Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / The Inner Work That Changes Everything with Lewis Huckstep

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The Inner Work That Changes Everything with Lewis Huckstep · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Today's episode, I'm really excited to learn.
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  Speaker 3: From this Mayor.
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  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
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  Speaker 2: He is a good friend of mine. He is a
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: phenomenal coach and he specializes in purpose, business and relationships.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: You know, we love relationships.
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: We do.
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  Speaker 1: He really goes deep and he talks really fast, So
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: make sure you guys really stay in tune because I've
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: consumed some of his content online. But he is a
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: world of knowledge and wisdom and one of the most
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: passionate people I've ever had.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Oh He's a weapon, absolutely so. Lewis Huckstep Welcome to
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: the podcast.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: Thank you boy.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: We're really excited to have you on and talk about
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: all things relationships, business and finding your purpose.
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: Wherever you want to get bask.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: Before we get started.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: You're on a Monday episode here every month on no
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: so we ask our guests, or we we share a
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: share of the week.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: So it could be a product, could be a restaurant, cafe.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: I'm getting into pickleball.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Does that compt Oh that's so trending right now, isn't it?
• 1:20
  Speaker 5: Is it more of like a hobby? Is it to
• 1:21
  Speaker 5: get out of the work mindset? Or is it to like?
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: What's it all?
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  Speaker 4: I love games. I always like like card games, board games, monopoly. Deal.
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: It's like simple and competitive and my wife's really good
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: at it. We should be too much.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, is it as long as a normal game fifteen minutes?
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: Getting get it? Because I'm anomoally game six hours? You
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: get a commit change my answer a deal.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: We'll get into it. So we know a little bit
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: about you. Obviously you and Tiana are friends. But for
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: anyone who's never heard of you, in a nutshell, what
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: do you do?
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  Speaker 4: So? I help people find their true self, which is
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  Speaker 4: purpose values, authentic self, and I've got a couple definitions
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  Speaker 4: of that. I help them get clear on the vision
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: they want for their life. So what does the life
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: actually look like? That is inspiring to what does inspired
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: life look like? And then how do you remove all
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: the mental emotional blocks that would stop you from creating
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: that life. Success is eighty percent mindset, twenty percent skill set.
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: So mainly it's the mental emotional who are you, what's
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: your purpose? What do you love? What's stopping you from
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: pursuing it? But also the skills where I take the piss.
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  Speaker 4: I'm in spiritual circles. I'm into meditation, into plant medicines
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  Speaker 4: and shit. But I'm going to the mates who just
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: meditated and libertator all day and do fucking nothing with
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: their life. They don't take action. And then you've got
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  Speaker 4: the other side where it's like hustle, hustle, hustle, where
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: you guys have that doing this and doing business. It's
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: like you need to take action. But if you don't
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: have the other side, you're under fields, you're burnt out,
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: and you're just like chasing the I'll be happy win
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  Speaker 4: miles space. It's the mirage you never get to. And
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  Speaker 4: I was at for a long time with the gyms,
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: when back when you came down the gym years again,
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  Speaker 4: So it's integrating those two worlds. It's like, how do
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: you actually be super happy, super fulfilled, but also take
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: action because you can't pay you landlord with gratitude. Me
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  Speaker 4: I integrate those two worlds. So watch your purpose? Who
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: are authentically? What do you love? What do you want?
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  Speaker 4: What's the actual plan and skills needed to create that?
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: And then let's address all those mental emotional blocks that
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: would stop you from doing it. Because if you know
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  Speaker 4: what to do and you're not what you know, it's
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  Speaker 4: something in here. So we want to under that which
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  Speaker 4: you'd be into as well.
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  Speaker 3: That's a powerful thing. Yeah, it is.
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  Speaker 1: Do you find as Most people don't know what the
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: purpose is. So how do you get started of finding
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  Speaker 1: your purpose?
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  Speaker 4: I got done with as autism and ADHD, so I
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  Speaker 4: break things down very granular. So your purpose is an
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  Speaker 4: expression of your core wound. So pain is purpose, wounds
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  Speaker 4: is wisdom. So what was most painful for you becomes
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  Speaker 4: most important to you. Wow, mine was around her misunderstood
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  Speaker 4: and rejection. So mine is around healing and raising consciousness.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: So I was traumatized and had my wounds when I
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  Speaker 4: was younger. When I was born, I didn't get given
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  Speaker 4: like a use is manual to life. It's like who
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  Speaker 4: are you? What do you want, how do you get it?
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  Speaker 4: Who are you? Authentically? All these things? So for me,
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  Speaker 4: it's recognizing what is your purpose, that's the fuel source
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  Speaker 4: and the direction it gives you direction, meaning and fulfillment
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  Speaker 4: and unlimited motivation to get there or inspiration. The need
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  Speaker 4: for motivation is a symptom of an uninspired goal. So
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  Speaker 4: when you actually know what you want and you're fulfilled
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  Speaker 4: by it, you'll be willing to take action towards it. Yeah,
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  Speaker 4: you find your core wound, what did you need back then?
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  Speaker 4: And then you articulate into a sentence and then how
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  Speaker 4: can you solve problems for others in alignment with that?
