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The Mother You Become: Grief, Growth and Gut-Knowing with Victoria Nielsen · Bump + Thrive

• Lauren Seib: Miss Victoria Nielsen. What's going on, girl? Victoria Nielsen: Hi girlfriend. I'm so excited to talk like identity shift in motherhood and really the shackles that we sometimes place upon ourselves when all of a sudden we get this label of mother. And I know you feel that way too. Lauren Seib: ⁓ 100%. I think that, you know, self-discovery really did start for me after becoming a mom to my first. ⁓ I didn't really know or trust in myself a lot. ⁓ I feel like I kind of just went with like the status quo of like, ⁓ I'm supposed to do this. I you and I worked together back in the day in publishing, and here's like, ⁓ I'm just supposed to kind of climb this ladder and here's what I'm supposed to do next. And it wasn't until I became a mom. I like, all right, I think that's actually not me, or I wanna kind of shake things up a little bit. And that's what you do for a living. So I'm stoked for to talk about this with you. Victoria Nielsen: That's it. Yeah, because I truly believe with every child you're reborn. Like, yes, you're birthing a baby, but you're also birthing yourself. And I was just like you, where I thought climbing the corporate ladder was what I wanted. And my oldest Sebastian came along and I just started questioning absolutely everything. But I was still so insecure that of course I followed like all the directions from all the mommy bloggers and all the things. And like it made me more anxious. It made me more tired. It made me more upset. And then finally having a second child, I was like, ⁓ yeah, I'm gonna throw all that shit out the window. Like I I know what to do and my intuition is gonna guide me. And I know sometimes moms don't feel like that turns on for them, but it does. I promise you. Like you're just not looking for the signs or you're too busy trying to be what you think you should be. Lauren Seib: Mmm, can we like I don't know, like I need like a round of applause for that last line right there? Like, can we highlight that? Can we put that on a billboard somewhere? Because I think that's such an important, you know, we there's kind of like our own moms, right? Like we have our mommy mentors maybe around us. I work with a lot of women who are kind of that next stage ⁓ ahead of me. And so I have these people that I'm like, ⁓ I should do this, I should do that. But Perfect example, like my son started hockey camp this week, which I was like so excited about. It's like fulfilling my dreams. But I was like the average person I feel like around me, I'm like, ⁓ go throw him on the ice, you'll be good. I'm like, no, but my kid actually needs like two weeks ahead of time to go out on the ice with like a boy that's like cool. to show him the ropes and like cause mommy's not cool. Like I played hockey but he doesn't want to do it with me. So I kinda had this like shake up myself, I feel like I was like, all right, I need to get him, set him up for success. What does that mean? What does that look like? And I feel like some people thought I was batshit crazy. But like Victoria Nielsen: ⁓ my God, I can't wait for people to just be like, You're nuts. And I'll be like, I don't care. But like I feel like it almost takes Yes. It almost takes that second kid though. Like the first one is really hard because you don't you don't know what you don't know. And so like I also think I actually I know I had postpartum anxiety and didn't even realize it because it wasn't really talked about. Like people do talk about postpartum depression, like and you have people like Hayden Penettier who rest in peace passed this week that Lauren Seib: Correct. I I know what my kid needs, right? Mm-hmm. Victoria Nielsen: I feel like it was beautiful advocate for that. But the postpartum anxiety piece like doesn't get talked about. But I remember like going and and like checking his breaths and being like, is he still breathing? Like I have no idea. And it wasn't until I was like out of the fog of like new babyhood that I could look back and be like, damn, like I was really anxious about everything. Lauren Seib: I was remember I remember being scared about walking down the stairs holding her. I was like, I'm gonna trip. I'm gonna trip and I'm gonna fall. And I had this like moment of like, if I fall, which way is the best way? Do I go back? You don't wanna go forward because you're gonna crush her. I'm like, the anxiety I don't know. Victoria Nielsen: This Why do my brains think this? I had the same thing. I was like, ⁓ I'm gonna fall and like throw him over the banister. What the fuck? Like, what? Lauren Seib: I know. And I used to log every fucking diaper, every ounce that came out of each boob. The second kit comes along, first of all, you don't have time for it. But secondly, you're like, the first one did great. Do I did I need to log everything? They they did fine, right? Victoria Nielsen: They didn't die, so That's so funny. I was the same. I had an app and it was like all of the ounces and the wake windows and like I wanted to follow all of the rules. I will say I can see it in my son now who has anxiety, who still wakes up at 7 a.m. Because I used to wake him up at 7 a.m. Because that's what all the baby books said. Okay. Moms, if you're a new mom listening, please don't do that. Let your child sleep until they want to get up. Because they will continue. Like Sebastian is up between 6 and 7 a.m. Lauren Seib: Are you? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. No, welcome to sleep. Victoria Nielsen: Every single day. And I know that's because I used to wake him up. And I also know like he felt my anxiety. Like, and my second child is definitely more of a space cadet. That was like when I was like really into my Kundalini yoga and meditation. And I'm like, no wonder. Like I was always meditating with you in my belly. Whereas like with Sebastian, I'd had a miscarriage before him, but like I was anxious that entire pregnancy. And like that translated, you know, into like who he is as a person now. Lauren Seib: Crazy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's interesting because I had REMI during COVID, so I was definitely a lot more anxious during that time. and it's funny 'cause I have myself a ton of separation anxiety. I had it as a kid. Like I'm better now, obviously, but It's funny because she still has we can't do drop-offs with her. I mean today she had her second day of kindergarten readiness. She's going to kindergarten next week and my husband and I had a huge conversation. Like, what are we gonna do next week? Because she physically almost like gets ill. She like freaks out. I have to go to the bathroom, like all these problems. Just dropping her off and she's a social c she's great in every other capacity, but the the drop-off situation is really, really hard. And I think about that all the time because I'm like, what did I do in utero while she's in utero? That was like Victoria Nielsen: But also the COVID kids are different. Like Sebastian was a COVID kid. He was only three months old. So like also he has a lot of separation anxiety, to be honest, like especially with my husband, because we were with him 24 7 until he was 18 months. And then gosh, when I did take him to like a daycare place at 18 months, I can still see like the pictures they used to send of him. He was always in the corner, like wide-eyed. Lauren Seib: Are different. Mm-hmm. Really. Yeah. ⁓ no. Yeah. Victoria Nielsen: You know, like like what is happening? And like that was like a knock-out school for him. Like that's a whole nother thing. But truly, like that matters and it affected them. And like I think it's gonna affect them. I mean, hopefully not for the rest of their lives, but definitely part of their young lives. So like I also wanna stress that like yes, your mental health and all of that matters while you're pregnant, but like so many environmental stressors and things like matter too that we don't think about or that we can't really see like the implications of until much later. So it's not on you like mama entirely. Like, you know, give yourself that permission that like it's okay. Lauren Seib: Yeah. Yeah. Well, with that being said, like moms, I feel like we're all drowning in advice, right? Like from how to birth and feed and sleep train and discipline and work, I mean exercise, literally everything. So how the hell do we learn to hear like our own voice? I know this is something you specialize in. ⁓ how do we learn to kind of tap into our own inner voice underneath all that noise? You're you've been talking about it before with the sleep training stuff. Victoria Nielsen: Yes, it's so important. Yeah, exactly. No, but it's it's so important. And, you know, first and foremost, you A have to like get yourself out of the noise. So if that means like you get out of the mommy chat, you stop checking all these things, like that's the first step because we're inundated with so much information. And of course you're gonna go looking for it because you wanna self soothe, right? You wanna know that someone knows the right answer. Mama, there is no right answer. Every child is different. Every mom and child relationship is different. You are different. But the thing that comes first and foremost that I tell my clients is always mommy. Mommy comes first. And that's like not been taught in society. And so that might mean that like you need to take a breather. You need to take some space by yourself. You need to actually like quiet the mind. And I know the thought of like meditation with you know little kids running around might seem crazy to you, but As simple as doing it's called an inner voice breath where you inhale in through your nose nice and slow and then exhale out your mouth nice and slow. Longer than you think you need. Even just doing this five minutes a day, and then waiting until those five minutes are done to say, okay, what's the decision I want to make today? What feels right to me? It's a muscle. It's a muscle that we haven't really flexed as women in society. You know, this innate knowing that we all carry. Our grandmothers used to abide by it and slowly through modern society, like we just don't listen to it anymore. We get t called witchy or weird. But every single woman has this innate knowing and you know what's