Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 691: You're Breaking Your Own Heart When You Break No Contact

Transcript

Episode 691: You're Breaking Your Own Heart When You Break No Contact · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Your ex broke your heart when they broke up with you.
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  However, if you break no contact, you will be breaking
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  your own heart a second time. And someone did exactly that.
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  What happened? Stay tuned and you'll find out.
• 0:19
  Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your X back or to get over your X.
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  And welcome back my beautiful no Contact army.
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  Have you been using my app Silencio to help you stay in no
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  contact? If not, the link to download it
• 0:37
  is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:40
  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, you
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  can read our manual at nocontactsecrets.com where you
• 0:49
  can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 0:54
  And before I start, I'm going to mention something that's been on
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  my mind for a while. 65% of people who listen to me are not
• 1:03
  subscribed. So if I could ask you a favor,
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  and that is if my videos have ever helped you in any way and
• 1:12
  you want to give something back in return, just hit the
• 1:15
  subscribe button and I promise I will continue to work hard to
• 1:19
  put out interesting and helpful videos so that you have a better
• 1:23
  chance of getting your ex back. Thank you.
• 1:27
  OK, so I have a comment here from someone who broke no
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  contact lift or regret it. I'm going to read it and then
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  break it down. All right, so he says I broke no
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  contact after almost four months.
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  I thought I would at least check the temperature and check in.
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  Why do you need to check in? You're not in a relationship.
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  People check in. In relationships, you're broken
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  up. You don't need to check in.
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  And in terms of checking the temperature, let me interpret
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  that for you. What that means is I couldn't
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  handle no contact. I was anxious.
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  I needed a dopamine hit. I needed to know if I had a
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  chance. I needed to know what she was
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  thinking. I needed to know what she was
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  feeling. So I broke no contact.
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  That's what check the temperature means.
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  OK? You don't need to check the
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  temperature of someone who kicked you out of their life.
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  On the very first call, she was very happy to hear from me and
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  she thought I would never call. Ha ha.
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  Exactly. It's been four months and as
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  I've talked about in other videos, your exes are going to
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  be thinking about you and they're going to wonder because
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  they expect to hear from you. And then when they don't,
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  they'll be like, wow, I guess. I guess they're not going to
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  chase me even though I dumped them and they're not supposed
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  to. I guess I'm not going to hear
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  from them. See, she was wondering about him
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  and in terms of he said that she was happy to hear from him.
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  Of course she was happy. Any X is happy to hear from
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  someone they dumped. Why?
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  Because they know they're about to get a huge dopamine hit from
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  that X. They know the X is going to
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  boost their ego. They might be come crawl.
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  They might be crawling back or they're going to say they miss
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  them. They've been thinking about
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  them. They're only too happy to talk
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  to you. 99% of you if you contact your ex and at least a
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  couple of months have gone by. Two, 3-4 months.
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  Oh yeah, they will definitely talk to you.
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  Doesn't mean they'll get back with you, but they will
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  definitely talk to you. You get their nice little eagle
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  boost. Satisfies their curiosity as to
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  what's been going on. Are you dating anyone?
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  How are you doing? Do you miss them?
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  And then what's going to happen? Well, you'll see what's going to
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  happen. And he says that she also wished
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  him a happy birthday. But the very next day, here it
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  comes. When we spoke for the second
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  time, she was very certain she does not want me back.
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  And I'm selfish and narcissistic and she's made-up her mind not
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  to come back and she doesn't trust me.
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  I was broken all over again and broke down and she told me to
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  never call or text her as there's no reason to stay in
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  touch. I broke down completely when she
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  said that. I don't know what to do now.
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  Well now you screwed yourself. There's nothing to do, which is
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  what you should have done in the 1st place because now at least
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  you had four months of no contact under your belt.
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  You just shown her you're very interested.
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  When you reach out to your ex, when you've been dumped and you
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  have not cheated and you have not taken your ex for granted.
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  You know what your phone call or your text is saying?
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  It's saying that you're a pussy. It's saying you're a doormat,
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  you're a beta, you're a loser. You can't find anyone else.
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  They're your best option. You don't have any other
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  options. You're weak.
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  You can't handle the breakup. They won, you lost.
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  You're not going anywhere. They can treat you and they wait
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  any way they want to. They can get back with you
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  anytime they want to. You're low value and you just
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  thought you were calling to check the temperature.
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  You were just checking in and checking.
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  Checking the temperature. No, no, no.
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  You sent a huge message and it's not a message you want to be
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  sending if you want to get your ex back.
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  And so I asked him why did she wish you a happy birthday?
