Latest / Here's to You / Drinking, Masculinity & Mental Health: Real Talk with Ben Meyer

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Drinking, Masculinity & Mental Health: Real Talk with Ben Meyer · Here's to You

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  Cheers. Have you been wanting to get
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  into the medical field for your career?
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  I know before our podcast career started taking off, I had
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  thought about it. I think I'd be a good pharmacy
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  allied.health@alliedhealthcaretraining.com and get to where you want to be
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  in your medical career. Cheers.
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  Yeah. Do you like the noise level?
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  Yeah. Works for me.
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  Higher. Lower.
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  No, I'm good with that. It is just kidding.
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  I don't know if that was. It's like more than white noise
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  in the background. OK.
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  Yeah. I just, you know, I love myself
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  and I want to hear myself. Can you talk all your
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  personalities, All your personalities that come out?
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  Yes, they do. They do.
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  I got a lot of them too, and I get along with them all.
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  Yeah. Just which one do you want to
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  put forward? I mean, it's up to you.
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  I'm not going to tell you, I'm not going to tell you how to
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  live your life. There's a lot of different
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  layers to put out there. It's like, which version of Bend
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  do you want to know? Which which version do you want
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  to share? Well, it's funny how much like
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  depending on the context situation is like who?
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  Like what version yourself you put forward.
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  Like you have a lot of different styles of yourself, like
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  everyone does, but it's usually where, like people think of you
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  one way and they only think of you that way, not like all these
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  other ways that like, I'm not just a real estate agent, I'm
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  all of these other things too. Yeah.
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  Yeah. At least you should be that.
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  But most people lock in on like one identity so hard.
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  And then it's like, if that identity is going well, cool,
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  I'm happy. If not, like, then I'm not
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  happy. Yeah.
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  It's like if you're so indexed in that one thing of like, well,
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  if I'm doing well as a real estate agent, then I feel good
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  about myself. But if I'm not, then I don't.
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  Like that's way too heavy in that one area.
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  It is, I think. I think that it goes back to,
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  like, how you describe yourself based on a title.
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  You know what I mean? Yeah.
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  Like some people describe themselves as a title versus
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  like, like a character. What do you do?
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  And they immediately go to work. It's like, well, I play
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  pickleball. I have fun.
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  I do all this other stuff, too. And I'm a real estate agent.
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  Yes, exactly. And I think, I think, like,
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  that's what we need to, like, talk about more.
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  You want me to be more? That's an American thing.
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  Just we're all. So it is how we make money.
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  It is an American thing, 100% Western.
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  They assume like things about the world, just how like come to
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  make like understanding about how it is.
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  So it's like when you think about like football player, like
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  you usually have like a persona that goes with that and you just
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  get put into a box like with that.
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  And like most people read like first impressions and put
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  somebody in a box and then can't really like, see outside of
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  that. That's true.
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  That's why. That's why seems like people
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  knew younger versions of yourself compared to your older
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  version of yourself or new version of yourself.
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  Oh, you're a family. You know what I mean?
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  Friends, social community, everyone.
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  But also like your family. Definitely your family.
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  Definitely your family. And like some of that stuff you
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  can't really change. You just got to like, let it,
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  let it be. Yeah.
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  No, 100% that. He sounded way better when you
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  moved it. Oh, that's your phone.
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  Not my phone. I thought that was my oh.
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  Yeah. I was literally about to pick it
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  up and put it over here. My bad and my bad.
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  I just wanted to text people back.
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  Look at your cool cup. It has her.
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  It has her name on it. The only my one.
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  No. Yeah.
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  Yeah. It has my name on it.
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  No, I have your name. That is cool.
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  Here's to you. Yeah.
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  Hey, you remember when you sat over there and you were trying
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  to act like Ben? I think you got his voice down.
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  That, that is his voice. Oh yeah.
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  Yeah. What's that?
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  Yeah. What's that look like?
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  What did you do? Do it again.
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  I'll have to reach back into that memory 30 minutes ago and
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  then I'll replay it for you. Have you tasted it yet?
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  Yeah, it's Mom. You did a good job.
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  Like I'm not a real big. Like, I'm not a picky person
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  when it comes to like food and booze.
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  Like that's why I'm like, I'm not really the best foodie ever.
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  I like it all. But actually, I think that makes
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  you the best foodie. I'm a good promoter.
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  I'm not a good, like, reviewer. Like, yeah, I mean, you probably
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  seen my stuff. Like I'm not really about doing
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  that. It's like here it is, check it
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  out, It's cool. Go try for yourself, see if you
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  like it. I'm not going to tell you if
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  it's good or bad. This is my opinion, but you need
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  to go see it for yourself. That's just more, I guess my
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  brand style of just promoting stuff that's going on and like
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  go check it out. It's cool because like you need
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  that support when you're putting stuff on, like you need to go
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  support what you're doing and vice versa.
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  Like you got to go support other people too.
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  For sure. Especially in Wichita where it's
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  like you see cool stuff, you want that to keep happening.
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  You need to go support it. You need to share it.
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  Like it takes a community to do this.
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  It's not just the person putting it on.
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  Like the events are only as good as a community.
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  Oh, 100%. So it can be tough sometimes
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  when you're trying to like do all this cool new stuff in
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  Wichita on the cultures a little bit.
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  Just like, yeah, come on, be cool.
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  Yes. Literally like like actually be
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  cool. Not try to try to act too cool
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  and not do yeah, not, not think you're too cool.
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  Yeah. Not the whole nonchalant shit.
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  Like why are you pretending that you're nonchalant?
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  You're not like go get out and talk to people and get to know
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  people. Like and that's kind of the
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  whole like reason I'm doing coffee house and those other
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  events is like a lot of people ask like, are you doing that to
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  be an agent to no more people is like maybe if that's a side
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  benefit, like as a real estate agent, like they think I'm doing
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  it for business reasons. And it's like I'm actually just
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  doing it because I want to build community and get out and like
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  see people and interact with them.
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  We're really getting to it like a point right now where it's
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  like people have to decide, are they going to just be completely
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  all digital and just buy and all that?
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  Or are they going to actually like fight for their humanity
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  and go connect with people in person, like and actually like
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  bond like in person together? Yeah, fucking AI, man.
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  It's a it's AI. No, but it's like the Internet
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  digital technology, like it's so much easier now to just get
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  everything digitally that you need.
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  Like if we're getting so conditioned now to be like
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  that's where our brains are going instead of like the old
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  school stuff, that's still the best.
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  Yeah. Like like even as simply as
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  like, I mean, I DoorDash a lot, you know, like we're we're
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  minimizing my human interaction. But really like it's not good.
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  And I say that as someone who has a hell of mental health
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  issues or like you have to constantly make the decision to
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  be like, I'm not going to participate in that.
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  Like I'm starting to see the overall mental health effects of
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  not being socially connected with people in person anymore.
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  But it's like you don't and can't get the same thing
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  digitally. Like in it.
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  Yeah, I know it's awkward, it's hard, it's uncomfortable.
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  Like that's part of the human experience.