best for yourself and your kids. So starting to flex that muscle is is the first step. And then you can start, you know, standing up to the people that are trying to give you all the advice. And then you can be the one to advocate for yourself and your kids. But it starts with you first and it really starts internally. Lauren Seib: that. So in terms of like the difference between like an I'm overwhelmed and need a break and like something genuinely not fitting anymore, how can you distinguish that difference? Victoria Nielsen: So you will feel it through your senses. Your intuition speaks to you through your five senses. So for some women, it's gonna be a gut feeling that you're just like, something doesn't feel right. For me, I have a knowing where, like, it's just like this knowing in my body. Like, for example, today, as we're trying for baby number three, I'm like, my body feels too acidic. Like, I need to start eating some more alkaline foods. Someone might tell me, like, what the fuck? What? No, you're fine. Lauren Seib: Hmm. Victoria Nielsen: Some little voice inside said that, and I'm gonna follow it because it's never steered me wrong in the past, right? Some women have a bit more of an auditory intuition. So, like you can hear bells and things like that, but also maybe you hear guidance in song lyrics. Maybe you hear guidance in ⁓ the words of another woman. ⁓ sometimes it's sensations in the body that you are crawling out of your skin. That's information. Okay, our intuition is just giving us information so that we can make a decision from that. And so start to notice how you're feeling in your body and which senses are lighting up for you. And it may take a while because you might be overwhelmed, right? And that overwhelm is very valid. You're not gonna be able to hear it with all that noise in the body. So then maybe you need to go for a walk. Maybe you need to have a really good workout. You move your body first and then sit down to listen. Because honestly, your intuition is always very loving, it's always gonna be gently guiding you as long as you're open to it. If it sounds to you like a five-alarm fire in your brain, if it sounds like fear, if it sounds like criticism, that's not your intuition. That is your ego, or that's the voice of maybe your mom that you're hearing. You know, we have all of these learned patterns and learned behaviors that come up a lot in motherhood that you maybe don't even realize. Until you're like presented with it, like visiting my mom recently, I saw her do something and I was like, I do that. Lauren Seib: It's so funny you said that because even today, listen, I love my mother. If my mother's actually listening, she's probably one of the five listeners as I'm actually listening to this currently as I start my So I probably shouldn't be shitting on Jane. But it's funny because there's times where, like today, you know, Sawyer had a tough time, day two, going into this hockey thing, and I'm I'm sitting there and I am biting my tongue from just being like, just get the fuck out there. Like, not that she was a big she is I'm I'm I swear like a sailor compared to her, but I can just feel her being Victoria Nielsen: Mom. Lauren Seib: Like, why can't you just do this like everyone else? You know what I mean? Like, there's always this little bit of like, but everyone else is doing it, versus what does my kid need right now? And The separation anxiety that I dealt with, like I feel like back then they didn't have the tools in her defense to best support me. So it was just like she saw the other kids, she saw me. She's like, what the fuck is her problem? Like I've given her everything. It was kind of like it was an ego thing, like you're saying. So this like mother wound, I always it was funny because doing some work with you, I've been a client of yours. I never was like, ⁓ I don't have mommy issues or daddy issues. Like I'm pretty I like came from a good family. Like, look where I'm at now. And comparing my husband's family to my family, like we've been together for almost 20 years, like I can see why we're we are the way we are. So if we can kind of hit on this mother wound a little bit for someone like me who's like, ⁓ do I have one? Like, what is it? And like, why can becoming a mom bring so much up from our childhood? Victoria Nielsen: Yes, so you can have an amazing childhood. I had a great childhood. I was raised by a single mother. Rachel is fantastic. You're still gonna have a mother wound because a mother wound is really just female relationship dynamics. And they are passed down energetically. It has been proven you were a little egg inside of your grandmother, inside of your mother. So any of the energy that your grandmother experienced, any energy that your mother experienced. Lauren Seib: Mm. Victoria Nielsen: It's all passed down to you. And then, right, you are a product of your environment. So even if you don't remember it, however your mom was feeling or how she treated you again was probably how your grandmother treated her. And until you consciously break the cycle, it's going to repeat. And you know, we are such a new generation of moms. I think we're like, we're the most aware generation, which