Latest / Questionable Detour / Kidnapping fat people, Fighting your wife in an underground fight club, and dating an Italian prince

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Kidnapping fat people, Fighting your wife in an underground fight club, and dating an Italian prince · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me, what is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour.
0:09
So absurd, so questionable.
0:12
Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
0:15
Expect the detour.
0:24
In all religions, there's a holy land.
0:26
Mm-hmm.
0:27
For Christianity, it tends to be Jerusalem. People go to Jerusalem, go to the prayer wall, see where Jesus walked.
0:35
For Muslims, it's Mecca, and they'll go pray around the big box.
0:39
I assume it's an Amazon box.
0:40
For Evan, he went to the motherland. He went to Germany.
0:45
Where, Evan?
0:46
The place where Evan holds deer.
0:48
Yeah, if you will.
0:50
It's hard to speak of Germany and not fumble off into the ditch of the Holocaust.
0:55
Why don't you just tell us something fun you did in Germany, and we'll tell you if it seems on brand for you.
1:00
Yeah.
1:01
You wore Lederhosen. I saw a picture.
1:03
I did wear Lederhosen.
1:04
How was that? Is that comfortable?
1:05
Not at first, but it breaks in.
1:07
It's because it's leather, right?
1:08
It is leather. It's very thick and coarse.
1:10
I like the two pictures of Germany that you get, which we do have German listeners, and it's not an insignificant amount.
1:16
Yeah.
1:18
Evan should have done a meet and greet while he was there.
1:20
I should have. I was in Munich. Could have met you at Oktoberfest.
1:23
Oh, man.
1:26
Missed opportunity, I guess.
1:28
But I love the two pictures of Germans that you get. On one hand, you get the very stout rule following, the oppressed, you know, the picture Germans that you get.
1:37
On the other hand, you have these cartoonish human beings that wear Lederhosen and go up and yell off a mountain.
1:45
There's no middle ground for Germans. Either they are Nazis or they're cartoon characters.
1:50
Do you think they're trying to double down on the cartoon character thing?
1:53
Yeah, they're trying to lean us back one way. And honestly, it worked. I now just think Germans are silly people.
2:01
Evan had the opportunity to wear pretty much one of two costumes while he was over there.
2:05
You chose right.
2:06
You chose right, I think.
2:07
And then I saw the reason why not to wear the other costume by visiting Dachau.
2:12
Yeah.
2:12
Did you wear Lederhosen there?
2:14
I did not. I wore very traditional American clothing.
2:18
OK, are you going to continue to wear Lederhosen?
2:20
Yeah, I think I'm going to work in like a Lederhosen Friday, kind of how everybody else does casual. I'll do a Lederhosen and just see how it feels.
2:28
That's where it starts, though.
2:30
Before long, it's going to become a Thursday and a Wednesday. Before long, you're just wearing Lederhosen.
2:36
Everything starts off as a as kind of a bit. Then it just it just becomes normal.
2:40
Why didn't you wear it tonight? I'm offended you didn't wear it tonight. You have it here, don't you?
2:46
I have a suitcase. It's still packed away. I haven't unpacked yet.
2:48
Been home a while. Why haven't you unpacked yet?
2:50
I've been home for like two days.
2:52
Seems like a while.
2:53
Don't act like that.
2:54
Don't act like you would unpack immediately.
2:55
I unpack immediately when I get home.
2:57
That's disgusting.
2:58
That's wild.
2:59
No, I don't unpack.
3:00
I don't unpack for two weeks.
3:01
No, the suitcase lays in the floor just because I'm hoping that I'm going to have to take off again.
3:06
Katie gets so mad when I get home and start unpacking.
3:09
If I go ahead and get it done, I don't have to worry about it anymore.
3:11
Well, yeah, I mean, it's definitely more productive and more mature, but I wouldn't say I would say you're in the minority.
3:16
If Evan would have to wear his leaderhose in today, wouldn't be able to do it's going to be wrinkled in a suitcase.
3:21
Does leather wrinkle?
3:22
I don't think so.
3:23
It could theoretically.
3:25
But no, I would never unpack immediately when I get home.
3:28
That's just seems stressful.
3:30
I've been traveling for 22 hours.
3:32
I don't want to immediately go do more work.
3:34
Were you working a lot in that travel?
3:36
I was tired.
3:37
Yeah. How are you working on the plane?
3:39
Is this like a steam engine situation where you're just minding your shoveling coal into the steam engine?
3:45
The plane wouldn't fly without me if I didn't.
3:47
So did you convince people that you're magic?
3:50
What do you wear on planes?
3:51
Is it like a robe and like a really pointy wizard hat?
3:54
Overalls, striped, a black and white striped shirt and then a hat, a nice fluffed hat.
4:00
You know what I mean?
4:01
Like a conductor hat?
4:02
Like a conductor hat, if you will.
4:03
Do people get nervous when you say if something happens to me, this plane will crash?
4:07
I consider them.
4:08
It sounds kind of like a threat.
4:09
Comforted.
4:10
Comforted.
4:11
Yeah, I call it more comforted than threatened or scared.
4:15
I imagine you look like the people on the Titanic, the steam guys.
4:18
More or less.
4:19
When I started the bathroom fire that propels this plane and they say, thank you, conductor Evan.
4:24
Oh, you have a title.
4:26
I like to imagine you do go up and hug every passenger and in their ear you whisper, it's okay.
4:32
I'm keeping you up here.
4:34
You're safe.
4:35
I'm still here.
4:36
You know, you're hugging the person in row A and the person in row B just having to sit there looking at you like, crap, he's coming to me next.
4:43
It's like that awkward situation when like you're the next person about to get hugged or like dapped up.
4:48
You just kind of like have to sit there and wait for them to get to you.
4:51
Yeah, you overthink it.
4:52
You're like, man, I got to give a good hug here.
4:54
Like you start going in too soon.
4:56
You're like, oh, wait, he's not to me yet.
4:57
And then like he finally gets to you and you haven't reacted yet.
5:00
You're like, oh, wait, I got to catch up.
5:01
So you go too quickly into it.
5:03
You miss it.
5:04
Yeah.
5:05
It's tough.
5:06
I think everybody's been there.
5:07
Yeah.
5:08
It's a first world problem.
5:09
Do you do that with hugs?
5:10
Do you overshoot hugs?
5:11
I do sometimes.
5:12
I hug too low, hug too high.
5:13
Yeah.
5:14
Hug a person behind the person you're intending to hug.
5:16
Yeah.
5:17
It's a little awkward because I mean, there's just so many people to hug on that plane.
5:21
There's just so.
5:22
Oh, on the plane.
5:23
Okay.
5:24
I didn't know if you're starting to hug everybody you see.
5:25
Did you ever go up behind the pilot and do like a second set of arms?
5:29
Oh, I'm going to drive the plane.
5:34
What does this button do?
5:35
It's just flipping switches.
5:38
Just clicking stuff, seeing what happens.
5:40
You're like, no, no, I got this.
5:42
I've operated a microwave before.
5:43
I drive a car every day, so I think I can drive a plane.
5:47
When you enter the cockpit of a plane, what kind of confidence level do you have as the
5:52
steam engine operator of that plane?
5:54
Are you immediately like, let me take over these controls?
5:57
I have full confidence in myself, zero in the pilot.
6:00
So I really try to take over everything.
6:04
Ask them how many days have you shoveled coal?
6:07
Tell me how much coal you've shoved.
