Latest / The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series / How to Master Your Emotional Triggers (and Find Calm)

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How to Master Your Emotional Triggers (and Find Calm) · The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: A trigger is a messenger from the past telling you something is unresolved, and if there's anybody in your life that triggers you, you really want to bless them and thank them, because they're showing you where you are unresolved and in need of healing, and as soon as that's healed, you become way more empowered.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: I'm James and you're listening to the Super Soul Model series.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: In today's episode, we're going to be talking about a subject that is important for all of us because it affects every single one of us, and whether you are leading a team of people running your own business or you're just trying to stay grounded in your own personal relationships, today's episode is all about how to heal those things called emotional triggers.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Now, triggers are those things that seemingly come out of the blue, that seem really small but hit us really hard, and it might be a situation, a comment or a person that triggers you.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: But instead of looking at the triggers as an enemy or as a problem, or trying to put blame on anybody else for those triggers surfacing from us, this episode is going to bring a bit of clarity and a bit of light to what they actually are, because, in truth, the triggers that you experience are revealing to you something that's unresolved from your past, and the best way to see them are as messengers or as teachers about what you need to look into so that you can heal those unresolved traumas of the past.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: In this episode, I'll share with you why triggers are such an important tool for your own personal growth and well-being, especially if you're a leader.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going to share with you how you can work with them rather than against them, and you're also going to walk away with some practical tools and strategies, and one of my own personal favorites is by dr david hawkins, who wrote a book called letting go, and this technique is incredibly powerful.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: If you've ever felt off-center because of comment, a look or a situation and you'd like to learn how to be composed, empowered and conscious in a situation going forwards, then this episode is especially for you.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: So what is a trigger?
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: A trigger is a messenger from the past telling you something is unresolved, and if there's anybody in your life that triggers you, you really want to bless them and thank them, because they're showing you where you are unresolved and in need of healing, and as soon as that's healed, you become way more empowered.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: But let's really look to find out what a trigger is and how it happens in the moment.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Well, in truth, a trigger is an emotional response that's actually bigger than the moment, and it's always rooted in past pain, which has unconscious beliefs where its needs are not being met, and so the nervous system goes into a frenzy and goes into a fight or flight mode.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: And often the types of feelings that come up with a triggered moment or a triggered response is you feel unsettled, you might even want to feel like you are shutting down or there's a large over reactivity.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: So why is it so important that you learn how to master the trigger response?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Well, the reason why you want to learn how to master it is because, whether you're influencing a lot of people, leading people, or perhaps you're even a professional athlete, any time that you get triggered and you haven't dealt with it, it causes disruption and it causes you to lose the present moment.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: It causes you to only make poor choices and poor decisions from what's in front of you when you get triggered and, last but not least, your communication is poor as well.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: So every time you learn and demonstrate your ability to come back to your center again from an emotional trigger, you're actually self-regulating, which demonstrates great leadership quality.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: And, on top of that, you don't want to see triggers as an enemy.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: You want to see them as invitations, because, in truth, triggers are mirrors, they're not the enemy.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: So why is it so important that you learn how to master emotional triggers and whether you're influencing a lot of people, you're leading people or in a business, or perhaps you're even a professional athlete, the reason why it's so important is because, every time you get triggered, what actually happens is you lose the present moment, you break that present moment power and you give your power away to the certain situation or thing that's just occurred.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: And, on top of that, any decision or choice you need to make will be a poor one because you're triggered, because you're now coming from the negative end, because there's a lot of what I like to call red light energy or negative energy that's coming into the equation, and so the communication that you have in that moment will be poor as well, because you're not in your center, you're off center.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: So, really, the reason why you want to master this is because you demonstrate leadership quality when you have the ability to self-regulate.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: In truth, triggers aren't problems, they're invitations, they are mirrors to what's actually going on inside of you.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So anytime a trigger presents itself, see as an opportunity for you to grow.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Let's look at the ways which you can begin to heal those emotional triggers when they arise and they often arise in the most unsuspecting, unusual moments and maybe you're with somebody and someone gets triggered.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: This was something that happened to me and my partner recently and it caused a lot of stress and a lot of pain, but when we recognized that there was a trigger, we were able to move forwards and this was a profound empowering moment.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: You could be having this in a personal relationship, like I did, or you could be having it in a business, or you could be actually having a sporting moment where you're triggered because someone has said something and it triggers a response that makes you lose your center.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: And I like to call this method a three-part method for healing these emotional triggers.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: And the first part of the method is the awareness having the awareness that the trigger has presented itself and it is a trigger.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: The second is the pause and invitation to have a real deep look at it.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: And the third part are the practical tools for the healing and the self-regulation.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: So let's look at the first part, the awareness.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: So the cues that we need to understand about awareness is notice the moment and how you're feeling emotionally charged.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: How are you feeling?
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Are you feeling tense?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Is your heart beating really quickly?
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Is there shallow breathing?
