.
• 0:52
  This
• 0:52
  is
• 0:52
  the
• 0:52
  thing
• 0:52
  that
• 0:53
  is
• 0:53
  behind
• 0:53
  why
• 0:54
  you
• 0:54
  do
• 0:54
  what
• 0:54
  you
• 0:54
  do,
• 0:55
  when
• 0:55
  you
• 0:55
  know
• 0:55
  what
• 0:55
  you
• 0:55
  know.
• 0:56
  This
• 0:56
  idea
• 0:56
  that
• 0:57
  we
• 0:57
  all
• 0:57
  have
• 0:58
  one
• 0:58
  or
• 0:58
  sometimes
• 0:59
  two
• 0:59
  feelings
• 1:00
  that,
• 1:00
  that
• 1:00
  we
• 1:00
  are
• 1:00
  completely
• 1:01
  on
• 1:01
  the
• 1:01
  run
• 1:01
  from,
• 1:02
  that
• 1:02
  we
• 1:02
  structure
• 1:03
  our
• 1:03
  lives
• 1:03
  around
• 1:03
  avoiding,
• 1:04
  and
• 1:04
  we
• 1:05
  just
• 1:05
  don't
• 1:05
  want
• 1:05
  to
• 1:06
  feel
• 1:06
  this
• 1:06
  feeling.
• 1:06
  Whether
• 1:07
  we
• 1:07
  realize
• 1:07
  it
• 1:07
  or
• 1:08
  not,
• 1:08
  we
• 1:08
  often
• 1:08
  build
• 1:09
  a
• 1:09
  lot
• 1:09
  of
• 1:10
  our
• 1:10
  life
• 1:10
  around
• 1:11
  avoiding
• 1:11
  that
• 1:11
  feeling,
• 1:12
  even
• 1:13
  if
• 1:13
  it
• 1:13
  means
• 1:13
  you
• 1:14
  miss
• 1:14
  out
• 1:14
  on
• 1:15
  what
• 1:15
  you
• 1:15
  truly
• 1:15
  want.
• 1:16
  I've
• 1:16
  stayed
• 1:16
  in
• 1:17
  jobs
• 1:17
  too
• 1:17
  long.
• 1:18
  I've
• 1:18
  accepted
• 1:18
  less
• 1:19
  pay
• 1:19
  than
• 1:19
  I
• 1:19
  should.
• 1:20
  I've
• 1:21
  not
• 1:21
  taken
• 1:21
  opportunities
• 1:22
  because
• 1:22
  I
• 1:22
  haven't
• 1:23
  thought
• 1:23
  I
• 1:23
  was
• 1:23
  good
• 1:23
  enough
• 1:24
  to
• 1:24
  put
• 1:24
  myself
• 1:24
  out
• 1:24
  there
• 1:25
  for
• 1:25
  them.
• 1:25
  So.
• 1:26
  Welcome
• 1:26
  to
• 1:26
  Making
• 1:27
  Sense.
• 1:27
  It's
• 1:27
  the
• 1:27
  podcast
• 1:28
  people
• 1:28
  who
• 1:28
  want
• 1:29
  financial
• 1:29
  freedom
• 1:30
  without
• 1:30
  giving
• 1:30
  up
• 1:30
  their
• 1:31
  coffee.
• 1:31
  I'm
• 1:31
  Frances
• 1:32
  Cook,
• 1:32
  a
• 1:32
  financial
• 1:33
  journalist
• 1:33
  and
• 1:33
  fellow
• 1:34
  financial
• 1:34
  freedom
• 1:34
  seeker
• 1:35
  who
• 1:35
  makes
• 1:35
  money
• 1:36
  simple
• 1:36
  for
• 1:36
  you
• 1:37
  today.
• 1:37
  It's
• 1:37
  the
• 1:38
  hidden
• 1:38
  psychology
• 1:39
  that
• 1:39
  sabotages
• 1:40
  your
• 1:40
  money
• 1:40
  decisions
• 1:41
  and
• 1:42
  how
• 1:42
  to
• 1:42
  take
• 1:42
  back
• 1:43
  control.
• 1:43
  This
• 1:44
  episode
• 1:44
  of
• 1:44
  Making
• 1:45
  Sense
• 1:45
  is
• 1:45
  supported
• 1:46
  by
• 1:46
  Odoo,
• 1:47
  the
• 1:47
  affordable
• 1:47
  way
• 1:48
  to
• 1:48
  get
• 1:48
  your
• 1:48
  business
• 1:49
  working
• 1:49
  smarter.
• 1:50
  Go
• 1:50
  to
• 1:50
  odoo.com
• 1:52
  that's
• 1:52
  o-double
• 1:53
  o.com
• 1:53
  for
• 1:54
  more.
• 1:55
  Welcome.
• 1:55
  Thanks
• 1:56
  for
• 1:56
  having
• 1:56
  me.
• 1:56
  Oh,
• 1:57
  it's
• 1:57
  so
• 1:57
  good,
• 1:58
  because
• 1:58
  I
• 1:58
  really
• 1:58
  love
• 1:58
  bringing
• 1:59
  in
• 1:59
  people
• 1:59
  with
• 2:00
  sort
• 2:00
  of
• 2:00
  alternative
• 2:01
  perspective.
• 2:02
  And
• 2:02
  you've
• 2:02
  worked
• 2:03
  as
• 2:03
  a
• 2:04
  counselor
• 2:04
  for
• 2:04
  years.
• 2:04
  You
• 2:05
  now
• 2:05
  help
• 2:05
  people
• 2:06
  manage
• 2:06
  change
• 2:07
  in
• 2:07
  their
• 2:07
  lives
• 2:08
  as
• 2:08
  well,
• 2:08
  which
• 2:09
  must
• 2:09
  be
• 2:09
  fascinating
• 2:10
  to
• 2:10
  be
• 2:10
  part
• 2:10
  of.
• 2:11
  But
• 2:11
  one
• 2:12
  of
• 2:12
  the
• 2:12
  things
• 2:13
  that
• 2:13
  you
• 2:13
  have
• 2:14
  seen
• 2:15
  and
• 2:15
  practice
• 2:15
  a
• 2:16
  lot
• 2:16
  through
• 2:16
  your
• 2:16
  work
• 2:17
  is
• 2:17
  this
• 2:17
  idea
• 2:18
  of
• 2:18
  an
• 2:18
  unbearable
• 2:19
  feeling.
• 2:20
  And
• 2:20
  I
• 2:20
  want
• 2:20
  you
• 2:20
  to
• 2:21
  tell
• 2:21
  me
• 2:21
  what
• 2:21
  that
• 2:21
  is.
• 2:22
  Well,
• 2:22
  it's
• 2:22
  something
• 2:23
  that
• 2:23
  I
• 2:23
  learned
• 2:24
  about
• 2:24
  in
• 2:24
  my
• 2:24
  counseling
• 2:25
  training
• 2:25
  20
• 2:26
  years
• 2:26
  ago,
• 2:26
  and
• 2:27
  it's
• 2:27
  probably
• 2:27
  one
• 2:27
  of
• 2:27
  the
• 2:28
  most
• 2:28
  powerful
• 2:28
  things
• 2:29
  that
• 2:29
  I
• 2:29
  work
• 2:30
  with
• 2:30
  people
• 2:30
  around.
• 2:31
  And
• 2:32
  it's
• 2:32
  this
• 2:32
  idea
• 2:32
  that
• 2:32
  we
• 2:33
  all
• 2:33
  have
• 2:34
  one
• 2:34
  or
• 2:34
  sometimes
• 2:35
  two
• 2:35
  Feelings
• 2:36
  that
• 2:36
  we
• 2:36
  are
• 2:36
  completely
• 2:37
  on
• 2:37
  the
• 2:37
  run
• 2:37
  from,
• 2:38
  that
• 2:38
  we
• 2:38
  structure
• 2:39
  our
• 2:39
  lives
• 2:39
  around
• 2:39
  avoiding.
• 2:40
  And
• 2:40
  we
• 2:41
  just
• 2:41
  don't
• 2:41
  want
• 2:41
  to
• 2:42
  feel
• 2:42
  this
• 2:42
  feeling.
• 2:43
  It
• 2:43
  is
• 2:43
  absolutely
• 2:44
  unbearable
• 2:44
  to
• 2:44
  us.
• 2:45
  So
• 2:46
  there
• 2:46
  are
• 2:46
  a
• 2:46
  whole
• 2:46
  lot
• 2:46
  of
• 2:47
  feelings
• 2:47
  that
• 2:47
  are
• 2:47
  universally,
• 2:48
  you
• 2:48
  know,
• 2:48
  nobody
• 2:49
  likes
• 2:49
  them,
• 2:50
  nobody
• 2:50
  wants
• 2:51
  to
• 2:51
  feel
• 2:51
  unheard,
• 2:52
  nobody
• 2:52
  wants
• 2:53
  to
• 2:53
  feel
• 2:53
  left
• 2:53
  out
• 2:53
  or
• 2:54
  rejected
• 2:54
  or
• 2:55
  that
• 2:55
  they've
• 2:55
  failed
• 2:56
  or
• 2:56
  let
• 2:56
  people
• 2:56
  down.
• 2:57
  But
• 2:57
  for
• 2:58
  all
• 2:58
  of
• 2:58
  us,
• 2:58
  there's
• 2:58
  one
• 2:59
  or
• 2:59
  two
• 2:59
  feelings
• 2:59
  that
• 3:00
  we
• 3:00
  hate
• 3:00
  more
• 3:01
  than
• 3:01
  the
• 3:02
  others
• 3:02
  that
• 3:03
  we
• 3:03
  actually
• 3:03
  find
• 3:04
  unbearable
• 3:04
  and
• 3:05
  not
• 3:05
  just
• 3:05
  unpleasant.
• 3:06
  And
• 3:07
  what
• 3:07
  we
• 3:07
  do
• 3:07
  is
• 3:08
  we
• 3:08
  set
• 3:08
  up
• 3:08
  our
• 3:08
  lives
• 3:09
  so
• 3:10
  that
• 3:10
  we
• 3:10
  don't
• 3:10
  feel
• 3:11
  that
• 3:11
  feeling.
• 3:12
  Sometimes
• 3:13
  in
• 3:13
  that
• 3:13
  process,
• 3:13
  the
• 3:14
  things
• 3:14
  we
• 3:14
  do
• 3:14
  to
• 3:15
  avoid
• 3:15
  the
• 3:15
  feeling,
• 3:16
  we
• 3:16
  actually
• 3:16
  end
• 3:17
  up,
• 3:17
  they
• 3:17
  cause
• 3:18
  pain
• 3:18
  in
• 3:18
  our
• 3:18
  life
• 3:19
  as
• 3:19
  well.
• 3:19
  And
• 3:19
  we
• 3:20
  get
• 3:20
  into
• 3:20
  trouble
• 3:20
  as
• 3:21
  our
• 3:21
  life
• 3:21
  goes
• 3:21
  on
• 3:22
  around
• 3:22
  the
• 3:23
  impacts
• 3:23
  of
• 3:24
  the
• 3:24
  strategies
• 3:25
  we
• 3:25
  have
• 3:25
  to
• 3:25
  avoid
• 3:26
  this
• 3:26
  feeling.
• 3:27
  But
• 3:27
  it
• 3:27
  shows
• 3:27
  up
• 3:28
  in
• 3:28
  our
• 3:28
  lives
• 3:28
  in
• 3:28
  so
• 3:29
  many
• 3:29
  different
• 3:29
  ways
• 3:29
  and,
• 3:30
  yeah,
• 3:30
  causes
• 3:30
  people
• 3:31
  a
• 3:31
  lot
• 3:31
  of
• 3:31
  heartache.
• 3:32
  So
• 3:32
  there's
• 3:32
  different
• 3:33
  types
• 3:33
  of
• 3:34
  feelings
• 3:34
  that
• 3:35
  we
• 3:35
  might
• 3:35
  have
• 3:36
  as
• 3:36
  our
• 3:36
  own
• 3:36
  unbearable
• 3:37
  feeling.
• 3:38
  Yeah.
• 3:38
  So,
• 3:38
  you
• 3:39
  know,
• 3:39
  some
• 3:39
  of
• 3:39
  the
• 3:39
  common
• 3:39
  ones
• 3:40
  are
• 3:40
  an
• 3:41
  unbearable,
• 3:41
  terrible
• 3:41
  feeling
• 3:42
  of
• 3:42
  failure,
• 3:42
  of
• 3:43
  disappointing
• 3:43
  others,
• 3:44
  of
• 3:44
  being
• 3:45
  disappointed,
• 3:46
  of
• 3:47
  feeling
• 3:47
  unheard,
• 3:48
  feeling
• 3:49
  left
• 3:49
  out
• 3:50
  or
• 3:50
  not
• 3:50
  good
• 3:50
  enough
• 3:51
  or
• 3:51
  rejected.
• 3:52
  There's
• 3:53
  a
• 3:53
  whole
• 3:53
  big
• 3:53
  list
• 3:53
  of
• 3:53
  them.
• 3:53
  I
• 3:54
  have
• 3:54
  listed
• 3:54
  out
• 3:55
  everything
• 3:55
  that
• 3:56
  I've
• 3:56
  seen
• 3:56
  over
• 3:56
  my
• 3:57
  career
• 3:57
  into
• 3:58
  a
• 3:58
  little
• 3:58
  easy
• 3:59
  downloadable
• 3:59
  guide
• 3:59
  on
• 4:00
  my
• 4:00
  website
• 4:00
  if
• 4:00
  people
• 4:00
  want
• 4:01
  to
• 4:01
  grab
• 4:01
  a
• 4:01
  full
• 4:01
  list.
• 4:02
  And
• 4:02
  it
• 4:03
  is
• 4:03
  just
• 4:03
  a
• 4:04
  chance
• 4:04
  to
• 4:04
  kind
• 4:04
  of
• 4:04
  read
• 4:05
  through
• 4:05
  that
• 4:05
  list
• 4:05
  and
• 4:06
  see
• 4:06
  what
• 4:06
  it
• 4:06
  is
• 4:07
  that
• 4:07
  stands
• 4:07
  out
• 4:08
  that
• 4:08
  you
• 4:08
  don't
• 4:09
  feel.
• 4:09
  So
• 4:09
  that's
• 4:10
  the
• 4:10
  really
• 4:10
  key
• 4:10
  thing
• 4:10
  with
• 4:10
  it.
• 4:11
  This
• 4:11
  is
• 4:11
  the
• 4:11
  feeling
• 4:11
  that
• 4:12
  you
• 4:12
  avoid
• 4:12
  so
• 4:12
  much.
• 4:13
  You
• 4:13
  seldom
• 4:14
  feel
• 4:14
  it.
• 4:14
  And
• 4:14
  if
• 4:15
  you
• 4:15
  do
• 4:15
  feel
• 4:15
  it,
• 4:15
  you
• 4:15
  end
• 4:16
  up
• 4:16
  really,
• 4:17
  really
• 4:17
  distressed.
• 4:18
  So
• 4:18
  where
• 4:19
  do
• 4:19
  these
• 4:20
  things
• 4:20
  come
• 4:20
  from?
• 4:20
  Is
• 4:20
  it
• 4:20
  like
• 4:21
  the
• 4:21
  classic,
• 4:21
  like,
• 4:21
  go
• 4:21
  back
• 4:22
  to
• 4:22
  your
• 4:22
  childhood
• 4:22
  or
• 4:23
  something
• 4:23
  like
• 4:23
  that?
• 4:24
  When
• 4:24
  you
• 4:24
  first
• 4:25
  feel
• 4:25
  this
• 4:25
  feeling
• 4:26
  in
• 4:26
  your
• 4:26
  early
• 4:27
  years,
• 4:28
  you
• 4:28
  end
• 4:28
  up
• 4:28
  going,
• 4:29
  oh,
• 4:29
  I
• 4:29
  really
• 4:29
  hate
• 4:30
  this.
• 4:30
  I
• 4:30
  don't
• 4:31
  want
• 4:31
  to
• 4:31
  feel
• 4:31
  this
• 4:31
  again.
• 4:31
  This
• 4:32
  is
• 4:32
  really
• 4:32
  awful.
• 4:34
  I'm
• 4:34
  not
• 4:34
  going
• 4:34
  to
• 4:34
  put
• 4:34
  myself
• 4:35
  in
• 4:35
  a
• 4:35
  position
• 4:35
  where
• 4:35
  I
• 4:36
  feel
• 4:36
  this
• 4:36
  again.
• 4:37
  So
• 4:37
  it's
• 4:37
  kind
• 4:37
  of
• 4:37
  like
• 4:37
  we
• 4:38
  make
• 4:38
  a
• 4:38
  little
• 4:38
  promise
• 4:39
  to
• 4:39
  ourselves
• 4:39
  from
• 4:40
  that
• 4:40
  first
• 4:40
  experience
• 4:41
  of
• 4:41
  the
• 4:41
  feeling
• 4:42
  which.
• 4:42
  Where
• 4:42
  we
• 4:42
  go,
• 4:43
  I
• 4:43
  don't
• 4:43
  wanna
• 4:43
  feel
• 4:43
  this
• 4:44
  again,
• 4:44
  I'm
• 4:45
  gonna
• 4:45
  avoid
• 4:45
  this
• 4:45
  one.
• 4:46
  How
• 4:46
  much
• 4:46
  are
• 4:47
  we
• 4:47
  aware
• 4:47
  of
• 4:48
  these
• 4:48
  things?
• 4:48
  Like,
• 4:49
  do
• 4:49
  we
• 4:49
  tend
• 4:49
  to
• 4:49
  know
• 4:50
  on
• 4:51
  some
• 4:51
  level
• 4:51
  what
• 4:51
  our
• 4:52
  unbearable
• 4:52
  feeling
• 4:52
  is,
• 4:53
  or
• 4:53
  does
• 4:53
  it
• 4:53
  sit
• 4:53
  quite
• 4:54
  deep?
• 4:55
  Yeah,
• 4:55
  most
• 4:55
  of
• 4:55
  the
• 4:56
  time
• 4:56
  it
• 4:56
  sits
• 4:56
  beneath
• 4:57
  the
• 4:57
  surface.
• 4:57
  And
• 4:58
  people
• 4:58
  will
• 4:58
  talk
• 4:59
  to
• 4:59
  you
• 4:59
  about
• 4:59
  the
• 5:00
  things
• 5:00
  that
• 5:00
  they
• 5:00
  struggle
• 5:01
  with.
• 5:02
  Like
• 5:02
  people
• 5:02
  will
• 5:03
  say,
• 5:03
  oh,
• 5:03
  I'm
• 5:03
  a
• 5:03
  People
• 5:04
  pleaser.
• 5:04
  You
• 5:04
  know,
• 5:04
  my
• 5:05
  struggle
• 5:05
  is
• 5:05
  that
• 5:05
  I'm
• 5:05
  a
• 5:06
  people
• 5:06
  pleaser.
• 5:07
  Or
• 5:07
  they'll
• 5:07
  talk
• 5:07
  about
• 5:08
  something
• 5:08
  that
• 5:09
  they
• 5:10
  don't
• 5:10
  like.
• 5:10
  Like,
• 5:10
  I'm
• 5:11
  a
• 5:11
  control
• 5:11
  freak.
• 5:12
  And
• 5:13
  the
• 5:13
  questions
• 5:13
  really
• 5:14
  become,
• 5:15
  why
• 5:15
  are
• 5:15
  you
• 5:16
  that
• 5:16
  way?
• 5:17
  For
• 5:17
  what
• 5:18
  reason
• 5:18
  are
• 5:18
  you
• 5:18
  doing
• 5:19
  those
• 5:19
  things?
• 5:20
  And
• 5:20
  then
• 5:20
  we
• 5:21
  can
• 5:21
  get
• 5:21
  to
• 5:21
  kind
• 5:21
  of
• 5:21
  digging
• 5:22
  and
• 5:22
  exploring
• 5:22
  around
• 5:23
  what
• 5:24
  is
• 5:24
  it
• 5:24
  that
• 5:25
  you
• 5:25
  are
• 5:25
  avoiding
• 5:26
  by
• 5:26
  being
• 5:27
  that
• 5:27
  person?
• 5:28
  Super
• 5:29
  interesting.
• 5:29
  Okay.
• 5:30
  So
• 5:30
  if
• 5:30
  you're
• 5:30
  sort
• 5:31
  of
• 5:31
  listening
• 5:31
  to
• 5:31
  this
• 5:31
  and
• 5:31
  thinking,
• 5:32
  oh,
• 5:32
  I
• 5:32
  don't
• 5:32
  know
• 5:32
  what
• 5:32
  my
• 5:32
  unbearable
• 5:33
  feeling
• 5:33
  is,
• 5:33
  you
• 5:34
  might
• 5:34
  start
• 5:34
  with
• 5:34
  something
• 5:35
  like,
• 5:35
  okay,
• 5:35
  I
• 5:35
  know
• 5:35
  this
• 5:36
  causes
• 5:36
  me
• 5:36
  problems.
• 5:37
  And
• 5:37
  you
• 5:37
  might
• 5:37
  sort
• 5:37
  of
• 5:37
  start
• 5:38
  excavating
• 5:38
  on
• 5:39
  what's
• 5:39
  causing
• 5:40
  that.
• 5:40
  Why
• 5:40
  am
• 5:40
  I
• 5:40
  doing
• 5:40
  it?
• 5:41
  And
• 5:41
  that
• 5:41
  could
• 5:41
  lead
• 5:42
  you
• 5:42
  to
• 5:42
  your
• 5:42
  unbearable
• 5:43
  feeling.
• 5:43
  Absolutely.
• 5:43
  And
• 5:44
  the
• 5:44
  best
• 5:44
  question
• 5:44
  you
• 5:44
  can
• 5:45
  ask
• 5:45
  is,
• 5:45
  how
• 5:45
  come?
• 5:46
  How
• 5:46
  come
• 5:46
  I'm
• 5:47
  doing
• 5:47
  that?
