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Intrusive Thoughts Hypnosis to Stop Thinking About a Partner's Past · The Hypnotist

• 0:05
  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
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  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing
• 0:12
  genuine. Issues.
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  Brought to you by The Hypnotherapist, Demanded by
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  celebrities, CEOs and even royalty, Adam Cox.
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  These recordings took place live from Adam Smith in London's
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  world famous Harley Street. So get yourself comfortable and
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  enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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  Do you ever have thoughts about your current partner, perhaps
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  even an ex partner, that kind of ruminate and just pop into your
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  head and then spiral? It's actually quite a common
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  thought process and it quite often comes from a part of your
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  subconscious mind that wants to protect you, stop you from being
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  hurt, or to try and extract wisdom and learn from the past.
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  My name's Adam and in this hypnosis session, you're going
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  to hear a hypnosis session built for a client that really had
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  non-stop thoughts about a time period before they got together
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  but after their previous marriage.
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  And there was a six year window and they would ruminate on the
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  different relationships, the different situations that their
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  current wife had before they were together.
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  And unfortunately, that wasn't a useful way of thinking.
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  It led to feelings of anxiety and insecurity and
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  obsessiveness. And that wasn't conducive to the
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  kind of relationship that they had.
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  And they felt that it was down to the kind of unsafe
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  environment they had in their childhood.
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  So in this session, it's actually quite a long session
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  and it's different levels of disassociation and perspectives.
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  There's regression to a childhood memory, there's
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  regression to their previous relationship.
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  To extract all of that wisdom to learn that they needed different
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  standards in place even back then to do some parts therapy
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  because there was a part that was really confident and assured
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  that things were going to be fine, and another part that was
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  warning them and trying to protect them from emotional
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  pain. So we needed them to be on the
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  same side rather than working against each other, harnessing
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  the resources they had in the early parts of the relationship
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  and imagining that all of these intrusive thoughts that they're
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  having actually happened earlier.
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  That rather than not knowing until after they were married,
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  imagining that they had all of that information beforehand and
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  it didn't change anything. So there's a lot going on here
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  and it ends with future pacing where they get a sense that
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  they've got evidence that the change has taken place.
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  A lot of the suggestions are very, very specific to the
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  client that I was working with. The childhood memory, the first
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  relationship. At its core though, this is
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  about the parts therapy. It's about the part that wants a
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  great relationship and the part that's trying to keep them safe,
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  working as a team rather than in conflict.
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  And sometimes the clue of conflict is almost like those
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  old fashioned cartoons where you have a devil on one shoulder and
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  an Angel on the other, and they're kind of trying to talk
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  the person into doing something that's a clue of conflict.
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  If you've got a part that says, but you should do this and you
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  said, but I don't want to, that's that kind of dynamic of
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  kind of polarizing parts. And we want to turn that tug of
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  war into a three legged race. So they're actually moving in
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  the same direction. So there's a lot going on here.
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  Hopefully you'll get some value from it.
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  And if you do want something like this but bespoke to you,
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  there will be a link in the description where you can
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  schedule a free consultation call to explore working with me.
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  For now though, find a quiet, comfortable place where you
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  won't be disturbed. Relax and enjoy the session.
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  Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe in, breathe in that
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  slow, long breath of relaxation. And as you exhale, give
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  permission to just release. Release any stress, any
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  overactive thoughts. Just feel them start to leave
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  your body in that outward breath, breathing in,
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  relaxation, exhaling tension. Each breath takes you deeper and
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  deep, relaxed. That's it.
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  And on the next outward breath, really release your eyelids,
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  relax them, allow them to feel heavy as you realize with your
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  eyes closed how much easier it becomes to focus on the sound of
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  my voice. That's right.
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  And the slower and longer you breathe, the more relaxation you
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  inhale and the more tension you exhale, where each breath
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  enables you to drift deeper and deeper, relaxed.
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  And I want you to feel like it's turning a dial down on any need
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  to think, evaluate, or preempt. That's in drifting to that place
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  of relaxation, where the deeper you breathe, the more relaxed
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  you become. And the more relaxed you become,
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  the deeper you breathe. And as your body relaxes, your
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  imagination awakens. And I want you to think of a
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  beach you've been to before, with clean, soft sand, calm
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  waters, perhaps on a day of blue skies and sunshine.