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Say internally I'm feeling triggered right now and it's okay.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: And when you say that to yourself, what you're doing is accepting it.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: You're accepting it, which allows things to move through you, because every time you don't accept something, you push away the responsibility to heal and healing comes from feeling whole, and wholeness means that you're a creator, not a victim, and anytime you feel victimized, you're not taking ownership of the challenge or the trigger that's actually happening in the moment.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So, in order to move through it, saying that I'm feeling triggered right now and it's okay is allowing that to just sit with you, even if it feels uncomfortable.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: And, last but not least, this part of the method the first part of the awareness is to stay out the story and make zero judgment on what's happening, even if it's uncomfortable, because when we judge what's happening, we actually slow the energy for healing right down.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: So the second part of the method of healing your emotional triggers is to have moments of pause to investigate, and that means you have a moment to look at the situation rather than be in it, and when we're able to separate ourselves and look at the situation of why the trigger happens, by asking a series of good questions, we will get answers that will leave breadcrumbs to our solutions and our healing.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: And the first question you might wish to ask yourself is what's this thing really all about anyway?
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Because you might not know, because something small has triggered your response or somebody else's response.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: And when you ask that, you want to ask yourself what's this really all about?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Because usually a lot of the challenges that we have are because of an emotional tone or broadcast that we've had long before that particular moment.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So if you haven't been feeling great for a week and then suddenly something hits you and it just gets blown way out of proportion and it's a triggered moment, that's because the energy that you've been broadcasting or emanating or feeling for a week has just had the straw that's broken the camel's back and that happened to be a triggered moment.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: So by asking yourself what's this really all about, you're going to gain a great deal of clarity.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Second of all, you could ask yourself where have I felt this before?
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: That will leave amazing clues.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: And has this situation or anybody mirrored back, this feeling that I'm feeling now in another situation?
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: That would give you clarity, where you've felt like that before?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Because a triggered response is where you felt something where your needs were not met in the moment, because a lot of our core problems and challenges and wounds come from rejection and abandonment.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: These leave massive wounds and triggered responses when someone abandons us or rejects us and we don't feel great.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: So we desperately want to find a way to have control and certainty.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: But the real wounds that happen happen when a story or a situation has shown us that we're not enough, we're not safe, we're not seen, we're not being heard, we're not being acknowledged.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Because these are essential parts of our own human psyche and well-being to feel seen, heard, acknowledged which means to be seen, heard and loved, essentially.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: And when we're welcomed like that, we feel whole, and when we don't, we become triggered.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: So taking time to have pause and investigation by asking a series of good questions will let you know why the trigger has happened in the first place.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: So let's look at some practical tools you can heal those triggers with.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: The first is to understand what's actually happening to your nervous system.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Your nervous system has been disrupted because you've been triggered, which means there's a stress response.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Usually, when we've got a stress response from a trigger, we begin to breathe really in a shallow manner and we can change that and reset the system reboot the system, if you will, by changing the way we breathe, and a really simple practical tool that you could do is breathe in for four.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Then a really simple practical tool that you could do is breathe in for four, hold for four and exhale between six and eight seconds, and if you do this for about five to ten rounds, you begin to reset your nervous system, which means you begin to see the green lights again.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: That heavy stress response begins to dwindle.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: You begin to feel in your center again.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Now it's really important that you do this, because this self-regulation helps you see the green lights again Not immediately, but it's going to begin to regulate that nervous system.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: So breathe in for four, hold for four and exhale between six and eight seconds, however good your lung capacity is, because when you exhale for longer than you inhale, what it's actually doing is it's calming the nervous system and I've been breathing and doing breathing meditations for over 20 years and even when I get a trigger response, I notice that the breath is the first thing you need to go to Now.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: The second practical healing tool that you can utilize is grounding, and grounding is just getting a part of your body in touch with the earth.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's your feet on the sand, maybe you're lying down on the sand or just walking on the earth and spending a fair amount of time in nature, particularly exposed and touching nature with your flesh, because what's actually happening is you're picking up negative ions, and those negative ions is boosting serotonin and reducing cortisol.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: So anytime you are immersed and communicating with nature, it grounds you and brings you back to the earth element, which means you're out of your mind, because every trigger response is in the mind and what you actually need to do every time you're triggered is come back down into the body, and one of the best ways you can do that is by grounding and earthing.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I recently had a challenge with my partner, so we decided that we'd meet at the beach.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: What a wonderful place to have a healing conversation at the beach, because we're both grounded.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: So anytime we've had a trouble in the past, we've always gone to the beach to have a conversation and we've always come out feeling better and reconnected, and so grounding helps you get out of your head and back into your body, in touch and in harmony with the earth again, because usually what happens is the frequency of your brain when you're stressed is different to the frequency of the earth and that creates a lot of stress.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: And every time we come back into nature we reconnect with our true signature, our true frequency signature, our true frequency.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: So the more time you spend in nature, grounding, earthing, being in the sea or being in the parks, it's very powerful for you to be able to make better choices, lead better and make better decisions but, more importantly, communicate better.