6:09
They'll say none.
6:10
Yeah.
6:11
Say when was the last time you flew a steam powered airplane?
6:14
They'll say it hasn't been ever.
6:17
And then they'll be like, this plane isn't steam powered either.
6:21
What do you want me?
6:22
What's your response to that?
6:23
I say not that you know of.
6:25
So you don't know enough about the plane that you're flying because there's a full
6:29
fire going on in the back that is propelling this airplane.
6:34
They look outside their cockpit door and it looks like the steam room of the Titanic.
6:39
People are shoveling and it looks like the fire is a mordor.
6:43
There's a glow of fire on the walls.
6:46
Somebody's back there smithing an axe.
6:52
Yeah.
6:53
A bunch of sweaty people, few dwarfs.
6:59
We joke, but they're actually going to be a door back there.
7:03
They're allowed on plane.
7:05
Yeah.
7:06
They didn't have like the long like dreads and a beard when they got on.
7:09
But by the end of it, they did.
7:12
When they started smithing, they started smithing an axe.
7:16
They were like, I got to grow these puppies out.
7:20
There's a bunch of beef cakes back there.
7:24
The pilot's like, holy cow.
7:26
You're right.
7:27
Does he question why it's so homoerotic back there?
7:30
There's a bunch of sweaty men.
7:32
Just an industrial plan of sweaty men in the back of his airplane.
7:38
You and your 1930s steam engine room men.
7:43
I feel like a song would start playing and they start shoveling on beat.
7:47
It turned into some like homoerotic musical.
7:52
I feel like a plane that was solely run off of steam.
7:56
Maybe they get a little tired and they start.
7:58
They stop shoveling the coal at a normal rate and that plane starts like skipping,
8:04
bouncing up and down, sputtering.
8:07
You go back there with a lip and a chair.
8:10
Yeah, there's like gliding at points just trying to get to the next.
8:13
It doesn't get to 30,000 feet.
8:15
I think it gets to 40 feet at best.
8:18
It's taking off tersteeples.
8:22
You got to find a nice cliff to take off from.
8:26
Those are Evan and his merry men right there.
8:30
Welcome to Questionable Detour.
8:32
Let's do some hypotheticals.
8:35
Can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
8:40
I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
8:43
Well, that's a hypothetical question.
8:45
Alright, so for our first hypothetical, we are diving into a situation that everybody's been in.
8:51
Sleepovers, slumber parties.
8:53
Everybody's done that.
8:54
Now, as three grown adult males, we don't do that often anymore, but keyword is often.
8:59
Open to it.
9:00
Still happens.
9:01
Yeah.
9:02
I mean, you fall asleep in somebody's house.
9:04
It's a surprise slumber party, right?
9:06
Let's say it doesn't happen as often as we'd probably like it.
9:09
Right.
9:10
I'm always scratching at somebody's door, hoping they invite me in.
9:13
Zach is always trying to fall asleep at somebody's house, hoping that they'll just let him stay over.
9:18
It's a thin line between a squatter and a slumber party, you know?
9:21
Like, at what point does the slumber party become just squatting at somebody's house?
9:26
But as people who want to do slumber parties more often, why don't we tell people how we handle a slumber party?
9:33
Well, for me, I just like to make it more of a surprise sleepover.
9:38
Yeah, absolutely.
9:39
The best, the best.
9:40
Everybody loves a surprise party.
9:42
Exactly.
9:43
It's more fun that way for me, for everyone involved, because you don't see it coming.
9:48
And it's like, I didn't know this was going to happen tonight, but this is fun.
9:51
I imagine it's very surprising when somebody rolls over at one thirty in the morning.
9:56
It's just you sleeping in their bed.
9:59
After I had originally left their house.
10:01
You came back.
10:03
I came back without them knowing.
10:04
You were invited originally to their house, though.
10:06
Yeah.
10:07
I mean, we had a dinner party.
10:08
Yeah, we had like a dinner party.
10:09
You know, we had some drinks, had some convos, you know, as we say.
10:13
And then, yeah, I left.
10:15
I said, oh, yeah, I see you later.
10:18
Wink wink.
10:19
Yeah, obviously.
10:20
They're like, OK, OK, don't know why you're winking.
10:24
See you later.
10:25
I leave. I walk down like two or three steps.
10:27
I immediately throw my body against the wall outside their house so they can't see me.
10:32
Yeah. You start playing like the James Bond theme song in your head.
10:35
Pink Panther.
10:36
Yeah.
10:38
Looking like I'm about to go steal some jewelry.
10:41
What?
10:42
Put it past you.
10:44
If the opportunity arises.
10:46
They're not going to know it's God.
10:50
They're going to be too worried about why you're in the house to worry about what happened to their jewelry.
10:56
So as they turn the lights off, I am mosey my way back inside.
11:00
Sight unseen.
11:01
How do you get into the house?
11:02
The door is still unlocked.
11:04
Oh, when I just walked out.
11:06
OK. Oh, you seek right back in.
11:08
I see there's not much time in between.
11:12
Of course, I'm the first one there.
11:13
I'm the last one out.
11:14
Yeah, I like to go the distance.
11:16
They think you're a dedicated friend.
11:18
No, you're you're shutting the place down.
11:21
You're looking for a place to sleep.
11:22
I imagine like as they're showing you their house that, you know, maybe it's a housewarming.
11:27
They're giving you a tour.
11:28
You go to their bedroom.
11:29
You start like complimenting their bed.
11:31
You're like, man, that bed looks comfortable.
11:34
Sleeps three, huh?
11:36
King size bed, you say.
11:38
But then he also finds like non-traditional places to sleep like a like a corner, you know, or like a window nook under the sink.
11:47
I bet you could really curl up in that closet.
11:49
Your attic is a livable space.
11:52
Interesting.
11:53
Good to know.
11:54
Anyway, I mosey back in there.
11:55
You say mosey, but the way you make it sound, it has to be very quick to like jump through that door once he's closing it.
12:01
Yeah. If by mosey, of course, I mean sprint.
12:04
Yeah.
12:05
Dash around the agility of a small cat hiding corners.
12:09
I find the dark spots in each room.
12:10
You are the shadow in the night.
12:12
I am. I'm like Batman.
12:13
Do you wear Batman costumes?
12:15
Is that a part of this?
12:16
I wear all black.
12:17
OK.
12:18
And a black ski mask.
12:20
I don't need to be seen.
12:22
I want it to be a surprise.
12:23
Are you doing blackface?
12:25
No, just a black ski mask.
12:27
Unless you have black paint underneath.
12:29
Oh, yeah.
12:30
I mean, I want to make sure it's just like eyeliner.
12:33
It's not it's not the whole face.
12:35
It's just the pieces that the black ski mask doesn't cover, like my nostrils and like my eye holes.
12:41
Just got to make sure I don't want to be seen.
12:44
Where do you keep all your bedding or do you use their bedding?
12:47
I bring my own.
12:48
OK.
12:49
When I first come into the house, I have a backpack. I conveniently leave that.
12:53
Yeah.
12:54
You stashed away some room.
12:55
Oh, I forgot my backpack.
12:57
I say if they ever find me, I was just.
12:59
Under the sink.
13:02
You got your go bag stashed away for in case something goes wrong.
13:06
Cleaning cleaning materials under the sink and she opens it up and you're just sitting there wide eyed.
13:14
You're like, oh, I forgot my bag.
13:15
My bag.
13:16
It was here all along.
13:18
Who knew?
