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Why It’s So Hard to Stick to Habits (and How to Finally Do It) · Grounded Growth

• Steph Mic: Hi there, welcome back. I am Stephanie Petrie. Nicole Girardi. In today's podcast episode 13, we are going to talk about why it is so hard to stick to habits and how we're going to finally stick to those habits. So we're going to talk about motivation first. And many of us motivation kind of disappear. So that might be like the thing that gets us going at first. And we're very motivated. And we have this plan in place. ⁓ Nicole Mic: Gerardi. Many of us will have disappeared. Steph Mic: But then when that motivation disappears, we start thinking, what is wrong with me? Here I am again. It's not working. I am a failure. But the truth is that it fades for everyone. Motivation, I mean, it is part of that habit building process. And it's just something that's going to happen. It's kind of like that slump, right? And so what matters is that ⁓ we need to build these habits. Nicole Mic: so that it is what happens when the motivation is low. And that is, keep it simple for sure. The other thing that I would like to keep mind is that we cannot stop just showing up. We need to continue coming back to it even just a little bit. And it can eventually happen to your, like your drifting slowly away. Steph Mic: so that it is able to happen even when motivation is low. And that is to keep it simple for sure. The other thing that I want you to think about is that ⁓ we do not stop just showing up. You need to continue coming back to it, even if it's just a little bit. And it doesn't usually happen to where you're drifting slowly away. It's usually like all or nothing, or at least for me it is, I guess. And I just want you to realize that you have to continue showing up in order for it to continue going. ⁓ It's when you stop completely that it's going to hit that slump even harder, and then it's going to be harder to restart. So recognize those patterns in yourself of when it's going to possibly happen for you, whether it be a certain time of month, whether it be that you are really busy, whether it is maybe you're lacking sleep. Nicole Mic: it will stop completely. you ⁓ Steph Mic: whatever those triggers might be, then you might be able to interrupt that sooner. And you can get ahead of it and know, you know what? I'm just going to modify for this week for my habits. And then I'm going to jump right back next week. Love it. Yeah. Nicole Mic: Love it. Yes. Normalize the inconsistency of the season that you're in. ⁓ I think that that is a huge factor for all of us because beginning of the year, we always make those New Year's resolutions or those huge goals and we decide that we're going to lose 100 pounds and we're going to be all of these habits of drinking, you know, a gallon of water a day and we're eating ⁓ Steph Mic: 100 pounds and we're gonna make all of these habits of drinking, you know, gallon of water a day and we're eating Nicole Ghirardi: Hi, welcome to Grounded Growth Podcast. I'm Nicole Girardi. And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Stephanie Petry: And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button. Nicole Mic: healthy, all three meals, and I'm only gonna have 1,200 calories and all of these things. And then after three days, we quit. And a lot of it is that it's A, the accountability. feel like accountability is a huge factor. If you're gonna set yourself up with a big goal, you gotta have the accountability. If it's a habit tracker, if it's ⁓ literally your neighbor. Nicole Ghirardi: Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button right now on whatever app you're listening on. Nicole Mic: at texting every morning, checking in with you or whatever the case may be. But what happens is we start so strong and we're going to be great. And then we just fade away. And it is that motivation that continues to end. The biggest thing is I always like to say, why are we creating a habit? And that first why isn't the real reason. So if I want to create a habit of drinking water and it be because I want to lose weight, well, let's dig deep. Stephanie Petry: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Steph Mic: is that motivation that continues to end. The biggest thing is that I always like to say, why are we creating a habit? Nicole Mic: Why do you want to lose weight? Well, because I want to be able to feel confident in my body. I want to be able to fit in my clothes, whatever the case. Well, that's not your why either. You need to dig deeper. And I always say you ask yourself why four times, because that then is the core of the why, which normally ties into your core values and your core needs. And that's the biggest thing is that if you don't truly know why you're doing it, you are going to give up. Steph Mic: because that then is the core of the why, which normally ties into your core values and your core needs. And that's the biggest thing is that if you don't truly know why you're doing it, you are gonna give up. And it's just, it's okay because you don't truly know why you're creating this habit in the first Nicole Ghirardi: you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, Stephanie Petry: Thank you joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. ⁓ We hope brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, Nicole