Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / The Energy Game: Stop Running on Empty! [with Amantha Imber]

Transcript

The Energy Game: Stop Running on Empty! [with Amantha Imber] · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to The Happy Family's podcast, where you get
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: real parenting solutions every single day. Today, a conversation about energy.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Do you wake up feeling depleted? Do you go to
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: bed feeling exhausted? Do you see your children and think no,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: not again, I'm done. If you do, you're not alone.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: It's a fairly common challenge, but it's not working for you,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: and it's probably not working for the family today. A
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: favorite of mine an author who has been on the
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: pod two or three times, maybe more. In fact, I
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: think we've done week long episode things together. Her name
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: is Amantha Imber. She has a brand new book out
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: called The Energy Game. I love the game. I love
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: the book, and today we're going to talk about how
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: how we can get you to a point where you
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: wake up and you actually feel like you can do
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: it today. In fact, maybe you're even excited for the
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: day and at the end of the night you are
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: not slumped on the couch there at Netflix and wondering
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: when sleep will overcome you. You've got that spark, that energy
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: that you need to make life awesome. Stay with us,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Amantha Imber. Next, Hello, and welcome to the Happy Families podcast,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: where you get real parenting solutions every single day. This
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. My name stops Justin
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Coulson and say I'm a pod author, consultant, consultant with
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: people like Disney and Google. For goodness sakes, and the
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: CEO director of Inventium. Amantha Imber, who has recently written
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: a brand new book called The Energy Game, joined us. Amantha,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: how's your energy today?
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  Speaker 2: My energy is great today, justin It's very different from
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: how it was when I thought I need to write
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: a book about energy.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: You start off your book by talking about how we
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: have an energy crisis, and I resonate with that so
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: much because personally, as much as I'm a bit of
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: a go getter and a high energy person, there are
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: some days where I wake up and think I can't
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: do this. But more to the point, when I'm out
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: and about traveling around the country giving my talks, parents
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: walk into my sessions and honestly many of them they
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: tell me, I'm so tired. The kids are wearing me down.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: What's going on with adult energy in twenty twenty six society?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, there's so much going on and like I
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: feel like often when you know experts in inverted commas
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: write a book about something, it can feel kind of detached.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: But for me, I was so motivated to write about
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: how can we get our energy back in this energy
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  Speaker 2: crisis because something happened to me in twenty twenty four
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: where I completely and utterly burnt out. And I'm an
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: organizational psychologist. I've spent two decades consulting to big companies
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: all over the world on how do you perform at
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: your best? How do you come to work feeling really
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: fantastic and motivated? And I hit burnout. So for me,
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  Speaker 2: I became acutely aware of this. In the middle of
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty four, was going for a walk with a
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: friend of mine who happens to be a clinical psychologist, Savina,
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  Speaker 2: and I was telling her about this fantasy that I
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: was having. And when I've shared this fantasy, particularly with
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: other parents, I've had so many people say I've had
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: this exact same experience. So what I told Savina is
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I said, I am having these really strange thoughts where
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: I am wishing to get really really sick, not terminally sick,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: but really ill, so ill that I have to go
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: to hospital and I need to spend a week in
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: hospital to recover, and no one can contact me. All
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: my devices have been left at work or at home,
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  Speaker 2: and it's just peaceful, and people are going to send
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: me flowers and sympathy cards, and they're going to empathize
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: with what's going on for me.
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  Speaker 3: And then a week later I will emerge feeling fantastic
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  Speaker 3: and renewed and nothing's wrong with me. And how I
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: go into the world.
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  Speaker 2: And I said to her, going mad, And I must say,
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  Speaker 2: I feel bad she using that word as a psychologist,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: but you know, colloquially, And she said, I have heard
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  Speaker 2: that exact same fantasy so many times in my private practice.
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  Speaker 2: I call it the getting hit by a bus fantasy,
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  Speaker 2: where you just want to be injured in some way
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  Speaker 2: so that you can hit pause on life because that
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  Speaker 2: is how depleted, how exhausted, how burnt out potentially you
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  Speaker 2: are feeling, and that is what you feel is needed
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  Speaker 2: to actually come back from it.