• 5:47
  How
• 5:47
  come
• 5:48
  I
• 5:48
  struggle
• 5:48
  with
• 5:48
  that?
• 5:49
  How
• 5:49
  come
• 5:49
  that's
• 5:50
  showing
• 5:50
  up
• 5:50
  in
• 5:50
  my
• 5:50
  life?
• 5:51
  Like,
• 5:51
  what
• 5:51
  are
• 5:51
  the
• 5:51
  reasons
• 5:52
  why
• 5:53
  you
• 5:53
  are
• 5:54
  being
• 5:54
  the
• 5:54
  way
• 5:54
  that
• 5:55
  you
• 5:55
  are?
• 5:55
  And
• 5:55
  I
• 5:55
  think
• 5:55
  sometimes
• 5:56
  that's
• 5:57
  one
• 5:57
  of
• 5:57
  our
• 5:57
  struggles
• 5:57
  as
• 5:58
  humans
• 5:58
  is
• 5:58
  we
• 5:58
  put
• 5:58
  a
• 5:58
  lot
• 5:59
  down
• 5:59
  to
• 5:59
  personality.
• 6:00
  We
• 6:00
  kind
• 6:00
  of
• 6:01
  say,
• 6:01
  well,
• 6:01
  that's
• 6:01
  just
• 6:01
  how
• 6:01
  I
• 6:02
  am.
• 6:02
  This
• 6:02
  is
• 6:02
  my
• 6:03
  personality.
• 6:04
  But
• 6:04
  actually,
• 6:04
  your
• 6:04
  personality
• 6:05
  built
• 6:06
  on
• 6:06
  the
• 6:06
  basis
• 6:07
  of
• 6:07
  some
• 6:07
  of
• 6:08
  those
• 6:08
  really
• 6:08
  early
• 6:09
  childhood
• 6:09
  experiences
• 6:10
  that
• 6:10
  you
• 6:11
  had.
• 6:11
  And
• 6:11
  we've
• 6:12
  ingrained
• 6:12
  those
• 6:13
  patterns
• 6:13
  and
• 6:14
  ways
• 6:14
  of
• 6:14
  being
• 6:14
  over
• 6:15
  time.
• 6:15
  But
• 6:15
  your
• 6:15
  personality
• 6:16
  doesn't
• 6:16
  need
• 6:16
  to
• 6:17
  be
• 6:17
  fixed,
• 6:17
  doesn't
• 6:18
  need
• 6:18
  to
• 6:18
  follow
• 6:18
  you
• 6:19
  around
• 6:19
  as
• 6:19
  if
• 6:20
  it's
• 6:20
  kind
• 6:20
  of
• 6:20
  able
• 6:20
  to
• 6:21
  cause
• 6:21
  havoc
• 6:21
  in
• 6:21
  your
• 6:21
  life.
• 6:22
  And
• 6:22
  so
• 6:23
  often
• 6:23
  those
• 6:23
  things
• 6:24
  that
• 6:24
  we
• 6:25
  hold
• 6:25
  dear
• 6:26
  to
• 6:26
  us,
• 6:26
  like,
• 6:26
  even
• 6:27
  stories
• 6:27
  like,
• 6:27
  I'm
• 6:28
  a
• 6:28
  perfectionist.
• 6:29
  Well,
• 6:29
  how
• 6:30
  come?
• 6:30
  Why
• 6:31
  are
• 6:31
  you
• 6:31
  a
• 6:31
  perfectionist?
• 6:32
  What
• 6:32
  does
• 6:32
  it
• 6:32
  help
• 6:32
  you
• 6:33
  to
• 6:33
  avoid
• 6:33
  to
• 6:34
  be
• 6:34
  a
• 6:34
  perfectionist?
• 6:36
  And
• 6:36
  I
• 6:36
  think
• 6:36
  one
• 6:36
  of
• 6:36
  the
• 6:36
  key
• 6:36
  things
• 6:37
  with
• 6:37
  unbearable
• 6:37
  feelings
• 6:38
  that
• 6:38
  I
• 6:38
  find
• 6:38
  incredibly
• 6:39
  interesting
• 6:40
  is
• 6:40
  that
• 6:41
  they
• 6:41
  actually
• 6:42
  cause
• 6:42
  some
• 6:42
  really
• 6:42
  good
• 6:43
  things
• 6:43
  in
• 6:43
  our
• 6:43
  lives.
• 6:43
  So
• 6:44
  most
• 6:44
  of
• 6:44
  the
• 6:44
  time,
• 6:44
  our
• 6:45
  top
• 6:45
  achievements
• 6:45
  are
• 6:46
  due
• 6:46
  to
• 6:46
  our
• 6:46
  unbearable
• 6:47
  feelings.
• 6:48
  You
• 6:48
  know,
• 6:49
  the
• 6:49
  things
• 6:49
  we
• 6:49
  get
• 6:49
  accolades
• 6:50
  for,
• 6:50
  the
• 6:51
  things
• 6:51
  that
• 6:51
  our
• 6:51
  friends
• 6:51
  and
• 6:51
  family
• 6:52
  love
• 6:52
  us
• 6:52
  the
• 6:53
  most
• 6:53
  for,
• 6:53
  are
• 6:53
  often
• 6:54
  also
• 6:55
  because
• 6:56
  of
• 6:56
  this
• 6:56
  feeling
• 6:56
  that
• 6:57
  is
• 6:57
  causing
• 6:57
  us
• 6:57
  pain.
• 6:58
  So
• 6:58
  the
• 6:59
  juggle
• 6:59
  becomes
• 7:00
  being
• 7:00
  able
• 7:00
  to
• 7:00
  hold
• 7:00
  onto
• 7:01
  the
• 7:01
  good
• 7:01
  parts
• 7:02
  of
• 7:02
  this
• 7:03
  and
• 7:03
  let
• 7:03
  go
• 7:03
  of
• 7:03
  the
• 7:04
  parts
• 7:04
  that
• 7:05
  are
• 7:05
  causing
• 7:05
  us
• 7:05
  difficulty.
• 7:06
  A
• 7:07
  really
• 7:07
  good
• 7:07
  example
• 7:08
  of
• 7:08
  that
• 7:08
  is
• 7:08
  with
• 7:08
  perfectionism.
• 7:09
  Well,
• 7:10
  sometimes
• 7:10
  in
• 7:10
  life
• 7:11
  we
• 7:11
  want
• 7:11
  to
• 7:11
  be
• 7:11
  perfect
• 7:12
  at
• 7:12
  something,
• 7:13
  and
• 7:13
  we
• 7:13
  want
• 7:13
  to
• 7:14
  apply
• 7:14
  it.
• 7:14
  I
• 7:15
  would
• 7:15
  like
• 7:15
  my
• 7:15
  brain
• 7:15
  surgeon
• 7:16
  to
• 7:16
  be
• 7:16
  a
• 7:16
  perfectionist,
• 7:17
  please.
• 7:17
  Absolutely.
• 7:17
  My
• 7:18
  husband's
• 7:18
  a
• 7:18
  helicopter
• 7:18
  pilot.
• 7:19
  This
• 7:19
  unbearable
• 7:20
  feeling
• 7:20
  is
• 7:20
  failing.
• 7:21
  I'm
• 7:21
  like,
• 7:21
  you
• 7:21
  definitely
• 7:22
  want
• 7:22
  to
• 7:22
  be
• 7:22
  flying
• 7:23
  around
• 7:23
  high
• 7:23
  up
• 7:24
  in
• 7:24
  the
• 7:24
  sky
• 7:24
  with
• 7:24
  this
• 7:25
  complicated
• 7:25
  machine
• 7:26
  with
• 7:26
  Someone
• 7:26
  who
• 7:26
  does
• 7:26
  not
• 7:27
  like
• 7:27
  to
• 7:27
  fail.
• 7:27
  Like,
• 7:27
  if
• 7:28
  this
• 7:28
  is
• 7:28
  a
• 7:28
  good
• 7:28
  thing.
• 7:29
  People
• 7:29
  build
• 7:29
  their
• 7:29
  whole
• 7:30
  careers
• 7:30
  around
• 7:31
  their
• 7:31
  unbearable
• 7:32
  feeling
• 7:32
  often
• 7:33
  as
• 7:33
  well.
• 7:33
  It's
• 7:34
  the
• 7:34
  thing
• 7:34
  we're
• 7:34
  celebrated
• 7:35
  for.
• 7:35
  If
• 7:35
  you
• 7:35
  want
• 7:35
  to
• 7:36
  be
• 7:36
  well
• 7:36
  paid,
• 7:36
  get
• 7:36
  great
• 7:37
  at
• 7:37
  your
• 7:37
  unbearable
• 7:38
  feeling
• 7:38
  is
• 7:39
  kind
• 7:39
  of
• 7:39
  how
• 7:39
  society
• 7:40
  works.
• 7:41
  But
• 7:41
  we
• 7:42
  can
• 7:42
  come
• 7:42
  to
• 7:42
  a
• 7:42
  place
• 7:42
  where
• 7:43
  actually
• 7:44
  we
• 7:44
  are
• 7:44
  in
• 7:44
  charge
• 7:44
  of
• 7:45
  this.
• 7:45
  So
• 7:45
  we're
• 7:46
  not
• 7:46
  on
• 7:46
  the
• 7:46
  run
• 7:46
  from
• 7:47
  the
• 7:47
  feeling.
• 7:47
  We
• 7:47
  can
• 7:47
  risk
• 7:48
  feeling
• 7:48
  it.
• 7:49
  So
• 7:49
  we
• 7:49
  might
• 7:49
  apply
• 7:50
  our
• 7:50
  perfectionism
• 7:51
  in
• 7:51
  areas
• 7:51
  of
• 7:52
  our
• 7:52
  life
• 7:52
  that
• 7:52
  really
• 7:53
  matter
• 7:53
  to
• 7:53
  us,
• 7:54
  in
• 7:54
  areas
• 7:54
  that
• 7:54
  line
• 7:55
  up
• 7:55
  with
• 7:55
  our
• 7:55
  values
• 7:56
  or
• 7:56
  that
• 7:56
  get
• 7:56
  us
• 7:56
  ahead.
• 7:57
  And
• 7:57
  we
• 7:57
  might
• 7:57
  then
• 7:58
  be
• 7:58
  able
• 7:58
  to
• 7:58
  turn
• 7:58
  that
• 7:59
  perfectionism
• 7:59
  down
• 8:00
  on
• 8:01
  things
• 8:01
  that
• 8:01
  don't
• 8:01
  really
• 8:02
  matter
• 8:02
  to
• 8:02
  us.
• 8:03
  We
• 8:03
  need
• 8:03
  to
• 8:03
  be
• 8:03
  in
• 8:04
  control
• 8:04
  of
• 8:05
  ourselves
• 8:05
  and
• 8:06
  how
• 8:06
  we
• 8:06
  apply
• 8:06
  ourselves
• 8:07
  across
• 8:07
  our
• 8:07
  lives.
• 8:08
  That's
• 8:08
  so
• 8:09
  interesting
• 8:09
  because
• 8:10
  I
• 8:10
  so
• 8:10
  agree.
• 8:10
  I
• 8:11
  hadn't
• 8:11
  attached
• 8:12
  it
• 8:12
  to
• 8:12
  the
• 8:12
  framework
• 8:13
  that
• 8:13
  you
• 8:13
  are
• 8:13
  describing.
• 8:14
  This
• 8:14
  framework
• 8:14
  is
• 8:14
  new
• 8:15
  to
• 8:15
  me.
• 8:16
  But
• 8:16
  I
• 8:16
  had,
• 8:16
  on
• 8:17
  some
• 8:17
  level,
• 8:17
  twigged
• 8:18
  to
• 8:18
  it
• 8:18
  with,
• 8:18
  you
• 8:19
  know,
• 8:19
  I've
• 8:19
  been
• 8:19
  very
• 8:19
  lucky
• 8:20
  to
• 8:20
  get
• 8:20
  to
• 8:20
  know
• 8:20
  some
• 8:21
  very
• 8:21
  successful
• 8:21
  people
• 8:22
  in
• 8:22
  various
• 8:22
  forms.
• 8:24
  And
• 8:24
  some
• 8:24
  people
• 8:24
  who
• 8:25
  I've
• 8:25
  got
• 8:25
  to
• 8:25
  know
• 8:25
  as
• 8:25
  friends,
• 8:26
  who
• 8:26
  I
• 8:26
  originally
• 8:26
  were
• 8:26
  sort
• 8:27
  of
• 8:27
  like,
• 8:27
  oh,
• 8:27
  my
• 8:27
  gosh,
• 8:27
  they're
• 8:27
  this
• 8:28
  amazing
• 8:28
  person
• 8:28
  on
• 8:28
  a
• 8:28
  pedestal.
• 8:29
  You
• 8:29
  get
• 8:29
  to
• 8:29
  know
• 8:29
  them
• 8:29
  and
• 8:29
  it's
• 8:29
  like,
• 8:30
  oh,
• 8:30
  they're
• 8:30
  just
• 8:31
  a
• 8:31
  person,
• 8:31
  you
• 8:32
  know,
• 8:33
  and
• 8:33
  a
• 8:33
  lovely
• 8:34
  person
• 8:34
  who
• 8:34
  I
• 8:34
  really
• 8:34
  like,
• 8:35
  don't
• 8:35
  get
• 8:35
  me
• 8:35
  wrong,
• 8:35
  but
• 8:36
  just
• 8:36
  a
• 8:36
  person.
• 8:37
  And
• 8:38
  so
• 8:38
  many
• 8:38
  very
• 8:39
  successful
• 8:40
  people
• 8:40
  that
• 8:40
  I've
• 8:40
  met
• 8:41
  have
• 8:43
  a
• 8:43
  part
• 8:43
  of
• 8:44
  themselves
• 8:44
  that
• 8:44
  is
• 8:44
  deeply
• 8:45
  dysfunctional,
• 8:46
  you
• 8:46
  know,
• 8:46
  and
• 8:47
  it
• 8:47
  is
• 8:47
  often
• 8:47
  the
• 8:47
  same
• 8:48
  thing
• 8:48
  that
• 8:48
  makes
• 8:48
  them
• 8:49
  very
• 8:50
  successful.
• 8:51
  And
• 8:52
  I
• 8:52
  don't
• 8:52
  think
• 8:52
  it's
• 8:52
  necessarily
• 8:53
  the.
• 8:54
  The
• 8:55
  broken
• 8:55
  artist
• 8:56
  sort
• 8:56
  of
• 8:56
  trope.
• 8:57
  Right.
• 8:57
  But
• 8:57
  I
• 8:58
  think
• 8:58
  it's
• 8:58
  true
• 8:58
  what
• 8:59
  you're
• 8:59
  saying
• 8:59
  about
• 9:00
  there
• 9:00
  is
• 9:00
  a
• 9:00
  good
• 9:01
  and
• 9:01
  a
• 9:01
  bad
• 9:01
  side
• 9:02
  to
• 9:02
  a
• 9:02
  lot
• 9:02
  of
• 9:02
  things,
• 9:03
  and
• 9:03
  it's
• 9:03
  learning
• 9:03
  to
• 9:04
  control
• 9:04
  the
• 9:04
  bad
• 9:04
  side
• 9:05
  and
• 9:05
  lean
• 9:05
  into
• 9:05
  the
• 9:06
  good
• 9:06
  is
• 9:07
  really
• 9:07
  powerful
• 9:08
  for
• 9:08
  life.
• 9:08
  Right?
• 9:08
  Yeah.
• 9:09
  And
• 9:09
  life
• 9:09
  gets
• 9:09
  better
• 9:10
  when
• 9:10
  we
• 9:10
  embrace
• 9:11
  those
• 9:11
  things
• 9:11
  that
• 9:12
  we're
• 9:12
  good
• 9:12
  at,
• 9:12
  but
• 9:13
  in
• 9:13
  a
• 9:13
  way
• 9:13
  that
• 9:13
  we're
• 9:14
  not
• 9:14
  being
• 9:14
  run
• 9:15
  by
• 9:15
  our
• 9:16
  own
• 9:16
  fears.
• 9:17
  Our
• 9:17
  lives
• 9:18
  don't
• 9:18
  need
• 9:18
  to
• 9:18
  be
• 9:19
  dictated
• 9:19
  by
• 9:19
  these
• 9:20
  things
• 9:20
  that
• 9:20
  we're
• 9:20
  scared
• 9:21
  of,
• 9:21
  because
• 9:21
  it's
• 9:21
  kind
• 9:21
  of
• 9:21
  like
• 9:21
  the
• 9:22
  monster
• 9:22
  under
• 9:22
  the
• 9:22
  bed
• 9:23
  where
• 9:23
  you're
• 9:23
  really,
• 9:24
  really
• 9:24
  scared
• 9:25
  of
• 9:25
  feeling
• 9:25
  this
• 9:26
  feeling.
• 9:26
  Like,
• 9:26
  I
• 9:26
  can't
• 9:27
  feel
• 9:27
  that.
• 9:27
  That
• 9:27
  is
• 9:27
  too
• 9:28
  scary
• 9:28
  for
• 9:28
  me.
• 9:28
  It's
• 9:29
  too
• 9:29
  much
• 9:29
  for
• 9:29
  me.
• 9:30
  And
• 9:30
  then
• 9:30
  actually,
• 9:31
  what
• 9:31
  happens
• 9:31
  for
• 9:32
  people
• 9:32
  is
• 9:32
  when
• 9:33
  they
• 9:33
  do
• 9:33
  feel
• 9:33
  it,
• 9:34
  when
• 9:34
  we
• 9:34
  do
• 9:35
  expose
• 9:35
  them
• 9:36
  to
• 9:36
  the
• 9:36
  feeling,
• 9:37
  they
• 9:37
  go,
• 9:38
  oh,
• 9:38
  that's
• 9:38
  actually
• 9:39
  not
• 9:39
  that
• 9:39
  bad.
• 9:39
  It's
• 9:40
  actually
• 9:40
  Just
• 9:40
  unpleasant,
• 9:41
  like
• 9:41
  other
• 9:42
  feelings
• 9:42
  I
• 9:42
  want
• 9:42
  to
• 9:42
  avoid
• 9:43
  bumping
• 9:43
  into
• 9:43
  through
• 9:43
  my
• 9:44
  life,
• 9:45
  and
• 9:45
  I
• 9:45
  don't
• 9:45
  need
• 9:45
  to
• 9:46
  be
• 9:47
  so
• 9:47
  on
• 9:47
  the
• 9:47
  run
• 9:47
  from
• 9:48
  this.
• 9:49
  Do
• 9:49
  you
• 9:49
  find
• 9:50
  you
• 9:50
  must
• 9:51
  see
• 9:51
  people
• 9:52
  getting
• 9:52
  caught
• 9:53
  in
• 9:53
  loops?
• 9:53
  Almost.
• 9:54
  Does
• 9:54
  that
• 9:54
  happen?
• 9:55
  Yeah.
• 9:55
  And
• 9:55
  I
• 9:56
  think
• 9:56
  you
• 9:56
  can
• 9:56
  kind
• 9:56
  of
• 9:56
  sniff
• 9:57
  out
• 9:57
  unbearable
• 9:58
  feelings
• 9:58
  when
• 9:58
  you're
• 9:59
  a
• 9:59
  therapist.
• 9:59
  Like,
• 9:59
  you
• 10:00
  know,
• 10:00
  you're
• 10:00
  looking
• 10:00
  at
• 10:00
  people
• 10:01
  going,
• 10:01
  hmm,
• 10:01
  how's
• 10:02
  that
• 10:02
  working
• 10:02
  out
• 10:02
  for
• 10:03
  you?
• 10:03
  You
• 10:03
  know,
• 10:03
  what's.
• 10:04
  What
• 10:04
  might
• 10:04
  be
• 10:04
  going
• 10:05
  on
• 10:05
  there.
• 10:05
  You
• 10:05
  definitely
• 10:06
  kind
• 10:06
  of
• 10:07
  can
• 10:07
  spot
• 10:07
  these
• 10:08
  things
• 10:08
  quite
• 10:09
  quickly.
• 10:10
  Twenty
• 10:10
  years
• 10:10
  into
• 10:10
  the
• 10:11
  therapy
• 10:11
  game,
• 10:12
  our
• 10:12
  unbearable
• 10:12
  feeling
• 10:13
  is
• 10:13
  the
• 10:13
  thing
• 10:13
  that
• 10:13
  stands
• 10:14
  between
• 10:14
  us
• 10:14
  and
• 10:14
  our
• 10:15
  goals.
• 10:16
  So
• 10:16
  if
• 10:16
  there
• 10:16
  are
• 10:16
  things
• 10:17
  that
• 10:17
  you're
• 10:17
  wanting
• 10:17
  to
• 10:17
  achieve
• 10:18
  in
• 10:18
  life
• 10:18
  that
• 10:18
  you
• 10:19
  just
• 10:19
  haven't
• 10:19
  been
• 10:19
  able
• 10:20
  to
• 10:20
  achieve,
• 10:21
  things
• 10:21
  that
• 10:21
  you
• 10:22
  need
• 10:22
  to
• 10:22
  do
• 10:22
  for
• 10:22
  yourself
• 10:23
  or
• 10:23
  that
• 10:23
  you
• 10:23
  want
• 10:24
  to
• 10:24
  do
• 10:24
  for
• 10:24
  yourself,
• 10:25
  dreams
• 10:25
  that
• 10:25
  you
• 10:25
  have,
• 10:26
  this
• 10:27
  unbearable
• 10:27
  feeling
• 10:28
  is,
• 10:28
  I
• 10:28
  promise
• 10:29
  you,
• 10:29
  the
• 10:29
  thing
• 10:30
  that
• 10:30
  is
• 10:30
  standing
• 10:30
  in
• 10:30
  your
• 10:31
  way.