13:19
Never pretend to be a cat.
13:20
Meow.
13:21
Pretend more to be like a cockroach.
13:24
Yeah, scurry.
13:25
Try to get out of light.
13:27
Yeah, scurry up under some hut.
13:29
So you leave your go bag basically in various places around these houses.
13:33
And bedding.
13:34
OK.
13:35
And once everybody the lights are out and everybody's gone to bed, they kind of brush their teeth on their bedtime routine.
13:40
I started to find different places around the house that you get a nice little snooze in.
13:44
Yeah, well, I mean, that's what you're there for.
13:46
Yeah, that's what I'm here for.
13:48
Trying to figure out what places in this house foster the best sleep.
13:51
Get me to that good REM sleep.
13:52
Yeah.
13:53
Looking for the rim.
13:54
So sure.
13:55
I find my way under underneath the spare bed.
13:57
Just see if there's any room under there to catch some quick z's.
14:00
Sure.
14:01
Take a 30 minute power nap just to get me propelled into my next spot.
14:04
Because once you're in the house, you want to take full advantage of it.
14:07
I mean, you want to try every spot, every spot that you can.
14:10
I bet they're confused.
14:11
Like, you know, the next time you see them and you're in their house, you're like, man, that corner over there.
14:15
You can catch some serious rims in that corner.
14:18
I say, buddy, how many sheep you counted in that closet over there?
14:21
Because you can count at least 30.
14:23
Is this guy on LSD? Is he on shrooms?
14:28
You can get to at least 30 sheep in that closet, I swear.
14:32
You ever curled up on top of that washing machine while it's going?
14:36
Lorm.
14:37
Rocky, you're right to bed.
14:39
At what point do you doff your burglar costume and is it just a onesie underneath?
14:45
Do you ever end up in the bed with them?
14:47
Well, yeah, once you've kind of exhausted all the sleeping spots around the house, you get tuckered.
14:51
You're exhausted. You've exhausted the spots.
14:53
I'm exhausted the spots that you're tuckered out from all the sleeping you'd been doing and venturing.
14:59
But you get that burglar suit off and just kind of cozy on in for the night.
15:06
You nestle in there between them?
15:08
Work your way between them and see how this kinks on his back.
15:11
Got some room to it, huh?
15:13
You saying that at full volume?
15:14
Yeah, I say, oh, buddy, zebra onesies.
15:18
Then he can stretch.
15:22
Like half awake going, man, the cat is very warm and very big right now.
15:28
They're hitting me.
15:30
I'm like, let me explore my space.
15:33
Figure out what I got here.
15:35
We need to remember that under the mask that he has, he just has black paint around his mouth, around both eyes and around his nose.
15:44
And that's it.
15:45
And now he's sleeping in these people's bed.
15:47
Yeah, I look like a goth clown.
15:51
Just passed out in a zebra onesie.
15:53
So they wake up.
15:55
They're happy to have me, of course.
15:57
I bet.
15:59
So we all cozy up and we sleep through the night.
16:01
They're like, oh, surprise sleepover.
16:04
Wow.
16:05
They accept you because they're afraid of what happens if they tell you to leave.
16:10
You have a you have an emo clown in there and a zebra onesie.
16:13
You're going our best chance of survival is just to accept the situation where it's just waited out.
16:20
They're just just praying that sun up.
16:26
They start trying to get up at like four and Evans like, no, no, no, no, no, it's not.
16:31
Not yet.
16:35
We go by my biological clack.
16:38
It was going to lay everyone back down.
16:42
You nudge them and go, you can get me some water.
16:45
Well, part of the pancake situation.
16:54
When did you leave the house?
16:55
Is my question like you go through the night, you scope out your various areas, you inevitably
17:00
land in the bed with the owners.
17:03
When do you leave?
17:05
I just like to kind of feel it out.
17:07
Read the room.
17:09
So because you wrote all over the walls.
17:12
Yeah, read the book.
17:14
I wrote all the like I do a table scoring format of all the places.
17:19
Okay.
17:21
Score them out for the people.
17:22
And then I read it off to them.
17:24
Yeah.
17:25
So that they let you write the same thing over and over and over again.
17:28
Yeah, I say all over the walls.
17:30
Sleep is final.
17:31
Sleep is final.
17:32
Sleep is final.
17:33
Sleep is final.
17:34
Just all over this hundred times.
17:37
You sleep when you die.
17:38
You sleep when you die.
17:39
It's all over the room.
17:41
So when that sun comes up and they have the emo clown in their bed, they don't get the
17:47
satisfaction relaxation that they expect from the sun.
17:50
They wake up and it's just crudely written cryptic words all over the wall.
17:55
Death is the deepest sleep.
18:00
Death is the deepest sleep and sleep comes for us all.
18:04
And then I have like the little scoreboard and like tiny in the corner and I have the
18:09
couch.
18:10
Good.
18:11
The closet.
18:12
Fair.
18:13
Fair.
18:14
Yeah.
18:15
Death.
18:16
Hundred out of one hundred.
18:19
Coming.
18:24
Oh, man.
18:25
I guarantee they don't live in the house anymore after that.
18:28
No.
18:29
Yeah.
18:30
They're like, we're going to get out.
18:31
They got to find more places for me to sleep.
18:33
I guess.
18:34
Yeah.
18:35
You follow.
18:36
What's the insidious like the horror movie?
18:38
They're like, it's not your house that's haunted.
18:40
It's you that's haunted.
18:42
And these people are haunted with you.
18:43
Yeah.
18:44
I'm just follow them.
18:45
I'm the demon.
18:46
All right.
18:47
What sleepover do you got?
18:50
What do you do when you invite people over?
18:53
You go over to a slumber party.
18:55
Well, first of all, I don't go over to anybody's house.
18:56
OK, that's for chumps.
18:58
I invite people to mine when they come over.
19:01
I've already got just a series of sleeping bags already laid out on the floor.
19:05
Prepared.
19:06
Yeah.
19:07
They're not getting in a bed.
19:08
My bed is sacred for me.
19:10
They'll sleep in sleeping bags on the floor and right at the entrance of each sleeping
19:14
bag is a little treat like a Rice Krispie treat or a cookie.
19:18
I lure them into the sleeping bags.
19:20
You could have used a different verb like that.
19:25
The worst verb you could have used.
19:29
I can take something that's actually a good idea for a sleepover.
19:33
Make it so bad.
19:35
They're grown people.
19:36
I'm not.
19:37
It's not.
19:38
They're not children.
19:39
Does it make it better?
19:42
Lure.
19:43
It's just regular, good old kidnapping.
19:47
Oh, OK, this is where this is going.
19:51
You lure them into a sleeping bag.
19:55
What happens?
19:56
What happens subsequently?
19:57
People could have just gotten into the sleeping bag.
20:00
That's where you're kidnapping them.
20:02
I'm worried that that they wouldn't get tired quick enough.
20:08
You immediately would they go in head first as most people do into that sleeping bag?
20:13
Do you immediately tie it up like they're in a?
20:15
Uh huh.
20:16
Yeah.
20:17
You just lure them into a cart.
20:18
You're like, well, it's a build disposing of the 101 Dalmatian.
20:24
I've got a I've got an old flatbed truck.
20:29
Street parked on the on the side of the road.
20:31
And that just I haul those those tied up sleeping bags.
20:34
Them all full of people.
20:36
I just haul it over to the truck and throw them in the back and there's a strap around
20:40
like worms.