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  Speaker 3: And that's what motivated me to write this book.
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  Speaker 1: It's a devastating story. I think that it isn't always
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  Speaker 1: going to be about burnout either. I feel like we
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  Speaker 1: need to let people know they should get help if
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  Speaker 1: they're feeling like that, but you obviously got help, and
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  Speaker 1: you also sat down and wrote a book about it,
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  Speaker 1: because when you write a book, you usually write it
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  Speaker 1: for you, not for everyone else. Right, So you've got
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  Speaker 1: the energy crisis. What's at the root of the tiredness?
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  Speaker 2: Firstly, I mean I don't know anyone that fully recovered
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: from the pandemic, and that was a time where mental
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: health and energy levels just plummeted. Obviously, everything that's going
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: on with screens and how addicted and compelled we are
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  Speaker 2: to be always on these digital devices. And I mean
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  Speaker 2: if you think about your mobile phone, for example, how
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: many hours or even minutes during your awake time are
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  Speaker 2: you more than an arms length away from your phone?
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  Speaker 2: For most people, that's about zero minutes per day. That
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  Speaker 2: is what I found is normal through my research and
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: just talking to people. And when we've got this distraction
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  Speaker 2: device that is just at our fingertips, I mean that
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  Speaker 2: is doing terrible things to our brain and our brain chemistry.
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  Speaker 2: And if that is the thing that we're going to
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  Speaker 2: when we're bored or we're frustrated, or we're trying to
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  Speaker 2: block out negative emotions, I mean, that is just making
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  Speaker 2: us more exhausted. These are just a handful of things,
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  Speaker 2: and I've been chop that off with the fact that
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  Speaker 2: most people are probably not getting a great night sleep. Certainly,
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know too many parents that have a wonderful,
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: blissful eight hours of sleep every single night. And if
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  Speaker 2: you are a parent that's getting that, I would love
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  Speaker 2: to know how you're doing that, because quite frankly, even
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: just those fundamentals are really really hard to do.
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  Speaker 1: So meant that there are so many different ways that
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  Speaker 1: we can take this conversation. I just wanted toyone to
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: buy The Energy Game and read it because it will
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: change your life. In the book, you talk about your
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  Speaker 1: three energy accounts, and this really struck me. I've never
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: thought about it like this before. Walk us through those
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  Speaker 1: three accounts.
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  Speaker 2: When I got into the research, what I learned is
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  Speaker 2: that we don't just have this one energy account that
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  Speaker 2: we're dipping in and out of. We've actually got three.
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  Speaker 2: And I think about these accounts like bank accounts, where
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: you can put deposits into these accounts or you can
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: withdraw from these accounts depending on the choices that you're
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: making during the day, and that these accounts are not
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: bottomless pits. So the three accounts are We've got our
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: physical energy account and this is how we're feeling in
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  Speaker 2: our body. And some days that account is going to
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  Speaker 2: be really low, like those days you feel, you know,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: maybe your body is just feeling really heavy and it
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  Speaker 2: just feels like, you know, an effort to walk out
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: to the supermarket to get your groceries, like you just
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: want to be like plugged on the couch for the day.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Then we've got our mental energy account, and our brain
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  Speaker 2: just feels like it's just a complete fog. And then
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  Speaker 2: finally we've got our emotional energy account. And this is
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  Speaker 2: the one for me that was definitely the one that
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  Speaker 2: was so withdrawn. It was so empty, and I didn't
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  Speaker 2: even think that this was about energy, but it is.
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  Speaker 2: It is the third and I think most underrated and
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  Speaker 2: kind of hidden it and less thought about energy account.
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  Speaker 2: And when our emotional energy account is feeling full, this
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: is when we're resilient and once we start thinking about
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  Speaker 2: energy in those ways and in the energy game, there's
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  Speaker 2: a log book that I get people to fill in
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  Speaker 2: to understand which account for you is most drawn, because
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  Speaker 2: that is where you need to start.
