Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Navigating Kink Dynamics: The Role of Labels | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 20

Transcript

Navigating Kink Dynamics: The Role of Labels | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 20 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Around the Kinky Campfire, the Pillowfort Sessions.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: This is your host, mr Cuddle Gigolo.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I'm putting Mr on there.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: It's official now.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Aka El Comedien, aka Colonel McBree no, or just HH Julius, your entertainment creative, here to once again give you a short little episode of the Pillowfort Sessions, going on for about 30 minutes or so, talking about a specific topic.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: That's a little bit different than what we do on the main episode, trying to fill you guys in in the meantime, in between episodes and all that there.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Uh, so I wanted to talk to y'all about rolls and labels, just going to get straight into it.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I do have a drink with me, so do the little ASMR.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Five seconds, it's a Celsius Arctic vibe, not sponsored.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: All right, you can count it.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Three, two, delicious.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's get down into it.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Why do I want to talk about roles and labels?
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Everybody always asks why people have different names.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: What is the point of all this?
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: And some people are against roles and labels and I think that's kind of interesting as well.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: It's like, why would you not want to name something?
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: And, as your resident resident, as your resident robot slash nerd on all these things, I actually enjoy.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Enjoy labels and roles and what we call them and all that stuff, because you know, labels are an identity also.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: You know I think I mentioned this before I like cosplaying and dressing up as well.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: So many different options.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Why not go around and see what works for you, what doesn't work for you?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: All that in between.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: So it's interesting when people are like I don't like labels.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: It's like, yes, they are kind of like a confining, I don't know what you yeah, confining, limiting, that type of thing.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: But my thing is, labels are a like jumping off point.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: They don't just limit you like Kingster or lifestyler.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: It's like that's part of who I am.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: That's not the whole picture.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I'm definitely one of the persons that goes on to fed life, especially in the before times, back in my day, you could only choose one username and you have to stick with that.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Otherwise you have to, like, create a new profile and you only got one role.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Now we talked about this before, uh, but you have plenty old roles and plenty old labels now that you can put on your profile.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I'm glad that they updated that so you can do that and you can change your username like once every three months or so now, um, currently, and it's nice to be able to add those nuances on there.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: You are limited to only five because I understand there's most of us out there definitely myself included would it would have like 10 or 20, because, yeah, it gives you an idea and it's like I don't know what those, all those words mean.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, that that that's an interesting person there for me.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I know I like to do the research for all the different names and stuff and I got the files and all these different shared things where, uh, share files, websites, whatever you want to call it where they define all the labels and roles.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that today because there's just so many, but I have them saved for myself, so I know the ones that I have on my profile and what they mean.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, there's just so many, but I have them saved for myself, so I know the ones that I have on my profile and what they mean.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, there's a bunch of stuff all the time and we did that little fun episode where we went through some of them.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: But ever since then, I've always wanted to talk about what roles and labels, definitely what they mean to me, but just in general, as you all know in the Pillowfort sessions I get right down into the nitty gritty, the definitions and the scientific background behind all of it and then also get the information out there.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Use it if you want.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Don't listen to me, but then you know, do your own research that type of thing, see what works for you and why you like it.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: I definitely, like I said, like a minute ago, labels are an identity but they are not um restrictive.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned, it's like oh, you're into that, maybe we have that in common.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: That type of thing it gives gives you something to talk about, like especially if you're, you know, on the right side of the slash, bottom sub, whatever you want to call yourself.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: It's like you probably don't want to get in a relationship with another bottom slub, right side of the slash in general.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: This is definitely a generalization, but it's like you're probably looking for somebody on the left side of the slasher, so that helps.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: It's like what side of the slasher you're on.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: That's attributing factor to establishing a relationship.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: You want to mix with somebody that's similar on the opposite end that you are, so it's like you need a label for that.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: So how would you?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: I don't understand.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I appreciate the people that can just go out and not have labels and just kind of find people and develop.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: It's like, yes, I get that.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: That makes sense For me.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I like all the different things.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: So it's like let me know what you're into, at least give me a baseline idea and what role you're you're filling and looking for Cause.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Then it's like we can go from there.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: That's a good starting point.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Uh, but other reasons that people uh like roles and labels.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: It's good for role playing Also definitely good for dynamics.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Uh, playing also definitely good for dynamics, uh, especially beyond the physical.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: So, as a you know, what I was saying before is you usually want to find somebody that's on the other side of the slash than you are, uh, or just you know, switching or whatever.