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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: Are You 'Good' At Being Alone? · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Hey, Hurdler's Emily A baddie here coming to you with
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: another installment of five Minute Friday. Can I tell you
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: right off the bat here, Yesterday was a dynamite day
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  Speaker 1: in New York City, like ten out of ten total
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  Speaker 1: gem I you know, the night before, I went to
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  Speaker 1: bed thinking to myself that I was going to go
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  Speaker 1: to the gym and take a spin class on like
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: via my iPad on one of the spin bikes. And
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  Speaker 1: I woke up and the sun was already coming up,
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  Speaker 1: and it was like the Goldilocks, fifty two degree temperature outside,
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  Speaker 1: and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna take
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  Speaker 1: my bike out for a little ride.
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  Speaker 2: And so eighty minutes.
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  Speaker 1: Of just me and the sun and the birds and
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  Speaker 1: oh my goodness, if you live in New York right now,
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  Speaker 1: the trees are blooming, just absolute perfection. Anyway, yesterday it
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: was also really special because it was the first time
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  Speaker 1: since last March that I recorded in person with someone
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: coming down the pipe for the pod. I'm going to
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: keep them their identity under wraps for a little bit longer,
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  Speaker 1: but this person will be the first guest that I
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  Speaker 1: have had come on the show for a longer episode twice,
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  Speaker 1: so I'm really excited about that. The conversation was really
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  Speaker 1: impactful and really special. And so for this episode of
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Five Minute Friday, which if you're new to the show,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I typically share a story, offer up a thought prompt
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: to take you into the weekend or whenever you're listening
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  Speaker 1: to this to reflect on, and then give you some
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  Speaker 1: of my highlights of the week, my content and picks,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: so to speak. So this conversation that I was having
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: yesterday during the recording, we were chatting about the last
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: year and getting comfortable being alone, and the woman that
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  Speaker 1: I was chatting with, who is also a good friend
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: of mine, she said something that got me a little
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  Speaker 1: bit emotional. She said, you know, out of almost anyone
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  Speaker 1: I know, you are the best at being alone. And
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  Speaker 1: I was sitting there and she said that, and it
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  Speaker 1: registered with me, and I felt like the tears kind
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  Speaker 1: of behind my eyeballs, and I tried to like kind
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  Speaker 1: of get it together right and I did. But we
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  Speaker 1: kind of went back and forth on that a little
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  Speaker 1: bit more, and once she was done with her thought,
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  Speaker 1: I thanked her for the compliment and then I kind
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  Speaker 1: of told her my truth, which is that, well, it's
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  Speaker 1: a few things. First of all, getting good and I'm
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  Speaker 1: using air quotes here even though you can't see them,
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  Speaker 1: getting good at spending time alone wasn't something that happened
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  Speaker 1: for me overnight, right. It was a process that took
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  Speaker 1: a long time. In fact, years ago, I used to
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  Speaker 1: be frightened of having to do things by myself. I
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  Speaker 1: felt like whenever I was doing something alone that I
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  Speaker 1: was messing up, as though I couldn't find someone to
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  Speaker 1: do it with me.
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  Speaker 2: And the fact that.
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  Speaker 1: I'm quote unquote good at it as the whole I
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: might cry right now situation thing indicates it triggers a
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  Speaker 1: lot of emotions, right because on one hand, I am
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  Speaker 1: grateful that I know.
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  Speaker 2: How to enjoy spending time by myself.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's important that whether you are single like me,
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  Speaker 1: or in a relationship or a marriage or a partnership
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  Speaker 1: or what have you, that it is important that you
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  Speaker 1: feel comfortable sitting with yourself and stillness alone, doing things alone.
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  Speaker 1: I mean shopping alone, eating alone, hanging out in the
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  Speaker 1: park alone. Like you get the idea, I am of
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: the mind said that it's important that we take the
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: time to listen to what's really happening within us. And
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  Speaker 1: trust that in the discomfort, because we all know that
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  Speaker 1: this can be an uncomfortable thing to get used to.
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  Speaker 1: In this scenario, you know, we learn so much about ourselves,
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  Speaker 1: and I think that is of the utmost importance.