• 10:31
  Because
• 10:32
  if
• 10:32
  you
• 10:32
  could
• 10:33
  allow
• 10:33
  yourself
• 10:34
  to
• 10:34
  feel
• 10:34
  that
• 10:34
  feeling,
• 10:35
  if
• 10:35
  you
• 10:35
  could
• 10:35
  risk
• 10:35
  the
• 10:36
  feeling
• 10:36
  and
• 10:37
  feel
• 10:37
  it
• 10:38
  to
• 10:38
  some
• 10:38
  extent
• 10:39
  and
• 10:39
  get
• 10:39
  over
• 10:40
  that
• 10:40
  fear
• 10:40
  that
• 10:40
  you
• 10:41
  have
• 10:41
  of
• 10:41
  the
• 10:41
  feeling,
• 10:42
  then
• 10:42
  you
• 10:43
  can
• 10:43
  make
• 10:43
  your
• 10:44
  way
• 10:44
  towards
• 10:44
  those
• 10:45
  things
• 10:45
  that
• 10:45
  you
• 10:45
  want
• 10:45
  or
• 10:46
  those
• 10:46
  things
• 10:46
  that
• 10:46
  are
• 10:46
  good
• 10:47
  for
• 10:47
  you.
• 10:47
  So
• 10:47
  many
• 10:48
  people
• 10:48
  message
• 10:48
  me
• 10:48
  and
• 10:48
  say,
• 10:49
  I
• 10:49
  know
• 10:49
  what
• 10:49
  I
• 10:49
  should
• 10:49
  be
• 10:49
  doing
• 10:50
  with
• 10:50
  my
• 10:50
  money.
• 10:51
  I
• 10:51
  just
• 10:51
  can't
• 10:51
  seem
• 10:52
  to
• 10:52
  make
• 10:52
  myself
• 10:52
  do
• 10:52
  it.
• 10:53
  And
• 10:53
  I
• 10:53
  keep
• 10:53
  falling
• 10:53
  back
• 10:54
  into
• 10:54
  these
• 10:55
  habits,
• 10:55
  these
• 10:55
  cycles,
• 10:56
  and
• 10:56
  I
• 10:56
  know
• 10:56
  it's
• 10:57
  not
• 10:57
  good,
• 10:57
  but
• 10:57
  I'm
• 10:57
  still
• 10:57
  doing
• 10:57
  it.
• 10:58
  Unbearable
• 10:59
  feeling
• 10:59
  to
• 10:59
  blame.
• 11:00
  Absolutely.
• 11:00
  This
• 11:01
  is
• 11:01
  it.
• 11:01
  This
• 11:01
  is
• 11:02
  the
• 11:02
  thing
• 11:02
  that
• 11:02
  is
• 11:02
  behind
• 11:03
  why
• 11:03
  you
• 11:03
  do
• 11:04
  what
• 11:04
  you
• 11:04
  do
• 11:04
  when
• 11:04
  you
• 11:04
  know
• 11:05
  what
• 11:05
  you
• 11:05
  know.
• 11:06
  And
• 11:06
  it
• 11:06
  is
• 11:06
  such
• 11:06
  an
• 11:07
  easy,
• 11:07
  powerful
• 11:08
  concept
• 11:08
  to
• 11:09
  be
• 11:09
  able
• 11:09
  to
• 11:09
  pick
• 11:09
  up
• 11:10
  something
• 11:10
  that
• 11:11
  helps
• 11:11
  you
• 11:11
  make
• 11:11
  sense
• 11:12
  of
• 11:12
  why
• 11:13
  you're
• 11:13
  doing
• 11:13
  things
• 11:13
  you
• 11:14
  don't
• 11:14
  want
• 11:14
  to
• 11:14
  do.
• 11:14
  This
• 11:15
  is
• 11:15
  kind
• 11:15
  of
• 11:15
  frustrating
• 11:15
  as
• 11:16
  an
• 11:16
  adult,
• 11:16
  right,
• 11:16
  to
• 11:16
  be
• 11:17
  going,
• 11:17
  hang
• 11:17
  on
• 11:18
  a
• 11:18
  minute.
• 11:18
  I'm
• 11:18
  like,
• 11:19
  I'm
• 11:19
  subconsciously
• 11:20
  programmed
• 11:21
  by
• 11:21
  some
• 11:21
  things
• 11:21
  that
• 11:22
  I
• 11:22
  keep
• 11:22
  bumping
• 11:23
  into
• 11:23
  and
• 11:23
  that
• 11:23
  keep
• 11:24
  getting
• 11:24
  in
• 11:24
  my
• 11:25
  way
• 11:25
  in
• 11:25
  life.
• 11:26
  It
• 11:26
  is
• 11:26
  often
• 11:27
  quite
• 11:27
  heartbreaking
• 11:28
  for
• 11:28
  people
• 11:28
  when
• 11:29
  they
• 11:29
  realize
• 11:29
  the
• 11:30
  extent
• 11:30
  to
• 11:30
  which
• 11:31
  they've
• 11:31
  been
• 11:32
  controlled
• 11:33
  or
• 11:33
  limited.
• 11:34
  And
• 11:34
  it
• 11:35
  has
• 11:35
  a
• 11:35
  compounding
• 11:36
  effect
• 11:36
  in
• 11:37
  your
• 11:37
  life.
• 11:37
  So
• 11:38
  often
• 11:38
  by
• 11:39
  the
• 11:39
  time
• 11:39
  people
• 11:40
  get
• 11:40
  past
• 11:41
  the
• 11:42
  early
• 11:42
  years
• 11:42
  stage
• 11:43
  with
• 11:43
  kids
• 11:43
  or
• 11:44
  into
• 11:44
  their
• 11:44
  careers,
• 11:45
  they're
• 11:46
  starting
• 11:46
  to
• 11:46
  see
• 11:46
  some
• 11:46
  of
• 11:47
  these
• 11:47
  limits
• 11:48
  show
• 11:48
  up
• 11:48
  because
• 11:48
  they're
• 11:49
  the
• 11:49
  ceilings
• 11:49
  that
• 11:49
  we
• 11:50
  place
• 11:50
  on
• 11:50
  ourselves.
• 11:51
  They're
• 11:51
  the
• 11:51
  things
• 11:51
  that
• 11:51
  are
• 11:52
  blocking
• 11:52
  us
• 11:52
  from
• 11:52
  our
• 11:53
  own
• 11:53
  progress
• 11:54
  and
• 11:54
  controlling
• 11:55
  us.
• 11:55
  And
• 11:56
  actually
• 11:56
  our
• 11:57
  lives
• 11:57
  are
• 11:57
  really
• 11:57
  precious.
• 11:58
  We.
• 11:58
  We
• 11:58
  want
• 11:58
  to
• 11:59
  be
• 11:59
  able
• 11:59
  to
• 11:59
  live
• 11:59
  the
• 11:59
  best
• 12:00
  lives
• 12:00
  that
• 12:00
  we
• 12:00
  possibly
• 12:01
  can.
• 12:02
  And
• 12:02
  so
• 12:02
  part
• 12:03
  of
• 12:03
  that
• 12:03
  is
• 12:03
  being
• 12:04
  able
• 12:04
  to
• 12:04
  be
• 12:05
  without
• 12:05
  those
• 12:05
  limits,
• 12:06
  without
• 12:06
  those
• 12:06
  things
• 12:07
  that
• 12:07
  are
• 12:07
  dictating
• 12:08
  who
• 12:08
  we
• 12:08
  are
• 12:09
  and
• 12:09
  how
• 12:09
  we
• 12:09
  are
• 12:10
  and
• 12:10
  the
• 12:10
  choices
• 12:11
  that
• 12:11
  we
• 12:11
  can
• 12:11
  make.
• 12:11
  That
• 12:12
  makes
• 12:12
  a
• 12:12
  lot
• 12:12
  of
• 12:12
  sense.
• 12:13
  Okay,
• 12:13
  so
• 12:14
  when
• 12:14
  people
• 12:14
  are
• 12:14
  trying
• 12:15
  to
• 12:15
  sort
• 12:15
  out
• 12:15
  their
• 12:15
  money
• 12:15
  lives,
• 12:16
  I
• 12:16
  mean,
• 12:16
  are
• 12:16
  there
• 12:16
  some
• 12:17
  common
• 12:17
  blocks
• 12:18
  that
• 12:18
  you
• 12:19
  see?
• 12:19
  Think
• 12:19
  about
• 12:20
  somebody
• 12:20
  who
• 12:21
  has
• 12:22
  an
• 12:22
  unbearable
• 12:22
  feeling
• 12:23
  of
• 12:23
  being
• 12:24
  out
• 12:24
  of
• 12:24
  control.
• 12:25
  They
• 12:25
  don't
• 12:25
  like
• 12:25
  to
• 12:26
  feel
• 12:26
  out
• 12:26
  of
• 12:26
  control.
• 12:27
  They
• 12:27
  want
• 12:28
  to
• 12:28
  stay
• 12:28
  in
• 12:28
  environments
• 12:29
  where
• 12:29
  they
• 12:30
  do
• 12:30
  feel
• 12:30
  in
• 12:30
  control.
• 12:31
  So
• 12:32
  perhaps
• 12:32
  they
• 12:32
  find
• 12:33
  their
• 12:33
  way
• 12:33
  into
• 12:33
  some
• 12:34
  kind
• 12:34
  of
• 12:34
  leadership
• 12:35
  position
• 12:35
  because
• 12:35
  they're
• 12:35
  good
• 12:36
  at
• 12:36
  control.
• 12:37
  They're
• 12:37
  good
• 12:37
  at
• 12:37
  holding
• 12:38
  things
• 12:38
  together,
• 12:38
  at
• 12:38
  predicting
• 12:39
  what
• 12:39
  could
• 12:39
  go
• 12:39
  wrong,
• 12:40
  at
• 12:40
  kind
• 12:40
  of,
• 12:40
  you
• 12:41
  know,
• 12:41
  holding
• 12:41
  the
• 12:41
  fort
• 12:42
  within
• 12:42
  a
• 12:42
  business.
• 12:43
  But
• 12:43
  perhaps
• 12:44
  what
• 12:44
  they
• 12:44
  need
• 12:45
  for
• 12:45
  their
• 12:45
  next
• 12:46
  step
• 12:47
  is
• 12:47
  to
• 12:47
  move
• 12:47
  outside
• 12:47
  of
• 12:48
  the
• 12:48
  sphere
• 12:48
  that
• 12:48
  they're
• 12:49
  in.
• 12:49
  But
• 12:49
  they
• 12:50
  have
• 12:50
  to
• 12:50
  feel
• 12:50
  out
• 12:50
  of
• 12:50
  control
• 12:51
  in
• 12:51
  order
• 12:51
  to
• 12:51
  do
• 12:51
  that.
• 12:52
  They
• 12:52
  have
• 12:53
  to
• 12:53
  put
• 12:53
  themselves
• 12:53
  out
• 12:54
  there.
• 12:54
  They
• 12:54
  have
• 12:54
  to
• 12:54
  let
• 12:54
  people
• 12:55
  know
• 12:55
  that
• 12:55
  they're
• 12:55
  looking
• 12:56
  for
• 12:56
  another
• 12:56
  opportunity
• 12:57
  or,
• 12:57
  well,
• 12:57
  they
• 12:57
  have
• 12:57
  to
• 12:58
  apply
• 12:58
  for
• 12:58
  things
• 12:58
  where
• 12:59
  they're
• 12:59
  not
• 12:59
  the
• 12:59
  one
• 12:59
  deciding
• 12:59
  whether
• 13:00
  they
• 13:00
  get
• 13:00
  it
• 13:00
  or
• 13:00
  not.
• 13:01
  They
• 13:01
  have
• 13:01
  to
• 13:01
  go
• 13:02
  into
• 13:02
  an
• 13:02
  environment
• 13:03
  potentially
• 13:03
  where
• 13:04
  they're
• 13:04
  not
• 13:04
  the
• 13:04
  big
• 13:04
  fish
• 13:05
  anymore,
• 13:05
  where
• 13:06
  they're
• 13:06
  under
• 13:07
  somebody
• 13:07
  else,
• 13:08
  where
• 13:09
  they're
• 13:09
  unfamiliar
• 13:10
  with
• 13:10
  the
• 13:10
  area
• 13:10
  of
• 13:10
  work.
• 13:11
  Like,
• 13:11
  you
• 13:11
  know,
• 13:11
  what
• 13:12
  it
• 13:12
  feels
• 13:12
  like
• 13:13
  to
• 13:13
  start
• 13:13
  a
• 13:13
  new
• 13:13
  job,
• 13:14
  and
• 13:14
  you're
• 13:14
  flooded
• 13:15
  with
• 13:15
  all
• 13:15
  this
• 13:15
  emotion
• 13:16
  around.
• 13:16
  I
• 13:16
  don't
• 13:17
  even
• 13:17
  know
• 13:18
  what
• 13:18
  I
• 13:18
  meant
• 13:18
  to
• 13:18
  be
• 13:19
  doing
• 13:19
  here.
• 13:20
  And
• 13:20
  this
• 13:20
  does
• 13:20
  feel
• 13:21
  out
• 13:21
  of
• 13:21
  control.
• 13:22
  Well,
• 13:22
  unless
• 13:23
  you
• 13:23
  can
• 13:23
  let
• 13:23
  yourself
• 13:24
  feel,
• 13:24
  feel
• 13:24
  that
• 13:24
  feeling,
• 13:25
  you
• 13:25
  can't
• 13:25
  do
• 13:25
  the
• 13:26
  things.
• 13:27
  So
• 13:27
  you'll
• 13:27
  prefer
• 13:28
  to
• 13:28
  stay
• 13:28
  within
• 13:28
  your
• 13:29
  comfort
• 13:29
  zone,
• 13:30
  wherever
• 13:30
  your
• 13:30
  unbearable
• 13:31
  feeling
• 13:31
  is
• 13:31
  showing
• 13:32
  up.
• 13:32
  Interesting.
• 13:33
  I
• 13:34
  also
• 13:34
  find
• 13:34
  a
• 13:34
  lot
• 13:35
  of
• 13:35
  people,
• 13:35
  and
• 13:35
  maybe
• 13:36
  this
• 13:36
  is
• 13:36
  because
• 13:36
  I
• 13:37
  talk
• 13:37
  a
• 13:37
  lot
• 13:37
  about
• 13:37
  investing.
• 13:38
  I
• 13:38
  find
• 13:38
  investing
• 13:39
  is
• 13:39
  the
• 13:39
  one
• 13:40
  where
• 13:41
  people
• 13:41
  are
• 13:42
  often
• 13:42
  the
• 13:42
  most
• 13:43
  interested
• 13:44
  and
• 13:44
  yet
• 13:44
  the
• 13:44
  most
• 13:45
  hesitant.
• 13:46
  Is
• 13:47
  there
• 13:47
  any
• 13:47
  sort
• 13:47
  of
• 13:47
  unbearable
• 13:48
  feeling
• 13:48
  that
• 13:48
  comes
• 13:48
  to
• 13:49
  mind
• 13:49
  for
• 13:49
  you
• 13:49
  that
• 13:49
  could
• 13:49
  hold
• 13:49
  people
• 13:50
  back
• 13:50
  from
• 13:50
  something
• 13:50
  like
• 13:51
  investing
• 13:51
  into
• 13:51
  the
• 13:51
  share
• 13:51
  market?
• 13:52
  Out
• 13:52
  of
• 13:52
  control
• 13:53
  is
• 13:53
  probably
• 13:53
  one
• 13:53
  of
• 13:53
  the
• 13:54
  top
• 13:54
  ones
• 13:54
  because
• 13:55
  it
• 13:55
  is
• 13:55
  a
• 13:55
  bit
• 13:55
  of
• 13:55
  a
• 13:55
  bumpy
• 13:56
  ride
• 13:56
  at
• 13:56
  times,
• 13:57
  and
• 13:57
  it's
• 13:57
  a
• 13:57
  long
• 13:57
  game
• 13:57
  that
• 13:58
  you
• 13:58
  have
• 13:58
  to
• 13:58
  stay
• 13:58
  in
• 13:58
  for
• 13:59
  most
• 13:59
  investments.
• 14:00
  But
• 14:01
  things
• 14:01
  like
• 14:01
  an
• 14:01
  unbearable
• 14:02
  feeling
• 14:02
  of
• 14:03
  failure
• 14:03
  or
• 14:04
  of
• 14:04
  futility.
• 14:05
  So
• 14:06
  futility
• 14:06
  is
• 14:06
  a
• 14:06
  really
• 14:07
  interesting
• 14:07
  unbearable
• 14:08
  feeling
• 14:08
  because
• 14:08
  it's
• 14:09
  about
• 14:09
  waste
• 14:10
  of
• 14:10
  some
• 14:10
  kind,
• 14:10
  wasting
• 14:11
  your
• 14:11
  time,
• 14:11
  wasting
• 14:12
  your
• 14:12
  money.
• 14:13
  So
• 14:13
  very
• 14:13
  frugal.
• 14:14
  People
• 14:14
  often
• 14:15
  have
• 14:15
  an
• 14:15
  unbearable
• 14:16
  feeling
• 14:16
  around
• 14:17
  futility
• 14:17
  and
• 14:18
  waste,
• 14:19
  but
• 14:19
  that
• 14:19
  can
• 14:19
  show
• 14:19
  up
• 14:20
  in
• 14:20
  all
• 14:20
  sorts
• 14:20
  of
• 14:21
  different
• 14:21
  spaces
• 14:22
  of
• 14:22
  their
• 14:22
  life.
• 14:22
  So
• 14:23
  they
• 14:23
  don't
• 14:23
  want
• 14:23
  to
• 14:23
  waste
• 14:24
  whatever
• 14:25
  it
• 14:25
  is
• 14:25
  that
• 14:25
  they've
• 14:26
  got
• 14:26
  in
• 14:26
  front
• 14:27
  of
• 14:27
  them.
• 14:27
  They
• 14:27
  Would
• 14:28
  rather
• 14:28
  something
• 14:29
  not
• 14:29
  go
• 14:29
  well
• 14:30
  and
• 14:30
  never
• 14:31
  take
• 14:31
  a
• 14:31
  hit
• 14:32
  than
• 14:33
  risk
• 14:33
  doing
• 14:34
  something
• 14:34
  that
• 14:35
  might
• 14:36
  place
• 14:36
  them
• 14:36
  in
• 14:36
  a
• 14:36
  position
• 14:37
  where
• 14:37
  they
• 14:37
  feel
• 14:37
  this
• 14:37
  feeling.
• 14:38
  Okay.
• 14:39
  Or,
• 14:39
  you
• 14:39
  know,
• 14:40
  if
• 14:40
  we
• 14:40
  flip
• 14:40
  that
• 14:40
  from
• 14:41
  the
• 14:41
  investing
• 14:41
  mindset
• 14:42
  to
• 14:42
  the
• 14:42
  saving
• 14:42
  mindset,
• 14:43
  where
• 14:44
  people
• 14:44
  often
• 14:44
  struggle
• 14:45
  to
• 14:45
  have
• 14:47
  that
• 14:47
  emergency
• 14:47
  savings
• 14:48
  buffer,
• 14:49
  anything
• 14:49
  that
• 14:49
  strikes
• 14:50
  you
• 14:50
  on
• 14:50
  that
• 14:50
  that
• 14:50
  could
• 14:50
  be
• 14:51
  maybe.
• 14:51
  Linked
• 14:52
  out
• 14:52
  of
• 14:52
  control
• 14:52
  is
• 14:53
  a
• 14:53
  top
• 14:53
  one
• 14:53
  for
• 14:54
  the
• 14:54
  chronic
• 14:54
  savers,
• 14:55
  like,
• 14:55
  who
• 14:55
  have
• 14:56
  to
• 14:56
  have
• 14:56
  a
• 14:56
  buffer.
• 14:57
  And
• 14:57
  I
• 14:57
  lived
• 14:57
  like
• 14:58
  this
• 14:58
  to
• 14:58
  some
• 14:58
  extent,
• 14:58
  but
• 14:58
  for
• 14:59
  slightly
• 14:59
  different
• 14:59
  reasons,
• 15:00
  where
• 15:00
  I
• 15:00
  was
• 15:01
  like,
• 15:01
  you
• 15:01
  know,
• 15:01
  thou
• 15:01
  shalt
• 15:02
  have
• 15:02
  this
• 15:02
  magical
• 15:03
  sum
• 15:03
  of
• 15:03
  money
• 15:04
  at
• 15:04
  all
• 15:04
  times
• 15:05
  and
• 15:05
  never
• 15:05
  drop
• 15:06
  below
• 15:06
  that.
• 15:06
  Even
• 15:07
  when
• 15:07
  there
• 15:07
  was
• 15:07
  something
• 15:07
  that
• 15:08
  was
• 15:08
  like
• 15:08
  a
• 15:09
  really
• 15:09
  great
• 15:09
  opportunity
• 15:10
  or,
• 15:10
  you
• 15:10
  know,
• 15:11
  decision
• 15:11
  that
• 15:11
  I'm
• 15:12
  saving
• 15:12
  for
• 15:12
  something,.
• 15:13
  It
• 15:13
  is
• 15:13
  still
• 15:14
  supposed
• 15:14
  to
• 15:14
  be
• 15:14
  used
• 15:14
  just
• 15:15
  consciously.
• 15:16
  Yes.
• 15:16
  And
• 15:16
  so
• 15:16
  that
• 15:16
  little
• 15:17
  bit
• 15:17
  of
• 15:17
  time
• 15:17
  where
• 15:17
  you're
• 15:18
  tolerating
• 15:18
  things,
• 15:19
  you
• 15:19
  know,
• 15:19
  moving
• 15:19
  below
• 15:20
  your
• 15:20
  own
• 15:21
  kind
• 15:21
  of
• 15:21
  line
• 15:21
  of
• 15:22
  comfort
• 15:23
  is
• 15:23
  a
• 15:24
  really
• 15:24
  tricky
• 15:24
  one.