Mic: And it's just, it's okay because you don't truly know why you're creating this habit in the first place. Steph Mic: And that might give you even more direction of what habits to create then. Like maybe this isn't supposed to be a habit for you right now. ⁓ The other thing that had me thinking was the motivation piece. You mentioned a habit tracker. That is one of the biggest motivators to us. It is a dopamine hit when we see that we are achieving the things that we set out to do, especially on a visual graph. So check boxes, whatever that might look like for you. But tracking it in a visual way, it works. Nicole Ghirardi: stay grounded and keep growing. Stephanie Petry: stay grounded keep growing. Nicole Mic: Mm-hmm. Thank So, no. Steph Mic: It is science that works for motivation. So motivation might get you started on these habits, but structure is what's going to help it keep going. But Why do habits even fail? A lot of times, for me in particular, it's because we try to change our entire life all at once. We get motivated on something, and then we kind of spiral. And so we have to make it realistic, and we have to be ⁓ we have to hone in a little bit on the steps we want to take and how to get there and also like how far do you want to go and when. So a lot of that is prioritizing your habits of knowing your core values and your core needs in order to build that vision and mission that you're wanting. And so when we attempt too many new habits at once, your brain experience overload and decision fatigue and you are just overwhelmed, the state of overwhelm. And so making sure that Nicole Mic: Mm-hmm. ⁓ And so when you make decisions that you think are overwhelming, you're not trying to things that you really try. Steph Mic: you ⁓ You're not trying too many new things at once. Really try to get good at one before you start adding another one. I believe you called that habit stacking. I'm learning. And so that is one of the ⁓ tips and tricks. ⁓ One thing I was guilty of when I started doing ⁓ habits was that my habits were too vague. So for an example, ⁓ it was to read the Bible more. That is a great habit to have, Nicole Mic: Yes. Yes. No, I'm not. Steph Mic: It's very vague and it's very confusing. It's not a specific goal or it's not a specific habit. Getting healthier, getting more organized. So you kind of need to work your habits to be clear and specific so that you can actually achieve it. Think of it being able to check off a box. If you can't check off the box that you are in the Bible more, well, what does that look like? So make it more time specific, like I'm going to be in the Bible. Nicole Mic: ⁓ Okay. Steph Mic: You know five days this week or start even smaller. I'm gonna be in the Bible three days this week I am gonna eat healthy meals Monday through Thursday because in our house Friday nights pizza night so just kind of remember those tips that or remember the rhythms of your family too as you are making these habits Nicole Mic: Okay. I agree with you. think that a major reason why habits fail are falling into three categories. One being too big, like you said. One being too big. You are wanting to do so if you don't drink 24 ounces of water, how are you going to drink 80 ounces of water? And that's where you have to do the small steps to be able then to remind yourself to drink that water. And so Stephanie brought up habit stacking. So a big thing with me is that it's finding ways to be able to include this in things you're already doing. So for instance, let's say water is the issue. OK, well, what do I normally do throughout the day consistently that makes me want to go to Remind myself to drink water. Is it a reminder on your phone? Is it a you know, every time I get up out of my office I want to make sure I drink eight ounces of water Whatever the case may be that's that habit stacking is is that you already have the habit of we wake up and brush our teeth Okay So maybe it's I wake up and I drink eight ounces of water before I brush my teeth and so then that way then you're stacking something already on top of a habit that you Constantly do and you don't have to remind yourself to do it so then that way then it's more attainable for you. But the big thing is is that you have to have smart habits like you create a smart goal. It has to be specific, it has to be measurable, it has to be achievable, it has to be relevant to the season that you're in, and it has to be time-bound. So you have to be able to check the box and know specifically this is a to-do on my to-do list every single day. And if you don't have habits now, you're not going to add yourself six habits. You're going to add yourself one habit. those type of things is why we consider considerably fail on everything that we're doing. It's because we have this big achieving goal that I want to be able to lose all this weight. And then I want to do meals. I want to do water. I need to move my body. I need to do this. I need to do that. And then that is why we give up. because we can't do it all in one day because we put our expectations back up here and we have to be able to narrow it back down because it's not an all or nothing thinking when it comes to habits. You have to build upon them just like time blocking. You don't dive right in unless you're Stephanie. With time blocking, you have to do it in chunks. You can't