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  That's exactly it. You don't need that contrast of
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  like the bad stuff, the hard stuff for the good stuff that
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  should be good. If everything's good all the
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  time like that, you're not going to actually feel good.
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  You're just going to feel like baseline.
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  It's kind of like you've started to like embrace the pain, the
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  struggle, the awkwardness. Like you kind of need that, want
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  it to actually have it to be a good experience because the
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  other side of that is the contrast of it, which is the
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  good stuff. Yeah.
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  So it's like you need, I think it's $0.50 that said that like
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  you need joy to have pain. One for sunshine.
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  Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sunshine would be great without
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  the. I don't know what it is.
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  I'm not going to act like I know the lyrics, but that reminds
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  that reminds me of the Hilary Duff song.
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  That's like, shit. You know the album.
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  The Hilary Duff album. Now what?
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  Yeah, you do. Yeah.
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  Why are you acting like you don't?
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  That's that's that's your timeline.
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  That's your timeline. You fucking know it.
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  Like, don't front and let the rainfall down.
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  Yes. You see, I knew it.
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  I knew it. I knew it.
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  I knew you were going to get it as soon as I said that.
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  So like honestly, that was a really great intro.
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  No kidding. Are are you, do you want to
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  actually bring us in or do what do you want to do?
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  Yeah, yeah, you want. Let's let's get into the intro
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  and we'll get this going. I thought this was fucking cool.
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  I know, but I liked this format. Yeah, but you know, you know, I,
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  you know, I was recording the whole time.
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  I'm always recording the whole time.
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  I'm so glad you were 'cause that was good.
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  And welcome back to another episode of Here's to You, the
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  podcast where I am always recording the whole time sitting
• 10:12
  next to me. And make sure you don't fart.
• 10:15
  Like always is the blue haired fantasy or McAllister?
• 10:19
  What's up, guys? I, I don't, I don't know.
• 10:20
  I I was thinking about farting. I'm not farting we're breaking
• 10:26
  the barrier already Yes really progressing to this relationship
• 10:29
  fast yes. Have you heard of that breaking
• 10:31
  the barrier concept? No.
• 10:32
  What is that? Can you fart in front of your
• 10:34
  friends or whoever you're with Like that's how you know how
• 10:36
  close you are to ohh, I've never farted.
• 10:38
  I've never farted in front of Dusty.
• 10:40
  Dusty has farted in on me multiple times.
• 10:44
  Go look up the YouTube video about breaking the barrier.
• 10:48
  That's hilarious. Again, right there.
• 10:49
  When is the right time to fart in a new relationship?
• 10:52
  That's a good question. Right now.
• 11:00
  OK, so like if someone has a booger in their nose, are you
• 11:03
  gonna tell them or are you not gonna tell them?
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  Right, 'cause I'd wanna know too.
• 11:07
  Something like bits or other stuff, like not from like a
• 11:09
  judgy way, but like just letting you know kind of way.
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  Exactly. Hook up way or like you got
• 11:14
  something in your teeth. Like let me know.
• 11:16
  Like don't let me walk around being a bit like, that's
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  embarrassing. Yeah, yeah.
• 11:20
  And some people, like, that's how, you know, again, if they're
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  your friends or not, or like a girl, you know, if they're
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  really your friends, like a girl who doesn't have good eyebrows,
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  she doesn't have good friends. Yeah, 'cause we've been through
• 11:35
  this, we've talked about. We have been through this, I
• 11:38
  believe. Yeah.
• 11:39
  I mean, you got some ugly eyebrows.
• 11:41
  You got some ugly eyebrows. I guess you got some ugly
• 11:44
  friends. I don't tell you that's.
• 11:45
  What you I mean in 2025 with all the eyebrow gurus like that
• 11:49
  could help you have good eyebrows.
• 11:51
  I'm definitely going to start judging people's eyebrows now.
• 11:55
  Never thought to look at people's eyebrows now.
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  Now if I'm look at people and be like, you need better friends,
• 12:01
  Danny told me. You need better friends judging
• 12:04
  by those brows like. Anyways.
• 12:08
  Yeah, no, What's this? What's this country type of
• 12:12
  voice that we're hearing? I'm saying country because like
• 12:14
  that was the voice that Dusty did when he was trying to do it.
• 12:16
  I figured I had something to do with that.
• 12:17
  And I don't know where my Hick accent came from because none of
• 12:20
  my family talks like that. Like I'm not really that
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  country. Like I grew up having bonfires
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  and doing that kind of stuff, but I'm really not like a
• 12:27
  country guy. But I come off with like a Hick
• 12:29
  bro style. I can't help it honestly.
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  I just lean into it. It's like I'm Ben and I'm from
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  Kansas. That's.
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  Pretty much what I did earlier. Especially when I go to other
• 12:40
  places and they're like, oh, where you from?
• 12:42
  It's like Kansas. We don't all live on dirt, like
• 12:46
  dirt roads and farms. And yes, there's a yellow brick
• 12:48
  road. I know Dorothy, you didn't live
• 12:52
  on a on a farm. I grew up on 2 acres.
• 12:55
  My dad farmed, but I didn't farm.
• 12:57
  And he, he got out of farm, he got into the salvage yard
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  business. So like I grew up working on
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  cars and being dirty and all that stuff and riding 4 Wheelers
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  and shooting guns and having bonfires and all that kind of
• 13:08
  stuff. Just I have a wild man out in
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  the country. So I grew up like that too.
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  And it's fun. Like I kind of miss it.
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  Like that's why I go get out in nature and just outside and do
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  all that. Just like primal stuff that's
• 13:19
  natural. The primal stuff.
• 13:21
  Have you have you ever tried to do the sort of there's a guy
• 13:25
  here that it's like like and it's kind of hard to get into
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  his thing. But one of my Co workers a
• 13:31
  couple years ago, she gave me a flyer because that's how you get
• 13:34
  ahold of him. He's like really, he's older,
• 13:37
  he's like in his 80s maybe. And he'll take you camping and
• 13:41
  really show you how to like survive out there.
• 13:43
  And like it's over a weekend and it's not even a lot of money.
• 13:46
  It's like 25 bucks. But it's kind of hard to get to
• 13:48
  him because it's very intimate and I've never done it.
• 13:53
  I wanted to do it because that's why my Co worker gave me the
• 13:56
  flyer because that's how you you get a hold of him.
• 13:57
  Like you can't like because he's old school.
• 14:00
  So like it's nothing is really digital.
• 14:02
  Like I'm not going on a website or anything to figure this out,
• 14:05
  right? That's the point of it is like,
• 14:06
  don't get a hold of me. Yes.
• 14:07
  No, that's 100%. And yeah.
• 14:09
  And he and it's a whole weekend and he teaches you how to
• 14:11
  survive in the wild. That would be cool.
• 14:13
  Yeah. Although I don't think I'd do it
• 14:16
  because I want to live. Yeah, some of those guys get so
• 14:19
  far that they, like, legitimately go die in the wild
• 14:22
  because, like, they think they could do it.