• 15:25
  But,
• 15:25
  you
• 15:25
  know,
• 15:26
  for
• 15:26
  some
• 15:26
  people,
• 15:26
  it's
• 15:27
  also
• 15:27
  about
• 15:28
  not
• 15:29
  wanting
• 15:29
  to
• 15:29
  be
• 15:29
  left
• 15:30
  behind.
• 15:30
  You
• 15:31
  know,
• 15:31
  they're
• 15:31
  wanting
• 15:31
  to
• 15:32
  have
• 15:33
  money
• 15:33
  because
• 15:33
  they
• 15:34
  don't
• 15:34
  like
• 15:34
  to
• 15:35
  feel
• 15:35
  unsafe.
• 15:36
  And
• 15:36
  actually,
• 15:37
  money
• 15:37
  is
• 15:38
  something
• 15:38
  that
• 15:38
  they
• 15:39
  need
• 15:39
  to
• 15:39
  hold
• 15:39
  on
• 15:40
  to
• 15:40
  because
• 15:41
  they
• 15:41
  feel
• 15:41
  unsafe
• 15:42
  or
• 15:42
  they
• 15:42
  don't
• 15:42
  feel
• 15:43
  good
• 15:43
  enough.
• 15:43
  They
• 15:44
  have
• 15:44
  this
• 15:44
  unbearable
• 15:45
  feeling
• 15:45
  of
• 15:46
  not
• 15:46
  being
• 15:46
  good
• 15:46
  enough,
• 15:47
  so
• 15:47
  they
• 15:47
  don't
• 15:48
  back
• 15:48
  themselves
• 15:48
  that
• 15:49
  they
• 15:49
  could
• 15:49
  make
• 15:49
  that
• 15:49
  money
• 15:50
  again.
• 15:50
  They're
• 15:51
  kind
• 15:51
  of
• 15:51
  living
• 15:51
  with
• 15:51
  this
• 15:52
  buffer
• 15:52
  because
• 15:53
  the
• 15:53
  emotion
• 15:54
  that's
• 15:54
  uncomfortable
• 15:55
  for
• 15:55
  them
• 15:55
  is
• 15:56
  not
• 15:56
  feeling
• 15:56
  good
• 15:57
  enough,
• 15:57
  and
• 15:58
  they
• 15:58
  don't
• 15:58
  back
• 15:59
  their
• 15:59
  ability
• 16:00
  to
• 16:00
  find
• 16:01
  another
• 16:01
  opportunity
• 16:02
  or
• 16:02
  make
• 16:02
  something
• 16:03
  work
• 16:03
  out
• 16:03
  in
• 16:03
  some
• 16:04
  way.
• 16:04
  Yeah,
• 16:05
  there's
• 16:05
  so
• 16:06
  many
• 16:06
  ways
• 16:06
  there
• 16:07
  and
• 16:07
  the
• 16:07
  examples
• 16:07
  you've
• 16:07
  laid
• 16:08
  out
• 16:08
  that
• 16:09
  this
• 16:09
  could
• 16:09
  really
• 16:09
  sabotage.
• 16:10
  Absolutely.
• 16:11
  And
• 16:11
  we
• 16:12
  all
• 16:12
  have
• 16:12
  one,
• 16:13
  sometimes
• 16:13
  two.
• 16:14
  Love
• 16:15
  that
• 16:15
  for
• 16:15
  us.
• 16:15
  Yeah,
• 16:16
  lucky
• 16:16
  some.
• 16:17
  Most
• 16:17
  of
• 16:17
  the
• 16:17
  time
• 16:17
  it's
• 16:18
  one,
• 16:18
  and
• 16:18
  sometimes
• 16:19
  there's
• 16:19
  kind
• 16:19
  of
• 16:19
  a
• 16:19
  secondary
• 16:20
  unbearable
• 16:21
  feeling,
• 16:21
  but
• 16:21
  usually
• 16:22
  there's
• 16:22
  one
• 16:23
  that
• 16:23
  is
• 16:23
  the
• 16:23
  kind
• 16:23
  of
• 16:24
  chief
• 16:24
  mischief
• 16:25
  maker
• 16:25
  of
• 16:26
  our
• 16:26
  lives.
• 16:27
  And
• 16:27
  it's
• 16:27
  something
• 16:28
  that,
• 16:28
  you
• 16:29
  know,
• 16:29
  when
• 16:29
  we
• 16:30
  see
• 16:30
  it,
• 16:30
  we
• 16:30
  go,
• 16:31
  wow,
• 16:31
  I
• 16:31
  can
• 16:32
  see
• 16:32
  all
• 16:32
  of
• 16:32
  the
• 16:33
  areas
• 16:33
  that
• 16:34
  this
• 16:34
  is
• 16:34
  showing
• 16:34
  up
• 16:35
  in
• 16:35
  relationships
• 16:36
  and
• 16:37
  parenting,
• 16:37
  in
• 16:38
  our
• 16:38
  careers
• 16:38
  and
• 16:39
  in
• 16:39
  our
• 16:39
  money
• 16:39
  lives.
• 16:40
  This
• 16:41
  episode
• 16:41
  of
• 16:41
  Making
• 16:41
  Sense
• 16:42
  is
• 16:42
  supported
• 16:42
  by
• 16:43
  Odoo
• 16:43
  because
• 16:44
  they're
• 16:44
  all
• 16:44
  about
• 16:44
  making
• 16:45
  business
• 16:45
  smarter,
• 16:46
  easier
• 16:46
  to
• 16:47
  manage,
• 16:47
  and
• 16:47
  more
• 16:48
  affordable.
• 16:49
  Odoo
• 16:49
  is
• 16:49
  a
• 16:49
  software
• 16:50
  platform
• 16:50
  that
• 16:50
  gives
• 16:50
  you
• 16:51
  access
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  to
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  over
• 16:52
  70
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  apps
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  to
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  help
• 16:53
  you
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  manage
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  your
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  website,
• 16:55
  accounting,
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  invoicing,
• 16:56
  sales,
• 16:57
  inventory,
• 16:57
  and
• 16:58
  way
• 16:59
  more.
• 16:59
  But
• 16:59
  instead
• 17:00
  of
• 17:00
  Death
• 17:00
  by
• 17:00
  a
• 17:01
  Thousand
• 17:01
  Cuts,
• 17:02
  where
• 17:02
  you
• 17:02
  pay
• 17:02
  for
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  all
• 17:03
  of
• 17:03
  those
• 17:03
  apps
• 17:03
  individually,
• 17:04
  it's
• 17:05
  just
• 17:05
  one
• 17:05
  affordable
• 17:06
  subscription,
• 17:07
  which
• 17:07
  starts
• 17:08
  from
• 17:08
  $34.40
• 17:09
  Aussie
• 17:10
  dollars
• 17:10
  per
• 17:10
  user
• 17:11
  per
• 17:11
  month.
• 17:12
  It's
• 17:12
  not
• 17:13
  just
• 17:13
  about
• 17:13
  the
• 17:14
  cost
• 17:14
  either.
• 17:15
  It's
• 17:15
  having
• 17:15
  all
• 17:15
  of
• 17:16
  those
• 17:16
  apps
• 17:16
  in
• 17:16
  one
• 17:17
  integrated
• 17:17
  dashboard.
• 17:18
  To
• 17:19
  make
• 17:19
  your
• 17:19
  business
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  or
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  side
• 17:20
  hustle
• 17:20
  possible,
• 17:21
  let
• 17:21
  your
• 17:22
  software
• 17:22
  work
• 17:22
  for
• 17:23
  you
• 17:23
  so
• 17:23
  you
• 17:24
  can
• 17:24
  handle
• 17:24
  the
• 17:24
  important
• 17:25
  stuff.
• 17:26
  Try
• 17:26
  Odoo
• 17:26
  for
• 17:27
  free
• 17:27
  for
• 17:27
  15
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  days,
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  no
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  card
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  details
• 17:29
  required.
• 17:30
  That's
• 17:30
  o-o.com
• 17:32
  for
• 17:32
  more.
• 17:33
  So
• 17:33
  when
• 17:33
  you
• 17:33
  talk
• 17:34
  to
• 17:34
  people
• 17:35
  about
• 17:35
  figuring
• 17:36
  this
• 17:36
  out,
• 17:36
  where
• 17:37
  do
• 17:37
  you
• 17:37
  start
• 17:37
  this
• 17:37
  conversation?
• 17:38
  Help
• 17:38
  them
• 17:38
  figure
• 17:38
  out
• 17:38
  what
• 17:38
  their
• 17:38
  unbearable
• 17:39
  feeling
• 17:39
  is.
• 17:40
  Yeah,
• 17:40
  so
• 17:40
  usually
• 17:41
  it's
• 17:41
  a,
• 17:41
  you
• 17:41
  know,
• 17:41
  tell
• 17:42
  me
• 17:42
  about
• 17:42
  life.
• 17:42
  What's
• 17:42
  going
• 17:43
  on
• 17:43
  at
• 17:43
  the
• 17:43
  moment?
• 17:43
  What
• 17:43
  are
• 17:43
  the
• 17:44
  challenges
• 17:44
  that
• 17:44
  you're
• 17:44
  experiencing?
• 17:45
  But
• 17:46
  then
• 17:46
  we're
• 17:46
  getting
• 17:46
  into
• 17:47
  what
• 17:47
  is
• 17:47
  behind
• 17:48
  the
• 17:48
  pain
• 17:49
  that
• 17:49
  you're
• 17:49
  experiencing.
• 17:50
  So
• 17:51
  how
• 17:51
  come
• 17:51
  these
• 17:51
  things
• 17:52
  have
• 17:52
  happened?
• 17:52
  How
• 17:53
  come
• 17:53
  these
• 17:53
  patterns
• 17:54
  are
• 17:54
  following
• 17:54
  you
• 17:54
  around?
• 17:55
  You
• 17:55
  know,
• 17:55
  if
• 17:55
  people
• 17:56
  are
• 17:56
  doing
• 17:56
  the
• 17:56
  same
• 17:56
  things
• 17:57
  over
• 17:57
  and
• 17:57
  over
• 17:58
  and
• 17:58
  getting
• 17:58
  the
• 17:58
  same
• 17:58
  results
• 17:59
  and
• 17:59
  going,
• 17:59
  huh,
• 18:00
  you
• 18:00
  know,
• 18:00
  I'm
• 18:01
  unhappy,
• 18:01
  here
• 18:02
  I
• 18:02
  am
• 18:02
  again,
• 18:02
  or,
• 18:02
  you
• 18:03
  know,
• 18:03
  something
• 18:03
  is
• 18:03
  going
• 18:03
  wrong
• 18:04
  here,
• 18:05
  then
• 18:05
  we're
• 18:06
  getting
• 18:06
  into
• 18:07
  digging
• 18:08
  behind
• 18:08
  the
• 18:09
  scenes
• 18:09
  and
• 18:09
  trying
• 18:09
  to
• 18:09
  find
• 18:10
  that
• 18:10
  kind
• 18:10
  of,
• 18:11
  that
• 18:11
  basement
• 18:11
  level
• 18:12
  of
• 18:12
  what's
• 18:12
  the
• 18:12
  assumption
• 18:13
  or
• 18:13
  the
• 18:13
  belief
• 18:14
  that
• 18:14
  this
• 18:14
  all
• 18:14
  relies
• 18:15
  on?
• 18:15
  So
• 18:16
  we
• 18:16
  have
• 18:16
  our
• 18:16
  conscious
• 18:17
  thinking,
• 18:17
  we
• 18:17
  have
• 18:18
  thoughts,
• 18:18
  cognitions
• 18:19
  that
• 18:19
  float
• 18:19
  around
• 18:20
  in
• 18:20
  our
• 18:20
  mind
• 18:20
  all
• 18:20
  day,
• 18:21
  but
• 18:21
  there
• 18:22
  are
• 18:22
  reasons
• 18:22
  why
• 18:23
  we
• 18:23
  think
• 18:23
  the
• 18:24
  way
• 18:24
  that
• 18:24
  we
• 18:24
  do.
• 18:24
  There
• 18:24
  are
• 18:25
  reasons
• 18:25
  why
• 18:25
  we
• 18:25
  feel
• 18:26
  the
• 18:26
  way
• 18:26
  we
• 18:26
  do
• 18:26
  while
• 18:26
  we
• 18:27
  behave,
• 18:27
  why
• 18:27
  we
• 18:27
  behave
• 18:28
  the
• 18:28
  way
• 18:28
  that
• 18:28
  we
• 18:28
  do.
• 18:29
  And
• 18:29
  we're
• 18:29
  wanting
• 18:30
  to
• 18:30
  get
• 18:30
  behind
• 18:31
  that
• 18:31
  to
• 18:32
  go,
• 18:32
  what
• 18:32
  is
• 18:33
  it
• 18:33
  that
• 18:33
  we
• 18:33
  believe
• 18:34
  that's
• 18:35
  behind
• 18:36
  our
• 18:36
  thoughts,
• 18:36
  our
• 18:36
  behaviors
• 18:37
  and
• 18:37
  our
• 18:37
  emotions?
• 18:38
  How,
• 18:38
  I
• 18:39
  mean,
• 18:39
  is
• 18:39
  that
• 18:39
  the
• 18:39
  sort
• 18:39
  of
• 18:40
  thing
• 18:40
  where
• 18:40
  someone
• 18:40
  would
• 18:40
  need
• 18:40
  to
• 18:41
  sit
• 18:41
  down
• 18:41
  with
• 18:41
  a
• 18:41
  person
• 18:41
  like
• 18:42
  yourself
• 18:42
  who's
• 18:42
  trained
• 18:42
  in
• 18:43
  this,
• 18:43
  or
• 18:43
  is
• 18:43
  it
• 18:43
  possible
• 18:44
  to
• 18:44
  do
• 18:44
  by
• 18:44
  yourself
• 18:45
  or
• 18:45
  with
• 18:45
  friends?
• 18:46
  How
• 18:46
  self
• 18:46
  aware
• 18:47
  do
• 18:47
  you
• 18:47
  need
• 18:47
  to
• 18:47
  be
• 18:47
  to
• 18:48
  figure
• 18:48
  this
• 18:48
  out?
• 18:48
  I
• 18:49
  think
• 18:49
  that
• 18:49
  self
• 18:49
  awareness
• 18:49
  is
• 18:50
  a
• 18:50
  great
• 18:50
  muscle
• 18:51
  to
• 18:51
  be
• 18:51
  able
• 18:51
  to
• 18:52
  flex
• 18:52
  sometimes.
• 18:53
  And
• 18:53
  I
• 18:54
  know
• 18:54
  that
• 18:54
  at
• 18:54
  the
• 18:55
  moment,
• 18:55
  accessing
• 18:56
  something
• 18:56
  like
• 18:56
  therapy
• 18:57
  is
• 18:57
  a
• 18:57
  luxury
• 18:58
  for
• 18:58
  a
• 18:58
  lot
• 18:58
  of
• 18:59
  people.
• 18:59
  I've
• 19:00
  got
• 19:00
  a
• 19:00
  couple
• 19:00
  of
• 19:00
  podcast
• 19:01
  episodes
• 19:01
  on
• 19:02
  this
• 19:02
  that
• 19:02
  are
• 19:02
  free
• 19:02
  for
• 19:03
  people
• 19:03
  to
• 19:03
  access
• 19:04
  and
• 19:04
  to
• 19:04
  have
• 19:04
  a
• 19:05
  listen
• 19:05
  and
• 19:05
  do
• 19:06
  their
• 19:06
  own
• 19:06
  reflection.
• 19:07
  But
• 19:07
  you
• 19:07
  can
• 19:08
  also
• 19:08
  sit
• 19:08
  down
• 19:08
  with
• 19:08
  that
• 19:09
  really
• 19:09
  good
• 19:09
  friend
• 19:10
  who's
• 19:10
  great
• 19:11
  at
• 19:11
  causing
• 19:11
  and
• 19:12
  questioning
• 19:12
  you.
• 19:12
  Most
• 19:13
  of
• 19:13
  us
• 19:13
  have
• 19:13
  one
• 19:14
  of
• 19:14
  those
• 19:14
  people
• 19:14
  in
• 19:14
  our
• 19:14
  lives
• 19:15
  that
• 19:15
  we
• 19:15
  can
• 19:15
  chat
• 19:15
  with
• 19:16
  or
• 19:16
  talk
• 19:17
  this
• 19:17
  through
• 19:17
  with
• 19:17
  a
• 19:17
  partner,
• 19:18
  if
• 19:18
  you've
• 19:18
  got
• 19:18
  one,
• 19:19
  and
• 19:19
  see
• 19:19
  if
• 19:19
  you
• 19:19
  can
• 19:20
  work
• 19:20
  out
• 19:21
  what
• 19:21
  are
• 19:21
  our
• 19:21
  unique
• 19:22
  unbearable
• 19:23
  feelings.
• 19:23
  And
• 19:23
  then
• 19:23
  how
• 19:24
  are
• 19:24
  they
• 19:25
  playing
• 19:26
  out
• 19:26
  in
• 19:27
  our
• 19:27
  lives?
• 19:27
  How
• 19:27
  are
• 19:28
  they
• 19:28
  playing
• 19:28
  out
• 19:28
  in
• 19:28
  our
• 19:28
  relationship?
• 19:29
  What's
• 19:30
  the
• 19:30
  kind
• 19:30
  of
• 19:30
  we
• 19:30
  call
• 19:30
  it
• 19:30
  a
• 19:31
  cross
• 19:31
  matching.
• 19:32
  What's
• 19:32
  the
• 19:32
  interplay
• 19:33
  between
• 19:33
  those
• 19:34
  two
• 19:34
  things?
• 19:34
  But
• 19:35
  you
• 19:35
  can
• 19:35
  certainly
• 19:35
  have
• 19:36
  a
• 19:36
  really
• 19:36
  good
• 19:36
  go
• 19:36
  at
• 19:36
  working
• 19:37
  this
• 19:37
  out
• 19:37
  yourself.
• 19:38
  It's
• 19:38
  funny
• 19:38
  that
• 19:38
  you
• 19:38
  mention
• 19:39
  about
• 19:39
  couples
• 19:39
  because
• 19:40
  do
• 19:40
  you
• 19:40
  find
• 19:41
  there's
• 19:41
  often
• 19:42
  quite
• 19:42
  an
• 19:42
  interplay?
• 19:43
  Yeah,
• 19:43
  yeah,
• 19:44
  hit
• 19:44
  me
• 19:44
  with
• 19:44
  that.
• 19:44
  Yeah.
• 19:45
  I
• 19:45
  mean,
• 19:45
  the
• 19:45
  couples
• 19:45
  that
• 19:45
  come
• 19:45
  to
• 19:46
  see
• 19:46
  me
• 19:46
  are
• 19:46
  usually
• 19:46
  in
• 19:47
  some
• 19:47
  kind
• 19:47
  of
• 19:47
  conflict,
• 19:48
  so.
• 19:48
  So
• 19:48
  there's
• 19:49
  something
• 19:49
  big
• 19:50
  enough
• 19:50
  going
• 19:50
  on
• 19:50
  that
• 19:50
  they've
• 19:51
  come
• 19:51
  to
• 19:51
  see
• 19:52
  a
• 19:52
  therapist
• 19:53
  because
• 19:54
  there
• 19:54
  are
• 19:54
  issues
• 19:54
  that
• 19:54
  are
• 19:55
  recurring
• 19:55
  for
• 19:55
  them.
• 19:56
  That's
• 19:57
  also
• 19:57
  really
• 19:57
  interesting
• 19:57
  because
• 19:58
  often
• 19:58
  it
• 19:58
  is
• 19:58
  patterns.
• 19:59
  You
• 19:59
  know,
• 19:59
  it's
• 20:00
  patterns
• 20:00
  of
• 20:00
  conflict,
• 20:01
  it's
• 20:01
  patterns
• 20:01
  of
• 20:01
  communication,
• 20:02
  it's
• 20:03
  patterns
• 20:03
  of
• 20:03
  the
• 20:04
  things
• 20:04
  that
• 20:04
  we
• 20:04
  do
• 20:04
  that
• 20:05
  we
• 20:05
  can't
• 20:05
  stop
• 20:05
  doing.
• 20:06
  So,
• 20:06
  you
• 20:07
  know,
• 20:07
  the
• 20:07
  person
• 20:07
  in
• 20:07
  the
• 20:07
  relationship
• 20:08
  who's,
• 20:09
  you
• 20:09
  know,
• 20:09
  got
• 20:09
  a
• 20:09
  fear
• 20:10
  of
• 20:10
  missing
• 20:10
  out
• 20:10
  and
• 20:10
  they're
• 20:11
  constantly
• 20:11
  out,
• 20:12
  you
• 20:12
  know,
• 20:13
  they're
• 20:13
  never
• 20:13
  home.
• 20:14
  Or
• 20:14
  the
• 20:14
  person
• 20:14
  who's
• 20:15
  got
• 20:15
  really
• 20:15
  poor
• 20:15
  boundaries
• 20:16
  and
• 20:16
  they
• 20:16
  aren't
• 20:17
  protecting
• 20:17
  their
• 20:18
  time
• 20:18
  for
• 20:18
  their
• 20:19
  relationship,
• 20:20
  or
• 20:20
  the
• 20:21
  person
• 20:21
  who's
• 20:22
  never
• 20:22
  kind
• 20:22
  of
• 20:22
  speaking
• 20:23
  up
• 20:23
  in
• 20:23
  the
• 20:23
  relationship
• 20:24
  and
• 20:24
  saying
• 20:24
  what
• 20:24
  it
• 20:25
  is
• 20:25
  they
• 20:25
  actually
• 20:26
  want.
• 20:26
  All
• 20:27
  of
• 20:27
  that
• 20:27
  really
• 20:27
  impacts
• 20:29
  our
• 20:29
  relationships.
• 20:30
  And
• 20:30
  it's
• 20:30
  often
• 20:31
  the
• 20:31
  interplay
• 20:32
  between
• 20:33
  our
• 20:33
  respective
• 20:34
  unbearable
• 20:34
  feelings
• 20:35
  that
• 20:35
  is
• 20:35
  the
• 20:36
  cause
• 20:36
  of
• 20:36
  conflict
• 20:37
  in
• 20:37
  our
• 20:37
  relationships.