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  Speaker 3: It might be all three, but chances are it's just
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  Speaker 3: one or two.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so interesting hearing you talk through those things,
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  Speaker 1: because when I talk to parents who are struggling, I
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: feel like it's all of them. After the break, I
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  Speaker 1: want to talk about how we can play the energy
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: game better, the specific things that we can do to
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: boost our energy, the things that have surprised you the most,
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: and also just the fundamentals, the foundations of getting our
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: energy right because the reality is raising kids and life
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: generally can be absolutely exhausting. That's next stay with us.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: We're back as the Happy Families Podcast with Amantha Imba,
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  Speaker 1: the author of The Energy Game. This book has a
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  Speaker 1: list of I haven't counted them, Amantha, but there must
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  Speaker 1: be over fifty. I was going to say forty. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: there's over fifty ways that we can boost our energy.
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  Speaker 1: What were the things that were most surprising to you, Amantha?
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  Speaker 1: In writing the book? What' stood out to you was, oh,
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  Speaker 1: my goodness, this is a game changer.
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  Speaker 2: Well, when I was researching the book, what I wanted
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: to find was what I call the minimum viable dose
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  Speaker 2: of any of these different interventions that I write about,
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  Speaker 2: because what I felt when I was exhausted is that
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  Speaker 2: I was sick of hearing advice that I'll just sleep better,
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  Speaker 2: prioritize your sleep, prioritize your health, exercise more. And it's
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  Speaker 2: like making any kind of big change or even doing
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  Speaker 2: something that required half an hour, let alone an hour
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  Speaker 2: of my time to actually do and commit to, just
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  Speaker 2: felt completely and utterly unrealistic. For example, one of my
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: favorite challenges, and I know one that has really resonated
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: with a lot of readers because it's so bizarre and
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: not something that I had heard before I began researching
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: the science of scent, as in smells, Yes, is that Yeah,
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: getting a hit of peppermint, like smelling some peppermint oil
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  Speaker 2: or peppermint essence just for one minute significantly improves that
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  Speaker 2: energy and reduces fatigue. Oh, I love that I've got
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: the exact same thing I have.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Also, I'm just holding up my peppmint oil that I
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: have in my diffusa right next to me, because I
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: wrote about it in the book in Boys, I literally wrote,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you have no idea how much research there
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: is guys about how scent can energize or calm, how
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: it can it does so much. I didn't know the
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: data was there until I started looking into it.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: I know, I've got my own little peppermint roll on
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  Speaker 2: container that I'm holding up now that I've got on
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: my desk and I use whenever I need a boost.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Something else that I found really useful.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I think there's so much written about cold
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: water immersion, and you know, if I'm feeling tired, I
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: don't have time to go out to seven eleven and
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: get some bags of ice and track that in my
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: back and then hop in let alone the wheel power right.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: It's been really interesting research on what is the minimum
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: viable dose of cold water therapy that we can use
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: to instantly recharge. So when it comes to those that
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: are brave enough to maybe put some cold water all
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: over their body at the end of a shower, what
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: researchers have found is the minimum effective dose for waking
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: yourself up and doing it really, really quickly is just
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  Speaker 2: thirty seconds of cold water at the end of a shower.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: That is literally all you need. If you're like, there's
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: no way I'm having a cold shower, and I hear
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: you I'm in Melbourne. I struggle with that too. Is
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: just going to the sink during the middle of the
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: day and just splashing some cold water on your face.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to do two degrees, is what you're saying.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Exactly exactly. And so those are what I call boosts.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: So when you need to perform, but you are feeling
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: exhausted and you just need something super quick, a really
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: quick intervention that will up your energy. So then the
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: second type of challenge that I talk about in the
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Energy Game rest strategies, and what I see most people doing,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: and what I was absolutely guilty of doing myself is
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: fake rest. And it's kind of let me get.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Let me guess. Fake rest is when you're not doing
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: the stuff you're supposed to be doing. You're sitting down
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: and you pull out your screen and stare it, and
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: so your brain is still going and it's doing all
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: the stuff that you're supposed to be resting from, but
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: you're not actually getting the rest. Am I right?
