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Is Venting Healthy? The Surprising Truth About Anger · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing marriage well for May 25, 2026. Is venting healthy? The surprising truth about anger.
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  I have a growing collection of bits that don't warrant a full week,
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  so I'm going to do those this week.
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  To kick things off, let's talk about venting.
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  Most of us have vented, and most of us have listened as our spouse vented.
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  We think it helps, like releasing steam from a pressure cooker so it doesn't
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  explode. It's cathartic. It helps us get it out of our system.
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  Only, it doesn't. A growing number of studies find venting does nothing to reduce anger.
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  Rather, it keeps us in fight-or-flight mode, which stresses our body and keeps
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  inhibiting our ability to think clearly.
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  I should make an important distinction here. Reflection can help us understand
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  why we got angry and can point to underlying issues in us that we need to address.
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  Additionally, reflection with another person can provide emotional validation,
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  an important step towards processing emotions in a healthy way.
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  Venting, however, goes beyond reflection. It's reliving, rehearsing, and rumination.
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  It may be an effort to get someone to tell us our anger is okay.
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  It's looking to justify something that is unhealthy, if not wrong.
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  The effective way to reduce anger is to engage in activities that decrease arousal levels.
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  Breathing exercises are one good option for reducing anger or frustration. A long hug is another.
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  Going for a run, however, is a bad choice. Because it increases arousal,
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  it can actually make you angrier.
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  Likewise for screaming or hitting a punching bag.
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  On the other hand, a slow walk, especially with your spouse,
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  is good if you don't talk about what upsets you.
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  Or walk your dog, or stroll through nature.
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  If this situation is something that requires a response from you,
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  calming down first will help you see more clearly, and that can only help.
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  Finally, as a marriage issue, don't ask or expect your husband or wife to validate your anger.
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  Instead, ask them to help you calm down and deal with things from that place.
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  Venting to or around your spouse can upset or hurt them.
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  This is Paul, and using your spouse as a verbal punching bag is not doing marriage well.