Latest / Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie / Safety In Your Nervous System, Hidden Signs, Common Blocks To Healing, Dealing With Projections & More.

Transcript

Safety In Your Nervous System, Hidden Signs, Common Blocks To Healing, Dealing With Projections & More. · Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Live Well Podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Liv, a naturopathic doctor, mentor, energy healer, a cost of breeder, intuitive, energetic business mentor, and honestly, so much more.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I help you heal on a physical and emotional level so that you can feel delicious in your health, body, relationships, career, and a bank account.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: This show is for those of you who are looking to go beyond the basic wellness stuff, cut out the BS, and really create a life you love.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about health, trauma healing, energetics, feminine energy, wealth, and magnetism so that you can live a life that feels delicious.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: In these episodes, we will have an honest conversation without the fluffy bullshit.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: You walk away with all of the insights, tools, and tips to truly live your best life, mind, body, and soul.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you are looking to live well, you are in the right place.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: For ways to work with me, visit keepupwithlive.com and follow me on Instagram at keep up with live for more.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And with that, let's get into the show.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Live Well Podcast.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I am excited to dive into another one.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I love how much you guys have been enjoying the podcast episodes, getting value out of them, learning things, implementing things.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's of course why we do the podcast.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I record them.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I give you guys all this value, all this stuff.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it makes me really happy.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And with that, we have another juicy one today, all about the nervous system.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking safety, we're talking all the things to really have a solid, unwavering nervous system.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna give kind of like a bit of background.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna go into kind of first steps you can do, start healing your nervous system, how to handle friends and family, all of that stuff that kind of almost gets in the way sometimes of having a regulated and solid nervous system and how you can start to overcome this.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Before we dive in though, we are going to mention a beautiful container that we have open right now, which is safety.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: This, I am so excited.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is actually gonna change the game when it comes to having a regulated nervous system.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: We are breaking apart, if you're familiar with well-nourished, into separate programs so that not only is it more accessible, but you can start healing now, even if you can't do all the programs, even if maybe just one of them is what you need.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: This way you get to kind of pick and choose.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can do them all, you can do one by one.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter, but we're starting off with safety because safety is literally the foundation.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is the thing that dictates whether you heal or not.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because if your nervous system doesn't feel safe, it doesn't matter how clean you eat, how much you move your body, the supplements you take, all of it kind of won't matter.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm very excited to bring you this revolutionary program.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: We are going deeper than ever before.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So not only is it like taken apart from well-nourished, but we are going deeper than I've ever gone and really how to integrate a solid safety in your nervous system, which if you're a human, you need a safe nervous system, let that be said.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll leave a link for that down below.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, it's going to change everything.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, any questions you have about that, you can reach out to me and let's go ahead and dive into the episode.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So the first thing I want to talk about, and I got this from one of my one-on-one clients who said like this was something that really resonated with her and like made her actually realize that she needed to do the work was that you can have a quote unquote like normal childhood, a normal, you know, life, and still have trauma, right?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because trauma is not so much an event, rather, it is energy that gets trapped in the body in response to a real or perceived threat.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Trauma is not an event, rather, it is energy that gets trapped in the body in response to a real or perceived threat.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now, why is this important?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because unfortunately, we are perceiving things as threats all the time because of trauma, we have not healed and completed.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: We perceive that the world is threatening, we perceive that relationships are threatening, we might perceive that money is threatening, we might perceive, you know, our bodies are threatening anything and everything.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And while our bodies are perceiving something as a threat, that starts to chronically wire your nervous system.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: But see, in primal days, if we were running from a cheetah, the cheetah would eventually stop chasing us.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully we get away, or whatever it is, and it would calm down and it'd be fine.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens is we are living in such a chronically dysregulated state that your brain actually never shuts off.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's always firing based on a perceived threat as well as the real things.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the kicker is that your brain has all of these beliefs, all of these structures in its head based on what it learned when it was younger that then make it believe it's under attack.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's not just like, I don't know, getting in a car accident or, you know, things like we think of trauma, we think of, oh, I was in a car accident, I was this, I was that.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Perfectionism is a trauma response based on a perceived threat, based on the fact that your parents put pressure on you, whether it was modeled to you, whether they told you, whether it was like subliminal that you secretly knew just based on their attitude that you had to get, you know, straight A's, or you had to get really good grades, or you had to be the best in the soccer team, or whatever it was.