eat an elephant whole. What does everyone say? You have to eat an elephant one chunk at a time, one bite at a time, and that's exactly what you're doing with a habit. Steph Mic: So habits need to be small enough and clear enough that your brain doesn't have to debate it. ⁓ And so I think that I appreciate you explaining more about habit stacking because that helps me kind of reorient what some of the habits I'm doing and when I'm doing them. ⁓ But small habits reduce the resistance because they feel doable even on the hard days. ⁓ And so this is something where we shouldn't have to think too hard about it. We are already making it. part of something we're already doing and that way even when we don't want to it is a simple yes and you just do the thing. Nicole Mic: Yeah. I agree with you. Shrink the habit that you want to do so then that way then you can build to your full habit. That is the biggest thing and the easiest thing you can do. And if you don't know how to shrink a habit, ask a friend or ask ChatGPT, ask Google, ask all of the things wherever you can find. to figure out how to do it. Most of the time it's, and I keep bringing up water because I feel like this is a goal for everyone. Like we're all told that we're supposed to have a gallon of water or it's half of our weight or whatever the case may be. But it's being able to do it in chunks because if you do it where, okay, I'm only gonna drink eight more ounces of water this week than I normally do every day. Okay, that sounds attainable, right? That sounds like, ⁓ that's satisfying that I can check that off today because I did what I was told to do versus I have to drink another 32 ounces of water than I normally do. That's not attainable. And that's where we just sit and we just give up. We throw our planner across the room. I have done it. And given up on my habits. And I'm not going to do this. This is too hard. It's too hard because we made it too hard because we have too high of expectations for us. So make your habits like almost too easy in the beginning, where it's literally brush your teeth and I'm going to do five squats today. And that's what you're doing. You're squatting while brushing your teeth. That's habit stacking. I know it sounds silly, but it's getting you to start thinking of the times that you have to be able to multitask on an easy thing to build a habit that you haven't been able to do. So. Between that and have a checklist. think a checklist is if you don't, you're not going to create the habit because you're not consistently checking it off and reminding yourself each day to be able to do it. So that's really where that 21 days of building a habit comes into play is that you're not going to know if you're not actually checking it off and holding yourself accountable for it. Thank you. Thank you. Steph Mic: Very well said. So small habits may feel insignificant, but they are the ones that actually stick. And then you're going to grow upon them. So every habit is essentially a way for you to become the person that you are wanting to become. And we talked about identifying what those habits might be. And it really does come back to those core values and your core needs. So being able to identify what is important to you and why is that important piece to start building the habit to begin with. Nicole Mic: So every. ⁓ Steph Mic: And sometimes we have to go back and we have to reflect on what are the habits we currently have and do those need to shift? Maybe it's habits that we've been doing for so long and we haven't even thought about just even reconfiguring when we do them. Does it have to be done that, you know, first thing that morning or is that something that can be shifted to some somewhere else in my day? And, know, life changes can happen to to help with this. So, for example, I got a new job in a new building. Well, Nicole Mic: Mm-hmm. Steph Mic: It's a different time than what I used to do so my whole habits of like coming home and doing my at-home habits which were like my cleaning the house and Getting dinner ready and just our wind down time even change because I was getting home an hour earlier ⁓ And I used to clean before school in the mornings when I would work out but now I was able to shift it to after I got home. So sometimes you just need to look at your day and you need to decide like, where can this fit in to fit the life I have? Nicole Mic: And so, I used to think that first it was morning when I was living in Hawaii. But now, it's really happening. So sometimes we just sit with it. And then we can decide where can we find anything that fits one time. Such a good thing that brings up a time audit. Have you ever done a time audit? I don't think that's a good idea. Yeah. Steph Mic: You know what? This is second time you've asked me that, so I need to. Okay, so talking about filling in where your habits should go. Do a time audit. If you haven't done a time audit, I do it once a quarter. Nicole Mic: OK, so talking about filling in where your habits should go, do a time audit. If you haven't done a time audit, I do it once a quarter. So I'm a nerd. I don't really care. It is what it is. But I sit for three days, and I write down everything that I do. Literally, it's just a column. of all the times for the day in 30 minute increments and I write down, oh, it's 8 o'clock. This is what I'm doing. Oh, 8 to 30. This