Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / I cheated... 💔

Transcript

I cheated... 💔 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoday production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: land on which we gathered today and pay our respects
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today. Welcome
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: up together.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Let's go deep, let.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and Glow.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow and
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: we're here to be your expander.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: Hey everybody, and welcome back to Grow and Today's episodes.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: A little bit juicy.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: We actually had one of our community members in our
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: private Facebook forum right in for some advice, and she
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: asked us for our best kind of advice, and I
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: screenshot a incident to Kiara, and I was like, I
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: feel like this could be a really cool one to
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: unpack on the potty.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, all about.
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  Speaker 1: Her relationship and her cheating and how she's navigating the
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: aftermath of that. So we're actually going to unpack that
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: on the episode, read it all out what she said,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: and give our best advice.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: So before we get into that, though, we've got share
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: of the week. What's yours? Okay, So this is a
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: bit of a story. Love your stories.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: So kurn I went on a little getaway last week,
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: which was so exciting that two of us kid free
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: a couple nights away. It was so much fun. Whenever
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: we go away or like, if I go out somewhere
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: really nice, I like to treat myself when I got
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: my nails done, Oh I love it. I never usually
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: get my nails done, and I like to pack one
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: row of clipping extensions to give me a bit more
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: fullness of my hair. So anyways, my extensions are super
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: duper blonde. My hair right now is not is not.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like a dark dirty blonde. That's sad,
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: very similar. Actually, I ordered a set but they weren't
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: here on time. That was right color. So I was like,
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna try die these ones to get me through.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: Put hair dye in it. They turned green.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: So when you dye hair from blonde to brunette, normally
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: what they do is they put a red in between
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: when you go to the hairdressers as like a filler.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Okay ka, I didn't know this so I have these
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: green as extensions and I was like, oh, I really
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: want to bring them.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: What can I do?
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Jumped on good old Google. So if anyone's struggling with
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: green hair, I've got.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: You tomato sauces.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: It soaked my extensions in tomato sauce for an hour,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: and I was like, I don't know what this is
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  Speaker 2: gonna do.
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  Speaker 3: Is it gonna work?
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: Wash them out? I had to wash them like three
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: times and it worked. They were the perfect color, but
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I will say they still sink like tomato sauce.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: They smell a smell.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: But I've got new ones coming, so I'm like, it's
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: okay shampoo. After I washed them three times, bab and
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: like different ones, like really nice smelling ones, I was like, oh,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: the tomato scent is strong. Yeah.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: When I was younger and used to swim heaps and
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: just had naturally really blonde hair as a little girl,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I used to go so green and used to put
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: sauce in it. Yeah, there's something else that does it too.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: There's something else weird that gets rid of chlorine.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: But it's a good idea for the kids.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Hey, so goodwh oh my goodness. My recommendation this week
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: is the Ninja creamy. Oh yes, I've seen you using that,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: absolutely loving it. I think it's pretty well priced. I
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: paid two sixty nine, I think, but I've seen specials
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: for them, like two hundred dollars whatever. But basically, if
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: you love really thick smoothies, if you love the texture
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: of ice cream, you can create any kind of recipe
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: that you like. I must say it's taken me a
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: couple of goes to really get the right consistency. And
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I have done ones with just like alma milk and
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: like protein powdered to have like frozen protein ice cream,
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: and it's good, but it's more like a thick smoothie bowl,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: whereas when I have like half coconut cream half arm
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: of milk, it's much more creamier texture, full coconut creams
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: like thick moosy, but coconut is quite heavy. Yeah I
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: can't have Yeah, I kind of have a lot of it.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: It sits heavy on my tummy, so like mixing it.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: But I made the most delicious bisk of vanilla one
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: yea absolute favorites on my TikTok, so yummy. And I've
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: made fruit ones where you just add like tins of
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: fruit or even just the juices from the tin or
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: a little bit of coconut water.
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  Speaker 3: It's so yummy.
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  Speaker 2: I've been making some with my blender. I've got this
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: like blender at home. I didn't realize it's got like
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: soups this, that, and it's got like ice creams.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: I've started doing it now as well.
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  Speaker 3: And yeh yeah, so good, so cool. Hey, the only
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: thing with the ninja is it's so loud.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: And if you watch TikTok videos, everyone says the same
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: thing like obnoxious, so crazy.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: Loud, Like a blend is loud. This is probably three
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: times louder. Yeah, okay, yeah, and not say all right, okay,
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: we get into.