• 14:23
  And then they're just like, they don't have a phone, they don't
• 14:25
  have resources. And like, they literally just
• 14:27
  die on the wild. Yeah, I'm like, bro, that's too
• 14:29
  far. It was only a weekend.
• 14:31
  Adventures. But that's too far.
• 14:32
  Yeah. With him, it's only a weekend.
• 14:34
  And he teaches you like he teaches you the food that you
• 14:36
  can eat, like how to source your own food, not just hunting, but
• 14:41
  like sourcing, like, like what are the plants that you can eat?
• 14:44
  Right. And it's here like in Kansas.
• 14:47
  So like that, like, who would have thought?
• 14:49
  See, maybe go that primal, right?
• 14:53
  Like sort of primal. I camp a lot, Yeah.
• 14:55
  And I like just getting out in nature and adventure.
• 14:57
  And like, I just got back from Big Ben National Park.
• 15:00
  Being out there, like camping primitively for a week and like
• 15:03
  you, like, your phone doesn't work.
• 15:05
  Like you're just living, like you're just existing.
• 15:07
  And it's honestly great. Yeah.
• 15:09
  Just chilling. No, it's nice.
• 15:12
  Yeah. When I go to Mexico, where I'm
• 15:14
  from, I don't really get the best signal, so it's nice.
• 15:17
  What part of Mexico? Sacatecas.
• 15:19
  OK, so this was like right off of Rio Grande.
• 15:22
  So Big Ben is like, like, literally like there's the
• 15:25
  river, there's Mexico. I could have immigrated across
• 15:28
  the river if I wanted to and came right back.
• 15:29
  But I'm. I didn't.
• 15:30
  For the record, they're recording this.
• 15:34
  They'll just send you back. No, I know they will.
• 15:36
  It's it's not like that big a deal.
• 15:38
  Like, I honestly thought it'd be like, tighter and way crazier
• 15:40
  than it was, but it wasn't like border trolls down there and
• 15:44
  whatever, but it wasn't really, like an issue.
• 15:46
  Yeah. So yeah, No, for sure.
• 15:49
  But we're having a espresso martini for you.
• 15:54
  Have you tried it? Caffeine.
• 15:55
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 15:56
  I mean, you're kind of double fisting.
• 15:57
  You have an El Primo. I had coffee this morning, too.
• 16:00
  And you. Wait, so you had coffee this
• 16:02
  morning After this, I'm kind of a caffeine junkie or just an
• 16:05
  adrenaline junkie, I should say. I really had to start to like
• 16:09
  cut myself off of like how much dopamine like I get into like
• 16:12
  from caffeine and digital stuff and your phone like you got to
• 16:15
  really like regulate yourself. You start to turn yourself into
• 16:18
  a crazy person. 100% too much stimulation.
• 16:21
  No, for real though, it's honestly I think why I like
• 16:24
  techno, EDM, like high pace stuff because I feel like calm
• 16:28
  in those like high pace, high energy Internet environments
• 16:31
  like that. Like that stuff actually calms
• 16:33
  me down. Like, I'm going to the warehouse
• 16:34
  tonight because it's calming. You got ADHD, huh?
• 16:39
  Yeah. Like, I need a lot of stimulus
• 16:41
  to focus and be calm. And if some, if the
• 16:43
  environment's calm, like I become the crazy, I'd start
• 16:46
  making it crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:48
  Oh, my God, You missed it. I was making the martinis and I
• 16:51
  I decided to go crazy. They might, they might go on the
• 16:55
  bloopers, but I went crazy. Exploded everywhere.
• 17:00
  There's remnants probably around here somewhere.
• 17:03
  And it hella smells like it's OK.
• 17:07
  There's nothing there. It was like that, but worse
• 17:10
  because because everything just. Yeah, yeah, no, it's one of the
• 17:15
  things like I recognize about that by myself, they have kind
• 17:17
  of like an anxious attachment spell and I'm naturally anxious.
• 17:20
  But that's also what makes you like a higher achiever, higher
• 17:22
  performers when you can like channel that.
• 17:24
  So it becomes a superpower when you can focus your ADD because I
• 17:27
  think so many of those like, labels get put on as like a
• 17:30
  negative bad thing until you start to actually use it.
• 17:32
  Be like, this isn't like a detriment.
• 17:34
  This is actually like an advantage.
• 17:36
  No, 100% yeah. When you start to actually like
• 17:38
  work with it mentally and like actually consciously work on it,
• 17:41
  not just go, oh, this is me. This is a diagnosis.
• 17:44
  It kind of becomes like a victim mentality when you look at it
• 17:46
  that way instead of flipping it and be like, actually this is my
• 17:48
  advantage that I can do this, if not a lot of other people can't,
• 17:51
  for sure. Like, I think a lot of time or
• 17:54
  like when you're first learning about yourself and when you're
• 17:57
  younger and you're first like learning about like strengths
• 18:00
  and weaknesses, you learn about how do I overcome my weaknesses?
• 18:05
  How do I do this versus like versus like, how do I manage my
• 18:09
  weaknesses but really work on my strengths because these are the
• 18:12
  things that I should focus on. But you know, like we're, we're,
• 18:15
  we're taught the other way. And then like, you continue to
• 18:18
  grow up and at some point you like hit something that you're
• 18:21
  like that I need to do this differently, right?
• 18:25
  You just spun me off in like 10 different teams and stuff.
• 18:27
  Yeah. Which one do you want?
• 18:29
  Which one do you want to go? Like, what's one of these
• 18:31
  rebels? I want to go now?
• 18:32
  That's how I feel when I'm interviewing people.
• 18:34
  I'm like, I'm like, OK, I can do something funny.
• 18:37
  I can do something relatable or where did I?
• 18:40
  Where am I going next? I usually get into a lot of deep
• 18:42
  shit, but I recognize like not everybody's ready for that all
• 18:45
  the time. And sometimes like you need to
• 18:46
  just lighten up and have fun. Yeah.
• 18:49
  So being so like deep all the time, or I think there's a
• 18:51
  balance or I think there's, there's two pieces of it, you
• 18:54
  know, like there is the deep stuff, but it is also, I mean,
• 18:57
  like it's light hearted. Like we're very dark humor here.
• 19:00
  Yeah. You know, like that's where the
• 19:02
  light hearted comes. But like, like, all humor is
• 19:05
  dark. Like, it's seeing the funniness
• 19:07
  and the tragedy. Like, did you know that
• 19:08
  Shakespeare was a comedy? I knew that he kind of like,
• 19:11
  started that way. You're like, you're laughing.
• 19:16
  It's because he's laughing about how tragic life is.
• 19:18
  Like, that's all you can do. That's how you deal with it is
• 19:20
  you have to laugh at it. Like.
• 19:22
  I'm just the crazy tragedy nonsense that we are as humans.
• 19:27
  The only way you can deal is just by laughing about it and
• 19:30
  having humor. Like because if you think about
• 19:32
  comedians, like they say some of the most fucked up shit in the
• 19:34
  world, they get away with it because they're joking.