is like a bit of a double-edged sword, right? Because you're like, ⁓ I know my wounds, I can see my patterns, but then you're like, well, fuck, now I have to fix them. Like now I have to do something about it. And like I think awareness is the first key. And that, you know, comes with time, right? Or maybe seeing the exact mirror of what your mother is doing. Like I hear things come out of my mouth sometimes that like, and it's always in the heat of the moment, right? It's like always in the heat of the moment. But I'm like, where the hell did that come from? Or like I was talking to my husband the other day and I was like, ⁓ my God. Lauren Seib: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Victoria Nielsen: I was like, my mom used to tell me she was gonna knock my teeth down my throat. Like, that's so violent. And I'm like, but I say like violent things to my kids sometimes. Like when they get me to that level, like and and maybe again, it's part of like my Cuban heritage. I have like a whole theory about like Latin moms and like our inner violence. But like it is carried on because we have been unconscious to it. And I think motherhood, because we're starting to question so many things, that's when we become conscious to the patterns. We become conscious to Lauren Seib: Violet, yeah. Victoria Nielsen: Yeah, the ways that we were brought up and like whether or not we want to continue them. But breaking the cycle is hard. Especially if you are the only one in your family doing it, you know? Like I for the longest time felt like I was on my own island where I was like, I want this family to be better. Like I don't want us to perpetuate these cycles. Like my oldest and I, we can get into it. But like that's how I was with my mom. Like my mom and I were Or I was awful to my mom, like all through, you know, middle and high school. And it wasn't until I went away to college that I was like, ⁓ you know, and like I do think there's a natural progression, especially with like mothers and daughters, but it's that push pull because you want the independence, you want to be your own person, but you have inherited so many genetic and energetic traits from your mother. Lauren Seib: Mm-hmm. It's interesting because I didn't grow up with a lot of boys in my family. So my I have a sister and I have boy cousins, but they lived far away. So having a son, I felt like I didn't really have like a mentor to ha you know what I mean? I was I being raised by it is, it is. But I was the eldest daughter. I had a girl first. So there's certain things like my husband's even called me out on it. Victoria Nielsen: Boy energy is also just really fucking different, okay? Lauren Seib: Affectionate with her. My mom wasn't as like I feel like she wasn't the most affectionate mother. Where then with my son, it's like a whole different ballgame. I'm like basically making out the kid. I'm like obsessed with him. Like, give me those cheeks, like give me huggies, like whatever. Like, I want to snuggle you. Where my daughter, I'm just like not innately like like that with her. I don't know. But and then there's a pressure that. I feel like I had as the eldest daughter, the eldest grandchild, there's just like this whole other element and that's the same thing with my daughter. So I am so and I feel like you don't have to be woo-woo, like our generation just like innately like aware, right? ⁓ you and I are very woo-woo, but that what we're talking about right now is pretty much like, okay, that makes sense, right? Like the generational, like, okay, the how my mom was raised, like that's from my grandma, like it's being trickled down. Like none of this is that out of the order, like kind of crazy, right? In terms of being a woo-woo. Yes. Victoria Nielsen: Well, and the pressure, the pressure of being an eldest daughter, like I think that's not talked about enough. Like there's a standard. I feel like, and also I feel like there's a standard for how girls need to like present themselves. So I'm so interested. Like I hope baby number three is a girl because I want to break some of the those curses with her. Because I do feel like as as girls, like, you know, I was an only child growing up, so technically I'm the eldest daughter. You know, like I feel like we were always told to like be quiet, to be less loud. Lauren Seib: Right. Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Victoria Nielsen: That we had to look pretty. That like, you know, you you had to wear your frilly dress and your Mary Janes and like go to church and you know, that kind of thing. Whereas like, ⁓ boys will be boys. You know, like, ⁓ that's just boys being boys. And I I hate that. And when my husband says that to me, I'm like, that's bullshit. I'm like, I'm going to raise an aware b aware boy who is not just gonna be like boys will be boys. Like he's gonna think that all women are queens. Right now he thinks girls are icky and terrible. And I'm trying to deal with that when he's like Lauren Seib: Yeah. Victoria Nielsen: Ooh, I don't like I don't like Sky from Paw Patrol because she's a girl. And I'm like, okay, but buddy, you know, I get it, he's like six, but I'm still trying to ingrain in him. I'm