Latest / The Wild Woman Within: Recover from Burnout & Achieve True Work-Life Balance Through Feminine Energy / 76| Can You Let Them Be Mad? The Yoga of Letting Go For Your Relationship

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76| Can You Let Them Be Mad? The Yoga of Letting Go For Your Relationship · The Wild Woman Within: Recover from Burnout & Achieve True Work-Life Balance Through Feminine Energy

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey hey hey! Okay, here we go.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: What if the thing exhausting you isn't just the conflict?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: What if it's your grip on how the conflict needs to end?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh like these words play in.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I need to I need them to understand me or I need them to stop being mad.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I need them to agree or this tension to go away.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the line.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I need us to be okay again so that I can finally be okay.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: That grip is exactly where yoga enters this conversation.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because one of the principles of yoga is Apa Rahra.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, I'm probably not pronouncing that correctly.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's upha regra-ha.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a hard word.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Apa regraha.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, it means non-grasping.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're just gonna call it non-grasping.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's the yoga word aparigraha, non-grasping.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And today I don't want to practice letting go of your hamstrings, okay?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I want to practice loosening your grip on the outcome.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Fitzin project.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: The world teaches you to hustle harder.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm here to help you stop outsourcing yourself and start leading from within.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Rachel Fitzpatrick.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And around here, alignment is the new hustle because you are your most important project.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Opa Rigraha is often translated as non-possessiveness or non-grasping, okay?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to think about where you're grasping inside your relationships.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So not necessarily grasping on to the person physical form, but grasping on to your outcomes.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, these outcomes are like they need to understand me or respond the way that I hoped.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: They can't be disappointed in me.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this conversation needs to end well.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: They need to reassure me that we're okay.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the practice here.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Can I say what is true for me without trying to control what happens after I say it?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's that's your fucking yoga.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because yoga isn't just what happens when your body's in a pose, yeah.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, yoga is noticing the moment your entire body says fix it.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Explain.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Text again, apologize, make them understand.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Make this feeling go away.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of immediately obeying that urge in yoga, you stay.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You take a breath, you feel your feet, you notice what's happening in your body.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you get to remind yourself I can feel this and still stay with myself.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: So with that, the reaction belongs to them.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: My integrity belongs to me.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: A barriga doesn't mean I don't care about the relationship.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean I become detached, cold, or indifferent.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: What this means is I get to loosen my grip on controlling another person's response so I can remain connected to myself.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's where we're at right here.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your microdose of courage.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: The next time you feel the urge to fix someone's reaction to you, don't immediately act.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: You need to give yourself one breath.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Feel your feet on the ground.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Exhale.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And ask.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: What am I grasping for right now?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: The approval, reassurance, agreements, apology.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then you remind yourself.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: I can want that without making my peace dependent on getting it.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the practice.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not perfect detachment.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're not never gonna people please again, believe you me.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: But we get to have one tiny moment where you notice the grasp.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you get to loosen your grip.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes coming home to yourself like that, it doesn't require a massive, courageous decision, y'all.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's a tiny micro dose of courage.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Where you choose not to abandon yourself just because somebody else is uncomfortable.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: That alignment is the new hustle.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because you are your most important project.