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Let’s talk about Sex(ually Transmitted Debt) baby · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: She's on the Money. She's on the Money. Hello and
0:13
Speaker 1: welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials
0:15
Speaker 1: who want financial freedom. My name is Georgia King. I'm
0:18
Speaker 1: a copywriter and journalism student with some money smarts, but
0:21
Speaker 1: still with stacks to learn. Thankfully, as always, I am
0:25
Speaker 1: joined by the lady with all of the money smarts,
0:27
Speaker 1: financial advisor, Victoria to fine.
0:30
Speaker 2: Hello, Georgia, I am well that's good.
0:33
Speaker 1: Now today on the show we are going to be
0:35
Speaker 1: talking STDs, but not the itchy ones we usually hear
0:39
Speaker 1: about loll oh.
0:41
Speaker 2: You funny gals.
0:42
Speaker 1: Instead, we are going to be chatting about sexually transmitted debt, which, yes,
0:47
Speaker 1: may sound a little crass or even a little far fetched,
0:50
Speaker 1: but trust us, it is a very real thing. In fact,
0:54
Speaker 1: a recent study found that fifty two percent of Australians
0:57
Speaker 1: had lied about their debts or hidden spendings those close
1:00
Speaker 1: to them. Now, before we do unpack this huge topic, though, Victoria,
1:05
Speaker 1: how's your week been, money wins or confessions? What's been happening?
1:07
Speaker 2: Straight into it, straight into I have had a great week, Georgia. Key, Before,
1:12
Speaker 2: thank you so much for those playing along home. It
1:15
Speaker 2: has been my birthday recently, which means lots of money wins,
1:19
Speaker 2: lots of being spoilt and looked after, which I am
1:22
Speaker 2: very very grateful for. But when I was thinking about
1:26
Speaker 2: it this week, I was like, what money win do
1:28
Speaker 2: I actually have that I can share That I think
1:30
Speaker 2: is my favorite money win of the week. And it's
1:33
Speaker 2: not birthday related. I just wanted to know it was
1:36
Speaker 2: my birthday. I needed a little bit of attention. My
1:38
Speaker 2: money win is that I have actually started doing my
1:41
Speaker 2: own Shollac nails at home and it is so much
1:45
Speaker 2: easier than I thought it would be.
1:47
Speaker 1: What even is Schillac?
1:48
Speaker 2: What do you mean? What is Shilac? Are you whoa ob?
1:53
Speaker 1: Sorry nail?
1:54
Speaker 2: So it's like a gel manicure that you can do
1:56
Speaker 2: at home that sets under an led light, that lasts
2:00
Speaker 2: for I think mine last for about ten to fifteen
2:03
Speaker 2: days in perfect nick, which I love. But because I
2:07
Speaker 2: live in the Melbourne CBD or close to the Melbourne CBD,
2:10
Speaker 2: usually pay about forty forty five dollars for a manicure,
2:13
Speaker 2: we Shillac Okay, depending on where you go, can be
2:16
Speaker 2: a little bit more expensive than that. And I bought
2:19
Speaker 2: my Shillac kit for a whole fifty dollars, including three colors,
2:24
Speaker 2: a top and a base coat of it. Yeah, and
2:27
Speaker 2: I have done probably upwards of five manicures over the
2:29
Speaker 2: last that's great. A couple of months on myself, and
2:33
Speaker 2: I think that's a pretty good money we win.
2:34
Speaker 1: You'll have to do me a little.
2:36
Speaker 2: I want to do a little manicure. Well, we can
2:38
Speaker 2: do it right after we've finished recording.
2:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, sounds good.
2:40
Speaker 2: So Georgia King, before I ask you if you want
2:43
Speaker 2: a manicure, would you like to tell me a money
2:45
Speaker 2: win or confession.
2:46
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people have probably done this
2:47
Speaker 1: over the last little while. They've quit their gym memberships.
2:50
Speaker 2: Oh I need to do that.
2:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, because the gyms have been closed, I think
2:53
Speaker 1: a lot of reopened now. But I had to say no,
2:55
Speaker 1: go because now I'm living with mum and dad. I'm
2:57
Speaker 1: an hour and a half away from the gym. It
2:59
Speaker 1: just isn't plausible anymore. Yeah, so yeah, I'm not paying
3:02
Speaker 1: for that. And I've actually found heaps of good YouTube
3:05
Speaker 1: kind of pilates and yoga videos.
3:06
Speaker 2: So also, if you've got a favorite still.
3:08
Speaker 1: Sculpted yoga with Adrian is my fet Oh my gosh,
3:12
Speaker 1: I loved you Yes, I love her. She's beautiful.
3:14
Speaker 2: She is beautiful, and her voice is so calming.
3:16
Speaker 1: She's such a chiller and she's not pretentious at all.
3:18
Speaker 2: No, I love it. I actually got my mum onto
3:21
Speaker 2: them and now she does them. I love it.
3:22
Speaker 1: It's good and it's free and it's amazing and yeah,
3:26
Speaker 1: I'm xen.
3:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you can set up a little yoga studio
3:28
Speaker 2: or light exactly. It's a really nice afternoon with Adre.
3:34
Speaker 1: That's what's happened in my world.
3:35
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm excited that you found her.
3:38
Speaker 1: Now, let us take a quick little look at the
3:40
Speaker 1: Facebook community, Victoria. Did anyone stand out to you this week?
3:44
Speaker 2: Yes, they did, Georgia King, I am actually really excited.
3:48
Speaker 2: I have a money win from our friend Miranda.
3:52
Speaker 1: Miranda, you would.
3:53
Speaker 2: Have seen this post.
3:54
Speaker 1: I think we all saw.
3:55
Speaker 2: I think we all saw this post because it got
3:57
Speaker 2: more than ten thousand lives. So, she said, good news story.
4:01
Speaker 2: In April twenty eighteen, I got my pre approval with
4:04
Speaker 2: my boyfriend at the time, ready to buy our house,
4:08
Speaker 2: and he left her three days later. It's not great. Yeah,
4:11
Speaker 2: let's call him that, she said. I was heartbroken, had
4:14
Speaker 2: no idea how it'd ever be able to afford a
4:16
Speaker 2: home on my own. So I worked as hard as
4:18
Speaker 2: I could, got myself a job and promotion, and saved
4:21
Speaker 2: everything I earned after looking at properties for the last
4:25
Speaker 2: twelve months and always losing out and getting my heart
4:28
Speaker 2: broken again and again by getting way too attached properties.
4:31
Speaker 2: Last week she bought her own home one hundred percent
4:35
Speaker 2: on her own, with no help. And she has the
4:38
Speaker 2: cutest photo of her putting her souled sticker up, so cute.
4:42
Speaker 2: I love this and.
4:43
Speaker 1: I did it all of the community.
4:44
Speaker 2: Literally, there were so many pieces of engagement on that
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Speaker 2: it was insane. Yeah, I loved it anyway, Miranda, congratulations.
4:54
Speaker 2: That is so exciting and I'm so glad that she's
4:58
Speaker 2: on the money community was the space you wanted to
5:00
Speaker 2: share that with absolutely, Georgia. Do you have one or
5:02
Speaker 2: did you try and pick Miranda's as well?
5:04
Speaker 1: I wanted Miranda's as well, but I'll let you have it.
5:08
Speaker 1: I've chosen one from Brie, who has a money win
5:10
Speaker 1: as well. She's essentially said that she's sorted out her
5:14
Speaker 1: phone plan after months of putting it off, and she's
5:17
Speaker 1: now halved her monthly bill. She said she'd tried a
5:20
Speaker 1: few times already, but it was always kind of half
5:22
Speaker 1: hearted and now she's got it done, so she's pocketing
5:26
Speaker 1: that away for some savings.
5:27
Speaker 2: And again is that.
5:28
Speaker 1: I'm very inspired by that because I'm paying a ridiculous
5:31
Speaker 1: amount for my phone, and maybe you need to do
5:33
Speaker 1: that this week, Maybe I do.
5:35
Speaker 2: Maybe that's your plan for this week and next week
5:38
Speaker 2: on the pod, you can say that your money win
5:39
Speaker 2: was fixing your phone, inspired by by Brie, inspired by
5:44
Speaker 2: our friend Brie.
5:44
Speaker 1: All right, well, we'll check back in next week, won't we.