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the perception about love, that's a huge one for people.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, based on what you knew, how safe love was, then you become wired and relationships become difficult.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships become, you know, anxiously attached because of the things you learned when you were younger.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: So when when we are unable to restore, restore, when we are unable to restore a sense of safety following a threat, the trauma, that trapped trauma, causes our nervous system to get stuck in a survival state.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'll say that again.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: When we are unable to restore a sense of safety following a threat in our nervous system, that trapped trauma or trapped emotion, that trapped energy causes our nervous system to get stuck in a survival state.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: So why are we not safe?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the things happen in the first six years of life.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of it also under two, especially attachment style stuff, but a lot in the first six years.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: So the way your body perceives the world now is based on everything it absorbed when we were younger, the first six years.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's where it makes up assumptions, that's where it makes up stories, that's why it makes up conditions and filters with which we go through our life and how we live our life and how we respond to things.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It is literally how our nervous system are wired, which is also why the first six years of life are very, very important if you have babies.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's also why we are we're working, and I know I've been saying this for outlets spoiler, we are working on a kid's program coming soon.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's half baked, but why it's very important because both our met and unmet emotional needs and the corresponding either positive or negative experiences will impact the formation of your brain and your nervous system, especially the limbic system, right?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Which is where you perceive danger, it's where you perceive threats, like that's where our amygdala is.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've heard of, you know, amygdala deactivation, that's kind of what we want to do to bring our nervous system down.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But if it's wired into our brain to keep us safe, you know, if it's wired that we must be a perfectionist to be safe, because if we're not, then we don't receive love, or then we don't receive the love that we need from mom and dad.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they don't recognize us when we do things.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: We only get recognized, you know, if we get straight A's or we make the soccer team, or we get recognized more.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So then we learn, oh, in order for me to be safe, I need to be perfect.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm not, I won't survive.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to understand is your brain is so much like a sponge when you're younger that it actually associates if mom and dad don't love me enough, I will die.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because you need them to provide food, you need them to provide shelter.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So anything in your primal brain, because we are primal beings, especially when we're younger, logically you may know now, oh yeah, they'd still put food on the table roof over my head.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: But your primal brain doesn't understand that.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So anything it perceives is not safe.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, there are also things like mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, you know, going on.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: But the important of like, I'm gonna go through some examples as well in this episode, is that it's not just like if your mom hits you or your dad hits you, or if they called you names, it's just the perfection of having to live up to expectations.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's, you know, maybe they wanted to be around, but they couldn't.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So you felt like even though you knew mom and dad loved you and they were outworking to put food on the table, you still didn't get the emotional support that you needed.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Not their fault.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Again, and I say this in every episode we talk about parents, we're never shaming them or blaming them.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: They always do the best that they can.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: We know that they love us.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: However, there is a younger version of you who perceived something.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, perceived threat.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if we don't change that, and if you continue to bypass of like, oh, I had a normal childhood, nothing happened, you're doing yourself a disservice.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm actually here to tell you that everyone has trauma.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: No parents are perfect.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And they never will be.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: No one will be absolutely perfect, but it's about correcting those perceived threats, right?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that your body is no longer living in a chronically dysregulated state.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if you think back, some people come to me where they are, oh, I've had stomach aches since I was little, or I've had this issue since I was little, or I've always had notice that.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Notice those little undercurrents.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's very interesting, right?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because trapped emotions and trapped energy manifest physically last.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: So the last thing you're gonna see are the symptoms.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's when it's been there for a long time, right?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: So it's important to understand that there's obviously many types of childhood trauma, many types of stored energy, because that's all trauma is a stored energy, physical, emotional, mental.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, it's also the fact that normally these things aren't happening once, right?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's something that's really wired into your nervous system repeatedly.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't only find the pressure of being perfect once, right?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't only one day, one afternoon you came home from school, one time you showed your report card, or one time you showed a test.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was probably day in and day out, all through school, or all through whatever sport you did, or all through this.
