Latest / Sacred She Reset: Awakening Your Radiant Wisdom in Midlife / Have You Mistaken Self-Override for Strength? | 001

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Have You Mistaken Self-Override for Strength? | 001 · Sacred She Reset: Awakening Your Radiant Wisdom in Midlife

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Cherie Ashana: You're listening to the Sacred She Reset podcast.
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If you're a woman in midlife who's done doing this alone and
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ready for real conversations, real wisdom, and real radiance,
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you're exactly where you need to be. I'm your host Sharia Shana.
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Your path to radiance starts here. Welcome, welcome,
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beautiful sisters, to the first episode of Sacred She Reset,
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awakening your radiant wisdom. And who wants more of radiant
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wisdom in their life? I know I do. I could do definitely do
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with some more. So I'm Sharia Shana, and I want to begin this
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very, very first podcast because this is super special, and we're
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laying the foundations, we're laying the pathway to these
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beautiful conversations, and I'd like to share with you something
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that I don't share with many people, and to give you a little
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bit of behind the scenes and my backstory of how this has all
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come about and why Sacred She reset, and so it didn't begin
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with a business plan or plugging in the microphone this morning
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and going, "Hey, I got a great idea. Let's talk to some
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beautiful women out there, and yeah, there's a little bit of
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podcast strategy that always helps have a bit of structure.
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But it didn't even start with the the book that is has the
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same name. So recently launched my book Sacred She Reset. It
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began a very very very long time ago, and it began with with me
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being in a body that I just did not understand. You know, there
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was just so much going on and so much happening. It was a body
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that had been operated on, medicated, examined, managed,
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and spoken about for years by other people, and so I had to
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really, truly learn how to listen.
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So I'm sure there are a lot of you out there that can relate to
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this, and you know, perhaps it's something that you you ladies
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are journeying through in midlife now, and you're looking
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at your body and your energy and your emotions, and you're
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wondering what is happening to me. And so, I feel like I would
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be doing you, the listener, the lady out there that this is
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touching. I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't bring
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this message to the airwaves. And there is so much within all
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of this that I'm going to be sharing with you that is going
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to ripple through your life, and it may be one magic word. It may
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be someone that I interview. It could be anything, and it could
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be just that one thing that really helps to shape and change
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your life. And that is what I'm really passionate about. But for
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that to happen, I feel we need to be on the same page, and we
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need to get to know each other. So that means me coming in with
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my full vulnerability to meet you where you're at, and so that
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you can go, "Hey, that's a woman right there who's who who knows
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what she's talking about. That's a woman right there who's
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experienced what I'm experiencing. You know, it's
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there's so much out there, and it's it can be difficult to
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normalize or stabilize in this, you know, high tech, high
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energy, fast moving life and pace and and and place that
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we're in right now in 2026, and so I'm here to help ground some
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of some of this in and some of our experiences in as women, so
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that we can really learn from each other and understand that
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it's okay to show up in our vulnerability, and there there
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are like-minded women out there that are wanting to support you.
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And coming from a space of not having that, in my young, being
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a young woman and growing up, I felt very isolated, and so this
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is where my fire comes from. It comes from my own journey of
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experiencing a lot of trauma through being medicalized all
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the time or pathologized. Constantly, and if I can just
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hand a little piece of that and share it, and that you get
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something from that, then I've done my job. So thank you for
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being here. This is a really, really big deal. Yeah, I I don't
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have all the answers.
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I I really don't have all the answers, but I I do have this
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capacity to hold and to to share and to present and presence with
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the people that I'm interviewing, and also even
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here, like on my own in the studio, like being able to be
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with you and know that you're listening and speak to that and
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speak to your heart. And so here you are, maybe going, "What is
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happening to me? And perhaps you've spent years being
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capable, dependable, strong. You've kept going. You've cared
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for others, you've carried responsibilities, and found a
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way through whatever life has placed in front of you. And I
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know a lot of you can relate to this. Yet, under underneath all
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of that capability, something feels different now. Maybe you
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feel exhausted in a way that rest does not seem to fix
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anymore. Maybe your body no longer responds as it once did.