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  Speaker 1: It should Yeah all right. So, as I said before,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: we had this beautiful woman write in and wanting some
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: besty advice from Kiara and I, So we're gonna unpack
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: it today.
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  Speaker 3: So we're actually going to read.
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  Speaker 1: Out what has happened, and then we'll go back and
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: kind of pick it up ups by now, Kiara and
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I have not discussed this prior because we wanted our
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: authentic responses as what we would actually do, and we
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: could have totally different perspectives.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: And advice I haven't even read it yet, and.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Once again, we're not therapists, we're not relationship experts. We're
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: not saying to do what we say. This is literally
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: two bessies on a couch like having a conversation because
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: it was requested.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I just want to put that out there. Yes, good disclaimer. Yeah, morning,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: growing globe community. I hope you all have a beautiful day.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: I'm reaching out for some supportive advice please hopefully without judgment,
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: but would love your honest support, especially if you can
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: relate or have gone through it yourself. I started the
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: year off ready to kick some goals by starting off
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: with the Healing Journal.
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  Speaker 1: All my goals aligned. Then bam. I haven't opened it since.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I was in a long term relationship for seven years
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: and it came to an end quickly. Our relationship was
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: lacking many things such as communication, touch, fun, sex. It
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: was down to once or twice a week, attention, and more.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I suppose we kind of just got stuck for a routine.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Silly enough, someone gave me the attention that I was
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: craving and I cheated. Two days later, I separated from
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: my partner. I just knew if I could do that
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: to him. I don't deserve to be with him, and
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: he deserves better. He is the most beautiful human. And
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: the guilt came rolling in, of course, about a month
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  Speaker 1: after separation. I told him about the one time cheating
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: while still hanging out.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: With this other person. Also, oh, so she's actually broken.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Up with him without telling him she's cheated, and then
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: she's gone back a month later and said I cheated.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Not sure whether I'm still hanging out with this other
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: person because they're giving me the things that we were
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: lacking in my relationship, or if it's because it's new
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: and exciting and fun again, or if I'm lonely. But
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: this other person already has children and all the things
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: that I dreamt of having and doing with my ex partner.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Now I can't stop thinking about my ex partner and
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: all the things that could have been fixed if we
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: just put in the work. I can't stop imagining all
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: of our life goals plans and all the things we
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: wanted to do and make doing all of our first
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: together like children and marriage and more traveling. And then
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: the guilt hits me again, and I feel so awful,
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: and worst of all, I went completely against my own
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: morals and beliefs by doing this to him. So not
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: only do I feel absolutely like the most horrible person
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: in the world, but I'm hating myself for going against
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: my own beliefs and morals and I feel so goddamn stuck.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Oh hell, I just want to give her a big cud.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: All same, everyone makes mistakes.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I have so much compassion for her. It really saddens
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: me to hear how much guilt and shame she's carrying.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: And it's totally valid. Like if I was to do
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: that to Steve, I would feel so ashamed because it
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: goes against my morals and values as well.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: But from an outside.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: First of all, like have compassion for yourself. You're a
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: human and guess what humans have needs and desires and
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: over whether it's a short period of time, but especially
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: if it's over a long extended period of time, Like
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: if you're not getting your needs mat then you I'm
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: definitely going to be drawn and desire that outside of
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: where you're not getting it. Yeah, maybe you didn't do
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: the work, Maybe you didn't know how, Maybe he wasn't
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: wanting to do the work with you. Maybe you didn't
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: know how to communicate that. Maybe you were scared. Like
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: there's so many layers as to why you guys didn't
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: do the work and how and why this played out.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you know, it's like we always say
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: that the way we look at other people and whole
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: compassion for them, we need to hold that same compassion
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: for ourselves. And I can hear just by the way
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: you reading that she's written it, how much shame and
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: guilt she's holding onto. And yeah, I just hope that
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: you can see that you are only human. And it
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: sounds like she's taken accountability and responsibility and trying to
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: move forward and navigate through this and really like that's
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: all you can do, so you should be proud of
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: all the little steps.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: That you're taking.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Life isn't always sunshine and roses, and we go through
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: these hard times.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's also not black or white, like it's
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: just not wrong or right. Relationships just don't.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: Work like that. No, And I don't know if you've
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: heard of the seven year itch, No.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: Not seven years.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've heard of this, the three year.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: In the seven year, I think three is like you're
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: kind of out of that honeymoon stage and you're like
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: probably living together and you've seen the moods and you've
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: seen the habits, and then the seven years very very
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: common because you're really stuck in a routine, you've been
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: through some shit together. Now, there's probably some built up
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: resentment and some things that haven't been spoken about, and
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: the fund's kind of worn off, and it's quite a
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: common time that people go through a hard time and
