Latest / Two Tools, No Clue / E16 The Old Farmer's Almanac
Transcript
- Jeidan and Anna: Hey everyone. Welcome to the Two Tools No Clue Podcast. I'm Anna. And I'm Jeidan And today we have no clue about the old farmer's almanac. oh my. And I forgot to prepare questions. It just says question. Question. How old is it? How old is it? That's a good question. And who the hell was the farmer that started it? Ooh. I don't know if Anna's gonna talk about any of these things. I'm sorry, Anna. Sh is this what we should be doing? Should we like announce our thing and then the other person says like actual questions about it instead of us just making them up? Yeah. Okay, here we are. Changing our format. Should we at least know the subject that we're coming into so they can be witty? Yeah. Probably. Okay. Unless it's like we have a discussion hour today on the porch. Yeah, we'll get back to this. Okay. but first, what's going on around the homestead? Well, it's finally getting chilly. Yay. I'm so excited. I can wear my beanie and not be sweaty. Yes. I love beanie season. I try to wear my beanie during the summertime. Always regretful. But still do it. I still do it. Jey got new glasses. I got glasses. They look great. Thanks. You can barely see them on the on the video. They're very round and I love them. He looks like Harry Potter. You're a real wizard, Harry. You're a wizard. You're a wizard, Harry. You're a real boy. You're a real boy. god. we harvested our tomatoes. Like round three. Took them forever this year. We have this big ass wolf spider who is guarding our tomatoes and I couldn't find him the entire time I was harvesting the tomatoes. I was terrified. Weird. There's gonna be a video going up on TikTok about it. So go check that out. I have a question. Yeah. Is this episode airing on Thursday? Yes. Can I say something random? Yeah. And like kind of spooky in a mother nature way. So today, like we're a little late in the game. The weeks have caught up to us because I'm a procrastinator. But today is the twenty second of September. And the Atlantic Basin has still not had a hurricane. And that hasn't happened in like it was either a hundred and twelve years or a hundred and fourteen years. Wow. Meanwhile Is that good or bad? Eerie. Florida's shaking in their boots, that's for sure. Like, that's weird. It's just like sucking in all the power to produce one mega storm They're like, they don't know where the Gulf is anymore. We changed the name. Like, just weird stuff like that. Meanwhile, the West Coast is being like plummeted. Hawaii got hit I think either four or five in a row. There's a Kelvin wave on the way to California. I don't know what the f*ck a Kelvin wave is, but that sounds like a either like a typhoon or a tsunami type wave to me. So yeah, I thought that was interesting and I had to tell you that. Okay. Thanks for the doomsday. Sorry. I wasn't even done talking about my tomatoes. Farmer's Almanac just reminded me of that 'cause like, is that in it this year about hurricanes? I need to look now. I don't know how to read that thing, but I gotta look at it. 'Cause I think that's kind of I think that's really interesting. Yeah, that's scary. Okay. Well in other Back to the tomatoes. I'm not even gonna say what I was gonna say about the tomatoes. I'm just like sad now. I just thought it was really interesting. And Florida's probably like, What is going on? Like they're probably grateful for it, but they're probably like, When are they coming? But I mean the seasons are kind of shifting. So maybe it's just gonna come later in the season. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Yeah. Isn't it still I feel like it's still hurricane season during Christmas, but I might be wrong. I have no idea. Last but not least, since Jey threw me off course, I'm just gonna skip right to the to the end, get this over with. I got this new shirt literally this morning when we went to get coffee. So cool. For our local coffee shop. I saw it and I was like, I'm I need that. Yeah, it was a good one. Good deal too. So what do you know about the old farmer's almanac? I really don't know its origins. Like genuinely who is this farmer? Who is this farmer? Like and who is writing it now? Like who's in charge of writing I don't know. I have more questions. I don't know how to make knowledge, sorry. Good. I like it when it's that way. 