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  Speaker 3: Now.
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  Speaker 1: On the other hand, despite me like being super thankful
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  Speaker 1: that I'm I'm cool hanging out by myself, it makes
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  Speaker 1: me it's a little sad for me because it's not
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  Speaker 1: like it's always by choice. Like I, as I mentioned,
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  Speaker 1: single almost thirty three years old, I've had a handful
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: of friends leave New York over the past fourteen months,
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  Speaker 1: and I am, without a doubt at a point where
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  Speaker 1: I want to find the right person to build a
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  Speaker 1: life with. I say this with the caveat that I
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  Speaker 1: am one hundred percent not rushing into the wrong thing.
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  Speaker 1: And I feel really confident in spending this time by
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  Speaker 1: myself because I do not want the wrong thing. But
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  Speaker 1: it's still like the idea of like, you are so
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  Speaker 1: good at spending time alone, Like I don't know if
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  Speaker 1: necessarily that was something that I would hope to be
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  Speaker 1: bragging about, so to speak, in my in my thirties.
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  Speaker 1: So to wrap up this story, I offered my friend
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  Speaker 1: a piece of advice that I want to share with you,
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  Speaker 1: which is to get good air quotes at spending time alone.
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  Speaker 1: The best thing that I did was I started to
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  Speaker 1: date myself. I started to make plans with myself. Now,
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  Speaker 1: these plans, they don't have to be expensive, right, Like
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  Speaker 1: you don't need to go spend one hundred dollars on
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  Speaker 1: a dinner or travel to some faraway place. It's just
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  Speaker 1: got to be like dedicated time. It's I'm going to
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  Speaker 1: plan to go on a run tomorrow afternoon. I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to read a book in the park on a sunny day.
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna ride my bike around town and then listen
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  Speaker 1: to a podcast. Like whatever it is that you plan
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  Speaker 1: to do with yourself, go get them. Enjoy that time.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: You can identify the things in your life that bring
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  Speaker 1: you joy that you can do solo, and sometimes that's
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  Speaker 1: the unlock, right understanding and recognizing that things can bring
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  Speaker 1: you joy and you don't necessarily always need to be
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  Speaker 1: doing those things with someone else or sharing it on
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  Speaker 1: social media or bringing other people into the fold. You
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  Speaker 1: can have that joy just you. My prompt for you
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  Speaker 1: this week, how can you take some time alone for
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: yourself this week and enjoy it again. How can you
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: take some time alone for yourself this week and enjoy it?
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  Speaker 1: Highlights of the week. Links to all of this goodness
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  Speaker 1: are in the show notes. Read five women of Color
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Changing the face of therapy from today. May upcoming is
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Mental Health Month. Trust me more content on that FO
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: front coming soon. I loved this roundup from today, which
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: shines a great, great spotlight on some of the ladies,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: paving the way for important conversations when it comes to
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: us talking about our mental health. Watch We Work or
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: the Making and Breaking of a forty seven billion dollar Unicorn.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if I found this like obscenely fascinating
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: because I've been a long time we Work member, but
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: this documentary talking about like the rise and fall of
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: this huge brand blew my mind. And I found it
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  Speaker 1: especially interesting because they talk a lot about the culture
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  Speaker 1: that the company was like trying to create and that
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: like you wanted to be a we Work member because
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: if you were a we Work member, like you are
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: an entrepreneur. And I totally drank that kool aid.
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  Speaker 2: It is fascinating. You have to check it out.
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  Speaker 1: Read how to Reboot your Brain after a year of
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  Speaker 1: stress on what and good.
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  Speaker 2: I loved, loved, loved this article from Aaron Bunch.
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  Speaker 1: She interviewed a neurologist and a scientist about their top
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  Speaker 1: recommendations for how to make our brains perform better than
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: they did before the pandemic. I don't have to tell
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: you twice. This year has been a lot and the
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: tips are both super easy to execute but also can
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: be super impactful. Definitely, definitely actionable. Listen Trained Joelle Dfontaine
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: getting in Step with Yourself. I love the Trained podcast.
