Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 94. How to co-regulate without losing yourself as a parent with Tracy Adams

Transcript

94. How to co-regulate without losing yourself as a parent with Tracy Adams · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

0:00
Welcome back to the All Figured Out podcast.
0:02
My name is Andrea Barr. Thank you so much for joining me
0:05
for another episode this week. I got to sit down with Tracy
0:08
Adams, who is an amazing occupational therapist.
0:11
She's an educator, she's a mom, and she's just a very lovely,
0:16
wonderful human being. We had a really cool
0:20
conversation about parenting, healthcare, the system, as in
0:24
the healthcare system, the education system, and everything
0:28
in between. Tracy became a mom in that early
0:30
days of the pandemic and she experienced being basically on
0:35
the front lines of the healthcare during the pandemic,
0:38
and she's extremely passionate about supporting families and
0:43
just helping them cope and enjoy life better, more, whatever you
0:47
want to say. We talk about in this episode
0:50
occupational therapists and what they actually do because I think
0:52
a lot of people don't know what they do, myself included.
0:55
I actually learned a lot in this episode and I've been friends
0:58
with Tracy for a bit now. We also talked about how sensory
1:01
profiles can impact yours or your children's day-to-day life
1:05
and why Co regulation is so important, but also potentially
1:09
needs to rebrand because it's again, another kind of confusing
1:12
word. Tracy breaks down how
1:14
understanding your own needs and your child's needs can really
1:16
shift everything. We also just talk about, you
1:19
know, strategies and ways. Just find a bit more calm in
1:23
some of the chaos that you might feel some feelings around
1:26
irritability or overwhelm, especially being working
1:29
parents. So if you've ever felt confused
1:31
by the healthcare system, overwhelmed by parenting
1:34
expectations, or just unsure about how to help your child and
1:37
yourself at the same time, then this episode is definitely for
1:41
you. Enjoy.
1:45
You're listening to the All Figured Out podcast.
1:47
I'm your host, Andrea Barr. I'm a career coach for parents,
1:52
mom of two, and a self-proclaimed expert at
1:55
winging it. After 10 years in the corporate
1:58
world, two major career pivots, and navigating life with kids,
2:01
I've learned one thing. No parent has it all figured
2:04
out, and that's OK. Here, we're all about growing
2:08
personally and professionally while keeping family time
2:11
sacred. You'll get practical tips,
2:13
career strategies and musings on life, plus guest experts to help
2:17
us fill in the gaps. So grab a coffee or hide in your
2:20
car for some anytime. We're about to figure out this
2:23
work, life and parenting stuff out together.
2:28
OK, third times the charm. Tracy Adams, welcome to the All
2:32
Figured Out podcast. Thanks for having me.
2:35
Thanks for being here. We've said this three times.
2:40
There must be magnets in the world right now.
2:42
Big tides and low tides, full moon.
2:45
I don't know, some happening, but this is our third time
2:47
recording the first couple minutes of this.
2:48
So, you know, I think it's going to get better each time.
2:52
So pleased to have you here, Tracy.
2:54
You are a fantastic service provider as an occupational
2:58
therapist. I know you've studied
2:59
kinesiology. I know that you have a million
3:01
certifications and there's so much that I'm, I want to ask you
3:06
about today, including things to do with occupational therapy.
3:10
First question will be what is an occupational therapist?
3:12
And we're going to talk about Co regulation and parenting and
3:16
being a working parent and all the things.
3:18
But before we even get into any of that, I am super curious to
3:23
hear about your experience into becoming a mother.
3:27
I bet before even becoming a mother you've worked with lots
3:30
of families and parents and then you yourself had the experience
3:33
of joining this club. So tell us a bit about your
3:35
story into becoming a mother. Yeah, for sure.
3:40
So I was one of kind of my group of friends that had kids later
3:44
on in life. You know, I had gone to school
3:46
and gone to grad school and then wanted to travel.
3:49
And so I'm really supported to do that, which was great.
3:52
And then when we decided to have a family, you know, COVID kind
3:57
of happened. So I did a lot of like
4:00
upskilling, learning about what it was to be pregnant through
4:04
COVID and then parenting through COVID through isolation and
4:07
things. So but that was kind of my
4:09
journey for the last, you know, four years, still figuring it
4:13
out and things are getting better and better.
4:15
But yeah, that's kind of where I'm at.
4:17
So yeah, my, my son is, yeah, kind of the littlest one out of
4:22
all kind of the kid group friends.
4:24
But I think that's OK. Oh yeah, they can look after
4:27
him. I find when there's older kids
4:29
around you have to do less parenting right?
4:32
Yes, that's a very good point. And what did you mean by
4:37
upskilling? So were you were like learning
4:39
about parenting and isolation? Like is that what you mean you
4:42
were studying? You know, yeah, I just felt like
4:46
the lack of the village, right? Like I don't really have
4:48
anything else to compare it to. And I kept like trying to tell
4:51
myself that I was like, it'll be fine.
4:53
I don't have anything to compare it to, you know, so I don't know
4:57
anything different. And then like afterwards I was
5:00
like, oh, I really need to pay attention to myself and pay
5:03
attention to my family in terms of my own mental well-being
5:05
because like, it was not, it was not normal.
5:08
Like people didn't come over, you know, the playground was
5:11
taped up, the coffee shops were, you know, closed.
5:14
And so it was just, it just was an experience that I didn't
5:17
really know what it was going to be like.
5:19
And then at the same time, like knowing kind of what we know now
5:23
just about postpartum and what it takes like in that 4th
5:28
trimester and that I kind of had to figure that out in a in a
5:32
different way, I guess so. Yeah.
5:35
How did that experience go for you?
5:36
Was it, did you, did you notice that gap?
5:39
Like, even though you had nothing to to contrast it with,
5:43
like did were you like intuitively like?
5:45
There's something missing here. A little bit, but I think it was
5:49
more like in reflection, like I think I'm working on that still
5:51
like day-to-day about kind of, you know, what went on, but
5:55
you're just such in survival mode, like regardless at that
5:58
time, whether there's a pandemic or not.
6:00
So, but I just found that the ability to problem solve, I felt
6:06
like I needed to do a little bit more on my own or with my
6:08
partner essentially. So yeah, this.
6:11
Experience like being in healthcare, being in healthcare
6:14
leader during COVID, you were out.
6:18
Wild. It was wild.
6:20
I mean, things were changing, you know, all the time.
6:23
And yeah, like people were just, there's just a lot of fear,
6:27
like, you know, you know, really a lot of stress.
6:29
And my role was to really try and make sure that people had
6:33
information we could still deliver care while trying to
6:37
reassure people where I really didn't have all the answers.
6:41
And again, like, things would change, you know, things change
6:44
all the time and things change really quickly.
6:46
But at the same time, during COVID, there were some days
6:48
where things would change within hours of us doing things.
6:53
So yeah, so it was, it was definitely a wild time.
6:56
I think myself and my healthcare colleagues definitely have a
6:59
different bond that than we used to just living through that
7:02
together. And yeah, it was just wild
7:06
times. Yeah.
7:07
Trauma bond, right? Yeah.