'Cause then I can teach you. Like I can't even read upside down, so whatever. yeah. I have the book right here for those on video. And that's why I think it's so funny. Yeah, we use it, which is a huge reason why I wanted to do this episode today. So this is what it looks like. My grandma got me this mega copy by accident. And listen, I love the mega copy. I want the mega copy every year now. Honestly, for the podcast, it's really handy because I can just have it and like be able to read quickly. Can can I just a side comment? It's not new doomsday related, it's farmer's almanac related. Okay. I don't know if you're allowed I know we use this every week. And like I also know that some of the things that Anna said some of the things majority of the things that Anna says that you should do that day do not relate to modern time. Modern people. Like we're not out there like Castrating. Castrating and go to that one. Like some, but like I mean perming your hair. May yeah, maybe. But getting married. Yeah, like those things, but like all the weird harvesting above ground crops. Yeah. I don't I don't know. I just think it's funny because we just say really random things at the end of the episode, but there is actually a lot of information outside of what Anna is like it's not just a book of like this is what you should do today's like There's a lot of other things in there. Yeah. That's what I think. Which I'll get to at the very end. Sorry. I just wanted to say that. 'Cause the things we say at the end about it it's really funny. Yeah. I I enjoy it. Yeah. Okay, let's get into some history. I'm excited. So the word almanac is derived from the Arabic word for climate, which is something along the lines of munak, but with like the throat sound I can't do. Munak. Yeah. The Merriam-Webster definition of an almanac is quote A publication containing astronomical and meteorological data for a given year and often included a miscellany of other information end quote. Okay, so this word was just made up for this book. Ki yeah, kind of, except for the origin word. Interesting. The earliest known printed almanacs started in Europe around 1457 with the invention of the printing press. Holy moly. The what was in those ones? Like the same kind of stuff? I feel like yeah. It was just kind of informational. Get a perm. No, not like that. No. Cut your nails. No. I think like I think it was similar to what early almanacs for for us were, which was the first almanac in America was created by William Pierce in 1639 and was titled An Almanac Calculated for New England. New England Aye aye. This was followed by Benjamin Franklin's own highly influential almanac in 1732, poor Richard's almanac. So Almanacs weren't made by farmers, they were made by astronomers. Yeah. 'Cause it's weather predictions. Astronomers, whatever they're called. Meteorological people. Those people. Franklin's almanac was the first to circulate extensively through the colonies was with up to ten thousand copies sold annually. Wow. Early almanacs were for local matters, like court dates, postage rates, distance between towns. So cool. Just like little things. my god. Like That is so cool. The social media of the day. It's how people knew what was going on. I know I keep looking at this guy, the book is right there and now I'm just like, Wow. You knew about that. When the old farmer's almanac was first published in 1793, people lived in an agrarian society, which we heard a lot about in Zach Galifanakis's Netflix special. This is a gardening show, which we did commentary episodes on. So go listen to them if you haven't yet. God, such a good small, I don't know, documentary. It's a fun watch. Yeah, it's great. Docuseries. An agrarian society, for those who don't know, is a society where people grow their own food and there aren't all these supermarkets like to fall back on and keep us going. One day we're gonna get there. Hopefully, get back there. 'Cause that's where we came from. I just mean you and I. yeah. I hate going to the grocery store. Yeah. People needed things like weather predictions, farm management advice, and tips on how and when to plant and harvest their crops. Astronomy was a big interest to a lot of people back then as well. Things like when the sun would rise and set. moon phases and the timing of high tide were important for them to know. The motto that the old farmanac the old farmanac I see, I don't know how you've said that so many times because I would have already said that. The old farman. Farmanac. The motto that the old farmer's almanac has lived and thrived by since the very beginning is To be useful with a pleasant degree of humor. I am here for it. So that's a little history. Let's get into the actual almanac. Yeah. The first thing I need to make clear is