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  And let's just imagine that this beach, it's completely private.
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  It is just for you. That's it.
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  Breathing in, breathing out. And I want you to imagine the
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  sea is calm, but then imagine temporarily a very short storm
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  comes along and the waves get jumpy, volatile.
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  And I want you to get a feeling that that's natural, that in
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  times of turbulence, it's natural for the waves to be
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  larger, crash harder. But imagine that that short
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  storm fades away, the sunshine returns, and look how naturally
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  the sea returns to being a calm sea of gentle waves.
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  And I want you to get a feeling that for most of your life your
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  mind was like that calm sea. But then something happened.
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  Lots of different things in different directions, kind of
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  like an emotional storm. And while that storm was
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  happening, the waves got bigger. But I want you to get a feeling
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  that throughout it all, you have remained focus on your goal.
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  Your goal is your future, the very thing that you're building.
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  And I want you to get a sense that perhaps the sea is already
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  calm or just becoming calmer. But let's help.
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  I want you to imagine somewhere on this beach is a doorway.
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  And this doorway leads to a memory of your past.
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  But you don't return to the past as you were.
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  You return to the past as you are now, and this door doesn't
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  need to be connected to a building because it's just your
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  imagination. So maybe imagine a wooden door
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  there on the beach, and as I count from 5:00 to 1:00, you
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  will imagine opening the door, walking through the door, and
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  finding yourself back at a childhood home, perhaps when you
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  were just six, 7-8 years old. But you will return at your
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  current age as the observer. If you can imagine the door in
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  front of you, let me know by nodding your head.
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  That's it. 5 Just imagine putting your hand on the handle.
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  4 Turning the handle. 3 Opening the door. 2 Walking through the
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  door and one closing the door behind you.
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  Just imagine you're there on someday, perhaps when you as a
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  child were worried. And I want you to imagine nobody
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  can see you except your younger self.
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  And maybe you can recall the layout of that home, certain
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  things that used to be there, maybe clues of volatility, lack
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  of stability. But I want you to seek out the
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  room that you used to sleep in as a child.
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  Imagine knocking on the door, opening the door and going
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  inside, seeing that younger version of you.
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  And I want you to reassure that child that you are them from the
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  future, and even at 7 or 8 years old, they might be skeptical.
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  So I want you to share with them a secret that only they would
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  know. There's evidence that you are
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  them in the future. And when you've established that
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  trust, let me know if I'm nodding your head.
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  That's in. And all I want you to do is
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  listen. Is maybe that younger version of
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  you had beliefs and worries, thoughts and fears but no one to
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  share them with and just listen. And maybe that child is sharing
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  feelings of feeling unsafe, of not getting the attention or
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  reassurance they need. But I want you to imagine what
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  it would be like to give that child everything that they
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  really needed and wanted back then.
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  A feeling of safety, of reassurance, perhaps even
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  understanding. And as you do that, see their
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  facial expression and their body language change.
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  And tell them. Tell them certain key things
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  that you know happens in the future and that they can handle
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  it. That in some ways this time in
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  their life will actually lead to high levels of success.
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  Tell them you believe in them. But most of all, tell them that
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  they are loved and they are worthy.
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  They are good, they deserve good things and they deserve love.
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  And I want you to imagine giving a resource to that child that
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  you really wish you had back then.
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  Maybe confidence, maybe self belief, maybe perspective.
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  But imagine handing over a glowing ball of energy to that
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  childlike version of you. See them absorbing it.
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  They're in their chest and feel that shift rippling all the way
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  from their time to yours. A sense then.
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  Your worth isn't connected to what you've achieved, how you
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  look, status or money. Your worth is irrefutable simply
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  because you are. I don't want you to imagine that
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  you can return to this room to help this child with anything
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  else in the future. But for now, tell them you'll be
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  back. Give them a hug, tell them
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  they're loved and worthy and you can see see them drift off to
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  sleep with a smile on their face as they seem calm, relaxed and
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  safe. But as you leave the door, I
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  want you to imagine the door takes you to a new house in a
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  previous relationship. And let's walk through that
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  door. And when you find yourself in
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  that new house, perhaps shortly after the arrival of a new
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  child, but you're there at your current age, which means you
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  also exist at the time that you were living there.
