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191 - The Invisibility Problem: The Silent Power of Habits (Until They Disappear) · Getting After It

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: One observation that I've made in my life is that many people tend to quit habits before they start working.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: For example, they'll go to the gym for two weeks, see no changes, and then say, oh, well, they felt nothing.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they'll start morning walks and their depression doesn't lift.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or they reach out to someone who they haven't talked to in a while, and it feels like the conversation is almost forced.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so people begin to think, you know, what is the point of all this?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what's the point?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't doing anything.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe that that's the trap.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: These habits aren't producing something that you can see, they are preventing something that you can't.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You don't feel the anxiety that they're holding back, and you don't feel the loneliness that they are quietly keeping at bay.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: You just feel normal.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And normal a lot of the times does not feel like progress until the day that you stop.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then you feel exactly what that habit was doing for you.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Getting After It Podcast, my friends.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, I'm your host Brett, and in this podcast, we talk about all things self-growth, getting out of your comfort zone, and building a life that you're proud of on purpose and not by default.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I uh before we begin, we have a couple housekeeping items to go through.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, it's time to crack this little patriotic diet Coke can.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Cheers to the troops and everyone else.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's begin this thing.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, I want to tell you about my wife and her brother.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: This past weekend they ran the Salt Lake City half marathon.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I honestly don't know why I didn't sign up for it, but it was much more beneficial for me to be on the sidelines for this one.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was a spectator.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: My wife is four and a half months pregnant, and she ran that race at a I think she finished at 2.34.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: That was her time.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: She's four and a half months pregnant.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I remember talking to her the night before, and I was like, Why are you doing this?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, like you don't have to prove anything, you don't have to do this.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you're fine.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, Well, I like to do hard things.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she wants our kids to know that.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so Winston, our little boy, uh in her belly, he's obviously not thinking about, oh wow, my mom just ran a half marathon, but she is setting the example from a very early age that you know when he comes out and he starts starts to understand and process what's uh what's going on in the world.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know my wife is gonna sit him down and say, Hey, let me show you some pictures of when I ran a half marathon with you, our little Winston.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I just think that was it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen, and one of the most inspirational things.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of the times I think people think that they have to be perfect to go out for half marathons.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: They have to be perfect and they have to train really hard to go and do these things.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: My wife's training, like, I don't think she ran longer than seven miles leading up to this.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: And she, to her credit, had a lot of pain.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: She uh was not comfortable running that marathon.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Her hips are incredibly shot.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I've been trying to help her.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it was just one of the coolest things.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want to tell you about her brother Blake.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: He has always run the Team Tim races.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Every time that I've uh been there, um, he's been doing it from the very beginning, and he never took running very seriously.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Up until this point, this this race he wanted to train for the Salt Lake City half and actually do his best.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so he went out and he trained every single week, had long runs on Saturdays, and he PR'd his half marathon time by a full hour.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think his time officially was 156, 158.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I can't remember, and I'm sure he'll remind me.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: But it's just awesome.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like those two examples, I think the first with Allie shows that even if your conditions are not perfect, you can still show up and do your best.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't the pace that she has hit before.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: She walked a lot of the time, but she was determined to finish.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something we can all admire and learn from.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then with Blake, his example, if you train for something really hard and put all your attention and your focus into trying to get better, the results will come.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: He PR'd by an hour, which is nuts.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's so awesome.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: So just wanted to start off by telling those two stories because I mean, it's the getting after it podcast.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I like to tell things, I like to tell stories about people who are getting after it.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not just about me.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want to talk about other people in my community.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, for example, before we jump into it, sorry, I'm kind of going around in circles today, but uh, there's just a lot on my mind.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: The second is uh my friend Mason, the buff runner, he's been on this podcast before.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: He's running a thousand miles around the Leighton High School track to raise money for single parents.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: His goal is$100,000.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I went and I ran with him for just a few miles, but hearing him talk about what his cause was and and what he's doing, like that was super inspirational to me.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And and we talked about the pain because I asked him directly, I said, like, how are you dealing with the pain?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, you know what, it's always there, but my goal is to finish, and it might be longer than I originally anticipated it to be.