5:46
Speaker 2: I'm following up on that alright.
5:49
Speaker 1: It now onto the main topic of today's show, sexually
5:52
Speaker 1: transmitted debt. Now, for those who are only hearing this
5:56
Speaker 1: term for the first time today, you are not alone,
5:58
Speaker 1: but essentially. Sexually transmitted debt is the situation of absorbing
6:02
Speaker 1: some form of your partner's debt when getting into a relationship.
6:05
Speaker 1: As I'm sure most of us know, those first few
6:08
Speaker 1: months of falling in love can be so very intoxicating,
6:10
Speaker 1: so intoxicating in fact, that we can forget who we are,
6:13
Speaker 1: what our goals are, and some of us can find
6:15
Speaker 1: ourselves taking care of our lover's' financial qualms because we
6:19
Speaker 1: just want to help them. We can't really picture a
6:20
Speaker 1: world where things go about with this person who we love,
6:23
Speaker 1: despite the proof that love is a lie. Just kidding, aha,
6:27
Speaker 1: but quite genuinely, love really doesn't always end well. And
6:30
Speaker 1: if you're not aware of some of the STD flags
6:33
Speaker 1: we're going to be taking you through today, you could
6:35
Speaker 1: find yourself in a lot of trouble down the line. Victoria,
6:38
Speaker 1: please talk us through a little bit more about sexually
6:41
Speaker 1: transmitted debt and why it's something that we and especially
6:44
Speaker 1: women really need to be mindful of.
6:46
Speaker 2: This is a topic that I wanted to talk about
6:47
Speaker 2: on the podcast last season, but we obviously ran out
6:50
Speaker 2: of room and had a whole heap of content that
6:52
Speaker 2: we wanted to cover. But it is something that I
6:54
Speaker 2: think is so important to discuss because it is something
6:58
Speaker 2: that I have seen time and time again pop up
7:01
Speaker 2: in my office and I didn't expect it. So I
7:05
Speaker 2: obviously have gone to school and learned how to be
7:07
Speaker 2: a financial advisor and done all of those exciting things.
7:10
Speaker 2: I did not realize the amount of times people would
7:13
Speaker 2: come into my office and say, Victoria, I really need help.
7:16
Speaker 2: I'm in a lot of debt, and I go, yep, cool, No, problems,
7:19
Speaker 2: you're on your partner. You come in and we'll have
7:21
Speaker 2: a meeting and they go, oh, Victoria, my partner doesn't know.
7:24
Speaker 2: And this is terrifying for a couple of reasons, because one,
7:28
Speaker 2: if you're not able to have money conversations with your partner, like,
7:31
Speaker 2: there's probably an issue there and we need to be
7:33
Speaker 2: able to get you to that stage. But two, there's
7:36
Speaker 2: often a lot of secrecy around this type of thing,
7:39
Speaker 2: so sexually transmitted debt can be a whole heap of things.
7:42
Speaker 2: So it could be Yeah, it could be you getting
7:44
Speaker 2: in a relationship with someone who has a really bad
7:47
Speaker 2: credit score, and six months into the relationship they want
7:51
Speaker 2: to buy a new car and they don't have a
7:53
Speaker 2: credit score that gets the car. So you go, honey,
7:55
Speaker 2: I love you, no problems, let's just get it in
7:57
Speaker 2: my name, and you make the repayments. And then a
8:00
Speaker 2: couple of months later you separate and you're left with
8:04
Speaker 2: the loan and they're left with the car. And I've
8:07
Speaker 2: seen that before. I've also seen couples where more recently,
8:11
Speaker 2: and unfortunately this is stereotyped, but it does happen in
8:15
Speaker 2: every type of relationship. The wife came in and said
8:18
Speaker 2: to me, look, Victoria, I'm in a bit of debt.
8:20
Speaker 2: I'd love you help to consolidate it. You know. We
8:22
Speaker 2: sat down and I said, no problems, like, this is
8:24
Speaker 2: something that we can help with. Let's work out a
8:26
Speaker 2: plan for you. How much debt are you in? And
8:27
Speaker 2: she said, look, I'm probably in like twenty thousand dollars
8:30
Speaker 2: worth of debt. And I was like, oh that's a lot. Okay,
8:32
Speaker 2: no problems, Like how did you do this? She's like, oh,
8:34
Speaker 2: I've just got a couple of credit cards. And one
8:37
Speaker 2: thing led to another. Georgia started probing around and we
8:41
Speaker 2: realized that she was in a whole lot more than
8:43
Speaker 2: twenty thousand dollars worth of credit card debt. She's actually
8:46
Speaker 2: in six figures worth of credit card debt. And the
8:49
Speaker 2: painful part here is that her partner did not know.
8:52
Speaker 2: So we worked through how to tell him, and she
8:56
Speaker 2: wasn't comfortable telling him on his own, so he and
9:00
Speaker 2: up coming into the office and like, we mapped it
9:02
Speaker 2: all out and explained how we're going to get out
9:04
Speaker 2: of this.
9:04
Speaker 1: How did it go?
9:05
Speaker 2: It didn't go well. Thankfully, they're still in a relationship
9:09
Speaker 2: and they're working through it together. But I do know
9:11
Speaker 2: that this is the type of thing that actually breaks
9:13
Speaker 2: relationships as well.
9:14
Speaker 1: Finances one of the number one things.
9:16
Speaker 2: It is the number one thing that people fight over.
9:19
Speaker 2: So for me, that was really hard, but I know
9:21
Speaker 2: it was even harder for them. And that was just
9:24
Speaker 2: a really challenging situation because he didn't know but to
9:28
Speaker 2: get out of the debt, it involved him significantly. So
9:31
Speaker 2: they needed to change their living situation. They needed to
9:34
Speaker 2: change the way that they had structured their lives. And
9:37
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, he just didn't know
9:38
Speaker 2: that it was an issue. Like he had no idea
9:41
Speaker 2: how expensive the bags and the shoes and all of
9:43
Speaker 2: the items she was bringing home were. He just assumed,
9:46
Speaker 2: all right, well, she must be spending from her savings
9:48
Speaker 2: because they had separate finances. So for me, it's a
9:52
Speaker 2: massive issue. It could be small things, it could be
9:54
Speaker 2: large things. It could be you getting into a new
9:56
Speaker 2: relationship and your partner has a personal law that you
10:00
Speaker 2: didn't know about. Are you liable for that? What does
10:03
Speaker 2: that actually look like for you? Like does that become
10:05
Speaker 2: a joint debt or does it become a debt that
10:08
Speaker 2: they need to pay off and over the long term,
10:10
Speaker 2: that kind of debt actually carries with you and impacts
10:13
Speaker 2: your ability to achieve shared goals. So if your partner
10:17
Speaker 2: is in significant personal debt or your impersonal debt, you
10:20
Speaker 2: are not going to be able to achieve the goals
10:22
Speaker 2: that you set out to achieve as fast as you
10:24
Speaker 2: would like to. And whilst that's okay, we need to
10:26
Speaker 2: be really realistic about what we're working together towards. So, George,
10:30
Speaker 2: as you mentioned, and STD is actually a much more
10:33
Speaker 2: sinister concept than its playful acronym would lead you to believe.
10:38
Speaker 2: Sounds funny, It sounds I mean, they're never funny, and
10:40
Speaker 2: I think that they're called SDIS nowadays. Any excellent, Yeah, absolutely,
10:45
Speaker 2: we've taken over SDD, thank you. But sexually transmitted debt
10:49
Speaker 2: is one of the things that we need to be
10:51
Speaker 2: so aware of because it is often so hard to spot,
10:54
Speaker 2: because it often occurs in a loving relationship, and it
10:57
Speaker 2: can be really hard to deal with. It impacts one
11:00
Speaker 2: in six people in a study that I was recently reading,
11:03
Speaker 2: and an estimated nine hundred and twenty one billion dollars
11:07
Speaker 2: has been acquired by Americans, So this is an American study,
11:10
Speaker 2: but it's been acquired by Americans in the form of
11:12
Speaker 2: sexually transmitted debt. According to Finder dot com dot AU,
11:16
Speaker 2: that is a huge That is a massive number. Imagine
11:19
Speaker 2: that being taken on in a relationship like I can't imagine.