like, okay, just because she's a girl, you know, she's not less than, but it's ingrained in our society, unfortunately. Lauren Seib: Yeah, yeah. Right. I think for me the biggest thing, I feel like I wasn't as empowered as you know what I mean. Again, I had an amazing childhood. I was an athlete, but it wasn't like badass. Like there wasn't this energy of like, yeah, you can do anything. Like career-wise, there was definitely that. My parents never put like pressure on what we had to do. Like money wasn't like, you know what I mean? When it came, it it didn't have to be Clearly, I'm an entrepreneur. My sister's a teacher. Like we both teach things. So that kind of makes sense in a weird way with how my parents raised us. But with my daughter, Really acutely focused on is you can be strong, you can kick ass in the gym. This translates, being strong translates outside of this room because I was so focused on okay, field hockey, lacrosse, hockey, whatever it was, where it wasn't like strength as a whole and how that can impact your whole life. And I didn't really realize that until I'm working at the magazine with you. Victoria Nielsen: It's a big switch. Right. Well, and we've talked before, I think on my podcast about like the eating disorders that we both had growing up, you know, because all I saw was like heroin cheek women in magazines in the nineties, you know? And I actually feel like we have gone so backwards. Like if you look in Hollywood now, like the amount of women on Ozempic on whatever, and if that's your choice, like that's your choice. I'm never gonna shame you for that. But are you developing an eating disorder? Are you developing body dysmorphia because if you really looked yourself in the mirror and thought that looking like a skeleton was good, like I just I don't know, I just feel bad. I feel bad for women that like we've reverted backwards, I feel like. We got into the whole like body positive movement. Women can be strong and now I almost feel like it's like going the opposite way. Lauren Seib: I agree. And it's kind of that whole to bring this full circle our conversation, like this whole like going back to our old selves, especially after a baby and all of that. Like I feel like after having kids, you're like, okay, let's just let's go back to our old self physically in our own body, how it I want that that will make me feel good about myself again. Where in reality, the way I've taken it, the way my company is focused on is like, no, no, no, we're we're now in a new amazing era. Like, let's get even stronger than we were before. Where with like you're kind of saying, this like bounce back culture with like GLP ones and by I'm in the same boat as you, like if that works for someone, I'm all for it. Like I'm not ever gonna poo-poo it. However, I think ⁓ like you said, it's with my eating disorder background, it it really triggers me. Cause I'm like, I do not want to be in that ever again, right? Like I'm I'm like feeling strong and good and like we're we're riding that train. Victoria Nielsen: No. Yes. And I feel like, you know, it's like, okay, we we shouldn't comment on women's bodies. And I agree with that. But I also feel like, like, Ariana Grande, for example, like the pictures of her recently are she's a skeleton. And like it's gonna take someone standing up and saying something to her. I mean, granted, she has to want to change on her own, but like I do feel like it gets to a point where you have to say something. Like, you know, and I'm all about like I don't know, you can't you can't tiptoe around things anymore. And that's this that's how I feel too about this bounce back culture. Like, woman, that old self is dead. She's never coming back. Like, quit trying to fit yourself back into those old genes. Quit trying to fit yourself back into that old version of your life because all you're gonna do is prolong your suffering. Like you need to actually grieve the woman and the life that you had. And I feel like that took me a long time to accept. Lauren Seib: Yeah. Yeah. Victoria Nielsen: Because as a new mom, you know, I I definitely had like fluctuating hormones from breastfeeding and all of that. But I didn't realize how much I had to grieve and actually how much grief and motherhood go hand in hand. And like we have not been taught in society to grieve. We want that like new shiny beginning. We want that like new yay thing. But part of what I teach my clients is like you have to sit in that darkness. You have to actually like let yourself release that fully to then step into this threshold of this new version of yourself because you are a new version. And there there is no going back. You know, I love, I think it was Katrina Scott that was sharing like after her second or third baby that like she took all the jeans and stuff she had in her closet and she just donated them and bought like a whole new set, you know? And she was like, I'm not even gonna try and fit back into those jeans. And I loved that, like symbolically, but also physically, right? Like let yourself. Lauren Seib: Smart. I love that. Victoria Nielsen: Get a new wardrobe, like let yourself redesign, redream like who you want to be. It is a rebirth. And