• 20:38
  The
• 20:39
  person
• 20:39
  we
• 20:39
  love
• 20:39
  the
• 20:39
  most
• 20:40
  also
• 20:40
  sees
• 20:40
  the
• 20:41
  worst
• 20:41
  of
• 20:41
  us.
• 20:42
  And
• 20:43
  if
• 20:43
  you've
• 20:43
  got
• 20:43
  some
• 20:43
  overreactions,
• 20:45
  which
• 20:45
  we
• 20:45
  all
• 20:45
  have,
• 20:46
  if
• 20:47
  there
• 20:47
  are
• 20:47
  some
• 20:47
  areas
• 20:47
  of
• 20:48
  your
• 20:48
  life
• 20:48
  where
• 20:48
  you.
• 20:48
  Where
• 20:49
  you
• 20:49
  do
• 20:50
  overreact
• 20:50
  and
• 20:50
  you
• 20:51
  know
• 20:51
  it,
• 20:52
  then
• 20:52
  your
• 20:52
  unbearable
• 20:53
  feeling
• 20:53
  is
• 20:53
  most
• 20:53
  likely
• 20:54
  at
• 20:54
  play
• 20:54
  there.
• 20:55
  When
• 20:55
  you
• 20:55
  show
• 20:55
  up
• 20:56
  in
• 20:56
  the
• 20:56
  world
• 20:56
  in
• 20:56
  a
• 20:56
  way
• 20:57
  that
• 20:57
  you
• 20:57
  think,
• 20:57
  what
• 20:57
  the
• 20:58
  heck
• 20:58
  was
• 20:58
  that?
• 20:58
  You
• 20:59
  know,
• 20:59
  who
• 21:00
  was
• 21:00
  that?
• 21:01
  Was
• 21:01
  that
• 21:01
  me?
• 21:01
  And
• 21:02
  if
• 21:02
  somebody
• 21:02
  had
• 21:02
  taped
• 21:03
  you
• 21:03
  and
• 21:03
  you
• 21:03
  heard
• 21:03
  it
• 21:03
  back,
• 21:03
  you'd
• 21:04
  be
• 21:04
  like,
• 21:04
  oh,
• 21:04
  you
• 21:05
  know,
• 21:05
  that
• 21:06
  was
• 21:06
  terrible.
• 21:06
  Did
• 21:07
  I
• 21:07
  really
• 21:07
  say
• 21:07
  that
• 21:07
  or
• 21:08
  did
• 21:08
  I
• 21:08
  let
• 21:08
  that
• 21:08
  escalate
• 21:09
  that
• 21:09
  far?
• 21:10
  You
• 21:10
  know,
• 21:10
  where
• 21:11
  we
• 21:11
  are
• 21:11
  under
• 21:12
  that
• 21:12
  level
• 21:12
  of
• 21:13
  stress,
• 21:13
  where
• 21:14
  we
• 21:14
  are
• 21:14
  overreacting,
• 21:15
  I
• 21:15
  promise
• 21:16
  you,
• 21:16
  your
• 21:16
  unbearable
• 21:17
  feeling
• 21:17
  is
• 21:17
  right
• 21:17
  there.
• 21:18
  Okay,
• 21:18
  so
• 21:18
  red
• 21:18
  flag
• 21:19
  on
• 21:19
  that
• 21:19
  one.
• 21:20
  Absolutely.
• 21:20
  And
• 21:21
  then
• 21:21
  so
• 21:21
  often
• 21:21
  what
• 21:22
  couples
• 21:22
  get
• 21:22
  really
• 21:22
  good
• 21:22
  at
• 21:23
  doing
• 21:23
  is
• 21:23
  pushing
• 21:24
  each
• 21:25
  other's
• 21:25
  buttons.
• 21:26
  So,
• 21:26
  you
• 21:26
  know,
• 21:27
  an
• 21:27
  amazing
• 21:27
  skill
• 21:28
  of
• 21:28
  a
• 21:28
  long
• 21:28
  term
• 21:28
  relationship
• 21:29
  is
• 21:29
  the
• 21:29
  ability
• 21:29
  to
• 21:30
  very
• 21:30
  efficiently
• 21:30
  wind
• 21:31
  the
• 21:31
  other
• 21:31
  person
• 21:31
  up
• 21:32
  and
• 21:32
  to
• 21:33
  know
• 21:33
  what
• 21:33
  it
• 21:34
  is
• 21:34
  that
• 21:34
  gets
• 21:34
  a
• 21:34
  reaction
• 21:35
  out
• 21:35
  of
• 21:35
  them.
• 21:35
  And
• 21:36
  for
• 21:36
  couples,
• 21:37
  I
• 21:37
  call
• 21:37
  this
• 21:37
  the
• 21:38
  dance.
• 21:38
  It's
• 21:39
  like
• 21:39
  we
• 21:39
  have
• 21:39
  this
• 21:39
  little.
• 21:40
  You'll
• 21:41
  start
• 21:41
  to
• 21:41
  notice
• 21:42
  this
• 21:42
  next
• 21:42
  time
• 21:43
  you're
• 21:43
  having
• 21:43
  a
• 21:43
  disagreement.
• 21:44
  It's
• 21:45
  like
• 21:45
  you
• 21:45
  have
• 21:45
  these
• 21:45
  predictable
• 21:46
  steps
• 21:46
  between
• 21:47
  you.
• 21:48
  I
• 21:48
  do
• 21:48
  this
• 21:49
  and
• 21:49
  then
• 21:49
  you
• 21:49
  do
• 21:49
  that,
• 21:50
  and
• 21:50
  then
• 21:50
  I
• 21:50
  respond
• 21:50
  with
• 21:51
  this.
• 21:51
  And
• 21:52
  most
• 21:52
  of
• 21:52
  our
• 21:53
  fights
• 21:53
  are
• 21:53
  actually
• 21:54
  really
• 21:54
  boring
• 21:55
  as
• 21:55
  couples
• 21:55
  because
• 21:55
  they're
• 21:56
  just
• 21:56
  the
• 21:56
  same
• 21:56
  things
• 21:57
  on
• 21:57
  loop.
• 21:58
  And
• 21:58
  then
• 21:58
  we
• 21:58
  end
• 21:58
  up
• 21:59
  with
• 21:59
  this
• 21:59
  massive
• 21:59
  emotional
• 22:00
  hangover
• 22:00
  from.
• 22:01
  It's
• 22:01
  pretty,
• 22:02
  pretty
• 22:02
  awful.
• 22:02
  And
• 22:03
  we
• 22:03
  can
• 22:03
  solve
• 22:04
  a
• 22:04
  lot
• 22:04
  of
• 22:05
  our
• 22:05
  relationship
• 22:06
  challenges
• 22:07
  by
• 22:07
  being
• 22:07
  aware
• 22:08
  of
• 22:08
  the
• 22:08
  feelings
• 22:09
  that
• 22:09
  we
• 22:10
  find
• 22:10
  most
• 22:10
  difficult
• 22:11
  and
• 22:11
  looking
• 22:12
  after
• 22:12
  our
• 22:12
  partner
• 22:13
  in
• 22:13
  that.
• 22:13
  Like
• 22:14
  if
• 22:14
  you
• 22:14
  know
• 22:14
  that
• 22:14
  your
• 22:15
  partner
• 22:15
  has
• 22:15
  a
• 22:15
  particular
• 22:16
  unbearable
• 22:16
  feeling,
• 22:17
  you're
• 22:17
  going
• 22:17
  to
• 22:18
  want
• 22:18
  to
• 22:18
  interact
• 22:19
  with
• 22:19
  them
• 22:19
  in
• 22:19
  a
• 22:20
  way
• 22:20
  that
• 22:20
  avoids
• 22:21
  provoking
• 22:21
  that.
• 22:22
  Let's
• 22:22
  say
• 22:22
  it
• 22:23
  develops
• 22:23
  for
• 22:23
  you
• 22:23
  as
• 22:24
  a
• 22:24
  young
• 22:24
  child.
• 22:24
  Well,
• 22:25
  your
• 22:25
  emotional
• 22:26
  growth
• 22:26
  and
• 22:26
  maturity
• 22:27
  kind
• 22:27
  of
• 22:27
  is
• 22:28
  stunted
• 22:29
  at
• 22:29
  that
• 22:29
  point
• 22:29
  in
• 22:30
  that
• 22:30
  space.
• 22:31
  And
• 22:31
  you
• 22:31
  behave
• 22:32
  like
• 22:32
  that
• 22:32
  six
• 22:32
  year
• 22:33
  old
• 22:33
  again,
• 22:33
  like
• 22:34
  that
• 22:34
  eight
• 22:34
  year
• 22:34
  old,
• 22:34
  you
• 22:35
  go
• 22:35
  right
• 22:35
  back
• 22:35
  to
• 22:36
  not
• 22:36
  having
• 22:37
  the
• 22:37
  skills
• 22:37
  to
• 22:37
  be
• 22:37
  able
• 22:37
  to
• 22:38
  deal
• 22:38
  with
• 22:38
  this
• 22:38
  feeling.
• 22:39
  Which
• 22:39
  is
• 22:39
  why
• 22:40
  people
• 22:40
  then
• 22:41
  start
• 22:41
  behaving
• 22:42
  in
• 22:42
  ways
• 22:42
  that
• 22:42
  are
• 22:42
  uncharacteristic.
• 22:44
  It
• 22:44
  must
• 22:44
  be
• 22:44
  interesting
• 22:45
  working
• 22:45
  in
• 22:45
  this
• 22:45
  space.
• 22:46
  I
• 22:47
  imagine
• 22:47
  it
• 22:47
  prompts
• 22:48
  some
• 22:48
  self
• 22:48
  reflection
• 22:49
  too.
• 22:49
  Are
• 22:49
  you
• 22:49
  comfortable
• 22:49
  saying
• 22:50
  your
• 22:50
  unbearable
• 22:50
  feelings?
• 22:51
  Yeah,
• 22:51
  absolutely.
• 22:51
  Mine's
• 22:52
  rejection.
• 22:52
  So
• 22:52
  I
• 22:53
  had
• 22:53
  two
• 22:54
  massive
• 22:54
  experiences
• 22:55
  of
• 22:55
  burnout.
• 22:56
  Really
• 22:56
  young,
• 22:57
  like
• 22:57
  I
• 22:57
  was
• 22:58
  in
• 22:58
  year
• 22:59
  13,
• 23:00
  the
• 23:00
  last
• 23:00
  year
• 23:01
  of
• 23:01
  high
• 23:01
  school,
• 23:02
  covered
• 23:03
  in
• 23:03
  shingles.
• 23:04
  I
• 23:04
  was
• 23:04
  an
• 23:04
  absolute
• 23:05
  mess.
• 23:05
  I
• 23:05
  had
• 23:06
  really
• 23:06
  high
• 23:06
  expectations
• 23:07
  of
• 23:07
  myself,
• 23:08
  really
• 23:09
  didn't
• 23:09
  want
• 23:09
  to
• 23:09
  let
• 23:09
  other
• 23:10
  people
• 23:10
  down,
• 23:11
  was
• 23:11
  a
• 23:11
  real
• 23:11
  people
• 23:12
  pleaser
• 23:12
  and
• 23:12
  relationships
• 23:13
  and
• 23:13
  friendships.
• 23:14
  And
• 23:15
  then
• 23:15
  that
• 23:15
  of
• 23:15
  course
• 23:15
  followed
• 23:16
  me
• 23:16
  into
• 23:17
  the
• 23:17
  workplace.
• 23:18
  And
• 23:19
  I
• 23:19
  experienced
• 23:20
  a
• 23:20
  really
• 23:20
  profound
• 23:21
  burnout
• 23:22
  in
• 23:22
  my
• 23:22
  early
• 23:22
  20s
• 23:23
  where
• 23:24
  I
• 23:24
  just
• 23:25
  absolutely
• 23:25
  crashed
• 23:26
  and
• 23:26
  I
• 23:27
  had
• 23:27
  to
• 23:27
  start
• 23:28
  to
• 23:28
  work
• 23:28
  on
• 23:28
  this.
• 23:29
  And
• 23:29
  fortunately
• 23:29
  this
• 23:29
  was
• 23:30
  all
• 23:30
  at
• 23:30
  the
• 23:30
  same
• 23:30
  time
• 23:30
  of
• 23:31
  doing
• 23:31
  training
• 23:31
  as
• 23:32
  a,
• 23:32
  as
• 23:32
  a
• 23:32
  counsellor.
• 23:33
  So
• 23:33
  I
• 23:34
  had
• 23:34
  a
• 23:34
  little
• 23:34
  bit
• 23:34
  of
• 23:34
  an
• 23:34
  advantage
• 23:35
  in
• 23:35
  that.
• 23:35
  Cause
• 23:35
  you
• 23:36
  kind
• 23:36
  of
• 23:36
  have
• 23:36
  to
• 23:36
  sort
• 23:36
  your
• 23:36
  own
• 23:37
  stuff
• 23:37
  out
• 23:37
  at
• 23:38
  the
• 23:38
  same
• 23:38
  time.
• 23:39
  But
• 23:39
  for
• 23:39
  me,
• 23:40
  rejection,
• 23:41
  being
• 23:41
  able
• 23:41
  to
• 23:42
  let
• 23:42
  other
• 23:42
  people
• 23:42
  down,
• 23:43
  being
• 23:43
  able
• 23:43
  to
• 23:43
  make
• 23:44
  decisions
• 23:44
  that
• 23:45
  benefit
• 23:45
  me
• 23:46
  has
• 23:46
  been
• 23:46
  really
• 23:47
  important.
• 23:47
  I've
• 23:48
  stayed
• 23:48
  in
• 23:48
  jobs
• 23:49
  too
• 23:49
  long,
• 23:49
  I've
• 23:50
  accepted
• 23:50
  less
• 23:51
  pay
• 23:51
  than
• 23:51
  I
• 23:51
  should.
• 23:52
  I've
• 23:52
  not
• 23:52
  taken
• 23:53
  opportunities
• 23:54
  because
• 23:54
  I
• 23:54
  haven't
• 23:55
  thought
• 23:55
  I
• 23:55
  was
• 23:55
  good
• 23:55
  enough
• 23:55
  to
• 23:56
  put
• 23:56
  myself
• 23:56
  out
• 23:56
  there
• 23:56
  for
• 23:57
  them.
• 23:58
  And
• 23:58
  this
• 23:58
  is
• 23:59
  something
• 23:59
  that
• 23:59
  has
• 23:59
  held
• 24:00
  me
• 24:00
  back.
• 24:00
  And
• 24:01
  my
• 24:01
  goal
• 24:02
  is
• 24:02
  to
• 24:02
  get
• 24:03
  faster
• 24:03
  at
• 24:03
  getting
• 24:04
  out
• 24:04
  of
• 24:04
  it.
• 24:05
  So
• 24:06
  the
• 24:06
  aim
• 24:06
  of
• 24:06
  the
• 24:06
  game
• 24:07
  here
• 24:07
  is
• 24:08
  to
• 24:08
  notice
• 24:09
  the
• 24:09
  patterns,
• 24:09
  to
• 24:10
  notice
• 24:10
  how
• 24:10
  it
• 24:10
  shows
• 24:11
  up,
• 24:11
  but
• 24:12
  to
• 24:12
  be
• 24:12
  able
• 24:12
  to
• 24:12
  pull
• 24:13
  yourself
• 24:13
  out
• 24:13
  of
• 24:14
  the
• 24:14
  ways
• 24:14
  that
• 24:15
  you
• 24:15
  try
• 24:15
  and
• 24:15
  avoid
• 24:16
  the
• 24:16
  feeling.
• 24:17
  So
• 24:17
  asking
• 24:18
  for
• 24:18
  the
• 24:18
  pay
• 24:18
  rise
• 24:19
  or
• 24:19
  talking
• 24:20
  about
• 24:20
  your
• 24:20
  value
• 24:21
  in
• 24:21
  a
• 24:21
  particular
• 24:21
  setting
• 24:22
  and
• 24:22
  working
• 24:22
  out
• 24:23
  whether
• 24:23
  you're
• 24:23
  actually
• 24:23
  aligned
• 24:24
  to
• 24:24
  that
• 24:24
  business
• 24:25
  or
• 24:25
  company
• 24:25
  or
• 24:26
  not,
• 24:26
  you
• 24:26
  know,
• 24:27
  being
• 24:27
  able
• 24:27
  to
• 24:27
  have
• 24:27
  those
• 24:28
  honest
• 24:28
  conversations,
• 24:29
  being
• 24:29
  able
• 24:30
  to
• 24:30
  think
• 24:30
  about
• 24:30
  your
• 24:31
  Relationships
• 24:31
  and
• 24:32
  friendships
• 24:32
  and
• 24:32
  whether
• 24:32
  they're
• 24:33
  working
• 24:33
  for
• 24:33
  you
• 24:34
  as
• 24:34
  well
• 24:34
  as
• 24:34
  you're
• 24:34
  working
• 24:35
  for
• 24:35
  them.
• 24:35
  You
• 24:36
  know,
• 24:36
  being
• 24:37
  able
• 24:37
  to
• 24:38
  hold
• 24:38
  that
• 24:39
  reflective
• 24:39
  stance
• 24:40
  in
• 24:40
  our
• 24:40
  own
• 24:40
  lives
• 24:40
  is
• 24:41
  really
• 24:41
  important.
• 24:42
  But
• 24:42
  you
• 24:43
  know,
• 24:43
  I
• 24:43
  still
• 24:44
  have
• 24:44
  some
• 24:44
  things
• 24:45
  that
• 24:45
  show
• 24:45
  up
• 24:45
  from
• 24:45
  time
• 24:46
  to
• 24:46
  time
• 24:46
  for
• 24:46
  me
• 24:46
  around
• 24:47
  rejection.
• 24:48
  I
• 24:48
  have
• 24:48
  to
• 24:48
  be
• 24:48
  really
• 24:49
  aware
• 24:49
  of
• 24:49
  it
• 24:49
  in
• 24:49
  my
• 24:50
  life
• 24:50
  because
• 24:50
  it
• 24:51
  does
• 24:51
  pop
• 24:51
  up
• 24:51
  from
• 24:52
  time
• 24:52
  to
• 24:52
  time.
• 24:53
  But
• 24:53
  I
• 24:53
  no
• 24:53
  longer
• 24:54
  need
• 24:54
  to
• 24:54
  structure
• 24:54
  my
• 24:54
  life
• 24:55
  around
• 24:55
  avoiding
• 24:55
  it.
• 24:56
  Yeah,
• 24:56
  I
• 24:56
  was
• 24:56
  going
• 24:57
  to
• 24:57
  say,
• 24:57
  is
• 24:57
  it
• 24:57
  the
• 24:57
  sort
• 24:57
  of
• 24:57
  thing
• 24:58
  where
• 24:58
  you
• 24:59
  sort
• 24:59
  of
• 24:59
  become
• 24:59
  more
• 25:00
  aware
• 25:00
  and
• 25:00
  better
• 25:00
  at
• 25:00
  dealing
• 25:00
  with
• 25:01
  it,
• 25:01
  but
• 25:01
  it
• 25:01
  doesn't
• 25:01
  necessarily
• 25:02
  go
• 25:02
  away?
• 25:03
  Yeah.
• 25:04
  And
• 25:04
  you
• 25:04
  know,
• 25:04
  sometimes
• 25:05
  we're
• 25:05
  familiar
• 25:05
  with
• 25:05
  that
• 25:06
  phrase,
• 25:06
  it's
• 25:06
  like
• 25:06
  our
• 25:06
  Achilles
• 25:07
  heel,
• 25:07
  you
• 25:08
  know,
• 25:08
  it's
• 25:08
  the
• 25:08
  thing
• 25:08
  that
• 25:08
  holds
• 25:09
  us
• 25:09
  back
• 25:09
  and
• 25:09
  the
• 25:09
  thing
• 25:09
  that
• 25:10
  we
• 25:10
  need
• 25:10
  to
• 25:10
  be
• 25:10
  aware
• 25:11
  of.
• 25:12
  So
• 25:12
  I'm
• 25:12
  aware
• 25:13
  for
• 25:13
  myself
• 25:14
  that
• 25:14
  I
• 25:14
  will
• 25:14
  stay
• 25:15
  in
• 25:15
  things
• 25:16
  longer
• 25:16
  than
• 25:17
  I
• 25:17
  should
• 25:17
  because
• 25:18
  I
• 25:18
  don't
• 25:18
  want
• 25:19
  people
• 25:19
  to
• 25:19
  turn
• 25:19
  around
• 25:20
  and
• 25:20
  reject
• 25:21
  me.
• 25:21
  And
• 25:22
  I
• 25:22
  think
• 25:22
  that
• 25:22
  I
• 25:22
  need
• 25:22
  to
• 25:23
  be
• 25:23
  doing
• 25:23
  things
• 25:24
  for
• 25:24
  other
• 25:24
  people,
• 25:25
  for
• 25:25
  them
• 25:25
  to
• 25:26
  accept
• 25:26
  me.
• 25:26
  When,
• 25:27
  you
• 25:27
  know,
• 25:27
  the
• 25:27
  people
• 25:28
  that
• 25:28
  love
• 25:28
  me
• 25:28
  the
• 25:28
  most
• 25:28
  accept
• 25:29
  me
• 25:29
  because
• 25:30
  I'm
• 25:30
  me,
• 25:31
  not
• 25:31
  because
• 25:31
  of
• 25:31
  the
• 25:31
  things
• 25:31
  that
• 25:32
  I'm
• 25:32
  doing
• 25:32
  for
• 25:32
  them.