11:23
Speaker 2: And thankfully, I am in a very lucky position where
11:26
Speaker 2: I've always been really open and honest with my money
11:28
Speaker 2: story with my partner, So I'm not in a position
11:32
Speaker 2: where I carry that kind of thing. But Philip, for
11:34
Speaker 2: a lot of people, Yeah, for a lot of people,
11:36
Speaker 2: it's not as easy to talk about, and that's why
11:39
Speaker 2: we're here, Georgia. Yes, But also if I was in
11:42
Speaker 2: that position, like, I don't know how comfortable I actually
11:45
Speaker 2: would have been telling a new partner, hey, like, you know,
11:49
Speaker 2: do you want to come over for dinner? Also got
11:51
Speaker 2: some credit card debt?
11:52
Speaker 1: Like?
11:52
Speaker 2: Where does that come up in the conversation?
11:54
Speaker 1: Is there anything else we need to be mindful of,
11:56
Speaker 1: any other stats you can throw at me.
11:57
Speaker 2: So overall, it's actually more likely the women would take
12:01
Speaker 2: on their partners. So overall, women are actually more likely
12:04
Speaker 2: to take on their partner's debt, which I don't think
12:07
Speaker 2: any of us would be surprised by that statistic. With
12:09
Speaker 2: roughly fifty three percent of women accepting their significant other's
12:13
Speaker 2: debt versus forty seven percent of men accepting their significant
12:17
Speaker 2: others debt. Still pretty even, let's call it even, but
12:21
Speaker 2: I'm not surprised that women are a little bit higher. However,
12:24
Speaker 2: the amount of debt that women are taking on is
12:26
Speaker 2: roughly half of what men are, so that was interesting.
12:30
Speaker 2: With the average men assuming about thirty one, seven hundred
12:34
Speaker 2: and forty dollars of debt versus the average woman, who
12:36
Speaker 2: is taking on about fifteen thousand, six hundred and eighty
12:40
Speaker 2: one dollars. Those are big numbers regardless of what side
12:42
Speaker 2: it is, but I'm not surprised that it's the women
12:46
Speaker 2: that are carrying more debt because you know, we could
12:48
Speaker 2: jump into a full argument about gender pay gap and
12:52
Speaker 2: mary gender inequality in the fact that women often do
12:55
Speaker 2: end up taking or more debt to live their lifestyles.
12:58
Speaker 2: Interesting stats because more women are taking on debt, but
13:01
Speaker 2: those women are taking on less debt, and when men
13:03
Speaker 2: take on debt, they're taking on more. So while women
13:06
Speaker 2: are more likely than men to contract debt due to
13:09
Speaker 2: purchases made in their name, men are more likely than
13:12
Speaker 2: women to take on debt due to marriage so thirty
13:14
Speaker 2: four percent of men compared with thirty two percent of women.
13:17
Speaker 2: So just some more stats to be you know, just
13:20
Speaker 2: transparent about this, like they're quite even, but I think
13:22
Speaker 2: it's worthy of consideration. And like, as we're doing some
13:25
Speaker 2: research for this topic, I was really shocked about how
13:28
Speaker 2: many people are actually taking on their partner's debt because
13:32
Speaker 2: you're going, oh, sexually transmit a debt. Haha, that sounds funny,
13:35
Speaker 2: but it's real. Like you get in a relationship and
13:38
Speaker 2: you take on a lot of their responsibilities, whether that's
13:41
Speaker 2: going into a relationship with someone who has children and
13:44
Speaker 2: assuming a position of responsibility there, or like it could
13:47
Speaker 2: even be about pets, or you know, you could get
13:50
Speaker 2: in a relationship with someone who has a mortgage and
13:52
Speaker 2: you make the joint decision to start contributing to that mortgage. Yeah,
13:55
Speaker 2: I think it's really important to start talking about things
13:58
Speaker 2: like debt because we all assume that there's quote baggage
14:01
Speaker 2: that people carry, but sometimes it's hidden. How do we
14:05
Speaker 2: have this conversation.
14:06
Speaker 1: And we will get to that you did mention before
14:08
Speaker 1: you had a lady that was in strife to do
14:11
Speaker 1: you see this a lot in your line of work?
14:13
Speaker 2: I do, and it's terrifying the amount of people that
14:16
Speaker 2: come to me. And I feel really grateful that I'm
14:18
Speaker 2: in a position where I'm trusted enough for you to
14:20
Speaker 2: come to me and say, Victoria, I really need help,
14:23
Speaker 2: Like always welcome that with open arms. But the issue
14:26
Speaker 2: here is that so much of it is actually hidden
14:29
Speaker 2: from their partners. And I just find that that is
14:33
Speaker 2: a non constructive position to be in, because how can
14:36
Speaker 2: you build a life together if you can't understand what
14:40
Speaker 2: you are building with? Yeah, So, Georgia, as much as
14:43
Speaker 2: I see it in my office, the stats actually show
14:45
Speaker 2: us that couples just aren't having these money conversations at all.
14:48
Speaker 2: And a recent study by Relationships Australia found that for
14:53
Speaker 2: most survey respondents, the state of their partner's finances what's
14:57
Speaker 2: not important to them. So that was fifty three percent
15:00
Speaker 2: of little importance, which is it's going insane as issue.
15:05
Speaker 2: You wouldn't care about your partner's income. Like as much
15:07
Speaker 2: as we say, look, it doesn't matter what you earn,
15:10
Speaker 2: it's what you do with it, I think it's also
15:12
Speaker 2: really important to talk about it, like it doesn't matter
15:14
Speaker 2: if your partner earns twenty thousand dollars or two hundred
15:17
Speaker 2: thousand dollars. I think it's so important to be on
15:20
Speaker 2: the same page about how you can work together. And
15:23
Speaker 2: I don't think that there's any shame in what you earn,
15:26
Speaker 2: regardless of what it is. I think it just is
15:28
Speaker 2: constructive to share that with your partner. Often when we
15:31
Speaker 2: start talking about like, oh, door Jo, what do you earn?
15:34
Speaker 2: Like you could feel shame around that, But at the
15:37
Speaker 2: end of the day, that shouldn't be a thing if
15:39
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship with a trusting partner, exactly, Like
15:42
Speaker 2: if you are worried about disclosing what you earn because
15:45
Speaker 2: you're worried about them judging you, I think you need
15:48
Speaker 2: to have a bigger think about why that relationship isn't
15:51
Speaker 2: as functional as it should be.
15:52
Speaker 1: Exactly. Would you say that shame is the main reason
15:55
Speaker 1: that people aren't having these conversations from the outset?
15:57
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, because nobody, and I mean nobody gets into
16:01
Speaker 2: debt on purpose. Yeah, like no one goes out and
16:03
Speaker 2: gets a credit card. Instance, do you know what, Georgia,
16:05
Speaker 2: I'm going to rack up this debt and then I'm
16:08
Speaker 2: going to carry it like the biggest hard and I've
16:10
Speaker 2: ever had? How great is that?
16:12
Speaker 1: Not a thing?
16:13
Speaker 2: Nobody does that. Everybody gets a credit card or a
16:16
Speaker 2: line of credit to help them out in one way
16:17
Speaker 2: or another, so no one wants to be here. And
16:20
Speaker 2: then once you do get there, often there is a
16:23
Speaker 2: lot of shame around that because you're in a position
16:26
Speaker 2: that makes you look and I'm not saying that this
16:28
Speaker 2: is true, but this is the perception of people who
16:30
Speaker 2: are in debt. It makes you look like you weren't
16:32
Speaker 2: in control. And no one ever wants to feel like
16:34
Speaker 2: they weren't in control or admit to not being in control,
16:37
Speaker 2: when in reality, the only thing that that means, Like
16:40
Speaker 2: if you're in debt, the only thing that means is
16:42
Speaker 2: that you just spent more than you weren't and that
16:44
Speaker 2: is it. And we just need to create a plan
16:47
Speaker 2: to get you out of that debt. We need to
16:49
Speaker 2: work on your budget, we need to work on your
16:51
Speaker 2: cash flow and just go, okay, well we need to
16:53
Speaker 2: allocate some of your cash flow to debt reduction and
16:55
Speaker 2: make sure that happens. And whilst I've seen much bigger
16:59
Speaker 2: cases where you know, partners have racked up one hundred
17:01
Speaker 2: and fifty thousand dollars of personal debt without telling their partner.