• 19:36
  They're comedians. But a lot of it's real and it's
• 19:38
  true too. So it's like, I've used a lot of
• 19:41
  comedy humor laughing like in real estate to have hard
• 19:43
  conversations because it's like if you laugh about it, make it
• 19:46
  like harder and it's easier to process.
• 19:48
  Like then if you're like super serious about it all the time,
• 19:51
  like that's usually what scares people is like the approach,
• 19:53
  like how you handle it. And that's really any
• 19:56
  conversation. It's just, we have a lot of big
• 19:58
  life conversations in real estate.
• 20:00
  Yeah. I mean, it's not just the house,
• 20:03
  it's their whole life situation that's going on.
• 20:05
  It's I mean, it's a big purchase for one.
• 20:07
  And then it's two. It's like, where are you in your
• 20:09
  life that you're going to do this?
• 20:11
  And more so than the purchase, Like it's bigger than just the
• 20:14
  purchase, the financial purchase.
• 20:15
  It's their whole life transition, like how much their
• 20:18
  life is about to change. And that's where, like I went
• 20:20
  and got life coach certified and I got so into like people
• 20:22
  development, how they work because of that human behavior.
• 20:25
  Behavior concept of like, how can I help people through one of
• 20:27
  the hardest times of their life because that's one of the three
• 20:30
  most stressful times of your life is getting married, having
• 20:33
  a kid and buying a house. Like, and it's the life
• 20:35
  transition to help people through like that next phase of
• 20:38
  deciding like, yes, I'm going to do this or no, I'm not.
• 20:41
  And it's a really hard thing to help do.
• 20:43
  So that's where I first, like started learning about it.
• 20:44
  But then you realize, like it applies to all the life.
• 20:47
  We try to separate professional and personal, but you can't.
• 20:50
  Yeah, it's 100%. I think we, we've gotten into
• 20:53
  this a lot. Like it's just too performative
• 20:57
  to try to separate. I mean, but we we did so with
• 21:00
  Fitz, we had Fitz, Fitz on. And by the time that we release
• 21:04
  yours, she'll already be released.
• 21:05
  But she talks about that too. It's like there's a lot 1.
• 21:09
  I'm at a point where like this is who I am all the time,
• 21:12
  regardless of what setting I'm in, this is who I am.
• 21:15
  And but there are maybe some jobs where like maybe if you're
• 21:20
  a stripper, maybe that's the only time where you do want to
• 21:23
  separate your personal from your work life.
• 21:25
  You know what I mean? Well, and there's two things
• 21:28
  with that you said where it's like performative and like, I
• 21:30
  recognize there's only just how much my life has been
• 21:32
  performative of trying to just be a good boy basically, or be a
• 21:36
  good role, play a good like fit to whatever role I'm supposed to
• 21:40
  be playing at that time. And but I'm like, do I even want
• 21:43
  to do that? I'm just doing this because I'm
• 21:44
  trying to people please everyone and keep everybody happy because
• 21:47
  that's that's part of our human nature is that we're hurt
• 21:50
  animals. Like so it used to be if you got
• 21:52
  kicked out of the tribe, you would die.
• 21:54
  So that's why I like social acceptance is so important to us
• 21:57
  because we equate it with survival.
• 21:58
  And so when you get rejected or people don't approve of you, it
• 22:01
  goes against your human nature, like your animal human nature.
• 22:05
  But then when you actually develop yourself above that,
• 22:07
  like, that's when you can like have the consciousness of I
• 22:10
  don't need to behave like that anymore.
• 22:12
  We don't live in tribal times, but it's still rooted into our
• 22:15
  like our subconscious programming.
• 22:17
  Well, like anxiety too. Like we're, we're actually, we
• 22:20
  all have anxiety because at that at one point, it was our
• 22:23
  survival instinct. Yeah.
• 22:24
  And anxiety is good. It's just energy because like,
• 22:26
  if you didn't have anxiety, I'd be more concerned about you.
• 22:30
  And I'm like, how are you not feeling or having this drive?
• 22:33
  Because that's all it is, is you can very quickly basically
• 22:35
  change anxiety to excitement because that's all it is.
• 22:37
  It's just the way that you choose to view it that way.
• 22:40
  And if you want to use that or not.
• 22:41
  Because emotions are really meant to be used in leverage.
• 22:44
  They're not meant to be like suppressed or put away.
• 22:47
  And I had to really learn to overcome that with like the way
• 22:49
  I was raised. And a lot of men, boys, whatever
• 22:51
  you want to call them, were raised to just like suppress
• 22:53
  your emotions. Don't talk about it.
• 22:55
  Don't feel it. Don't.
• 22:55
  Don't deal with it. Like, that's girly, that's gay.
• 22:58
  Why are you talking about emotions?
• 22:59
  Like, because they're powerful as shit.
• 23:01
  Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 23:02
  OK. You know, I had, we're going to
• 23:06
  jump to that part because I do want to.
• 23:09
  OK. When we had talked about like,
• 23:11
  what do we really want or, you know, what do we want to talk
• 23:13
  about again? Like I had asked you and you had
• 23:16
  said, like healthy masculinity. And you just kind of started to
• 23:19
  get into this. So first, what does healthy
• 23:23
  masculinity mean to you? Yeah, Well, I think that's a
• 23:26
  little bit of the question everybody's asking right now
• 23:28
  because they say that. But then it's like, well, what
• 23:30
  do you mean by that? What does that mean?
• 23:32
  What's that look like? And a lot of it has to come down
• 23:35
  to like how emotionally regulated they are, like how
• 23:37
  regulated your nervous system is, how much you're essentially
• 23:40
  able to like take care of and provide for yourself.
• 23:43
  Because what I see, and not only myself and a lot of dudes, it's
• 23:46
  just how many like hurt little boys are running around that,
• 23:49
  you know, have mommy issues or whatever it is that haven't
• 23:52
  learned to actually like be self-sustaining essentially.
• 23:55
  So self soothing, like for your own anxiety, it's not everyone
• 23:58
  else's issue to solve your anxiety, you know, And there is
• 24:01
  good things about like being masculine, but I honestly think
• 24:05
  it's a little bit changing, even calling it masculinity or
• 24:09
  femininity just because historically we called it that
• 24:11
  because of those behaviors were attributed to the sex, to the
• 24:14
  gender. Well, now it's not really like a
• 24:17
  behavior that's like just because you have that gender,
• 24:20
  you're going to be that way because you're going to have a
• 24:22
  lot of like masculine women who are doing really well in the
• 24:26
  workplace. But like it's not entirely fair
• 24:28
  to call them masculine. It's just the way they're
• 24:29
  behaving like a leader. And historically it's always
• 24:32
  been men doing that. But now you're seeing more lady
• 24:35
  leaders like come into that place and behave that way.
• 24:37
  It's like, well, it's not really a masculine behavior.
• 24:40
  It's just that's how we've always labeled it instead of
• 24:42
  labeling it leader and supporter instead of making it about it
• 24:44
  like a sex. Cause the same thing goes on the
• 24:47
  other side, like there's, you know, a feminine dudes.
• 24:49
  Yeah. Like the like dudes need to have
• 24:52
  like behave kind of feminine if you want to call it that, or in
• 24:55
  a supportive role or deal with some of the stuff.
