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If You Think Foreplay Starts in the Bedroom… You’re Already Too Late · My Sexy Menopause Body

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to my sexy menopause body, not just a podcast, but a movement.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Menopause isn't something to learn.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's something to own with strength, confidence, and yes, sexiness.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because menopause doesn't mean fading into the background, it means stepping fully into who we are.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: And now here's your host, Kim Nicholson.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get started.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, beautiful women.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this episode of My Sexy Menopause Body, the podcast that reclaims midlife sensuality, strength, and unapologetic self-love.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Kim Nicholson, nutritionist, movement educator, and of course, menopause specialist.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm here today to remind you that sexy didn't expire for you at 49, 59, 69, 79, or 99.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sexiness evolves and it deepens.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, it smolders.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So got a great episode for you today.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So here's something I've never said um out loud before.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I started writing a book called 24 Hours of Foreplay.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Started a couple years ago.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I interviewed over a hundred women for this book.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: It was bold, it was intimate, and it was raw and honest.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: But then guess what?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Then it hit me that this isn't just a book.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: This actually should be a conversation women have been waiting for.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't belong on a bookshelf.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: It belongs here, inside this podcast, where you know what?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: We break girl code and say the things we were never taught to say, right?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: So today I'm opening the pages and turning this book into a series called 24 Hours of Foreplay.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it isn't about lingerie and bedroom acrobatics, it's about presence, pacing, and how midlife women build the heat emotionally, mentally, physically, and long before the lights go out.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: So today's episode kicks it off.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And today's episode, I'm starting with my first chapter, Sexy Starts at Sunrise.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because of desire.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Desire is not spontaneous, it's rhythmic, right?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And flirtiness, well, guess what?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's not optional.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's a strategy, one that begins the moment you wake up.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: So let's start from there.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let's make foreplay a full-body, full day experience.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And let's remind the world, menopause made me hot and not just flushed.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So let's be honest.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Here we let's think about your typical day when you're waking up.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: We usually wake up with a lot of stress, right?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Rushing around, ignoring our bodies, and barely talking to your significant other.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And by evening, guess what?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're just not in the mood.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're still in survival mode.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're taught that sex is supposed to be spontaneous.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how midlife desire works.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's built on anticipation, co-regulation, and emotional safety all day long.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself, did I laugh this morning?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Did you?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Did I touch my partner in a way that wasn't just, you know, logistical or you know, planned?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Did I touch myself, my hair, my face with any intention?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Foreplay isn't what you do to prepare for sex.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Foreplay isn't what you do to prepare for sex, it's everything that keeps your body feeling seen, desired, and grounded throughout your entire day.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, flirtiness is foreplay, and guess what?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: It belongs at breakfast.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the truth.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Mornings do set the tone, right, women?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you greet your partner with lists and complaints or busyness, guess what?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: That emotional arc of the day will be what?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Probably flat, probably starting off on the wrong foot.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: But what if you started off your day like this?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: What if you give eye contact when you say in the morning, when you say good mor good morning?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what if you have that that little that look that just lingered for a while?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or how about offer one playful or teasing comment?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Even just, you know, you look too good to leave the house like that.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or place your hand on their back, shoulder, or neck, and just let it linger a little longer.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're not seducing them yet.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're seducing ease, closeness, and connection.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So do you remember the way you used to flirt when you were dating?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's think back on that one.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: What if you gave only just like 10% of that energy back just for fun?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: So think about this.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: How did you flirt?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we all flirt a little differently, but think about it right now.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: How what's your flirting style?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: So let's ditch that myth first of all.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Flirtiness fades with age because it doesn't.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're not too old, you're not too aware, you know, you bring depth into your play.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And what I want you to do is let it ripple all day long.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to hit pause here and talk to the women who's thinking, and I know I can hear you right now.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're thinking, well, I'm too old, my partner doesn't look at me that way anymore.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe my body doesn't feel sexy, or I'm too tired, or I'm too bloated, or I'm too wrinkled.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know what?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Tap the brakes right there.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Those thoughts aren't facts.