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  Speaker 4: And how to get paid to do it?
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  Speaker 1: I kind of agree with that, and then it's also
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  Speaker 1: combining a passion. So for me, my biggest room was
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: feeling alone growing up, so I never want it need
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  Speaker 1: on to feel alone. And I also love sport as
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  Speaker 1: really competitive love sports. So when it comes to becoming
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: a PT, it was like, wow, I get to help
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  Speaker 1: all these women be active and I make sure they
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: never feel alone through their process. And then it's kind
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: of gone off into the podcast and to other avenues,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: but that's my care rooms for their loans.
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  Speaker 5: So good as to your I feel it's mine is unworthiness.
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  Speaker 5: And I think that's a lot of what I do
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: within my coaching businesses to help women, yeah, be able
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: to you know, be able to feel worthy, focus on
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  Speaker 5: their self worth, their confidence, their self belief, and looking
• 4:40
  Speaker 5: at how they can increase their overall self value in
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  Speaker 5: the way that they see themselves because that's something that
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  Speaker 5: I lacked when I was younger.
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  Speaker 4: And you'll be inspired by. You don't need motivation to
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  Speaker 4: do it. You've got to tear in your eye when
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: you perceive it. So when someone comes to you and
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  Speaker 4: you're like, oh my god, you've helped me lock myself.
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  Speaker 4: I feel so worthy, you'll be like, oh my god,
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  Speaker 4: that's so true.
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  Speaker 3: So true is as we're crying.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and so twos come through. I just did a
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  Speaker 4: three day event and we do purpose, mission, vision values,
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: and we do limiting beliefs, trauma and all these things
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  Speaker 4: over three days. Transformation is my favorite one. It's like
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  Speaker 4: when that breakthrough moment where like the healing happens, the
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: transformation happens, and my balancing process is my traumal process.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: We do it on day two. We start at like
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: midday and you just go to you done, and essentially
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  Speaker 4: I'm walking around and it's a process where there's twelve steps,
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: but you can't move on to the next step until
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: I let you move on to the next step to
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  Speaker 4: actually up bullshitting yourself. Essentially, like I'll go around and
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: I'll go to a hearse and i'd like ask from
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  Speaker 4: the questions and it's like I just picture key words
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  Speaker 4: of the locks and the keys, so I just need
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: to say the right words to unlock the combination to
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: get the breakthrough. So I'll let you walk over to
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  Speaker 4: this lady and I'll ask the question, looker in the eye,
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  Speaker 4: tears comes woe, and then I'll move on to the
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  Speaker 4: next one. Then boom, net fluxed, boom, and I'm crying
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  Speaker 4: the whole time because I'm so inspired and oh there's there.
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  Speaker 4: So it's like four hours of just like ecstasy for me,
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  Speaker 4: and like all these people, it's yeah, very inspired.
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  Speaker 5: So I was sommutable. Oh my gosh. I would love
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  Speaker 5: to know your own experience. And you know, obviously you're
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: helping people with you know everything that you're doing relationships,
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  Speaker 5: business and finding your purpose, and you speak a lot
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: on trauma as well, so I would love to know,
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  Speaker 5: like what was like a defining moment for you in
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  Speaker 5: your journey where you were like, holy shit, I need
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  Speaker 5: to go on this journey and this is hugely significant
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  Speaker 5: for me.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the main one that comes up. I share
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  Speaker 4: it on in my book. I was the very like
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  Speaker 4: I'll be happy when achiever like a chief achieve. Chief
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  Speaker 4: got the three gems by twenty two, and it was
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  Speaker 4: always like I need more, I need more, I need more,
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  Speaker 4: And it was because I was not enough and I
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  Speaker 4: thought external circumstances will fill internal points. It doesn't work
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  Speaker 4: our way as you guys. So I hit a breaking point.
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  Speaker 4: So I had three gems, but it was like built
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: on sands, like there was no real assistance processes, leadership,
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  Speaker 4: like I was the business like if I took one
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  Speaker 4: day off, it was all everything from yeah, everything crumbled.
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  Speaker 4: So I remember we hear like a breaking point and
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  Speaker 4: I had the three and I had a business partner
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  Speaker 4: with two of them, and one of the business partners
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  Speaker 4: he was like, let's sell one of them. And I'm like, yeah, fuck,
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  Speaker 4: I'm done too, let's sell it. So we went through
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  Speaker 4: the like twelve months founded by I went through the
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  Speaker 4: contracts and then there's like to us twelve months to
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  Speaker 4: get the signature, like sold, it's fourteen day of cooling
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  Speaker 4: off period. He pulls out on two days left. No,
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  Speaker 4: and like this is like my lifeline, Like I'm living
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  Speaker 4: off four hours of fleet and like I used to
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: take trains and put on Instagram show how hard I
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: was working. It's the Brenvach to the belt. And I
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: was just like stress, anxious, overwhelmed, unhappy. Relationship was on
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  Speaker 4: the rocks, like and it was like that was the
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: straw that broke the camel's back. I just remember the
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: phone call with the guy, and it's funny because he
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: actually paid him to mentor me later, so he's actually
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: a good friend of mine. He just got me and
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: just said this deal's fucked, this business is fucked. We're
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: pulling out, and I just dropped to the ground cry
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  Speaker 4: and I'm like I don't know what to do. One
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: of my mentors, Ages Ago, said, life gives you a
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: feather if you don't listen to rock, if you don't
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: listen to bus. So that was the buster wake me up.