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  And he said because we had our birthdays on the same day and I
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  was in no contact at that time. She unblocked me after two
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  months but didn't reach out. There you go.
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  There's the key to the whole thing.
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  There's the trigger whenever you break no contact.
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  Whenever you're tempted to break no contact, it's because you've
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  been triggered, all right? It's not like you're just
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  walking around one day and it's like, oh, I think I want to
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  break no contact. No, no, something happens.
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  And birthdays are a huge trigger.
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  And this guy, he had a double whammy because they happen to
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  have their birthday on the same day.
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  Obviously that's not usually the case, but I've seen time and
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  time again. In fact, I talked about it in a
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  video and I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner.
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  I don't remember the title now. Two of my clients, they got
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  triggered. One it was his birthday, the
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  other client it was her ex's birthday.
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  They both wanted to reach out. One of them I have to talk down
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  off the ledge and the other one, luckily he talked himself down
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  off the ledge. I think he heard my voice in his
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  head telling him he better not. People get triggered because of
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  birthdays. And so if it's your birthday and
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  you don't hear from them, it's like, oh, I really want to talk
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  to my ex. You think about past birthdays
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  you had with them and now you see that you're going to be
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  without them for this birthday. So you figure, oh, what's the
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  harm? Let me just reach out.
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  Or if it's their birthday, you think, well, this is my way in.
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  I can use the birthday excuse of like, hey, just wish you a happy
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  birthday. And then you think that you'll
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  have a little chat and then they'll want to get together or
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  you'll suggest getting together and then you'll get back
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  together. I have never seen anyone get
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  back together as a result of wishing their ex a happy
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  birthday. OK, so be aware of that birthday
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  trigger because it's going to screw you like it did this guy,
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  Like now this guy is screwed. He had four months of no
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  contact, which is great, especially if you have an
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  anxious attachment. Style for months of no contact
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  is amazing. However, when you break it, the
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  message you're sending is sure. You were big and bad and tough
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  with the no contact and you stayed away.
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  But you finally broke. And you know what?
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  Your ex is here for it. They love it.
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  They love to have you break no contact.
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  I have another comment from someone who had another birthday
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  trigger in case this other example wasn't enough to stop
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  you guys from breaking. No contact, she says.
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  I feel like I embarrass myself. Today is his birthday and we've
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  only been separated for about two weeks.
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  I decided to send him an edible arrangement because, well, what
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  if there was a chance for reconciliation?
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  I don't want to have that one year.
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  I didn't get him anything. He wouldn't accept the delivery.
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  They called to let me know that. Well, that's what you get.
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  Sorry, no sympathy. It's only been two weeks.
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  And So what? That you didn't get him anything
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  for this year? Like, are you OCD where you have
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  to get him something every year? Otherwise what?
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  Something's going to happen. Like your mind is going to play
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  tricks on you and no contact and you'll find any excuse.
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  Oh, well, I don't want to miss his birthday this year.
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  I've gotten him something every year.
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  So just in case we get back together, I need to send him
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  something. Well look what happened.
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  He didn't even accept it. You made a fool of yourself.
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  You broke no contact for no reason.
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  OK, so I hope I've convinced you not only to stay in no contact
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  unless you cheated or took your ex for granted, but especially
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  if it's their birthday or your birthday.
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  As you can see, it's not going to get you the result you want.
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  Stop breaking your heart by breaking no contact.
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  The price you pay is not worth the payoff of getting that brief
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  dopamine hit. If there's a chance to get your
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  X back and you know about no contact and you willingly break
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  it, you have only yourself to blame if you do not get your X
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  back. And in fact, I have a whole
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  video on that and I'll put the link in the upper right hand
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  corner. So you don't want to put
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  yourself in this position. You will live to regret it.
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  And that's going to be a hard truth that you were going to
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  have to live with for the rest of your life, that maybe you
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  could have gotten your ex back, but you screwed it up.
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  So stop breaking your own heart. So now I want to hear from you.
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  How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
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  And in the meantime, if you would like my help to get your
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  ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
• 10:57
  will send you the rates. We respond to all emails.
• 11:00
  If you don't hear from me or from my assistant within 24
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  hours, then contact us again from another e-mail address or
• 11:10
  hit me up on my socials and the link to that is underneath the
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  videos. And I am available seven days a
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  week, 16 hours a day. So it doesn't matter where you
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  are in the world, we will find the time to talk.
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  And if you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe
• 11:29
  and share. If you're listening to this as a
• 11:31
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember, love
• 11:35
  inspires and powers, uplifts and enlightens.