7:08
Yeah. And explain exactly what it is
7:11
you do in healthcare, what you were doing during the during
7:13
COVID. Like what?
7:14
What do you mean by, you know, it was wild and we were
7:17
delivering care. What does that mean?
7:19
Yeah. So I work in community and I
7:22
lead a community mental health and substance use team.
7:25
And so we how it works is, you know, we oversee kind of like a
7:30
neighborhood area. So any clients that live in that
7:33
area would come and see us. So we see anyone anywhere
7:36
between like 607 hundred clients at like actively at a time.
7:42
And so we have case managers that work with them and stuff
7:44
and they would come into the office or we go and see them.
7:46
And yeah, so during COVID also too, just making sure that they
7:50
were OK and they were getting what they need.
7:52
Also to you, you know, through the world of going through
7:54
virtual and hybrid, like a lot of our clients didn't have
7:58
access to some of those things as well as like not access to
8:01
reliable Wi-Fi and things. So, you know, just trying to be
8:04
really creative in that sense to make sure that they were also
8:06
really well taken care of. Geez, I didn't even.
8:09
Yeah, that's a huge piece that we just all took for granted.
8:11
Like, oh, if you can do your job virtually, do it.
8:13
But can you do your job virtually?
8:15
Do you have the means to do your job virtually?
8:17
Is doing a job that you could even do virtually?
8:20
Like if you're, yeah, if it's, if you're a lower wage earner,
8:23
like is, you know, is that job? I don't know, I can't even think
8:27
of an example, but I yeah, that's, that's huge.
8:29
Like, I can only imagine that creativity that you were working
8:32
with. And so you are an occupational
8:35
therapist? Yeah.
8:38
Now I like to think I'm one with the service providers.
8:43
I know I love a service provider.
8:46
I can say I know a bit about what an OTA is, and my husband
8:50
and I have spelt spent time in hospitals and things like that
8:53
with his health. But I'm going to be honest, I
8:56
wouldn't know the textbook definition of an occupational
8:59
therapist. And I think a lot of people
9:00
listening would also be like, OK, so you help people with
9:03
their occupation. Yeah, just like the, the like
9:09
classic like conversation starters like oh, so you work
9:13
with occupation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
9:16
What kind of? Occupations, do you?
9:17
If you were to give it a new name, what would you give it?
9:21
I mean, I wouldn't necessarily give it like a new name because
9:24
it's all I know of. So yeah.
9:27
But I mean, in terms of a definition, yeah.
9:31
It is hard. I think being an occupational
9:33
therapist, not a lot of people know who we are unless you,
9:36
like, directly work with us and then you just know everything
9:40
about them. But essentially, you know, we're
9:42
in the school of rehab science. We work alongside or learn and
9:45
train alongside like physios and speech language pathologists and
9:50
kind of, you know what I try to tell people your story and three
9:53
examples. So occupational therapists do
9:55
help with, you know, we use the technical term occupation, but
9:58
like it's really around function and just how you live your
10:00
day-to-day life, you know. So the examples that I give
10:05
people are, you know, if somebody had a stroke and you
10:09
don't have a lot of range of motion within your, you know,
10:12
one of your arms, like your physio might work with you with
10:15
like increasing that range of motion.
10:17
Your OT would help you how to put a shirt on essentially with
10:20
that limited motion. So it's, those are the kind of
10:22
like the daily living tasks. And so when I relate it to
10:25
parenting and to just, you know, your overall mental health, it's
10:30
like how you're coping, right? And so that's a lot of work that
10:33
I do with parents now is just parents who have a lot of
10:36
questions, doubt around like coregulation or how their
10:38
children are developing emotionally.
10:40
Like we talk through that. So I'm able to, you know, tell
10:43
them what to worry about, not worry about, keep an eye on and
10:46
then come up with a game plan on how they can correlate with
10:49
their children. So it's just more manageable.
10:52
So a lot of anxiety management, stress management, you know,
10:56
communication, increasing vocabulary around emotions and
10:59
feelings. So that's what I do as an OT
11:02
with parents. Now, OK, so you have a kid, so I
11:08
don't even want to say it doesn't have to be a kid who has
11:10
a diagnosis of some sort, but perhaps that's easy.
11:12
So they are diagnosed on the with autism spectrum disorder
11:16
and they've got and maybe they're they have physical
11:20
limitations, perhaps they have verbal limitations.
11:22
So they've got a speech playing with language pathologists.
11:25
Perhaps they also do work with the physio if that's like part
11:28
of what's going on for them. But then beyond that, what
11:32
you're trying to do is say, OK, how are you as a family
11:37
navigating this? Just in general?
11:39
Like are you guys OK with like navigating the quote UN quote
11:42
system? How are you all feeling about
11:45
this diagnosis? Is that kind of your
11:47
jurisdiction? Yeah.
11:48
And, you know, something that I really play into is just like
11:52
the environment, right? And so I'm a firm believer of
11:54
like health communities and looking at everything and just,
11:57
you know, it's what the role the family plays, right?
11:59
So the role of a kid is to be a cab.
12:02
So really it's about, you know, playing and going to school and
12:05
having friends. And all parents want that for
12:08
their kids. So I mean, they want they want
12:13
to be able to, to do that regardless of diagnosis or
12:17
regardless of like neurodivergent and things like
12:19
that. And all kids are super
12:20
different. And I find even now and I don't
12:24
know. If this is a product of COVID or
12:25
not. To be honest with you, or but I
12:27
just find the emotional regulation and the emotions of
12:30
kids that that's it's harder and harder for us as working parents
12:36
to have just the like the mental space to be able to know what's
12:41
what's happening and what's not. So yeah, I help with just, you
12:46
know, role development in terms of families and like, you know,
12:50
things of fitting in like inclusive childcare spaces.
12:53
You know, and every parent hates getting that phone call being
12:55
like, Oh, my kid hit somebody today or they bit someone or
12:58
they're like at risk of, you know, not being able to be
13:01
managed. You know, I, I very much firmly
13:04
believe that's like a, that's like a whole environment and
13:08
community challenge. That's not a kid challenge.
13:12
So that's yeah. So that's what I kind of do and
13:14
work with families around is just, you know, how can we work
13:17
together on very specific goals so that kids can be the kids and
13:21
that parents and then their teachers, whether that's at
13:24
daycare or at school, are able to help them thrive in those
13:28
environments that they're in. I think that's such a cool
13:31
occupation that you have. I think it's so the approach is
13:35
so interesting to me and it reminds me like I could liken it
13:38
to something like osteopathy, which I appreciate so much as
13:42
bodywork because their philosophy is not just looking.
13:45
You come in and you said my knee hurts.
13:46
They're not going to just massage your knee for an hour.
13:49
They're like, OK, how does this relate to your feet?
13:51
How does this relate to your neck?
13:52
And they look at the whole body. And that's what I just so value
13:55
about that. And that's the like how I'm
13:57
relating to like occupational therapy where instead of just
14:00
saying we're going to look at one tiny piece of the ecosystem,
14:03
no, you're saying we're going to look at the whole environment.