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: I was already doing self development, like Tony Robins, Cohen
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: Ray Seminars books podcast and all that stuff, but it
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: was just life will give you the stimulus or the
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: catalysts for you to wake up. And that was the
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: big one for me. I ended up literally giving that
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: business away and so his game to my business partner,
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: I said, I don't want this had fifty percent of it.
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: So that was about two hundred grand of the business
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: that I don't want to take it. I can't handle it.
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: And from there then we went through COVID with two gyms.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: That was fun in a nutshell as well, but during
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: that it was like really deeper levels of work, like
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: I've done the NLP in my mindset stuff, but not
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: the real deep purpose heally liberating stuff. Gone to DeMartini,
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: dro to Spenzer, Peter Crone, plant medicine, breath work, and
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: just went really really deep into it. And yeah, then
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: I sold the second gym at the end of COVID
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: and then I had one left. I hide myself out
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: of it and I was making two three grand a
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: week for an hour worth work because I do a
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: team there, and then I had all this time to Okay,
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: what do I do now? It's like seven years of
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: like head down, pump up, grind thrown Bryan Crime. I
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: was like, I want to give this back to others,
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: And that was four years ago now, so I've been
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: doing it for four years down it's crazy.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Then we takes a big breakdown to have a breakthrough
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  Speaker 1: like that. The hustle, it's quite addictive for a lot
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: of people, and it obviously meets a lot of human needs.
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: How did you.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Break through even though you had all this time?
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  Speaker 5: Now?
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Was it temptation to go back into doing something and
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: hustling or you're like, I just cannot do that life anymore.
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: Like if you listen to the breadcrumbs of inspiration, it
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: leads you to your purpose. So it's like if I
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: got everyone listening to bring into their hearts and say,
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: what is it that you're truly here to do? Like
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: you'll have a whisper. You just got to listen to it.
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: So you're a parent, yeah, I got to go to
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: your So kids are so in touch with their intuition,
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: they're so embodied with them. But then we get diditioned
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: out of it and we have all pertorma, all that
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: stuff we pick up. If everyone actually listens to their truth,
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: they know what it is. We just need to peel
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: back all that bullshit, trauma, limitations and projections of who
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: you think you have to be, got to be, must be,
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: to be enough, Get rid of that, who are you authentically?
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: And then how do you do that?
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: So much outside noise?
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  Speaker 1: Hey yeah, yeah, it's a lot of inner work too
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: that I think a lot of people are really scared of.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Do you get a lot of people that come to, oh,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I want to work, if you'll want to change, then
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: when it gets down to actually having to peel back
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: those layers, like, oh.
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it takes courage to do work. It's the ego
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: I define as your human identity. So it's not good,
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: not bad. It's like when people say that's your ego,
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: that's their ego saying that so so jurios everything. Think
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: of the programming on these phones. It's like there's programming
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: on those phones to operate without any programming it. It's
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: got nothing there. But if you download a virus, that's
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: the limitations. So you will remove the limitations. Like kids,
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: I always say, when a child is born, what parts
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: of the baby is worthy of love? What's your inswer that?
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: All of that, But then we go through trauma and
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: limitations and we learn some parts of us aren't lovable.
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: That's the unheal part. That's trauma. You may have heard
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: this self growth or healing is learning to love all
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: parts of who you are. So essentially it's learning to
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: find those parts you shame yourself for things, you get
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: triggered by the things you project onto others, integrate heel
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: thos that's your authentic self, and then again give that
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: back to others and get page to do it. That's
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: essentially dream.
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: What do you think of some misconceptions that people have
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: around potentially doing this work and looking at this sort
• 10:22
  Speaker 5: of avenue, Like, what are the misconceptions you think people
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: might have.
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: One of them is that they're broken. Firstly, there's something
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: wrong with you. It's like you're just removing the things
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: that aren't you. So it's like the statue of David.
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: You may have heard that quote. So Michaelims made the
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: statue David. Someone asked him, how do you make such
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: a bitful statue? He said, it was easy. David was
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: always in the statue. I just removed everything that wasn't hit. Yeah,
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: So it's again finding the parts of the viruses or
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: the trauma, the persona's the wounds which are on top
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: of your authentic self. You're in a child, removing that
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: and you're left with you, so you're broken. Some people
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: will think it won't work for them, which kind of
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: ties into that they're broken. Yeah, some people think it
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: takes a long time. Now, Yeah, there's a disclaimer on that.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: You can have instantaneous transformation in moments. I've had people
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: that have come to me done therapy or talk therapy
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: for forty five years. We do one process and we
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: heal that particular thing, but I believe healings never finished.