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: But he's like, You'd be surprised what your body can do when your mind is in the game.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that just stuck with me.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think that's a very important thing that we can all relate to and think about, especially as we go through hard times in our lives, not just with physical fitness or um other things, but like if if your job is is really difficult right now, like you can stick through it.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can find a new one.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or if your relationship is a little muddy, like be the person who's trying to take ownership for it and work for way work on ways to make it better.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it's just a great example of grit, tenacity, and strong ass determination.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's really all it is.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, he is driven.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Also, there, uh, I saw Braden and Jace, my buddy Braden Galbraith and then Jace Skidmore, two guys that I've met through running and have become friends now.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And um, it was just awesome running with them, running with Mason, and all of us are just there to support him and help him along the journey as he gets to a thousand miles.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, just some pretty awesome stuff going on.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, if you want to donate to Mason's page, I'll actually put it in the notes, but check it out if you feel inclined to donate, like it goes a long way.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And with that, let's get into what we're talking about today.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want to talk about something that's been on my mind for a few weeks now, uh, and kind of a hard subject, honestly.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And a friend of mine, he's going through an incredibly difficult stretch right now.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: I will keep the details very loose out of respect to him, but I just want you to imagine this.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Isolated, barely leaving his apartment, disconnected from people who actually care about him, struggling mentally for close to an entire year.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's hard for anybody.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I've noticed recently something has started to shift inside of him where I believe that he's gotten tired of the life that he's been living, and he wants to start making a change, and it's nothing dramatic.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's not going out and trying to fix it all in one day.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: What it looks like is, you know, he's taking a walk outside, he's making phone calls, he's trying to eat decent meals, and trying to exercise.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you look at those, those are all relatively small inputs, but they're stacked day after day.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And he's starting to come back very slowly, but he is coming back.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And watching that happen made me want to sit down and actually talk about this subject.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's a lot that I think we sometimes overlook when it comes to habits.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: We exercise, we we eat healthy, we try and set goals, we try and stay consistent with all these things, we hold up our relationships, but a lot of the times there's not a there's not a significant return until you stop doing them.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want to talk about why exercise, why sunlight and genuine human connection, they're not just nice to have.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that they're load-bearing.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And we almost never realize that until we lose them, until we get out of our habits, and it happens to everybody.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Habits are hard to keep, especially if you want to have good ones.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's much easier to take the alternative course where you know you're just staying inside, you're sitting on the couch watching Netflix, grabbing a bag of Cheetos, grabbing a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, and some cactus cooler, and those are all things that I used to eat, guys, and I absolutely miss them.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I won't I won't lie to you.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'd sit on my couch and play video games for hours while just scuffling that stuff down.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was great days, but that's not me anymore.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think it's a very healthy habit.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So don't be like old Brett, old fat Brett.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um But I like to think of this as the invisibility problem.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: That good habits, they feel like they're doing nothing right up until you realize that they're doing everything for you.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: A while back, back in 2021, I went through a stretch like this.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it didn't happen overnight, like where I suddenly gave up on all my good habits and and I was a completely different person overnight.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: It was slow, like it was almost like a slow drift.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're out in the ocean and there's a rip current, and you don't feel like it's too strong.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're like, okay, that's that's a little concerning, but like I'll be fine if I just stay right here.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, you you know, five minutes go by and you're out half a mile away from the shore, and you're like, holy hell, I gotta start paddling.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then you start to panic a little bit and you start paddling, and it's not until you learn that you have to go with the current, you have to swim perpendicular, that that's how you get out of it.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of what happened with me.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was sick.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: You guys know the story of when I was sick, but if you don't, very quick refresher.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have a tumor in my pituitary gland.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: No one knew what it was for the past or for the for the two years that we studied and we tried to figure out what the problem was until they realized that my hormones were out of whack.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: And during that time, I legitimately thought that I was dying.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so I neglected a lot of habits.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I started isolating myself.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't really care to reach out to other people.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um I led up a lot on the gym and things that are important to me.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, wasn't studying as much as I do now.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it wasn't some dramatic thing that happened overnight.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was just slow.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I told myself that, you know what, I'm sick.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I don't want to do these things.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna honestly be very selfish and just think about Brett for a while.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then people would reach out all the time, and I I told myself that I'd catch up later with them.