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: sometimes split. All things like this happen. So it's just
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: interesting because you said it was seven years, let's rewind.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: I mean, definitely open your journal again. That will really help.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: But you've said in here, I'm not sure whether I'm
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: still hanging out with this person because they're giving me
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: the things that we were lacking in my relationship, or
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: because it's new, exciting and fun again, or if I'm lonely.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, only you can answer that. But if I
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: was to assume, I think it's a mix of all
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: of them. And like I said, humans have needs. But
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: if I was ever to be in a situation like this,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: or if you were my best friend, the main piece
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: of advice I would be giving is to take a
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: step back and spend so much time being solo, because
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: if you are with a new partner. I'm sure it's
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: fun and exciting, and I'm sure you're having great sex,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: and I'm sure it's fulfilling a need, which is totally valid,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: but it's also probably numbing out and distracting from what
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: needs to come up for you and what needs to
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: be healed. And if you don't do this healing now,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: you could go into your next relationship and the same
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: patterns will happen again and the same shit will come up,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: and that guilt and shame is not going anywhere, even
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: if you're kind of park it to the side over here.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Why this is all fun and exciting, it is going
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: to come out, and if you don't deal that, you
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: could come out and things like anxiety or sleep disorders
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: or food addictions or numbing out through socials. Like we've
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: spoken about this before. So I would take a huge
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: step back and just spend a lot of time solo,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: even getting some support like a coach or a therapist
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: to really help you unpack this. But just take your
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: time and be gentle with yourself and just allow that time.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: Because you've been with someone for so long, like, do
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: you even know who you are without him?
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: Do you know what you are?
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: You know what you're desiring a relationship, and you know,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know if there's also an opportunity to reconnect
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: with your ex, but maybe it's a chance for you
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: to check in.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: A few guys were.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Even aligned and on the white path and like we're
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: growing together. Is it something you were on that same
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: wavelength and the same vibration because people grow apart.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: Definitely, and I couldn't agree more with taking a step back.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what I was thinking as well, just to
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: gain clarity. You've literally still been in a relationship and
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: been with this guy, so you've had no time to
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: even digest what you have just gone through with your ex.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: When you've broken up. You haven't actually sat back and
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: had time to think if it's what you want or not.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Because you've gone straight from one to another. There's been
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: no in between time to adjust from one to that.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: So if you keep going the way that you're going
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: and hanging out with this new person, you're always going
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: to be stuck in the unknown. You need to get
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: really clear on what you are wanting. So the best
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: thing to do is step back from everyone, have the
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: time to yourself and to ask yourself those questions and
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: really get clear on it, because if you just jump
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: straight from this and there's this new partner that's for
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: filling all these needs, but you're still not sure, you're
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: always gonna wonder what if, or you know, if it
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: was the right choice. So I definitely think it's by
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: the sounds of it, there's so much more clarity that
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: you need to gain by taking a step back from
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: everyone ondred percent.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: And if you go into a new relationship wanting them
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: to fill the voids and you haven't done that healing
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: by yourself, it's just it's almost not the best foundation
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: to start on a relationship. You want to be so
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: okay on your own and so in love with yourself
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: and your life and support yourself and have your own
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: back so that when someone else comes in, it's like
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: this added bonus. There's no codependency, there's no them filling
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: the void. It's just like overflow to each other, if
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: that makes sense. So that's once again, if you don't
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: take that time, you will just go for that person.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: They might tick these boxes, but then you might be
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: rushing into that to get those needs that you want
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: right now, but there might be some other really important
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: foundational needs and desires that you want that you haven't
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: even taken the time to learn about. So you'll end
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: up in the same situation in three, five, six, seven
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: years time and they're not getting met. It's like, oh
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: my gosh, here I am again. I mean the same situation.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: I've attracted the same kind of man or the same
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: situation because I didn't do that work. I didn't learn,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: I didn't make a conscious decision. I just jumped into
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: something because I felt good in the moment.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: And I also feel like the chapter with your husband
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: really needs to be closed before opening a new chapter
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: with someone else. I feel like, by the sounds of it,
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: broke up really quickly and then left and then let
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: them know about the cheating a month later, Like has
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: there been big conversations around this, That's what's going to
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: really help to lift that shame and guilt as well.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: To let him understand and chat to him about it
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: and let him know where you're coming from, so then
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: he can hold compassion for you and you can hold
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: compassion for yourself. And actually ending the chapter and closing
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: it and knowing that's where it's going to be, or
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: could do a four point eighty, he might go, wow,
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: I really understand why you did that, Like, how can
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: we move forward?