that there are technically two farmers' almanacs. The one we use with the yellow cover is the original, founded by Robert B. Thomas. Robert B. Thomas. It was published on October thirteenth. Seventeen ninety three and was later renamed the old farmer's almanac officially in 1848 Very cool. I say officially because there was a weird moment where Robert B. Thomas added old to the title in 1832 but then changed it back to just the farmer's almanac in 1836 He's like, I'm not old. Yeah. Well, allegedly he changed his mind because he didn't want his almanac to be looked at as old or irrelevant. Yeah, yeah. That's what I automatically think. I just yeah, and I just want to make Benjamin Franklin is on this cover too. That's so interesting. I'll get into that. Sorry. My bad. So I just want to make super clear that the old farmer's almanac is the one we're gonna be talking about today. Okay. The old farmer's almanac. Okay. David Young and Jacob Mann founded the second almanac. It's called the Farmer's Almanac. How the hell did they get away with that? I don't know, but that's probably why the other one was officially changed to the old Farmer's Almanac, just to differentiate and be like, We're the original. That's so interesting. Copyright didn't exist. the Farmer's Almanac was published in January of 1818 So twenty five years after the original. And they're like, Yeah, we're just gonna name it the exact same thing. I still can't get over how like that's like one of the first things that came out of America, basically. Yeah, pretty much. And it's still going. Like that's really cool. Yeah. Going forward, I'm gonna call them the old almanac and the new almanac. Okay. So here's some differences between the two. Okay. And just an FYI, the majority of this information is coming from morningagclips.com. So their difference in forecasting methods. The old almanac uses astronomical observations, mathematical calculations, and weather patterns to make its forecast and predictions. The new almanac uses quote long range weather forecasts, seasonal advice, and homespun wisdom, bridging the space between farming guide, household manual, and folklore collection. Difference in editing methods, The old almanac is more traditional and old timey with classic illustrations, lighthearted humor, and folksy wisdom. they focus heavily on astrological charts, moon phases, tide tables, and planting calendars, as well as weather predictions. my god, I predict. Yeah. Sorry, you know. The new almanac takes a more modern approach. I've never read it, but apparently it has the tone of a manual or handbook for household living with natural remedies, food preservation, gardening tips, etc. I want to read that one too. Yeah, it sounds pretty good. I already know this is gonna freak Jeidan out because we had a conversation about this. Literally like a week before I did these notes. And I was like, this is gonna be good. No. Both almanacs focus heavily on long-range weather predictions. The new almanac uses a formula created by founder David Young that reportedly relies on quote the moon, sunspot activity, tidal influences, and Planetary positions. Only the publication's mysterious editor, known as Caleb Weatherbee, is said to know the full formula. What the f*ck? End quote. Why would you say his name? He's people are gonna come for him now. I bet the government already has him. Well, he's known as Caleb Weatherbee. That's probably not his real name. But do you remember us talking about this? And you're like, how do they make these weather predictions? How do they do it? And I'm like Apparently it's a full blown secret. So the old farmer's almanac, the one we use, you just keep going. Uses a secret formula created by founder Robert B. Thomas. Quote, while the full method is closely guarded, the publication has shared that it relies on a combination of solar science, climatology, and long-standing weather patterns. It also utilizes state-of-the-art satellite data, all the technology and equipment. End quote. Both almanacs are correct on their weather predictions fifty to eighty percent of the time. The last comparison that I'll make is that the old farmer's almanac is the oldest continuously published periodical in North America. That's what I'm saying. That's crazy. Crazy! 