• 10:44
  unknown: Right?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not even one time.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when we think about why it's so hardwired into your system, it's because of the pressure.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's because it wasn't just one time.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, what can happen through this repeated event or repeated energy being stored, you get like a dissociation, you get like a split, right?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because when your body actually can't process all the trauma, which remains, if you haven't listened to my episodes about trauma, it's simply three emotions that you experienced at once that the body didn't know what to do with, it splits.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so it fragments into different parts.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: So when it splits, it's like that part that couldn't handle those three things splits apart into fragments and then it gets stored because it can only handle a certain amount and it stores the rest for later.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Problem is that we're actually not taught how to, and again, this is something we should be taught growing up.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're not actually taught how to then process all of the emotion properly so that it doesn't get stored in our body.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then those fragmented parts wire your nervous system to constantly perceive threats and to be dysregulated and to be not safe.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: So think about it like a whore crux.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm obviously gonna have a Harry Potter reference in here.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Splits the nervous system is like splits, and you have all these little whore cruxes that then need to be put back together to make, I don't want to say whole, but to integrate.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Integrate's the best word, to integrate all those parts together so that your system can actually work cohesively.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And until you put those parts back and you merge them together and you like release the stored energy, kind of like when Harry Potter kills the horcrux, and you see like the energy of Voldemort like came out of it, until you release the stored energy, you're never gonna have the full, you know, powers.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just like Voldemort couldn't have his full powers until he put all the whore cruxes together.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can't have a full, healed, regulated nervous system until we take all those split parts.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: We release the stored energy, we put you back together.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: So these splits can trigger issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, chronic illnesses and symptoms, um, relationship issues, like attachment style, whether you're anxious or avoidant, all of these things.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to kind of run through some common examples of childhood trauma, and then we can kind of like go from there in terms of like digging even deeper.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: So whether it's like physically being hit, um, you know, having an emotionally unavailable parent, being punished, you know, by washing your mouth out with soap, being threatened even by I'm gonna wash your mouth out with soap, obviously, any kind of sexual assault, being the child of divorce or separated parents, um being given inappropriate or like very burdensome responsibilities, such as either caring for your parents or caring for siblings when like you weren't actually of the emotional age where you should have been.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is a big one that, again, people don't realize how traumatic it is, but given inappropriate or burdensome responsibilities is huge.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, like if you are five and you were meant to take care of like your three-year-old sister, like that, or even like six or seven, like that's that's way too much.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it may have been the fact that mom couldn't afford it or this or that, and so it was a dire circumstance, but it's also about then not bypassing the situation and being like, whoa, okay, I understand why that happened logically.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: However, that was not okay for my little girl, and I need to go heal that part of her.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, abandonment, and I don't even want you to think about, oh, like they didn't like run off and I never saw them again, though obviously that can be one.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: It can even be just leaving you alone for long periods of time.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: It can just be like you wish they were there and they were just like working too much, or you know, etc.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, emotional neglect.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: So anytime you weren't really nurtured, encouraged, or supported, this is like a big one where people don't realize how much support, encouragement, and like nurturing they actually needed when they were younger that they wish they would have gotten, especially when it was given conditionally, and then we learn that love is conditional.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: And when we learn that love is conditional, it's very unsafe to our nervous system.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that's another big one.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, obviously being called names or any kind of like verbal abuse, humiliation, um, and obviously things like car accidents, how you're brought into the world.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you were brought into the world by C-section or emergency situation, that is incredibly traumatic.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: That is like wiring your nervous system for like dysregulation, right?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because you came in a stressful event, obviously not necessarily under the control of your parents, however, important to visit.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's another thing I really want to stress is that do not bypass, do not invalidate just because maybe you weren't a child of divorce and your parents were together, but you knew you should have, like they should have been split up.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: So one of my one-on-one clients like that, current like situation, parents like she knew that they should have been split, and them actually like trying to stay together for the kids did more damage to her and her siblings than if they were to divorce.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So that know that like child children can feel everything.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: They are like sponge, they can read between the lines, they can feel stuff even if you're not saying it.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: So know that there's like always all these little um facets, right?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Humiliation, that can be like so many things.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, being told by your siblings that you were adopted, like that's an abandonment thing.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like if it people they or not people, but like your siblings regularly made jokes that you were adopted, that like, you know, you're not part of the family.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's major for a child.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you not finding mom and dad in the grocery store.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you got lost, even if you got lost for like an hour, that's traumatic, right?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And like honestly, as far as I could tell, I could name so many things, but I just want you to start kind of like just being aware and kind of seeing, oh yeah, okay, I could see how all these little things can kind of add up.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to give you a few, to give you an idea.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because like trauma, simply put, is when an experience really defies our capacity to process or move forward from it.
• 16:50