20:41
They are.
20:42
They are free.
20:44
You can't you can't see them.
20:45
They just look like moving sleeping bags.
20:47
But they're not too upset.
20:50
They have a Rice Krispie treat in there.
20:51
They yeah.
20:52
So like we gave.
20:55
So I gave them food.
20:56
I mean, you know, they've got they've got a nice sugary sugary treat.
21:01
So you hear them screaming, but it's kind of like a all right.
21:04
Let me let me like their mouth is crunching.
21:06
I'm like, you know, I can't tell if that is a scream of, hey, let me out of here or hey,
21:12
man, is this homemade?
21:14
You know, like I don't I don't know if they're just into the end of the dessert or if they're
21:19
afraid.
21:20
You assume they want out to get into the Rice Krispie treat.
21:22
Yeah, they know you're going to give them another one.
21:24
Yeah.
21:25
When you where does this end up?
21:29
So yeah, this is obviously a very well thought out, well thought out experiment we're doing
21:33
here.
21:34
So I drive them.
21:35
It's a it's kind of like a progressive dinner sort of.
21:38
But it's a progressive sleepover like a liberal dinner.
21:40
Yeah.
21:41
Yeah.
21:42
Lots of lots of blue haired people.
21:45
Yeah.
21:46
Lots of lots of blue haired people.
21:47
We got a lot of opinions, a lot of virtue signaling happening.
21:51
But I bring them to this next house and then I let them out of the sleeping bags.
21:56
Oh, that's good.
21:57
And they think, man, well, that was weird.
21:59
But hey, let's just try and get past it.
22:00
Let's have a good time at this new house.
22:02
So we start walking around and there's a lot of beds in this house.
22:05
OK.
22:06
Well, hey, what's is that a chocolate chip cookie on the on the pillar?
22:10
Is this another little luring?
22:12
No, it's not a lure.
22:13
You got to learn by now.
22:14
Yeah, they're not.
22:15
We're not luring them anywhere.
22:16
We've learned from our mistake on that one.
22:18
OK, OK.
22:19
There's a cookie on the bed.
22:20
So they go to the bed and we just strap them down.
22:22
OK, you strap them down.
22:29
You didn't lure you didn't lure them.
22:31
No, they're not.
22:32
They're not lured.
22:33
They came on their own volition, I guess.
22:34
And they saw a cookie and they were like, this is sort of a this is sort of like a.
22:38
You really just kidnapped fat people with bad impulse control.
22:42
Yeah, I don't I don't have skinny people.
22:43
You would get at my sleepover.
22:46
That carry around those sleeping bags full of 300 pound people is probably pretty difficult.
22:50
Yeah, well, I don't like the gym, so I'd rather carry around just a wiggling fat kid, not
22:58
kid a wiggling fat person to get my exercise.
23:05
What people can't see right now is Alan's lawyer over in the corner going, not that
23:09
one.
23:10
Strike it straight.
23:11
He's doing the thing.
23:12
The hand like crosses his throat like he's like, his head is in his hands right now.
23:17
Yeah, it's like I can't we can't recover from this.
23:20
So OK, so you strap them down.
23:23
There's no way you know where this is going, but I'm going to continue after you know,
23:27
you strap them down.
23:28
What what are you doing with these fat people that you have strapped down?
23:33
What I do is I is this like a weird weight loss camp?
23:36
Have you taken these people to a fat camp?
23:39
It's my own personal fat camp.
23:41
I just start yelling at them and just tell them how fat they are.
23:45
I say, boy, you tubby, you just berate them with insults.
23:50
You have them strapped down.
23:52
They can't just just a lot of weight based insults.
23:57
It's weird that you have them strapped down when naturally they're not very quick moving
24:01
people.
24:02
They don't go anywhere.
24:03
No, no, but all the cookies and rice cookies around.
24:05
Clearly, there's a surplus.
24:07
Yeah, I mean, that's that's just to get them there.
24:10
Like you know how when you're trying to quit cigarettes, you know, you probably just smoke
24:14
one every now and then.
24:15
Sir, yeah, I can relate to that when you're trying to quit being fat.
24:18
You probably just eat a cookie every now and then.
24:20
Right.
24:21
That's just good logic, I guess.
24:22
Right.
24:23
But I just I strap them down and I just I just berate them.
24:26
I just tell them you're nobody loves you.
24:29
You're too fat.
24:30
Does the berating help them lose weight or is it the fact you don't feed them?
24:34
Oh, I don't I don't know that it actually works.
24:36
It's just for your entertainment.
24:38
This is this is just this is just for me.
24:41
I'm trying to trying to get a new season of The Biggest Loser on and I'm taking it a different
24:46
route.
24:47
A little more kidnapping than the like than the last show.
24:51
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:54
A little more like taken with Liam Neeson.
24:57
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:59
And saw.
25:00
Yeah, yeah.
25:01
No particular set of skills involved and we're we're not in Europe.
25:06
I mean, you feed them like a bunch of fat rabbits, just giving them some like lettuce
25:11
like it's much on this.
25:12
You just kind of they can't move.
25:13
So it's just you're forcing it in their face and they're they just they just love eating
25:17
so much that eventually they're like, you know, I got to eat this lettuce.
25:20
Yeah, they don't have a choice.
25:21
It's not a it's not a cookie, but it'll do.
25:24
Do you have one of those water bottles that you see on the side of hamster cages that,
25:28
you know, have the have the nozzle that once they kind of start like licking on it, the
25:32
water comes out.
25:33
Yeah, yeah, I have that form, but I also have a hamster wheel, human size hamster wheel.
25:39
Exercise.
25:40
So let them.
25:41
Yeah, I let them out one at a time to just run the wheel.
25:43
I, you know, take a fish and pull a tie cookie to it.
25:47
Let them, you know, run in front of it.
25:48
They never they never get the cookie, but they get a little exercise.
25:51
Do you tell them it powers the oven that bakes the cookies?
25:54
Yeah, there's there always needs to be something to keep them going.
25:58
And at this point in their weight loss journey, just being fit is not enough.
26:03
They need to feel like they're doing something to produce the desserts.
26:07
Do you actually have a bakery run by fat people off of fat people?
26:11
Like what's the point is what I guess is what I'm trying to get to.
26:16
Like it just seems like you have like a cattle farm of fat people that you're just running
26:20
for your own amusement.
26:22
Like what is the what is the product that's being produced here?
26:25
Second question, after you answer that, I also have this question.
26:28
How did you get them here?
26:30
Like how did you get them into your house to kidnap them in the first place?
26:34
So let's answer the first question.
26:35
What's the product that's being produced other than just thinner people?
26:39
Just content.
26:40
I mean, you have an Instagram account.
26:45
Yeah.
26:46
Yeah.
26:47
Follow me at at too many tubbies on Instagram.
26:54
We're posting.
26:56
We're going on Instagram live daily, walking into the rooms and just seeing what everybody's
27:01
up to.
27:02
They're up to nothing.
27:03
They're strapped to a bed.
27:04
They're strapped to a bed sweating and scared.
27:13
Not every day is going to be a progress day.
27:22
Some days are better than others, but the whole point is it's entertaining for you,
27:28
for me and the dozens of followers that subscribe.
27:34
That's subscribe fives and sixes of your followers.
27:38
Well, there you go.
27:40
A content creator.
27:41
OK, well then back to Evan's question.
27:43
How do you do you just lure the people into your quote unquote slumper party?