like, how fun is that that you get to now become a whole new person, a whole new version of yourself? And I know that's really daunting, but I promise you anything that's gonna fall away like wasn't meant to come with you. And the longer that you cling to it, the longer you're gonna suffer. Lauren Seib: In terms of some tools, because I know that this is what you specialize in, if there's a mom listening who's interested in taking that next step into okay, let's throw away and detach from the old me, right? on a personal note, I started I microdose mushrooms. You and I have been talking about this for I know, I've been meaning to tell you. So but here's the deal, and this is what my my woo Victoria Nielsen: Yay! Lauren Seib: Friend Julie, who's local, ⁓ she does lymphatic drainage work, Reiki work, all this stuff. She got on my case yesterday during our session because she's like, Well, you didn't integrate properly. She's I now need to reset your serotonin levels because you didn't integrate. I'm like, Well, what the fuck's that mean? I took the two days off you told me to do. I need five days on, and it's micro, micro, micro dose, mind you, with lion's mean and everything. I've never felt better. Like She was like, no, you didn't journal. I can tell. You didn't do this, you didn't do that. So she called me on my shit real fast. And I'm like, shit, that could fake that part. But what you're just saying really kind of, I just went on a tangent, but it really stuck with me because I didn't sit in the shit. I didn't sit in the darkness of what I've been processing, what I'm going through, all that. So for a mom listening, maybe is it mushrooms? That's like the thing that you're talking about, like what? Yeah. Victoria Nielsen: I mean, I would love that. If you're not breastfeeding, yes, microdosos mushrooms, okay? You can give me a call, send me a DM. I will help you find a source. ⁓ and I do help women with that. But it's also, it is the journaling and and just admitting that it's hard. Like, and it is gonna fucking suck, okay? But the more that you let yourself actually go there, I promise you're gonna find like this little molecule of pleasure at the end of it. So maybe that is like. Lauren Seib: Yeah. Victoria Nielsen: You screaming into a fucking pillow, right? Maybe it's you moving your body until you start to cry. Maybe it is some kundalini yoga. I love kundalini. It's the yoga of awareness. You're using your breath and repetitive like movement to get out of the mind and into the body. My most profound, profound like glow-ups have come from Kundalini Yoga. I've got some amazing free ones, I'm happy to share, but you do have to do something about it. You can't just like rush through it, go on to the next thing. Like you have to dedicate and be devoted to finding like the diamond in the shit, you know? And and people don't like to do it because it is hard, you know? And a lot of people think sometimes that like, ⁓ you have to be happy all the time, or that if like you're woo-woo and spiritual, like it's always love and light. No, there's shadow, right? You need the shadow to find the light. Like you need to find that balance. So Your coach is absolutely right. Like you do need to integrate. And integration looks different for everyone, but it does mean that you have to face some of those things that have coming up. I love journaling. I know some of you listening might be like, fuck that. I don't want to journal. But honestly, the thing that you have the most like averse reaction to is probably the thing that you need the most. And it right. Lauren Seib: Mm, that's a good clip right there, girl. Uh-huh. Victoria Nielsen: But it's a baby step, okay? So, like, you know, maybe you journal for like five minutes that first time. Shit, maybe it's just a minute. You know what I mean? But like let yourself start working towards more. And again, it's a muscle. We are not used to doing this as a society. We are not used to grieving. We are not used to sitting in the darkness. We want the happy pill. We want the like immediate fix. But true, not even enlightenment, but true bliss, I feel like, isn't an immediate fix. Lauren Seib: Yeah. Victoria Nielsen: And it doesn't mean that you're always blissful, but you can get back to that bliss faster when you integrate, when you start incorporating some of these practices. I also really love ritual. So, like if you're a mom like me that likes to like burn shit and be witchy, that's a beautiful way to like symbolize and physically burn maybe what you journaled. Maybe it's just a line or two of the things that you were releasing, whatever it is, but like. having that physical like ⁓ anchor is really impactful because then your mind can see, ⁓ I I'm physically letting go of this thing. You know, I think sometimes we think the woo-woo is like all in the mind or all in like the quantum field, which it is, but like real change occurs in in earth in the earth realm, right? Like in the 3D. So you have to do something physical, I feel like, to signal to your body that like it's safe and that you have released. Lauren Seib: What about cacao, drinking cacao and syrup? I tried it this morning. It tastes like shit. Victoria