Latest / Voice Notes to the Universe / Voice Note #122—Same Energy, Different Face.
Transcript
- speaker-0: Perhaps this time I can stay on track. Talking to spirit about the same energy. Same energy. Different face. And I was thinking about the mirror of what can I learn and finding and realizing that the things that I'm avoiding within my life. And then I also within that realized. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: That I was chasing after things that I knew were not for me. That and and it's not only a person, it could be a situation, it could be an opportunity, right? And it's like somewhere in me I know it's not gonna work out, or I know it's not the right fit, but I just like I'm like, speaker-1: you you speaker-0: in my mind I'm like, no, this is so great, this is so perfect, or this this person. Like I you know, I put whatever it is, person or again, opportunity or situation up on this pedestal and I just don't allow them, you know, to I I don't know, I put this expectation on certain thing. Well, on a lot of things. But a and then I get disappointed, but I knew it wasn't gonna work out. Like I knew it wasn't a fit. So why was I why do I continue to do that? Why am I chasing after things that I know aren't good for me? But yet I'm like, I can't live without it. This is perfect. This is gonna solve all my problems or like whatever. Or ⁓ perfect you know, it's just it's absurd. It really is. And then I was like, ⁓ shit, maybe I'm the speaker-1: you speaker-0: made me I am the emotionally unavailable person. Not them. It's me. I'm the shit, what the fuck? Shut the fuck up. Are you kidding me? Wait, I'm the fucked up one. I am the emotionally unavailable person in this situation? Mmm. Actually that tracks. That tracks. So that was another really interesting speaker-1: you you speaker-0: realization about myself. I was like, ⁓ wait, maybe it's because there's certain like I'm in my core, like I'm I'm scared. Maybe I say like I want love and I want a relationship, but I'm kind of scared at it of it at the same time. Maybe I say I want this career and I want to do all these things, but I'm kinda scared of it all at the same time. And so I tend to attract things or chase things that I know are not going to work out. Because then I can say, well it's not my fault, or like, ⁓ it just happened. ⁓ bitch, no. Subconsciously, you already knew, you know, right? ⁓ So that was like a oof, goddammit. Fuck you, spirit. But you know, that didn't feel so great, but at least now I know. And so I'm like, okay, I think I've learned my lesson from these from these situations. And but but then what happens? What bitch what happened? speaker-1: you . you speaker-0: Enters this thing. This this person, this situation, okay, and I'm like, okay. And I'm like, spirit, this feels this feels awfully familiar. I'm like, I thought we worked through this. So what is it? Why is this coming? Like what what are we what are we doing with this? I thought we but it's always an opportunity to go deeper. speaker-1: you you Yeah speaker-0: You know, and so this time around what I'm learning, right, is to not put any whether or not I receive any visions, downloads, messages from spirit from the universe. I have learned and have surrendered to the fact that it's all potentiality and there are many different speaker-1: you you you you speaker-0: paths and roads I can take. And there's even within a relationship with meeting someone, there's many different ways this could go. Like it's just it's it's such a it's it's this incredible web of possibilities, of of potentialities, right? I don't know if that's a real word, but it's my real word. And so what I'm learning is regardless of speaker-1: you speaker-0: the the beauty I see in that person, the potential I see in that person, the light, you know, all of this. And I could see your shadow, right? And and I accept and I love you your shadow because there's something in me that I can I could go, Ooh, yeah, I see it. I fe I have something similar. I give grace, I give compassion, I give love. No judgment, right? 'Cause if I'm if I'm but that's, you know, if I'm judging me, I'm judging you. speaker-1: you speaker-0: How we hold our hold space for ourselves is, you know, how we hold space for others, right? So I'm learning, right, to to allow people to show themselves to me ⁓ with with no from no judgment from me, no pressure from me, and just allowing people to exist and just show me who they are. speaker-1: you speaker-0: without me putting anyone or any situation or opportunity or person up on this pedestal of like, ⁓ this is so great. No. Let me remain and s just stay neutral and and have no expectation on the outcome and allow this person to to be themselves. And to show me what it is that I need to see. Right? Because ⁓ that's the one thing too, right, is speaker-1: you you you you speaker-0: is you know, sometimes it is incredibly valuable to be the observer and just watch and just listen. And as a person and just you just you don't say anything, right? You just you just you're open, you're receptive, right, to the to a person's energy, you're neutral and and you're just gonna you're just gonna kinda let's just see how this goes, right? speaker-1: you you speaker-0: What what is it th what is their default? 'Cause I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna always say things to people. I wanna see like what your default reaction or response is to a situation. How are you gonna handle this? Especially if I'm looking for like if I if it's a serious business partner or if it's a a potential romantic interest. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: You know, I just kinda wanna see where your where your neutral is, where your default is. And then, you know, it's but then so so I know that th those are things that I need to learn because before maybe I would push or I would chase or I would try too hard or I would like wanna show people like why I'm worth it or whatever. So now I just it's sometimes it's like, Okay, I just I'm just gonna s be quiet and I'm gonna watch and I'm gonna listen. But I'm gonna be open, I'm gonna be receptive, right? speaker-1: you you speaker-0: and soft while still having boundaries. Right? And so then that that's the other thing that I know that I'm learning from this situation is you there's that piece, but then okay girl, when Can you speak up when you know you need to speak up? Because in the past there have been times where my boundaries and or my needs, not even my wants, but my needs have gone unspoken because I was afraid to speak them because of such a deep core wounding of the way I I was I viewed love. speaker-1: Hey. you speaker-0: you know, love was like performative