  unknown: Right.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: So this the specifics of an experience doesn't actually have to look the same for everyone and it doesn't have to.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: And know that the emotional impact of an experience is going to be different for different people.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: So even if you feel like, okay, I had siblings, you know, it doesn't affect my brother Joe like it does me, it doesn't necessarily have to.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: One person might be more affected than the other, people will be differently affected.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And also, unless you really know about this work and do this work, it might be affecting them and you don't actually know or are able to perceive it because you just don't know the flags of how it could be affecting someone.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: So don't bypass yourself in that way either.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: So part of the reason behind this is based on obviously how we are taught to process emotions.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why, like safety first, if we think about, you know, going back to psychology in school, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, safety is number one.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so oftentimes when people feel like they can't thrive or they can't, you know, grow and expand and they feel like they're constantly getting pulled down or constantly stuck, it's because they don't actually have safety in their system first.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so I doesn't matter if it's safety to heal your physical symptoms, safety to lose weight, safety to make more money, safety to grow a business, safety to get into a relationship, safety to have friendships, safety, safety, safety.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so start becoming aware of like all the different areas of your life where you're like, okay, do I feel safe here?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And all the ones like I just listed.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what did I, what was I modeled growing up?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I can see why.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, like I don't feel safe now.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: I can see why, you know, maybe dad wasn't around anymore.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm scared in relationships or I'm scared I'm gonna be left.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have an anxious attachment style.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, very basic, but A, bring awareness, but also it's time to heal because awareness unfortunately isn't enough.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness is not actually going to release that repressed emotion, right?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing the horcrux is there doesn't actually release the horcrux.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that's another kind of big block I see when it comes to actually healing your nervous system, is that people love to consume content.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, whether it's a book, a podcast, content on Instagram, they're like, all right, I have all these signs.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know my nervous system is dysregulated.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: But in order to heal it, you actually have to heal your nervous system.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: You actually have to put safety in it.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not enough to just be aware of it.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: You actually have to release that stored energy.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, it's gonna be like throwing spaghetti at a wall, hoping it's gonna stick.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about what are like the first signs to look out for when it comes to a dysregulated nervous system in your health, in your everyday relationships, wealth, money, all of those kinds of things.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: So notice how often and where you are getting kind of like on this roller coaster.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you're on a roller coaster, if you notice that you're high and then you're low and then you're up and then you're crashed, that's gonna kind of give you a really good idea.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you have one of those fitness trackers, like an aura ring or something like that, that's a beautiful tool.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's not required, but it just kind of gives you an insight because you can see your HRV, which is your heart rate variability, which tells you how your nervous system is doing.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're someone who really likes numbers or it likes to like kind of see how it's doing, and you can look at that, you want it over a hundred.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: So most people aren't, at least in the 80s, kind of ideally over a hundred, though.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want it in like the 30s or 40s, it's way too low, and shows that your nervous system is very much trapped in a survival mode.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's trapped in a state where it actually cannot regulate itself back down.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: So low HRV basically means your nervous system cannot calm down, it cannot regulate, it cannot bring itself back to homeostasis, parasympathetic chill mode.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a kind of another sign.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you notice, you go really up, like you have anxiety, tons of energy, and then you crash.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you notice that you aren't getting rest from your sleep, or you're not getting rested, no matter how much you rest.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: And this is another kind of like common misconception when it comes to like healing your nervous system and everything like that, is that if you don't actually release the stored energy and trauma and your system is wired in survival mode, you can rest, quote unquote, all you want.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can sleep all you want, you can lay on the couch all you want, and you're not actually gonna feel better.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I know because as someone who used to have chronic fatigue and no longer does, I understand.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because until you actually process it, your your brain has to process it to release it.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: So if you feel like you're frustrated, that you know you're still tired no matter what you do, you're still exhausted, you're waking up tired, you're not getting restful sleep, is because you actually need to exit survival mode so that your brain can rest.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: And your nervous system can rest, but it won't do that until you release your trauma.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Simply said.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like this is gonna be like a double underlying star moment.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system cannot actually rest until you've integrated safety into it because it doesn't feel safe to.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so if your rest is not restful, your nervous system is dysregulated and you need to anchor in safety.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: I am just jumping on this episode to let you guys know that safety is now open.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is the brand new program to really anchor in a deep level of safety into your nervous system and to break out of survival mode.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: We are gonna be breaking out of the wound.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: The trauma, the conditioning that gives your body the illusion of safety, as well as wiring your nervous system for that survival mode by releasing all of that trapped energy and trauma.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: We're also gonna be expanding your nervous system to make it more resilient so that it can hold more.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be resolving physical symptoms like metabolism, skin, anxiety, gut, all that are linked to the lack of safety, as well as really anchoring that safety into your body so that your nervous system has a default for calm and chill.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Not to mention, you're no longer gonna be triggered because your nervous system feels safe.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not only breaking out of survival mode, but you're building a nervous system that actually feels safe to expand because you've released the fears and lack of trust that keeps your system always looking for danger.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: We have four live calls a whole month together where you can also plug in in-between calls for personal support.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: This will be responded to daily.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: There are also gonna be added trainings, there's added videos.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is really about knowing exactly what your body actually needs to bring you out of survival mode and into thrival mode, along with the practical integration.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: So you actually know how to do this in a way that feels safe and solid.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to be cracked open, if you're ready to release all of that stuff, if you're ready to go all in for your healing and you know that you are meant for more, join us inside safety.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you are familiar with Wellnourished, Safety is the foundational program.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: We are breaking apart Wellnourished into separate programs so that not only is it more accessible to everyone, but you can start healing now.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: You may not even need all the programs, but safety is the foundational one.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: So chances are you need this one at least.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna leave all the information down in the description box, but I cannot wait.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is truly going to change the game when it comes to anchoring safety into your nervous system.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I cannot wait to see you inside.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: These are a lot of like kind of the big signs.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, like digestive issues.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Big sign.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: So any kind of like chronic constipation or even like the complete other end, if you are in either end digestive-wise, diarrhea or constipation, it's dysregulated, right?