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I told them I was busy, and later turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm talking about like why it is so crucial to try and grab that drift, try to try to get afloat before it turns into something detrimental to you.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't believe that my friend thought that you know his his habits were putting him in a very hard place to be.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think he thought that.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was more of like, you know, he probably thought he was fine.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Up until he wasn't.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I woke up one day during this time and I I just felt low.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I felt kind of hollow, and I couldn't name it.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't understand what was going on.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'd take out my phone and I I didn't want to talk to anybody, and I moved through the day and and feel nothing on either end of it.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it took me longer than I'd like to admit to connect the dots, really.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's a great quote by Steve Jobs where it says, You can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect the dots looking backwards.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: So having that perspective, I'm able to see a little bit more into my situation and understand what went w what went wrong.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: But the friendships I'd been skipping were showing up in how I felt.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't know this.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: The conversations that I was too busy for at the time, the small moments of real human contact, I'd slowly deprioritized.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was real.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: They had been doing something when I was doing them, and I just hadn't noticed until they were gone.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do you do in a situation like that?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that you can go from zero to a hundred very quickly.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's more of a slow progression.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: So all I started doing was reaching out to people again.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: I would, you know, text a friend who reached out to me asking how I was, and I'd call people who were calling me, and I just ignored their calls.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of a messed up situation.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know why I did that.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think honestly, it was just because like I had low motivation to do anything.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was a little bit depressed during that time too.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I I literally thought I would die.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was two years with no answers, and my condition kept on getting worse.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it got to the point to where I was 135 pounds, and I realized I needed to make a change.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to do something different to get back into the game.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so making the effort, even when it felt like work, I think was a very important thing for me to do.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Within a few weeks, the heaviness started to get a little bit lighter, and nothing in my external life really changed.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was still dealing with the same things, I was still sick, but you could say that I just plugged back in.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I had versions of this same thing happen with exercise and getting outside.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Two very important things that I think can really lift your mood and put you in better spirits if you're feeling low.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Every time I let the habit slide and come back to it, there's a moment where I think, always, there is a moment where I think, why did I ever stop?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: If I was receiving this benefit every single time, why would I ever stop?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good question to ask yourself.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you take a look at your life and say, okay, well, what habits are good?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: What feels like work?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: What's something that I do every day that I need to do?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens if I stop?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just be real with yourself.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the answer for me is is always the same.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I was doing it, I didn't feel better, I just felt normal.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And normal is easy to take for granted, honestly.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I like to call the invisibility problem.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: It feels normal until it's gone.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, think about the foundation of a building.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: I like this analogy, I think it helps paint the picture a little bit, but you never see it.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: You walk around it, you take the elevator, you take the stairs, you sit in meetings, and you don't ever think about the foundation of a building.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe unless you're an architect or an engineer, you're thinking about it then, or you're in construction.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: But the foundation typically doesn't cross your mind once.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you think about that foundation, that holds everything up.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine if somebody quietly started removing the pieces, like one section at a time.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: The building will still stand for a while.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: For a while.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you're still taking the elevator, you're still sitting in those meetings, nothing really feels different until one day it does.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: It collapses.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: The building collapses, and you're in it.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're stuck.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: And your daily habits are that foundation for yourself.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I know like habits get talked about a lot in the self-help space, and they are very important.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to understand that like your habits dictate the person that you are.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Exercise is not a feature that you add when you feel motivated, it is something that is structural.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: For me, that has been the case.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I talk about it so much on this podcast because I believe that it has built the foundation for who I am today.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's taught me how to do hard things.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's taught me how to stay consistent.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's taught me how to stay in the game when I don't see progress, but I know what the goals are I'm trying to get to.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sunlight, I don't think is just a mood mood booster.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Neurologically, it's doing something serious.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll talk about that a little bit later in this because I have some fascinating um information I pulled from Andrew Huberman, who I love.