14:05
We're not just looking at the kid and labeling this kid, OK,
14:08
They are on the autistic spectrum and that's that you're
14:12
like, no, they're a kid. You know, they, they just have,
14:15
they have differences, difference of abilities, like
14:19
they're no better, they're no worse.
14:20
And we have to look at the parents and how they're coping
14:23
and how they're handling. If you look at the, like you
14:25
said, the school and the environment, the sensory things
14:28
that they're exposed to the, the world in which it's not always
14:31
set up for them. And I just think that it's so
14:33
frigging cool and so important. And it kind of makes me sad
14:37
that, um, your practice is kind of misunderstood.
14:44
I don't know, maybe I'm. Very.
14:46
Am I right in? That I mean, it's just not well
14:48
known. Like that's a thing, right?
14:50
Like, so that's where, you know, I think OT make really great
14:53
advocates as well, just because we do look at the system, right?
14:56
And that's kind of what I really enjoy the variety of where the
14:59
differences of where I work is. Like I can sit in certain places
15:03
and understand where the gaps are, you know, because like
15:06
different, different agencies and things, they don't
15:09
necessarily talk with each other, right?
15:11
Like the childcare system doesn't talk to the healthcare
15:13
system, which doesn't talk to the school of them.
15:15
Like they're all separate. So it's trying to really, you
15:18
know, bring them together, but also promote some understanding.
15:21
Like I don't think just the general public, but definitely
15:23
parents, like there's, there's not, they're not like for a lack
15:27
of wanting to know. There's just a lack of
15:29
understanding and information of how we all fit into this picture
15:34
and then how we all can work through it within our influence
15:39
because we can't solve and fix everything.
15:41
But by little by little, you know, try and do the best for
15:45
our kids, but then also to making sure that we're using our
15:47
voice to make sure we tell kind of our constituents and people
15:51
saying like, hey, this is not working for me in my community.
15:54
Most of the time they don't even know, like, to be honest,
15:57
they're just people like us. So I think it's really
16:00
important. So yeah, just I think OTA's have
16:03
a really great lens on being able to see different systems in
16:06
different environments and being able to work through that for
16:09
sure. Yeah, that's so incredible.
16:12
What about the person who you know?
16:14
I think that there's something to be said.
16:17
I don't know how to phrase this. What about the people who fall
16:21
in the middle? And it's not to say that those
16:23
who have, say, children or they themselves have like pretty
16:26
extreme needs, but what about those people?
16:29
That's like the middle child syndrome where it's like there's
16:32
this group of people who are kind of sitting in the middle
16:34
and there's like a bit of suffering going on.
16:36
Nothing major, nothing wildly physical, maybe nothing visible,
16:39
maybe nothing that obvious, but they're kind of sitting in the
16:42
middle. And no GP unless they're really
16:45
cool and really good would be like, you know what, you might
16:47
really benefit from seeing an occupational therapist.
16:49
But so they're kind of just humming along.
16:51
Like what do you say to that to those people who are in the
16:54
middle that might be like, do you think that it could be
16:56
beneficial for that group of people who somebody who has a
16:59
mild learning? Challenge.
17:01
Yeah, totally. And I think that's what some of
17:03
the challenges to rate is that I really recognize that, you know,
17:06
I think pediatricians are really well aware of OT as a
17:10
profession. Your family doctor, General
17:12
practitioner probably doesn't. And so, yeah, I mean, for what I
17:15
understand, you really don't get a referral to a pediatrician
17:18
unless you like your family doctor can't meet your needs,
17:21
right? So there's not a ton of plans
17:25
like extended health that have OT.
17:27
So it's comes through different funding bodies, right?
17:30
So yeah, like autism funding units, like that's where you
17:33
would get access. But anyone can access an OT
17:36
privately and you know, pay privately just like we do, you
17:41
know, for people who have the resources and are privileged
17:43
enough like you, you can look around and, and again, that's
17:47
another way of understanding like your healthcare system is
17:49
like choices you have, right? There's other choices outside of
17:53
the public healthcare realm. I'm not saying that it's good or
17:57
a bad thing, but I definitely think, you know, anyone can look
18:01
up an occupational therapist and look up what their specialties
18:04
are and definitely refer or get in touch.
18:08
And so that's, you know, that's who I'm technically seeing quite
18:13
a lot of the time is people that are, you know, they're working
18:17
on a diagnosis or they're unsure or they're just on the cusp and
18:21
their family doctor is saying, you know, oh, we'll just keep
18:24
watching it until we get to school.
18:25
Meanwhile, the family is really struggling.
18:27
Like the family and the childcare provider, they're
18:29
really struggling. And then, you know, in this day
18:32
and age, you got 2 working parents.
18:33
Like how on earth are you supposed to take time off work
18:36
and go to these appointments? Are you getting these your phone
18:38
calls? So those are the cells.
18:41
Yeah, the phone calls. Voicemails.
18:43
Yeah. Like, can you please call me
18:45
back? I have to talk to you about your
18:46
child. Like, you know, nobody wants to
18:49
get that phone call. And it's just, it can feel so
18:52
isolating to feel like something's wrong when you are
18:57
in that middle stage. And, you know, so I mean, I of
19:01
course, like, I recommend to reach out, like even just to ask
19:04
questions about what's possible. But I mean, I think for all of
19:08
us, sometimes we all just need a little bit of help and, and you
19:10
know, where we're at in life. I mean, again, I'm a huge
19:14
believer in like counseling and therapy and just all sorts of
19:17
different ways that we can all just limit the amount of
19:22
suffering we're going through. Yes.
19:24
And I love there's so much I want to pull out of like what
19:26
you've been saying, like the power of choice is so important.
19:29
And we of course have to recognize the privilege in that.
19:33
And if we kind of we push past that for a second and we look at
19:36
the choices and options we have given our privilege, there's so
19:40
much like, I think it's so cool because if you have the
19:44
opportunity to say, even just go through privately or use your
19:47
healthcare spending account and just ask the questions like
19:49
you're adding to your village. Like you and I, before we hit
19:52
record, we were just talking briefly about like your village
19:54
and that sort of thing. And it's and there's just
19:57
something to be said about like choosing.
19:59
It's kind of like chosen family. Like you've got, if you have a
20:02
family that's wonderful and then you've got your friends, but
20:04
it's like you have to have different people in your corner
20:06
for different things. And this could just be one more
20:09
of those pieces. And then on the topic of choice.
20:12
One thing that you were talking about, and we were talking
20:15
about, of course, over a casual dinner with our friend Georgina,
20:18
because of course we start talking about like intense
20:21
parenting life things because that's just who three of us are.
20:24
But we were talking about, I think I was just I was
20:28
peppering, of course, with questions as I do.
20:29
And I was like, OK, So what does the OT do?
20:32
And you're like, it gives you. What did you say?
20:35
There was something about, like, really stuck with me.
20:37
You're saying you learn what your choices and your options
20:41
are because you were saying that there's, you know, you weren't
20:43
giving any sort of detail, but you're like, you know, I'm
20:45
working with a family. They just didn't even know what
20:47
options were available to them. Yeah.
20:49
So it's like, it's like these stepping stones, like, OK, you
20:51
hire Someone Like You who would be no judgment.