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: You are right exactly exactly. So like think about this.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: I reckon that most people listening, busy parents are gonna
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: be like, don't tell me to rest. I don't have
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: time to rest. I'm gonna feel guilty resting. But I
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: also imagine that no one woke up today going I
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: really don't have time to look at social media today.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: I'm too busy, Like no one, No one has that thought.
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  Speaker 2: We all have time for Instagram or TikTok or whatever
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: your social media channel is of choice. Of course we do,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: and that is fake rest. It is not rejuvenating, It
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: is not recharging for your brain. Instead, it is doing
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: the opposite. It is making our brain feel more stressed.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: We need to move towards a conclusion here, a man,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: the time is getting away from us. The final pillar
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: in your energy game, after we've boosted it and rested it,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: is to protect our energy. You have a beautiful list
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: of a range of different ways that we can protect
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: our energy. What are the ones that work best for you?
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Which ones just speak to your soul and help you
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: to feel like, yes, I'm getting it right.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: One of my favorites is the yes butt strategy, and
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: I feel like this is such a great one for parents.
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  Speaker 2: I think most people don't love the feeling of saying no,
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: and a lot of us are not very good at
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: saying no. But no, it is really important to protect
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: our boundaries, and the protect section of the energy game
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  Speaker 2: is all around how do we protect our energy from
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: just leaking out and being back in you know, this
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  Speaker 2: exhausted mess where we were, and so yes, but is
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: whenever request is made on your time. Maybe it's about
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: volunteering on a school committee or at the weekend fair,
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: or coaching the sports team. Maybe it's at work. Maybe
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: it's a request to I don't know, attend this meeting
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: or help a colleague with this strategy project or something
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: like that.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's from your partner.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: Is saying yes, but so yes, I can help with
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: the school fate on the weekend, but I can only
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: be there between eleven and twelve.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: So the button boundaries.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the butt is your boundaries. The butt is the constraints.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: And so my advice is the next time you are
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: asked to do something, a request is being made on
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: your time, which of course is going to affect your energy,
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: don't just say yes, and don't just say no.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: Say yes, but think.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: About what are your conditions on this, and that is
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: your butt.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Tell me also about the never again list.
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: Look, this came from something that happened to me.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Where like you, justin, I do lots of keynotes, speaking
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: all over the place, and occasionally I'll get asked to
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: speak at a dinner event.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: And I will.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Remember I don't love speaking at dinner events, but I'll
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: say yes anyway. And this one time happened a few
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: years ago up in Sydney, where I said yes to
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: speaking at a dinner event.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: It was huge.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: It was about six hundred people, a black tie awards night,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: and it was one of the worst nights of my life.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: I got up to do a twenty minute keynote and
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: from the stage it felt like no one was listening.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: And after that experience, I said, never again am I
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: saying yes to speaking at a dinner event. But by
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: creating this never again list of literally listing out those
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: things we're through experience, I have well and truly learned
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: that I should not do this ever again. It kills
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: my energy. And then now when I must have been
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: at a dinner event, I've got mine never again less
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, no, sorry, I just don't speak at
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: dinner events.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: The book is called The Energy Game. What I love
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: about the book, Amantha, as somebody who sometimes can be
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: time poor and also struggle with energy, is that your
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: chapters are two to three pages long, maximum of four pages,
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: which means that if you're not a really high energy person.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: You can sit down and go all I'm just going
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: to read it a chapter and you feel like you've
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: completed something. It feels like an accomplishment. I just I
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: love the book. The Energy Game, a science backed system
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: to recharge without pressing pause on your life. Doctor Amantha
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Imber love having on the podcast. We should do this more.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: This has been so much fun.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: Oh we sure, Justin, thanks so much for having me.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhlan from
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Bridge Medium. Im Hanits provides our additional support. We'll link
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: to the Energy Game in the show notes so that
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: you can find it otherwise, just jump online or go
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: to the local bookstore. It will be available and it
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: will give you more energy. It will boost your life.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I will go started to say I'll guarantee it. If
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: it doesn't either didn't read it or that will give
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: you the money, But no, can I can't make that
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: promise on your Yeah, I'll give you the money bag
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: that we'll work it out if you'd like more OFFO
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: it makes you family happier. Make sure you visit us
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: at happy families dot com today