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: There's always more to do. So I believe transformation if
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: you do the right tool, from the right coach and
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: the right healer who are you working with, you can
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: have instantaneous transformation from having the breakthrough moment. But there's
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: always more layers to find. So I think that's very common.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: Like people think I need to do therapy for twenty
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: years to overcome something I had declined. She was sexually
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: assaulted from her dad for five years, so from the
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: age of five to nine, and she got this beautiful testimony.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: I posted it recently actually, and she'd done talk therapy
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: for thirty years and it had not been healed and
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: she did one process, my balancing process, and she got
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: to the point of gratitude and love for her dad.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: Now that's hard to comprehend when people hear this. So DeMartini,
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: he's my biggest se mentor, doctor John de Martini. He says,
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: anything outside of loving gratitude is a lot side of perception.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: So it's like life happens for you, not too. How
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: do you say that when you go through those types
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: of things, you do a process where you don't just
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: get it in your head, you get in your heart
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: and you actually feel it and you're left with nothing
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: but tears of love. So to tell most people that
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: without going through it themselves, it's hard to comprehend that
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: she did thirty years, didn't crack it. One session got
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: it done.
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: Also, getting a body on board is there's a sematic connection.
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: There's five bodies to heal through mental That's what NLP
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: talk therapy, Every cognitive stuff that's mental body, physical body
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: is sematics. So if you've ever heard the issues are
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: in the tissues where you store trauma or emotion in
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: your physical tissues, bodywork or sematic work will help with
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: that emotional body. I think is what you're referring to
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: is the nervous system, and your emotions goes. You have
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: suppressed emotions. That's where like a breath work or a
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: screen or a rage or something like that can actually
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: release that. You've got the energetic body. That's the one
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: I'm most unfamiliar with. That's where like reiki healing, sound
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: healing comes into But I worked with the reiki healer
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: for six months just to try it because I don't
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: know what the fuck it was. I'm not very much
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: like beliefs, perceptions and practical stuff. I'm like, what the
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: fuck is recking it? I still can't tell you what
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: reco healing is. And then the fifth is the spiritual body.
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: So that's your level of connectedness to presence, to the
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: present moment, to God, source, universe, whatever you believe in,
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: and how aligned and present and connected you are with that.
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: So you just want to identify which body is most
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: blocked for you or needs the most addressing for you.
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: No ulternate martial art. Only the ulternate martial artist who
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: knows every martial art and uses the right one at
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: the right time to get the right result. I've had
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: people like say this tool is better than this tool.
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: I say, bullshit, right time, right place, So true. So
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: I'm a breathwork facilitate and have heard breath work people
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: say breathworks the best thing ever, like maybe at the
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: right time. So anything that's pre cognitive, you've got no
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: memories of it. So you were three months old and
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: your mum was stressed and you took on her stress.
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: So you have suppress emotions in your nervous system with
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: no memory of it. So that's where NLP is going
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: to do nothing or d Martin is going to do
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: nothing because you've got nothing there, but your nervous system
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: knows it. If you've read the book the Body keeps
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: the score, This will Fouandercock. Your body's going to have
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: that emotion in you. So that's where like a breath
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: work where it actually knocks out your conscious mind and
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: it just expresses anything that's in there is perfect for that. Yeah,
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: right to a right place. If you're holding how everything
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: looks like an al So yeah, it's just having all
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: the tools. A bit of a quest I on in
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: my journey is to become the ulterate martial artist. So
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: anyone comes to me with anything, I can like figure
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: out what it is. Then I have the right tool,
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: pull it out, use it and get a breakthrough.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: Move on consistently expanding your tool.
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: I aim to add two tools each year. So I
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: want to do internal family systems. If you've heard of that, IFS,
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: and I want to do psych K. I'm not sure
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: if you've.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Heard of that.
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: So Bruce Lipton's talks about it, so he says it's good,
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: So why not? So why not add to it? First?
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: I go try it to receive it, to say okay,
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: because some things don't work as well, some things work
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: really well, but I don't see myself doing it. Reiki
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: healing is a good example of that. I had great
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: breakthroughs with Reikie. But I'm like, I don't think I'm
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: going to be a reiki. I just don't feel like
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: that's what. That's not me. Like client medicine. I'm not
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: becoming a fucking sharman. I do it often. And I
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: also I think you have to be born into that
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: lineage to become a sharman.
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: I think I'm going to charm it to that you
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: just decide one day.
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: I don't think you can do that that. Yeah, So
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: for me, I go and try tools and I'm like, Okay,
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: this was really meaningful to me. This actually gave me
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: a shift. And if it's aligned with what I'm into,
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: it's like, let's go get certified in that so I
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: can add to the tiket.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: That's cool.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: I'd love to talk more about relationships because I know
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: that you work. So do you work mainly with couples?
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: And what would you say are the main issues that
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: are arising in our generation?
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: Send me to eighty percent of my clients with women.
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: And the reason being, I think is I use the
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: word healing a lot, and that's why I don't have
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: anything to heal. I don't call myself a relationship coach.
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: I call myself a transformation coach. And my work is
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: magnified in relationships. So lifes and mirror if you've heard that.
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: So when you get triggered or you judge someone, you
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: project onto someone, it's something within you that they're mirroring
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: back to you. Where does that happen the most relationships?