17:05
Speaker 2: I think that it is really important to just be transparent.
17:09
Speaker 2: If you are spending and you're not telling your partner,
17:11
Speaker 2: I think that you need to probably have that conversation
17:13
Speaker 2: and create a cash flow system that works for you both.
17:17
Speaker 2: Whilst I don't think that every relationship needs to have
17:19
Speaker 2: shared finances, I do believe that every single relationship needs
17:24
Speaker 2: to have transparent finances.
17:26
Speaker 1: On the other side of the coin, what would you
17:28
Speaker 1: do if you think your partner has a lot of debt?
17:31
Speaker 1: You just suspect it. I don't know why you would,
17:33
Speaker 1: but say that's an issue for someone there, I'll just.
17:35
Speaker 2: Go through their personal belongings. No, absolutely not. I think
17:39
Speaker 2: it would just be about calling it out early. As
17:42
Speaker 2: I said before, it is so important to trust your partner.
17:46
Speaker 2: It is so important to be in a relationship where
17:49
Speaker 2: you can have open and honest conversations. And my opinion
17:52
Speaker 2: is that you just need to approach everything with kindness.
17:56
Speaker 2: So if this is a topic that you want to
17:58
Speaker 2: be tackling with your partner, I think it's important for
18:01
Speaker 2: you to have a little bit of a reflection time
18:03
Speaker 2: before you do it, because this is not going to
18:05
Speaker 2: be easy for them, there is a reason they haven't
18:07
Speaker 2: told you. It's not because they don't want to tell you.
18:10
Speaker 2: It's often because they are either carrying a lot of
18:13
Speaker 2: shame about telling you, or there's potentially an addiction associated
18:17
Speaker 2: with that, or there is another reason why they carry
18:20
Speaker 2: that debt that they haven't felt comfortable telling you about.
18:23
Speaker 2: Because at the end of the day, if it was
18:25
Speaker 2: something that they were really proud of, they would have
18:27
Speaker 2: told you. And I think that that needs to be
18:29
Speaker 2: really taken into consideration before you jump down someone's throat
18:33
Speaker 2: and be like, but are you in a heap of debt?
18:34
Speaker 2: Like I just assume. So it's not even about you know,
18:38
Speaker 2: finding facts or finding proof of this. I think it's
18:42
Speaker 2: more about saying, hey, Georgia, you know, I feel like
18:45
Speaker 2: maybe we're in a little bit of financial stress at
18:48
Speaker 2: the moment. I'm not comfortable talking about money. I would
18:51
Speaker 2: love to be more comfortable talking about money. Where can
18:53
Speaker 2: we both start? And often that starts with you being
18:57
Speaker 2: more transparent about your situation and you talking to your
19:01
Speaker 2: partner in a way that you would want to be
19:03
Speaker 2: talked to. Yeah, So approaching every situation with empathy rather
19:07
Speaker 2: than going, oh, well you need to tell me because
19:09
Speaker 2: I deserve to know.
19:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's probably not the right angle.
19:12
Speaker 2: No, it's not the right angle aggressive. Yeah, I think
19:14
Speaker 2: that you just need to be approaching that situation with
19:17
Speaker 2: a whole heap of kindness because that person potentially hasn't
19:21
Speaker 2: told you because they aren't comfortable, So it is your
19:23
Speaker 2: job to make them feel comfortable with that situation.
19:26
Speaker 1: What steps would you say we can take to avoid
19:29
Speaker 1: ending up in this situation altogether, apart from like staying
19:32
Speaker 1: single forever and dying alone. You know what I'm saying, Oh.
19:35
Speaker 2: That's actually really great advice. We should have a relationship podcast.
19:39
Speaker 2: That would be a really good idea. Let's go back
19:42
Speaker 2: to what I was saying before about transparency. We need
19:44
Speaker 2: to share information and just stay informed. Start these conversations
19:48
Speaker 2: early in your relationship. And I know a lot of
19:50
Speaker 2: you are going to be listening to this and be
19:52
Speaker 2: like Victoria, But I've been in a relation for five
19:54
Speaker 2: years or ten years or thirty years, and I can't
19:57
Speaker 2: just start these conversations out of the blue. If if
20:00
Speaker 2: you're in a new relationship, I think it's important to
20:02
Speaker 2: just start discussing things, being open and honest when you
20:05
Speaker 2: guys are planning your first weekend away or a joint
20:08
Speaker 2: venture that you're going to do together, be like, Okay,
20:11
Speaker 2: no problems, let's go away for the weekend. What's our
20:13
Speaker 2: budget and settle on a budget together that you are
20:16
Speaker 2: both comfortable with. Because it is so easy in a
20:19
Speaker 2: new relationship to just get swept up in things and
20:21
Speaker 2: go oh, would so love to go away, And then
20:24
Speaker 2: you're stressed the entire time because you didn't tell him
20:27
Speaker 2: or her that you had forty dollars to your name
20:29
Speaker 2: and you're putting it all on credit and you were
20:31
Speaker 2: hoping that they wouldn't notice. You want to impress them,
20:33
Speaker 2: but there's nothing impressive about going into debt. So I
20:38
Speaker 2: think it's important to just start relationships being open and honest.
20:42
Speaker 2: But if you're already in a relationship and you're not
20:44
Speaker 2: talking about money, I think it's just about baby steps.
20:48
Speaker 2: It's about introducing the topic. If you're not across the finances,
20:52
Speaker 2: show an interest, don't jump up down and say, oh
20:54
Speaker 2: I need to understand this, what the hell? I think
20:57
Speaker 2: it's just about saying like, hey, I don't get to
20:59
Speaker 2: see our credit card statements? Can you just take me
21:01
Speaker 2: through them? So I better understand them, or hey, honey,
21:05
Speaker 2: like I'd love to talk about money more often. Something
21:08
Speaker 2: that I recommend to my clients often is a money
21:11
Speaker 2: date where you sit down maybe once a month, Like
21:14
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be formal, like you don't actually
21:16
Speaker 2: have to go out on a proper date, but you
21:19
Speaker 2: just review all your finances together really high level, just
21:22
Speaker 2: go okay, like, how have you done this week? Share
21:24
Speaker 2: your money wins, some money losses, very similar to the podcast.
21:27
Speaker 2: You can sit down and be like, hey, Georgia, like,
21:29
Speaker 2: what have you done really good financially this month? And
21:32
Speaker 2: you can be like, ah, well, Victoria cut out my
21:34
Speaker 2: gym membership. Yeah, And then I can be like, well,
21:36
Speaker 2: what's something that maybe you could have done better? And
21:39
Speaker 2: you go, look, well, I've been spending lots on private
21:42
Speaker 2: polarates classes and you end up in this situation where
21:45
Speaker 2: you start more openly talking about money, so you don't
21:48
Speaker 2: have to consistently talk about what are you earning, what
21:51
Speaker 2: are you spending? Yes, just what were you doing well
21:53
Speaker 2: and what would you like to improve? And you know,
21:55
Speaker 2: what's someplace that you're struggling or how can we as
21:58
Speaker 2: a couplet but working towards having more financial security, and
22:04
Speaker 2: everybody's got different values, everyone's got different sets of beliefs
22:07
Speaker 2: around to this. So I think it's important to just
22:09
Speaker 2: start early and having these conversations with your partner from
22:12
Speaker 2: the beginning. But if you're not at the beginning, that
22:14
Speaker 2: is okay because you can start introducing them, just don't
22:17
Speaker 2: introduce them aggressively.
22:19
Speaker 1: And remember, we actually spent a whole episode in season
22:22
Speaker 1: two talking about navigating Money with Your Honey, so there's
22:25
Speaker 1: probably some good ideas in that one.
22:26
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I think have a listen. Yeah, I don't want
22:29
Speaker 2: to repeat everything that we said in that, so I
22:30
Speaker 2: think go back, have a listen to what was it
22:33
Speaker 2: navigating money with your honey? I thought that was pretty sassy. Yeah, yeah,
22:36
Speaker 2: have a listen to that episode because I think shared
22:39
Speaker 2: relationships and relationships and money are complex and hard to
22:43
Speaker 2: get your head around. But the second you feel comfortable
22:46
Speaker 2: one understanding your own finances but then someone else's, it
22:50
Speaker 2: kind of takes a relationship to a higher level and
22:52
Speaker 2: you're going to feel far more empowered because you've done that.