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: He's a great guy.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then connection with other people.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: That isn't the reward that you that you get when you, hey, have some free time.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: It is a basic maintenance requirement for the human brain.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you think about us as hunter-gatherer people, or when we would travel, as an I didn't do this.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is I'm I mean talking thousands of years ago.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you're traveling in groups, you're hunting you're in a tribe, you're with other people all the time, and with being with people is such an indicator of survival in those times because you're able to defend yourself from rabid animals.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know, the saber-toothed tiger back then.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: I would not want to go out against that thing alone.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: I need a group of people, I need Braden, Jace, Allie, Blake, I need all these people to come fight the saber-toothed tiger with me.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: But it is a basic maintenance system being with others.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: James Clear, he writes in atomic habits that you don't rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like your habits aren't the ceiling, they're the floor.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm trying to get across to you today.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you really only notice the floor when it drops.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: The brain is wired to notice change and not the baseline.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so exercise today, like you feel great tomorrow, and you credit it.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: But eight months of consistent training and feeling normal on a Tuesday, the brain doesn't register that as the habit working, it registers it as nothing.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: And maintenance is invisible, prevention is invisible.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that invisibility exact is exactly why we undervalue these things until we need them the most.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get into the biology here, where I told you we're going to talk about Andrew Huberman because he's fascinating.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know who Andrew Huberman is, he's a neuroscientist from Stanford.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: And he has a podcast, he always talks about these things.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: He's written books before, but he studies the brain.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: And he has spent years publicly breaking down what exercise, sunlight, and social connection actually do for the brain.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: When you hear it laid out, you stop treating these habits as wellness recommendations and start treating them as medicine.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like take sunlight, morning sunlight specifically.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Get outside within an hour of waking up and expose your eyes to natural light, and you trigger a cortisol pulse early in the day.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where you want it.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is all from Huberman, so I trust it.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: But the that peak regulates your energy, your mood, and oddly enough, the immune function.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it sets the timer on your mind to release melatonin, which means better sleep later in the day.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so one morning walk is doing half a dozen things inside your body simultaneously, and you feel none of it.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: So interesting to think about that.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: All these great things are happening inside your body, but you don't really feel it in that moment.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: You feel it throughout the day.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you just feel like you went for a walk.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get into exercise because I think what Huberman talks about will maybe hopefully open up your eyes to what exercise actually does.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: He talks about how a single session of cardio, just 20 minutes long, that increases your dopamine, your serotonin, and your norepernephrine.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Phenomenal.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: That is fantastic.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's so awesome.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: And those are the same neurotransmitters that actually antidepressants target.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: So a 20-minute run is doing something chemically significant in your brain.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Not as a long-term project.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's happening literally right now when you're doing it.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: And the problem is those effects accumulate very quietly.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: You don't feel the elevation because it becomes your new baseline.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't stop and immediately fall apart.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: You just drip drift slowly back down when you're done.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: When you don't do it anymore, when you give up exercise, you just slowly drift, just kind of like how I did.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Connection is probably the most underestimated in terms of value that you're putting into your brain.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: So social isolation isn't just uncomfortable, it is genuinely harmful to the body over time.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was fascinated when I learned some of these things.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: But chronic stress hormones suppress human immune function, they elevate your risk of depression.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: And again, we are wired for connection in the most literal biological sense.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: We have to have that connection.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: You go without it for a while and you will feel it.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of those things that it's like you will absolutely feel that after a good amount of time.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And just slowly, quietly, in ways you tend to blame on everything else except for the actual cause, which is lack of connection.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: I am so passionate about men's mental health.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've talked about it on this podcast many times, but a lot of the times when men, including myself, have gone through a struggle, a time where they're maybe in a sort of depression or a funk, a lot of the times they like to isolate.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely did.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it is one of the Worst things that you can do in those moments.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because in those moments, your brain is screaming, hey, listen, I need something.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: I need connection.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: I need to be with other people.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's not good for you to be alone.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And my friend who's who isolated for almost a year, I think that his body was under a heavy amount of stress that put him in an emergency state the entire time.