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  When you arrive in that house, let me know by nodding your
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  head. And I want you to imagine
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  finding yourself there, alone, or perhaps with a small baby
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  nearby, and you can see yourself those years younger.
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  And the difference is, as you know, everything that happens
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  from that point onwards. I want you to consider this an
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  intervention. You can't change the past, but
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  you can change the meaning. And when you found that younger
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  version of you, yet still an adult, let me know by nodding
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  your head. And I want you to tell them the
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  things that they're tolerating, that they don't need to.
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  Criticism, power dynamics, game playing.
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  And maybe you see the look of shame or embarrassment or
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  awkwardness on that younger version of you.
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  You could also tell that younger version of you why you're doing
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  it. Putting your children first,
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  loyalty, doing what you think is right.
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  But I want you to tell that younger version of you that it
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  doesn't help that you shrinking to not rock the boat doesn't
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  mean that boat isn't going to go into the direction it's going to
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  go to anyway. And I want you to coach that
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  younger version of you to adopt the standards that you now have
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  as you recall that time when you said no more.
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  And I want you to articulate that to that younger version of
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  you so that your standards become their standards.
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  And this creates a new timeline. We can't change the timeline
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  that has already happened, but I want you to see what would
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  happen if that younger version of you adopted the standards
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  that you now have. It may not salvage your
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  relationship, but it may salvage your self esteem, your
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  confidence, yourself worth, and even your soul.
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  And just imagine seeing that new timeline, and if you get a sense
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  that the standards that you now have back then would have
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  helped, let me know by nodding your head.
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  And that becomes evidence that your current standards are the
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  right standards, which means that you've learned from your
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  past. I want you to find a different
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  room in that house that's empty as you say goodbye to that
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  younger version of you. And in that room, we're going to
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  invite two different parts into that room.
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  The first part is the part that craves love, connection and
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  trust. That intuitive part that just
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  knows that things are going to be OK and is that version of
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  you. That part enters the room.
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  Maybe you see them looking confident and self assured,
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  certain. And when they've arrived in that
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  room, let me know about nodding your head.
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  But now I want you to invite another part that clearly exists
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  and insecure, perhaps even paranoid, maybe even suspicious
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  part. That part that likes to go down
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  rabbit holes, that is always wondering when the next shoe
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  could drop. And when that part enters the
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  room, maybe they look different, fidgety, anxious, everything you
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  would expect and overthink it to look like.
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  And when they've arrived and you can see them, let me know by
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  nodding your head. That's right.
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  And I want you to thank both parts because they truly have
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  good intentions. The part that is trusting and
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  certain and confident, well, that part helps you to be
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  decisive. There are some people when a
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  relationship fails, it almost taints every possibility and
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  sabotages any possibility of happiness.
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  That part ensured you found someone right for you.
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  So thank that part because without them you wouldn't have
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  your new relationship and see them smile and take that.
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  But you can also take that anxious, fidgety part, thank
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  them for their intention, and ask them if their intention was
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  to protect you, to warn you, a form of due diligence, to make
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  sure you're not stepping into something that could be a
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  mistake. And if that part agrees that
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  that's its true intention, let me know by nodding your head.
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  And you could be grateful for the intention, but not grateful
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  for the way it's executing that intention.
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  Because it's executing that intention by playing scenarios
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  again and again and again, thinking about all of the what
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  ifs, all of the downsides. But what if that doesn't protect
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  you from a bad relationship, but sabotage a good one?
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  And I want you to share that with that part because it truly
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  wants to help you. And maybe it didn't realise that
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  it's potentially taking a good thing and making it worse.
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  And I want you to ask that part if it's willing to help you in a
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  new way. And if it agrees, let me know by
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  nodding your head. Because this part is simply
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  hyper vigilant. It's looking for clues when
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  there's no crime. It's looking for red flags and
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  the flags are green. And all I want you to do is ask
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  this part to change its threshold.
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  Some people have had a smoke alarm that's too sensitive.