1792 Meanwhile, after its 2026 edition, the new almanac will no longer be published. It literally died this year. This is its last one. my god. Apparently due to quote, financial challenges in the modern media landscape. Nope. Caleb, are you okay? Caleb, are you okay? Caleb, does he have you? my god, they finally they the FBI finally got Caleb so they had to shut it down. That's what's really going on here. If we go missing, he's it that is what happened. Caleb. Send help. Okay, sorry. Okay, so now that we have those differences out of the way, let's get into the old farmer's almanac. Let's dive in. Yeah, I'm excited. So Robert B. Thomas was born on April twenty fourth, 1766 in Grafton, Massachusetts. Is your boy an Aries? He's a Taurus. Boo No, I'm just kidding. Tauruses are fun. They're just very open, Yeah. Tauruses are very stubborn. Brutally honest. Yeah. Very stubborn. Brutally honest people. They do not care about your feelings. They will just tell you how it is. Yeah. Anyway. Grafton, Massachusetts, though. That is. Pretty freaking close. although his father was a farmer, he owned a larger than average library, which is where Robert found one of his favorite books, Astronomy by Did I say Astronoby? Astronomy by James Ferguson. Liberty Bibity. Well it was kind of like like when you're sick and you're saying you're saying D's instead of whatever the f*ck. Yeah. Anyway, from the ages of 20 to 26, Robert taught at nine different schools. What were you doing from 20 to 26? I literally nothing that great. Like I didn't transition until like I was like what 22, 23? So for half of that I was That's pretty great. I was like a piece of shit. And then the other half was like, I'm a normal person now. Just kidding. LOL. He just casually taught himself book binding by amending the books in his father's library. And when he got good at it, he began to buy unbound textbooks to bind and sell to people like students, teachers, and doctors. cool. So the man's an entrepreneur. Yeah, I get it. At 26, he went to Boston to study under almanac author Osgood Carlton and research weather patterns, astronomical cycles, as well as solar activity. Very cool. With Osgood Carlton, this is where he developed the secret formula for the old farmers' almanac that they still use today. The formula, fun fact, is kept in a black box at the Almanac's current offices. Do you want to guess where those offices are? I'll give you a hint it's in New Hampshire. in New Hampshire. I feel like it's in like Concord Dublin, New Hampshire. I was gonna say Dublin. Dublin was the first thing that came to my mind and then I was like, that's stupid. It's not gonna be Dublin. Frickin' Dublin, New Hampshire. What? I don't know if we should trust Dublin, New Hampshire with that task. Well, they got that deep ass lake too. The black box is probably at the bottom of the lake. It's like that's where the headquarters are. A frickin' asteroid hit that sh*t. Like did you know that? Yes, I did. Sorry, yeah, I forgot. You're you're you're a local. I'm a local. I'm a local. You just moved here. I just moved here. I used to drive there every day as a baby. Well, I had to drive through Dublin every day to get to the works. So That's true. That's pretty much the same thing. I guess when you were going to the C D C you were coming from Marlow, so you weren't going that way. Yeah. Anyway. In regards to his almanac, Robert B. Thomas said, quote, I have thought it proper to entitle it the farmer's almanac, as I have made it my principal aim to make it useful to that class of people. In the late 1700s, the printer was in charge of not only the printing, but the editing, selling, and distribution as well, which I think is crazy. That is insane. Like that person didn't sleep. No. Seriously. Robert was the first to separate those jobs and spread them between the printer and the publisher. Good for you. Like what's the publisher doing? I don't know if the publisher existed. If you just I'm not quite sure about that, but Robert's almanac was an instant hit, selling three thousand copies its first year and growing to nine thousand copies in its second year. Wow. Which was the 1794 edition. The copies were originally sold for nine cents, which is around three dollars today. wow, that's pretty insane. Today, nearly three million copies are sold annually. I think it's just under three million. That's incredible. Robert continued to edit the old farmer's almanac for fifty-four years before his death on May 19th, 1846, at 80 years old. Reportedly while reviewing proofs for an upcoming edition of the Almanac, the man never stopped. He didn't sleep. He's buried in Legg Cemetery in Sterling, Massachusetts, in a surprisingly modest grave. It's like just a little white stone with like some fancy stonework to it. But I was expecting it to be like I created the almanac. I don't know why I just expected