• 24:57
  It's just we haven't always been encouraged or supported to do
• 25:00
  so, like, especially with each other.
• 25:03
  Like, yeah, actually we don't support each other as well as
• 25:06
  women do. I was I was, I was, was it a
• 25:09
  real or a video that I was watching?
• 25:11
  And it was about that how men have how men will do their and
• 25:16
  this is a generalized statement. So like not adding anyone, but
• 25:20
  like guys will have relationships in this type of
• 25:24
  setting, side by side setting, like, you know, playing video
• 25:27
  games, watching TV, watching sports, doing whatever.
• 25:32
  But women have relationships that are one-on-one eye level.
• 25:36
  So like girls will like go to dinner together.
• 25:40
  We'll like talk about things will and it's this type of, you
• 25:43
  know, like eye contact talking where guys, maybe we'll be
• 25:47
  talking about something deep, but it's side by side.
• 25:50
  You don't really sit across from each other, you know, to have
• 25:53
  this type of thing. And, and it was, it was just
• 25:56
  more of like the, the setting that though in the way that they
• 25:59
  were describing it around like how conditioned it has been
• 26:05
  where like maybe you don't feel like you can with each other,
• 26:09
  right. Well, I think it's more just
• 26:11
  understanding that like you said, like guys just borrow them
• 26:15
  differently than women do. But we still need to like hang
• 26:17
  out with other men, like with each other doing things that are
• 26:21
  pretty just like men focused, you know, whatever that is that
• 26:24
  guys like to do because it's usually doing something that is
• 26:27
  like sitting here talking, you know, usually guys blonde
• 26:29
  through performing an activity or task or something like that
• 26:32
  that usually isn't a lot of talking.
• 26:34
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 26:35
  Like working out even or whatever, playing a sport
• 26:38
  together. Yeah.
• 26:39
  Like physical activity. And it's I think a little bit
• 26:42
  it's because like we're side by side because we're looking at
• 26:45
  like taking on the world and what's out there to go do.
• 26:47
  We're not necessarily, like, women are looking at each other
• 26:49
  to connect with each other because we're still connecting.
• 26:51
  But we're not connecting in, like a way that's so focused on
• 26:55
  each other. We're connected on, like, what
• 26:56
  we're doing, like in a solo. Yeah, to an extent.
• 27:01
  But it's more like, you know, what's the task we need to do?
• 27:04
  Because I think you asked, like, healthy masculinity, Like, what
• 27:06
  is that? Because I think a lot of boys or
• 27:10
  men right now are kind of confused on what that means of
• 27:12
  like what they want because they are not even sure what they
• 27:15
  want. Like how they would be happy in
• 27:17
  that healthy masculinity with it all.
• 27:19
  So I think that question, like you asked is still very much
• 27:22
  deep being defined. And like, I'm not the best
• 27:25
  example of it. I know I need to work on things
• 27:27
  so well, I mean, we are all human.
• 27:29
  We all have a lot of shit to work on.
• 27:31
  I think that's that goes back to the other thing is like how much
• 27:33
  we're also dehumanizing each other and how much we're also
• 27:36
  like, Oh, well, you're not, well, you fucked up, so now
• 27:40
  you're cancelled or you fucked up, so now you're murdered.
• 27:43
  And you know what I mean. Compassion for people being
• 27:46
  humans. Like, show me one that hasn't
• 27:47
  fucked up. Yeah, yeah, everyone has fucked
• 27:50
  up. We've all done.
• 27:50
  I was talking about this last night with my friend Nicole
• 27:53
  about like how strong your relationships are.
• 27:55
  It has to do with how well you can have a conflict because
• 27:57
  you're always going to in some way, shape or form and then
• 27:59
  repair from it, like come back to it and repair for it.
• 28:02
  But it's like, it seems like most people these days want to
• 28:04
  just discard and find someone else.
• 28:05
  Like somehow that's going to solve it, but you're still going
• 28:08
  to keep showing up and all this situation, situations with your
• 28:10
  patterns and behaviors 100%, yeah.
• 28:12
  So it's like, yeah, you might be able to find someone else, but
• 28:14
  you're still going to keep showing up this way.
• 28:15
  Like, even if something bad happened to you, what part of it
• 28:19
  did you participate in and create for that situation to
• 28:22
  happen? And even if it wasn't entirely
• 28:24
  fault, it's like, what can I do now differently so that doesn't
• 28:27
  happen again? It's like, happens to me once,
• 28:29
  shame on them. Happens to me twice.
• 28:30
  Shame on me for allowing myself to not recognize that pattern.
• 28:33
  And it happened again. But that's just, I don't know
• 28:37
  that human connection side of things.
• 28:39
  Like it sounds good to do, but then it's harder to do than
• 28:43
  ever. Like socially in person.
• 28:44
  I mean, it goes back to starting to like go away.
• 28:46
  It's the social stuff that we, we were talking about the start
• 28:49
  at the start of the show. Yeah.
• 28:51
  Yeah. Like about how things are so
• 28:53
  digitized right now. And it is I'm getting more and
• 28:56
  more isolated. Like especially guys are getting
• 28:59
  isolated because they're like, if I don't work, like what other
• 29:02
  value or purpose do I have? I just go to work and I go home
• 29:04
  and like, that's it. Like, I don't think many, I
• 29:07
  think that goes back to masculinity though.
• 29:09
  Looks at it of like, we need to hang out with each other.
• 29:11
  Yeah. But that's like social
• 29:13
  standpoint of like the fake masculinity part, you know what
• 29:17
  I mean? That the conditioned part, not
• 29:18
  what it really is, right where it was like you have to be a
• 29:21
  provider. You have to do this.
• 29:22
  And it's like, yeah. And there's a lot of like macho,
• 29:25
  you know, chest beating bro style.
• 29:27
  Like look how loud I am type of a thing.
• 29:29
  Like that's not healthy masculinity.
• 29:31
  Like, that's an old, immature version of it that I think we're
• 29:35
  starting to learn better. That's like healthy masculinity
• 29:37
  is more grounded. It's more stable.
• 29:39
  It's calm. Like when everything's going
• 29:40
  crazy, almost like dad energy like that goes with it.
• 29:44
  Yeah. It's like going to a rave
• 29:47
  because it calms you. Yep.
• 29:49
  Like, be in the middle of the chaos, but then be the calm one
• 29:52
  in the middle of the chaos. Yeah, Exactly.
• 29:57
  Right. Right.
• 29:58
  So what version of masculinity did you feel like that you had
• 30:03
  to like let go of to where you're at right now or maybe
• 30:06
  that you're still trying to let go of?
• 30:08
  So this is kind of like what we talked about from the start,
• 30:10
  when it's like you play a role or identity that you think like
• 30:13
  you're supposed to. And for me, like, you know, I
• 30:16
  grew up playing football, wrestling, like high school,
• 30:18
  kind of like the bro jock style because I was big and I was
• 30:21
  athletic. And it's kind of like you people
• 30:23
  have a persona of who you're supposed to be.