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: For us?
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: But until you decide to close that chapter and actually
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: have those hard conversations and you know, finish this off
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: before starting some fresh I think it's going to be
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: really confusing.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so so true.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: On that note, if you go to him wanting to
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: have these uncomfortable hard conversations to help him understand where
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: you're coming from and for you to understand where he's
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: coming from. If he doesn't want to, that's also okay.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: He might not be ready, he might be hurting too much,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: it might be too raw. It doesn't mean that you
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: can't do your part. And if he doesn't have the conversation,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: that's where I really love a good burning ceremony where
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: you like get everything out on paper and burn it
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and let it go. Because even though he might not
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: forgive you, you can't live your life holding onto that
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: you actually have to forgive yourself.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: That's where it all begins. You do not want to
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: live a life or.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: You're carrying around a big bag of gil and shamee
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: because it's the lowest vibrational frequency to be on. So
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: part of that healing is for you to let go
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: and for you to have that compassion for yourself and
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: to understand why you did the things that you did,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: even win against the grain, even though went against all
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: your morals and values, like forgive yourself. And if your
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: best friend was going through this, like if one of
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: us was coming to you about you'd probably have so
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: much understanding and be like, oh, maybe it's because of this,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's because of that, Like have that same internal
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: conversation with yourself and get it down on paper and
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: burn it and let it go. And hopefully, I feel
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: like conversations can be so healing. I really hope that
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: he would be open to having those conversations. And you
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: could always get a mediator if you guys feel super dysregulated.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: And obviously I don't know you both, but if one
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: is likely to be reactive or not here, having a
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: mediator instantly like opens up more space to both people
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: be heard and seen and have someone else have a
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: different perspective or break it down, Like if your partner's
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: not understanding something, the mediator could be a relationship coach
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: or a counselor could then break it down in a
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: way that they do understand.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that can.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: Be really helpful help with a communication.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: If you're not getting back together. Just to clear that
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: energetically for both of you would be so beautiful.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think you both just need probably a
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: little bit of time, Like it sounds like everything's just
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: moved so fast, like no one's even stopped to like
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: feel the depths of what's going on. Because that's huge,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: having a seven year relationship with someone and building a
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: life together and then it all just changing so quickly.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's huge. Massive. Add one more thing on top
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: of that.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: If he's not open to conversations, I think you need
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: to do that healing with yourself. I think you could
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: still write them a beautiful letter, and that's a way
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: that he can open that whenever he's ready, he can
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: process that however he likes to. He can do with
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: that letter whatever he chooses, but you being able to
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: express to him exactly what you were feeling. Not blaming
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: because he's just going to get his wall up then
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: and he's going to feel shit after what's happened to him,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: but just really owning your part and expressing how you
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: felt in those moments leading up to it, what wasn't
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: being met and how you guys could have done things differently,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: you know, and really deeply, genuinely apologize. I think that
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: will help you let go and it will help him
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: feel seen and heard and validated for him to be
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: able to let go and talk or either move forward.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: And in the back of your journal there's a letters
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: there too.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: There is actually about Yeah, they're right there, they're right
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: there with your girlfriend definitely, is anything else you want
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: to add on to that?