this to come from like the Midwest, but obviously not, because It's based in Boston. If you if you look at the tides, it's all Boston tides and then there's a key for you to change it to your location. I think that's so cool because like it is super relevant to us. Yeah, it is. Like we don't have to do any extra work. Dublin, New Hampshire is literally like what, thirty, maybe forty minutes from here. Yeah. That's crazy. That's really cool. My old best friend went to the Dublin school. Like school. Her grandma lived in Dublin. I ju I've just like I've never lived in Dublin there's nothing to do in Dublin unless you're an old white person. Yeah. But or a rich kid. Or a rich kid. I goes to the Dublin School. Yeah, exactly. So it's not like I've hung out in Dublin, but Dublin I've been around Dublin my entire life. When and to find out that the almanac is based out of there is insane. Dublin is where that girl hit me. She got pulled over by the police pulled out. They pulled her over again and they the police was like, What the f*ck? It's like, can we just go? So now I'm going to give you a timeline of the editors that came after. Just like the the heavy hitters, basically. Okay. So when Robert B. Thomas passed away, his position as editor was filled by John H. Jenks. We love him. He used astronomical calculations previously prepared by Robert B. Thomas and was a large factor in continuing his legacy. Yeah. He really like set the ball rolling, being like, we're gonna continue this. Keep doing this. It's helping people. Yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. He was the one who bit the bullet and officially added old to the title in 1848 to distinguish the two freaking almanacs. So weird do that. Messed up. It the laws must have been different back. I mean it probably didn't exist. Not even laws, but just like eighteen hundred. What you're able to publish w under I bet copyright wasn't a thing. And so that's why how they were able to do it. Anyway. In 1851, Jenks hired artist Henry Nichols, who created the famous yellow cover art that is still used today. This cover art is from 1851 That's crazy. And it's very detailed. It is. The cover depicts the four seasons in each corner with a portrait of Robert B. Thomas on the right and a portrait of Benjamin Franklin on the left. And you noted Benjamin Franklin earlier. I did. So basically Franklin's portrait is there to honor him as the father of almanacs, as well as for clout, basically. Yeah. So the two men never actually met. But Robert's almanac wanted to be associated with Franklin's wit, wisdom, and literary achievements. So that's basically why he's included on the cover He was a brilliant man. Yeah. They're like, Yeah, me too. Basically. I mean, he was a little shady. Little pick me of the old farmer's almanac. But whatever. It's okay. Yeah. And honestly, it outlived the the poor man's almanac or whatever. Yeah. Franklin's almanac was called, so It did its job. It did. And is still doing its job. Yeah. It outlived the other farmer's almanac. I like desperately want to see what the weather says. I'll wait until the end. Okay. In 1861, the editing baton was passed to Charles L. Flint. He left his mark by putting a bigger focus on farming in the book. The next notable editor was Horace Ware in 1900. he edited the almanac for nineteen years and in that time oriented the book towards the general public by replacing the scientific articles with features on modern life. cool. That's smart. I feel like that gave them more readers. Yeah. But unfortunately, in 1936, Roger Scaife became editor and we are not a fan of him. He's kinda weird last name. Yeah, right? You can just like tell he's a weirdo. His time in the role just so happened to coincide with the only time in history that the almanac's circulation and financial stability declined. Boo, bad tomato. Just to put it into perspective, the old farmer's almanac sold 225,000 copies in 1863 but only 88,000 copies in 1938 What? What was going on in 1938 Like a war or something too, maybe though? Or was it just because he sucked? I'm not quite sure what he did before this, but in a drastic attempt to sell more copies, Scaife decided to drop the weather predictions. What? Isn't that half the book? He instead reported on temperature and precipitation averages. The public outcry was so overwhelming that they returned the weather predictions the very next year Like the farmers were like the whole point of the book. It's like, so am I planting my crops or not, bro? Yeah. Literally. Is it gonna rain? Is it gonna snow? Don't