Latest / The Daily Sarcast / May 4th, 2026: Spirit Shutdown, KitKat's Blocking Pouch And My Date

Transcript

May 4th, 2026: Spirit Shutdown, KitKat's Blocking Pouch And My Date · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Today's episode is brought to you by The Very Low Bar. If the bar gets any lower
• 0:05
  for men, there literally could not be one.
• 0:08
  I miss eating McDonald's with my dad. Refill your Coke, get as much ketchup as you want.
• 0:14
  Some guy on McDonald's canceling their free refill policy because everything is so expensive now.
• 0:20
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
• 0:25
  I'm Lindsay Vernick, and today is May 4th, 2026. i
• 0:29
  never had allergies in my like all 30
• 0:32
  now almost 31 years of living and ever
• 0:35
  since i moved to new york i keep getting like bad allergies allergies are the
• 0:40
  worst like they're very like very not talked about it's like having a bad cold
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  but you're not sick but like you are at the same time,
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  Very strange. Allergies are very, very strange.
• 0:56
  Anyway, in real news, things are continuing to escalate around the Strait of
• 1:00
  Hormuz, which is one of the most important shipping routes on Earth,
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  if you live under a rock and didn't know.
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  A cargo ship near Iran reported being attacked by multiple small boats over
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  the weekend, and Iran says it wasn't an attack, it was just a document check,
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  which feels like when someone says, no, no, no, we weren't fighting,
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  we were just having a very loud conversation.
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  At this point, the Strait of Hormuz is basically operating like an easy pass.
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  Iran is saying ships can pass if they pay a toll, and the U.S.
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  Is warning companies to not pay the tolls.
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  Feels like a very troll situation right there.
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  And the reason everyone cares about this tiny stretch of water is because around
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  20% of the world's oil passes through it.
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  So whenever things get weird there, the global economy immediately starts sweating.
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  There's technically a ceasefire happening right now between Iran,
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  the U.S., and Israel, but it's one of those ceasefires where everyone keeps
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  publicly threatening each other while insisting everything is really stable.
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  Iran also sent over a new proposal to end the war, but both sides are basically
• 2:03
  acting like exes who are open to talking while simultaneously posting thirst traps online.
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  Meanwhile, Iran's economy is spiraling. Their currency keeps collapsing,
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  and factories are reportedly laying people off.
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  Which means regular civilians are getting crushed while world leaders continue
• 2:22
  playing the real-life version of risk.
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  Honestly, this whole thing is so fragile.
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  Everyone keeps saying they want
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  peace while casually mentioning that more strikes are still on the table.
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  Which means everyone's kinda sorta-ish into talking and working things out,
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  but they'll pull back in a heartbeat.
• 2:41
  Anyway, that's some light, breezy, fun Monday morning news for you.
• 2:46
  Meanwhile, over in Germany, they spent the last few weeks completely obsessed
• 2:51
  with rescuing a stranded humpback whale named Timmy.
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  And honestly, this entire story feels like a Pixar movie.
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  So Timmy the whale got stuck in very shallow water off the German coast back
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  in March and became a huge national celebrity.
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  People were literally standing on beaches watching whale updates like it was the Olympics.
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  At one point, the headlines were literally all about Timmy the whale.
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  I mean, to be fair, it's a lot more exciting and better than all of the news right now.
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  The rescue attempts kept escalating in the most German engineering project way possible.
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  First, they tried removing fishing nets, and then they dug an entire trench
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  so he could swim out, and that failed almost immediately.
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  And then two millionaire businessmen stepped in and funded a full whale extraction
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  operation that involved air cushions, pontoons, and eventually a giant flooded barge.
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  And somehow, that one worked. They literally guided a 40-foot whale into a floating
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  steel bathtub and towed him around Denmark back into the North Sea.
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  Meanwhile, the entire country became emotionally attached to this whale.
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  Like, crowds gathered every day hoping he moved during all of this.
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  One woman literally jumped off a boat trying to get closer to him.
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  News outlets were posting constant whale updates like,
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  timmy flicked his flan timmy blinked timmy
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  ate a fish and honestly the world is so dark right now that people saw this
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  whole situation and focused all their energy and attention on him the sad part
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  is people still aren't sure if timmy will survive long term because he's extremely weak and sick.
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  Which makes this whole story weirdly emotional. But the most fascinating part
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  is how desperate everyone was for good news.
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  I mean, between the wars, economic chaos, political insanity,
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  suddenly millions of people are fully locked into, please let this whale make it.
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  And for one brief shining moment, humanity united around a giant sea mammal named Timmy.