Nielsen: Yes I did you? You okay, so you can totally doctor it up the way you need to. Like, I love adding honey. Some days I add almond milk. Like, yes, the the pure way to drink cacao is like just with water, but it's medicine. Okay. So, like, medicine is not supposed to taste good. You know, like again, I think we have, you know, decided in our brains, like, ⁓ medicine's supposed to be sweet. No, it's actually not sometimes. So Lauren Seib: It's a lot. You're right. Victoria Nielsen: I encourage you to keep trying it like in the not fun way, but every once in a while you can absolutely like sugar it up with some honey with some like almond milk. Lauren Seib: I didn't mind it when it was really hot. And then it started, I was in here with a client. She's like, what the fuck are you drinking? I'm like, I don't know. Something that's supposedly grounding me and helping me integrate. She was like, you're the weirdest. I'm like, I don't know. I'm PMSing. Supposedly this house with magnesium. And she's like, ⁓ that I understand. Right? Does it Victoria Nielsen: No, it really does. Like, do you honestly do you feel so cacao has for those listening, ⁓ cacao is not just plain old chocolate. It is like ceremonial, the way that it's prayed over, the way that it's roasted. But it also contains the bliss molecule, ⁓ theobromide, theobromine, sorry. So, like just what you get after eating like a Thanksgiving turkey and you're like blissed out, like that's what cacao has in it. Do you feel like a little bit more blissed out this morning? Lauren Seib: It does actually make sense. But then I went inside. So my nanny and I were trying it together. And she I walked in and she was like, I have more energy energy than I've had in a while. And she has lupus and she has like a lot of, you know, unfortunate medical stuff that kind of goes alongside that. And she was like, I am so productive. And I went in my whole closet's organized. I'm like, I'll make this for you every fucking day. This is great. Okay. Victoria Nielsen: I love that. No, it really I go through phases with it where like I love it and then where when I'm like I don't Lauren Seib: I just kinda was like, I feel like I have a headache, but I'm also PMSing, so who knows? Is that too much? ⁓ Victoria Nielsen: So then okay, so that's a good ⁓ thank you for saying that too much. Yeah. You you had too much and also cacao is like dehydrating. You do need to drink more water than you think. Yes. Chug water and then when we get off, like have a little bit of almond butter on some toast. And that's what'll like help ground you and help you feel better. Lauren Seib: Interesting. chugging this as we've been talking about we saw that okay Okay. Ground it. Okay. I also had three cups of coffee this morning because I just have had a morning. Victoria Nielsen: ⁓ my god, bitch, you can't have three cups of coffee and then some cacao Lauren Seib: Well, it's funny in terms of everything we've been talking about though, and like back to the intuition, I was feeling really, really like, I was like, do I have like Lyme disease? Something's off in my body. The last few like the last month, I was just really feeling off. And I wear the whoop. So it was telling me you're not like recovering as well as you should be. Very long story short, I was drinking a lot of matcha. Like, if anyone knows me, they know I am addicted and it's a problem. And I got to the point that I was like, ⁓ my God. I just in initi I don't know, I just felt like something was off in my body and it had to have Like an addict, but I've been off the sauce for two weeks now. After or a week and a half, and I've been drinking coffee. I feel like a new human. It's great. You can. Yes. Victoria Nielsen: You can have too much of a good thing, truly. Like and people forget that, but you really can. And I would say if you wanted to continue with a cacao, like trade one of those cups of coffee for a cup of cacao. Like that's how I think of my cacao. Lauren Seib: Okay. Well that's what I figured this morning. It's got a cup number four before I talked to you. Let's try this shit. Huge block of thirty dollars worth of cacao I have in my my kitchen. And then of course I got yelled at yesterday for not doing mushrooms properly. So I was like, let's just see if this grounds me a little bit. Victoria Nielsen: Exactly. So tomorrow maybe two cups of coffee and a cup of cacao. That's so funny. That's a whole nother thing. I don't want to talk against her protocol for you because she's an expert in nose, but I will say women are meant to microdose differently. So like we actually ⁓ it's better to do like three days a week total with like a day on and a day off and a day on and a day off and a day on and a day off. So Lauren Seib: Interesting. Ooh, see, I like that idea because I felt great the first three days and then the next two, I was like, I felt like I was walking around like, what is going on? Victoria Nielsen: I know that exact feeling if you guys aren't watching the video right now, Lauren's eyes are like this big. Lauren Seib: People are like, are you good? I'm like, I'm fine. I'm fine. Victoria Nielsen: I'm fine. I promise I'm fine. ⁓ yeah, that way you can feel the