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  Just making some food sets it off, but equally, if the smoke
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  alarm never went off, if there was a fire, what's the point in
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  having it? And I want you to ask that part
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  to only help you analyse things if there is truly something that
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  would affect your evaluation of the relationship.
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  And maybe it's way too sensitive.
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  And now you only need to have this part helping you if there
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  is truly something going on. And I want you to think back to
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  perhaps red flags that you missed in your previous
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  relationship and ask this part to use that relationship as a
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  training ground. That if things like that, that
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  you tolerated that in hindsight you shouldn't come up in this
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  new relationship, then it will warn you.
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  But set the parameter that it has to be things from when the
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  relationship started to the present.
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  That anything before you started dating doesn't count.
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  And if that part agrees, let me know by nodding your head.
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  And now all three of you in the room want the same thing.
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  A good relationship of love, respect, trust, but also that
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  leads to a wonderful future. And if all three agree, imagine
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  making a pact perhaps, where one hand goes on, another goes on
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  another. Like a pledge, an agreement, a
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  consensus. And when all parts agree, let me
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  know by nodding your head. That's it, and you can tell both
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  parts you trust them to take this new responsibility.
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  The initial part you need their help to be more trusting, to be
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  more certain, and the other part to only warn you if there's real
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  cause for warnings. All parts are now in harmony,
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  helping you move forward without the need for overthinking.
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  Unless you leave the room. Imagine the door taking you to
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  another memory. This time you're the observer of
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  your first date with your current wife.
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  Imagine opening the door, walking through, and you are now
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  an invisible observer. No one can see you, not even
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  that younger version of you. And I want you to see yourself
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  that very first meeting when the door opens.
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  You had complete trust, certainty, extreme certainty.
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  I want you to see that you were aligned.
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  You trusted your intuition. You knew what you found was
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  right. This is the first part truly
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  activated. I want you to see perhaps that
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  first kiss, holding hands, the conversations, but I want you to
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  imagine we're going to invent a new date.
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  Perhaps somewhere between your second, third or fourth date,
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  we're going to create a new one and you get to imagine the place
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  and this time step into that version of you that was
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  absolutely certain that this was the right relationship for you.
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  Imagine being in a particular, perhaps restaurant, particular
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  location, the kind of place perfect for a conversation.
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  And I want you to imagine asking them about the period, perhaps a
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  six year period, when they were dating but before they found
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  you. Notice your voice is not
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  insecure, not intimidated, not worried at all, but just
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  curious. And imagine observing as what
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  you hear doesn't affect that version of you at all.
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  In fact, your mannerisms are a nodding head smiles.
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  Nothing said deters you from knowing that this is the
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  relationship that you desire. And when you're certain that
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  even after you know everything, it wouldn't have changed a thing
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  in your decisions, let me know about nodding your head.
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  Rewind it. Step into the version of you
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  imagine having the same conversations now from a first
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  person perspective, but feel like it was your second, third,
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  or fourth date. Casual, confident, curious.
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  You share about your dates, they share about theirs.
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  Short relationships, longer relationships.
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  None of it bothers you at all. As your inner dialogue is
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  saying, none of this matters. It doesn't matter.
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  Because if nothing could have deterred you then, then any
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  thoughts about the past can now be considered futile.
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  And I want you to think of what kind of sabotage it would have
• 30:45
  done to your career to spend lots of time or thinking time
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  pursuing futile things. You already have a standard that
• 30:57
  just says I don't do that. And I want you to feel that
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  standard of what you do and don't do is now applying to
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  those thoughts of the past and worries of the future that it
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  has to be genuine concerns. Otherwise it simply isn't
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  important. And if you feel that you can
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  activate that new standard, that new threshold to be able to dial
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  down the volume or just shut them down with a response like
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  who cares, doesn't matter, and feel that's true, let me know by
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  nodding your head. And you might need to train that
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  part. There may be echoes of that
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  anxious part that come back and you need to remind it that's
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  below the threshold. That is them not meeting their
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  responsibilities. And now I want you to leave that
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  imaginary day, but with a feeling of if nothing could
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  deter you even with all the information, then the
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  information isn't needed now. And I want you to imagine
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  returning. Returning to a home where you
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  live and imagine seeing a full length mirror.