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  Speaker 1: My friend Ryan Flaherty, he's the senior director of Performance
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: at Nike. He typically hosts it. He's also been on
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: the show. I highly encourage you to check out his
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: episode alling to it in the show notes. But on
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: this specific episode, my old friend Jacqueline Buyer is stepping
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  Speaker 1: in for Ryan as he is on paternity leave to
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  Speaker 1: host this episode, and I loved their conversation. I love
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  Speaker 1: hearing Jack behind the mic, and in it she's talking
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: with a Nike trainer and choreographer, Joeldfontaine.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: They tackle a lot of great topics in here.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Joel talks about how he fell in love with dancing
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: that's his shick while doing a gig at a gay nightclub,
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  Speaker 1: which ultimately led to him quitting his desk job and
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: doing it full time. I also really enjoyed his perspective
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: on what we can do to diversify fitness, So I'm
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: hype this episode up. Definitely give it a listen now
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: for this week's a listener question from Alyssa.
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  Speaker 3: Hi, Emily, this is Alyssa from Colorado. Thanks so much
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  Speaker 3: for the awesome podcast and all of the fantastic contents
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: that you put out. I really appreciate it and I
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: look forward to it every single week. My question is
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: about starting to freelance and pitching two publications. How do
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: you go about doing that? If you have a pitch
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: in mind or an interview subject in mind, do you
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: go to the magazine or the publication first and ask
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: them or pitch it to them first, or do you
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: do the interview first and write the article and pitch
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  Speaker 3: the whole article. What is the process of getting started
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  Speaker 3: freelancing with a publication that you've donever worked with before.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you so much in advance for answering this question,
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: and have a great day.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Great question.
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  Speaker 1: I do feel like this is a great opportunity to
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: plug the Hurdle session that I have on the Hurdle website.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Intro to freelance writing all linked to it in the
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  Speaker 1: show notes. But basically, when it comes to freelance pitching,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: the art of the pitch is a special art. I
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: would recommend rather than writing an entire article and doing
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: a ton of research before communicating with a publication, you
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: pitch them your idea, whether or not you've worked with
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: them before. Right, So this means that maybe you find
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: an editor's information online. It's not that hard to find
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: someone's email address these days, and I would highly recommend
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: that you land this in their email inbox instead of
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: reaching out to them over on social media. Send an
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  Speaker 1: editor an email, and in that pitch email, introduce yourself
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  Speaker 1: and then include one to two pitches. These pitches should
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: include a headline option or two as well as the
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: gist of what you want to write about in your article. Now,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: a bad pitch would be I want to write an
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  Speaker 1: article about phonam rollers. That's the whole pitch. That's a
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: bad pitch. A good pitch would be so and so
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: athlete the other day mentioned that they lean into phone
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: rollers to help them with muscle soreness. To jump on
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  Speaker 1: what they said. I want to write an article about
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: what happens when you use phone rollers and how they
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: can indeed help with this. And for this item, I
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: want to talk to X and Y, So be very
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: specific about your angle, who you want to talk to,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: what service your article will provide, and if it's not
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: service driven, then what's the purpose of this article? What
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: makes this pitch different? And also of note, why is
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: this pitch relevant to the outlet that you are interested
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: in writing for. So while I may write content regularly
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: everywhere from Women's Health magazine to livestrong dot com to
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Well Andgood dot com and so on and so forth,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: those brands may run articles on similar subjects, but each
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: of them they have a different tone. They cover topics
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: in different ways, and that is what is important to
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: keep in mind when you are pitching new ideas. Of course,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I have a ton more thoughts on this. I am
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: a career journalist. I've been freelancing for over four years now,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: so if you want more insight again, I definitely recommend
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: that you check out that Hurdle session or feel free
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: to shoot me an email. That is it for this week.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: If you have yet to do so and you want
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: in on book club. We are coming together on zoom
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: to chat about the art of gathering on April twenty first,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: and I would love to see you there. The link
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: to register, just like everything else, is in the show notes.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle over at Hurdle
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Podcasts on Instagram. I am over at Emily a Body,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Another hurdle conquered.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.