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Maybe your emotions feel closer to the surface. I know I can
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relate to that one. Maybe you have started questioning who you
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are, what you want, and whether the life that you have built
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still fits the woman you are becoming. So this podcast was
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created for that woman, and if that's you, I invite you to keep
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listening. And like I said, it's not because I have all the
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answers, but it's because I know what it feels like to search for
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answers while feeling alone inside my own experience, and so
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my relationship with my body became complicated at a very
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early age in life, and it was even before. I'm going to start
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with 15, but it was even before that. But I'm going to start
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with where it was really significant, and so from the age
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of 15, I was in and out of doctors' offices, hospitals, and
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specialist appointments.
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Over the years, there were repeated gynecological problems,
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surgeries, hormonal treatments, and long, very long periods of
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recovery. Now, you know, I'm in my 50s now, and I'm talking. You
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know, when I was 15, so we're going back 35 years, and you
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know, a lot of the decisions were just like just cut it out,
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open her up, cut it out. Have another surgery, and so you
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might be just starting to get a little bit of an idea of my
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journey, and so my body became something that was constantly
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being investigated and managed, and that was exhausting within
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itself. There were people discussing her, prescribing her,
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and operating on her, and but I, I yet didn't understand her
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myself. You know, being 15 and having some pretty major
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surgeries that were going to change the trajectory of my life
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as far as whether I could have children or not, and there were
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some pretty big decisions going on for me. That you know, and
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you you you kind of hand that trust over, like oh, they know
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better they're in a position of they know better and so when I
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refer to her in this episode or if any of the episodes that are
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relating to you know prescribing her operating on her I'm talking
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about the body her as a as a beautiful vessel, and in this
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situation, you know where I didn't even understand my own
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relationship with her as yet. That came many years later. So
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at 21, I left home and began traveling the world. For the
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next part of 15 years, I lived and worked in different
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countries. I built a life filled with movement, adventure, and
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independence. And boy, doesn't that sound good? And from the
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outside, I looked strong. And in many ways, I was. I always had
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this spontaneous vibe. To follow the flow, follow what was next.
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I'd often get bored very quickly, so I just was like
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jumping into the next thing. But underneath that strength, there
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was a pattern I would not understand until much, much
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later. I'd become really, really, really good at enduring.
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I could recover from a surgery and then gather myself together
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and then continue. I could manage pain, uncertainty, and
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disruptions, and then get back on a plane and return to my
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life. It was like just off we go next. I could fall down and get
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back up again, and I'm not just saying falling off my bike.
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I mean literally big meltdowns in life, and I could get back
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up, and still can, and get back up and dust myself off and go
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again and again and again. And I'm just wondering if any of you
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are relating to this, and at the time, and yeah, even up until
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recently, I I would have called that I was calling that
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resilience, and and resilience, ladies, is important.
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Absolutely, we we need to cultivate a level of resilience.
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But what I've been exploring and looking into lately is that some
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of that resilience and that you know that we're saying, "Hey,
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I'm so resilient, I'm so strong, I can get up and start again,
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and some of it is also self override, and that's that's the
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space where I come in. That's the space where, through much of
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my life, I I was overriding the self, fully overriding my body
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and those messages that were coming in so strong, and but I
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would just be like, no, I'm going to get up and I'm going to
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keep going. I I had become brilliant, like I mean, a master
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at surviving what was happening to me without learning how to
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belong to my own body, and I really I feel like I want to
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repeat that and have you hear that again? It's like I had
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become brilliant at surviving what was happening to me without
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learning how to belong inside my own body. So I was becoming
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really good at, you know, deflecting all of this off what
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was going on around me, and I mean there was experiences. I
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remember traveling through Namibia, and Namibia is in
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Africa. For those of you that don't know, amazing country, and
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I was on an overland safari, and just to give you a little bit of
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context, so you understand. It was I was having surgeries
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nearly every 12 months to to the day, and I was having these big
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ovarian cysts growing, and then they would, in this case, when I
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was in Namibia, I had one rupture, and so this was the
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pattern of this pain and this this cysts occurring within my
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body, and so I was rushed to this little hospital in the
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middle of the, I think it was the Swakampun, Swakampun. I
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don't know if I'm saying that correctly, but Swakampun
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Hospital, and it was in the middle of the desert, and so
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there was things happening in there.