22:56
Speaker 1: What other things can we be doing to avoid ending
22:58
Speaker 1: up in this spot?
22:59
Speaker 2: So there are lots of things. Another thing I would
23:02
Speaker 2: really like to say is don't ever sign anything without
23:06
Speaker 2: fully reading it and looking into it properly and understanding it.
23:10
Speaker 2: Too many times I've met women and men who say, oh,
23:14
Speaker 2: I have debt, but I just trusted my partner. They said,
23:16
Speaker 2: just sign on the dotted line, and you go, oh
23:19
Speaker 2: my gosh, like you didn't even read it, and you
23:21
Speaker 2: understand why they didn't because they trusted that person and
23:25
Speaker 2: you trust them endlessly. It's not about trust, it's about
23:28
Speaker 2: your own education. So if your partner puts anything in
23:30
Speaker 2: front of you, I do not care how much you
23:33
Speaker 2: trust them or if you've been married for thirty years.
23:36
Speaker 2: For your own education, for your own financial literacy, read
23:40
Speaker 2: the document, Understand what you're signing, and be smart about it.
23:45
Speaker 2: You know, if you're going in with your partner to
23:47
Speaker 2: purchase a new car and you guys want to finance
23:50
Speaker 2: that car, no problems at all. It's not to say
23:53
Speaker 2: don't take on debt together. I mean, I've got other
23:55
Speaker 2: opinions about that, but that's not what this podcast is about.
23:58
Speaker 2: But read the document because you're smart enough to know
24:02
Speaker 2: that maybe you could get a better deal on your
24:04
Speaker 2: interest rate, Like maybe there are places you could add value.
24:07
Speaker 2: It's not just about oh, don't sign anything, don't get
24:10
Speaker 2: into debt, go into things with the knowledge that you
24:13
Speaker 2: deserve to give yourself. Something else is understand joint debts.
24:17
Speaker 2: So if you've got debt, understand what the repayments are
24:20
Speaker 2: each month, Understand what level of debt you hold. Understand
24:24
Speaker 2: what power you have in relation to that debt. Like
24:28
Speaker 2: when I say power, I mean if you paid an
24:30
Speaker 2: extra hundred dollars off a month, you could cut twelve
24:33
Speaker 2: months off your debt kind of thing. So it just
24:35
Speaker 2: really understand what that means and what interest rate you've got.
24:39
Speaker 2: If you've got really high levels of personal debt and
24:42
Speaker 2: a number of them, potentially consider getting them consolidated. If
24:45
Speaker 2: you've got a mortgage together, have a think about whether
24:48
Speaker 2: the interest rate right now is competitive. So many times
24:52
Speaker 2: do I talk to my clients and say, oh, like,
24:54
Speaker 2: what have you got, Like we go through the whole
24:56
Speaker 2: fact find process and they're like, oh, yeah, we've got
24:59
Speaker 2: a mortgage. And one of the first things I say is, well, okay,
25:02
Speaker 2: what's the interest rate? And they'll say, oh, we don't
25:04
Speaker 2: even know. We got it a few years ago. It's
25:07
Speaker 2: like Okay, but that's a really important number because if
25:10
Speaker 2: you drop your interest rate by one percent, we could
25:14
Speaker 2: literally shave years off your mortgage, and those are years
25:17
Speaker 2: where your mortgage recrumits could be going towards creating wealth.
25:20
Speaker 2: Ye we refinance heaps of clients into better loan structures
25:23
Speaker 2: so that they can better understand not only their debt,
25:26
Speaker 2: but also be more powerful and have more control of
25:29
Speaker 2: what they're spending. On top of that, I think it's
25:32
Speaker 2: just about maintaining independence as well. So when the discussion
25:35
Speaker 2: of merging your finances or combining savings for a house deposit,
25:39
Speaker 2: just make sure you have a finance chat, make sure
25:41
Speaker 2: you're on top of things with your partner. Keep this consistent.
25:44
Speaker 2: Back to the Navigating Money with Your Honey podcast, have
25:47
Speaker 2: a really good listen to that and actually start having
25:50
Speaker 2: some morekward conversations.
25:52
Speaker 1: Yeap, just jump into it now. We've spoken about this before,
25:55
Speaker 1: and I think it OpenDS.
25:57
Speaker 2: What is it, Georgia.
25:58
Speaker 1: I'm assuming not all dead the same. So we don't
26:01
Speaker 1: need to be breaking up with our partner if they've
26:03
Speaker 1: got a mortgage or you know, they've got a hefty
26:06
Speaker 1: hex debt. That's not like sexually transmitted debt. Right.
26:09
Speaker 2: No, No, it's just not sexually transmitted debt to me
26:12
Speaker 2: is personal debt that you take on because of a partner, right.
26:16
Speaker 2: So it's not to say be wary of any partner
26:19
Speaker 2: or any person in debt, like they might be in
26:21
Speaker 2: constructive debt. They might be in a debt that you
26:24
Speaker 2: know helps them grow their wealth. Like, really understand that
26:26
Speaker 2: if they've got a mortgage, fantastic, they're probably working towards
26:30
Speaker 2: financial independence to own an asset that will help increase
26:33
Speaker 2: their overall wealth fantastic. If they have HEX debt, that
26:37
Speaker 2: will not become your responsibility at any point in time.
26:40
Speaker 2: In fact, Hex's debt is the only debt that actually
26:43
Speaker 2: dies with us. Morbid but true. Really, So, yeah, if
26:47
Speaker 2: someone passes away and they still have HEX debt and
26:49
Speaker 2: actually gets what that's great. Whereas if you have personal
26:52
Speaker 2: debt that goes to your next of kin. So I
26:54
Speaker 2: think it's really important to understand that that's not your
26:57
Speaker 2: responsibility and it never will be. But if your partner
27:01
Speaker 2: takes on personal debt and you get married or you're
27:03
Speaker 2: in a de facto relationship with them in the eyes
27:06
Speaker 2: of the law, that's also your debt, so regardless of
27:09
Speaker 2: whether your partner is taking responsibility for it and says, honey,
27:12
Speaker 2: don't worry, I have some personal debt, but I'm paying
27:15
Speaker 2: it all off. As much as you might be in
27:17
Speaker 2: a situation where that's absolutely fine and it works, you
27:20
Speaker 2: need to also be really aware that, in the eyes
27:23
Speaker 2: of the law, if something were to happen, that is
27:25
Speaker 2: also your debt.
27:26
Speaker 1: Right is it always a form of financial abuse or
27:29
Speaker 1: can it be quite innocent? Like what does that look like?
27:32
Speaker 2: So, George, I actually think it can be both. So
27:35
Speaker 2: going into a new relationship, when do you even talk
27:37
Speaker 2: about that? You don't go on a first date and
27:39
Speaker 2: be like, oh my gosh, it's like asking people in
27:42
Speaker 2: a first date like do you want to get married?