• 30:25
  And I kind of like bought into like the dumb jock attitude
• 30:29
  until I started to figure out like you're not actually a dumb
• 30:32
  jock. You're actually pretty smart.
• 30:33
  But you kept telling yourself this and everyone else kept
• 30:36
  telling you. But then like people liked me
• 30:38
  for playing that role. And so I kept playing that role
• 30:40
  and then I liked me for playing that role until that role didn't
• 30:43
  work anymore, you know, for that phase of my life.
• 30:46
  And it's like, all right, you need to transition and change
• 30:48
  from this person you were that was working.
• 30:50
  That isn't working anymore. Like, and it and a lot of it had
• 30:53
  to do with like what I was telling myself to like just that
• 30:56
  I thought I was dumb for the longest time, even though like
• 30:58
  I'm not because I wasn't like like most kids that went to
• 31:01
  school. Like I wasn't like most people
• 31:03
  that were in that system, you know, And that's how most
• 31:05
  entrepreneurs are too, is like, they're not like everybody else.
• 31:07
  But you have a system that's telling you you're a certain way
• 31:10
  for so long and you start to believe it because like, well,
• 31:13
  what other evidence do I have otherwise?
• 31:14
  Like no one else is telling me to do it.
• 31:16
  Like, but you're also like something inside you naturally
• 31:19
  just this doesn't fit right or seem right with it all.
• 31:22
  So that's probably the one like even like the the Kansas thing,
• 31:26
  like the heck thing. They hear that accent and they
• 31:29
  go, oh, you must like country. It was like not really listen to
• 31:33
  EDM. Yeah, that was the mother.
• 31:34
  Say I like EDMI, like house. Yeah, I like chill house music,
• 31:39
  like road trip house music is probably what I'd call it.
• 31:42
  Were you saying earlier about how the names of song or the
• 31:48
  names of genres have started to change a lot?
• 31:51
  Yeah, like man, people just make up stuff.
• 31:57
  I. I swear.
• 31:59
  Yeah, like, well, even, I mean, when I was asking you cause of
• 32:04
  the event that we're trying to put on, I was like, what, what
• 32:07
  are we going to put on? What are we?
• 32:08
  What's the vibe? What's the music?
• 32:10
  And you were like. Oh, I was like.
• 32:12
  What did you say? I was like, bro's going to do
• 32:14
  some Latin house and then other Bros were were were going to be
• 32:19
  some luxury bum. And I was like what the fuck is
• 32:21
  luxury bum and. Then I was like, Oh yeah, we.
• 32:24
  May know what I think of, but it's probably.
• 32:26
  Not I was like. I like we're going to play like
• 32:29
  we made that up, Rick Ross. Yeah, if, if he fits in there,
• 32:34
  then we will play it. OK, but OK, Yeah, I.
• 32:38
  Know that doesn't like. That doesn't, that doesn't
• 32:40
  explain it. That just like, yeah, like
• 32:43
  bougie bum. Yeah, yeah.
• 32:45
  How do you, how do you make it bougie?
• 32:48
  Yeah. What makes it luxury?
• 32:50
  What makes it luxury? It makes you feel luxurious.
• 32:53
  That's why I think like Rick Ross, yeah, You know, there's
• 32:56
  some songs, I guess, where it's like, yeah.
• 33:01
  Yeah. OK, but like, OK, OK.
• 33:03
  But what makes you feel like, what songs make you feel like
• 33:07
  sometimes some jazzy songs make you feel luxurious.
• 33:10
  You know what I mean? Yeah.
• 33:12
  David David Guetta. He makes you feel luxurious.
• 33:16
  That's. Luxury.
• 33:19
  Poem genre. David Guetta, yeah.
• 33:21
  Dua lipa, dua lipa. I would have never thought it's.
• 33:24
  That it's not like mainstream. We're going to go to a festival.
• 33:28
  I expect to see really big. Names.
• 33:30
  Yeah. Tiësto.
• 33:31
  Tiesto's probably one of my OG favorites.
• 33:34
  He's kind of like, it's that upscale, like elite luxury club,
• 33:37
  VIP. Feeling like that seems like
• 33:40
  what it's going for. That is not what our luxury
• 33:45
  bump. Is I.
• 33:50
  Mean. I'll try to find you an example.
• 33:52
  It's. Because Dusty's rebellious,
• 33:54
  that's why. That's.
• 33:58
  Why? It's like, I don't know man,
• 33:59
  like just we it's like kind of like trap fish hip hop, like
• 34:08
  like remixes, but more like not like super hype stuff, more like
• 34:13
  your chill chiller vibe stuff. Yeah.
• 34:15
  OK. OK, OK.
• 34:17
  Well, not like, yeah, that's the best that I can explain.
• 34:23
  OK. Yeah.
• 34:25
  All right. Yeah, you just got to experience
• 34:27
  it so. So anyways, come out, hang out
• 34:30
  with us, hang out with us, come have a drink with us.
• 34:32
  Yeah, it looks like a cool event.
• 34:33
  And I like the Sunday, like daytime, afternoon, stuff like
• 34:36
  that. It's not like which, not such a
• 34:38
  Friday, Saturday time. Like we got Friday, Saturday and
• 34:40
  that's it. Nothing during the week, nothing
• 34:42
  during the day. I'm like, we need to change that
• 34:44
  because I think there's a market for it.
• 34:46
  It's just, you know, getting people out there is the whole
• 34:49
  game. That's me, dude.
• 34:52
  How many phones you got? 22 phones.
• 34:55
  One for the plug, one for the hug we're talking about.
• 34:58
  Yeah. I got 5 different e-mail
• 35:00
  addresses, 2 websites, 2 CRMS. I only have two people work for
• 35:04
  me right now, but I used to have a lot more than that.
• 35:07
  OK, let's get into that. So you have Wichita food and
• 35:09
  booze. You're a real estate agent, and
• 35:11
  I'm sure there's more. You play pickleball.
• 35:14
  You I go on adventures. You like to drink?
• 35:18
  Yeah, I, I really, it's not actually much the drinking part.
• 35:21
  It's, you know what it is? It's the community.
• 35:22
  It's a connection. Connections I have with
• 35:24
  community, like with people around drinking.
• 35:27
  That's what it's like. I know everybody's like, oh,
• 35:28
  don't drink, whatever it's like, but usually what comes out with
• 35:32
  that is social isolation, which is worse than drinking.
• 35:35
  So I, I would make the argument for all these people like, oh, I
• 35:38
  don't drink, I don't do this. I'm so healthy.
• 35:39
  It's like, I bet you have other problems because you're not
• 35:42
  socializing with people. And that usually involves
• 35:44
  drinking because I've done it where I've gone on 30 day
• 35:47
  breaks, 90 day breaks, like with that didn't really have an
• 35:50
  issue. It's just that I kind of wanted
• 35:51
  to prove it to myself. I could do it for one, but then
• 35:54
  also like still go out and socialize and do all the same
• 35:57
  things you're doing when you're not drinking.
• 35:59
  So go hang out because otherwise you're training your brain that
• 36:01
  not drinking is not fun. And that's not really true.
