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Mojo Monday - Untangle Yourself from Your Inner Critic · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, It's Carl Taylor here and welcome to Mojo
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Monday on the Paul Taylor Podcast. So this week we
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: are diving into a topic that I have spoken about,
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  Speaker 1: I think a few times before, but it's a topic
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  Speaker 1: that you can't just listen to once. And I know
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: that this episode is going to resonate with most of you.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about the gremlin in your head.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: So this concept is not new. This inner voice has
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  Speaker 1: been the subject of Eastern religion, stoic philosophy, personal development
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  Speaker 1: and mastery experts, and now modern science. There's a lot
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  Speaker 1: of research behind it now. But for me personally, my
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  Speaker 1: gremlin often shows up as that voice that says you
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: don't belong or it will assume that that person won't
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  Speaker 1: want to talk to you. And it's the same voice
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  Speaker 1: that tells me I'm not good enough to do the
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  Speaker 1: things that I really want to do, the things that
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  Speaker 1: are important to me. And sometimes I can get so
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  Speaker 1: entangled up in this voice that it's exhausting. It's like
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  Speaker 1: trying to untangle a spider web. And the more we try,
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  Speaker 1: the more sticky and stuck that we get. And I
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  Speaker 1: have learned and I am still learning, and I will
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  Speaker 1: continue to learn that if I give that voice my attention,
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  Speaker 1: it's like handing at the reins to my life. I
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  Speaker 1: become trapped in my head. I feel small, and I
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  Speaker 1: can feel worthless. But what I have learned is that
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  Speaker 1: I can't let the gretlin dictate how I live. So
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  Speaker 1: today we'll explore how to recognize that voice, practice accepting
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  Speaker 1: it without giving it power, and turn to our inner sage,
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  Speaker 1: that wiser, calmer part of ourselves to guide us. So
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  Speaker 1: how do we recognize when the Gremlin's in control? So
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  Speaker 1: eckhark Toli, who I'm sure most of you will be
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  Speaker 1: familiar with, he wrote a book called The Power of Now.
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  Speaker 1: He describes this voice in that book as a tormentor
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  Speaker 1: that drains us of energy and keeps us locked in
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  Speaker 1: this repetitive, negative thought pattern. He calls it the thinker,
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  Speaker 1: and one of the first steps to liberation is to
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  Speaker 1: simply notice it. So let's break that down. There's the
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  Speaker 1: thought or the gremlin or the tormentor or whatever you
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  Speaker 1: want to call it, and then there's you, and you
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  Speaker 1: are the noticer of those thoughts. So stop now, just
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  Speaker 1: try this, stop now, and just notice your thoughts and
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  Speaker 1: maybe you're just noticing that you're thinking about thinking, and
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  Speaker 1: so you can just notice that and echo. Tolly writes,
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  Speaker 1: listen to the voice in your head. Do not judge
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  Speaker 1: or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean
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  Speaker 1: the same voice has come in again through the back door.
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  Speaker 1: And I just think this is so powerful because when
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  Speaker 1: we judge or fight that in a critic, when we
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  Speaker 1: fight our gremlin, we're actually feeding it more. Attention loves attention.
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  Speaker 1: It thrives on us trying to resist it. So the
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  Speaker 1: key is to watch the gremlin, notice the gremlin, acknowledge
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  Speaker 1: it without judging it, and then recognizing for what it is.
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  Speaker 1: It's just a voice. It is not the truth. So
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  Speaker 1: let me share with you kind of a personal story.
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  Speaker 1: So my gremlin shows up a lot, and I don't
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  Speaker 1: think I'm alone here. This can be in the form
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  Speaker 1: of doubting myself. It can show up in so situations
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  Speaker 1: might tell me that you know you don't belong here, Carli.
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  Speaker 1: Everyone else is smarter, more interesting, better looking, or a
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  Speaker 1: big one is they're judging you. And that voice used
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  Speaker 1: to be really powerful because I didn't have that skill
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  Speaker 1: of noticing it, of observing it as a separate part
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  Speaker 1: of my mind. I just went with it as the truth.