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  And in that mirror, I want you to imagine it represents the
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  future. I want you to imagine stepping
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  through the mirror and being an observer.
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  Perhaps if yourself in six or 12 months time, you're observing
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  yourself. But I want you to see how that
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  future version of you reminds you a lot more of that version
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  of you on your very first date. Self assured, confident, clear,
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  high standards. And I want you to see how you
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  being that way enhances the relationship.
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  I want you to see that future version of you focusing on the
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  things that matter. I want you to see yourself with
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  a new source of income, building a wonderful future with your
• 33:42
  wife, making progress towards those goals.
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  And I want you to see an absence of any of those facial
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  expressions or body language that you've had when you've been
• 33:58
  having those intrusive thoughts. It just seems to be gone.
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  In fact, I want you to see yourself with the look of peace
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  and I want you to step into that future version of you and just
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  check. Check what it feels like to have
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  thoughts that are constructive, useful, that move you forward.
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  Because that's evidence of an absence of those old thoughts
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  that used to ruminate, take you down rabbit holes.
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  And if you can feel what it would feel like to be in that
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  future feeling that wonderful sense of peace and an absence of
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  those ruminating thoughts, let me know by nodding your head.
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  And I want you to locate that feeling of internal peace, maybe
• 34:58
  in your gut, your chest, or somewhere else, and just imagine
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  expanding it, amplifying it. Notice a calmness in your inner
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  dialogue. And I want you to try and come
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  up with a ruminating thought, the kind of thing that would
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  have had you spiraling in the past and almost smile when it
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  comes up as you remind that part.
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  Then we don't do that. It doesn't matter.
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  It doesn't meet the threshold. And if you feel that you can
• 35:35
  successfully start to see it arrive and then nip it in the
• 35:44
  bud, see a flicker and then dampen it straight away, let me
• 35:48
  know by nodding your head. That's it.
• 35:52
  And as time goes on, you'll get better and better at making
• 35:59
  these old thoughts so mundane, almost like grey, unimportant,
• 36:08
  boring. And it just becomes a fleeting
• 36:14
  thought that doesn't occupy your attention or your time and just
• 36:21
  fades away. And I want you to return through
• 36:26
  that door, back onto that beach, and now see what was those
• 36:33
  choppy waters now seems calm and still.
• 36:37
  And I want you to see, see a sense of not just calmness, but
• 36:48
  excitement there on the horizon. A feeling that your future is
• 36:53
  very bright, full of wonderful experiences, not because of what
• 36:59
  you achieve and what you do, but simply because of who you are
• 37:06
  and who you love. That's it.
• 37:13
  It's time to leave this place. Taking all of those parts now,
• 37:18
  working together, giving different meanings from past
• 37:23
  events, and extracting all of the wisdom.
• 37:27
  That's it. Very soon I will count from 1:00
• 37:32
  to 10:00 to awaken you. So take a deep breath in through
• 37:35
  your nose and out through your nose.
• 37:39
  Just wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes, connect and calibrate
• 37:44
  into the here and the now as I now count from 1:00 to 10:00 to
• 37:50
  awaken you. Starting to count 123 waking up
• 37:55
  456 more alert 7-8. Open your eyes.
• 37:59
  Open your eyes 910 Wide awake, Wide awake.
• 38:05
  Wide awake. Thank you so much for joining me
• 38:16
  on today's episode of The Hypnotist.
• 38:19
  If you've enjoyed this episode or got some value from it.
• 38:23
  Please give it a. Five star rating and review, and
• 38:26
  maybe you know someone that would also benefit from this
• 38:30
  particular episode, in which case.
• 38:32
  Share the episode with. Them so they can also get the
• 38:35
  benefit too. And if you would like to.
• 38:38
  Listen to this episode where it's just the hypnosis, so no
• 38:43
  intro, no outro, no explanation, just the hypnosis and completely
• 38:48
  ad free. There will be a link in the
• 38:50
  description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
• 38:54
  only get access to the hypnosis. So if that's of interest, please
• 38:58
  check that out. Thank you again for being a
• 39:02
  regular listener of The Hypnotist and I'll see you again
• 39:05
  soon for more.