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: So like you guys, I've met you once a couple
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: of times indirectly yourself, but you guys don't see me
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: when the dog's piste on the carpet. You haven't seen
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: me when we've had financial pressure. You haven't seen me
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: when I have a fucking sled properly, like you've seen
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: some sides to me. I try to be authentic. If
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: you answer ask a question, I'll give you my own answer,
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: But you're not going to see the full spectrum of me,
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: all parts of me. Who gets to see that, My
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: wife gets the say do so just by proximity. Your
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: relationships mirror you more than anything else. So true. So
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: the things that I say you need for a conscious,
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: healthy relationship. Number one, ownership of your own shit. So
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: whenever you get triggered, it's not your partner, they're the
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: mirror to you. It's actually you're just playing their part
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: to marry you. I talk about triggers versus boundaries, which
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: are come to you later. But first of all, responsibility
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: of your own stuff. If you want to be in
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: a conscious relationship and both partners don't have that, or
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: one does and one doesn't, it's not gonna work because
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: one person will grow here, integrate, work on themselves. The
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: other partner is going to play victim and say it's
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: your fold, it's your fault, it's your fault. That doesn't
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: last forever. It eventually will fizzle out. Second point is
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: you actually have real alignment with the vision of your relationship.
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: What type of relationship do you want, what of sex,
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: what type of communication, finances, travel, etc. What's the vision
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: and what's your actual non negotiables? And I categorize non
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: negotiables as I would leave this person if they didn't
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: have it. You've got to be super black and white.
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: So for me, self growth, intimacy, good communication, I want kids,
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: and health. They're my main ones. I say three to
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: seven because I've been on other podcasts about relationships and
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: you hear these people have like one hundred checklists, this tall,
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: this colorize, this income, all this shit. For me, that's
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: over compensation from hurts. So that's a trauma response versus like,
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: what are your actual non negotiables? No one's perfect. Everyone
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: has downsides. And then third is you learn how to
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: support and challenge each other towards the vision. That includes
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: holding space and mean, empathetic and loving and supporting, and
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: it's accountability sometimes kick them up the ass. My wife,
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: There's been times where I've had some wounds and shame
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: come up, and I've literally just cried my eyes out
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: in front of her, and she's just held space and
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: loved and supported me, and she's been time. So she said,
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: be a fucking man of your word and step up.
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: And I've said fuck you in the moment, but ego
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: comes up fucking you. But I'm like, you know what,
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: You're right, I said that and I didn't follow through it.
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: Thank you for the accountability. So it's learning how do
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: you do that in a healthy way to move towards
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: said vision, Because if you're not a line and you
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: try to hold your partner accountable to be someone, they
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: don't want to be conflict. So they're the three pieces
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: I recommend. And then it's like, how do you actually
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: identify triggers, identify the wounds, support each other to heal
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: through it. That's a more detailed conversation.
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: You know, when people are like sabotaging their relationships or
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: even subtizing business and purpose wherever the area, because usually
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: if they do it in one area, they'll do it
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: in most right, So you know, what do you think
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: of like the main common things that people would do
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: or behave in a way that would sabotage the exact
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: thing that they're trying to work towards subtache.
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: When it comes down to four pieces, so number one
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: is they're not being themselves, so they're trying to be
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: number two or someone else. That's where values and purpose
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: come into it. So whenever you hear the words you
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: have to, you ought to, you got too, you should,
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: you must, you're supposed to, or a variation of those words,
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: someone's projecting onto the other person. So if I said
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: you should get sausage dogs, you should play video games,
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: you should do things that you don't want to do,
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: and you listen to it, you'll feel like shit. And
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: I would sabotage those goals because they're not my goals.
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: So again, know yourself, be authentic, know your values, know
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: your purpose. That's the first piece. Second is limiting millions.
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: I'm not enough, I'm too much, I'm ugly, I'm bad
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: with money, I can't do this. Whatever beliefs you have,
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: you make it right. So the ego human identity. Your
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: ego has two main traits. Number one, it makes itself right.
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: That's where whatever it believes, it makes it true. If
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: you believe you can or you believe you can't, you're up.
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: And Second, it avoids pain, So that's why you mentioned
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: about like people avoiding the work because it's fucking painful.
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: We want to hide from emotions for some reason. Third
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: is trauma that gets a little bit deeper, but essentially,
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: whatever trauma you have, you get triggered by it when
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: something reminds you of it, and you'll also unconsciously protect
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: yourself from it. Use rejection because it's a common one,
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: So so you've got a wound around a rejection. Say,
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: for example, you want to start posting content, but you
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: don't want to get rejected, you won't post your content,
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: so you're protecting yourself from experience in the trauma. Again.
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: The last piece is practical, so it's like you just
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: don't know what the fuck you're doing. If you go
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: to someone who's never done business and you say go
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: build a business, you're like, yeah, what did I start?
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: So that's where the skills come into it. This is
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: where first three pieces are mainly mental, emotional, psychological. Then
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: it's actual tactics. Okay, you want to make all this money,
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: but you don't know how to market, or you don't
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: know how to sell, or you don't know how to
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: productize or whatever the thing is. So sabotage for me
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: has fallen into one of those four. I haven't found
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: it something that doesn't fit into that which would cause it.
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: So depending which one is causing it, that's what's causing
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: the sabotage. Identify it. I talk about symptoms versus root causes.
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: So have you had the theory of constraints before? No?