20:54
And there's no judgment of being like, I don't know if, like, I
20:56
really need your help. And like, I'm embarrassed
20:58
reaching out because what if this is overkill?
21:00
But who cares, right? Like, what's the worst that
21:03
could happen? But you say, no, you guys are
21:04
doing great. Like go see a counselor or
21:07
whatever. Yeah.
21:08
Then you were saying it's like you can unlock all these options
21:11
for what the people have. Like, we all just think that
21:14
it's like you just have to wait for this referral.
21:16
Like you're just waiting for a referral, right?
21:18
Yeah, yeah, Orange is empowering by choice, right?
21:20
Like I think we live in a world where, you know, and this is
21:26
what I teach a lot of the the staff that I work with is don't
21:30
assume that inherently our clients are supposed to trust us
21:34
100%, right. And so I think there's still
21:36
some of that narrative of, you know, somebody tells you there's
21:39
an issue and you trust it or you just follow that pathway.
21:43
And there's so many people out there where I think, you know,
21:46
we mislead them through trust. And that's why I, I love being
21:51
an OT where I just get to ask, you know, like, who's this an
21:55
issue for, you know, So again, like between like the school or
22:00
daycare and the family, like, you know, sometimes the daycare
22:03
will be maybe pushing for a little bit more in terms of, you
22:07
know, developmentally, like the potty training question and the
22:09
bottle weaning question comes up all the time.
22:11
And it's like, well, are you as a family ready to do that?
22:15
Is it the right time? Do you have the capacity or is
22:19
the daycare asking you to do this?
22:21
Like, is this the developmentally related
22:24
challenge? Yes or no?
22:26
Right. So I, I just, I put that back on
22:30
the people asking me the question because I feel there's
22:33
a lot of pressure, especially now for parents to just make
22:36
these decisions and go with what the experts are telling them.
22:40
And I'm not saying they're wrong, like everybody is
22:42
well-intentioned, right? They just want the best.
22:44
But I, I truly believe that, you know, sometimes we don't get the
22:49
questions that parents really want to ask because of this
22:53
just, you know, trusting of what they should be working on.
22:57
Essentially, Yeah. OK, can we use that as an
23:00
example? And I said, you like using
23:01
examples and things. Let's use the example of let's
23:04
combine Georgina's world, our friend Georgina of Woodlands
23:07
Collective. You guys work together.
23:08
Now. I can't remember what we said in
23:10
the intro and what we didn't because we've recorded it three
23:12
times. So Tracy works works with our
23:15
friend, friend of the podcast Georgina Vishnevsky.
23:18
They work together at Woodlands Collective.
23:21
So let's combine both your worlds.
23:23
So this is this is both of you because you're getting from the
23:29
daycare. OK, we're going to move them
23:31
into the preschool room. I don't actually know this is
23:33
how it works, but whatever. Humor me.
23:35
OK, we're going to move your kid into the preschool room.
23:36
But in the preschool room, they can't nap.
23:38
So you have to drop your nap and Oh yeah, we have to move them to
23:42
the preschool room because we've got a daycare kid coming here or
23:44
whatever it is. So you're being told in order
23:47
for your kid to have childcare, you've got to drop the nap and
23:53
the family like, ooh, it doesn't feel quite right.
23:56
What do you say to that? How can one navigate that?
23:59
Like, what are your rights? Is that even the right question?
24:02
Like what can you do? Yeah, well, first of all, my
24:05
e-mail is like to Georgina and being like, can we talk about
24:08
this just in terms of her you like again to get her
24:11
perspective on on sleep and things and she probably would
24:14
have, you know, a number of questions and and different
24:17
suggestions and things. I mean again, I would look at
24:19
like environment with the choices are right.
24:21
So I mean, does it have to be nap?
24:24
Can it be quiet time? Can it be like a quiet time with
24:28
like a sensory regulating activity?
24:30
Can it be gradual? You know, what is the meeting
24:33
point in the middle between family and and the daycare staff
24:37
because it does happen, right? Like that does happen in terms
24:40
of, you know, licensed daycares and childcare centres.
24:43
They have age-related licensing that they have to adhere to.
24:47
So again, understanding kind of where that's coming from like as
24:52
a system too, they don't the operators don't have the ability
24:57
to change licensing, right. So it's just that it's coaching
24:59
the parents through about this is what's happening.
25:02
It might feel icky. What are your choices?
25:05
What are you comfortable with? And that's kind of how we would
25:08
go about that, yeah. I love analogies and this my
25:11
next analogy for you is it kind of reminds me of when you're, I
25:14
work with a lot of people who are in the career space, they're
25:17
transitioning jobs. A lot of people come to me who
25:20
have been fired, they're working with lawyers.
25:22
And you kind of screamed to me as if like you're that counsel,
25:26
like the you can call you up and be like, what are my rights and
25:31
choices year, which is what you do when you call a lawyer.
25:34
You're like, Hey, what, what are my options?
25:36
Because sometimes you don't even know what the options are.
25:38
Like we were saying before. So I love that.
25:40
Yeah. And usually it's in a time where
25:42
things are like really emotionally escalated, right.
25:45
Like things can be really quite stressful and challenging.
25:48
And, you know, there's a sense of just again, feeling like
25:52
alone or frustrated. And so it's it's just nice to
25:56
sometimes have a sounding board about kind of like, OK, you
25:59
know, yes, totally entitled to feel angry, upset, frustrated.
26:04
And then here's here's what I'm thinking in terms of a plan,
26:08
right? So just like takes that mental
26:09
load off? Of people for sure.
26:11
I love every time I talk to you about this, you use the word
26:14
plan. You're like, well, we'll create
26:15
a plan for them and like we like write out a plan.
26:17
I'm like, oh God, that sounds nice.
26:19
Having someone who's not you and your partner come up with like
26:23
just some suggestion, a plan. I'm like, that sounds so nice.
26:26
So we don't make up the plan ourselves.
26:28
Yeah, it's one of my favorite things to do.
26:30
Like that's kind of what like so when I work with families
26:33
through, yeah, the collectivist, you know, you take their goal
26:36
and you basically just, I write out that's what OTC's do.
26:39
They grade kind of the activity. So there's different phases of,
26:43
you know, when you're ready because also too, like you
26:46
shouldn't be starting something when you're not ready, right?
26:48
So I tell families that all the time and like, don't start potty
26:51
training when you've got people coming to visit or you're
26:53
getting a new dog or like, don't do that like.
26:56
Dog. Yeah, pick a weekend or
26:59
something where you like actually have time and space.
27:03
And so then and then I write out including like scripts.
27:07
So I find that parents find that really helpful, especially with
27:10
that emotional regulation piece. It's like, what do I say in
27:13
these moments when my kids like, losing their mind, you know,
27:17
just in terms of like a game plan.
27:19
And then it can be consistent between you and your partner and
27:21
the daycare staff, right? Like, it's just you're
27:23
constantly saying the same things, which is always helpful
27:27
for learning and stuff. So.
27:28
Yeah. So and who doesn't love to like
27:32
go so see you then or approaching the daycare and
27:35
you're all like flustered and feelings, big feelings, big, big
27:38
feelings. And then you're going and you're
27:40
like, well, this is just how I feel.