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: You want to have perfect bowel movements.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, like a lot of the first signs, they aren't the first signs in your system, but they're the first signs you recognize.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because unless you're aware of kind of like the emotional signs, you think the physical signs are the first signs.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: The physical signs are actually the last signs, but they're the things you can notice easier for the most part.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: But like another little one that people don't notice is irritability.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you find like you're really snappy, you get irritable easily.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Man, this should never happen.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: It shouldn't happen around your cycle, but it shouldn't happen in the day to day.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, sign that your nervous system is at capacity.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Sign that you're in reaction mode.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, ooh, fight, flight, even to things maybe you shouldn't be reactive to.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my God, like why am I so like reactive to my kids, or why am I getting so irritated and so snappy at them or my husband or my partner?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: Nervous system is dysregulated.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: So really think about.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, like the physical signs are not the first signs, but if you have physical signs, those ones like you definitely want to look at.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, I'll go through kind of like how lack of safety can manifest in the body physically.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: So anxiety, panic, those are signs, constipation, emotional eating, that's actually a really good first sign that people don't notice.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: Your, if you're craving like lots of sugars, even lots of salt, anything that's like emotional and not like I need some food now, right?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Emotional eating is like I need chocolate cake.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your body's not your body's just saying, I need food.
• 25:38
  unknown: Right.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: But if it's saying, oh, I need to inhale a full box of cookies, emotional eating.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: If it's like I need to inhale a whole bag of chips, emotional eating, and that's a lack of safety.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because what your brain will do is it will find the quickest source of an illusion of safety.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And when we feel lack or we feel like a lack of safety in our body, if we think about the lack of safety like a whole, eating physically makes your stomach feel full.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: So it gives a false sense of illusion of safety.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you think about any time you've engaged in emotional eating, you feel more like more solid, like a hole has been filled temporarily.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: You might also feel sick down the line and then have gut issues, blah, blah, blah.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: But temporarily you do feel better.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just because in our day and age, that's one of the quickest forms of like the illusion of safety that we can give ourselves is because we have very much access to like food a lot more readily than we did when we like lived in the desert and we had to like, I don't know, hunt for our meat.
• 26:36
  unknown: Right?
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Excessive worrying, that's also kind of like a sign that you need to look out for.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: Trouble sleeping, like we said, being stuck in lack, like actually being stuck in lack is a sign that you have a lack of safety in your body.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you are safe, you don't feel lack.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: And now, like that could be scarcity when it comes to only honestly anything.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: The scarcity of love, scarcity of money, scarcity of resources, scarcity of food, right?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: A lack of safety can make you feel scarce with food and then let lead you to emotionally eat.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's why a lot of people emotionally eat the lack of safety, obviously, like repressed emotions that you're not dealing with, and then you have some sort of perceived lack.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you need to eat it all to try to get rid of that feeling when that feeling is really not necessarily about the food.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: All right, holding on to weight, and depending on the area, um, it signals different kinds of like safety.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we do have an episode on weight, so go back and listen to that.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: We also have a podcast directory that if you guys ever want to search up like topics, you can put into our podcast directory and it'll program or like spit out which ones those are.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll leave that down below because you can type in things like weight or skin or this, and like it'll show you which ones to listen to.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll leave the directory down below, but holding on to weight, some of it is like stuff to do with your parents, some of it's abandonment, some of it's like there's a whole host of reasons.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: So go listen to that episode.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, skin issues, acne, eczema psoriasis, lack of safety in the body, living in survival mode, obviously, chronically, lack of safety, fear of abandonment.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, fear of someone like losing you, fear of losing friends, fear of losing your partner, constantly asking him, do you love me?
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Constantly checking in, you know, scared that if he doesn't text you, good morning or doesn't text you, he's gonna leave you, constantly scared that he doesn't love you, um, that you're not gonna find a partner, all of these things.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a made it, all right.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Fear of running out of resources, kind of how we talked about, not just food, but like hoarding toilet paper, you know, or buying like excessive amounts of things when it's not required.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like hoarding onto or like saving things where it's like you don't actually, you're never gonna use them.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, difficulty standing up for yourself is actually a lack of safety.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: Varicose veins is a lack of safety.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, immune disorders, like even like autoimmune, lack of safety.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, like all of these things are starting to signal to you like that your nervous system is dysregulated.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, when we think about like what are the first steps to take to start healing your nervous system and really finding safety, again, especially when you're living with what can be considered quote unquote normal, but isn't for so long, kind of what to do.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, stop bypassing yourself.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think the number one thing I've seen, or even people come to me, they're like, I realized that, like, oh, this stuff did happen, and like they stopped bypassing and they stopped labeling it as, oh, it wasn't as severe as maybe getting hit all the time.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a big thing, you know, people, oh, because mom and dad didn't maybe like hit me that I didn't have trauma.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not true.