27:49
How did you first I know you lured them into the sleeping bags, but how did you lure them
27:54
into your house to begin with?
27:56
How did you make sure to only catch the fat ones?
28:00
What filter?
28:01
What very, very wide graded filter did you use?
28:05
I went to the local indoor mall and sat outside of between a GameStop and a Cinnabon.
28:14
And I hit the target demographic that I was looking for.
28:17
You would have gotten the honey.
28:19
I would have been right there in your trap.
28:23
How do you get them to your house?
28:24
Because you're there.
28:25
I assume there's some sort of a bus with a very good suspension involved.
28:29
They have to provide they have to provide their own trains.
28:33
OK, what I tell them is I say, look, this mountain dew is not going to drink itself.
28:37
Like, come on, come on over.
28:38
We're going to we're going to hang out.
28:40
We're going to have a good time.
28:42
Catch some anime.
28:43
Nothing sexual.
28:44
You have nothing that over nothing sexual.
28:46
This is this is completely above board.
28:50
And because they clearly don't have a lot going on, they're they're OK with it.
28:54
They show up.
28:56
So people would call you a predator.
28:58
I think we made it clear it's a content creator.
29:03
Oh, man.
29:05
Well, I don't think of a slumber party.
29:08
You can get away with anything if you're a content.
29:11
Yeah.
29:12
All right.
29:13
Well, here's mine.
29:16
I don't know how I will match or top both of those.
29:19
But here we go.
29:20
So my summer party is also at my house.
29:22
I like having control.
29:24
So I do it in my house.
29:25
And what I do is when I invite somebody over for a sleepover, I walk them through the stages
29:31
of a bad marriage.
29:32
So they enter in and they're almost like a children.
29:36
Think of them as like mine and my wife's children.
29:39
Right.
29:40
Immediately they get in.
29:41
It's the initial part of the slumber party.
29:43
You know, put on little onesie.
29:45
They sit on the couch and me and my wife just start making out.
29:50
It's the initial part of this relationship.
29:52
We're just not even laying down.
29:54
Just just perfect posture.
29:56
Just slobbering on each other like a couple of bullmastiffs.
30:00
Just kissing on.
30:02
We don't say anything to them.
30:03
We haven't said anything since they entered into the house.
30:07
You know, maybe they try to turn away.
30:09
No, no.
30:10
We just move right in front of them.
30:11
They have to watch this.
30:12
Let the boy watch.
30:15
Because they need to see the stages of how a marriage falls apart.
30:21
It starts with good posture.
30:24
It starts with weird, nerdy, good posture kissing.
30:28
So you know, that goes through and you know, they're uncomfortable.
30:32
Maybe she says something that disrespects me.
30:34
I yell a little bit, just a little bit.
30:36
Y'all been with a couple and they start kind of fighting.
30:39
It's tense, right?
30:40
A little awkward.
30:41
Well, it starts to escalate.
30:43
Right.
30:44
They're in their room and they just hear daddy throwing cups at mommy.
30:49
Oh, man.
30:51
See the blue lights coming through their window.
30:54
The police that have just pulled up.
30:57
It escalates quickly.
30:59
It's a bad marriage.
31:02
They had one argument and then domestic abuse.
31:06
I am not.
31:07
I don't handle my anger well.
31:11
You know, they're hearing the yelling and it's just they're sitting on their
31:14
bed, just kind of knees touching and hands in their lap, just listening to the yelling
31:19
going on downstairs.
31:21
You know, I might yell something along the lines of, you know, it's the person upstairs
31:26
that tearing us apart.
31:27
Blame it on them.
31:28
You know, yeah, yeah, we should have never invited him over.
31:33
Things aren't the same as they were before he came here.
31:36
My wife is yelling her whatever women yell in those situations.
31:39
You hear a of a backhand.
31:43
The police are here for this.
31:44
Or you just said the police are here.
31:47
I started to see the police are here.
31:49
They're in on it.
31:50
They're in on the summer party.
31:52
They see you slap your wife.
31:54
They're paying for it.
31:56
It's like a dog fighting ring at this point.
31:58
They're just tossing money down there.
32:00
They're placing their bets.
32:02
Oh, I forgot.
32:04
This is all a performance.
32:05
Nevermind.
32:06
OK, yeah.
32:07
Well, I don't know.
32:08
You frame it as a performance.
32:11
It's a blurred line between art and reality.
32:14
We're doing a slumber party, by the way.
32:15
We have to remember that.
32:16
Yeah, it's summer party.
32:17
The person that is involved in the slumber party comes downstairs and it looks like a
32:21
Korean cockfight ring, man.
32:23
Like it's just me and my wife, just domestic violence on each other, backhands and scratches.
32:29
And you have a bunch of Asians in various races throwing money in the pit.
32:35
There's a guy with a cigarette as a bookie, just counting up the money and writing things
32:40
in his, you know, in his notepad, taking bets.
32:43
But it is all for the experience of this person.
32:48
You know how marriages fall apart.
32:49
They start out good.
32:50
It ends in a in a gambling ring.
32:54
Classic marriage, classic divorce, just two people wailing on each other.
32:59
Just a weeknight for most people, I guess.
33:00
Cockfight.
33:01
And that's where the money problems happen.
33:04
After that ends, we start, me and my wife, in this failed marriage, start arguing about
33:09
money and we talk about how she buys too much makeup and she says, I buy too much bobblehead
33:15
figures.
33:16
You know, I'm a collector.
33:17
I'm a collector.
33:18
And the night's not over.
33:19
I mean, eventually he has to go to sleep crying on his pillow because mommy and daddy are
33:23
fighting again.
33:24
And they're blaming it on him.
33:25
Well, they're blaming it on him.
33:26
Yeah, absolutely.
33:27
They're blaming it on him.
33:28
And the next day, to really finish off the whole experience, they have to come to the
33:33
courthouse with us to be there with the divorce proceedings.
33:37
They have to be there as we fight over custody of this poor person that has had been asleep
33:41
over.
33:42
Do you make them choose which one they want to go with?
33:44
Yeah, yeah.
33:45
You know, the judge is like, we'll have the child choose.
33:47
But this is like a 45 year old man.
33:49
The night before, do you go through the whole thing of like one person won't sign the papers
33:53
and then I'll kind of make them sign the paper?
33:55
You know, lots of yellow sign the papers.
33:57
It's sitting there on the table, paper tearing and stuff like that.
34:01
Do you and your wife pull the kid aside each individually and bad mouth the other?
34:05
Yeah, I mean, we're like, you know how your mom is and she's good for nothing.
34:10
Good for nothing.
34:11
Good for nothing.
34:12
That woman, she comes in right after I leave, like literally right after I leave.
34:16
It's a weird like line that just kind of switches back and forth.
34:19
It's like you exit while she's coming in.
34:21
OK.
34:22
Oh, hey, Linda.
34:23
And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:26
And we both bad mouth each other right in front of each other.
34:29
It's great.
34:30
It's like so much fun.
34:34
And by the end of the court proceedings and stuff, we signed the papers.
34:38
You know, she gets half my stuff and you get to go with her.
34:42
You get to live with Linda.
34:46
And you can't leave because it's legally binding.
34:49
She's your at some point.
34:51
Did you adopt this kid?
34:52
No, I guess technically by kid, we mean the full adult.
34:59
But I mean, he's still in a onesie legally.
35:02
I guess you could call it an option because legally he has to go with Linda.
35:05
So there's only one kid at this sleepover.
35:07
It's hard to get one person.