27:41
But like to have Someone Like You, to have support to give you
27:44
scripts to be like, this is where I'm coming from.
27:46
Just to have like taken a beat and to have some like language
27:50
empowered language like that just sounds real nice.
27:52
Trying to think so many areas. I feel like I could use your
27:55
help. I'll be I'll be in touch.
27:57
OK, Co regulation. We hear this word phrase.
28:00
I don't know the part word all the time.
28:03
What does it mean? What on earth does that mean?
28:06
Why is it such a weird word? I think it's funny.
28:09
I know, right? It's like you got regulation and
28:12
coagulation. And yeah, I mean, I love this
28:16
topic because I find, well, first of all, we'll go with your
28:20
first question before I dive into I don't remember.
28:22
The first question was. Well, just like Co regulation,
28:24
like in the parenting space is like how are you?
28:28
Like how are you? And I'm going to use the word
28:30
again, Co regulating with your child.
28:31
So how are you connecting or attuning to your child?
28:36
So if you are able to regulate yourself, then the science is
28:41
proving that you can also regulate your child like through
28:44
just your own managing your own self.
28:46
So that's like 2 right Co regulation.
28:49
The kind of the premises is that if you escalate with your child
28:52
emotionally, your child will continue to escalate.
28:55
And, and so, and that doesn't help anyone because just how the
28:58
brain works, you know, it just, you pick in your, your kind of
29:02
survival mode and then there's no thinking that happens kind of
29:05
in the frontal lobe, right. So that doesn't help the child,
29:07
that doesn't help you. So I mean, that's, that's kind
29:11
of my first cue. Umm, And then I just find like,
29:15
you know, again, in today's world, women are asked to be the
29:21
Co regulars of like everyone else around them, like and and I
29:25
don't think that's, you know, I don't know if it's anyone's
29:28
fault or anything like that, but I just.
29:30
Have fun, patriarchy. Like, you know, like this again,
29:37
it speaks to that whole mental load thing.
29:38
It's like where you're supposed to be the rational one at all
29:42
times as the parent, as the partner, as the, you know, in
29:47
the sandwich generation with your own parents, like at work,
29:51
like, you know, and, and so I find the word Co regulation
29:56
really interesting. And I've learned this a lot
29:58
through even my own therapy journey is like, you know, it's
30:00
it's not OK to think that you're going to be Co regulating with
30:04
other people. Like it's totally fine to be Co
30:06
recognized parent. That's that's not the case.
30:08
But for us to be continually perpetuating this kind of
30:12
generation of like I as a woman need to Co regulate with
30:17
everyone else. Like trying to change that a
30:19
little bit and I, you know, we're all still working on that.
30:24
But yeah, so that's why I really, really appreciate kind
30:26
of this work that I do, is that not only can I empower families
30:30
and parents, but also just in our own selves, like being able
30:34
to regulate our own selves. And then also having those
30:37
boundaries around like what's OK in terms of the expectation or
30:41
the pressure that we're supposed to be regulating the rest of the
30:44
world essentially? So when we say Co regulation and
30:47
you see it on TikTok, Instagram is a real we're talking
30:52
predominantly about Co regulation between parent, a
30:55
parent and child relationship. And we're not talking about like
30:59
we need to be, but this is actually my book.
31:01
So we don't. We actually aren't meant to be
31:03
Co regulating with our spouse, but that's not really what the
31:07
term means. No, I mean, that's not where I'm
31:10
I'm taking it. So essentially, yeah.
31:12
Like just having that, you know, as a role as a parent, I'm Co
31:16
regulating with my child so that they can develop emotionally in
31:20
a good way. Whereas I think in the world
31:23
today, there is this expectation from women inherently that, you
31:28
know, we're to be Co regulating everyone else, right, Managing
31:32
everyone else's emotions and stress.
31:34
And and then, you know, on the days that we're having a really
31:38
hard time, then we're the ones that are kind of that is being
31:40
like, well, what's wrong with you?
31:42
Right. It's like, well, yes, like I,
31:45
you know, you're managing everything else.
31:47
So it's just it's about, you know, changing that narrative
31:50
and changing the expectation around that.
31:52
You know, women are supposed to be Co regulating everyone else.
31:56
It's like, no, you're responsible for yourself.
31:58
Like I'm not the one to carry your stress and regulating and
32:02
help you through it. It's like I will support you
32:04
through it, but it's not my job to then be the other person
32:07
that's to to regulate you. Right, OK, so it's empathy.
32:12
It sounds like maybe it's empathy coming out with love,
32:14
whatever. But empathy is not Co regulation
32:18
because you are not like empathy is like I, I see you, I hear
32:24
you. I'm here, but you're not Co
32:26
regulating would be like I'm going to ICU escalating.
32:30
So I'm gonna work my damnest to like regulate myself so hard so
32:35
that I can bring you down. Like there's an outcome attached
32:38
to it to try to like bring the other person down.
32:40
But if we're constantly doing that, there's burnout versus
32:44
empathy. And we have empathy with our
32:46
kids too. But like, it's more like you're
32:48
creating a safe boundary. Yeah, for sure.
32:52
Yeah. And yeah, So I mean, I think
32:55
what happens to when you're outside of that parenting role
32:59
with the regulation is that you end up holding in all your own
33:02
stress, right? So you're not, you're also not
33:07
participating in a safe space where you can then also say, I'm
33:10
feeling stressed or this is what's happening for me because
33:13
you're not wanting to impact the other person.
33:15
And so that's that's also not, I think not OK, it's not healthy.
33:18
It's not. And I think this is where we see
33:21
like, you know, some of the outbursts and mom rage and that
33:23
kind of stuff among a variety of things.
33:26
But that's, that's kind of what I'm, you know, looking at is,
33:30
well, what kind of boundaries are you also setting around your
33:34
ability to regulate and then also be able to voice that in a
33:37
safe way? Yeah.
33:38
Do you work with parents like, oh, sorry, obviously you work
33:41
with parents. Do you work with parents as
33:43
being the client? Like do you?
33:46
Have when they don't tend to come to me that way, but that
33:49
that sometimes does happen, right, because they go hand in
33:53
hand, like they come like families come to me with a
33:56
challenge they're experiencing, but they're also stressed,
33:59
right? They're so I all, you know, it's
34:02
really interesting. They'll often include that
34:04
question when I'm meeting people for the first time.
34:05
It's like, so how are you, like, how are you doing?
34:09
You know, in in all my plans also too, I also recommend that,
34:13
you know, parents have their own scheduled alone time or things
34:17
that they're working on outside of that, you know, so I think
34:21
it's really hard and to separate yourself from that.
34:24
Again, it becomes like a time and space and capacity issue.
34:28
But definitely like, you know, we end up putting in some of
34:31
those self-care things because that's also being able to
34:34
regulate yourself. So then you can be prepared for
34:36
the other hard things that come. Yes, OK, I saw something
34:40
recently this weekend that was one of those hard, hard
34:44
situations to watch that you completely have empathy for.
34:47
It was at the playground. There was a child, it was just
34:51
not having fun anymore, just losing it, just losing it.
34:55
And with the most love in my heart, I shared this because I
34:59
want to know like, you know, if I get to that point, like what,
35:01
what on earth do you do? Like talk about examples.