• 36:04
  And in some ways my attitude is like if you have to stop it cold
• 36:07
  Turkey, like that thing has more power over you than you do over
• 36:10
  it. If you have to completely
• 36:11
  abstain because you can't control yourself.
• 36:13
  Like not saying it's not respectable, but it's more
• 36:16
  respectable if you're able to have one or two and not go off
• 36:19
  into the deep end. Regulate yourself because
• 36:21
  there's always going to be a trade off for everything you do.
• 36:24
  Like, even if you don't drink, like you're missing out on some
• 36:27
  social environments and situations.
• 36:29
  Like did you take into account that negative effect of not
• 36:31
  drinking? Like, but it's so champion to
• 36:33
  not drink now. It seems like that's like, you
• 36:35
  know, there's a healthy, responsible way to do this.
• 36:37
  Some of my best memories, moments, experiences have been
• 36:40
  around drinking, you know, so I can't you can't really say
• 36:44
  drinking is bad when that comes from it all.
• 36:46
  Like, you know, I get it that it's a poison and a toxin, but
• 36:50
  you know, what do you want your life to look like when you're
• 36:52
  done? You going to get to the end of
• 36:53
  it. Be like man, I'm glad I didn't
• 36:54
  drink and didn't have a good time my whole life.
• 36:58
  So, so, so to to that point, do you think that like companies
• 37:02
  that are like, you know, making their like water and then
• 37:04
  selling it at the bar like that the you know.
• 37:07
  Like starting to sell water? In like, in, like, yeah, in like
• 37:11
  a big can like that. And it looks kind of like a
• 37:13
  beer, but it's water inside, you know?
• 37:15
  So you know that like kind of helps that situation.
• 37:17
  It does and the mocktails do too, you know, and some of the
• 37:20
  THC CBD drinks because people still I found like when I wasn't
• 37:24
  drinking, I still wanted to drink something even if it
• 37:26
  wasn't alcoholic. That's me.
• 37:28
  I always have to have water. Something about in your social
• 37:31
  environment you need something in your hand like drinking just
• 37:33
  to participate. So I think those are a good way
• 37:35
  to do that, to still get people out to social, because I think
• 37:38
  people do want to socialize. You just need to give them a
• 37:41
  reason to like an event to like, people don't just go out to a
• 37:44
  bar as much just to congregate. And like, yeah, people
• 37:47
  definitely don't do that anymore.
• 37:49
  We were talking about that like how like are you actually going
• 37:52
  to go up to someone? And, and like Wichita's very
• 37:55
  clicky. That's the other thing.
• 37:56
  Like I, I feel like I travel and I'll travel alone and I can make
• 38:00
  friends anywhere and I can still do that here.
• 38:02
  But I've noticed here in Wichita, it's very clicky.
• 38:05
  Like you can't always like infiltrate, you know what I
• 38:09
  mean? Like, and then if you are our
• 38:11
  environments and our people and we like that, we don't really
• 38:13
  want to venture outside of it because it's usual and familiar
• 38:16
  to us. And you know, anybody that comes
• 38:18
  in to in to disrupt, that's like a threat to it that comes with
• 38:21
  it. And so that's usually why people
• 38:23
  are seeing each other as like a threat to my piece that I have
• 38:25
  going on. Like don't disrupt it.
• 38:27
  And part of it is like, and then they drop them and then go to
• 38:29
  another one and then they do it again because it's the pattern
• 38:32
  pattern where partition like person ruining your social
• 38:35
  experience that you came out for.
• 38:38
  I've seen it both ways, like people doing 2 common reserve,
• 38:40
  but then also people completely misreading social cues of
• 38:43
  situations of like, bro, you're dominating this conversation and
• 38:47
  everyone's not having a good time of it.
• 38:49
  And like, you don't recognize that somebody needs to, like,
• 38:53
  say something to you. Yeah.
• 38:54
  Oh, well, like socializing and all of that.
• 38:56
  Or just like even those soft skills.
• 38:58
  I mean, like, so people will be like, you're really good at
• 39:01
  this. And I'm like, honestly, it's a
• 39:03
  skill. Like, anybody can learn this,
• 39:04
  you know, Like you, you know, I've told a couple of friends
• 39:07
  who are afraid to go out by themselves and stuff like that.
• 39:10
  I love doing that. Yeah.
• 39:11
  Yeah. And and they'll be like.
• 39:13
  But how do I, like, go up to someone?
• 39:14
  And it's like, you know, you know, that you can enter a
• 39:18
  circle or a setting if someone's foot is slightly out, like how
• 39:22
  they're standing or how they're sitting because, like, you have
• 39:25
  to recognize the physical cues. And that's how, you know, like,
• 39:29
  either this person's trying to get out of a conversation or
• 39:31
  someone's allowing someone in. And like, the way that someone
• 39:33
  sits, the way that like, you know, you have to pay attention
• 39:36
  to these language tells. Yeah.
• 39:38
  It's hilarious when you start reading body language, how much
• 39:40
  people give themselves away. Oh, 100% yeah, yeah, Yeah.
• 39:43
  I mean, and I can read it and a lot of times like I'll say, say
• 39:46
  it, I'll bring it up and it, but it's like, how much are they in
• 39:49
  acceptance of that or denial of themselves of who they actually
• 39:51
  are, how they're behaving for sure.
• 39:52
  Because like that's one of the hardest things for people to
• 39:54
  admit sometimes about themselves is like, Oh yeah, I am more
• 39:58
  anxious than I thought it was. I'm coming off depressed or sad
• 40:01
  or whatever because like I because I'm very passionate and.
• 40:05
  People would take that as I'm angry, even though it's like,
• 40:07
  no, I'm not angry, but I see now how it comes off as angry.
• 40:10
  It's just I'm passionate, you know, behind a lot of passion is
• 40:13
  emotion, whatever. That can be scary to a lot of
• 40:15
  people, even though it's like, no, I'm just very passionate.
• 40:17
  Like I'm very convicted in what I'm saying, but I could be
• 40:21
  wrong. Like, you know, it could be
• 40:24
  intimidating sometimes. Like, and I didn't realize how
• 40:26
  intimidating I could be because of like my size and my voice and
• 40:29
  everything else comes with it. It's like, OK, I need to like,
• 40:31
  make myself more of a safe place for people to feel comfortable
• 40:34
  with, to actually like, open up on it all.
• 40:36
  But like, to your point earlier, you're saying like, your friends
• 40:39
  are going out on their own. Were they guys or girls, girls,
• 40:43
  girls? And so I've heard this complaint
• 40:45
  and I didn't realize it because I'm not this way that they're
• 40:49
  complaining a lot. Like guys aren't approaching
• 40:51
  them. Come talk to them, which I'm not
• 40:53
  surprised by because guys don't know how like to actually do in
• 40:57
  a way that's not threatening. You know, they just go straight
• 40:59
  in for the kill. And it's like it's the same
• 41:01
  thing in real estate sales. I have to teach people this.