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: But labels are a good way of identifying those people and definitely, if you decide to do dynamics as well, I, during my research, I did see role playing.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh yeah, that makes sense, that that's pretty good.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Uh, because you in role playing which I probably do an episode on that is, uh, at some point, which would be very nice.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: In role playing, you want to establish a character, I guess the actual role playing, a character and everybody needs to fill a role and be identified as a character.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: You can't have everybody playing the same role, a character, because then that would be not very, it's not even not very creative.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: It's like that's going to be a very short scene or whatever you're doing, because role playing doesn't have to always be just.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: You know, in the BDSM or kink stuff in general, you know when you go see a play everybody has a different role or character.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Everybody can't be the same exact character.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Otherwise that would be a very short experience, interesting.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: But roles and labels can be defined as somewhat of a definition.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: But they're used to describe your sexual or romantic orientation, bodies and additional experience with privilege and oppression.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: They help people to understand the differences and needs, culture and personalities.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: That's like the webster's dictionary version and a lot of the articles I saw.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: That's what the definition a lot of people use to explain what a label is or a role in the BDSM sense.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: So that's the one I'm going off today.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Going off today with going with off today.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: However, you want to put it Very broad topic, trying to boil it down into something that people can use.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: So the two examples I used before role playing, usually used for the duration of an encounter or scene or play, whatever have you.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And then the actual power dynamic is a somewhat permanent fixture.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Uh, it's usually the norm because when you get into a dynamic with people, it's usually, uh, an ongoing experience.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: You in general have a contract don't always need that and your role kind of is established at the beginning and then it is the same throughout, with, of course, a few differences in the specific relationship, however you want to do, but usually they're fixed when you're, when you're entering a dynamic, rather than role-playing, which is usually only for that scene, very limited experience, uh.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: And then, when exploring dynamics, uh, the dynamic experience is not meant to be rigid but it's flexible and meant to adapt.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Uh, you can have multiple roles in in the dynamic.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: So, once again, they, the dynamic roles, don't usually change.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: But, um, once you're like talking about it and negotiating, usually they uh, uh, they're more flexible at the beginning.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: And then you know when you're vetting people or, um, trying them out, potentials and all that, uh, partners should discuss boundaries, limits and expectations through consent, communication and negotiate, negotiation, so you can build like a trust and a mutual respect when going into it.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: But labels are are good for that.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And choosing a label is good because it's essential for the power exchange, because defining authority and submission is usually the goal of a dynamic, helps for clear communication, trust and consent.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: And then just remember that bSM is diverse, so multiple labels could mean multiple things depending on the person.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: And then I know for me my roles and labels and how I like to be referred to.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Changes over the years as I get more information and more experience.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: So let's just remember that as well.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: And then also, everybody has a different definition.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: That's a big thing that people assume.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: I guess it's like you have Dom on your profile.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Does that mean you do that all the time?
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Is that an all-around thing or is it just for scenes when you're in the BSM community or is it like you do that in your regular life?
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: There's all different kinds of things.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I know for me like I'm usually dominant, but it's not a choice all the time, involuntarily type of thing, because it's like if nobody else is going to lead, then I guess I got to take the role and it's like, but I didn't really consent to do this with this specific group of people, but I kind of have to because nobody else is doing it group of people but I kind of have to because nobody else is doing it.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh goodness, so kind of developed that persona that way and now I don't know when to turn it, no, how to.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting to hear people say, oh, he's very dominant personalities, because I had to.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: It's not really I wanted to.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: I don't really know how to turn it off now and it's bled over into the online world, especially with, like my profiles.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: It's like you have a very dominant profile and it's like that's not really what I'm trying to do, because I do identify as a switch and verse and it's like, yeah, I don't want that to be assumed, that I do that with everybody and switches get hate like that sometimes.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: It's like I do switch, but I'm not going to switch roles with everybody.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: So like, ask me a question.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: So this is a big motivating factor for me to talk about this specifically, because it's like stop making assumptions, ask questions.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: And speaking of labels, in my opinion, can be used to facilitate discussions about connection and compatibility, should not be used to define limits, and there's no, like you, limits and there's no, like you know, there's no universal agreement on the definition.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: So like, ask more questions and I'm glad I saw, when I was doing my research and a lot of the articles that I came across, it's like a lot of people have the same opinion as well.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: It's like don't limit your view on somebody because of the labels that they have.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: It's like ask more questions.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: It's a good starting point.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: What does it mean for you to be on the right side of this class?
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Do you know what that phrase means?
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Right side of the slash, left side of the slash?
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Do you know the difference between top and bottom?
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Or the difference between top and bottom and all the other roles?
