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Why Do You Get Triggered? · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm truly honored and blessed that you would you'd spend some time listening to this podcast.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And today's topic, which is all around this term of being triggered.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does it actually mean to be triggered?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're talking about it in context of feeling a certain way, what what we're saying of being triggered is that an experience that you are having in the present moment is actually potentially bringing up past pain or experience from a previous time.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: So it can feel like you're having a really strong emotional reaction to something that's happening in the present moment that may not actually feel like it's in proportion.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, um, if you are um, you know, you're at the grocery store, or no, I'm sorry, let's just say, for example, you ask your partner to bring home something from the grocery store, they forget, and you have a very strong reaction to the thing that you to the fact that they forgot to buy the item at the grocery store.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: That could potentially be an example of a trigger because out of nowhere you're feeling overwhelmed with from this this feeling you're feeling overwhelmed from the fact that your partner forgot to buy something at the store that you had requested.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: When we think about this, we could just ask ourselves, is it because my partner forgot the thing at the grocery store, or is there something deeper which is causing me to make such a big deal about this?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're thinking about those feelings, those really big feelings, we will, as adults, for instance, we will typically become triggered by experiences that we're having in the present moment that remind us of unprocessed experiences or old painful feelings from the past.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So again, going back to this example, you might feel really sad or really angry that your partner forgot something at the grocery store.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: But really, what that is is it's because it's triggering maybe an old hurt or an old pain or experience, or an old pain from an experience of maybe being forgotten or or something uh that felt more um traumatic from an earlier time in your life.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, you might get angry when you think you're being told um what to do because in the past maybe you felt controlled.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I've seen this with clients who are now in a new relationship and they get triggered by something that their new partner says to them because they were in a toxic relationship before, and something that their partner says to them in the present day creates this trigger to a past painful experience that they had in a previous relationship, and they end up feeling really over overwhelmed by the feeling, and they might even overreact.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, you might find yourself panicking in a situation that um that you feel like you have no control over because maybe something from your past led you to feel helpless.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what we're referring to when we talk about triggers, it's about something that happens in this moment that creates this feeling and it brings it up from the past.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's the saying that the the body the body keeps the score.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's because our bodies actually also remember experiences.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: So even if we are in present day and something happens, our body will remember it, it'll get triggered, it'll feel that feeling from before, and suddenly we feel like we're right back there.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Which is kind of leads us into why it what we you know, the question of like, you know, well, what what's the problem with triggers?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why why do they feel so bad?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's because when we are triggered, not only do we have an emotional reaction, but our body is having a reaction to it as well.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: So we've got this emotional reaction, we've got a body reaction, our cognitive mind starts spinning, and we go into protection mode.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: We go into fight or flight, perhaps, and that just doesn't feel so good.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, our adrenaline is off the roof, we're really just trying to survive, our stress hormones are going crazy, and so that does not feel feel good.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we how do we deal with this?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And and one of the things that we talk about in coaching a lot is to start to identify, start to identify our triggers, start to identify the things that could potentially take us back to those those experiences with those old feelings that might not have been processed.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so the very first thing that I often say to my clients, which is pay attention to what your body's doing, because there will be, you know, sometimes it's not easy to notice it and we don't notice it until after we're spinning out.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the things that we that we really, if we can come to terms with is that, yes, our body remembers things, our body holds on to memories.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so if we can pay attention to those internal shifts that are happening within us, what is our body doing?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do we suddenly feel tense?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good indicator that something is happening to us, that we're on this heightened sensory overload, that we might be entering into a dysregulated state.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so we just, if we can shift our awareness, because once we're aware of it, we bring something from the unconscious to the conscious.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now we actually start to be able to make choices about what we want to do.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: The second part of it, when we are triggered, is to name the feelings.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us, when we're triggered, we just try to run in the other direction.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let's avoid it, let's not talk about it, let's kind of try to put it back in its box.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, what we could do is to just notice how we're feeling.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Notice how you felt when you were triggered.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Did you feel sad?
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  SPEAKER_00: Did you feel angry, anxious, upset?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and how did my body feel in the moment?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: How did those two things, you know, how was I feeling both emotionally, like from a mental standpoint, and how was my body feeling from a physical standpoint?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Bring that up into the consciousness.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, if you are feeling sad, you might feel really heavy in your chest.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And paying attention to that.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're anxious, you might start feeling this knot in the pit of your stomach.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Naming both of those things.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling worried, I'm feeling, you know, whatever that feeling is, name it, give it its name, and then also notice where your body's holding it and name that place too.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when we can get to going to down to the next step, which is really starting to get to the understanding, getting to curiosity and compassion with the trigger, asking yourself questions around it.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, now that I'm feeling this way, both I'm naming the feelings from an emotional standpoint as well as from a physical standpoint, when did I experience this before?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you where could I could this be coming from?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when when have I had a similar feeling from an emotional standpoint as well as from a physical standpoint?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: What was happening then?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what thoughts are coming up with these emotions?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: What, you know, because and I've said this before, thoughts and emotions are very closely intertwined.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Many times we'll have a thought which leads to an emotion, or sometimes we have an emotion which then leads to a thought.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just recognizing what thoughts are coming up with the emotion and recognizing is there a specific time from a past, whether it was from childhood or just earlier, where you have been able to, or when you can identify that you've you've experienced this before.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then we just really have to go into this place of regulation because really what's happening when we're triggered is we become dysregulated.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: So taking a moment to just pause and take that deep breath, pay attention to your inhalations and your exhalations.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, give yourself permission to be present in the moment and in your body.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you once you're there, maybe getting out a piece of paper and taking some time to just write out what's happening for you, journal it, you know, let it out.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Give yours you give your brain an output channel and come to this place of real compassion with yourself.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I talk about self-compassion a lot on this podcast and just in general when any of the other podcasts that I've had the privilege of guesting on and being compassionate with oneself and offering oneself kindness and recognizing that these are your feelings are valid.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: We oftentimes um uh we'll we'll kind of push our feelings aside, and we have to recognize is that all feelings are valid.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: All behaviors are not valid, but all feelings are valid.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's about giving ourselves the opportunity to accept the feelings that are coming up for us and giving ourselves the opportunity to slow down and to get into a regulated state from this dysregulated state.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you find that you would like to chat about this topic or anything else where you might feel that coaching would be of benefit to you, definitely feel free to reach out to me at any time at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.