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was because he was cut off from things humans need to function.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's us.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's about each other.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go back to my example where I talked about when I decided to finally get out there and put myself back into the world.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: But it took me a while, honestly.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would get some movement in, I would do things that I used to do and that I would be proud to be called disciplined in.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I just I had to rebuild those habits over time.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: It took a while.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Just like how it takes a long time to build a habit.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: It takes a while if you get off that habit and you have to go back to it.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like you're starting over.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: But during that time, something was happening underneath all of it that I really couldn't see.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: My foundation was coming back.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like one load-bearing wall at a time, I was putting it up, and oddly enough, Winston Churchill, um, the man who my baby's named after, he tells a story in a book where his exercise was just building walls.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like he would go out and lay bricks, and then he'd break it down and then do it again.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I think about like when I was bringing those habits back, I had Winston Churchill in my head building those bricks, building up those load-bearing walls so I could function properly, so I could be a happy guy.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: And just as it takes a long time to build a building, to build those walls up, it's gonna take a long time for you to get these habits back.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe your story's different.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're lucky enough to be able to just push through all that and to just start up right away again.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: You have enough discipline.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: But that wasn't my experience.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I think everyone's story is gonna be a little bit different.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: So just be patient with yourself as you're trying to rebuild habits, or if you're trying to build new ones, like just be patient with yourself.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you guys know the quote from Seneca: we suffer more in our imagination than in reality, and I would extend that.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: We also recover more through action than through intention.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think my way out of the situation.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: I had to walk my way out, quite literally.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: I had to study my way out, I had to pray my way out, and to be with other people my way out.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like those are all things that I had to do to get my life back.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's small inputs, compounding in directions that I could not track.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't just fix my mental health, it really made me someone who was grateful for the things that I've been neglecting.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you can look at habits and consider them hard.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but if you don't have them, I can almost guarantee you that your gratitude for them will increase because you know what they're what they're doing for you.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know what they're helping you with.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the goal of habits is not just to feel better.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to become someone who does the thing, who is a runner, who is a lifter, a podcaster, a reader.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: Every walk, and I love this concept from James Clear, but basically what he says is like every walk that you take is a vote for the identity of someone who goes for walks.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you reach out to a friend, you're reinforcing who you are.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like you are someone who shows up.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you move your body when you don't feel like it, when you don't feel like it, that's a big one.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're writing a line in the story about yourself.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: You are the author.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Clear talks about identity-based habits.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: They are more durable than outcome-based habits.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'll add one thing.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: In the beginning, you don't have the identity yet.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're borrowing it.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: You go for a walk before you feel like a walker.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: You make the call before you feel like a good friend.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: The identity comes after action.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the gap between those two things is exactly where I believe most people quit or fall off.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: They quit because they don't feel like the person who they're trying to become.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: They interpret that feeling as evidence it isn't working.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: But you can't feel like that person you haven't become yet.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: You have to act your way into it.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, identity-based habits, I believe, are much more powerful than outcome-based.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: And an example of an outcome-based habit is okay, if I go exercise, I will gain or I will be able to eat 500 more calories than I would be if I didn't.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that's that's an outcome-based habit.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: But if you want to be someone who lifts and who runs and who actually exercises, you're a healthy, fit person, you have to do it first before that identity comes.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe that's a place that you could stop and think about.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Are there any outcome-based habits that you do?
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: And is there a way that you can tie your identity into it?