f*cking know. Thanks to Roger Scaife This incident is known as the almanac's greatest blunder. At least they can name it. Yeah. Just three years later in 1939 Rob Sagendorf. purchased the old farmer's almanac and became the editor. Four years earlier, Rob and his family had moved to good old Dublin, New Hampshire to start a little something called Yankee Magazine. Okay. So thankfully, quote, under his leadership, the almanac returned to its roots, becoming more witty, wise, and entertaining. So we love Rob Sagendorf. Fun fact, and this is a quote from almanac.com. In 1942, a German spy was apprehended by the FBI with a copy of the old farmer's almanac in his pocket. The US government feared that the Germans were using the Almanac's weather forecasts in wartime strategy. A shift to weather indications rather than forecasts allowed the Almanac to continue publishing through the war. It was a close call that almost ruined the Almanac's perfect record of continuous publication. End quote. Isn't that a little sketchy? Always coming for our information. And the last editor I'll mention is in 2000, the Almanac finally got its first female editor, Janice Stillman. I think there's been one or two others since. So that being said, every single one of these editors is human and mistakes happen. Roger Scaife can attest to that. So in nine sorry. So in 1815, a printer's mistake. Called for winter weather in July and August the following summer. Allegedly, the January-February forecast had mistakenly been transposed with the July-August forecast. Robert B. Thomas was humiliated. So he literally went out and tried to destroy every single copy of the almanac that he's giving it back to his hands on. Yeah. Like you can't have it. Seriously. Someone's like, I paid good money for that. He's like, I don't give a f*ck. However, there's lore that the very next year in 1816 there actually was heavy snowfall in July and August and frost during every month of the year due to an eruption of Mount Tambora the year before in Indonesia. This this caused global cooling of thirty four degrees and was dubbed the year without a summer. So was it really a mistake? He's like How creepy. Get your almanac. Twice the price. He's like, just kidding. Here's your almanac back. But how weird is that? That is insane. This mistake that actually came true. Always trust the almanac. In the 1990s, editors attempt to save $40,000 by removing the drilled hole in the upper left-hand corner of the book. Our book's too big, apparently, to have that hole. But there is a hole in most almanacs. W why? The hole began in the 1700s when people would make their own to hang the almanac in their kitchens, garages, sheds, and even outhouses. People are wild. It was just easy access. They're like, That's how handy these things were. They were wherever they needed them quickly, basically. Like, what's the weather today? The early 1900s was when it started to be formally drilled during production. Angry subscriber surveys ultimately demanded the hanging hole be brought back, and it was. That is crazy. Yeah. they listen to the people at least. Yeah. People were like, bring it back, and they're like, Okay, okay. Sorry. Just trying something new. We didn't know you used it still. Yeah. Fun fact allegedly, Abraham Lincoln used the old farmer's almanac to defend a man accused of murder. Of murder. Murder. The witness stated that he had seen the man commit the crime in the moonlight. And Abe was like, I don't think so. The almanac says the moon could not have been in the sky at the time you're claiming to have seen this. Don't make me snap my fingers in A Z formation Could you imagine living in a time where you could literally be acquitted for murder because someone was like, No no no no. This almanac says right here There was no moon that night. There was no moon that night, sir. Overcast. The jury's like innocent. Off you go. Almanac says that's insane. There was not as many murders. There are now, but that's fine. I feel like there were more murders than there are now. You think so? In the 1800s? Absolutely. There's no cameras. But they also didn't have like guns and not like the ones that we have now. Yeah, but it's Abraham Lincoln. He's in the civil war. They definitely had guns. Okay, that's true. I mean like outside of wartime. I feel like the average citizen wasn't killing one another. They did crazy shit to you if you killed people, they'd like behead you in public. That's true. There was more of like medieval punishments. You stole something, your your hands were getting chopped off. Like