is what I'm doing. Oh, 9 o'clock. I just spent 30 minutes scrolling on social media. Whatever the case may be, you are being brutally honest. Nobody's going to look at it besides you. But you're going to then be able to take that time on it. And you know the metaphor of putting the big rocks in before all the pebbles and then you put the sand in, that whole little scenario? That's exactly what you're doing because you're picking it out and you're going to see what are my non-negotiables. I talk about it a lot. Put those on your planner. Then you're able to pull all of the other stuff and say, I have this chunk of time that I wasted and I could have fit in a 30-minute workout. Or I just wasted 45 minutes dealing with X, Y, and Z when I didn't need to do that. because I'm addressing it tomorrow and I could have fit in being able to dive into God's word or I was able to clean the living room because I can't clean it all one day. Whatever the case may be, but time audit is huge in the factors of habit tracking, stacking and habit creation of any type of habit because you can't figure out what you can add until you know what time you have to be able to do it. So that's a huge thing. ⁓ We've brought up core values and core needs a lot. And I think that really, going back to, you don't know your core values, you don't know your core needs. But on top of it, if you don't know your mission or your vision in life where you're growing and you're trying to get to, why are you creating a habit? Because are you creating habit for yourself? Are you creating the habit because Stephanie and I are doing it? Are you creating a habit because the trends of being able to do X, Y, and Z is what's going on right now? It really dives down to all of your habits, all of your goals should all rely back onto the foundation of who you are. And if you don't know who you are, I'm going to tell you, you should probably join our Laying in the Foundation course because it's going to walk you through every single part of that. But I'm a firm believer that you can't move on further down the road of your life without knowing where you are, who you are, and what you want to do in life. And it's different from being in the professional world as well as being in the personal, you're just your personal life. But you have to know both, both because everything you do is for that. and being able to lean into God's word and know what God wants you to do for the path that you have is a huge factor of all of this. And I think that we get to the point of, ⁓ well, Stephanie's doing red light therapy mask every night. I need to do that. Or in this so-and-so is, the new trend on TikTok is the vibration plates. I need to add that into my routine. ⁓ my god. Well, I do have both of them. Steph Mic: is a huge factor of all of this. And I think that we get to the point of, ⁓ well, Stephanie's doing red light therapy mask every night. I need to do that. And this so-and-so is, ⁓ the nutrient on TikTok is the vibration plate. I need to add that into my routine. I don't know what either of those are. Well, I do have both of them. Nicole Mic: But let's not talk about that. ⁓ But it's the things that we do, but is it because we are doing it to help ourselves? Or is it that that's what we're supposed to do? you know, and I just, I'm firm believer in that you can't say, and I walk to you and say, what are your core values? You need to start there. because you can't build a habit, you can't create a goal, because you don't even know your goals. What goals do you have if you don't know who you are? So I'm going to get off myself, talk about this, but I'm a firm believer. Anytime any of you guys listen to me talk, I always bring that up, because it is just the core of us. And it's the foundation of who you are and what you want your kids to see of your legacy or what you want your husband to do. to know you for or the community, the impact of everything, all of that comes back into play of that to be able to help you create the habits of who that person is and who you want to be. You Steph Mic: I think that when we are trying to shape our identity, we need to realize that that takes time. And we can't shape who we want to become unless we know who we want to be. And that's really what we're getting at here is you need to decide. Like obviously you are here for a reason and you need to realize like, Nicole Mic: Mm-hmm. Yes. ⁓ Steph Mic: What you're currently doing isn't working, or else you wouldn't be listening to this, or even contemplating changing something in your habits or your priorities. ⁓ And so if it's not working, why is it not working? Nicole Mic: Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Steph Mic: And here we are back at those why questions again. And it might be, let's start with core values and see if that helps trigger anything for you to help get you on that, almost like a jumping board almost, to get you where you're wanting to go. And it might help you come up with a framework of what identity you're looking for. Nicole Mic: Yes. ⁓ Steph Mic: So just remember that even we're talking about starting small, these are also really big ideas. ⁓ And so it can kind seem overwhelming at first. But in order to start small, you have to know where you're really wanting to go. So it's not wrong to have this big goal or this big habit in mind. But we're saying don't start there. Nicole Mic: So it's really a problem. It's a big problem. But we're seeing what's happening. that's a big problem. Steph Mic: So that's really what we're trying to say. Just reinforce that story that you believe about yourself because you can do that follow through on a habit, you are reinforcing the identity that you're stepping into. So we got this, girls. Nicole Mic: Yes. Steph Mic: For our faith ⁓ layer scripture today, we're going to talk about Galatians 6 verse 9. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. In faith, growth rarely happens instantly. This is something that grows over time. And it's not like a perfect steady growth. We call this sanctification in the church. And so it is ⁓ when it's the journey of becoming more and more like Jesus. And sometimes we're going to have these pitfalls and we're going to get into these deep valleys of sorrow and suffering. And sometimes you're going to get, you know, these boosts of sanctification where, you know, you're getting Nicole Mic: you ⁓ Steph Mic: up on this high and things are going really well. And so the whole point is, is that it's not just a smooth line like, yay, I love Jesus and now everything's great. That is not what the Bible promises. And so it says that we're going to have hardship, we're going to have struggles, but we are not going to be left alone in those. And we are also going to be able to persevere through it and hope because we have hope in Jesus. The other things is Nicole Mic: Thank you. Steph Mic: Small acts of obedience eventually produce deep spiritual roots. So again, notice these small acts, okay, small acts, small habits, they build over time. Also that God often works through daily faithfulness rather than those big dramatic moments. Obviously he can use anything and everything for his glory, but we're talking about those mundane things that you're like, surely this isn't really growing my faith and it's, but it is over time. And so when you go to the Lord in prayer in the mornings, when you are opening his word, even if it's just for five minutes, when you are attending church, It doesn't matter if you feel like you're getting anything out of it or not. That's not what worshiping God's about. It's not about you. It is about coming to the Lord and seeking his presence because he is the one who is good. He is the one that gives you strength. He is the one that gives you the guidance that you need for your life. And so in order to be able to tap into that, you have to practice faithfully. Nicole Mic: Mm-hmm. Yes. Steph Mic: obedience daily. And when we miss a day, grace invites us in and to return instead of withdraw. Grace is new every day. Grace upon grace upon grace. So small acts of faithfulness matter more than we often realize. And when we don't have those moments of faithfulness, there is grace there as well. Nicole Mic: I agree and I think it's really encouraging that we all know that God isn't asking for perfection and that all he is is asking for is the willingness. He's going to be able to dig deep and work on us even on the days that we think nothing is going right. Those are the days that he's digging deeper into us to be able to lean into him and that is really what we need to do to be able to seek what He wants for us. ⁓ And knowing that we are not perfect, and God doesn't want us perfect. And that's where it's amazing to be able to tie this into habits, is that the first habit you should be creating is building the time with God's Word. And that starting five minutes, like if you haven't picked up a Bible and gosh knows how long, pick up a Bible instead of reading your app on your phone, there's a difference. I don't know how there's a difference, but I feel the difference of being able to look at the reading ⁓ just on our phone versus diving into the Bible and having to search for the chapters because I don't have them memorized and being able to just dig deep into it and make that your habit. mean, That should be everyone's habit. That's what we hope for at least, is that everyone's diving into God's word. So just my two cents. Steph Mic: I love it and I also highly recommend that if you don't have a study Bible start there as well And if you need a place to start in the Bible, I always recommend the book of John first ⁓ ⁓ I personally love the Reformation study Bible, which is an ESV English version ⁓ And that's just my personal preference and it's been very life-giving and able to ⁓ read scripture in context Nicole Mic: Thank you. Steph Mic: So in closing today, we have just a reminder for you. So remove the pressure to do habits perfectly. Missing a day is not failure. Quitting completely is what's going to stop the growth. Keep coming back. Nicole Mic: I'm going. Yes, absolutely. Start small. One simple habit this week. Remember, it's consistency over perfection. We are not here to be perfect. I do not check all of my boxes every week. You don't have to either. And you know what? We're going to be able to move on and accept it because we aren't made to be perfect. And so just making that one small habit this week is going to be a game changer for you guys. Steph Mic: All right, ladies, we got this growth doesn't come from perfect streaks. It comes from showing up again and again. So keep showing up for yourselves and we will see you when you show up for us next week Bye. Nicole Mic: Bye.