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: It's like some of our actions and some of our, or like a label, so something you do versus something you're called uh, that type of thing.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Do people even understand that?
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: A lot of people, you know, don't top bottom, don't make that distinction.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: It's like hmm, then you decide at that point is like do you agree to move along with this person or not?
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Because yeah, yeah, I feel you should agree on the small points and then you can move up to the bigger ones.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: But you're not agreeing on the small points and then you can move up to the bigger ones, but if you're not agreeing on the small points.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: It's like what do you have in common actually?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: And then another thing that labels do they give us words needed to self-identify, and then they describe relationships and connections and you can find communities and places to belong.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: So that's a connection thing when you're trying to find your place in life.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: If I'm a pet player or a furry, it's like I'm going to find furry groups to be a part of, because in general that's how I feel.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: So labels are good.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: In that sense.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: It's just very interesting when people say I don't like labels.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: It's like what do you mean by that?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: That?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Exactly, because that's how we connect with other people.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: If I'm into comedy and it's like I'm a stand-up comedian connoisseur, it's like I'm gonna go find other people that are into that.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I need that label to identify the other people that have a similar thing with me.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Uh, and especially, especially, everybody has a different way of thinking depending on what they connect with.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: So you know, especially like I'm part of the board game community, when I talk to people about board games, different way of thinking it's.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's like a learned skill how to play board games, but it changes the way you think like a learned skill how to play board games.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: But that changes the way you think and it's I'd like to connect people, connect with people that think and think the similar ways that I do.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: So you, you need labels to identify those people.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Um, group identity labels can be empowering because they enable community building and shared efforts.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Uh, for I guess that's more like a volunteering type thing Enables people of diverse sexualized genders, bodies and relationships to communicate with solidarity and pride.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: So in my experience, it seems like when people find their community, they're able to gain some confidence and some pride in what they do.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Of course, there's a bunch of different communities out there, so it's hard to generalize all of them.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Uh, stay able to gain some confidence and some pride in what they do.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Uh, of course there's a bunch of different, one different communities out there, so it's hard to like generalize all of them.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: But I just know from my experience, when I found my place, especially with, like, the BDSM community, it's like, ooh, I belong here, I feel better now, I'm more mentally stable and I can talk about this stuff.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: And then, you know, it took me a while to finally come out as, like, an educator on the thing, just because I had gained so much experience with it and had done research.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: It's like maybe I should teach other people about this, because I see a lot of the same questions over and over again and like people don't know where to go to get answers because the Internet, for specifics, is just horrible.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: But you can't.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: You can find information Hopefully it's mostly correct, but do your due diligence.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: As I say again, don't listen to me, do your own research.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I know it can be hard to find a lot of the times, but that's where you just develop the skill of developing a filter to figure out what's good information or not.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: And then, as long as you're being safe and doing it with somebody that's consenting to it, always try it out for yourself.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: You know, if you come across a role that you think fits with you, it's like, hey, let me go find somebody else that's into that role or the other end of that role, or looking for what I'm relating to at the time, then try that out, uh, to make sure that it fits for you.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: I'm all you know, I'm Julius is a big proponent of negotiating.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: So always negotiate and just say like, hey, this is something I'm trying out, I think it, I feel that I'm this way, but let me know what you think and then I'll you know'll test it out in this one and other things myself to see if it works.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: For me, that's totally something you can negotiate, practice.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: People make mistakes and you recover from the mistakes.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: It's only really a bad mistake if you didn't learn from it.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Always be making sure you take note and try to learn from something.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Um, a new experience, a good starting point when speaking to someone new.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Um labels are very helpful with that and not to be used for limiting and and it's more of a guidepost.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: So something, a springboard foundation to start off with.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: And yeah, roles change over the years as you learn more things, things I don't know how many times I can say that enough people like this uh, set you in a certain place in their mind.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: It's just, you know, cognitive expedience.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: And then they like oh, you weren't that way like two years ago.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: It's like, yes, it's been two years.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: You think I didn't learn anything since then.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: I hope you did, hope you're a different person since then.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: So it's like don't limit people to a role.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Stuff changes all the time.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: For me, especially, a username might change.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: People are always thrown off by that.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, it's been like five years I've used that Stuff has changed since then.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: That's the kind of thing you do.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: So I want to reiterate again roles and labels are good starting off points, but don't make the assumption that people are going to stay the same.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Change happens.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: It happens people, it happens.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: All right, campsters.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: That's a thing that's going to be a constant, constant.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Only constant is change, that's it.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Uh, labels usually fall into three categories.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: They're either given to you, earned within a community, or self-designated for personal enjoyment, or you can prefer no label at all.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: I would say given to you, or you choose it for yourself, that type of thing.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Uh, depending on what community you're in, the different kinds of labels that are there, you can choose it for yourself and then, um, some, some people get it from outside sources, or it's earned, and of course, you know you can always prefer no label at all.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: I don't want to cast judgment on people that don't prefer labels.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Like I said, I'm very jealous of those people that can go anywhere.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: It just kind of makes my brain hurt when it's like well, what do you are?