35:03
So the word that in the men's mouth were, you know, stop
35:08
crying, why don't you start walking home?
35:13
And the kid was like, no, I want to walk with you.
35:15
Which then kind of breaks your heart cause they were clearly
35:17
there was just so upset. And then the mom said, again,
35:22
this is not coming from a place of judgment, but I could see how
35:24
quickly this could escalate. The mom was like, well, nobody
35:28
wants to walk with you if you're crying, like.
35:31
That yeah, yeah. And it you know, I don't know, I
35:37
don't even know if I should brought this up, but it's like
35:38
it really broke my heart because I felt so deeply for the mom
35:42
because she was clearly they were clearly having such a hard
35:45
time. And there is like clearly that
35:49
double escalation of both of them.
35:50
Like how do you prevent that? How do you talk about Co
35:54
regulating? Like how can I don't know what's
35:57
going on in that situation? If you hear that story, what is
35:59
happening there for? This family, yeah, One I think
36:04
we can all say. I mean, I can say like, we've
36:07
all been there, like we've all had, like we're not perfect.
36:10
Humans are not meant to be perfect.
36:11
And not perfect parents, you know, where you're just like not
36:17
your best self for whatever reason.
36:19
And it can happen anywhere. The most important thing I think
36:22
in that situation, like you can't go back and change it
36:27
essentially. And I, I don't necessarily like,
36:28
I think we do as parents a lot of really good work to try to
36:31
prevent your, you know, those things from happening.
36:33
So like, I'm not going to say those things and it just
36:36
happens, right? So the most important part that
36:39
I tell parents is like don't, don't avoid it and don't beat
36:42
yourself up, but like come back to it.
36:44
So, you know, after the maybe they get home or, you know,
36:49
things have settled down, you know, to be able to like sit
36:53
down with your child and say, you know, what happened at the
36:57
park That was really hard. Like I saw how hard and how sad
37:02
you were. I was really sad and angry too.
37:04
And I'm really sorry I said that.
37:07
So it's just, it's that kind of like repair cycle.
37:09
So it's just acknowledging like things like that will happen.
37:13
It's what what can we learn from them?
37:15
And then how do you repair that? And that's kind of a bit of the
37:19
cycle with Co regulation as well.
37:20
Yeah. And does that.
37:23
OK, so the first thing that came to mind was, are you just
37:26
bringing it back up? And then are you creating a core
37:29
memory? This is crazy, I know.
37:31
But this is where like a mom's brain goes.
37:33
So by bringing it back up, are you like solidifying and like
37:37
actually, what if they didn't even hear it?
37:38
And then you're telling them, you know, or you're reminding
37:41
them of what happened when you weren't in your best.
37:45
And do we, is there kind of research and or is that I don't
37:47
know, are things indicating that the apology?
37:51
Like can they take that in, you know, say like a 5 or 6 year
37:54
old? Like can they feel that,
37:56
understand that? Yeah, I mean, I, I truly believe
37:59
that they do. And if it's not in that moment,
38:01
it's like you're, you're creating kind of this image that
38:04
they have as you as a parent that if, if you like, you get
38:09
into an argument or a disagreement with them, like
38:12
it'll be OK in the end, right? Like that, you don't have to be
38:15
worried about that little linger.
38:17
There's a grudge or, you know, right, You know, Mum's never
38:20
gonna walk with me home from the park, you know, if I get upset.
38:24
So even at that moment in time again, developmentally, like I,
38:28
I, I recommend this for any age, like I don't even, you know,
38:31
even for kids that don't even have really language yet.
38:33
It's just you're, you're promoting the sense of how do
38:36
you come back and repair in the relationship?
38:39
Essentially, Yeah. Jeez.
38:42
Yeah, because I mean, I don't know about you.
38:44
Like, you know, I see a lot of generational things where, you
38:48
know, I love my parents. Don't get me wrong, they'll
38:50
probably listen to this later, but you know, there, there
38:53
wasn't a lot of that. Like, you know, I listened to my
38:55
parents and I did what they said and that kind of that was it,
38:58
right? And so I think now, you know,
39:01
what we know and what we learned is that I, I would like, you
39:06
know, in terms of being able to express himself, that my son is
39:10
being able to come to me in those moments also too.
39:13
And saying like that didn't make me feel very good.
39:17
And then we can talk about it in a good way where I don't have to
39:20
like try to make my point across.
39:21
There's no point that you have to make around feelings, right?
39:24
That didn't make him feel good. That's, you know, that's for his
39:27
experience and it's for me to be able to kind of repair and then
39:30
also come back to that and make sure that our relationship is
39:34
still solid. That's really.
39:36
Fantastic advice. Now the other thing we hear a
39:38
lot about is sensory, the word sensory.
39:41
And there's like sensory days at the museums and things like what
39:46
is all that? What is that?
39:47
What is it all about? Where is it coming from?
39:48
What does it mean? Talk to us about sensory, the
39:52
word sensory. Sensory, sensory and sensory
39:54
processing and all the things, yeah, yeah.
39:57
So that's again something that OT's are really familiar with
40:00
just with that like environmental piece is that.
40:03
All the inputs that we're getting from like a sensory
40:06
stimulation on how we make up the world comes in through like
40:09
our different senses, right? So like sight, taste, smell,
40:13
hearing, and then there's other ones, right?
40:16
Like in terms of introspection, like that inner feeling, those
40:19
types of things. And, and so we get tons of input
40:22
from the environment and then we make sense of things.
40:26
For some people, there are certain things that are really
40:29
overwhelming. And so I think we know, you
40:32
know, for some kids, for some people, even like loud noises is
40:37
really distressing for people, different tastes and smells can
40:41
be really upsetting. And so I think everyone has
40:44
that. Everyone has a sense like we
40:46
call it a sensory profile. Everyone has that everyone can
40:48
tell you what they like and they don't like.
40:50
You know, there's people that love, they need to have a
40:53
blanket on them, even if it's like super hot middle of August
40:56
and there's. Yeah, right.
40:58
I'm like I need a. Blanket people are crazy.
41:01
If they don't, I'm like, you're going to get kidnapped.
41:04
That's why. My feet are covered.
41:07
I feel like I'm going to get kidnapped.
41:09
Good to know. So, yeah, I mean there everybody
41:15
can tell you what they need, right?
41:17
I think the the threshold where it goes with people who
41:21
definitely have like more of a sensory processing, you know,
41:25
they call it sensory processing disorder or challenges, is that
41:28
it prevents them from functioning in their day-to-day
41:31
life. So, you know, again, like if you
41:34
have a real aversion to sound or like light and your school has
41:40
like just changed all their lighting to like that really
41:42
bright white fluorescent lighting, you're not going to
41:45
want to go to school. So, so it's those types of
41:48
things that it would just work on with everyone really.