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing is open the journal back
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: up and take time to like for yourself, like really
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: spend time with yourself. Don't keep yourself busy, because it'll come.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: Back and it'll bite you in the part later.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: You need to feel the feels, validate your feelings. There's
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: just so much there. There's so many levels to all
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: of this. So I really hope that you just take
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: the time that you need to really get in touch
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: with what feels right for you and how you want to.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: Move forward one hundred percent.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Well, bestie, I hope that's really helped you. Yeah, it's
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: a tough situation to be in and yeah, we definitely
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: do not judge.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: I know, at the start. You were really worried about judgment.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Opening up, and I think she posted anominously as well. Yeah,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: but yeah, we definitely do not judge here. I think
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: it's just not black and white. I just don't think
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: it's that easy and that's simple.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: And another thing as well, is like, this is a
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: perfect time for you to lean on other people if
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: you don't feel like you really know where to start
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: too much, Like you know you've got the journal, but
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: I know you said you don't know if you're ready
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: to open it back up again. Go see a coach,
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Go see a therapist, talk it out, reach out for support. Yeah,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: it's just not black and And I remember when my
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: stepdad cheated on my mum. I was so angry and
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: it was just like, you just don't cheat. Like, in
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: my head, it's like that is wrong. And I had
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: that belief for so many years until I did my
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: first course with Tony Robbins and learned so much more
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: about why people do the things that they do, and
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: about needs and about desires, and about relationships and how
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: complex they really really are.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: And it really.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Helped me come from a place of understanding that all
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: of us have needs and desires and over a period
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: of time, if they're not getting met it's only natural
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: instinct to want that and to be drawn into that
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: and to go after that. And that's where I think
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: you can have that understanding for yourself that you are
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: human and you made a mistake, but there's reasons and
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: layers as to how it led you to that exact
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: time with that new person.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: Ps.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: You can't swing to your next branch whilst holding onto
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: the old branch. So think about this picture literally a
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: monkey that's swinging from branch to branch. Like if you
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: have this old life, this old relationship, this old whatever,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: and you're hanging onto that branch and you want to
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: step into your new life and you want to let go, like,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: you literally can't move forward if you're hanging onto your
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: old class and your old self. So if you want
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: change and you want to evolve and step, you literally
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: have to let go of those old versions of you,
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: those old relationships, whatever's not serving. You literally have to
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: let go of the branch and grab onto the new one.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: And this is huge for today's episode because by the
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: sounds of that, she's not ready to let go.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: No.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: And then if you're hanging on to the new one
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: and the old one. Guess what's happening? You just dream
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: going around like literally hanging there doing what you're kind
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: of living in the past, sitting here now feeling frustrated,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: worried about the future, and you're just like swinging back
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: and forth. That doesn't feel good. We need to be
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: progressing forward. If we don't progress forward, we feel dead
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: inside and neither let go of one branch. Are you
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: going to let go of this branch? Or are you
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: going to let go of that branch? Yeah?
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Wow, it's very topical.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Ps ps be the woman you need it as a girl.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: So right now, all these feelings that you were feeling,
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: be that woman for yourself that you needed as a girl.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: I love that in a child work. Yeah beautiful.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us, guys, And if there's
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: anyone else out there that would like us to unpack
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: an episode like this, we would absolutely love to. You
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: just need to post it onto our private Facebook forum,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: So just search Grow and Glow on Facebook and add
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: yourself in there. You can post it anonymously. But yeah,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: we'd love to do more episodes like this. Yeah, we
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: used to do ones called sticky Situations. Yes, but then
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: when we went to continue on, we just found a
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: lot of them are quite similar.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: Yes, that's right.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I love some really different examples of things that we
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: haven't really spoken about before. To make sure we're not
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: repeating content.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: And if it's in.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Depth, it's great, Like she kind of went into a
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: bit more detailed, whereas some of them were like really short.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: That's right, we didn't have enough context.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, we actually recorded quite a few episodes and I
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, but does she mean this or did
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: this happen? Like it was really hard to dissect when
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: we didn't have enough information.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: So the more info the better. Yes, And we can't
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: see your name, so yeah, it's anonymous. Yeah, Yeah, it's
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: a judgment free.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent. Definitely. We're very open minded here. It's
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: just as I said three times, it's not black and white. No.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: Oh, thanks so much for joining us.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: If you haven't already, please hit that subscribe button or
• 21:16
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• 21:18
  Speaker 1: help a friend that's going through something similar, share it
• 21:21
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• 21:23
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• 21:26
  Speaker 1: allows us to continue.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: To do this so really appreciate it.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Thanks so much, guys, Bye bye,