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: They are scripts you've absorbed.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're gonna rewrite those.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna, I would like you to start thinking about reprogramming yourself right now.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I would like you to say to yourself instead when those negative thoughts come, I want you to say something like, you know what?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I am allowed to feel sexy exactly as I am and exactly where I am.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: My body is wise, it's expressive, and of course, my body is worthy of pleasure.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Desire starts with how I treat myself and what you say about yourself.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not how others respond to me.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: So here's how to reinforce that.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to that tomorrow to wear something soft that makes you feel alive or something that's really sexy.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not for anyone else, just for you.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to moisturize your skin slowly, touch your neck, your legs, your belly, like you're worth savoring.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Speak to yourself kindly when you look in the mirror, and then practice non-performative movements like you know what, dance, put on some of your favorite music, swing your hips, stretch, or flow, not to burn calories, but to feel embodied, to feel your body.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: So get out those journals, you know.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I always like these reflective questions, but I want you to answer yourself what your definition of sexy is, and would you say it out loud?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: So my definition of sexy could be confidence, it could be attitude.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what is yours?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't say it out loud, why not?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: How about if you rewrite it?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's start from here.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sexy is blank, fill in that blank, and I feel most sexy when blank.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that one for a while.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's zoom out for a little bit because desire isn't just internal, right?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, it's relational, right?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself what triggers a sense of sensuality in you?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: What are those triggers?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: What do you find sexy about your partner?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, think about what you find sexy about your partner right now, today, not 20 years ago, but today.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hold that thought.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Could it be their voice, their scent, the way they move around you?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: What triggers that sense of sensuality in you and what do you find sexy about your partner?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we do lose interest when we stop noticing.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to notice your partner.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to look at your partner through a different lens or through the older lens.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, I want you to make space to notice the way your partner cooks, or the way they make you laugh when they're relaxed, or the way they walk into a room.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Tell them.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Whisper it.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Text it.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Write it on the fridge.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my husband has this wonderful thing he does for me.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I'm I keep journals all over the place.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: I love journals.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And he will go into a journal and just write a love message to me.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I love that.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: So whatever it is, I want you to tell them that.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then for yourself, I want you to ask yourself, what parts of your body feel most alive today?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: What scents or fabrics or rituals make you feel more present?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: So make a list of five things that make you feel sexy, and none of them can be visual.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like an ex- here's some examples, like when I slow down while I'm putting lotion on my body, or when I stretch after sleeping well.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel sexy then?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: You could think about that tomorrow when you wake up.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: When I feel understood, how about when I wear that particular fragrance before bed?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Or how about when I say no with confidence?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is where foreplay begins.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's where foreplay begins for you.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your takeaway from today's first episode is saxy doesn't start with silk panties or candles.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: It starts with breath, boundaries, and belonging to yourself first.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Saxy does begin at sunrise in your thoughts, your tone, and your energy.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, flirtiness isn't immaturity, it's actually intimacy in disguise, isn't it?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest turn on feeling chosen by you.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're not behind, you're becoming, you're not stuck, you're shifting, and you're not to anything.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're right on time and right where you should be.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: So tomorrow morning, I want you to pause, smile, flirt, stretch.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is how midlife women build heat.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode stirred something inside you, don't keep it quiet.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Tell your best friend over coffee, tell your partner in bed, tell your book club, tell your sister, tell your trainer, tell your stylist, tell anybody.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Start talking about it again, like we talked about it years ago.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because sexy after 50, it isn't taboo, it's the best kept secret no one's talking about.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And let's change that.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: You've got the spark.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's time to pass on the flame.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to tell you a little bit about the next episode.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: So coming up in my next series of 24 hours of foreplay, we're gonna be talking about breaking the girl code, what women really want before sex.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna be brutally honest about emotional labor, feeling rushed, and how to communicate arousal cues after or before you're being touched.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you were able to take something away from it.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, most of all, sexy never expires.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being with me today, and I'll see you next time.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: This is your time to own your power.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: Rewrite the rules and show up unapologetically.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because sexy doesn't expire.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: You define it.