41:52
But you know, for me, I've really been in the realm with
41:55
with more like school based kids is kind of what is their sensory
41:58
profile? What are their strengths and
42:00
where do they have a hard time? And can we modify the
42:03
environment? Again, not looking at the person
42:05
as the problem. Definitely we can work on some
42:07
like coping strategies around that, but what is it within
42:10
their environment or can we add some tools that could be really
42:13
helpful for them to be able to function where they're at in
42:16
life? So for kids, you know, even kids
42:20
with ADHD or just need a lot of movement stimulation, you know,
42:24
when they're sitting at their desk, like there's bands that
42:27
can go around the legs of the desk where they can just like
42:29
pop their feet up and down or a different cushion that they can
42:32
wobble on or can we have movement breaks or, you know,
42:35
those types of things. So, yeah, but I mean, like, I
42:39
think the word sensory and the different tools out there have
42:44
become really mainstream, which is great in the sense of, you
42:47
know, it's not this kind of like taboo thing where it's like, oh,
42:51
well, you have an issue and then you can, you know, no, like it's
42:54
recognizing like we all need some sort of like sensory diet
42:59
or sensory regulation. I mean, I even have tools like
43:02
because we're in a hybrid environment and you're on Zoom
43:05
or Teams all day and you're needing like something to fidget
43:08
with or, you know, to stay focused.
43:10
So but yeah, that's essentially what we do in terms of family.
43:14
And then also, again, like with the childcare centres of what is
43:18
your programming look like so that you're able to look at the
43:22
needs of the group and making sure that they their sensory
43:25
stimulated in a way where they can participate.
43:27
Because what happens is if you're not able to, then that's
43:30
when you're starting to get some of the challenges in terms of,
43:33
you know, kids making choices that they're, and the reason why
43:37
they're making these choices is to get that sensory input,
43:41
right? So they might be following too
43:42
close to a kid or they might push someone because they, they
43:46
need to move. And so it's like, how are you
43:48
looking at that inclusive programming from a sensory
43:51
perspective to make sure that you're able to manage the group?
43:54
Yeah, what you do is so cool and so important, like to not just
43:58
take a kid who's pushing another kid and be like, oh, you're a
44:01
pusher, you're a bully or you're this or you're that and labeling
44:04
them and writing them off. Like I think not too far in the
44:07
past, like that was probably the outcome for those kids.
44:10
Oh, you're a bad kid that oh, that Bobby's a bad kid.
44:14
Actually had a woman on the I don't know if you listened to
44:16
this episode with Kathy and Bayashi and it was an episode on
44:19
how to raise boys. And I think these actually 2
44:22
conversations go so hand in hand because she was talking about
44:24
just, there's so much labeling that happened with raising young
44:29
men. And like, and not to say that
44:31
boys have sensory issues, but I think it was just that example
44:34
of like, maybe there's just like a more physical physicality
44:37
perhaps with like young boys and, and the boys being labeled
44:41
and like, what does that do when you label a boy?
44:44
Like exactly. It's, it's just so incredible
44:46
what you do and how you how you really look at the whole
44:49
picture. Yeah.
44:50
And again, like again, it's like what?
44:52
What happens, what happens when you label someone so early on,
44:56
like we've seen evidence around that, right?
44:58
It's just, it's just the nature of humans and community things.
45:02
And that's why I always come back to the, you know, when I
45:05
ask like, who's this a problem for and what is, what is the
45:10
outcome, right? Like who's this a problem for?
45:12
What are our choices to move forward?
45:15
Like I don't, I don't buy into like this can't get better
45:20
because it probably can. You just need a little bit of
45:23
effort and motivation around that.
45:27
And I like that you're saying like, who is this thing up, this
45:30
situation a problem for? Not who is this child a problem
45:34
for? The child is not the problem.
45:35
And I love that you said that early on too.
45:37
Like the kids. Not bad.
45:39
The kids kid. Yeah.
45:40
The situation might be creating complexities in different
45:44
scenarios, like complexity being not showing up to school.
45:46
And you know, you want your kid to get an education and be
45:49
there. So how can we The situation is
45:51
complicated, not the child. Yeah, I think that's a cool
45:55
distinction. Oh my gosh, there's so many
45:56
questions. I'm looking at the time.
45:58
Do you have any more time for me?
46:00
Of course they do, Always for. You OK?
46:03
Here's a question that came up in my head just now.
46:07
As we were talking about censoring things, I was thinking
46:10
about parents feeling really overwhelmed, raising my hand,
46:16
raising my hand. And I actually just interviewed
46:19
a woman, Joanna Brewster, and she was, we were just talking a
46:22
bit about this and she actually coached me through an emotional
46:25
intelligence tool to talk about irritability.
46:27
And like, you know, 5:00, 5/30 I get a little bit irritable, like
46:31
bit hungry, cooking dinner, whatever.
46:33
So now I want to ask you that like sensory overload that I've,
46:38
I'll only speak from my personal experience that I've never felt
46:42
in my life like I do as a parent sometimes where there's a lot of
46:45
touching and sometimes noise and like my husband's been playing
46:50
music, which I normally like. But then that with the kids with
46:52
the siren, I'm like, put me in a sensory safe space.
46:57
Like what is happening? Like why I?
47:00
Don't know the parent isn't an issue now, yeah.
47:03
Yeah, yeah. And what do we do about it?
47:06
I. Mean locking ourselves in the
47:07
bathroom and being like, oh, I have to go #2 to your kids when
47:11
really you're just like, in. There, which is totally OK, like
47:15
again, judgement. I've told parents, I'm like, if
47:17
you need a break, like just just go safely.
47:20
But I mean, so my theory is, you know, before being a parent,
47:27
like you just had more autonomy and choice over your time on how
47:32
you regulated yourself. And again, it comes back to
47:34
like, what are you taking on in the family household as your
47:37
role of like regulating everyone else, right?
47:40
So, and, and all the tasks like you're, you're responsible for,
47:43
you know, feeding this small human that is also hangry and
47:46
tired and, you know, also trying to find ways to regulate
47:50
themselves. So much regulation.
47:53
So much regulation all the time, everywhere, but you know, like
47:57
you're the person, you're the primary person that's doing that
48:00
for the household. So I think, you know, and it's
48:02
just like all the senses all at once that are like super
48:05
intense. And so for someone, you know, I
48:07
totally resonate with that because actually we were in the
48:09
car, we went to go pick up my inlaws yesterday from the
48:12
airport and then, you know, they were hungry and so we were
48:14
waiting for the take out and then we got the takeout.
48:17
And so it was like me, my husband, my son, who was singing
48:21
something and then, you know, my 2 in laws in the back and like
48:25
my son was asking me a question. And then my husband was telling
48:30
me like to be like it was all clear because I was backing up.
48:33
And then my father-in-law was like, just look at the backup
48:35
Cam because I wasn't in my car. And I was like, everyone is
48:37
talking to me, please stop talking, you know?
48:41
And then my mother-in-law said, sorry, I'm like, why are you
48:43
sorry? You didn't say anything?
48:44
So I totally resonate with like it's just like all at once and
48:50
you're trying to think, right. So it's in, it's like you're,
48:52
you're, you're over stimulating and you're overloading.
48:55
You're like thinking part of your brain.
48:57
And so as a parent, it's like it could be the screaming, it could
49:00
be the toy, it could be the touching if you know, the
49:03
constant questioning. And it's just, it's it, it does
49:06
it like rattles for some, not everyone actually.