• 25:33
  And
• 25:33
  I
• 25:34
  think
• 25:34
  that,
• 25:34
  you
• 25:34
  know,
• 25:34
  for
• 25:35
  me,
• 25:35
  my
• 25:35
  reflection
• 25:36
  then
• 25:36
  is
• 25:37
  the
• 25:37
  moment
• 25:38
  I
• 25:38
  start
• 25:38
  to
• 25:38
  think,
• 25:39
  hmm,
• 25:39
  should
• 25:40
  I
• 25:40
  move
• 25:40
  on
• 25:40
  from
• 25:40
  this
• 25:41
  or.
• 25:41
  Or
• 25:41
  is
• 25:42
  this
• 25:42
  the
• 25:42
  right
• 25:42
  place
• 25:43
  for
• 25:43
  me
• 25:43
  anymore
• 25:44
  or
• 25:44
  should
• 25:44
  I
• 25:44
  be
• 25:45
  doing
• 25:45
  this?
• 25:46
  Actually,
• 25:46
  I've
• 25:47
  got
• 25:47
  a
• 25:47
  time
• 25:47
  lag
• 25:48
  in
• 25:48
  terms
• 25:48
  of
• 25:48
  how
• 25:48
  I
• 25:49
  operate.
• 25:50
  So
• 25:50
  when
• 25:50
  I
• 25:50
  start
• 25:51
  to
• 25:51
  think
• 25:51
  that
• 25:52
  I'm
• 25:52
  actually
• 25:52
  probably
• 25:53
  due
• 25:53
  to
• 25:53
  go.
• 25:54
  Interesting
• 25:54
  though,
• 25:55
  going
• 25:55
  back
• 25:55
  to
• 25:55
  what
• 25:55
  you
• 25:55
  were
• 25:55
  saying
• 25:56
  at
• 25:56
  the
• 25:56
  very
• 25:56
  beginning
• 25:57
  about
• 25:57
  the
• 25:57
  positive
• 25:58
  side
• 25:58
  of
• 25:58
  these
• 25:59
  things
• 25:59
  because
• 26:00
  obviously
• 26:00
  you've
• 26:00
  also
• 26:00
  ended
• 26:01
  up
• 26:01
  in
• 26:01
  a
• 26:01
  career
• 26:02
  where
• 26:02
  you
• 26:02
  are
• 26:02
  doing
• 26:03
  a
• 26:03
  lot
• 26:03
  for
• 26:03
  people.
• 26:03
  It's
• 26:03
  very
• 26:04
  caring.
• 26:04
  Do
• 26:04
  you
• 26:05
  think
• 26:05
  that's
• 26:05
  linked?
• 26:05
  Absolutely.
• 26:06
  And
• 26:06
  I
• 26:06
  think
• 26:07
  that,
• 26:07
  you
• 26:07
  know,
• 26:08
  this
• 26:08
  is
• 26:09
  one
• 26:09
  of
• 26:09
  those
• 26:09
  double
• 26:09
  edged
• 26:10
  sword
• 26:11
  scenarios
• 26:12
  where
• 26:12
  it
• 26:12
  is
• 26:13
  really
• 26:13
  precious
• 26:14
  to
• 26:14
  people
• 26:14
  and
• 26:14
  they
• 26:14
  often
• 26:15
  think,
• 26:15
  I
• 26:15
  don't
• 26:15
  want
• 26:15
  to
• 26:16
  give
• 26:16
  that
• 26:16
  up.
• 26:17
  I
• 26:17
  don't
• 26:17
  want
• 26:17
  to
• 26:17
  give
• 26:17
  up
• 26:18
  that
• 26:18
  I'm
• 26:18
  a
• 26:18
  nice
• 26:18
  person
• 26:19
  that
• 26:19
  most
• 26:19
  people
• 26:19
  like,
• 26:20
  well,
• 26:20
  no,
• 26:20
  you
• 26:20
  don't
• 26:20
  have
• 26:21
  to
• 26:21
  give
• 26:21
  that
• 26:21
  up.
• 26:21
  You
• 26:21
  just
• 26:21
  have
• 26:21
  to
• 26:22
  give
• 26:22
  up
• 26:22
  the
• 26:22
  parts
• 26:22
  of
• 26:23
  this
• 26:23
  that
• 26:23
  are
• 26:23
  causing
• 26:24
  you
• 26:24
  pain.
• 26:25
  And
• 26:25
  most
• 26:26
  of
• 26:26
  the
• 26:26
  time
• 26:26
  people
• 26:27
  think
• 26:28
  there
• 26:28
  is,
• 26:28
  you
• 26:29
  know,
• 26:29
  something
• 26:29
  terrible
• 26:30
  is
• 26:30
  going
• 26:31
  to
• 26:31
  happen.
• 26:31
  So
• 26:32
  for
• 26:32
  example,
• 26:33
  I
• 26:33
  might
• 26:33
  be
• 26:33
  working
• 26:33
  with
• 26:34
  someone
• 26:34
  around
• 26:35
  leaving
• 26:36
  a
• 26:36
  job
• 26:37
  and
• 26:37
  they
• 26:37
  think,
• 26:37
  you
• 26:38
  know,
• 26:38
  I'm
• 26:39
  just
• 26:39
  not
• 26:40
  going
• 26:40
  to
• 26:40
  be
• 26:40
  okay,
• 26:40
  this
• 26:41
  is
• 26:41
  going
• 26:41
  to
• 26:41
  feel
• 26:42
  awful.
• 26:42
  And
• 26:43
  then
• 26:43
  they
• 26:43
  resign
• 26:43
  and
• 26:43
  they're
• 26:44
  like,
• 26:44
  oh,
• 26:44
  actually,
• 26:45
  surprise,
• 26:45
  surprise,
• 26:46
  I
• 26:46
  feel
• 26:46
  really
• 26:46
  free.
• 26:47
  It's
• 26:47
  so
• 26:47
  like,
• 26:48
  so
• 26:48
  much
• 26:49
  of
• 26:49
  the
• 26:49
  behavioral
• 26:50
  side
• 26:50
  of
• 26:51
  this
• 26:51
  always
• 26:51
  comes
• 26:51
  back
• 26:51
  to,
• 26:52
  like,
• 26:52
  awareness.
• 26:53
  Absolutely.
• 26:54
  I
• 26:54
  always
• 26:54
  feel
• 26:54
  that's
• 26:55
  the
• 26:55
  biggest
• 26:55
  key
• 26:55
  because
• 26:56
  people
• 26:56
  will
• 26:56
  say
• 26:56
  to
• 26:56
  me,
• 26:56
  oh,
• 26:56
  I
• 26:56
  don't
• 26:57
  know
• 26:57
  how
• 26:57
  I'm
• 26:57
  going
• 26:57
  to
• 26:57
  change
• 26:57
  it.
• 26:57
  And
• 26:58
  I'm
• 26:58
  just
• 26:58
  like,
• 26:58
  if
• 26:58
  you
• 26:58
  just
• 26:59
  know
• 26:59
  what's
• 26:59
  going
• 27:00
  on,
• 27:00
  things
• 27:01
  start
• 27:02
  to
• 27:02
  change
• 27:02
  anyway.
• 27:03
  Right.
• 27:03
  From
• 27:03
  being
• 27:04
  aware.
• 27:04
  Journaling
• 27:05
  is
• 27:05
  really
• 27:05
  good
• 27:05
  for
• 27:05
  that.
• 27:06
  Like,
• 27:06
  I
• 27:06
  am
• 27:06
  so
• 27:07
  not
• 27:07
  a
• 27:07
  journaling
• 27:07
  person.
• 27:08
  People
• 27:08
  find
• 27:08
  this,
• 27:09
  like,
• 27:09
  really
• 27:09
  surprising
• 27:10
  when
• 27:10
  I
• 27:10
  confess
• 27:10
  to
• 27:10
  this.
• 27:11
  You
• 27:11
  know,
• 27:11
  I've
• 27:11
  bought
• 27:12
  all
• 27:12
  the
• 27:12
  pretty
• 27:12
  journals
• 27:13
  over
• 27:13
  time
• 27:13
  and
• 27:13
  they
• 27:14
  just,
• 27:14
  they
• 27:14
  have
• 27:14
  like
• 27:14
  two
• 27:15
  or
• 27:15
  three
• 27:15
  pages
• 27:15
  written
• 27:16
  in
• 27:16
  them.
• 27:16
  I'm
• 27:16
  not
• 27:16
  a
• 27:17
  5am
• 27:17
  Wake
• 27:17
  up
• 27:18
  person
• 27:18
  that,
• 27:18
  you
• 27:19
  know,
• 27:19
  sits
• 27:19
  down
• 27:19
  doing
• 27:20
  their
• 27:20
  journaling.
• 27:20
  I'm
• 27:21
  just
• 27:21
  not
• 27:21
  that
• 27:21
  person.
• 27:22
  I'm
• 27:22
  a
• 27:22
  writer
• 27:22
  on
• 27:23
  the
• 27:23
  back
• 27:23
  of
• 27:23
  a
• 27:23
  scrap
• 27:24
  of
• 27:24
  a
• 27:24
  receipt
• 27:24
  or
• 27:24
  the
• 27:24
  back
• 27:25
  of
• 27:25
  an
• 27:25
  envelope
• 27:25
  or
• 27:26
  maybe
• 27:26
  in
• 27:26
  the
• 27:26
  notes
• 27:27
  section
• 27:27
  of
• 27:27
  my
• 27:27
  phone.
• 27:28
  You
• 27:28
  don't
• 27:28
  have
• 27:28
  to
• 27:29
  do
• 27:29
  journaling
• 27:29
  as
• 27:30
  if
• 27:30
  it's
• 27:30
  like
• 27:30
  a
• 27:30
  practice
• 27:31
  that
• 27:31
  you're
• 27:31
  doing
• 27:31
  every
• 27:31
  day.
• 27:32
  If
• 27:32
  you're,
• 27:32
  you
• 27:32
  know,
• 27:32
  some
• 27:33
  kind
• 27:33
  of
• 27:33
  amazing
• 27:34
  yogi
• 27:34
  unicorn
• 27:35
  and
• 27:35
  that
• 27:35
  works
• 27:35
  for
• 27:35
  you,
• 27:36
  go
• 27:36
  for
• 27:36
  it.
• 27:36
  But
• 27:36
  that
• 27:37
  is
• 27:37
  not
• 27:37
  me.
• 27:38
  We
• 27:38
  need
• 27:38
  to
• 27:38
  embrace,
• 27:39
  though,
• 27:39
  that
• 27:39
  idea
• 27:40
  of
• 27:40
  writing
• 27:41
  down
• 27:41
  what
• 27:41
  we're
• 27:41
  thinking
• 27:42
  of,
• 27:42
  being
• 27:42
  able
• 27:43
  to
• 27:43
  look
• 27:43
  at
• 27:43
  it
• 27:43
  on
• 27:44
  paper
• 27:44
  and
• 27:44
  go,
• 27:44
  oh,
• 27:45
  that's
• 27:45
  kind
• 27:45
  of
• 27:45
  a
• 27:45
  bit
• 27:45
  of
• 27:46
  a
• 27:46
  funky
• 27:46
  picture.
• 27:46
  What
• 27:46
  am
• 27:47
  I
• 27:47
  going
• 27:47
  to
• 27:47
  do
• 27:47
  about
• 27:47
  that?
• 27:48
  Or
• 27:48
  how
• 27:48
  come
• 27:49
  I'm
• 27:49
  thinking
• 27:49
  that?
• 27:50
  Is
• 27:50
  that
• 27:50
  thing
• 27:50
  actually
• 27:51
  true?
• 27:52
  You
• 27:52
  know,
• 27:52
  that
• 27:52
  ability
• 27:53
  to
• 27:53
  be
• 27:54
  reflective
• 27:55
  with
• 27:55
  ourselves
• 27:55
  is
• 27:56
  such
• 27:56
  an
• 27:56
  important
• 27:56
  life
• 27:57
  skill.
• 27:57
  Especially
• 27:58
  when
• 27:58
  we
• 27:58
  think
• 27:58
  about
• 27:59
  how
• 28:00
  things
• 28:00
  like
• 28:00
  an
• 28:00
  unbearable
• 28:01
  feeling
• 28:01
  hold
• 28:01
  us
• 28:01
  back.
• 28:02
  Yeah.
• 28:03
  And
• 28:03
  you
• 28:03
  know,
• 28:03
  as
• 28:03
  you
• 28:04
  were
• 28:04
  saying
• 28:04
  before
• 28:04
  about
• 28:04
  it
• 28:05
  not
• 28:05
  necessarily
• 28:06
  going
• 28:06
  so,
• 28:06
  you
• 28:07
  know,
• 28:07
  trip
• 28:07
  you
• 28:07
  up
• 28:07
  at
• 28:08
  certain
• 28:08
  points
• 28:08
  because
• 28:09
  you
• 28:09
  had
• 28:09
  an
• 28:09
  issue
• 28:09
  recently,
• 28:10
  right,
• 28:10
  where
• 28:11
  you
• 28:11
  made
• 28:11
  changes
• 28:11
  to
• 28:11
  your
• 28:11
  home
• 28:12
  and
• 28:12
  it
• 28:12
  resurfaced
• 28:13
  some
• 28:13
  things.
• 28:13
  So
• 28:14
  we
• 28:14
  had
• 28:14
  lived
• 28:14
  in
• 28:14
  the
• 28:14
  Same
• 28:15
  community
• 28:15
  for
• 28:15
  10
• 28:16
  years.
• 28:17
  I
• 28:18
  went
• 28:18
  for
• 28:18
  a
• 28:18
  walk
• 28:18
  one
• 28:19
  day
• 28:19
  with
• 28:20
  a
• 28:20
  colleague,
• 28:20
  actually,
• 28:21
  who
• 28:21
  was
• 28:21
  visiting
• 28:22
  and
• 28:22
  we
• 28:22
  walked
• 28:23
  down
• 28:23
  the
• 28:23
  road
• 28:23
  to
• 28:23
  get
• 28:23
  coffee.
• 28:24
  And
• 28:24
  here
• 28:24
  I
• 28:24
  am
• 28:24
  stopping,
• 28:25
  talking
• 28:25
  to
• 28:25
  the
• 28:25
  old
• 28:25
  man
• 28:26
  from
• 28:26
  the
• 28:26
  rest
• 28:26
  home
• 28:26
  that
• 28:27
  I
• 28:27
  always
• 28:27
  have
• 28:27
  a
• 28:27
  yanjo
• 28:28
  and
• 28:28
  saying
• 28:28
  hello
• 28:29
  to
• 28:29
  that
• 28:29
  neighbour.
• 28:29
  And
• 28:30
  then
• 28:30
  I
• 28:30
  get
• 28:30
  to
• 28:30
  the
• 28:31
  cafe
• 28:31
  and
• 28:31
  they
• 28:31
  know
• 28:31
  exactly
• 28:31
  what
• 28:32
  I
• 28:32
  want.
• 28:32
  And
• 28:33
  my
• 28:34
  friend
• 28:34
  said,
• 28:34
  oh,
• 28:34
  it's
• 28:35
  like
• 28:35
  you're
• 28:35
  the
• 28:35
  mayor
• 28:35
  of
• 28:36
  this
• 28:36
  little
• 28:36
  town.
• 28:37
  And
• 28:38
  it
• 28:38
  wasn't
• 28:39
  that
• 28:39
  at
• 28:39
  all,
• 28:39
  but
• 28:39
  I
• 28:40
  just
• 28:40
  knew
• 28:40
  people
• 28:40
  everywhere.
• 28:41
  I
• 28:42
  felt
• 28:42
  really
• 28:42
  accepted
• 28:43
  within
• 28:43
  this
• 28:43
  community.
• 28:44
  I
• 28:45
  had
• 28:45
  great
• 28:45
  relationships
• 28:46
  and
• 28:46
  I
• 28:47
  loved
• 28:47
  it.
• 28:47
  But
• 28:47
  for
• 28:48
  a
• 28:48
  variety
• 28:48
  of
• 28:48
  reasons,
• 28:49
  it
• 28:49
  was
• 28:50
  the
• 28:50
  right
• 28:50
  thing
• 28:51
  for
• 28:51
  us
• 28:51
  to
• 28:51
  do,
• 28:51
  to
• 28:52
  move
• 28:52
  towns.
• 28:53
  I
• 28:53
  was
• 28:54
  absolutely
• 28:54
  terrified.
• 28:56
  I
• 28:56
  was
• 28:56
  terrified
• 28:56
  of
• 28:57
  letting
• 28:57
  go
• 28:57
  of
• 28:57
  all
• 28:57
  those
• 28:58
  relationships
• 28:58
  and
• 28:58
  all
• 28:59
  of
• 28:59
  that
• 28:59
  stability.
• 28:59
  I
• 29:00
  cried
• 29:00
  when
• 29:00
  I
• 29:00
  told
• 29:00
  the
• 29:01
  barista
• 29:02
  I
• 29:03
  have
• 29:03
  a
• 29:03
  home
• 29:03
  coffee
• 29:03
  machine
• 29:04
  because
• 29:04
  I'm
• 29:05
  reasonable
• 29:06
  with
• 29:06
  my
• 29:06
  money
• 29:06
  to
• 29:07
  not
• 29:07
  be
• 29:08
  going
• 29:08
  to
• 29:08
  buy
• 29:08
  a
• 29:08
  coffee
• 29:09
  every
• 29:09
  day.
• 29:09
  But
• 29:10
  I
• 29:10
  cried
• 29:11
  when
• 29:11
  I
• 29:11
  was
• 29:11
  saying
• 29:11
  goodbye
• 29:12
  to
• 29:12
  this
• 29:12
  barista.
• 29:12
  I
• 29:13
  was
• 29:13
  like,
• 29:13
  this
• 29:13
  is
• 29:13
  terribly
• 29:14
  tragic
• 29:14
  for
• 29:14
  me.
• 29:16
  I
• 29:16
  feel
• 29:16
  so
• 29:17
  deeply
• 29:17
  sad
• 29:17
  about
• 29:18
  that.
• 29:18
  And
• 29:19
  I
• 29:19
  think
• 29:20
  for
• 29:20
  me,
• 29:20
  letting
• 29:20
  go
• 29:21
  of
• 29:22
  familiarity,
• 29:23
  of
• 29:23
  a
• 29:23
  base
• 29:24
  level
• 29:24
  of
• 29:24
  acceptance
• 29:25
  as
• 29:25
  I
• 29:25
  moved
• 29:26
  around
• 29:26
  in
• 29:26
  my
• 29:26
  life.
• 29:27
  And
• 29:27
  you'll
• 29:27
  know
• 29:27
  what
• 29:27
  it's
• 29:27
  like
• 29:27
  with
• 29:28
  little
• 29:28
  kids.
• 29:28
  Like,
• 29:28
  you
• 29:29
  live
• 29:29
  in
• 29:29
  a
• 29:29
  little
• 29:29
  kind
• 29:29
  of
• 29:29
  triangle
• 29:30
  between
• 29:30
  kindy
• 29:31
  and
• 29:31
  the
• 29:31
  supermarket
• 29:32
  and
• 29:32
  your
• 29:32
  house.
• 29:33
  So
• 29:33
  I
• 29:33
  kind
• 29:34
  of
• 29:34
  knew
• 29:34
  everyone
• 29:34
  everywhere,
• 29:35
  and
• 29:35
  I
• 29:35
  did
• 29:36
  like
• 29:36
  that.
• 29:36
  That
• 29:36
  worked
• 29:37
  for
• 29:37
  me
• 29:37
  on
• 29:37
  some
• 29:37
  level
• 29:38
  emotionally.
• 29:39
  And
• 29:39
  we
• 29:40
  downgraded.
• 29:40
  We
• 29:40
  moved
• 29:41
  to
• 29:41
  a
• 29:41
  house
• 29:42
  that
• 29:42
  had
• 29:42
  threadbare
• 29:43
  carpet,
• 29:44
  that
• 29:44
  had
• 29:44
  ugly
• 29:45
  blue
• 29:45
  walls,
• 29:46
  that
• 29:46
  kind
• 29:47
  of
• 29:47
  smell
• 29:47
  a
• 29:47
  little
• 29:47
  bit.
• 29:49
  But
• 29:49
  what
• 29:49
  we
• 29:49
  decided
• 29:50
  was
• 29:51
  the
• 29:51
  most
• 29:51
  financially
• 29:52
  savvy
• 29:52
  thing
• 29:52
  for
• 29:53
  us
• 29:53
  to
• 29:53
  do
• 29:53
  was
• 29:53
  to
• 29:53
  keep
• 29:54
  the
• 29:54
  old
• 29:54
  house,
• 29:55
  to
• 29:55
  rent
• 29:55
  it
• 29:55
  out,
• 29:56
  and
• 29:56
  to
• 29:56
  buy
• 29:57
  something
• 29:57
  kind
• 29:58
  of
• 29:58
  further
• 29:58
  down
• 29:58
  the
• 29:59
  ladder.
• 29:59
  But
• 30:00
  to
• 30:00
  do
• 30:00
  that,
• 30:00
  I
• 30:00
  had
• 30:01
  to
• 30:01
  face
• 30:01
  my
• 30:01
  unbearable
• 30:02
  feeling.
• 30:02
  I
• 30:02
  had
• 30:03
  to
• 30:03
  live
• 30:03
  in
• 30:03
  something
• 30:03
  I
• 30:03
  didn't
• 30:04
  like.
• 30:04
  I
• 30:05
  had
• 30:05
  to
• 30:05
  live
• 30:05
  in
• 30:05
  something
• 30:05
  that
• 30:06
  didn't
• 30:06
  look
• 30:06
  flash.
• 30:07
  But
• 30:07
  I've
• 30:08
  made
• 30:08
  relationships
• 30:09
  now.
• 30:10
  There
• 30:10
  are
• 30:10
  people
• 30:10
  that
• 30:10
  I
• 30:10
  can
• 30:11
  go
• 30:12
  and
• 30:12
  have
• 30:12
  a
• 30:12
  coffee
• 30:12
  with
• 30:13
  and
• 30:13
  have
• 30:13
  a
• 30:13
  play
• 30:13
  date
• 30:14
  with
• 30:14
  my
• 30:14
  kids.