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  Speaker 1: It was just me, and it certainly didn't get me
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  Speaker 1: very far. And I actually told a friend about this,
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  Speaker 1: and he was so surprised because he had this perception
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  Speaker 1: of me that I had my shit together and that
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  Speaker 1: I was this calm and friendly, ambitious, all those words
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  Speaker 1: that we describe when we're talking about other people. So
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  Speaker 1: when I told him that I have this in a
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  Speaker 1: gremlin and you know what the gremlin sometimes says to me,
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  Speaker 1: he was actually quite shocked. So don't think you're alone
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  Speaker 1: on this one. Don't think that others who might look
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  Speaker 1: like they are living this amazing, carefree, confident life don't
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  Speaker 1: have this in a gremlin, because we all do. It
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  Speaker 1: is a natural part of being human. It's part of
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  Speaker 1: what makes us human. It's just that some people are
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  Speaker 1: able to live their lives because they don't allow this
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  Speaker 1: voice to stop them doing what's important. And I have
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  Speaker 1: learned from years of studying this, both formally and informally,
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  Speaker 1: that I can't give that voice my full attention, because
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  Speaker 1: if I do, I'll spend my life dictated by it. Instead,
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  Speaker 1: I've had to practice and practice and I keep practicing
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  Speaker 1: every day, turning my attention towards my sage, that wiser
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  Speaker 1: part of myself, and I ask, what would my calmer,
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  Speaker 1: more compassionate version of me say right now? My sage
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  Speaker 1: reminds me to focus on what is important to me,
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  Speaker 1: that I do the best job I can in that presentation,
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  Speaker 1: if I'm working towards something, or I'm as good a
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  Speaker 1: friend as I can be, or a good person to
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  Speaker 1: be around. So I focus outwards being curious about others,
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  Speaker 1: and then I act. I do whatever I do is
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  Speaker 1: aligned with what is important, rather than doing what is
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  Speaker 1: aligned with the self defeating, unhelpful gremlin. And as I said,
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  Speaker 1: this struggle is universal. If we don't practice accepting our gremlin,
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  Speaker 1: we get stuck fighting with it, and we become reactive
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  Speaker 1: instead of responsive to life. And totally suggests that we
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  Speaker 1: accept the present moment as if we had chosen it.
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  Speaker 1: And this doesn't mean that we agree with everything the
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  Speaker 1: gremlin says. It means we acknowledge its presence, but without
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  Speaker 1: resisting it. And of course disc comfort is part of
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  Speaker 1: this process, and I think this is the part that
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  Speaker 1: people struggle with the most. Accepting that voice doesn't make
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  Speaker 1: it disappear, but it does take away its power. And
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  Speaker 1: in that space of acceptance, we can choose to turn
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  Speaker 1: to our sage, that part of us that is grounded
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  Speaker 1: and wise and aligned with what is important to us.
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  Speaker 1: And then we do what we need to do. We
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  Speaker 1: get up, we get dressed, we look after our body,
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  Speaker 1: we eat nutritious food, we calm ourselves through breath work,
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  Speaker 1: we strive to be good citizens, and we show gratitude
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  Speaker 1: to this amazing world in which we all live in.
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  Speaker 1: So here's a challenge for this week. Notice your gremlin.
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  Speaker 1: The next time you have a negative, self defeating thought,
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  Speaker 1: just pause, notice it and name it and say to yourself, ah,
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  Speaker 1: my gremlin again. And this creates that space between you
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  Speaker 1: and the voice. And then comes the hardest part, and
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  Speaker 1: that is accepting it. It's really hard to do this
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  Speaker 1: because when we have these voices in our head, what
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  Speaker 1: we want to do is get rid of it or
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  Speaker 1: fix ourselves. So the skill here is not to fight
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  Speaker 1: that voice, to allow it to be there without judgment,
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  Speaker 1: and to not allow it to dictate what we do.
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  Speaker 1: So acknowledge it with curiosity. You know, you can notice
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  Speaker 1: it and go, ah, that's interesting, my gremlin thinks I'm
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  Speaker 1: an idiot, and they just allow that thought to be
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  Speaker 1: there from a distance, And then you turn your attention
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  Speaker 1: to your sage. What would that calm wise version of
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  Speaker 1: me do? Right now, we all have a calm wise
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  Speaker 1: version of us, and shift your focus from the gremlins
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  Speaker 1: chatter to the present moment and then do what needs
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  Speaker 1: to be done. So this practice isn't about silencing the gremlin.
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  Speaker 1: It's about choosing where your attention goes. And as totally says,
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  Speaker 1: all negativity is caused by denial of the present. So
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  Speaker 1: by bringing yourself back to the now, you're weakening the
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  Speaker 1: gremlin's grip and strengthen your connection to the Sage. I
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  Speaker 1: know that if you put in the work, if you
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  Speaker 1: practice this like you would practice a piano, or train
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  Speaker 1: in sport, or study for an exam, or develop any skill,
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  Speaker 1: what you do is you develop this skill of living intentionally,
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  Speaker 1: and you never stop. We're never exonerated from this work.
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  Speaker 1: So every day I keep practicing, and I know from
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  Speaker 1: my personal experience and from my clients that practice this themselves,
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  Speaker 1: that it can change the way you live. So this
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  Speaker 1: week I invite you to practice. Listen to your Gramlin
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  Speaker 1: with compassion and curiosity. Notice how often it shows up,
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  Speaker 1: and remind yourself that you don't have to let it
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  Speaker 1: dictate your actions. Instead, turn your attention to your stage
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  Speaker 1: and take small, intentional steps forward, And remember you are
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  Speaker 1: not your thoughts, and you are so much more than
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  Speaker 1: what that voice tells you. It's not about relying on
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  Speaker 1: others to tell you how amazing you are. Discover it
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  Speaker 1: yourself by getting out of your head and then doing
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  Speaker 1: what's important to you. So thank you for joining me
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  Speaker 1: today on Mojo Monday, and I will catch you next week.