• 4:55
  Spirit Airlines has shut down completely. Like, flights have all been canceled,
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  customer service is officially gone, airport desks are empty,
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  which, I mean, feels very on-brand for Spirit.
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  Even their collapse came with limited legroom and no assistance.
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  Thousands of travelers got stranded overnight after the airline suddenly announced
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  it was winding down operations immediately.
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  I mean, imagine waking up at 5 a.m. for your budget flight to Fort Lauderdale,
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  only to discover the entire airline evaporated like a crypto startup.
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  And the craziest part is people were literally finding out at the airport.
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  Apparently, spirit check-in desks had little signs that basically said, Good luck, everyone.
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  I... But the rest of the sign was cut off.
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  And people were scrambling for replacement flights, obviously.
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  And those suddenly cost like $600 because every other airline saw vulnerable
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  stranded passengers and were like, oh, this is good for us.
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  The company says soaring oil prices tied to the Iran war basically finished them off.
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  But let's be honest, Spirit has been held together by pretzels and prayer for years.
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  Spirit was the airline equivalent of, well, technically we got there.
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  I mean, you pay $41 for a flight and then discover that air was part of the premium package.
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  Every spirit experience felt like the aviation version of a Craigslist couch.
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  Suspiciously cheap, slightly sticky, but somehow still operational.
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  But I mean, people still loved it because sometimes you just needed to get from
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  New York to Miami for the price of lunch in New York.
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  And now the entire low-budget flying ecosystem is collapsing into the arms of the major airlines,
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  which is terrible news for anyone who enjoys affordable
• 6:37
  travel what is also devastating is
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  around 17 000 employees are infected pilots flight attendants mechanics gate
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  agents and they all had to wake up to this horrible news i mean we all have
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  a spirit story right like you either fought for your life over a carry-on fee
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  or witnessed a public argument at their gate or got delayed by them for nine hours,
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  or somehow they'll have the greatest vacation of your life because the ticket cost $38 round trip.
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  Spirit was never luxury. Spirit was hope. Chaotic, fluorescent, lit, hope.
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  It was the airline for people who looked at a flight and said,
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  I don't need comfort. I just need to get there.
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  Anyway, pour one out today for the big yellow machines that we'll miss seeing
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  up in the sky, but we'll definitely not miss being on in Lindsay life.
• 7:29
  I was supposed to go on a date on Thursday.
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  It was a hinge date. This was our first hinge date. And we messaged a bit.
• 7:36
  We didn't message too much. We didn't exchange information, really, like numbers-wise.
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  You know, he told me what bar to be at at what time. And I said,
• 7:46
  OK, great, which is what I'm used to at this point.
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  So Thursday, he we didn't confirm and he didn't message me by like three or four o'clock.
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  So I figured we're all set for tonight. so I go to the bar and I am there a
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  few minutes before we're supposed to meet about five minutes.
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  And I realized that he's you
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  know not coming and I go on hinge to see you know maybe he's running late but
• 8:13
  I see he messaged me about 45 minutes earlier that he had something a big work
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  event come up and he couldn't make it anymore so I'm sitting there and I don't
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  know what to do so I just message him back. I'm sitting at the bar.
• 8:27
  Meanwhile, I tell the bartender I just got stood up and he doesn't even give me a glass of wine.
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  Mind you, he's been giving me like a bunch of little samples of wine.
• 8:36
  He could have just like poured out a glass for me.
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  Poor girl just got stood up. Whatever.
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  Anyway, that's beside the point. It was actually fine because I was meeting
• 8:46
  a friend pretty soon after to see another friend's comedy show. So it all worked out.
• 8:52
  It wasn't that big of a deal but the guy messaged me back on hinge and sent
• 8:57
  me this whole voice no apology that he's so sorry and he never wanted to be
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  like that and that was the last thing that he wanted so i'm like oh my god what a sweetheart.
• 9:07
  That's so sweet. And he was like, if you're willing, I would love to take you out again.
• 9:11
  And I was like, yeah, like I'd totally be willing. But like I got upgraded to
• 9:14
  dinner, right? And he was like, I know the perfect place.
• 9:18
  So he tells me to meet him at Soho House on last night, on Sunday night.
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  Now, if you don't know what Soho House is, it is the country club of the cities.
• 9:29
  They are in every major city across the country, and it's about three grand to be a part of it.
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  I've been there before. It's nothing special. It's just like where like the
• 9:41
  celebrities supposedly hang out.
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  Like you're not allowed to take pictures there because, you know,
• 9:47
  they don't want you posting any famous people.
• 9:49
  Whatever. I've been there. The food is okay.
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  And I'm just like, this guy thinks I'm going to be super impressed by the fact
• 9:57
  that he belongs to a Soho house.
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  Meanwhile, all I care about is just having a good time and a fun date.