49:09
But, you know, I think most of us as parents like it rattles
49:13
your nervous system, whereas before being a parent, like you
49:17
just had a little bit more control over that environment.
49:21
Yeah. OK, right.
49:22
Yeah, because you can remove yourself.
49:23
But when you have these little dependents who, yeah, might
49:27
cause harm to themselves or others, you're like, well, I
49:30
can't really step out. Yeah, for sure.
49:33
OK, So in those moments, like I do tell parents, you know, in
49:37
terms of like being able to like kind kind of come back down,
49:40
really you're just telling yourself like this is temporary.
49:43
And then having a bit of like when it is safe to do so or like
49:46
when, you know, This is why I tell parents that, you know, you
49:49
really should have some things within the week that you look
49:52
forward to that's on your own, whether it's like just even
49:54
going upstairs on your own, shutting the door and reading a
49:57
book or going for a walk. Like those things will help
50:00
balance your nervous system in terms of the day-to-day.
50:04
But you know, when you're in the thick of it and you can't,
50:07
you're like, I'm just going to peace out.
50:10
You can't do that. So just telling yourself like
50:12
this is temporary, it will end, you will move on and then just
50:17
try and have a supportive strategy to be able to come back
50:19
down. And then you take the batteries
50:21
out of the fire truck. Yes, yeah, you say you have no
50:25
more batteries ever again. But a hex on the person who gave
50:30
you the fire truck. No sounds.
50:33
But then it brings them so much joy.
50:35
And then when you are regulated, so sweet.
50:38
What a great toy. And toying.
50:41
You're not making dinner and your husband's not playing the
50:43
guitar. You know it's fine.
50:45
Playing or you don't have misophonia like I do when your
50:49
husband's shooting around you for our anniversary.
50:52
I heard about the chewing now like 3 times.
50:55
Me. Yeah.
50:57
Do I bring it up that much? You.
50:59
You talk about it often. It's definitely something that
51:02
bothers you, yeah. That's totally something that
51:04
bothers me, which is OK Got to stop chewing.
51:08
He also made it as our anniversary post this year,
51:11
which was very sweet. He posted a photo of us and he
51:13
says like something about seven years.
51:15
I'm like, sorry about my chewing.
51:17
Yeah, there you go. From an occupational therapist,
51:21
we have to talk about who's this a problem for me?
51:23
It's a huge problem for me. Yeah, I'm boring everyone on the
51:27
podcast with this. It's my truth chewing.
51:30
You bring your husband on to the podcast and be like, let's talk
51:32
about your chewing. Yeah, versus the the emotional
51:36
episode we did about his health journey, I'll bring him on and
51:38
I'll just like beat him down the next time.
51:43
Yeah, let's talk about your touring, OK.
51:46
Oh my gosh, I had another 5000 questions, but for another time.
51:51
For another time. Um.
51:55
Tracy, first of all, thank you for this.
51:58
You're incredible. Just so informative.
52:00
I feel like I learned so much and when I'm cooking dinner
52:03
tonight 1st I'm going to go out and BBQ so everything's better
52:05
outside. Everything is better outside.
52:07
So that's good. And I will just say if I feel
52:10
overwhelmed like this is temporary.
52:12
So thanks for that. Now she just seemed like such a
52:15
wise, wise individual, but what is something that you're trying
52:18
to still figure out? And I pretend I'm wise.
52:23
No, I think it. Yeah.
52:24
I think through my life experiences, I've become wise.
52:27
Things that I'm trying to figure out, to be honest with you, I
52:30
like I am walking the same journey as everyone else of
52:34
trying to figure out like how can I not only be a great mom
52:40
and through my own journey of healing to regulate myself and
52:44
also like role modeling how I do that to my child.
52:46
But also again, like advocating and being there for the
52:51
community that I'm in, the work that I do, the systems that I'm
52:54
a part of to be able to say, you know, in a professional evidence
52:59
based, rational way of, you know, we should be moving in
53:02
this direction. And if we do, we'll have
53:04
healthier communities, which is what everybody wants.
53:06
So that's what I'm trying to figure out every day.
53:09
How can we help you? How can like humans parents?
53:12
If someone listens to this podcast, they're like a pretty
53:15
cool person, obviously, but they're like, you know, they're
53:19
really, in all seriousness, there's somebody who really
53:22
values like growth and development and what can we do
53:26
as parents to create the conditions that other parents
53:29
can thrive? Our kids can thrive?
53:31
Like, what are you? I don't know how can we help you
53:33
in that mission of yours. I mean, the question of like
53:37
asking people just what they need, like, and I think that
53:40
sounds really cliche, but I mean, I even ask the kids that,
53:44
like I asked my own kid that. And then any kids that I work
53:46
with, like, you know, if they're having a moment, it's not about
53:50
like, what's wrong with you? Like what do you need in this
53:52
moment? And I think, you know, if we ask
53:54
that of parents and really dig into it in terms of like, it's
53:59
not just about like, well, sometimes it's about like the
54:02
scheduling and you know, working from home and being flexible
54:05
things. But it's like, what do you need
54:07
from like a timetable perspective, a projects
54:10
perspective, You know what, where are you in capacity?
54:15
Or sometimes it's just like the ability to give people
54:18
permission of, you know, saying, I know you're at like a 70%
54:23
right now and that's totally fine.
54:25
Like I've done that with staff too.
54:27
It's like it's really hard right now.
54:29
Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
54:30
Like you're doing great. So I think it just comes down to
54:33
like, what do you need? Yeah, I like that.
54:36
Just asking each other, human to human.
54:38
Human to human. I love that.
54:40
And where can everybody find you?
54:42
So to clarify, because people might be like, wait a minute,
54:45
how do you have all the time in the day to do all these
54:47
different things? So you work in the community
54:50
through in the BC healthcare world, Yeah, as well as working
54:56
in a private practice, Woodlands Collective, Correct.
54:59
Yeah, so you can find me there. Yeah, I'm, I'm listed on The
55:03
Woodlands Collective page. And yeah, Tracy at
55:07
woodlandscollective.ca. You can definitely reach out to
55:09
me at anytime. Perfect, but they cannot book
55:12
you directly in the community unfortunately.
55:15
You can through Woodlands. Yeah, I have.
55:18
I have availability through Woodlands.
55:20
Through like if they want to come find you at your office.
55:24
Yeah. No, no, but they can find you.
55:29
Wildens collective for parents kids if you just want help with
55:32
anything, navigating systems and all that.
55:34
Highly highly recommend Tracy. Just hearing her talk about her
55:38
work as friends. It's a man.
55:41
You are detailed girl. Like people are getting a lot
55:45
from you. So thank you for the beautiful
55:46
work that you do and supporting parents and having such a
55:50
commitment to your craft. You're amazing.
55:53
Thank you. Thanks for having me and this is
55:55
great. Thanks for coming out.
55:56
OK. Thank you so much for listening
56:01
and since you made it this far, please share this episode with a
56:04
fellow parent who you love, respect, and want to support.
56:08
And while you're at it, hit me up on Instagram at All Figured
56:11
Out. Andrea, I would love to meet you
56:13
and hear what you are trying to figure out these days.