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Going, oh my god, no, they wanted to operate on me for
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something completely different. Then that's a whole other story
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within itself. But I was bleeding, I was in pain, and
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lucky in that situation, I had health health insurance, travel
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insurance, so I was flown down to Cape Town, but there were
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other surgeries in Australia, in the United Kingdom, in South
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Africa. There were bowel obstructions, procedures through
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my lower abdomen, and recovery periods that could last eight
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weeks or more. And so, for any of you that haven't had a major
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surgery before, it's often an 868, 12 week recovery period,
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and when you've had surgery in your lower abdomen several
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times, you know they're cutting through the abdomen wall. So
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there's you know you're bent over, you're trying to you know
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re reestablish your core. There's a whole lot of things,
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and so each time I would eventually stand up, return to
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work, return to traveling, and I would just carry on. So I would
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just get up and down, recover and continue, and I would take
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this cycle or constant. Leave for years and years and years
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and years and years, and it was, you know, I guess I know now,
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looking back on this, but my body was screaming at me. It was
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screaming at me. I was handing everything over to to others to
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manage Me, and I want to be really clear. Like this is, I
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wasn't down and out on my luck. I was receiving care. You know,
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I had care. I had support. There were medical professionals who
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helped me through very, very serious situations, and because
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this is not about me bagging out the medical system at all, and
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if I hadn't had some of those surgeries, I don't know where I
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would have been.
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So, but often I felt that individual symptoms were being
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treated without anyone stepping back and understanding my
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experience as a whole woman, and so this is where, you know, I
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started to really learn about what it means to look at our
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bodies in a holistic manner, in a holistic way, and I sometimes
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felt as though treatments, different treatments, were being
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tried on my body while the deeper questions remained
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unanswered, and that was that. That's when I very much felt
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outside of myself. I very much felt like I was just looking
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outside of my life, and you know, I just, I just had no idea
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what was going on. So, what was this doing to me emotionally,
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how many years of intervention had affected my sense of safety?
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These are big questions. These are big questions I've reflected
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upon for a long time. You know, what relationship did I have
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with my body? Did I still trust my body. Did I trust myself? And
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back then, they they were questions I did not know how to
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ask. You know, it wasn't until much later, until you know, I I
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was in this space of I just needed to survive. I literally
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just needed to survive. I just needed to survive to the next
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surgery or the the next whatever was happening. And you know,
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it's all wonderful in hindsight now. You know, I look back and
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go, "Oh, I could have done this and could have done that, but I
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I did. I felt. I just didn't feel safe in my body. I didn't.
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I felt very, very, very alone. But the great thing is, a
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turning point came when I was 33. I had been placed on HRT at
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around 2829, and I had been trying different sorts of
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hormones and pills and all different things, and something
18:11
inside of me just like clicked.
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There was something inside of me. I guess it was there was a
18:17
moment there where it was the straw that broke the camel's
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back, right? And I'd say probably that moment for me was
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when I was self-medicating and self-injecting in South Africa.
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I lived in South Africa, owned a fresh-cut flower farm, very
18:36
distant from any form of medical care or anything like that, and
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I was needing to to self medicate. So what I mean by that
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is, when I had the little messages coming through that
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bowel obstruction or something was on the way, I would I was
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lucky enough to have high dose buscapan to stop spasming, and
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at the time, my partner would inject buscapan, and I would go
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through the cycle of trying to self manage. But at 33, I spent
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15 years at that time, probably, and actually more between
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symptoms, treatment, surgery, and recovery. So I was doing
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that loop over and over and over, and I remember reaching a
19:33
point where something inside of me just-it was that thing. It
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snapped. It was that straw that broke the camel's back, and it
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was literally this empowering moment where I just said,
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"Enough! Enough of giving away my power, giving away the
19:50
responsibility of my own body, like giving that away to others.
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Enough of believing that someone outside." Of me would eventually
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arrive with the one answer that would make everything make
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sense. So I was really relying heavily on others. I realized I
20:13
could not continue relating to my body, though she, as though
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she was a problem being handed from one person to another, and
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that's it's it's not the greatest place to be. I must
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just say it's you feel very disempowered when you're in this
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position, and you know, like I said before, there was just this
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moment something clicked in me, and it wasn't it it wasn't a
20:45
lightning bolt or this perfect roadmap, and it wasn't a wise
20:49
woman appearing at the door with a basket of herbs and the
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complete meaning of my life, which frankly would have saved
20:58
some time. And I wondering where she might be out there, but
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instead there was uncertainty. I there was trial and error, and I
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was questioning every decision because this was new. This was
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new now to to now navigate new territory on my own and go. I'm
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taking my power back.