• 29:45
  unknown: Right.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so the first step is actually like validating that little girl.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we think about it, when you invalidate her, when you bypass her, you're really abandoning and rejecting yourself.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I can do a whole episode on like I probably will, self-abandonment, self-rejection, and how that ties into your self-love and your feminine energy and everything like that.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: But obviously your symptoms too.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Stop abandoning yourself.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a little girl who went through all this stuff, and you are telling her when you don't deal with your trauma, you are literally telling her what you went through didn't happen.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: What you went through isn't real.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: What you went through isn't enough to be considered harmful.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine saying to your little girl she's really upset or anything?
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is like, no, you don't have anything to be upset about.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, wow, like that's that's heartbreaking.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: And like I really want that to sink in because what people don't realize is that when you bypass and you're like, no, I had a quote unquote normal childhood, nothing happened.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Is that you are abandoning that little girl who needs your love, who needs you to help her complete the cycle so the trauma can leave her body.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I always say it's not that mom and dad didn't love you.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's just based on a perception you had in an instant that happened to change everything that we then need to kind of rewire and recode.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: So stop bypassing, start bringing awareness and just notice your kind of like your default.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like what is your default response when something happens?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I notice, yeah.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when this happens, I want to emotionally eat.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh yeah, I notice I'm like this in relationships, or I notice I'm like this in friendships.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm noticeing I'm like this in romantic relationships.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I notice that my bowel movements are a little bit more constipated.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I can notice that.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: But we get into kind of like this habitual routine living, and not necessarily in a good way, but in a way where we just mosey on and like that's just how life is, and we're living kind of feeling quote unquote fine or mediocre, or maybe not even fine.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're kind of like, you're just feeling shitty, you're stuck in lack, and like this just becomes your day in and day out, month after month, year after year, and it just perpetuates.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: The first step to like healing is actually you have to be willing to break that cycle.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: You have to actually be willing to want more for yourself.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something I talk about when we talk about quote unquote motivation.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: You are the only person that can find your motivation.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I have, I wish like from the bottom of my heart that people didn't have to hit rock bottom sometimes to heal their nervous system.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, sometimes that's the case.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: I wish you do it before then, please.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes it takes that to realize, wow, like I need to do this.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully these little cues can allow you to start implementing things sooner and start really like doing it for yourself sooner by not self-abandoning, by not bypassing, and by starting to really bring awareness to the fact and be willing to break the cycle to live something different.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because I can want it for you, but you actually have to want it for yourself.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's actually something like, oh, like what do I want for myself?
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Am I actually allowing myself to want more?
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: Am I just going through like a routine of life day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, where it's just like blah, mm-hmm, uh.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: So those are the first steps.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if we think about like how to handle friends and family who maybe like question you doing the work or who don't think there's anything wrong and you need to get over it, especially when it comes to like maybe setting in boundaries or bringing in safety or healing your system, like growing, expanding, like doing the quote unquote work.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you don't necessarily have to short share it with them if they're not supportive.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel like they're not gonna be supportive of your journey, don't share it with them.
• 33:38
  unknown: Right?
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: And there keep in mind that there's gonna be projections from people who are going to be uncomfortable with the fact that you have to heal from things that they did to you.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: 1000%.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Especially like if you're if it's your parents or if it's this or if it's that, they might get reactive, they might get angry, they might get offended, like, oh, I guess I was just like a terrible mother.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's a common one I get.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Where they kind of they go into trying to make you feel guilty.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you maybe you want to bring something up or you want to talk about something that happened in childhood.
• 34:13
  unknown: Right?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many little things.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, my suggestion is like, don't bring people in unless they are a safe space.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: How are you going to anchor safety into your system if you are bringing in people who aren't a safe space?
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll know that they're not a safe space because you should be able to talk about it and you have no fear about how their reaction is going to be.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then obviously, when you build safety into your system, you won't have that reaction anymore.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, for example, personally with my mom, oh, if I were to like bring up, you know, this is like what happened, this is what how like what how what you did, and this is the effect it had on me, I'd very much get either that never happened, like a complete denial of what happened even though I was there.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: And like it wasn't like a repressed memory, it was things like they're burned into my mind.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: I can still see crystal clear, even though now I don't react to them.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, oh, I guess I'm just a horrible mother.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: I guess this, I guess that.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so there was a time where there just didn't bring things up.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I don't bring things up now, but because I know the projections are not gonna be what's helping me heal.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so look at where you are perhaps seeking validation or perhaps seeking safety in places that are not safe and may never be safe.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: So notice that part of you, right?
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because whether this is relationships with your romantic partners or family or friends, we do that when we actually don't want to sit with the fact that we should be giving it to ourselves.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then we get stuck in this vicious loop of trying to get it from someone else.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the validation you might get if you're in a romantic relationship and you're anxiously attached, and it's like the do you love me?
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: Do you love me?
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: Do you love me?
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: And they tell you half a million times and you still don't feel it, it's because of the lack of safety.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I wouldn't even bring in those people, you know, when you're kind of doing the work who maybe think that they did nothing wrong or think they're get over it, or that's normal, that's how life is, that's how marriages are, that's how childhood are, that's our no.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's okay.