• 10:03
  Like, I don't find... Also, I've never found the food that good there.
• 10:07
  I've been there a few times now. Whatever.
• 10:10
  So I go on the date. I get dressed up. It's actually kind of fun.
• 10:13
  I haven't been on a date in a really long time, so it was kind of exciting for me, right?
• 10:18
  So I get there. We have some drinks. We have a drink.
• 10:22
  We're chatting about what we're watching and what we're reading,
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  and he asked me what I'm reading right now.
• 10:27
  And I said, oh, like, honestly, I would rather play the New York Times games on the subway than read.
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  And he was like, are you good at them? And I said, no.
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  And he didn't laugh. And like, obviously I was being dead serious.
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  Like, no, of course I'm not good at the New York Times games. But like, that's funny.
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  Is that not funny? Am I just a sociopath for thinking that's funny?
• 10:53
  ChatGBT told me I was funny. So I believe chat, but also like maybe that's not
• 10:57
  funny. I don't know. Let me know what you think if that was funny or not.
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  So it just kind of felt like the energy wasn't there.
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  Like he just wasn't laughing at anything that I said. And I told him that,
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  like, I have a comedy podcast. I do stand up.
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  I am a TV producer. And I just, I was just, like, so uninteresting to him.
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  And it was, like, so strange to me.
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  I'm, like, at least, like, pretend to be, like, a little bit interested.
• 11:23
  So the waitress comes over. And, oh, and by the way, he was,
• 11:27
  like, wow, you finished your drink.
• 11:29
  And I was, like, yeah. It was, like, four sips. And the drink was literally
• 11:33
  four sips. It was one of those like $25 cocktails that are like so tiny.
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  And I'm like, well, what do you expect, dude? Like, this is not a good fucking
• 11:42
  time. Like, you think I'm just going to casually sip?
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  Like, there's nothing else to do here except continuously drink my drink.
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  So he was like, I'm really not feeling this. And I said, yeah,
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  me either. And he was like, I just don't get your vibe.
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  And I was like, that's okay. Like, cool, thanks. Thank you for the drink and for the guac. Yum.
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  I literally said yum. So embarrassing. So I got my stuff and left and that was that.
• 12:09
  So I think it's safe to say here that I'm done dating for a little bit.
• 12:14
  And thing of this week is the KitKat phone jail.
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  So KitKat just came out with a giant new KitKat wrapper that blocks your phone signal.
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  No, it's like not a new candy flavor or even a new shape.
• 12:29
  It's just a chocolate-themed Faraday cage, which doesn't really sound like something
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  I would want to buy as a treat.
• 12:36
  And if you're wondering how this whole thing works, apparently the pouch has
• 12:40
  hidden metallic layers inside that block electromagnetic signals.
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  So once your phone is in it, it can get self-service, Wi-Fi,
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  Bluetooth, text, notifications, literally anything.
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  Your phone is basically in witness protection.
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  The reason they did this is because brands have realized digital detox is now marketable.
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  Everyone's exhausted, addicted to their phones, overstimulated,
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  and one notification away from throwing themselves into the Hudson.
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  So companies are suddenly pretending to care about our well-being after spending
• 13:09
  the last decade to help destroy our attention spans.
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  As you know, KitKat's whole thing is to take a break. So this was basically
• 13:17
  a very expensive marketing stunt to physically force the break,
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  which honestly feels a little aggressive there.
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  Like your candy is now like taking charge.
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  The wildest part is that this is probably going to work.
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  People are so addicted to their phones that if a company said,
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  put your device inside this croissant-shaped vault for inner peace,
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  there'd already be a waitlist in Brooklyn.
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  Also, I love that brands are suddenly acting like wellness experts.
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  Every app on Earth spent years engineering our brains into soup,
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  and now companies are like, hey, let's disconnect together for a little bit.
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  And of course, everyone learned about this anti-phone device online through
• 13:57
  Instagram posts while scrolling, probably during work.
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  It makes this less of a wellness product and more of a decorative hostage situation for your iPhone.
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  Like, imagine explaining this to somebody in 1995. Yes, we eventually became
• 14:11
  so psychologically attached to tiny glowing rectangles that a candy company
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  had to invent a signal-blocking pouch so adults could feel sunlight again.
• 14:20
  We are cooked. Literally and figuratively.
• 14:24
  Anyway, that's the thing of this week.
• 14:26
  Cooking tip of the day is that the farmer's market truly has the best fruits and vegetables.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish boy looking for a date,
• 14:35
  email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com.
• 14:38
  Thank you so much for listening. Oh my god, and happy Met Monday!
• 14:42
  I'll have more for you guys tomorrow.