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: So grounding is a very, very powerful way that you can begin to heal those traumas and triggers and see things perhaps with a new perspective, because grounding essentially brings you back into the present moment.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Now, the last but not least, and one of my favorite techniques is from a book by Dr David Hawkins and it's called Letting Go.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Now, I've read this book so many times and I love to come back to it because it's so powerful and transformative and it's a deep tool, and what it asks of you is, when any feeling arises, such as anger, guilt, fear, shame.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: What it asks you to do is accept it, not resist it.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: It asks you to just sit with it, watch it, observe it, but do not judge it.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: And what he says is, if you do this, that emotion begins to dissolve, which means it can't come back again.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: You've dissolved it back to where it came from.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: So, wherever that story, that feeling that brought up that uncomfortable feeling, it just asks you to watch it, observe it and sit with it and eventually it will dissolve.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: It asks you to drop any stories, any judgment, but just sit with that uncomfortable feeling.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: So if you're feeling anger, just let it sit there, watch it, don't judge it, don't ask where it came from, but just let it and eventually it will subside.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Because he believes that thoughts are like emotions and waves, so that they can come in like an ebb and they can flow out.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: But when you don't try to push it away, it goes out naturally by itself.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Dr Hawkins says it's really not about trying to fix the trigger or that emotion, it's just about releasing resistance to it when it arises.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: And he says most people won't really heal because most people won't really feel fully.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: So the next practical healing tool that I really enjoy is called reframing, and reframing is just asking yourself what's this trying to show me?
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: What do I need to learn here?
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: And instead of coming from a victim mentality why is this happening to me you want to ask yourself what's this actually trying to show me?
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: That I haven't learned yet?
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: This becomes a really powerful stage where you can turn into the creator of your experience, rather than the reactive victim.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Now, what I've shared with you so far are some really powerful, practical healing tools.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: When emotional triggers come and when they come, they're very overwhelming they can cause what I call a bit of a malfunction.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Some triggers that present themselves actually require us to have a great deal of space, not just introspection, because sometimes space allows us to reset our nervous system.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're going to need to sleep more, maybe you're going to spend a lot more time in nature, because self-care allows us to come back stronger, and the more conscious you are as a human being when a trigger presents itself, you're going to be able to rewire that nervous system more quickly when you notice a trigger, and this is really powerful.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Now, I'm not asking anybody to be perfect here, but anytime a trigger comes up, what are you going to do about it?
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Are you going to witness it or are you going to turn into the victim?
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Because this is really important Anytime a trigger presents itself, it's an opportunity for you to grow as a human being.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: In fact, usually in loving, romantic, intimate relationships, the triggers that are presented from one partner to the next are one of the greatest callings to love, and if someone's willing to do the work, you're in the right relationship.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: But if you're not, perhaps you need to move on, because your personal peace is so important.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: And what's important about learning how to master your emotional triggers is that it actually helps you become a calmer, more grounded human being, and that's a lot of the practical tools that we've mentioned today the grounding, the breathing.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: When you can become calmer, you can lead greater and you can lead more people by making better choices and better decision making.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: And you become more magnetic, because calm is a superpower, and you become more magnetic.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Lots of people love to hang around calm, grounded energy, because it feels like home.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: So next time a trigger comes up, what are you going to do about it and can you learn from it?
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Can you learn how to reset your nervous system, and I've shared with you all the ways you can do that today.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to give you a little challenge this week.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: If a trigger arises, pause, breathe and do that letting go technique by David Hawkins, which is allow the emotion to come up, don't judge it, sit with it until it dissolves by itself.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: You don't judge it, you don't look at it, you don't try and play a story with it.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: You just allow that feeling to come up and let it go and let it dissolve naturally by itself.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Because when you don't resist that feeling, you're able to feel more fully.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: That makes you more powerful.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: And the other thing you could do is, when a trigger comes up, they're able to feel more fully.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: That makes you more powerful.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: And the other thing you could do is, when a trigger comes up, they're saying what's it trying to teach me?
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: What's the mirror here?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: What can I learn from this experience?
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Because this puts you back in the driving seat of your life rather than being reactive.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Because the more we can demonstrate that we can respond, which is conscious, rather than react, which is unconscious, we become more evolved human beings.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: And the more evolved you become, the more green lights you get to see in life, and that is when we create a new earth around us and your life will be so much more rewarding and satisfying in your personal relationships because you have done the work.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: You have dealt with some of those old unconscious stories that have created pain that you've never had a look at, and when you actually look at them and let them go, you become way happier.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: And happiness isn't something that you just have by yourself, it's something that you share with others.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: So anytime you've dealt with any triggers, you become a better version of yourself.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: So I hope you've enjoyed this episode and I hope you can take away some of those practical tools this week, because every time you begin to work on you and improve you, you leave the world a better place because of your energy.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: So until the next episode, I wish you a wonderful week ahead and green lights all the way.