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: Alex Pomosi you him listen late. So he uses it
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: for business, but I'll give it a different analogy. So
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: he says, the theory of constraints is a business will
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: rise or grow to its lowest constraint. So so your
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: marketing is a ten out of ten, your sales ability
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: is a ten out of ten, but you're probably to
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: one out of ten. That's the constraint, and most people
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: in that circumstance try to get more leads and sales.
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: It's like, that's not the problem. You're selling something that's shit,
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: So fix that. That's your constraint, and then when you
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: fix that, then it will rise to the next constraint.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: Maybe fulfillment, customer service, customer experience, or something else is
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: the next constraint. So how I use it for a
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: human though, is a human's life will rise to its
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: lowest constraint. It will be a skill. You don't know
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: what skill. You don't know what to do, you don't
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: know how to set boundaries, you don't how to communicate,
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: you don't know how to be a leader, etcetera. Or
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: there's something mentally or emotionally within you that's sabotaging you
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: from actually doing it. That's where you probably have some
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: friends who know what to do, but they don't do
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: what they know. They know what to do, they've got
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: the skills, but they've got some belief that they are
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: too much, that they're fucking stupid, they're not whatever, or
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: they've got some trauma that they haven't addressed yet and
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: they're trying to protect themselves from it. So again, what's
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: the constraint that's essentially what I do for clients. What's
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: the resistance that's keeping you stuck? What's the root cause
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: of it? Let's address it, then you'll rise to the
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: next one, repeat, repeat, repeat.
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: So cool.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: So far that I do touch something on before is standards.
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: Versus boundary Y trigger is best.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: Bad triggers are the first boundaries. I'd love to expand
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: on that a little bit.
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: A trigger is an activation, So there's sympathetic triggers that's
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: like more anger, frustration, stress like activation, think of like
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: stress response. But you also have the parasympathetic triggers, which
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: is like disassociation, so like you switch off or you freeze.
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: So essentially it's an activation out of homeostasis. So you've
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: got your window of tolerance. So it's like your neutral connection.
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: Feel safe to thank for each other, be silly being
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: a child. Whenever you're knocked out of balance, you're in
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: a triggered response. Something's triggered you. A boundary is a
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: standard you hold people too. So I use a silly example.
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: When I'm at home in my office, which I never leave.
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: Whenever my door is closed, a boundary for me and
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: my wife is don't come in. So I'm with clients,
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: someone's crying, I'm working, I'm in flow. Don't fucking knock
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: them out of float. Let me work. Say she barges
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: into the office. If I turned around and I snapped
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: at her and said get the fuck out, and I
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: got triggered, that's me. So what is it that she's
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: doing that's revealing something within me I haven't worked on,
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: Because why can't I say, hey, my love is everything? Okay,
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: anything urgent happened, no worries. I'll be free in thirty minutes.
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: I'll get back to you.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: That what foils you to be angry though? That she's
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: of course it's a trigger, still a trigger, triggar.
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: Why can't you say my love is everything? Okay? Yeah? True?
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: Because it's still a boundary. Yeah, So it's how again,
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: how do you respond to it?
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: So?
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: What's your reaction to it? If you're getting snapped at it?
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: So just don't judge your answers. So if your parents
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: will partners watch this. They love you so much, don't
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: judge your answers. Think of Dad Hoover played father figure
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: for you. In one word answers, So, trauma is a
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: trait or a behavior. They did something or didn't do
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: something that was bad or painful for you. Okay, in
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: a one word answer, what's the one thing you dislike
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: most about Dad?
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Dismissive?
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Beautiful yours? Anger? So when someone dismisses you, it triggers you.
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: When someone's angry towards you, it triggers you. Now you
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: really then have coping mechanisms to overcompensate, protect and hide
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: that part of you. What's the opposite of dismissive being heard?
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: So you're trying to make everyone feel heard?
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, yes, sort of anger softness.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: You try to be soft for people and make people
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: feel soft and welcome and.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: Say probably, yeah, was green of people pleasing comes.
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: Into that about people pleasing is a coping mechanism. So
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: the most common ones for people pleasing is anger, rejection, dismissed, unheard, unloved, unseen.
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: So it's like, this was painful, I don't want right now,
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: that's me. So because you've had that pain, you don't
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: want to do it to others. So you try to
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: be the opposite, but it becomes a disowned or unloved
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: part of who you are. You don't love the part
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: of you who dismisses others. You do it, and your
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: ego will come up and say, I don't do that, Yes,
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: you fucking do.
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: I carries so much shame, so when you.
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: Do it, you'll shame yourself for it.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: What if you're shame yourself for is a part of
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: you you haven't learned to love yet. Because the lop
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: side perception, you think dismissive is bad you think anger
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: is bad. It's not. All events are neutral until a
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: human filters it into polarization. So life is not good
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: nor bad. Thinking just makes it so. Yes, it's that.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: Have you seen the movie Bruce All Mighty?
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: Yes, but I don't fully revenge heard of it.
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: Like Morgan Freeman plays God and he goes up to
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: this woman and she's complaining about life, and I'm changing
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: the words to get the message to the land harder
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: by the sagig what he says. He says. You know,
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: when you wish for strength, you don't get given strength.