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And the other thing was, I just I did not realize that there was
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so many other women walking a similar road, feeling unheard,
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confused, disconnected from their bodies, while quietly
21:28
trying to hold their lives together. And so, what began is
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I began to discover was that the body is not simply a machine
21:42
waiting to malfunction, is it's not. We we are constantly, our
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bodies are constantly seeking homeostasis, and our bodies
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carry this wisdom and this intelligence that we just do not
22:00
give it credit for, and our bodies have this rhythm and a
22:05
memory and an instinct, and it has its own language. And it it
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it took me a long time to realize this. So, and and also,
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I want to be clear here: it doesn't mean that every symptom
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has a simple emotional meaning, and you know, absolutely yes.
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There's there's a meaning behind all the things, but it it does
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not mean that every symptom has an emotional meaning, and it and
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it certainly does not mean we could reject medical care. So I
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want that to be clear. It means that medical care and
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self-listening do not have to be opposites. So we can receive all
22:51
the professional care, and we can support ourselves and
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communicate and be in communion with our bodies at the same
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time. We can say yes or no. We can feel empowered, so we can
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ask questions. We can ask questions. We can become more
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informed. We can participate in decisions. We can understand
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that healing is not always the removal of every symptom, and
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that's a big important one. I think there's a bit of a
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confusion around, you know.
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Oh, I'm healed when I'm healed when when this happens or
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whatever. And there is always our bodies are always going to
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be sending signals and messages, and for us to understand, and
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you know we're not going to be able to remove everything that's
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happening to us not at once. It's a journey. It's a process,
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and sometimes healing begins with changing the relationship
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we have with ourselves first, and that's what I had to do. I
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had to do. I had to start listening differently. I entered
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years of study and exploration. I studied iridology, and for
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those of you that don't know what iridology is, it's where we
24:12
take photographs of the eyes, and it's the study of the the
24:18
iris and your pupil and the sclera, the white of the eyes. I
24:24
studied Australian bushflower essences, herbalism, NLP, art
24:28
therapy, somatic practices, sound, voice, and other forms of
24:32
holistic well-being. And it has my journey has been a constant
24:38
one of learning and unraveling, and you know how can I improve
24:44
here? Why is that happening? You know, I like to unpack things.
24:47
Why is that happening? Let's look at the deeper level. And so
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I began to see that I'd spent years overriding what I felt in
24:57
order to remain functional. I had learned to disconnect from
25:02
my needs so that I could keep moving. I had confused being
25:06
strong with never stopping. I had believed that if I could
25:11
endure something, then perhaps it was not affecting me. And so
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it was that that whole thing of like, oh no, I'll just ignore
25:19
it; it'll go away. How many of you can? How many of you can
25:22
relate to that? But the body remembers what the mind learns
25:27
to normalize, and that's big. The more I listened, the more I
25:34
understood that true well-being could not only be about treating
25:38
the physical body; it also had to include the emotions we
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carry, the identity we have formed, the voice we have
25:45
silenced, the joy we have postponed, and the ways we have
25:51
learned to abandon ourselves in order to belong. That
25:55
understanding eventually became the foundation of my work, and
25:59
so there's another layer to this story, which is really
26:02
interesting, and so my body continued. You know, at 33, I I
26:09
shifted gears, and I, and then I, be started looking at
26:18
holistic practices and the way I can become more in communication
26:22
with my body, and how I can learn to trust her again. But
26:27
then, at 3038, I had my last bleed. I had gone into at the
26:35
time I was married, and we tried a round of IVF that was
26:39
unsuccessful, and I went into not long after that.
26:45
And I don't know if many of you have been through IVF, but you
26:49
understand there's a lot of there's a lot of hormone therapy
26:52
with that, and that I went into early menopause, and that was
26:59
all recorded on paper. You know, it was all written down, you
27:02
know. But what surprised me was that my experience did not
27:07
unfold in the way I had been told to expect, and I guess that
27:15
brings me to the part of there was no for me. I guess I didn't
27:21
know what to expect. I didn't know what was coming when you
27:25
finish your bleed. What's next? There's not a lot of information
27:31
out there, and this is going on what 1213, years ago now. But
27:37
there, you know, now there's a lot of hype around this, you
27:41
know, talking about what to, how to how to prepare and how to
27:45
manage things, and and there's a lot of information out there,
27:48
ladies. By the way, and as a side note, there's a lot of
27:54
other things there I can talk about, but anyway, I'm going to
27:56
keep it keep it clean, and There's there's intense changes
28:04
that come in in many ways when we start to approach midlife,
28:11
and we we go into perimenopause, which is the most chaotic time,
28:15
and we you know we go into menopause and postmenopause, but
28:22
There was just so much that taught me around, you know.