35:10
Yeah.
35:11
I mean, me and Linda didn't want more than one kid.
35:13
The one kid's already torn us apart.
35:17
They say it's always the kids fault.
35:19
That's what I tell them to.
35:21
It's your fault.
35:22
Linda's over there.
35:23
If maybe if we just have one more, it would fix everything.
35:27
This marriage, they all ever almost make up.
35:30
Yeah.
35:31
It's a roller coaster.
35:33
Lots of fight and lots of making out right in front of the person.
35:37
I go and it happens instant.
35:39
There's a making out and then also I just detached and haul off and slap her.
35:45
When you go to the making out, do you go to stiff back again?
35:48
Yeah.
35:49
Very good posture.
35:51
Very, very sloppy kisses.
35:54
Like two bookends kissing.
35:58
Like two rulers making out.
36:09
And then in an instant, it's just right back to me backhanded.
36:14
She just breathes in a weird way and pops.
36:18
I send one across her bow.
36:21
She takes a foot to the chest, breaking a bottle over like you're christening a ship.
36:31
Oh man.
36:35
How does it all end?
36:38
It ends with one of us owning the child or one of us owning the grown adult that we have
36:44
pretended is a child.
36:46
So this performance has been lifelong.
36:48
It started as a performance, now you're both just a porch.
36:52
The slumber party is a continual thing.
36:54
Oh man.
36:56
Yeah.
36:57
Domestic violence.
36:58
Hilarious.
36:59
But that, I mean that's mine personally.
37:01
That's how I handle slumber parties.
37:03
It's a dinner and a show.
37:04
I tell you, it's one they won't forget.
37:07
That's for sure.
37:08
I think I'm just going to stay away from your house just to be safe.
37:11
Like in general.
37:12
If you want a family.
37:16
Not one with you.
37:17
Yeah.
37:18
I don't want to be the guy that shows up to the cock fighting ring, but I don't want
37:21
to be the person coming over.
37:23
I'll throw some money in the ring, but I don't think I'm going to go to your house near sundown.
37:31
Keep it during the day.
37:32
There you go.
37:34
If anybody wants to come over and stay the night with us, you're welcome to.
37:38
All right.
37:39
So our next segment is a Craigslist.
37:42
So let's jump into that.
37:44
Craigslist has got what you need.
37:47
Craigslist needs what you got.
37:48
All right.
37:49
So for today's Craigslist, got somebody looking for love and who's not looking for love, you
37:54
know, should we judge him for going to Craigslist looking for love?
37:58
Yes.
37:59
I mean, if 100% if you know, and sometimes you just don't have luck out in the real world.
38:05
So you have to go on an outdated site looking, just shooting your shot out into the abyss.
38:11
Right.
38:12
The same place that you would go to buy a old used Bush hog.
38:16
A mound of dirt.
38:17
All right.
38:19
The original post reads like this, Italian prints looking for love.
38:23
A good guy is hard to find, but here I am looking for my special someone to spend the
38:30
rest of my life with.
38:32
Very heartfelt post right there, guys.
38:34
Nice man looking for love.
38:36
All right.
38:37
So I initially write him.
38:38
I say, hi, I saw you were an Italian prince.
38:42
I would love to get to know royalty.
38:44
How are you winky face, you know, little flirty.
38:46
I don't know how it is.
38:47
You know how a grown man talks to another grown man.
38:50
Such a such a tease.
38:52
Oh, he responds to my little flirty initial message.
38:56
Hello.
38:57
I am well.
38:58
Thank you.
38:59
Yes.
39:00
I would love to get to meet you and introduce you to my circle.
39:03
I hope we can share some photos.
39:05
My palace is in Astoria.
39:07
Hope you can accept my invitation to perhaps enjoy the afternoon slash evening slash night
39:14
together.
39:15
Oh, it's a big list.
39:17
Presumptuous thinking you're going to spend half the day.
39:19
You get to pick one of those or you have to pick all of them.
39:23
Sounds like it's a guaranteed all of the above.
39:25
Yeah.
39:26
What do we think the circle is?
39:28
Yeah.
39:29
Is it a bullfighting ring?
39:30
Right.
39:31
Like that or like his fire ring in his backyard.
39:34
I'm thinking it's like his AA meeting, maybe.
39:36
I mean, the first date he's just like, Hi, my name is Italian Prince.
39:42
This is this is Zach.
39:45
Isaac.
39:46
But where do we think a story is?
39:48
And he said he says he has a palace in Astoria.
39:52
Sounds like like just a fictional country.
39:54
Yeah, it does.
39:55
Well, no one calls himself an Italian prince and doesn't say they live in a palace.
39:59
Well, I continue to him saying that I would love to meet your circle or any other shapes
40:03
you own.
40:06
I like a man with shapes and in shape.
40:08
I'm no square.
40:10
I'll stay the night with you.
40:12
Maybe you can tell me about yourself.
40:13
Winky face.
40:14
Really flirty.
40:15
I didn't know that about you.
40:17
Kind of a slut.
40:20
He continues.
40:21
Love your reply.
40:24
You are smart and surely fun princess.
40:27
I am forty five years old from Florence and moved here twenty years ago.
40:32
I'm five eleven, two hundred pounds.
40:36
Squatty guy.
40:38
I love to ride dot dot dot motorcycles and P strong arm emoji, strong arm emoji, monkey
40:48
covering his eyes emoji, kissy face emoji, heart emoji, sees tough look for our guy.
40:54
It is Craigslist.
40:56
I hope you like what you see here attached and hope to get a photo from you soon as well.
41:01
Baki.
41:02
What is Baki?
41:03
Baki.
41:04
B-A-C-I.
41:05
Is that an Italian word?
41:11
I don't know Italian.
41:12
What is Baki?
41:13
Sounds like how an old man would say chewing tobacco.
41:15
They call it Baki.
41:18
Spit that Baki at your mouth.
41:21
Wait before we continue, Evan does a great Italian accent.
41:25
Not this again.
41:26
And we need him to read.
41:28
I think we need to get him to read this Italian prince.
41:31
So we get a full authentic feel of what this this Italian prince sounds like.
41:37
I loved your reply.
41:40
You are so smart and a surely fun prince.
41:45
I am forty five years old.
41:47
I recently from Florida.
41:49
I moved here twenty years ago.
41:54
I am five eleven.
41:58
Two hundred pounds.
42:01
I love the rap.
42:04
Most like.
42:07
I hope you like what you see here attached.
42:14
I hope you get a photo from you soon as well.
42:19
Baki.
42:21
Baki.
42:23
I don't know what Baki means.
42:24
I'm so scared for you to scroll down on this picture.
42:27
Look at that message he sent a picture so we're hopefully about to see a five eleven
42:31
two hundred pound man.
42:32
All right.
42:33
So first picture.
42:34
Happy smiling guy.
42:35
Oh oh.
42:38
Nipples hard as diamonds.
42:41
Sweat pouring from his body.
42:44
He just ran a marathon and a button up.
42:48
What is he doing?
42:50
Sweaty nipples hard as diamonds.
42:52
Look at the look at the buttons on his shirt man.
42:55
They're hanging on for dear life.
42:56
That's because his nipples are just absolutely six feet out from his body.
43:01
He's got a mining tool attached to his chest.
43:05
What do you think he was thinking when he was like I'm going to send her the sweaty
43:10
shirt.
43:11
He looks like he's about to joust with his nipples.