right when they got to America kind of thing. People literally break into jails and drag prisoners out just to kill them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. I wouldn't want to kill someone if I knew that was a possibility. Exactly. I mean anyway. And yeah, anyway. It's just about to continue, but let's not. Let's let's not. Yeah. So I wanted to end this episode with a few things straight from the 2026 edition of the old farmer's almanac. So I went through, I combed through, I put them on my laptop for easy access. that was really smart. Yeah. So I don't don't have to keep flipping through. Yeah. So there's a category called This Year's Cringes. Here we go. I once worked at a pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough. My friends and I have named our band Duvet. It's a cover band. my gosh. I've started telling everyone about the benefit of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness. my god. That's my favorite one. That's not okay. Next, how to live to be a hundred years old or more. According to Anderson of Benicia, California, who lived to the age of one hundred and six. Okay. Some of the things he said, exercise every single day, even if you don't feel like it. Eat around the mold. Don't go wasting food. Dude. Try not to take yourself too seriously. Eat around the mold. Another category. Sir, Don't tell. I'm like I'm like just skipping right over it. You're like, excuse me. Like, don't listen to that advice. He was a hundred and six. I he's lucky. Okay. He's like one of those guys who also probably smoked like three packs of cigarettes a day and this motherfucker lived. Okay. So just don't listen to that man. Especially with the food that they feed us nowadays. Do not eat around the mold. Well, that shit doesn't even mold. So if it's molding, we've got a problem. Yeah. Throw it away. Another category, talk about baggage, items left behind by travelers. Toilet brush shaped like a cherry, teeth bedazzling kit, and an authentic box of Prada Crayons. I didn't even know Prada made crayons, and I looked it up and I couldn't find a single box of Prada Crayons, so I have no idea. Prada Crayons. Name brand. Prada crayons. Crayons. And I was really stumped by the cherry shaped toilet brush. And then it just got where like teeth bedazzling kit like yeah grill. Yeah, like a grill. But do it yourself. Like the bedazzle gems. Yeah. Like the little girls have. Yeah, exactly. Instead of instead of gold and diamonds, it's just like these pink stars. And like moon shapes. You're joking, but I feel like that's actually what it is. I I yeah. So the general weather report and forecast for autumn will be cooler than normal, except for near normal or warmer temps from the deep south through most of Texas and the heartland, from the high plains through the central Rockies and the desert southwest and across Alaska. Rainfall will be above normal in the northeast. Across southern Florida, from Oklahoma to Texas, from the central and northern Rockies, through much of the west coast and across Hawaii. It be will it will be near to below normal everywhere else. That's like all of America. Yeah, literally. It's like what didn't you name? That's so for fall, that's what that was. A lot of rain and it's gonna be cold. Is yeah, pretty much. Good luck. Florida. I feel like I just jinxed you, my bad. That was like all the other comments underneath it. And they're like, that's like talking about a pitcher doing a no hitter. Like you just don't say it out loud if he's doing it. 'Cause as soon as you say it out loud, somebody will hit a home run. Right. Yeah. Mega storm! Yeah, that's what they were saying. They like, now there's gonna be a category six hurricane. Nice job, guys. Just reving up. Yeah. So ads have always been like a central point in the old farmers almanac, and they've always been kind of funny and clever and like the ads have just always been like Like for products you just didn't think of kind of thing. Yeah, just like whoever wants to place an ad, basically. So one of the ads in this edition, the 2026 edition, is an ad for H2O scams exposed. It's a free report, usually a fifteen dollar value. Learn the truth about distilled, mineral, tap, spring, filtered, bottled, well, alkalized, reverse osmosis. Which one is best for you? That's a scary. I don't like thinking about that. Call for free report and catalog. Drinkingwaterhoax.com. Like we like, but like that's really scary. Like people don't realize. Like every time I see a water truck going down the highway, I'm like, where the f*ck are you coming from? And where are you going? Like, where are you bringing that drinking water only water truck? 