• 30:14
  There
• 30:14
  are
• 30:15
  people
• 30:15
  that
• 30:15
  I
• 30:15
  can
• 30:15
  chat
• 30:16
  to
• 30:16
  at
• 30:16
  the
• 30:16
  school
• 30:16
  pickup.
• 30:17
  Of
• 30:17
  course,
• 30:17
  I
• 30:17
  can
• 30:17
  back
• 30:18
  myself
• 30:18
  to
• 30:18
  have
• 30:18
  some
• 30:19
  people
• 30:19
  skills,
• 30:20
  to
• 30:20
  talk
• 30:20
  to
• 30:20
  people
• 30:20
  and
• 30:21
  to
• 30:21
  get
• 30:21
  to
• 30:21
  know
• 30:21
  them.
• 30:22
  Like,
• 30:22
  that's
• 30:22
  it
• 30:23
  just
• 30:23
  kind
• 30:23
  of
• 30:23
  defies
• 30:24
  belief
• 30:24
  when
• 30:24
  you
• 30:24
  hear
• 30:25
  it
• 30:25
  out
• 30:25
  loud.
• 30:26
  And
• 30:26
  when
• 30:26
  my
• 30:26
  career
• 30:27
  has
• 30:27
  been
• 30:27
  in
• 30:27
  this
• 30:27
  kind
• 30:27
  of
• 30:28
  people
• 30:28
  space.
• 30:29
  But
• 30:30
  it
• 30:30
  is
• 30:30
  really
• 30:31
  important
• 30:31
  for
• 30:31
  us
• 30:32
  to
• 30:32
  be
• 30:32
  able
• 30:32
  to
• 30:32
  face
• 30:33
  those
• 30:33
  blocks
• 30:34
  and
• 30:34
  those
• 30:34
  barriers.
• 30:34
  I
• 30:35
  thought,
• 30:35
  oh,
• 30:35
  my
• 30:35
  goodness,
• 30:36
  we
• 30:36
  are
• 30:36
  doing
• 30:36
  the
• 30:36
  wrong
• 30:37
  thing,
• 30:37
  and
• 30:38
  this
• 30:38
  is
• 30:38
  awful.
• 30:38
  And
• 30:39
  what
• 30:39
  have
• 30:39
  I
• 30:39
  done?
• 30:39
  And
• 30:40
  also,
• 30:40
  we
• 30:40
  project
• 30:40
  our
• 30:41
  unbearable
• 30:41
  feeling
• 30:41
  on
• 30:42
  our
• 30:42
  kids.
• 30:43
  So
• 30:43
  I
• 30:43
  was
• 30:43
  thinking,
• 30:44
  oh,
• 30:44
  my
• 30:44
  kids
• 30:44
  are
• 30:44
  gonna
• 30:44
  be
• 30:45
  rejected.
• 30:45
  They're
• 30:45
  not
• 30:45
  gonna
• 30:46
  make
• 30:46
  friends.
• 30:47
  So
• 30:47
  a
• 30:47
  lot
• 30:48
  of
• 30:48
  my
• 30:48
  insecurities
• 30:49
  were
• 30:49
  things
• 30:50
  that
• 30:50
  I
• 30:50
  was
• 30:50
  projecting
• 30:51
  onto
• 30:51
  their
• 30:51
  experience.
• 30:52
  Just
• 30:52
  none
• 30:53
  of
• 30:53
  it
• 30:53
  has
• 30:53
  turned
• 30:53
  out
• 30:53
  to
• 30:54
  be
• 30:54
  true.
• 30:54
  Isn't
• 30:55
  that
• 30:55
  funny?
• 30:55
  I
• 30:56
  feel
• 30:56
  like
• 30:56
  that's
• 30:56
  also
• 30:56
  the
• 30:57
  big
• 30:57
  power
• 30:57
  of,
• 30:57
  as
• 30:57
  you
• 30:57
  were
• 30:57
  saying
• 30:57
  before,
• 30:58
  even
• 30:58
  if
• 30:58
  it's
• 30:58
  not
• 30:59
  journaling
• 31:00
  the
• 31:00
  writing
• 31:00
  things
• 31:00
  down.
• 31:01
  Because
• 31:01
  when
• 31:02
  you
• 31:02
  put
• 31:03
  these
• 31:03
  fears
• 31:04
  in
• 31:04
  front
• 31:04
  of
• 31:04
  the
• 31:04
  light,
• 31:05
  you
• 31:06
  suddenly
• 31:06
  realize
• 31:08
  that
• 31:09
  doesn't
• 31:09
  make
• 31:09
  sense,
• 31:10
  or
• 31:10
  that's
• 31:11
  so
• 31:11
  overblown,
• 31:12
  or
• 31:12
  that's
• 31:12
  a
• 31:12
  bit
• 31:12
  silly.
• 31:14
  But
• 31:14
  when
• 31:14
  it's
• 31:14
  just
• 31:14
  sitting
• 31:15
  there
• 31:15
  in
• 31:15
  your
• 31:15
  mind,
• 31:16
  it
• 31:17
  can
• 31:17
  be
• 31:17
  this
• 31:17
  sort
• 31:17
  of
• 31:18
  uncontested
• 31:19
  idea
• 31:20
  that
• 31:20
  guides
• 31:21
  so
• 31:22
  much
• 31:22
  action.
• 31:23
  And
• 31:24
  it's
• 31:24
  only
• 31:25
  when
• 31:25
  you
• 31:25
  really
• 31:25
  force
• 31:25
  yourself
• 31:26
  to
• 31:26
  speak
• 31:26
  it
• 31:26
  aloud,
• 31:27
  write
• 31:27
  it
• 31:27
  down
• 31:28
  and
• 31:28
  look
• 31:29
  at
• 31:29
  it
• 31:29
  that
• 31:29
  you're
• 31:29
  like,
• 31:30
  oh,
• 31:31
  that's
• 31:31
  so
• 31:31
  silly.
• 31:32
  But
• 31:32
  it
• 31:32
  doesn't
• 31:32
  feel
• 31:33
  silly,
• 31:33
  does
• 31:33
  it?
• 31:34
  It
• 31:34
  doesn't
• 31:34
  feel
• 31:34
  silly.
• 31:35
  It
• 31:35
  feels
• 31:35
  like
• 31:36
  it
• 31:36
  totally
• 31:36
  makes
• 31:37
  sense.
• 31:37
  Sense.
• 31:37
  Sorry,
• 31:38
  terrible
• 31:38
  pun.
• 31:39
  To
• 31:39
  use
• 31:39
  on
• 31:39
  this
• 31:39
  podcast.
• 31:40
  It
• 31:40
  feels
• 31:40
  like,
• 31:41
  well,
• 31:41
  you
• 31:41
  know,
• 31:42
  why
• 31:42
  wouldn't
• 31:42
  I
• 31:42
  feel
• 31:43
  that?
• 31:44
  It
• 31:44
  feels
• 31:44
  really
• 31:44
  familiar
• 31:45
  to
• 31:45
  us.
• 31:46
  We
• 31:47
  know
• 31:47
  this.
• 31:48
  We
• 31:48
  know
• 31:48
  this
• 31:48
  way
• 31:48
  of
• 31:49
  being
• 31:49
  in
• 31:49
  the
• 31:49
  world.
• 31:49
  So
• 31:49
  it
• 31:49
  is
• 31:50
  quite
• 31:50
  challenging
• 31:50
  to
• 31:50
  give
• 31:51
  up.
• 31:51
  Yeah.
• 31:52
  Yeah,
• 31:53
  it
• 31:53
  is
• 31:53
  funny,
• 31:54
  though,
• 31:54
  you
• 31:54
  saying
• 31:54
  about
• 31:54
  the.
• 31:55
  The
• 31:55
  making
• 31:55
  friends
• 31:55
  thing,
• 31:55
  because
• 31:56
  when
• 31:56
  we
• 31:56
  move
• 31:56
  from
• 31:56
  Hamilton
• 31:56
  to
• 31:57
  Tiramutu,
• 31:58
  I
• 31:59
  like
• 31:59
  having
• 32:00
  my
• 32:00
  little
• 32:00
  cohort.
• 32:00
  Yeah.
• 32:01
  I
• 32:01
  like
• 32:01
  my
• 32:01
  little
• 32:01
  tight
• 32:02
  click.
• 32:02
  And
• 32:03
  I
• 32:03
  literally,
• 32:04
  a
• 32:04
  few
• 32:04
  months
• 32:05
  ago,
• 32:05
  said
• 32:05
  to
• 32:05
  my
• 32:05
  husband,
• 32:06
  I
• 32:06
  was
• 32:06
  like,
• 32:06
  I've
• 32:07
  chosen
• 32:07
  some
• 32:07
  new
• 32:07
  friend
• 32:08
  targets.
• 32:09
  There's
• 32:09
  this
• 32:10
  one
• 32:10
  and
• 32:10
  this
• 32:10
  one.
• 32:10
  You're
• 32:11
  in
• 32:11
  the
• 32:11
  market.
• 32:11
  Here's
• 32:12
  my
• 32:12
  strategies
• 32:12
  for
• 32:13
  them.
• 32:13
  What
• 32:13
  do
• 32:13
  you
• 32:13
  think?
• 32:16
  They
• 32:17
  will
• 32:17
  be
• 32:17
  my
• 32:17
  friends.
• 32:18
  I've
• 32:19
  decided
• 32:19
  they
• 32:20
  just
• 32:20
  don't
• 32:20
  know
• 32:20
  it
• 32:20
  yet.
• 32:20
  You're
• 32:21
  recruiting.
• 32:21
  Yeah.
• 32:23
  And
• 32:23
  really,
• 32:23
  really
• 32:24
  actively
• 32:24
  taking
• 32:24
  control
• 32:25
  of
• 32:25
  some
• 32:25
  of
• 32:25
  those
• 32:26
  things
• 32:27
  and
• 32:27
  being
• 32:27
  quite
• 32:27
  strategic
• 32:28
  about
• 32:28
  it.
• 32:28
  Because
• 32:30
  I
• 32:30
  need
• 32:30
  to
• 32:30
  have
• 32:31
  a
• 32:31
  little
• 32:31
  think
• 32:31
  about
• 32:31
  what
• 32:31
  my
• 32:31
  unbearable
• 32:32
  feeling
• 32:32
  would
• 32:32
  be,
• 32:32
  because
• 32:33
  I
• 32:33
  thought
• 32:33
  I
• 32:33
  had
• 32:33
  a
• 32:33
  little
• 32:33
  inkling.
• 32:34
  But
• 32:34
  as
• 32:34
  you've
• 32:34
  talked
• 32:34
  through
• 32:35
  it,
• 32:35
  I'm
• 32:35
  like,
• 32:35
  oh,
• 32:35
  maybe
• 32:36
  not.
• 32:37
  But,
• 32:37
  like,
• 32:38
  I
• 32:38
  definitely
• 32:39
  like
• 32:39
  to
• 32:39
  have
• 32:39
  my
• 32:39
  little
• 32:39
  cohort
• 32:40
  of
• 32:40
  people
• 32:40
  who
• 32:40
  I
• 32:40
  like,
• 32:41
  who
• 32:41
  I
• 32:41
  know.
• 32:41
  And
• 32:41
  when
• 32:42
  I
• 32:42
  moved,
• 32:43
  we
• 32:43
  had
• 32:43
  to,
• 32:43
  you
• 32:44
  know,
• 32:44
  reshuffle
• 32:44
  some
• 32:44
  stuff.
• 32:45
  And
• 32:45
  I
• 32:45
  just
• 32:46
  have
• 32:46
  found
• 32:46
  that
• 32:46
  being
• 32:47
  quite
• 32:47
  actively,
• 32:47
  like,
• 32:47
  oh,
• 32:48
  here's
• 32:48
  a
• 32:48
  bit
• 32:48
  that's
• 32:49
  missing
• 32:49
  from
• 32:49
  my
• 32:49
  life,
• 32:49
  and
• 32:49
  I'm
• 32:50
  chasing
• 32:50
  it
• 32:51
  has
• 32:52
  felt
• 32:52
  so
• 32:52
  much
• 32:53
  better.
• 32:53
  But
• 32:53
  that
• 32:53
  probably
• 32:53
  also
• 32:54
  means
• 32:54
  it's
• 32:54
  not
• 32:54
  an
• 32:54
  unbearable
• 32:55
  feeling.
• 32:55
  If
• 32:55
  I'm
• 32:56
  able
• 32:56
  to
• 32:56
  do
• 32:56
  that
• 32:56
  right,.
• 32:57
  Well,
• 32:57
  there'll
• 32:58
  be
• 32:58
  something
• 32:58
  going
• 32:58
  on
• 32:59
  somewhere
• 32:59
  in
• 32:59
  there,
• 33:00
  I
• 33:00
  suspect.
• 33:01
  It
• 33:01
  is
• 33:02
  so
• 33:02
  tough,
• 33:02
  especially
• 33:03
  for
• 33:03
  adult
• 33:04
  women,
• 33:04
  to
• 33:04
  do
• 33:05
  this
• 33:05
  friendship
• 33:05
  thing.
• 33:06
  And
• 33:06
  I
• 33:07
  find
• 33:07
  so
• 33:07
  many
• 33:08
  people
• 33:08
  talk
• 33:08
  to
• 33:08
  me
• 33:08
  about
• 33:09
  this,
• 33:09
  men
• 33:10
  and
• 33:10
  women,
• 33:10
  actually.
• 33:11
  I
• 33:11
  think,
• 33:11
  though,
• 33:12
  that
• 33:12
  the
• 33:12
  thing
• 33:12
  is
• 33:13
  we
• 33:13
  forget
• 33:13
  that
• 33:14
  other
• 33:14
  people
• 33:14
  are
• 33:15
  often
• 33:15
  looking
• 33:15
  for
• 33:15
  a
• 33:16
  friend,
• 33:16
  too.
• 33:17
  And
• 33:17
  people
• 33:18
  have
• 33:18
  the
• 33:18
  same
• 33:18
  vulnerabilities.
• 33:19
  We're
• 33:20
  all
• 33:20
  humans.
• 33:20
  We
• 33:21
  all
• 33:21
  worry
• 33:21
  about
• 33:22
  whether
• 33:22
  we
• 33:23
  will
• 33:23
  be
• 33:23
  accepted
• 33:24
  or
• 33:24
  feel
• 33:24
  good
• 33:24
  enough.
• 33:25
  Like,
• 33:25
  that
• 33:25
  is
• 33:26
  pretty
• 33:26
  fundamental
• 33:27
  to
• 33:27
  us
• 33:27
  as
• 33:28
  humans.
• 33:28
  And
• 33:29
  it's
• 33:29
  one
• 33:29
  of
• 33:30
  the
• 33:30
  best
• 33:30
  things
• 33:30
  about
• 33:31
  our
• 33:31
  humanity
• 33:31
  is
• 33:32
  our
• 33:32
  ability
• 33:32
  to
• 33:32
  build
• 33:33
  those
• 33:33
  relationships
• 33:34
  and
• 33:34
  to
• 33:34
  find
• 33:35
  acceptance
• 33:35
  with
• 33:36
  one,
• 33:36
  with
• 33:36
  one
• 33:36
  another.
• 33:37
  So
• 33:37
  I
• 33:37
  think
• 33:37
  go
• 33:37
  for
• 33:38
  it.
• 33:38
  Definitely.
• 33:38
  I've
• 33:39
  got
• 33:39
  my
• 33:39
  str.
• 33:39
  It's
• 33:39
  working.
• 33:40
  Yeah.
• 33:42
  I
• 33:42
  do
• 33:42
  think
• 33:42
  we
• 33:42
  get
• 33:43
  stuck
• 33:43
  in
• 33:43
  These
• 33:43
  loops
• 33:43
  and
• 33:43
  these
• 33:44
  patterns
• 33:44
  that
• 33:44
  you've
• 33:44
  mentioned
• 33:45
  and
• 33:45
  it's
• 33:45
  so
• 33:46
  common.
• 33:46
  So
• 33:47
  if
• 33:47
  someone's
• 33:47
  listening
• 33:47
  to
• 33:48
  this
• 33:48
  and
• 33:48
  they've
• 33:48
  thought,
• 33:48
  you
• 33:49
  know
• 33:49
  what,
• 33:49
  I
• 33:49
  do
• 33:49
  think
• 33:49
  I'm
• 33:50
  stuck
• 33:50
  in
• 33:51
  some
• 33:52
  patterns
• 33:52
  here
• 33:52
  that
• 33:53
  aren't
• 33:53
  working
• 33:53
  for
• 33:53
  me,
• 33:54
  maybe
• 33:54
  even
• 33:55
  you've
• 33:55
  mentioned
• 33:56
  some,
• 33:56
  that
• 33:57
  they're
• 33:57
  thinking,
• 33:57
  oh
• 33:58
  yeah,
• 33:58
  that,
• 33:58
  that
• 33:58
  could
• 33:59
  be
• 33:59
  me.
• 33:59
  Where
• 34:00
  do
• 34:00
  people
• 34:00
  start
• 34:00
  in
• 34:01
  terms
• 34:01
  of
• 34:01
  really
• 34:01
  sitting
• 34:02
  down
• 34:02
  and
• 34:03
  getting
• 34:03
  honest
• 34:04
  with
• 34:04
  themselves
• 34:05
  and
• 34:05
  sifting
• 34:06
  through
• 34:06
  what
• 34:07
  could
• 34:07
  be
• 34:07
  holding
• 34:07
  them
• 34:07
  back
• 34:08
  and
• 34:08
  causing
• 34:08
  a
• 34:08
  bit
• 34:08
  of
• 34:08
  self
• 34:09
  sabotage?
• 34:09
  I
• 34:10
  think
• 34:10
  step
• 34:10
  one
• 34:10
  is
• 34:11
  start
• 34:11
  writing
• 34:11
  down
• 34:11
  your
• 34:11
  reflections
• 34:12
  from
• 34:12
  today's
• 34:13
  conversation.
• 34:13
  What
• 34:14
  has
• 34:14
  stood
• 34:14
  out
• 34:14
  from
• 34:15
  this
• 34:15
  chat
• 34:15
  that
• 34:16
  you
• 34:16
  might
• 34:16
  want
• 34:16
  to
• 34:17
  reflect
• 34:17
  on?
• 34:18
  What
• 34:18
  are
• 34:18
  the
• 34:18
  things
• 34:19
  that
• 34:19
  you're
• 34:19
  noticing
• 34:20
  in
• 34:20
  your
• 34:20
  thinking
• 34:21
  and
• 34:21
  what
• 34:22
  are
• 34:22
  the
• 34:22
  areas
• 34:22
  of
• 34:22
  your
• 34:22
  life
• 34:23
  that
• 34:23
  you're
• 34:23
  not
• 34:23
  happy
• 34:23
  with
• 34:23
  at
• 34:24
  the
• 34:24
  moment?
• 34:24
  Where
• 34:25
  is
• 34:25
  it
• 34:25
  that
• 34:25
  you're
• 34:26
  not
• 34:26
  doing
• 34:26
  the
• 34:27
  things
• 34:27
  that
• 34:27
  you
• 34:27
  need
• 34:27
  to
• 34:27
  be
• 34:28
  doing
• 34:28
  for
• 34:28
  yourself?
• 34:29
  So
• 34:29
  not
• 34:30
  looking
• 34:30
  after
• 34:30
  yourself,
• 34:31
  not
• 34:31
  putting
• 34:31
  yourself
• 34:32
  forward
• 34:32
  for
• 34:32
  things,
• 34:33
  not
• 34:33
  prioritizing,
• 34:34
  socialising,
• 34:35
  whatever
• 34:35
  it
• 34:35
  is
• 34:36
  that
• 34:37
  needs
• 34:37
  to
• 34:37
  be
• 34:38
  further
• 34:38
  forward
• 34:39
  in
• 34:39
  your
• 34:39
  life.
• 34:39
  Wherever
• 34:40
  the
• 34:40
  areas
• 34:40
  of
• 34:41
  unhappiness
• 34:41
  are,
• 34:41
  wherever
• 34:42
  the
• 34:42
  work
• 34:42
  ons
• 34:42
  are,
• 34:43
  start
• 34:43
  reflecting
• 34:44
  on
• 34:44
  what's
• 34:44
  holding
• 34:45
  you
• 34:45
  back
• 34:45
  in
• 34:45
  those
• 34:45
  spaces.
• 34:47
  Because
• 34:47
  most
• 34:47
  of
• 34:47
  the
• 34:47
  time
• 34:48
  the
• 34:48
  fixes
• 34:48
  are
• 34:48
  quite
• 34:49
  simple,
• 34:49
  like
• 34:49
  go
• 34:49
  and
• 34:49
  make
• 34:50
  some
• 34:50
  new
• 34:50
  friends.
• 34:51
  Well,
• 34:52
  how
• 34:52
  come
• 34:52
  that's
• 34:52
  hard?
• 34:53
  What
• 34:54
  do
• 34:54
  you
• 34:54
  tell
• 34:54
  yourself?
• 34:55
  What
• 34:55
  is
• 34:55
  the
• 34:55
  story
• 34:55
  that
• 34:56
  you
• 34:56
  tell
• 34:56
  yourself
• 34:57
  about
• 34:57
  that?
• 34:58
  What
• 34:58
  is
• 34:58
  going
• 34:59
  on
• 34:59
  in
• 34:59
  your
• 34:59
  mind
• 35:00
  with
• 35:00
  that
• 35:00
  and
• 35:01
  how
• 35:01
  come
• 35:01
  you
• 35:02
  think
• 35:02
  those
• 35:02
  things?
• 35:03
  That
• 35:03
  how
• 35:03
  come
• 35:04
  question
• 35:04
  is
• 35:04
  a
• 35:04
  really
• 35:05
  simple
• 35:06
  but
• 35:06
  helpful
• 35:06
  way
• 35:06
  to
• 35:07
  start
• 35:07
  finding
• 35:07
  that
• 35:08
  unbearable
• 35:08
  feeling.
