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Moving Beyond the Quid-Pro-Quo Marriage and Earning Love · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 16, 2026 Moving Beyond the Quid Pro Quo Marriage and Earning Love,
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  As I've suggested that perfectionism is not a good thing, some of you may have
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  thought, wait, didn't Jesus tell us to be perfect? Yes, but no.
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  You therefore must be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect.
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  That's Matthew 5, 48 in the ESV.
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  The word perfect comes from the Greek word teleos. It means complete, mature, or fully grown.
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  But we don't have to dig into the Greek to know that we can't be perfect.
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  In Mark 10, 18, Jesus said, No one is good except God alone.
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  If we can't be called good, we certainly aren't called to be perfect.
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  Most modern versions of the Bible render Matthew 5, 48 better.
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  Unfortunately, some of us were hit with a lot of inaccurate theology that taught
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  us we're supposed to reach a level of perfection God never called us to.
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  Some who know they are saved by faith in Jesus still feel they have to earn
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  God's love or do enough good to deserve heaven.
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  Even some who know this is false still react to it internally.
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  The gospel of perfectionism remains strong among some Christians.
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  The corollary to this is that we must be perfect, or very close to it,
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  to deserve love from our spouse.
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  Do you feel that way? Does that drive you? Does it make you frustrated?
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  Does it make you feel you can never be good enough for your spouse?
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  Has it caused you to give up?
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  What your spouse feels here is not the issue. If you believe you must earn their
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  love, that is about you, and what they think can't change that.
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  And if you don't think you have to earn their love, then what they think doesn't
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  have any power over you On the other side of it, do you expect your spouse to earn your love?
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  Do you hold back when you don't think they're doing enough?
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  Might this be happening subconsciously?
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  Yes, we should push ourselves to be better and to treat our spouse better But
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  a quid pro quo marriage is an abomination God never envisioned,
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  Love does not keep score, and it's happy to take the short end of the stick
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  on occasion This has to run both ways over time, but there will be seasons where it's mostly one way,
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  This is Paul, and I'm glad neither God nor my bride limits me to what I deserve.