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I don't identify with anything.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: It's like what does that mean yeah, I don't like labels, it's just very confusing for me, but I am very jealous of it.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: You can go out through your day like that and life like that and it still works for you.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, everybody has choices and that's usually the categories that labels and roles fall into.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: It's very wrong to have expectations associated with labels.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Again, I'm going to keep saying that.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: That's probably my number one reason for talking about this today in this episode.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Do not make assumptions, Okay, do not make assumptions, expectations so bad.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: And then, especially if you're going to start going down that path, make sure you confirm with the person what does this role label mean to you?
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Everybody has different definitions.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: I cannot say that enough.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: There's like five things I need to repeat over and over again Because people make these assumptions.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're that, that means this, and it's like no, because I have sub on there, it does not mean I'm just gonna let anybody just bend me over and smack me on the ass.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: That's not how that works.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Not how that works.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: First, we need to have a conversation, let's get to know each other, that type of thing, and you see that all the time.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, you have this as your role.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: That means this is like whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: How about you ask me what it means to me before you just make this assumption?
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: People like to place people in boxes to try and simplify their lives, like I say, cognitive expedience.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: All labels have multiple meanings per person.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: It is a spectrum.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: There's different meanings to all the different labels.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Also, you don't know what experience level that person's in that you're talking to.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Let's make sure that you know they're going off the same thing.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: There's been people that identify with a certain gender, but then they put the other name.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: The other say they identify as like male or female, but then you know you have Dom versus Dom A.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: People like to make that distinction and then they'll put that on their profile and it's like wait, are you cisgendered or transgender?
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, hey, so you sit, but you know that's for females or males, do you?
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Wait, I'm so confused.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Are you exploring the different gender roles as well?
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: No, oh, okay, well, did you know that?
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: And it's like oh yeah, I'm new, I didn't know the difference.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: And it's like ah, see, you just learned some more information about that person.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: So it's like how did you come across that in the first place.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about that.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: What does that mean to you exactly?
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Do you understand the word that you put on your profile that you say you identify with?
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: That type of thing?
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I know for me that lets me see if somebody's being genuine or not and if they're actually doing their research or they're just kind of just going out there and just slapping stuff on and not seeing how it works.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Going out there and just slapping stuff on and not seeing how it works, because you put it on your profile but you didn't do any research and like asked or asked questions or something.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: But, like I said, everybody makes mistakes but it helps to know what their authenticity level is.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I can say words, so it's a good starting point as far as I'm concerned with that.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Um, and then, yeah, use some clear up misunderstandings and give the heads up easier.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: It's easier to have discussions and fill the need for belonging and give relief.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: That there is a term to describe how you feel.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: I know for me, especially when I found the word demisexual and the A-spectrum in general, it's like, oh, there's people that are sex adverse, turned off completely by the thought of being physically with somebody else in that sense, in the sexual sense and it's like, oh my goodness, I relate to these people, I understand now, open me up to a whole new world.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I understand why I don't just want to go out there and get my dick wet.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Uh, when talking to people, it's like, oh, oh, this makes more sense now.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, I can't hook up with random people.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: It's not possible for me.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: This is why.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: So I once again really enjoy labels for that reason.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: There's a community out there and I can get on the reddits or whatever, and the other people relate to me and I see all the different comments and stories.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I feel you, my friend.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: I'm the same way.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I don't understand hookup culture either.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Why would you do this, oh goodness.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: And especially in the BSM community, I don't understand pickup play.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: That's just what.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Why would you do that?
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Let's have a few drinks, talk about different things.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Coffee is a drink as well, so you can do that for the non-alcohol people.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: But it's so confusing to me.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: And now I know why.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: And there's other people that relate to me, so we can all relate together and have these discussions.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: It's okay to be different.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: You know how that started?
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Because there was a label for it and I did my research and I figured out why.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Why is this label here?