• 36:14
  unknown: Right?
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: Keep that in mind.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to kind of talk about some of the issues when it comes to trying to heal safety into your nervous system and really bring it in and kind of like why you maybe like try so many things, but it hasn't quote unquote worked, right?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is what I think is really important because there are so many incredible things that you can do, but they may not have worked.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna kind of break down really the importance when bringing safety into your nervous system.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: So when you are actually healing your nervous system, bringing in safety, you need three different approaches at once.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't, you're kind of like doing it half-ass, you're kind of getting like half of the part of the puzzle, but it doesn't ever fully integrate or fully work.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's like these three things are on like a tricycle.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say car, car is four, and we're working with three.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: So let's say tricycle, but you need all three to work.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have one or you have two, but you don't have all three at the same time, you're the tricycle or whatever is not gonna work, or scooter, something with three wheels.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's bottom-up, top-down, and horizontal.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: So bottom-up are things like outside your conscious awareness.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: So Tai Chi, qigong, breath work, walking, yoga, these are all beautiful bottom-up things.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: Top-down things are very like mind-based.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: So think about talk therapy.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is why people can go to talk therapy for a long time and not actually get anywhere.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: You should be able, like when you're releasing trauma, you do it once.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're not talking about the same issue for one year, two years, three years, five years, ten years.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: I've had people for 20 years go to talk therapy and we solve the issue in one call.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: One.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because what talk therapy does is it brings it to the surface.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: You talk about it, you don't actually release the stored energy.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: You re-traumatize, you bring it up, but it doesn't actually get released.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it just rewires the trauma back into your system.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: So this is why if you find that you've been going for a while and it's not fully resolved, where like I'm not saying managed, because we know we don't believe in managing, we believe in getting to the root, and so it just becomes non-existent.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're probably doing top-down and you're not doing the other methods at the same time to then kind of like really release it.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have horizontal, which basically works on both hemispheres of the brain.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: So think things like EMDR, right?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's another horizontal one.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: So the issue is you could do a little bit of MDR, EMDR.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe you're doing a bit of breath work, and then maybe, you know, a couple of years ago you did talk therapy, whatever this.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or even if you're doing them like week to week, but you're not doing all at the same time, it doesn't actually rewire your system.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: You actually need bottom up, top-down, horizontal at the same time so that you actually release the trauma.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because while all of these individually have benefit, the reason that they may not work completely in your nervous system is because it doesn't actually complete it.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: You need all three at the same time.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is why the work I do is so powerful, because it works on all three levels at the exact same moment in time.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: At like we're doing it all three at the same time.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: So when it reaches completion, then you're no longer triggered and the body can actually enter a state of safety.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: It restores that safety in the body.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so just think about if you feel like, well, I've been doing like different things for nervous system dysregulation, and it like I feel like it's not fully there, this is probably why.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: You need to all three at the same time.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: All three different types.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: So the last thing I kind of want to touch on, with a which I think is really important, is you know, when your nervousism is no longer dysregulated, what do you do after that, right?
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: What are like the possibilities?
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like now that your vessel is kind of opened up, what next?
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I this is a big thing for people.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: The actually talking about this with a one-on-one.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: So she came to me, and I love giving you guys client examples because I think it gives really good context as to different situations.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: So she came to me with severe anxiety in lots of things in life.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety about where she was going, anxiety about where she lived, anxiety about job, anxiety, but uh, there's just anxiety, many different areas, social.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: And we kind of healed that in like one call.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: So we kind of got rid of it.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then she was like, Oh, like, what do I do now?
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have all this space.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: This has happened with a lot of my clients with anxiety.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, oh, like what about now?
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and it becomes this almost identity of being attached to being dysregulated.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's actually now that I say this, it's happened.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're working, I'm working with another one-on-one who was very much attached to her dysregulation story.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: And there is a perceived loss when you aren't dysregulated anymore.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes being dysregulated gets you love.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes being dysregulated gets you attention, gives you something to talk about.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can't talk about maybe the fact that you're always constipated, or you can't talk about this, or you're not feeling like this, like you actually become addicted to the trauma.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm probably gonna do like a little, I'm gonna do a little podcast episode on this.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let me write this down as a little, I'll do a little mini sode.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_00: Addicted to the trauma.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because I that's a very big one.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's like, who am I after this?
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I actually have so much space.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: This was a question that came up in Wealth Recode actually today.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my God, like, okay, now that I feel this ease when it comes to like money and wealth, just like I have all this space.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do I do now?
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember being there.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like when your body actually calms down when you no longer have symptoms, and you're just like, oh, shit, like what's possible in my life?
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I always say, like, I don't want to just help you heal your system like symptoms, because that just gets you to like feeling okay.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, all right, what more than that?