and I was, you know, have this anxious, avoidant attachment. You you like you learned all these things about yourself, right? And then you go, ⁓ okay, I kinda do this. You know, I'm scared of being too much, right? And if this person can't receive this about me, then they're gonna leave and then I'm gonna be feeling rejected. I'm gonna be alone. So this just goes back again, back into this core wounding of rejection. And so especially in the beginning of a relationship, you know, I've I've learned enough about myself. I was like, I it's a need, not a want. It's a I need to be able to, you know, fully and wholly be myself. I n it's I need I've done way too much work on myself. I I don't think I could it would be difficult for me to be any other way than who I am now. speaker-1: you speaker-0: knowing that I'm always gonna grow and I'm always gonna change and there will always be a different version of me depending on sometimes depending on the minute. But it's not a bad thing. It's not like, you know because my because the core of my nature is the same. It's solid, it's grounded, it's loving, it's kind, right? So there's a difference. But speaker-1: you speaker-0: Yeah, so it's it's can I can I speak up to this person? And if if if if they are like you know, maybe if they do give me that 'cause I think ⁓ most times people are usually pretty open and receptive. And if they're not, then thank you for showing that to me. Thank you. Because it that might not have felt great, but at least now I know. And that was the universe's way, that was spirit's way, God's way of saving me from this person. And so sometimes that's how I look at it as well. It's like, it's not me. I'm not too much. You know, it's them. speaker-1: you speaker-0: You know, I'm okay and I'm secure within myself. And I would rather know this because this is not the person I I wanna be with, right? Long term. Again, whether it be in business or especially in a romantic a romantic relationship. You know. So this is ⁓ so this is a this is kind of a I don't wanna say a test or a practice, but it's it's a speaker-1: you you you speaker-0: I get, it's just I'm walking it's I feel like I'm I'm actually for the first time walking through life in a very grounded and and intentional way. speaker-1: you you you speaker-0: And I'm seeing things it's like you you I needed to come back to this place of like coming back to the basics. Coming back to looking with a new perspective ⁓ and looking at life with evergreen eyes. Right? And because I it was like sometimes you can get so into things and you just it's too much information. speaker-1: you you you . speaker-0: And and and sometimes you just need to come back to the fucking basics. And I'm needing to really connect to my inner child and play more and I know that. I see that. I feel it. It's not even that I know it. I feel it. speaker-1: you speaker-0: And I'm in this place of speaker-1: you speaker-0: It's interesting, right? Because my me I my creativity and and and what it is I create ⁓ becomes it's it's it's it's it's ⁓ that that is my my business, right? That is that is that is what helps me in my career, right? But in order to create, sometimes it's like, I'm gonna go camping off grid in a tent for a couple of ⁓ speaker-1: you you speaker-0: to completely be in my own energy and connect with Pachamama in a way that only I can when I'm in the woods, sleeping on the ground. Right? Or maybe that looks like going to the park with my basketball or swinging on the swings or reading a book. Or listening to music and dancing and singing. Maybe it's like, you know, doing art and watercolors and whatever is you know, just I whatever it is that that connects you, that to your inner child, that makes you laugh, that that helps you to get into flow. And I was looking at those things because I'm I'm still and I need still need to make money, right? As I'm working on my business. I was I'm working on these speaker-1: you speaker-0: these things that I'm I'm trying to birth, these create create creations to birth into existence. I still need to make money, so it's something completely different. So I drive Uber. I'm like I'm like I'm like your girl I'm like I'm your girl Friday, baby. I do a little bit of everything. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: You know, I drive Uber, sometimes I do private rides, sometimes I do reading for people, sometimes I coach men, you know. ⁓ working, you know, into other things. I like to write, although my writing's not really made me any money. I I I it's just part of creation, right? And but I was looking at all these things or re you know, researching different topics to write about. Like so I'm looking at these those all those things as speaker-1: you speaker-0: A treat for getting the work done, for going and and driving eight, nine, ten, eleven hours of Uber to make money. ⁓ now I could give myself this treat of playing. And what I'm realizing is I'm completely depleting myself, you know, because I'm working so hard that I'm depleting myself of energy to play. speaker-1: . you you speaker-0: And because money's so tight, I feel like any time I do that, I'm like, no, I should be out working. I should be doing things to make money. When in reality, if I just sat you know, honored those things and and fed life into it, that's what ultimately is gonna make mu me money. You know, that's really what is is my career, you know, is my creation. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: you know, my creative endeavors. And and so it's it's like, ⁓ my gosh, so now you're like in this loop. It's like I I work, I have to work, I shame myself for not working. So playing feels like a a forbidden treat, which in reality it should be a sacred ritual. It should be a sacred ritual because here's the thing. I live in this world in speaker-1: you you speaker-0: Solely on my intuition and blind faith. And trust in my intuition and blind faith in spirit. That is how I live my life. It is not a life for anyone, for for everyone, right? Sometimes I think, fuck, this isn't even a life for me. But I I speaker-1: you you speaker-0: something pulls me to it and I I I I I just can't. I can't n nothing else, even though it's hard and I I really struggle sometimes, I could never go back. I'll make it work. I'll figure it out. I don't even figure it out. Spirit always provides. The universe always provides for me. I I can't, you know, it's like once I you once you see you cannot unsee. Once you know, you cannot unknow. Once you've experienced this, I I how could I ever go back? Even if this is hard. Just makes sense to me, right? So I don't know. All right. I feel like I've rambled on long enough. speaker-1: you you you speaker-0: Toodaloo.