• 35:09
  And
• 35:09
  is
• 35:09
  it
• 35:10
  something
• 35:10
  you
• 35:10
  know,
• 35:10
  Especially
• 35:11
  if
• 35:11
  someone
• 35:11
  is
• 35:12
  in
• 35:12
  a
• 35:12
  committed
• 35:12
  relationship,
• 35:13
  should
• 35:13
  we
• 35:13
  do
• 35:13
  this
• 35:14
  with
• 35:14
  our
• 35:14
  partner
• 35:14
  or
• 35:14
  should
• 35:14
  we
• 35:14
  work
• 35:15
  on
• 35:15
  ourselves
• 35:15
  first?
• 35:15
  Like
• 35:16
  how
• 35:16
  do
• 35:16
  we,
• 35:16
  how
• 35:17
  much
• 35:17
  do
• 35:17
  we
• 35:17
  intervene
• 35:18
  if
• 35:18
  we're
• 35:18
  thinking,
• 35:18
  I
• 35:19
  think
• 35:19
  my
• 35:19
  partner's
• 35:19
  got
• 35:19
  a
• 35:19
  one
• 35:20
  of
• 35:20
  those,
• 35:20
  but
• 35:20
  I
• 35:20
  don't
• 35:20
  know
• 35:20
  if
• 35:20
  they're
• 35:21
  aware
• 35:21
  of
• 35:21
  it.
• 35:21
  Well,
• 35:22
  I've
• 35:22
  got
• 35:22
  a
• 35:22
  couple
• 35:23
  of
• 35:23
  lines
• 35:23
  for
• 35:23
  that.
• 35:23
  I
• 35:23
  say
• 35:24
  to
• 35:24
  people,
• 35:24
  you
• 35:24
  are
• 35:25
  50%
• 35:25
  responsible
• 35:26
  for
• 35:26
  your
• 35:26
  relationship.
• 35:27
  It's
• 35:27
  a
• 35:27
  little
• 35:27
  bit
• 35:28
  like
• 35:28
  marital
• 35:28
  property
• 35:29
  when
• 35:29
  it
• 35:29
  comes
• 35:29
  to
• 35:29
  issues.
• 35:30
  It's
• 35:30
  50,
• 35:31
  50.
• 35:31
  There's
• 35:32
  just
• 35:32
  yours
• 35:32
  and
• 35:33
  theirs.
• 35:33
  Like
• 35:34
  you
• 35:34
  can't
• 35:34
  be
• 35:34
  more
• 35:34
  responsible.
• 35:35
  They're
• 35:36
  not
• 35:36
  more
• 35:36
  to
• 35:36
  blame.
• 35:37
  Sometimes
• 35:37
  in
• 35:37
  that
• 35:38
  kind
• 35:38
  of
• 35:38
  dance
• 35:38
  of
• 35:39
  how
• 35:39
  conflict
• 35:39
  or
• 35:40
  communication
• 35:40
  issues
• 35:41
  work
• 35:41
  in
• 35:41
  a
• 35:41
  relationship,
• 35:42
  it's
• 35:42
  sometimes
• 35:42
  someone
• 35:43
  who
• 35:43
  starts
• 35:43
  it,
• 35:44
  but
• 35:44
  that
• 35:44
  part
• 35:44
  is
• 35:45
  quite
• 35:45
  irrelevant.
• 35:46
  You're
• 35:47
  responsible
• 35:47
  for
• 35:47
  your
• 35:48
  50%
• 35:48
  of
• 35:48
  the
• 35:48
  baggage.
• 35:49
  And
• 35:49
  I
• 35:49
  always
• 35:50
  suggest
• 35:50
  to
• 35:50
  people,
• 35:50
  you
• 35:51
  start
• 35:51
  there
• 35:52
  and
• 35:52
  make
• 35:52
  it
• 35:53
  so
• 35:53
  inviting
• 35:54
  and
• 35:54
  motivating
• 35:54
  for
• 35:55
  your
• 35:55
  partner
• 35:55
  because
• 35:55
  they
• 35:56
  see
• 35:56
  the
• 35:56
  changes
• 35:56
  in
• 35:57
  you,
• 35:57
  they
• 35:57
  go,
• 35:58
  ah,
• 35:58
  what's
• 35:59
  different
• 35:59
  here?
• 36:00
  Also,
• 36:00
  one
• 36:00
  of
• 36:00
  the
• 36:01
  things
• 36:01
  that
• 36:01
  is
• 36:01
  really
• 36:02
  powerful
• 36:02
  that
• 36:02
  we
• 36:02
  need
• 36:03
  to
• 36:03
  remember
• 36:03
  about
• 36:03
  our
• 36:03
  relationships
• 36:04
  is
• 36:04
  that
• 36:05
  when
• 36:05
  one
• 36:05
  of
• 36:05
  us
• 36:06
  changes,
• 36:06
  the
• 36:06
  relationship
• 36:07
  changes.
• 36:07
  Because
• 36:08
  it's
• 36:08
  like
• 36:08
  picking
• 36:08
  up
• 36:08
  the
• 36:08
  goalposts
• 36:09
  and
• 36:09
  moving
• 36:10
  them
• 36:11
  automatically
• 36:12
  breaks
• 36:12
  that
• 36:12
  dance,
• 36:13
  automatically
• 36:13
  changes
• 36:14
  the
• 36:14
  dynamic
• 36:15
  between
• 36:15
  you.
• 36:16
  And
• 36:16
  that
• 36:16
  is
• 36:17
  a
• 36:17
  really
• 36:17
  important
• 36:18
  thing
• 36:18
  for
• 36:18
  people
• 36:18
  to
• 36:18
  feel
• 36:19
  empowered
• 36:19
  around
• 36:20
  you.
• 36:20
  Making
• 36:20
  changes
• 36:21
  changes
• 36:22
  your
• 36:22
  relationship.
• 36:23
  You're
• 36:23
  giving
• 36:23
  me
• 36:23
  so
• 36:23
  much
• 36:24
  food
• 36:24
  for
• 36:24
  thought
• 36:24
  in
• 36:24
  this.
• 36:25
  Okay,
• 36:25
  if
• 36:26
  someone
• 36:26
  is
• 36:26
  listening
• 36:26
  to
• 36:26
  this
• 36:27
  and
• 36:27
  there's
• 36:27
  only
• 36:27
  one
• 36:27
  thing
• 36:28
  they
• 36:28
  do
• 36:28
  differently
• 36:28
  after
• 36:29
  this,
• 36:29
  what
• 36:29
  do
• 36:29
  you
• 36:29
  hope
• 36:29
  it
• 36:30
  would
• 36:30
  be?
• 36:30
  Get
• 36:30
  curious
• 36:31
  about
• 36:31
  what's
• 36:31
  driving
• 36:32
  you,
• 36:32
  why
• 36:33
  the
• 36:33
  things
• 36:33
  that
• 36:33
  are
• 36:34
  issues
• 36:34
  in
• 36:34
  your
• 36:34
  life
• 36:34
  have
• 36:34
  been
• 36:35
  following
• 36:35
  you
• 36:35
  around,
• 36:36
  what
• 36:37
  it
• 36:37
  is
• 36:37
  you'd
• 36:37
  like
• 36:37
  to
• 36:37
  be
• 36:38
  different
• 36:38
  and
• 36:38
  what's
• 36:39
  standing
• 36:39
  in
• 36:39
  your
• 36:39
  way.
• 36:40
  I've
• 36:40
  got
• 36:41
  an
• 36:41
  old
• 36:42
  Irish
• 36:42
  great
• 36:43
  aunt
• 36:43
  who
• 36:44
  used
• 36:44
  to
• 36:44
  have
• 36:44
  this
• 36:44
  fabulous
• 36:45
  saying,
• 36:45
  and
• 36:45
  I'm
• 36:45
  not
• 36:45
  gonna
• 36:46
  do
• 36:46
  the
• 36:46
  accent,
• 36:46
  but
• 36:47
  she
• 36:47
  would
• 36:47
  talk
• 36:47
  about,
• 36:48
  I
• 36:48
  can't
• 36:48
  get
• 36:48
  out
• 36:48
  of
• 36:48
  my
• 36:49
  own
• 36:49
  way.
• 36:49
  And
• 36:50
  I
• 36:50
  think
• 36:50
  that's
• 36:50
  so
• 36:51
  true
• 36:51
  of
• 36:51
  something
• 36:51
  like
• 36:52
  unbearable
• 36:52
  feelings,
• 36:53
  our
• 36:53
  fears.
• 36:54
  We
• 36:55
  actually,
• 36:55
  we
• 36:55
  sometimes
• 36:56
  think,
• 36:56
  oh,
• 36:57
  life's
• 36:57
  hard
• 36:57
  and
• 36:57
  it's
• 36:58
  like
• 36:58
  this
• 36:58
  and
• 36:59
  I'm
• 36:59
  being
• 36:59
  held
• 36:59
  back
• 37:00
  by
• 37:00
  this
• 37:00
  and
• 37:00
  this
• 37:01
  is
• 37:01
  difficult.
• 37:01
  We'll
• 37:02
  actually
• 37:02
  so
• 37:02
  often
• 37:03
  we
• 37:03
  are
• 37:03
  the
• 37:03
  person
• 37:04
  that
• 37:04
  is
• 37:04
  getting
• 37:05
  in
• 37:05
  our
• 37:05
  own
• 37:05
  way.
• 37:06
  So
• 37:06
  being
• 37:07
  reflective,
• 37:07
  getting
• 37:08
  curious
• 37:08
  about
• 37:09
  where
• 37:09
  in
• 37:09
  life
• 37:09
  are
• 37:10
  you
• 37:10
  getting
• 37:10
  in
• 37:10
  your
• 37:11
  own
• 37:11
  way,
• 37:11
  Are
• 37:11
  you
• 37:11
  being
• 37:12
  your
• 37:12
  own
• 37:13
  worst
• 37:13
  enemy
• 37:14
  that
• 37:14
  you
• 37:14
  can
• 37:15
  actually
• 37:15
  have
• 37:15
  complete
• 37:16
  control
• 37:16
  over
• 37:17
  that.
• 37:17
  In
• 37:18
  a
• 37:18
  time
• 37:18
  of
• 37:18
  human
• 37:18
  history
• 37:19
  when
• 37:19
  there
• 37:19
  is
• 37:19
  not
• 37:19
  much
• 37:20
  that
• 37:20
  we
• 37:20
  are
• 37:20
  in
• 37:20
  control
• 37:21
  of,
• 37:21
  we
• 37:21
  are
• 37:22
  in
• 37:22
  control
• 37:22
  of
• 37:23
  ourselves,
• 37:24
  what's
• 37:24
  going
• 37:24
  on
• 37:24
  and
• 37:24
  how
• 37:25
  we
• 37:25
  relate
• 37:25
  to
• 37:26
  the
• 37:26
  world
• 37:26
  and
• 37:26
  the
• 37:26
  people
• 37:27
  around
• 37:27
  us,
• 37:28
  especially
• 37:28
  the
• 37:28
  people
• 37:29
  we
• 37:29
  love,
• 37:29
  how
• 37:29
  we
• 37:29
  see
• 37:30
  opportunities,
• 37:31
  how
• 37:31
  we
• 37:31
  find
• 37:32
  our
• 37:32
  way
• 37:32
  through
• 37:32
  the
• 37:33
  world,
• 37:33
  how
• 37:33
  we
• 37:34
  feel
• 37:34
  on
• 37:34
  a
• 37:34
  day
• 37:35
  to
• 37:35
  day
• 37:35
  basis.
• 37:36
  So
• 37:36
  being
• 37:36
  reflective
• 37:37
  about
• 37:37
  what's
• 37:38
  happening
• 37:38
  internally
• 37:38
  for
• 37:39
  us
• 37:39
  is
• 37:39
  just
• 37:39
  so
• 37:39
  important.
• 37:40
  Oh,
• 37:41
  couldn't
• 37:41
  agree
• 37:41
  more.
• 37:42
  Absolutely
• 37:42
  couldn't
• 37:42
  agree
• 37:43
  more.
• 37:43
  It's
• 37:43
  like
• 37:43
  the
• 37:44
  flip
• 37:44
  side
• 37:44
  of
• 37:44
  the
• 37:44
  other
• 37:44
  saying
• 37:45
  that
• 37:45
  I
• 37:45
  also
• 37:45
  really
• 37:45
  like,
• 37:45
  wherever
• 37:46
  you
• 37:46
  go,
• 37:46
  there
• 37:46
  you
• 37:46
  are.
• 37:47
  Absolutely.
• 37:48
  Yeah.
• 37:49
  If
• 37:49
  you
• 37:49
  don't
• 37:49
  deal
• 37:49
  with
• 37:50
  your
• 37:50
  own
• 37:50
  stuff,
• 37:51
  you're
• 37:51
  just
• 37:51
  going
• 37:51
  to
• 37:51
  keep
• 37:52
  dragging
• 37:52
  it
• 37:52
  around
• 37:52
  with
• 37:52
  you
• 37:53
  and
• 37:53
  it'll
• 37:53
  keep
• 37:53
  popping
• 37:54
  up
• 37:54
  in
• 37:54
  new
• 37:54
  places.
• 37:54
  Yes.
• 37:55
  And
• 37:55
  our
• 37:55
  thoughts
• 37:55
  and
• 37:55
  beliefs
• 37:56
  have
• 37:56
  this
• 37:56
  really
• 37:56
  annoying
• 37:57
  way
• 37:57
  of
• 37:57
  following
• 37:57
  us
• 37:58
  everywhere.
• 38:00
  I
• 38:00
  don't
• 38:00
  really
• 38:00
  care
• 38:00
  how
• 38:01
  good
• 38:01
  you
• 38:01
  are
• 38:01
  at
• 38:01
  meditation,
• 38:02
  but
• 38:03
  then
• 38:03
  back
• 38:03
  afterwards,
• 38:04
  surprise,
• 38:04
  surprise.
• 38:05
  And
• 38:05
  to
• 38:06
  not
• 38:06
  think
• 38:06
  about
• 38:06
  ourselves
• 38:07
  as
• 38:07
  these
• 38:07
  fixed
• 38:08
  beings.
• 38:09
  Everything
• 38:09
  that
• 38:09
  the
• 38:09
  world
• 38:10
  of
• 38:10
  psychology
• 38:11
  has
• 38:11
  taught
• 38:11
  us
• 38:12
  in
• 38:12
  the
• 38:12
  last
• 38:12
  10
• 38:12
  years
• 38:13
  around
• 38:13
  neuroplasticity
• 38:15
  says
• 38:15
  our
• 38:15
  brains
• 38:15
  are
• 38:16
  just
• 38:16
  this
• 38:16
  really
• 38:16
  malleable
• 38:17
  lump
• 38:17
  of
• 38:18
  play.
• 38:18
  D'oh.
• 38:18
  We'll
• 38:19
  start
• 38:19
  treating
• 38:19
  it
• 38:19
  like
• 38:20
  that.
• 38:20
  Start
• 38:21
  being
• 38:21
  able
• 38:21
  to
• 38:21
  shape
• 38:21
  what
• 38:22
  it
• 38:22
  looks
• 38:22
  like
• 38:22
  and
• 38:23
  set
• 38:23
  yourself
• 38:23
  up
• 38:23
  with
• 38:24
  the
• 38:24
  beliefs
• 38:24
  that
• 38:25
  you
• 38:25
  need
• 38:25
  to
• 38:25
  have
• 38:25
  the
• 38:25
  life
• 38:25
  that
• 38:26
  you
• 38:26
  want.
• 38:27
  I
• 38:27
  love
• 38:27
  that.
• 38:27
  Oh,
• 38:27
  that's
• 38:28
  so
• 38:28
  much.
• 38:28
  Now
• 38:29
  you
• 38:29
  mentioned
• 38:29
  earlier
• 38:29
  about
• 38:30
  your
• 38:30
  podcast,
• 38:31
  so
• 38:31
  I
• 38:31
  want
• 38:31
  you
• 38:31
  to
• 38:31
  hit
• 38:31
  us
• 38:32
  with
• 38:32
  all
• 38:32
  of
• 38:32
  the
• 38:32
  wrecks.
• 38:33
  Where
• 38:33
  can
• 38:33
  we
• 38:33
  find
• 38:33
  you
• 38:33
  on
• 38:34
  this?
• 38:34
  Your
• 38:34
  website,
• 38:34
  your
• 38:35
  socials,
• 38:35
  your
• 38:35
  podcast?
• 38:36
  Anything
• 38:36
  else?
• 38:36
  Yeah,
• 38:36
  well,
• 38:37
  interestingly
• 38:37
  the
• 38:37
  Unbearable
• 38:38
  Feelings
• 38:38
  episode
• 38:39
  is
• 38:39
  the
• 38:40
  most
• 38:40
  listened
• 38:40
  to
• 38:40
  episode
• 38:41
  of
• 38:41
  my
• 38:41
  podcast.
• 38:42
  People
• 38:42
  have
• 38:42
  really
• 38:42
  picked
• 38:43
  it
• 38:43
  up
• 38:43
  all
• 38:43
  around
• 38:43
  the
• 38:43
  world.
• 38:44
  So
• 38:44
  my
• 38:44
  podcast
• 38:45
  is
• 38:45
  called
• 38:45
  Feel
• 38:45
  Better
• 38:46
  and
• 38:46
  you
• 38:46
  can
• 38:46
  find
• 38:46
  it
• 38:46
  on
• 38:46
  Spotify
• 38:47
  and
• 38:47
  Apple
• 38:47
  podcasts.
• 38:48
  I've
• 38:48
  got
• 38:48
  a
• 38:48
  website,
• 38:49
  charlottecomings
• 38:50
  nz.
• 38:50
  If
• 38:50
  you
• 38:50
  get
• 38:50
  lost,
• 38:51
  you
• 38:51
  can
• 38:51
  find
• 38:51
  the
• 38:51
  podcast.
• 38:52
  There
• 38:53
  a
• 38:53
  whole
• 38:53
  lot
• 38:53
  of
• 38:53
  free
• 38:54
  resources
• 38:55
  on
• 38:55
  my
• 38:55
  website.
• 38:56
  I'm
• 38:56
  on
• 38:56
  Instagram,
• 38:57
  Arlott,
• 38:57
  the
• 38:57
  counsellor
• 38:58
  and
• 38:58
  also
• 38:59
  I've
• 38:59
  got
• 38:59
  a
• 38:59
  course
• 39:00
  called
• 39:00
  give
• 39:00
  me
• 39:00
  10
• 39:01
  minutes
• 39:01
  which
• 39:02
  is
• 39:02
  a
• 39:02
  therapy
• 39:03
  alternative
• 39:03
  for
• 39:03
  couples.
• 39:04
  So
• 39:04
  if
• 39:04
  you
• 39:05
  are
• 39:05
  too
• 39:05
  busy
• 39:05
  to
• 39:05
  make
• 39:06
  it
• 39:06
  to
• 39:06
  therapy
• 39:06
  and
• 39:06
  you
• 39:06
  wanna
• 39:07
  work
• 39:07
  on
• 39:07
  your
• 39:07
  relationship,
• 39:08
  I've
• 39:08
  got
• 39:09
  this
• 39:09
  really
• 39:09
  easy
• 39:10
  audio
• 39:10
  course.
• 39:11
  You
• 39:11
  each
• 39:11
  listen
• 39:12
  to
• 39:12
  10
• 39:12
  minutes
• 39:12
  a
• 39:13
  week
• 39:13
  and
• 39:13
  then
• 39:13
  have
• 39:13
  a
• 39:14
  structured
• 39:14
  conversation
• 39:14
  with
• 39:15
  a
• 39:15
  guide
• 39:15
  that
• 39:15
  I
• 39:15
  give
• 39:16
  you.
• 39:16
  And
• 39:16
  it
• 39:17
  is
• 39:17
  a
• 39:17
  great
• 39:17
  way
• 39:17
  to
• 39:17
  work
• 39:18
  on
• 39:18
  your
• 39:18
  relationships.
• 39:19
  It
• 39:19
  includes
• 39:19
  a
• 39:19
  section
• 39:19
  on
• 39:20
  Unbearable
• 39:20
  Feelings
• 39:20
  too.
• 39:21
  Love
• 39:21
  that.
• 39:22
  So
• 39:22
  good.
• 39:22
  Thank
• 39:23
  you
• 39:23
  so
• 39:23
  much.
• 39:23
  My
• 39:24
  pleasure.
• 39:25
  Such
• 39:25
  a
• 39:25
  delight
• 39:25
  chatting
• 39:26
  to
• 39:26
  you.
• 39:26
  Now,
• 39:26
  if
• 39:27
  this
• 39:27
  episode
• 39:27
  was
• 39:27
  helpful
• 39:27
  to
• 39:27
  you,
• 39:28
  send
• 39:28
  it
• 39:28
  to
• 39:28
  a
• 39:28
  friend.
• 39:28
  We
• 39:29
  can
• 39:29
  all
• 39:29
  level
• 39:29
  up
• 39:29
  together.
• 39:30
  Until
• 39:30
  next
• 39:30
  time,
• 39:30
  have
• 39:31
  a
• 39:31
  great
• 39:31
  day.
• 39:33
  This
• 39:33
  podcast
• 39:34
  can
• 39:34
  only
• 39:34
  give
• 39:34
  you
• 39:35
  general
• 39:35
  information
• 39:35
  about
• 39:36
  how
• 39:36
  things
• 39:36
  work
• 39:37
  in
• 39:37
  most
• 39:37
  situations.
• 39:38
  It's
• 39:39
  not
• 39:39
  individual
• 39:39
  financial
• 39:40
  advice.
• 39:41
  If
• 39:41
  you're
• 39:41
  after
• 39:41
  that.
• 39:42
  A
• 39:42
  financial
• 39:42
  advisor
• 39:43
  is
• 39:43
  always
• 39:43
  the
• 39:44
  best
• 39:44
  bet.