Latest / The Daily Sarcast / February 27th, 2026: Hilary, Time Capsules And Lindsey Life

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February 27th, 2026: Hilary, Time Capsules And Lindsey Life · The Daily Sarcast

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  Today's episode is sponsored by your subway pulling up as you're walking down
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  to catch it. You might be able to take on the world next.
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  We encourage our passengers to travel comfortably and appreciate our loyal followers
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  who enjoy the online humor.
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  Tampa International Airport on kidding around that it wants to ban pajamas.
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  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Sarcast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
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  I'm Lindsay Vernick and it's February 27th, 2026.
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  Happy Friday! It's supposed to be a beautiful weekend, so I hope you enjoy it
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  before we get more snow next week!
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  In real news, Hillary Clinton sat for a six-hour closed-door deposition about
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  Jeffrey Epstein yesterday.
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  She says she never met him, never flew on his plane, never visited the island,
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  never hung out with him, never did brunch, has never even heard of his name before this.
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  She said she has zero knowledge of his crimes and repeated that enough times
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  that it could probably be remixed into a club track.
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  The deposition got spicy about an hour in when and someone allegedly leaked
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  a photo from inside the room to right-wing podcaster Benny Johnson,
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  who then immediately posted it.
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  That caused Hillary to pause the whole thing and object.
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  Democrats accused Republicans of breaking committee rules and turning the whole thing into a photo app.
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  Chairman James R. Comer says the investigation is legitimate and thorough.
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  Clinton says it's partisan political theater, designed to distract from President Trump.
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  So, you know, same Washington script, new season.
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  Democrats in the room described the questioning as repetitive and at times unserious.
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  Apparently UFOs and pizza game came up.
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  Meanwhile, Republicans pressed her about her husband's past associations and
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  about Ghislaine Maxwell attending Chelsea's wedding as a guest of a guest.
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  Hillary's overall tone afterward was annoyed but controlled.
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  She called it upsetting and said the question didn't uncover anything meaningful
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  and suggested investigators should focus on people actually named prominently in the Epstein files.
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  Today, Bill Clinton is set to testify. That's historic.
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  A former president testifying about young women being sex trafficked.
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  That will be something else.
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  For America's 250th birthday in 2026, the official semi-quinsensial crew is
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  burying a time capsule near Independence Hall on July 4th.
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  It will not be opened until 2276, yet 250 years from now.
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  The capsule is a three-foot stainless steel cylinder that's supposed to survive
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  everything, you know, except for like an alien invasion.
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  Inside of the capsule are tiny
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  archival boxes that represent all 56 states
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  and territories plus the three branches of government each state gets to choose
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  its own items one sheet of paper per state is guaranteed though hawaii negotiated
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  an extra one so they can include english and hawaiian a bilingual letter to
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  the future feels like emotional intelligence most people can barely managed now.
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  The whole thing was mandated by Congress back in 2016.
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  The vibe is sea to shining sea.
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  Nonpartisan, let everyone tell their own story, which is bold considering we
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  literally argue about everything.
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  That's precedent. In 1876, someone made it century safe.
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  In 1776, we went feral for time capsules. One town buried a Chevrolet.
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  Another official capsule is still waiting in the National Archives to be opened in 2076.
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  So America loves this stuff.
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  Engineers have warned us that most of these time capsules end up as dirt soup
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  when they get, like, undug.
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  But this one has an outer shell, and an inner capsule, and an air bubble,
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  like it's prepping for the apocalypse.
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  There will be a replica at the White House Visitor Center where regular humans
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  can drop notes to the future. Some of those will make it in too.
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  And if the area gets flooded, they say that the capsule will relocate with the
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  Liberty Bell if necessary.
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  However, there is no mention on what they'll do with the Declaration of Independence.
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  In this week's episode of succession the reality show
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  netflix is backed out of its bid to buy warner brothers back
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  in december netflix struck an 83 billion dollar deal to buy most of warner brothers
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  they were going to absorb hbo and take over warner brothers studios and spin
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  off cable networks like cnn into their own little island of legacy media then
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  enters paramount and they launched a hostile takeover bid.
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  It was all cash, higher per share price, very I'll see your streaming empire and raise you.
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  Paramount upped its offer to $31 a share and Netflix was at $27.75 a share.
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  Warner called Paramount's offer superior, so basically money talks.
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  So Netflix was basically like, cool, we're out then.
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  Now the path looks clear for Paramount to take over the whole company instead of Netflix taking it.
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  But this isn't just about studios. It's about who controls the next hour of
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  streaming film and HBO prestige and the very exhausted idea of cable news.
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  Media consolidation continues and the logos get bigger and the executives get
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  even richer and your subscription price still goes up.
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  In Lindsay life, I'm not really sure why random people keep coming into the
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  spa and whispering to me, do you really like it here?
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  And I either smile very widely and shake my head no, or I whisper back, no, I hate it. Help me.
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  MVP of this week goes to FedEx. So after the Supreme Court struck down a bunch
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  of Trump's tariffs, companies started suing to get their money back,
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  and over $100 billion was collected.
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  Now here's the twist. FedEx often pays those import duties up front,
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  but passes the cost directly to customers.
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  So technically they paid it, but realistically the customer paid for it.
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  So FedEx just announced that if a court orders the government to refund them,
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  they'll return the money to the shippers and consumers who originally absorbed the charges.
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  Which is wild, because normally when corporations get surprise money,
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  it disappears into operational adjustments and executive bonuses.
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  Refunds aren't guaranteed. That could take years. But from an optics standpoint,
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  FedEx just said, if we win, you win.
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  Like, that's amazing, and FedEx is more mature than the president of our country,
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  and maybe the CEO should be running for president.
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  Cooking tip of the day bodega sandwiches can be just as good as whatever you're
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  making at home and probably even cheaper than that feedback comments questions
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  a nice jewish boy looking for a date email me at lindsay at the daily starcast.com
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  thanks so much for listening have a great weekend and i will talk to you guys on monday.