27:44
Speaker 2: Like how many kids do you want? No, you wouldn't
27:46
Speaker 2: the second date, I don't think. However, I think you
27:49
Speaker 2: do really need to bring it up once you start
27:52
Speaker 2: feeling like that relationship is really serious. Like if you
27:55
Speaker 2: guys are at a point where you're comfortable talking to
27:58
Speaker 2: them about something like that. And don't get me wrong,
28:00
Speaker 2: there might not be a time that you ever feel comfortable,
28:04
Speaker 2: but the moment that you realize that relationship is becoming
28:07
Speaker 2: quite serious. I think that's the point in time that
28:09
Speaker 2: you really need to start thinking about, Okay, well, maybe
28:12
Speaker 2: I need to be a little bit more transparent about
28:15
Speaker 2: this burden that I carry, because at the end of
28:18
Speaker 2: the day, as I said, debt is just a reflection
28:21
Speaker 2: that you, at some point in your life spend more
28:23
Speaker 2: money than you earn and you're working your way out
28:25
Speaker 2: of it. But debt impacts your cash flow significantly. So
28:29
Speaker 2: if you're in personal debt and you've got eight hundred
28:32
Speaker 2: dollars a month repayment, that is actually taking away from
28:36
Speaker 2: your ability to create wealth or create the life that
28:38
Speaker 2: you want to create with that person. So they need
28:40
Speaker 2: to be aware of that. It shouldn't be, in my eyes,
28:43
Speaker 2: a deal breaker. It should be something that they get, okay,
28:46
Speaker 2: no problems, like, let's see how we maybe they can
28:48
Speaker 2: help you, not financially, but maybe they can help you
28:51
Speaker 2: look at it and feel a little bit better about
28:52
Speaker 2: the situation. And I promise you, the more you start
28:55
Speaker 2: sharing things that are stressing you out, the less they
28:58
Speaker 2: feel like they are weighing on you. Definitely, So no,
29:01
Speaker 2: I don't think it's always financial abuse. I think sometimes
29:04
Speaker 2: it's done really innocently because we never feel completely empowered
29:08
Speaker 2: to have that conversation. But on the flip side, yes,
29:11
Speaker 2: I have seen very financially abusive relationships that have significant
29:15
Speaker 2: levels of hidden debt. And this could be anything from
29:20
Speaker 2: people applying for loans in other people's names without them
29:23
Speaker 2: knowing and getting them to sign forms, to having women
29:26
Speaker 2: that I have met where their partner has forged their
29:29
Speaker 2: signature to apply for loans and not knowing what debt
29:32
Speaker 2: they're in. I have seen it, honestly all and it
29:36
Speaker 2: is terrifying. So no, it's not always financial abuse, absolutely not,
29:41
Speaker 2: but it can be.
29:42
Speaker 1: So stay vigilant. Now we've spoken a lot about how
29:45
Speaker 1: to avoid ending up in this situation, but what do
29:47
Speaker 1: we do for actually in it? We haven't avoided it,
29:49
Speaker 1: we're in it.
29:50
Speaker 2: What do we run? Just get up and run? No, No,
29:53
Speaker 2: I think it's about having an open, honest conversation with
29:56
Speaker 2: your partner. There is a thing called a financial agreement
29:59
Speaker 2: that you could enter into if we want to get
30:01
Speaker 2: super serious, that your partner might sign that says that
30:05
Speaker 2: you're not liable for that debt if the relationship dissolves,
30:08
Speaker 2: a little bit like a prenup. But prenup sign a
30:11
Speaker 2: thing in Australia. Yeah, it's a very American thing.
30:15
Speaker 1: It's like in legally Blunde.
30:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll talk about it in another episode. I think anyway,
30:19
Speaker 2: I think it's really interesting to ask as well. So
30:23
Speaker 2: I think it's about just being open and honest, like
30:24
Speaker 2: whose responsibility is this. I know couples who are in
30:28
Speaker 2: relationships where one partner had personal debt and they've come
30:31
Speaker 2: along and said, look, it's actually as much as you know,
30:34
Speaker 2: I didn't incur this debt, I'm actually going to take
30:36
Speaker 2: responsibility for it. I'm going to start helping my partner
30:38
Speaker 2: pay it down because it means that we are more
30:41
Speaker 2: likely to achieve financial goals sooner. I'm not saying that
30:44
Speaker 2: that is the right outcome. That is just what has
30:46
Speaker 2: worked for you know another couple. I've also seen partners
30:50
Speaker 2: where they say, look, I'm going to start saving. My
30:52
Speaker 2: partner needs to be in a position where they're paying
30:55
Speaker 2: off their debt and once they're out of debt, they
30:57
Speaker 2: can join me on my savings journey, but don't want
31:00
Speaker 2: to be a part of the debt of payment, which
31:02
Speaker 2: is very fair because it wasn't their debt to begin
31:04
Speaker 2: with Every relationship is different. Every relationship is going to
31:07
Speaker 2: deal with it differently. But if you're really worried about it,
31:11
Speaker 2: have an open, honest conversation with your partner about that
31:14
Speaker 2: because you don't want to be stung or be in
31:16
Speaker 2: a position where you are liable for something that you
31:19
Speaker 2: don't want to be.
31:20
Speaker 1: Would you recommend speaking to a financial advisor at all?
31:22
Speaker 2: I absolutely would, because a financial advisor is not just
31:26
Speaker 2: going to help you create a plan to get out
31:28
Speaker 2: of that debt. They're going to help you create a
31:30
Speaker 2: plan to create wealth. And often debt is a reflection
31:34
Speaker 2: of a deeper issue, and that deeper issue is that
31:37
Speaker 2: you are spending beyond your means. A financial advisor is
31:41
Speaker 2: going to help you not only get back on track,
31:43
Speaker 2: but create a plan for the cash flow that you
31:46
Speaker 2: have so that you can be really productive and not
31:48
Speaker 2: get in that position again.
31:56
Speaker 1: Hi, there, you've reached the shoes on the money mailbox.
32:00
Speaker 1: Do you have a money problem you want help solving.
32:02
Speaker 1: Do you just have a money dilemma you really want
32:04
Speaker 1: to chat about. Victoria is here to help. Every week,
32:07
Speaker 1: we'll be playing your questions to help make sense of
32:09
Speaker 1: a money mess you may have found yourself in, make
32:11
Speaker 1: a quick recording on your phone and send it through
32:13
Speaker 1: to podcasts at chesothmoney at dot com dot au and
32:16
Speaker 1: you might even find yourself on the show. But for now,
32:18
Speaker 1: here's today's listen to question.
32:20
Speaker 3: Hi, ladies, big fan of the show. I'm calling in
32:24
Speaker 3: today because I have a bit of an issue. I'm
32:26
Speaker 3: twenty five. I'm in a relatively new relationship and it's
32:29
Speaker 3: been so amazing. Things are starting to get more serious,
32:33
Speaker 3: and we've had the chat about our future, and I
32:36
Speaker 3: can really see us moving in together, getting a dog together,
32:40
Speaker 3: you know, all of those amazing couple of things. But
32:44
Speaker 3: I have a stack of personal debt twenty thousand dollars
32:48
Speaker 3: of debt to be exact, that I'm working on getting
32:51
Speaker 3: rid of slowly but surely. I feel like it's a
32:54
Speaker 3: bit of a dirty secret that I should tell my partner,
32:57
Speaker 3: but I don't know if I really have to or
32:59
Speaker 3: if I should be because my money and the debt
33:01
Speaker 3: that comes with that could be his one day. Any
33:04
Speaker 3: advice would be amazing. Thanks, girls, Hey.
33:09
Speaker 1: What's your advice here, Victoria?
33:11
Speaker 2: I think this is a really interesting one, and I
33:13
Speaker 2: feel like I say that at the start of every
33:15
Speaker 2: single it always interesting. Yes, of course you should tell them.
33:19
Speaker 2: It is definitely worthy of the conversation.
33:22
Speaker 1: Well, that's what we've been saying this whole time. Yeah,
33:23
Speaker 1: have the chat.
33:24
Speaker 2: Yeap. I feel like this is just a recap of
33:26
Speaker 2: everything that we've just been talking about. Yes, absolutely, you
33:29
Speaker 2: should tell him. No, you should never hide something like that. Yes,
33:33
Speaker 2: it's hard, and sometimes you feel like when you're approaching
33:36
Speaker 2: your partner to say, hey, honey, like I've got personal daby,
33:38
Speaker 2: it can sometimes feel like you're approaching them to tell
33:41
Speaker 2: them that you killed a puppy or something like. It's
33:43
Speaker 2: really scary. But I promise you it is not the
33:47
Speaker 2: hardest conversation you will ever have. More often than not,
33:50
Speaker 2: your partner's probably aware of some level of financial commitment
33:54
Speaker 2: that you have that might be stressing you out, So
33:56
Speaker 2: potentially it won't even come as a surprise to your partner.
34:00
Speaker 2: So I think just sitting down and being like, hey,
34:02
Speaker 2: I really want to have a chat with you about
34:04
Speaker 2: money and about what's going on, you know, you don't
34:07
Speaker 2: have to say that you've been hiding it. You don't
34:09
Speaker 2: have to say that you've been lying because you haven't.