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: You have given problems and challenges that make you strong.
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: When you wish for love, you often don't get love.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: You get people mean, unloving towards you to teach how
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: to love yourself. I think you said Dad was angriage
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: towards you. Yeah, that has gifted you with some of
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: the gifts of who you are today, but you don't
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: fully get it. You can intellectually start to think about it,
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: and that makes sense when you get in your heart
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: that you are the mother, you are the gift, you
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: are the leader, you are the person you've impacted and
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: all the people you've impacted because he was angry towards you,
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: you'd be left with nothing but gratitude for him. Yeah.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: Well, I feel like I'm bouncing and out of it.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: Sometimes I have all that gratitude, and logically I'm.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Like, yes, so grateful for that's intellectualizing, and if I yell,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: I'm like this, Yeah, that's where people that do a
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: lot of nerp beliefs work.
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: You can get really stuck in here, so you can
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: intellectualize it all the fuck you want, but if it's
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: still triggering you, it's still there. That's why I say
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: I don't believe anyone's fully healed, because I've never met
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: someone who's never triggered.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, have you never?
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: You never triggered?
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: Triggered all the time, triggered four times this morning.
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: So this is the game that I would love for you, ladies,
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: and for the world to start doing. You've probably heard
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: Licen mirror. Yes, your perception is a projection. So whenever
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: you get triggered or whenever you judge someone, it is
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: something within you. It's a part of you that you're
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: seen in them that you don't like, that you think
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: is bad, because all parts of the baby is worthy
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: of love, right, You don't love the angry part of you.
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: You don't love the dismissive part of you. So think
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: of someone you don't like. You don't have to know
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: the person, and don't use parents because his parents from them.
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: Tell me where something comes to mine? And one word,
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: what's the one thing you dislike most about that? But
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: manipula it is find the one word behavior or trait.
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: What are they doing or who are they being that
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: you don't like? And this is where you attract your
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: trauma into your life. So you'll attract people that dismiss
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: you and manipulate you. My mast relationship, God, this is
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: where the relationship content. I like ma from it because
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: people are like, oh my god. Fuck yeah. So you
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: will attract your unhill trauma into relationship.
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, it was the thing they bothered me
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: the most.
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: She heard all the da I'm going to generalize because
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: this is not always true, but it's very common, very common.
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: Women will attract their dad into their relationship, and then
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: men will attract their mother. Not all the time, because
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: different dynamics. You will just attract the unhealed parts. So
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: you attract anger into your life. You attract dismissive and manipulation,
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: and you just keep it coming aware of it. What
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: do you run away from? You run into its way?
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: Do you push a beach ball underneath water? It's popping
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: up somewhere else. What you run away from, you're running
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: into the ironhill pass, the triggers, the projections, the parts
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: of you that were painful, which makes sense because we're humans, painful,
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: highly emotional minments that happen. We take a snap shot.
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: That's a perception. So now that's bad. So now if
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: I say, don't look for a yellow bus, what do
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: you think of it?
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: Everywhere?
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: So you're living your life. I don't like anger. I
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: don't like anger. I don't like anger. I don't like anger.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: You're looking about anger. I don't like manipulation. I don't
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: like manipulations. So I don't want it. So you're looking for it. Yeah,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: you're trying to run away from it, but in doing so,
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: running into it. And until you integrate it or heal it,
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: you'll keep doing it. Then you can start doing the process,
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: and start integrating, you get less triggered, you're more authentic,
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: you love yourself more. Those constraints that you're normally hit
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: will go away. An example of that. My loving brother.
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: He called me jan firstus hit having New Years? What's
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: your goals a year? What is twenty tweenty five? Flok
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: like for you? He's like, I want to start a business.
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: I want to heal myself more work myself like beautiful
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: anwers and he's like, oh, and I want to start
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: posting content. I obviously post a lot of content. So
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: I'm like, that's awesome. I said, when are you gonna
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: start posting? And it got treated? You know, what are
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: you protecting yourself from by not posting? Judgment? He got
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: bullied as a kid. Yeah, So again that's the threshold.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: That's the glass ceiling that people run into. If you
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: say you get in your own way. This is what
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: it means. So once you heal these things, you would
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: just be able to be more of who you are.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: So there's a lord of ownship.
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: Hay.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Is that interesting? With the partner things? I feel like
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: with my husband, he's the opposite of angry. Did I
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: unconsciously attract that because I'm avoiding anger.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: Once you heal, the trait doesn't go away, you just
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: stop looking for it. So I use erratic Actually, so
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: my first process I did it on my dad. Dad
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: was erratic. There's a story I shared my book. My
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: brother and him had this like really aggressive swearing fight
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: throughout the house. I think I was like ten years old.
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: I think so my brother would be about twelve years old.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: My brother runs down the hallway, locks himself in his room,
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: and my room's like right next to his room, and
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: I'm like anxious as and freaking out. Dad comeplay with
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: smashes on his door, and he actually breaks the door
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: down to get into my brother, and I'm disassociated, so
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: I can't actually remember what happened after that. So that
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: was a raddick. That was the trait anger ratic kind
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: of friends of each old. I do this process on it.
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: Heart opens, tears, gratitude, blah blah blah blah. And then
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: from that moment one I stopped feeling scared around my dad.
