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"I Need a Hug": The Power of Vulnerable Requests · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for April 21st, 2026 I need a hug. The power of vulnerable requests.
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  How are you about asking for what you need from your spouse?
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  I find a lot of folks are very bad at this, especially when what they need is emotional.
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  The picture with this post is Widget asking for attention.
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  Tilly asks for attention by putting her paw on us. Whiskey comes up and pushes
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  her head under my hand to ask for pets.
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  They know what they want, and they have no problem asking for it.
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  I wish we were all that straightforward.
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  Recently, Lori told me, I will need extra hugs today. It was an amazing thing
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  to hear her say that. I felt trusted.
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  I know being able to do this is from recent healing, and it's still a bit raw for her.
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  I was all about giving her hugs when I thought about it, and stopping to do it when she asked.
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  Her honesty about her need blessed both of us and made our marriage better.
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  I suppose some will say we need to have limits, including knowing the time and
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  place for expressing our needs.
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  While there is truth in that, we often use it as an excuse for hiding needs we should express.
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  The Bible says you have not because you ask not. I realize people aren't as
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  good as God about meeting valid needs, but what James said still applies.
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  Lori and I tell husbands and wives, if you don't ask for whatever,
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  you are not denied or refused that thing when you don't get it.
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  We also tell folks hinting is not asking. Neither is hedging or tacking on,
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  if you don't want to, it's okay.
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  Asking means saying, I want blank. Or even better, I need blank.
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  There are a number of reasons we don't do this. Number one, we worry about being dependent on others.
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  But God created us to be dependent on others. It's a feature, not a bug.
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  2. We don't feel we deserve to receive what we need. I find this at odds with what the Bible says.
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  We are commanded to love and care for each other, so clearly those needs are to be met.
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  What's more, the Apostle Paul frequently asks for prayer and support from those he wrote to.
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  3. We worry that if others give us what we need, then they will gain power over us.
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  This can happen, and it does mean that we need to be wise about who we ask to give to us.
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  Number four, we think if we receive, we must give While it should not be a quid pro quo,
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  each of us should both receive and give If you don't ask of others because you're unwilling to give,
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  then you have a selfishness issue Number five,
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  we are not honest with ourselves about what we need That last one is the biggest
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  roadblock for many I will deal with that in depth tomorrow This is Paul,
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  and expressing your needs is actually doing marriage well.