43:13
Yeah dude his nipples his nipples are ridiculous.
43:16
It looks like he has two thumb tacks hiding under a shirt.
43:19
Did he just type that message out and get sweaty?
43:23
We sent a sweaty picture to this far down.
43:27
It's so sweaty.
43:29
It goes down to his belly button.
43:31
Anyway he sent another couple pictures here.
43:33
Got one got maybe like a fedora hat on classy classy.
43:37
Oh here we go.
43:39
Got a picture of his motorcycle.
43:42
Glad that's the only thing he sent that he likes to ride.
43:44
Yeah.
43:45
Then his next picture got him in a suit in a restaurant.
43:49
All the other pictures look fairly normal except for sweaty nipple.
43:52
I mean he really came out of the gate hard with that first one you know.
43:57
Really should have sent that one last.
43:59
Or maybe not at all.
44:02
We gotta say one thing about the Italian Prince though.
44:04
He is confident.
44:05
He looked at that picture of the protruding nipple and covered in sweat and he said this
44:10
is one of my better ones.
44:12
This is the lead off picture.
44:14
The best representation of me.
44:15
Alright I respond to him after all those pictures.
44:18
I said wow you are handsome.
44:20
I love a man with a motorcycle and prominent nipples.
44:27
I would love to know what kind of dates you would take me on.
44:31
As a normal good girl would.
44:33
Know more about what you're getting into.
44:34
Exactly.
44:35
And he responds.
44:36
Thank you.
44:37
Well it depends on your looks and what you like.
44:40
When you are happy I will be happier.
44:43
What a selfless guy.
44:45
What a nice guy.
44:49
When you're happy I'll be happier.
44:51
I continue.
44:52
You will like the way I look.
44:54
Sounds like a Joseph A. Bank commercial.
44:58
I have what every man wants.
44:59
All four limbs.
45:01
Maybe you can tell me what rustles your jimmies and we can figure it out.
45:05
What we both like.
45:07
Winky face.
45:08
Very flirtatious.
45:09
We'll do a very flirtatious face.
45:11
He wasn't sweating before he's sweating now.
45:14
He responds I love girls with every longs and parts in places.
45:20
What does that mean?
45:21
I don't know what that means.
45:22
Every longs and parts in places.
45:25
I am very open minded and would love any ethnicities and beautiful eyes, hair, breasts and behinds.
45:33
I love to be a prince although I don't own or can't share any crowns of jewelry.
45:39
Right.
45:40
Yeah.
45:41
I love good wines, food and hopefully your surely gorgeous body.
45:47
But now I'm very curious.
45:49
Do you like to ride on motorcycles?
45:51
Baki.
45:52
It's Baki again.
45:55
He does kind of write these emails like he's doing a letter.
45:58
Yeah.
45:59
He's just signing off Baki.
46:00
Baki.
46:01
Okay.
46:02
Do we believe he's a prince when he's like I'm a prince but I can't give you anything
46:05
you know?
46:06
Yeah.
46:07
This should be red flag right there.
46:08
I'm a prince but with none of the perks.
46:10
Also tip to guys.
46:13
When you're talking about eating and feasting don't add I would like to feast on your gorgeous
46:17
body.
46:18
Yeah.
46:19
That does sound like a Buffalo Bill situation.
46:23
I continue.
46:24
I'm so happy you are a prince.
46:25
I can't wait to wear a crown and look down on the peasants of the land.
46:30
You will have to take me back and show me your castle.
46:32
I hope to meet the king.
46:34
It's good you love eyes, hair and boobies and not only do you love the front you love
46:39
the behind as well.
46:41
I've never ridden a motorcycle.
46:42
I want to though my brother was killed in a motorcycle accident.
46:47
He did not see the semi truck coming and hit it head on.
46:51
Let me tell you he popped like a water balloon.
46:54
That trucker will never be the same.
46:56
He is probably still cleaning all out the guts from his engine.
46:59
Yeesh.
47:00
Anyway if you can promise to not crash I would love to ride your motorcycle with you as you
47:05
take me back to your place for cheese and wine and royalty.
47:10
You are flirty.
47:12
You obviously did not read the message about the I can't share any jewels with you.
47:16
Yeah and I kind of over shared about my whole brother getting splattered on a semi truck.
47:21
I wanted to be vulnerable.
47:23
You know.
47:24
That's important.
47:25
I agree.
47:26
It's important.
47:27
And maybe a little too much.
47:28
Yeah.
47:29
That's too much for one person to hold on to.
47:30
Right.
47:31
It's going to get the family secret out of the way.
47:33
You know just show them I'm honest.
47:34
He continues.
47:35
Now I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.
47:37
We could start with you riding on my scooter much more comfy and safer as it doesn't go
47:44
very fast.
47:45
At this point though I really would love to see whom I'm having this lovely chat with
47:49
and hopefully we can meet this evening.
47:52
Presumptuous.
47:53
Also don't start me on this scooter.
47:55
I am a big girl.
47:56
Let me ride a motorcycle or nothing.
47:59
And he sends a picture of his scooter.
48:03
And his galoshes.
48:04
Is he wearing galoshes in this picture.
48:05
I don't know what those are.
48:06
I respond.
48:07
Wow.
48:08
You look totally sick on that.
48:09
I bet you can do a backflip.
48:11
On the scooter or just like in general.
48:16
At the pool.
48:17
You know.
48:18
Yeah.
48:19
I love your shoes in that picture.
48:20
I love shoes that have absolutely no ventilation in them.
48:23
That way there's no air circulation on your feet.
48:26
Those shoes remind me of something Batman would wear.
48:29
And I love superheroes.
48:30
What do you carry around in your backpack?
48:33
Well your crown right?
48:36
He responds.
48:37
Wow.
48:38
Thank you.
48:39
You are gorgeous.
48:41
And yes your crown.
48:43
I love shoes as well.
48:44
But mostly taking them off of my princess.
48:47
I really would love to meet you soon.
48:50
Perhaps today.
48:51
Hope to do not be too direct.
48:55
And it fell apart in the last sentence.
48:57
First of all gross.
48:58
Yeah.
48:59
Yeah.
49:00
Really you know.
49:01
Again.
49:02
You know.
49:03
Flirt by saying I want to take off your shoes.
49:05
Don't lead with the foot thing.
49:06
Like you can grow.
49:07
You can build to that later on.
49:10
But just don't just don't come out of the gate with it.
49:12
Yeah.
49:13
Yeah.
49:14
Once they get escape you know.
49:15
Once they're hooked on those jewels and crowns and stuff you're giving them.
49:20
I respond.
49:21
I can't today because of my doctor appointment.
49:23
I have an aggressive tapeworm situation.
49:26
Let's get together tomorrow.
49:29
How aggressive?
49:32
You know aggressive tapeworm situation.
49:35
How aggressive though?
49:39
How much control does the tapeworm have over the body?
49:43
Is it typing right now?
49:45
He responds.
49:46
Oh I see.
49:47
Sorry to hear.
49:48
Sorry to hear.
49:49
Sorry to hear.
49:50
Sorry to hear about your aggressive tapeworm situation.
49:56
He didn't even finish it.
49:57
He just says sorry to hear.
49:58
He didn't even bother regurgitating that information.
50:00
I don't want to say that.
50:02
He didn't want to recount that.
50:04
He says yes tomorrow it's perfect for me.
50:06
What time works best for you and may I ask where you live.
50:10
Thank you.
50:11
A little direct but I mean I guess it makes sense.