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about just getting you out of survival, it's about getting you into thrival.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so we think about when your body is actually anchored into safety, the possibilities are endless.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because when your body feels safe, you become one unwavering like human being.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then not only can you have more beautiful relationships, deeper connections, better friendships, more money, obviously feel better physically.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when we think about maintenance and people have like processes for maintenance, other than like the things I talk about in the regulate masterclass, which are just like the basic like, you know, nutrition things, you know, there are like little things I do.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_00: Once you actually anchor in safety for your nervous system, I'm not spending, you know, three hours a day trying to maintain my nervous system.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm not spending hours in the, if I don't spend these hours doing it, my nervous system goes, shit.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: There are little habits, right?
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I say in the regularly masterclass, this is not meditating for two hours to regulate your nervous system.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: There are things I do with ease just to keep it maintenance.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: But it's actually a lot less energy.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes you can think that, like, oh, doing the quote unquote work is a lot, or like, do I have the time?
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have the energy?
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: You actually have more time and energy to do the work than you have to keep feeling how you feel.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I think when people don't realize it's a lot more exhausting to be on that roller coaster.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot more exhausting or like harder to struggle with physical symptoms.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have so much space afterwards.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: So much space that you get back, right?
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: Then trying to be on this hamster wheel of being in chronic survival mode.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_00: You not only do you get to like have deeper connections in your relationships and like feel better physically, but you're actually able to enjoy things with more pleasure.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, like your the vacation you're going on, you actually enjoy it.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to worry about your physical symptoms, right?
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're actually able to relax.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's rejuvenating.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: You are actually able to experience higher levels of joy, bliss, and pleasure, not only from like things like vacations, but also in the bedroom, right?
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because your body is over.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a clear.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_00: We've got out all the gunk.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: Think about like a clogged artery.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: We've cleared it.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: So more blood can go through.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: We've cleared your vessels so you can experience more.
• 44:10
  unknown: Right.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we think about the possibilities, like it's kind of like endless.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then we wonder like why it's not coming in.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_00: If your artery is clogged by things that you haven't released yet, and you're wondering why you know blood's not flowing through the artery.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we can see why.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's rather than trying to shove more blood through the artery, which is not really gonna, that's how you get high blood pressure, right?
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: More blood's trying to get through, but it can't because the artery's clogged.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: What if we just unclog the artery?
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: It would flow through with so much more ease.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I think people don't realize is that there would be so much more ease in your life, so much more space, so much more bliss, pleasure, calm, less reaction, less exhaustion.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like you just feel so much better.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it actually does not take a lot to maintain.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't take hours a day.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't take a lot of things to maintain it.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: Light things.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: There are little things you do, but those little things just become part of your lifestyle and they're easy and they're things you do in like less than 10 minutes a day.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not meditate for two hours.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's also, you know, a hump that a lot of people have to get over when it comes to healing their nervous system is that it actually doesn't, it takes less work to do the work than to stay where you are right now every single time.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: And every single time someone comes to me, they're like, I wish I did this sooner.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it was gonna be so much like more of this like a big thing or like this big hump, and it's not.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: It is, you do have to show up for yourself.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: You do have to embody things and set boundaries, and you do all the things, but it's a hell of a lot easier.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why like I've done a I did a post a while back when I was talking about like, I actually don't think doing the work is hard.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think living where I was was a lot harder.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's also something all my clients tell me it was a lot harder to struggle with those symptoms.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: It was a lot harder to feel dysregulated, it was a lot harder.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: But you don't see that until you're looking backwards, right?
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can't connect the dots looking forwards, you can only connect them looking backwards.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so you don't know that until you actually feel and experience the other side.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then going back to like even what we're talking about in the beginning, to kind of bring this all together, is that sometimes you don't actually know what that feels like.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because you've had dysregulation and a lack of safety wired into your nervous system, perhaps since you were born, since you were less than two years old, less than six years old.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: I actually didn't know what safety felt like until maybe like a couple of years ago.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: Time is weird now, but 2020.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: Where were we at in 2023?
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was what, I don't know how old it was.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: 28, 29, I don't know.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say 28 vaguely.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, maybe.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: Until I was 28 years old, I didn't know what a safe nervous system felt like.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's massive.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then we work with the fact that, like, oh, with all this time and space, that can be uncomfortable, right?
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's anchoring safety of like, oh, the addiction to the trauma or the addiction to the cycle, and you know, working with that.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then once you actually have space, that's where everything flows in.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because you actually just have the space for it.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, with that being said, I hope you got a lot of value out of this episode.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed it, I would love for you to share it with friends, family, post it on your Instagram stories, share the message so that other people can learn and really start to heal their nervous systems and bring safety into it.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_00: We are going to leave all the information for safety down below, um, as well as our one on one form if you want to work one on one together, if you're feeling just more called for an intimate container.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: And with that being said, I will talk to you guys in the next episode.