34:11
Speaker 2: The conversation just hasn't come up. Just frame it as
34:14
Speaker 2: though you feel like it's the right time to have
34:17
Speaker 2: that conversation, because it is because it is getting serious
34:21
Speaker 2: and they deserve to know, and you want to be
34:23
Speaker 2: on the same page and you want to be working
34:25
Speaker 2: towards shared goals while them still being really understanding of
34:29
Speaker 2: the things that you're dealing with. I think often partners
34:32
Speaker 2: get in trouble having this conversation at the beginning when
34:36
Speaker 2: they start it with like, oh, I've been hiding this
34:38
Speaker 2: from you. Oh I haven't been completely transparent. Like, do
34:42
Speaker 2: not set your partner up with negative commentary before you
34:45
Speaker 2: tell them, because I think that it frames the conversation
34:49
Speaker 2: really negatively. Frame it as though you're sharing something with
34:53
Speaker 2: them that they want to know and that you want
34:55
Speaker 2: them to know, and you're trying to be really open
34:57
Speaker 2: and honest. Don't frame the conversation with, oh, look, I've
35:01
Speaker 2: been hiding something for you for the past twelve months.
35:03
Speaker 2: You haven't been hiding it, you just haven't been comfortable.
35:06
Speaker 2: And I think that we need to give ourselves a
35:08
Speaker 2: little bit of permission to sometimes not tell someone something
35:11
Speaker 2: until we are completely ready. So, as I said before,
35:14
Speaker 2: like it's probably not first date worthy, but if you
35:17
Speaker 2: feel like things are getting serious, then start having the conversation.
35:21
Speaker 2: But equally like, if you're listening to this and you've
35:23
Speaker 2: been in a relationship for a number of years, you
35:24
Speaker 2: live together, and you have this secret, yes, your partner's
35:28
Speaker 2: probably not going to be happy, but at the end
35:30
Speaker 2: of the day, it means that you've spent more than
35:32
Speaker 2: you've earned and you just need to create a plan
35:34
Speaker 2: to get out of it. Share it with your partner.
35:36
Speaker 2: You'll feel better for it.
35:38
Speaker 1: Are there any quick tips you would have to getting
35:40
Speaker 1: out of that personal debt? Or is that a combo
35:42
Speaker 1: for another time?
35:43
Speaker 2: There are so many things that you could do. First
35:45
Speaker 2: things first, probably talk to someone, but do your own research.
35:48
Speaker 2: So if you've got a number of different personal debts
35:50
Speaker 2: with credit cards or personal loans or store credit, I
35:53
Speaker 2: think it's really important to potentially consider consolidating it. Talk
35:58
Speaker 2: to a broker about consolidating a personal loans together. One
36:01
Speaker 2: it will become one payment, so it's not lots and
36:03
Speaker 2: lots of payments coming out each month. And two you're
36:06
Speaker 2: more likely to be offered a preferable interest rate on
36:09
Speaker 2: that because as we know, credit cards can be upwards
36:12
Speaker 2: of twenty three to twenty five percent, or as a
36:15
Speaker 2: personal loan might take it down to, you know, seventeen
36:18
Speaker 2: or eighteen, depending on what your credit score is and
36:20
Speaker 2: whether we can actually refinance the personal debt you've got.
36:23
Speaker 2: It's going to be completely personal. But also another method
36:27
Speaker 2: is debt snowballing. So if you haven't heard of it,
36:29
Speaker 2: do a quick google. But it's essentially picking the lowest
36:32
Speaker 2: amount of debt that you have and just smashing through
36:34
Speaker 2: it and then using your minium member of payments to
36:37
Speaker 2: go towards the next debt and just smashing through it
36:39
Speaker 2: while not worrying about your interest rate. And the reason
36:43
Speaker 2: I believe in debt snowballing as opposed to debt avalanching,
36:46
Speaker 2: it's where you actually pay off the debt with the
36:49
Speaker 2: biggest interest rate first. Debt snowballing is where you pick
36:54
Speaker 2: the lowest amount of debt that you have and just
36:57
Speaker 2: smash through it. I love it because it is in gratification,
37:01
Speaker 2: Like you're more likely to feel gratified sooner to tick
37:03
Speaker 2: something because you've tick something off the list, Dane. You
37:05
Speaker 2: just feel like you've made progress, and the more progress
37:08
Speaker 2: you're making, the more likely you are to stick to
37:10
Speaker 2: your overall goal. So for me, as much as interest
37:12
Speaker 2: rates are really important, getting rid of the debt and
37:16
Speaker 2: feeling empowered to do so is more important to me.
37:18
Speaker 1: Amazing, So have that chat. Girl. You got this day's
37:25
Speaker 1: money diary. It is from a savvy saver who had
37:27
Speaker 1: a bit of a rough experience with a mortgage broker.
37:29
Speaker 2: Hi.
37:30
Speaker 4: I'm a financially fit feminist and this is my money diary.
37:33
Speaker 4: My attitude to money is that I like to save
37:35
Speaker 4: a lot. Since I started earning money, my savings goal
37:38
Speaker 4: has always been to purchase a house as quickly as possible,
37:42
Speaker 4: and that was my goal until I moved to London
37:45
Speaker 4: two years ago. I wanted to tell the cheese on
37:48
Speaker 4: the money community about my experiences with a mortgage broker.
37:52
Speaker 4: When I decided, aged twenty two, that I was ready
37:57
Speaker 4: to buy a house, I went to this mortgage broke.
38:00
Speaker 4: I had saved forty thousand dollars, which I thought was
38:03
Speaker 4: pretty impressive for my age, and was wondering what my
38:06
Speaker 4: next steps were, and instead of telling me how much
38:09
Speaker 4: more I needed what I needed to think about, he
38:11
Speaker 4: said that I should come back when I had a
38:13
Speaker 4: boyfriend or husband. I felt angry, understandably, I think, and
38:18
Speaker 4: it actually affected my saving skills as I used that
38:21
Speaker 4: money to move to London and have an excellent two
38:24
Speaker 4: years traveling around. Everyone was shocked when I told them,
38:27
Speaker 4: but no one in my friendship group had had experiences
38:30
Speaker 4: with mortgage brokers, so we didn't really know what to
38:33
Speaker 4: expect if that was a normal thing that young women
38:37
Speaker 4: were told, or if it was really out of line.
38:41
Speaker 4: It felt really out of line, but it also made
38:43
Speaker 4: me a bit scared to approach others. It affected my
38:47
Speaker 4: outlook on money because I had spent so long saving
38:50
Speaker 4: and not going out for the fancy dinners that all
38:52
Speaker 4: of my friends went out on, and then when I
38:55
Speaker 4: was treated with such what felt a bit like disdain,
38:59
Speaker 4: I had a bit of a fucket attitude to money
39:03
Speaker 4: and started spending a little bit more. And I think
39:05
Speaker 4: it did help me not be so uptight about budgeting
39:08
Speaker 4: and spending, but it was still not a nice way
39:11
Speaker 4: to learn that money lesson. My partner and I moved
39:14
Speaker 4: back to Australia because of the coronavirus pandemic, and we've
39:19
Speaker 4: had a good look at our finances and now that
39:21
Speaker 4: I have a partner I can look at saving for
39:24
Speaker 4: a house again, but we are making sure that it's
39:27
Speaker 4: a very, very even split, so that we both own
39:30
Speaker 4: exactly half of the property, because I think it's very
39:32
Speaker 4: important that women have their own stake in the future.
39:37
Speaker 4: Until two months ago, I was earning sixty thousand dollars
39:40
Speaker 4: a year. However, I have recently gone freelance and now
39:42
Speaker 4: earn more like two thousand dollars a month. My best
39:45
Speaker 4: money habit is saving a significant portion of my salary.
39:50
Speaker 4: I pay myself first, and I think that's a really
39:52
Speaker 4: good thing. However, my worst money habit is over extending
39:55
Speaker 4: myself and dipping into my savings more than I should.
39:58
Speaker 4: But She's on the Money podcast and the Facebook community
40:00
Speaker 4: have really helped me open up about money. It's not
40:05
Speaker 4: something that my friends and I have ever discussed before,
40:07
Speaker 4: but suddenly I'm having all these really great conversations about
40:11
Speaker 4: investment properties and the apps we use to manage our money,
40:15
Speaker 4: and it's been really, really helpful, and I love it.
40:18
Speaker 4: If you'd asked me five years ago, I would have
40:20
Speaker 4: rated my financial behavior as an A plus. However, after
40:23
Speaker 4: two years spent traveling and splurging, i'd probably rate it
40:27
Speaker 4: at more leg A.