50:13
I respond.
50:14
Well you didn't hear about the whole shoes situation but if you want to take mine off
50:19
you should know that I'm missing three toes due to diabetes.
50:21
You said earlier you have all your limbs but you didn't say anything about your toes.
50:25
That is true.
50:26
I miss it I have seven toes and a tapeworm what every guy wants.
50:31
At least one tapeworm.
50:33
I feel like if you've got one there's a good possibility you've got a couple.
50:37
Yeah it doesn't end with one.
50:39
I continue with anytime tomorrow you name it and I'll be there and I live in New York
50:44
City.
50:45
Way to narrow that down.
50:49
Knocking on every door.
50:50
Let me wear specific there.
50:52
He continues.
50:53
Oh wow sorry to hear about your condition.
50:56
How does 5 p.m. sounds.
50:59
He says how would you get here but tomorrow it's raining and can't come to pick you up.
51:04
I am and he gives his address in Astoria.
51:08
First of all how does he know it's raining.
51:10
Is he a fortune teller.
51:12
Maybe he can just look at a weather forecast.
51:14
Yeah I don't know.
51:15
He is a middle-aged man so there's a good chance he knows the weather forecast.
51:20
But also just because it's raining he can't pick you up.
51:23
Just because all he has is motorcycles and a scooter.
51:26
Does he own a real vehicle.
51:28
Also not a good show for him.
51:30
Not going hey you know would he come if I said come to my place.
51:34
Would he then go okay I'll brave the weather.
51:36
Yeah probably.
51:37
I think this guy's willing to do just about anything.
51:39
Not pick me up apparently.
51:41
It's fine I mean you know Silverie's dead apparently.
51:44
I continue.
51:45
Sounds great.
51:47
Can I have my brother bring me.
51:50
He supports my efforts to become a princess now that I found my prince he will be so happy.
51:55
I would love to hear more about you.
51:57
Do you think he notices the contradiction.
51:59
The dead brother.
52:00
I mean I guess I could have more than one brother but the only time I've ever brought
52:04
up a brother is when he got splattered on an 18-wheeler.
52:07
Maybe he's bringing you in spirit you know.
52:11
He continues.
52:12
Well would you have a phone number so we can chat.
52:15
I respond.
52:16
Do you not enjoy using emails.
52:18
I like using emails.
52:20
It's a fetish of mine.
52:22
Winky face.
52:23
Hey don't judge.
52:25
Okay I don't mind.
52:27
What else can I tell you about me.
52:28
I'm single with no kids love nature and have a drama free life and you would you have another
52:33
couple pics of you.
52:34
I respond.
52:35
I had a couple kids but I had to give them back.
52:39
I love long walks on the beach with my seven toes in the sand.
52:44
I love dogs.
52:45
Not all dogs though.
52:46
I don't like the dark ones.
52:48
They remind me of the demons.
52:51
I love all foods but not some food.
52:56
Sometimes I sleep walk and take off my clothes and recite the Gettysburg Address.
53:00
It's my favorite song.
53:04
I love collecting hotel do not disturb door signs and then place them all over my house
53:09
in an effort to send the message to the voices.
53:13
You know normal people stuff.
53:15
No drama at all.
53:16
She doesn't like drama folks.
53:19
That's why she has do not disturb door signs you know keep the demons away and the drama
53:23
away.
53:24
He continues.
53:25
Oh wow I see no drama at all.
53:28
Me I see more pics of yours.
53:30
Thank you.
53:31
He left off the email signature no more Baki.
53:32
No more Baki.
53:33
Thank you.
53:34
I continue.
53:35
I'm afraid I can't take pictures at the moment.
53:37
I met the doctor where they were moving my tapeworm.
53:40
I have name Ritz.
53:42
Ritz?
53:43
Ritz the tapeworm.
53:46
Like the cracker?
53:49
No the hotel.
53:51
The hotel yeah.
53:52
Because that's what your body was.
53:54
Yeah my body is the Ritz of the tapeworm.
53:57
Yeah like that seven toed body is a five star hotel.
54:03
Oh man but he didn't respond to that.
54:07
Finally too much for him.
54:08
Yeah.
54:09
But you know what it's like you always say Zach if you can't take handle me with my tapeworm
54:13
you don't deserve me.
54:14
But you know what you leave that one for the one liner wisdom at the end.
54:23
Oh man well there you go Italian Prince.
54:26
I'm available still.
54:28
You know me and Ritz.
54:29
You still have Ritz?
54:30
Yeah he's in a jar.
54:33
Looking for love.
54:34
I hope he found somebody.
54:36
Baki if you're listening just let us know you obviously didn't find us.
54:41
We found you.
54:42
Let us know if you found anybody else maybe a ten toed person.
54:46
Somebody with two living brothers.
54:50
And somebody that isn't ridden with parasites.
54:53
And let's also suggest some ventilated shoes like the croc.
54:59
I think that would work very well for you.
55:04
Alright let's do the tradition of a one liner wisdom.
55:07
Evan what you got?
55:08
I was talking to my wife while we were traveling the other day.
55:11
That's good.
55:12
We were there for about a week and a half.
55:14
It's good you talked to her.
55:15
I finally talked to her.
55:17
Day five of the trip.
55:20
And we were talking about the one liner wisdoms that we were doing and she was like wait so
55:24
y'all just like come up with those like on the spot while you're there.
55:27
Yeah we're very talented.
55:28
I'm like yeah it really is just like a stream of consciousness like you don't really think
55:32
about it.
55:33
Yours are.
55:36
And she was like that was stressing me out.
55:38
I don't know how you do that.
55:39
So she was like I'm gonna come up with something for you.
55:42
So I got some Savannah.
55:45
Yeah listen to no Savannah.
55:46
She's been on a couple of times.
55:47
One liner wisdom number one.
55:49
If an otter can live with two hands so can you.
55:54
When the plane flies the sun will rise.
55:58
She said it rhymes so you know that it's important.
56:01
Yeah that's true.
56:02
That sounds like a modern day like Native American saying.
56:06
And then number three is when in Rome.
56:09
Oh OK.
56:10
That one's already been established like another saying.
56:12
Yeah.
56:13
Well thank you Savannah for your three my one liner wisdoms.
56:16
Is that taking your place.
56:17
Yeah that's my place for this.
56:19
OK.
56:20
Thank you for Savannah for your one liner wisdoms.
56:21
All right Alan one liner wisdom for it.
56:23
Can you top Savannah.
56:24
I don't know how I'm how I'm going to top that.
56:28
Never try to box a mailbox.
56:30
It's a one liner for a reason.
56:33
That makes sense.
56:34
Don't box a mailbox.
56:36
That's good.
56:37
They can fight back.
56:38
Now ship you out.
56:40
Oh there you go.
56:42
A couple couple of wisdoms for the Saturday workers.
56:45
But that's it.
56:46
Um you have a hypothetical question you want us to answer.
56:49
Have some advice that you need.
56:52
The three wisest people will be here for you.
56:54
Quest some little detour podcast at gmail dot com.
56:56
Write us in.
56:57
Tell us what you need.
56:58
But that's it guys.
56:59
You want to be done.
57:00
VMon when you ask them to d-d-d survice for none of the part in a
57:11
warehouse now.
57:12
Aunt is not asking.
57:13
Hahaha just a couple for Plus.
57:17
I don't care.
57:19
I've been getting the playbook for five days and about ten.
57:23
Put it all out in IRD of 1D.