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about three ways that I think that you can start doing this week to understand your habits more and to actually make some more progress.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: The first being protect one physical habit like it cannot be canceled.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like pick one form of movement and treat it the way you treat an appointment or a call that you can't move.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: Not if I have time or not when I feel like it.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's on the calendar and it happens.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: The moment you treat it as optional, it becomes optional.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And optional things disappear when life gets hard.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly when you need them the most.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Number two is send one text today to someone you've been neglecting.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not a long message, not some apology, just reach out to them.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Say that you've been thinking about them, ask them how they're doing.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Connection does not require some grand gesture.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: It requires a small, consistent signal that you are there for them.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships atrophy the same way that muscles do.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: Slowly, quietly, until one day you try to use them and realize the strength is gone.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Allie, she's taught me this thing that I love to do.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little exercise to do.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: But anytime that you think of someone throughout the day, doesn't matter if you haven't talked to him in a while, doesn't matter if you talked to him yesterday or that same day, send them a text.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: Just say, hey man, thinking about you.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how are things going?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: Love to learn, you know, what's going on in your life, what you're into.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: Just little things.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: But anytime you have a thought about somebody, send them a text.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a very powerful thing.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it keeps that keeps that consistent habit of wanting to reach out to other people and keeping the connection alive.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, number three, track absence, not just presence.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Most people, I believe, track their habits by whether that they did them.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: And they start noticing, you need to start noticing how you feel when you don't.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: You miss three days of movement and pay attention to what shifts.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like you skip the social interaction for the a week, check in with yourself, see how you're doing.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is how you build real conviction about why the habits matter.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not from reading what they're supposed to do for you, from feeling what happens when you stop.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Your body keeps the score.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: And you you need to learn how to read it.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a big one.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever things are not going in, going great, and maybe you've noticed that you missed a few days, that could be a signal to get back into it.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love my friend, but I don't want you to be like him in the sense that you wait a year to start doing these things again.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: A year of feeling some kind of way that is terrible, makes you feel horrible, until something in you finally shifts.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not judging him.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: Depression and isolation have their own gravity.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's a hard subject.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: But they pull you in and make movement feel impossible a lot of the times.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're listening and you're not in that place, if you're doing okay, if life is moving, I need you to hear this.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: Do not wait for that version of yourself.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: Don't wait until the foundation has crumbled to feel the building shake.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: The habits that you're doing right now that don't seem to be doing anything, they're doing something.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're holding back something you don't want to meet.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: So keep doing them.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: Not because it feels heroic.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of the times they won't.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: And not because you'll see immediate results, you probably won't.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Do them for because the version of you that skips them is worse than your current self.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: You've worked too hard to let that version win by default.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: And my friend, he just started with a walk.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: So just walk.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: And now he's coming back.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's a powerful thing, really.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: When you understand what habits actually do for your life, when you understand the power that they have, even when they do feel like very small and little things, they add up over time.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Everything in your life compounds.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you do things that are very difficult and you are proud of the person that you're becoming, that will compound over time if you're consistent with it.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the same goes for the other direction.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you start neglecting things, if you start easing up on certain habits, you'll become a person that you probably don't want to meet.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's just critical to understand where you're at now, where the areas of improvement are, and work to get there.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: It will take time.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: But with time, good things will happen.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: You'll become the person that you you are proud of, and you'll keep getting after it.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's really it.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: The power of habits is undeniable.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: And don't deny it.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: Live in it, roll with it, and keep going.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you guys listening to this episode.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um it truly is something that has changed my entire life, understanding what my habits are and understanding who I am when I don't have them.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure you felt something similar in your life before, but always try your best to stay consistent with the habits you have.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: Remove bad ones if you need to, and promise you things will change.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode helped at all, please leave the show a nice little rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Helps the show grow, helps it get a little bit more visibility.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I just genuinely appreciate it.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: And leave a comment too.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: I always love hearing from you guys about what you took from the episode.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: It means a lot.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we're all in this together.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: We are all in this life together, and it's much easier to do it when you have other people in your corner.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: So be that person for others and find that person when you need them.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: But until next episode, everyone, stack those habits, build the foundation, and keep getting after it.