40:28
Speaker 1: C plus, what did we think of the financially fit
40:34
Speaker 1: of feminist Victoria.
40:35
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I genuinely cannot believe that a mortgage
40:39
Speaker 2: broker told her to go away and come back when
40:43
Speaker 2: she has a partner.
40:44
Speaker 1: That made my blood boy.
40:46
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm still mad Georgia. Honestly, I think that that is, like,
40:51
Speaker 2: let's be honest, I'm a little bit opinionated on this podcast.
40:54
Speaker 2: That's disgusting, Like that is so wildly unacceptable. It's not funny,
40:59
Speaker 2: like the eye that we need a man to be. Essentially,
41:02
Speaker 2: our financial plan is beyond outdated. And it makes me
41:07
Speaker 2: feel bad that she's had that experience. So don't get
41:10
Speaker 2: me wrong. If she's gone to London and had an
41:11
Speaker 2: incredible time like that's something that I'm sure she doesn't regret.
41:15
Speaker 2: But at the same time, think about the wealth and
41:18
Speaker 2: the creation that she has missed because someone told her
41:22
Speaker 2: that she wasn't capable, And to me, that's not appropriate.
41:26
Speaker 2: So our friend Miranda was a prime example of this
41:29
Speaker 2: in the Facebook group this week. She's brought her own home,
41:32
Speaker 2: done it all on her own. As you guys know,
41:35
Speaker 2: I do have a mortgage broking firm as well, and
41:38
Speaker 2: that is something that we see all the time. We
41:41
Speaker 2: often see women purchasing their own homes and it's one
41:45
Speaker 2: of those things where, yes, there are a number of
41:47
Speaker 2: factors that come into it. So sometimes we see women
41:50
Speaker 2: that come in And I had a beautiful twenty five
41:52
Speaker 2: year old come in recently, sat down with her and
41:55
Speaker 2: we were talking about, you know what she can achieve
41:57
Speaker 2: her financial advisor as well, and she's say about one
42:00
Speaker 2: hundred and eighty thousand dollars honestly insane.
42:03
Speaker 1: And she's twenty five.
42:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, twenty five, She's amazing. She does still live at home.
42:07
Speaker 2: There's a lot of you know, privilege going on there
42:09
Speaker 2: in a really good way. Like she's got a lot
42:11
Speaker 2: of things going for her that have enabled her to save.
42:14
Speaker 2: She's also just a really great saver, Like it's all
42:16
Speaker 2: a lot of her if that makes sense, Like she's fantastic.
42:19
Speaker 2: She's been saving for her first time since she was sixteen,
42:22
Speaker 2: so this has been a goal for her for so long.
42:25
Speaker 1: I'm going to buy imagine absolutely.
42:27
Speaker 2: But Georgia, she's not because she actually doesn't earn enough
42:31
Speaker 2: to reach serviceability.
42:32
Speaker 1: And you can't just have it.
42:33
Speaker 2: So you can't just have a big deposit, and it's
42:36
Speaker 2: heartbreaking to say, Okay, well sorry, but so you've worked
42:40
Speaker 2: so hard and you have this deposit, and it's not
42:42
Speaker 2: actually about creating more deposit because you've got twenty percent
42:45
Speaker 2: for the home that you want to purchase. However, you
42:49
Speaker 2: won't get serviceability. So no, it's not about her getting
42:52
Speaker 2: a partner. Yes, I'm sure that mortgage breaker was right
42:55
Speaker 2: when it comes down to it, Yes, another income would
42:58
Speaker 2: have helped her get serviceable, But no, let's reframe this.
43:02
Speaker 2: What can you buy that's in your price range? Do
43:04
Speaker 2: we potentially start investing her surplus income, park her house
43:09
Speaker 2: to posit over to the side, and wait for her
43:11
Speaker 2: to get a higher paying job in the future so
43:13
Speaker 2: that that can still be a financial goal while still
43:16
Speaker 2: creating wealth. Like, there are so many things that we
43:18
Speaker 2: could have done together to create wealth and actually put
43:21
Speaker 2: her on the right path, but instead someone shot it
43:23
Speaker 2: down because it was too hard basket for them by saying, oh,
43:26
Speaker 2: come back when you've got a partner. That's not the answer.
43:29
Speaker 2: It is not a good thing to say that. It
43:31
Speaker 2: is not constructive, and it doesn't actually help us feel empowered.
43:35
Speaker 2: And I think it's really important to know that if
43:36
Speaker 2: someone says no to you, it doesn't actually mean no.
43:40
Speaker 2: Take everything with a grain of salt. A mortgage broker
43:42
Speaker 2: does get paid on the loan that they process for you,
43:46
Speaker 2: So maybe they were thinking that it was too lower
43:48
Speaker 2: of a loan and it wasn't worth their time. And
43:50
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that that's appropriated. Absolutely is not Get
43:54
Speaker 2: a second opinion, Like, if you've got a goal that
43:56
Speaker 2: you want to achieve, like anything is genuinely possible. It
43:59
Speaker 2: might not be possible in that timeframe, but sit down
44:01
Speaker 2: with someone who can hold your hand and explain to
44:03
Speaker 2: you the steps you personally need to take to achieve
44:06
Speaker 2: that goal. Don't let someone wipe it and then you
44:09
Speaker 2: go blow it like that is so upsetting. Like I'm
44:11
Speaker 2: glad that she's on the right path now. However, it
44:14
Speaker 2: didn't have to be the case and someone shouldn't have
44:16
Speaker 2: treated her like that.
44:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was nice as well. I mean,
44:20
Speaker 1: I don't know what you would say to this Victoria,
44:22
Speaker 1: but she mentioned that her attitude to money kind of
44:24
Speaker 1: relaxed on once saving for a home wasn't her goal anymore,
44:28
Speaker 1: Like she went to London was able to enjoy all
44:30
Speaker 1: the things that she'd been quite disciplined on beforehand, like
44:33
Speaker 1: she kind of got to enjoy.
44:34
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't think it's a bad thing. Yeah, she's
44:36
Speaker 2: been through that situation.
44:37
Speaker 1: Waste time.
44:38
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I think that a lot of us put
44:41
Speaker 2: too much pressure on ourselves that we need a home,
44:44
Speaker 2: Like a home is not the one thing that's going
44:46
Speaker 2: to create wealth for you. I work with lots and
44:49
Speaker 2: lots of millennials who have no goal to purchase a home.
44:52
Speaker 2: They're just investing in chairs and living their lives and
44:55
Speaker 2: going about creating wealth in a different way. Because the
44:59
Speaker 2: way that the world worked thirty or forty years ago,
45:01
Speaker 2: when property was the way to create wealth, doesn't mean
45:04
Speaker 2: that that's appropriate now. If it's a goal of yours,
45:07
Speaker 2: fantastic clack, let's do it. Let's smash it out, let's
45:10
Speaker 2: get it done. Let's buy you your first home, because
45:12
Speaker 2: that's really exciting. But if property isn't something that you
45:15
Speaker 2: were in love with, then don't really feel the urgency around.
45:18
Speaker 2: Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, stop putting yourself in
45:22
Speaker 2: someone else's shoes, and start working towards something that actually
45:26
Speaker 2: creates happiness for you.
45:35
Speaker 1: That is all we have time for today, But before
45:37
Speaker 1: we head off, let's quickly wrap the boring but important stuff.
45:40
Speaker 1: The advice shed on shoes on the money is general
45:43
Speaker 1: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
45:46
Speaker 1: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
45:49
Speaker 1: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial
45:52
Speaker 1: decision and stress less, we promise. Victoria Divine is an
45:56
Speaker 1: authorized representative of Australia Pacific Funds Management proprior to Limited
46:00
Speaker 1: ABN three four one three two four six three two
46:03
Speaker 1: five seven AFSL three three nine one five one. And
46:06
Speaker 1: thank you, of course to Ryan John for editing today's
46:09
Speaker 1: chat and to the Wild Pod you guys love.
46:11
Speaker 2: We would love it if you joined our Facebook group,
46:14
Speaker 2: where our community shares money tips and tricks every single day,
46:17
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46:20
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46:22
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Speaker 2: as well. We're at She's on the Money a US.
46:27
Speaker 1: See you next week.
46:28
Speaker 2: See next week