28:26
All of a sudden, my bleed had stopped, and to be honest, it's
28:30
almost like I really wanted it to stop years and years before
28:35
because it was so painful for me. It was such a painful
28:37
process, irregular cycles that I could not count on, and and so,
28:45
what it taught me is there is no perfect timeline for all of
28:48
this, and it it really does happen in a in a timeline that
28:57
is is is right for you, and it's what happening for you at the
29:01
time, and what what what has been going on in your life
29:05
medically or not medically, or your journey or whatever. So
29:13
there's there's so much you can read and educate yourself on out
29:17
there about we need to really be listening to our body's wisdom
29:23
and our body's truth that is has been sitting there all along for
29:29
us. And so, I I wrote Sacred She Reset last year. I took took out
29:37
the time to write a book, and it wasn't just something that was
29:43
like quick five minutes and done. It I had had pieces of it
29:46
from my journey, and I wrote it pretty much for the woman I was
29:52
at 33 who needed. I didn't have a map. I didn't have anything
29:57
that I could. Like, call upon or look upon, and so I wrote the
30:06
book because it all came from my lived experience and of the
30:12
practices and the study and the healing that I had done, and
30:19
these imperfect attempts to understand myself, and I just it
30:26
came also came through and channeled through me because I
30:28
just do not want another woman to spend years believing she has
30:33
to work this all out on her own. And sacred, she reset is the
30:38
beginning. It's the doorway.
30:40
There is just so much more, but I had to. It's already a beast
30:43
at 482 pages, right? But it really is the foundational work.
30:48
It's the foundational pathway of coming back in touch with the
30:51
body, understanding a little bit more about our rhythms. So I do
30:55
not want a woman to enter midlife believing that the
30:58
changes they are experiencing mean their body is years behind
31:01
them, and this is the other reason why you're sitting here
31:06
today, listening to this podcast because it's all birth from all
31:10
of this, and I feel so grateful, like beyond grateful. And we'll
31:17
talk about menopause and the body, and we'll also be talking
31:22
about identity and voice and relationships and energy and joy
31:27
and purpose and rest boundaries healing creativity and the quiet
31:33
patterns that keep capable women running on empty. And so some of
31:39
the episodes will be just me having a chat with you like this
31:43
over a cup of tea, and then others. I'm going to be bringing
31:46
in the most divine women. I've got. I've already been doing
31:51
some amazing interviews with such amazing women, and they
31:54
come from being practitioners, teachers, mums, aunties.
31:59
They're experts, and they all have this wisdom that helps us
32:07
to understand this season of our life more deeply. And you know
32:12
what? Sometimes I'm just going to invite you to have a pause,
32:17
and take some time out, and just breathe, and just breathe, and
32:24
just be here with me. So, before we finish, I just want to leave
32:35
you with a question: Where in your life have you mistaken
32:42
override for strength? Perhaps it's in the way you work, the
32:50
way you care for others, the way you ignore fatigue, the way you
32:56
minimize your pain, the way you keep saying, "Ah, I'm fine,
33:00
honey. I'm doing my best, honey. Because explaining the truth
33:06
feels too difficult. So I want you to know something today.
33:11
This is really, really, really important. Awareness is not a
33:16
small beginning. It is often the moment the door first opens. If
33:22
something in this episode has spoken to you, I invite you to
33:28
like and share this podcast, and subscribe to the Sacred She
33:35
Reset.
33:36
And I'd love you to leave a review if you feel so called to.
33:41
And the other invitation is to come and join the Sacred She
33:44
Research Circle on Facebook. It's a private community where
33:47
we're just connecting and chatting and talking about
33:49
midlife and what we're navigating through. And if you
33:52
do come over and join us, introduce yourself and tell us
33:56
what what is the one thing this season of your life is asking
34:00
you to notice. So come as you are. I'm Sharia Shana, and this
34:06
is Sacred She Reset, awakening your radiant wisdom. You are not
34:11
falling apart. You are becoming, and your radiance starts here.