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: So I actually drove my dad to the airport two
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: days later from that process, and I would always feel
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: anxious around my dad. Resistance, the resistance you avoid in
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: life is what keeps you stuck. So wherever you have
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: emotional resistance, there's something for you to work on there. Georgia,
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: my wife, we did a process a lying that was
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: one from her dad. So because that was painful, she's
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: always looking for my lies. Everyone fucking lies. You lie,
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: you like everyone lies. Simply did the process and in
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: school because she didn't realize it, because she's like, oh,
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: she's had that belief unbroken. Nothing works with me topic.
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: So we do that process online and then three four
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: months later something another trigger of hers popped up, and
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: I'm like, let's sell process on it when we're ready.
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: Don't do processes in the moment, by the way, like
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: get through it when you're.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: Triggered in I don't read.
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: So I talk about maintenance tools and progress tools. Maintenance
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: is what you do in the moment to maintain yourself
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: in the moment. Breath work, grounding, soothing, reframing can help
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: with that. I've got like eight tools are used, and
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: then progress tools is integrating what came up so you
• 28:49
  Speaker 4: don't have to then regulate yourself every two seconds anyways.
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: So we regulate through it and she's like, but this
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: shit never worked for me. I'm like, babe, what's the
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: last process we did? And it was lying? I said,
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: have you noticed different? I just like I haven't been
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: triggered by line Since we did that, the trait won't
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: go away. You'll stop being resistant to You're stop judging
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: yourself for it, stop shaming yourself for it, and you'
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: stop getting triggered by it because you're not looking for it.
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: You're not like, where's the anger? Where's the anger? I
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: don't like anger. It's not there anymore.
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: Does that mean you'll also not be unconsciously trying to
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: squash it when it comes up, So you'll actually be
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: able to just like be that expression in the moment
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: and then not feel like, oh shit, I have to
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: hide this from the first end of.
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: It before you integrate. It's an unloved part of who
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: you are, so you try to suppress it, just spot on.
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: So once you then learn to integrate, oh my god,
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: it's a part of who I am. I do it
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: in all areas in my life. People have seen me
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: do it. There's all these benefits that come along with it.
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: So it's not a bad trait. It's just a part
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: of being a human. Have your kids been angry before? Perfect?
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: So it's part of being a human. That baby analogue
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: is so good. Every part of the baby is lovable.
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: But yet we don't love every part of ourselves interesting.
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: So yes, once you learn to love it, you're okay
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: being it. Again, there's preference. Do I prefer to be
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: honest and dishonest? Of course I do, But I'm okay
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: being dishonest. Is there a polite way and right time
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: to light with your kids? But whatever, And that's why
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: it's appropriate to it because it's not a bad trait.
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: But again, the only problem you had is you think
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: you have a problem because I'm not saying don't be loving,
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: because you said anger and you said the opolight like
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: loving or caring. So I'm not saying don't be this.
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: But if you're doing it because you're over compensating, that's
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: the problem because you have resistance to it. Reverve the resistance,
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: then free choice. Maybe it's like, fuck, I feel i've
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: been angry in the bedrooms. It's not going to be
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: angry in the bedroom sometimes. Fuck yeah. But if you
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: think it's bad, and this actually side note, because you
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: mentioned sex and relationships, the more healing you do, the
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: better your sex becomes. Because if you think of relationships
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: being the ultimate mirror, sex in the bedroom is like
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: amplifies that even more. You're literally giving everything about you
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: to be received or rejected, So any parts of you
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: that you think about, you're trying to hide that in
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: the bedroom.
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: I feel like when you do this work, you realized
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: in the scope, like how little you actually know. It's
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: like the more that you en oh my god, the
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: more that you open up, you're like, holy shit, I
• 30:46
  Speaker 5: know nothing.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Well, they're holding in on what you've learned and what
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: you're wanting to teach your audience, but you realize is so.
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: So much more. There's so much more to expand. It's
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: always like what you're saying, there's always something to learn
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: and grow and heal with.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: In one way, there's another thing.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so cool that it's exciting but also really
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: scary and uncomfortable.
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: I could build myself getting emotional.
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: And that's resistance is the sign there's something there.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: I'd love to know.
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: If there was one piece of advice based on everything
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: that you know, and you could only leave them with
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: one thing before you do or you die, what would
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: I eat?
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: I have two, but if I had to pick one,
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: it would follow too.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: We'll give you two.
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: Follow what inspires you. It will lead you to your
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: purpose and vision. So just follow that don't listen to
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: the projections have to got to you should mask what
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: actually inspires you authentically follow that breadcrumb trail. And the
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: second part is be aware of your projecting and triggers.
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: They're showing the parts of you haven't worked on, So
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: work on that to allow you to pursue the breadcrumbs
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: even further efficiently.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: So important, good, thank you so much.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: And you do one day courses, three day courses, book
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: and one on one coaching and where can they find
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: your booking?
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: Lewis accept across social Media's Instagram where I'm most active personally.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Believe all your details in the show up yellow, anyone
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: can access to you.
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: But thank you so much for coming. We're Impredius's been amazing.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: We'll see you on Men's Day.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: Wh