like afterglow in between. ⁓ and also to like exact well, and also people don't share. I think that like, again, like you're not always happy immediately after you do these things. Like sometimes the shit has to come up and out first to get to the happy place. And so many of us carry like so much density in our bodies, especially if you're a mom, especially if you're a woman, like Lauren Seib: Mmm. Yeah, there was no aftergirl, I was like cracked out. Victoria Nielsen: We carry so much fear and trauma and like emotions and energy that aren't even ours, like in our womb spaces and in our hips. And so so much of the like microdosing, the cacao, any of this stuff is gonna move that up and out first. So you may actually not feel good at first. You may actually be like, I feel crazy, I fucking hate this, like I'm very ragey. Lauren Seib: Makes me feel a lot better. Yes, I was Reachy. Victoria Nielsen: Yep. It's 'cause it's gotta come up and out. So that's totally normal. Lauren Seib: Oof. Alright, so at least it's doing its job. Victoria Nielsen: Yeah, exactly. Just warn the family. Be like, Mommy's not a mushroom rage, like Lauren Seib: Yeah. what I love would love to ask you, I was thinking as I was sitting here last night, you know, you and I have known each other now for a long time. I've worked with you professionally, ⁓ I was on your podcast, all this stuff, and I was like thinking about fun things to ask you. And I know obviously you are you've mentioned a few times that you're looking to expand your family. ⁓ if you could sit down next to Victoria in the first few months after becoming a mom. So like let's like rewind it. Knowing everything you know now, what would you tell her? Victoria Nielsen: ⁓ shit. Breathe. Like it's going to be okay. The things that you think are deal breakers or are gonna like ruin your child's life forever. I promise you they're not. You are resilient. Your children are resilient. Your relationship is going to ebb and flow with them based on what they need, based on what you need, but they are the best medicine for you that you have. ever experienced that if you thought you were healed or whatever before, like yes, it's gonna be hard, but like the woman that you're gonna become throughout this process is who you've always been meant to be, who was buried underneath like the shame, the societal conditioning, the the shoulds, the coulds, the woulds, right? But you are gonna become the most you version of you that that you have ever been. So like just wait. Because even though it's gonna be hard, you're gonna prove to yourself like how fucking powerful you really are and how mm like divine all of this has been. so even though it's easy to say like worry less, like really, like truly, all of that worrying was like for naught because I'm exactly where I'm meant to be all these years later. Lauren Seib: Trust the process, right? Victoria Nielsen: Yes, like a way more trust. Like I think that came in really strong mid-COVID when I was a new mom. But it's always a good reminder, like to continue to trust and to trust that you know best. Like I think as a new mom, I didn't think I knew shit, but like we do. We do know what's best for our kids. And it may not feel like it because society has told us that we don't. A book has told us that we don't, you know, like the podcast that we listen to. gave us different advice, but like start listening to that little whisper within because you are the best mom for your kids. I truly believe that they chose us for a reason. That somewhere in the ethers, like they decided, yes, her. And like you have to come back to that. Like you were chosen for this role. And like what a blessing. what a weight sometimes, right? But like what a blessing. And you wouldn't have Lauren Seib: Mm-hmm. Victoria Nielsen: brought their little souls earth side if you couldn't handle it. Truly. Lauren Seib: The best advice ever, right there, I think. Seriously. How can we work with you? Anyone listening who has really felt connected to you ⁓ during the past 40-ish minutes? Tell us where we can find you. Victoria Nielsen: Yes, visit victoriamargot.com. That's M-A-R-G-A-U-X. Or on Instagram, I'm Victoria Margot Nielsen. I also run an amazing mystery school with my best friend where we really dive deep into all of this divine feminine wisdom. We have some really fun retreats coming up. We're gonna be going to Mexico in November, Sedona in January of next year, and then France next September. So if you Yes. Lauren Seib: ⁓ you didn't tell me that one yet. Victoria Nielsen: So if you are feeling the call, please listen to it. Don't think it's random. Don't think like, you know, it's gonna go away. Like if you have that little nudge, listen to it because it's your intuition trying to connect with you. And I would be so honored to help you. It's like my favorite thing to do because finding my intuition truly changed my life and I know it'll change yours too. Lauren Seib: ⁓ I adore you. And I have been changed by you. So I appreciate all the work that you and I have done sincerely. And I appreciate you being here. So thank you so, so much. And I will see everyone else in the next episode of Bump and Drive. Thanks, girlfriend.