'Cause like nowadays I feel like they're going other places. They're not going to get drank. Just saying. Don't whisper into the microphone! Water hoax! And lastly, 2026 trends. Goodbye, grass. Homeowners are eliminating lawns little by little, replacing narrow strips in full sun with a mix of perennials, leaving space for the odd tomato plant, with a fancy cage to make it look ornamental, or using herbs like lemon thyme as edging plants. Don't eliminate all of your grass until you have a plan in place to fill that space immediately, says Nolan. Very cool. Yard Guardians. Gardeners are working hard to remove invasive species. Burning bush, exotic honeysuckles, brown leaf bittersweet, and Norway maple. They're battling buckthorn, introduced as an ornamental landscape plant, but now considered a noxious weed, and replacing it with nannyberry and juneberry. Julie Weisenhorn, Extension Educator, University of Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. Farmers marketing. Farmers are differentiating themselves from competitors via social media platforms, value added products with unique packaging, CSA boxes with recipe cards, and produce pop-up shops at retail stores. For small farms, most of the marketing and branding is being done by the farmers or farm employees themselves, since margins are narrow, and hiring a marketing firm is likely cost prohibitive, says Shannon Roder, Small Farms Coordinator at Oregon State University Extension Service. And that's all I got for you. That's pretty cool. Except for the farmer's almanac. So since today's a special day I'm going to read every month they have like a poem or like a little written thing going down the side of the month and I never read it because I don't know when I would do that and when I wouldn't. Yeah. Because there's only one of them. But today's a special day, so I'm gonna read it. Yeah. So today is September twenty-fourth. We have a little poetic thing here. August ripens, September gathers in, August bears the burden, September the fruit. Today is the best day to make jam or jelly and wash your floors. Jey, get on it. Jam and jelly time. Jam and jelly. I just made jam. And our special little essay this month says Farmer's Calendar, Duffy's Playhouse. There's a 54-acre whistle stop on the outskirts of a college town, stewarded by the tenderness of a one-eyed farmer Duffy. A story for another time. I lived there as a young start. My writing desk faced the '47 Ford rusted in the side pasture where young cattle would nose through spent grass and weedy burdock. I live a few towns over now, my boots mud crusted by my own bit of soil. In September, after second cut hay. But before the prize winner pumpkin stand opens, I am sure to pay Duffy a visit. His retriever, Fina, shows off her favorite mud bend in the crick High above, an earful of cedar wax wings takes flight from the foxy wild grapes that bind the river birch, putting a sweet jasmine like scent in the air. We move fence, inching a 500 foot electric line of polywire to reveal fresh green for the herd. We often retire to the Playhouse, a loft in the old tobacco shed. It's like a roadhouse of antique farm novelties up there, and I never bothered to ask how it got its name. The Barn Wood retains its old char, notes of clove, smoke, and heart of cedar, and a sip of something strong warms the bonds of old friendship. That's really cool. And that's The old farmer's almanac. I loved that episode. That was really good. Thanks. I figured it was about time. Yeah. Since we do it at at the end of every single episode. Yeah. That we learn a little bit about it. And I had so many assumptions about it, like most things. which is why learning things is important, folks. Yeah. It's fun. Yeah. You can't just walk around thinking you know everything 'cause You most likely do not. If you do, I apologize. But you most likely do not think you can learn something new every day. Every single day. Especially even things that are right in front of you and that you use. So thanks for that. Anna that was really cool. Yeah. You can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok at @TwoToolsNoCluePodcast. You can go on our Patreon site and subscribe at Patreon.com/twotoolsnoclue. Or you can email us at twotoolsnocluepodcast@gmail.com. If you have more questions like I did than answers, hit us up. Let's start a conversation. We might not know it, but we'll figure it out. Yeah. Rate, review, subscribe. We love you guys. Bye-bye. Bye.