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, that makes sense now.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Because that, because that, because that I mean they really haven't figured out where, if it's genetic or like due to your environment, but whatever the reason, I'm, I'm demisexual and that's definitely one of the main labels that I identify with and hopefully give off present that way.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: So yeah, all those different things, it's very interesting.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: Once you get down into all the different labels and there's so many I feel like they're just adding more.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: It's so interesting for me to see, let's see.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: And then labels allow you to tell someone who doesn't know you how you see yourself in the world.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I know, especially with my vanilla friends, they're interested, slash, confused by all the different things.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: But then once you explain, oh, this is how I am and there's a name for it, it's like it just makes more sense for people.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: I know it's very normal in regular society for people to have relationship labels you know, girlfriend, boyfriend, that type of thing.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: It's helpful for them to be able to understand, like, who you're with and everything.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: That's the negative.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: That's that box I was talking about.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Um, it's good that you need something to help you understand, but it's like still ask more questions just because I say this person is a girlfriend or boyfriend.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: It's like what does that mean exactly, especially if you're in the poly community?
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Yay, another, another label.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Completely different for us what that means.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: And even in the communities themselves, the different um words have different definitions, um.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: So that's why I always want to reiterate always ask questions, have a conversation before you just make an assumption from a label because not, hopefully, at some point in your life you're going to come across a community and hopefully you enjoy being a part of that community.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: But it's like there's going to be more questions you're going to have.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: You know you got to have some way of jumping off.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: I kind of lost my point with this little rant that I had.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: You're going to be part of a community and people are going to make assumptions.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Hopefully they ask you more questions about it and hopefully you know those answers as well.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: But being able to relate to a community is great and you know even the smart people say it, the scientists say it you have to uh, you have to be social.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: You should be social.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: People that are part of communities and social live longer.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: That's what the research says.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: So I know for me, labels and in roles help me with that to uh understand that.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: And I feel like in the bsm community we have more conversations in general and then, because there are so many roles and labels, there's uh, I mean assumptions happen, but more discussion is invoked, uh, and it's like normalized to have a discussion because that's what that's uh helpful for all the different things that we have.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: So communities with more roles and labels have more discussions.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: It seems like and then once again, not judging anybody, but the people in vanilla world or normies or whatever you want to call them doesn't really happen, because it's kind of assumed, because it's the majority, so it's like, oh okay, we're the majority, we really don't need to talk about this stuff.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: It's like, but you should still talk about this stuff.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: This is still a thing to talk about.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: Hopefully this episode inspired you to talk more.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: Have a a conversation, people, and don't make assumptions.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Don't make assumptions Not to be limiting A place to talk about.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: So I hope I got to convince somebody of that.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: That labels are good for that reason.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: They spark conversation, if nothing else.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Ask a question, you get an answer, and it's always different for other people.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: So always ask that.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like, I don't understand the thing of like just have a role with somebody.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: But that should inspire conversation, not just like limit people.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, you're that like, why would you not ask what that means to that person?
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: It's always different, like if you had a conversation with anybody.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Like their opinion differs, whatever it is.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: You know, whatever the popular thing is, there's always going to be somebody that has a differing opinion.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: So asking why is a good place to start.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: All right, so I think I rambled enough about roles and labels very, uh, generic topic to talk about very much an umbrella thing, but I think I found enough information for this to be an actual talking point.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Uh, the articles I found were very generic as well.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: It's like I want to know why we have labels.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: I get why we, why labels are good, but it's like why do we have them in the first place?
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, so this might be a topic I'll talk about multiple times times as well, because it's just how the topic is.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: But I feel labels are good as a talking point, not an eliminating thing.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Have more conversations because of the labels.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: Don't just use cognitive expedience to make assumptions and they're usually going to be wrong.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: They're usually going to be wrong.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Unspoken expectations slash assumptions lead to long-term resentment.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I'm going to feel that way and agree with that quote for a long time.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: That's how it is.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: So let's get more conversation going, people, but anyways, that's it for now.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: This is your host, hh Julius, the entertainment creative also known as the Cuddle Gigolo.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Still haven't jumped on that.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: I should probably get on that at some point.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: El Comedien, gerald McBee, colonel McBee, major McBee, whatever it is.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Jokingly, this has been the Pillowfort sessions of Around the Kinky Campfire podcast.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: Most of the time, episodes are like every other Thursday.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Most of the time we'll see taking a little break for a little bit.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: The Pillowfort sessions are in between there, but the regular episodes should be every second and fourth Thursdays of the month, with an asterisk next to that, available on all major platforms.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Please go and review, give us those stars if you feel like you enjoy this, but thank you for the people that continue to download even though we take breaks.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: I see that on the things and really appreciate that when it happens.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: But that's all for now, hello.