• 41:03
  So it's like you can't just go straight in for the Commission
• 41:05
  to kill it. You got to build a relationship
• 41:07
  and work through this, but you can't just go in with your
• 41:10
  douche bag pick up line thinking that's going to work.
• 41:14
  And so I think some of those skills aren't being taught or
• 41:16
  they're demonized or like people just expect people to have it,
• 41:20
  like you said, but it's a learned behavior.
• 41:21
  You learn your behavior everywhere.
• 41:23
  And some families you were raised in and it just came to
• 41:25
  you naturally because you learned it from whoever else did
• 41:27
  it. But if you don't have that, you
• 41:29
  have to intentionally work on developing that skill set.
• 41:32
  And it's not always like, how do I make money from this?
• 41:34
  It's just how can my quality of life be better because I want to
• 41:36
  have good human interactions, like whether there's financial
• 41:39
  gain or not. It goes back to the real estate
• 41:41
  stuff. When you learn to be a life
• 41:42
  coach, 'cause you recognize that it's like, yes, it is good for
• 41:46
  me in business. But you start to recognize like
• 41:48
  the the value of it, of that internally and how that.
• 41:53
  Yeah, yeah. You drink the kool-aid and
• 41:56
  everyone makes fun of that. Everyone will be like, why are
• 41:58
  you drinking the kool-aid? And it's like, honestly, there's
• 42:00
  a lot of good shit in there. Yeah.
• 42:03
  Which kool-aid are you referring to?
• 42:04
  Well, it depends. Oh, so like, OK, I worked at a
• 42:08
  nonprofit for a while. They had like these principles
• 42:10
  and blah, blah, blah, blah. And everyone was like, well, you
• 42:12
  know, eventually you're there for so long and you're going to
• 42:16
  you're going to sound like them and you're going to talk like
• 42:18
  them. OK, so I worked at Coke for a
• 42:20
  while and it's like, yeah, I mean, in a way I did start to
• 42:23
  drink the Kool-aid, but like I'm not using it in a weaponized
• 42:27
  way. And like there is, there is a
• 42:30
  lot of there is a lot of truth to shit.
• 42:32
  You know what I mean? Like 'cause it was value based
• 42:36
  versus like rule based. So I read a lot of their books
• 42:39
  too, like good profit that Charles Koch science is success
• 42:42
  and market based management. And there's a lot of good things
• 42:44
  that you could learn from that and discern from it.
• 42:46
  But this is like every entrepreneur person you learn
• 42:49
  from, like take out the grain of salt.
• 42:50
  Look at the good stuff that applies for you.
• 42:52
  Don't do this stuff you don't want to do and like, move
• 42:55
  forward with with that. Because when you look at like
• 42:57
  the Cokes and what they've done, there's a lot to learn from like
• 43:00
  from that. But this kind of has to be just
• 43:01
  100% in their world, their organization that comes with
• 43:04
  that for sure, you know? But yeah, whoever you hang out
• 43:06
  around us who you're going to become.
• 43:08
  And a lot of times I see this not just in real estate, but in
• 43:11
  like different phases of people's lives.
• 43:13
  That's usually the hardest thing for them to do is to transition
• 43:16
  to a different social circle. Like let go of your friends or
• 43:20
  your family or whoever it is that's holding you back from
• 43:22
  whatever you want to achieve. Because usually you don't
• 43:23
  realize how much that is what is holding you back for in
• 43:25
  anything. And it's like you have to a lot
• 43:27
  of times sacrifice socially to get ahead, like as an
• 43:30
  entrepreneur. And like a lot of times that's
• 43:33
  the cost of it that most people aren't willing to pay or that I
• 43:36
  mean, even like if you're missing out on certain things
• 43:39
  because you had to do something else or it's like, I'll go for a
• 43:43
  little bit, but I have to come back and work on this.
• 43:45
  Well, so Speaking of drinking, like I started to figure out
• 43:48
  that drinking was cost me way too much money when I go out on
• 43:51
  Friday and Saturday night and not because of what I was
• 43:54
  drinking was doing that night is because I would miss the 9:00
• 43:58
  phone call on Saturday morning. That was worth 6 to 10 grand for
• 44:01
  me to go do a showing to sell a house.
• 44:03
  So like this has cost me way too much money to be staying up late
• 44:05
  drinking, doing all this stuff when I'm missing those
• 44:08
  opportunities. So I started to not party and
• 44:11
  drink and stay out as late. So I could did that, but I had
• 44:14
  to give up something to gain that too, for sure, you know,
• 44:17
  And it is a lot of nights and weekends and time off.
• 44:20
  And I think people sometimes look at successful
• 44:22
  entrepreneurs, real estate agents and the people who must
• 44:24
  be nice like, but look at the sacrifice.
• 44:26
  You got to sacrifice the same thing.
• 44:28
  Like there's a cost everything like, and I'm going, well, I
• 44:31
  don't have a life and kids either because it's not very
• 44:33
  conducive with that lifestyle. Like that's hard to meet both
• 44:36
  needs of those two things. So no, I get that kind of in the
• 44:44
  booze realm, but the food realm now, what gets you started with
• 44:49
  how did like Wichita food and booze get started?
• 44:51
  What made you kind of want to do that?
• 44:52
  It got started during COVID. It actually started as Wichita
• 44:55
  food to go during COVID and that's what spurred this whole
• 44:58
  thing and why it went nuts. Is is in the middle of Covad and
• 45:01
  like, I actually took all my stuff home because I thought
• 45:04
  were going into martial law, shut down.
• 45:06
  I wasn't necessarily even scared of Covad.
• 45:07
  I was scared of that situation of like, we're about to turn
• 45:10
  into a military police state. What the hell is going to
• 45:13
  happen? That only lasted for like a
• 45:15
  week. Well, for me, I was like, OK,
• 45:18
  we're good. I'm getting back out there.
• 45:20
  I can't sit at home by myself for a week.
• 45:22
  Very depressing. I need it.
• 45:24
  Yeah. I got hella more depressed.
• 45:26
  I need to go see more people. But as funny as like during that
• 45:29
  time, I think I interacted and saw more new people ever in my
• 45:32
  life than any other time in the middle of COVID.
• 45:37
  But I never got it that I know of, other than like, I might
• 45:40
  have felt down one point. Yeah, but I never got it that I
• 45:42
  know of. And I was tested and all that
• 45:44
  stuff and I never tested for it. So I got it.
• 45:47
  I'm surprised, but no starters. Wichita food to go during COVID.
• 45:51
  Like everyone's sitting around and actually saw another agent
• 45:54
  in a different market do it. And I was like, oh, that's a
• 45:57
  good idea. I should do that for my
• 45:58
  community. And I did that and I made just a
• 46:00
  quick video, wasn't business oriented or anything that said
• 46:03
  like, you know, all these restaurants support us all the
• 46:07
  way every throughout the year. Like we asked for donations,
• 46:09
  community help, whatever. And we're always asking them for
• 46:12
  things. But now it's like they need our
• 46:13
  support right now to stay in business.
• 46:15
  Like, and so the whole idea was like, add your friends, add your
• 46:18
  family, add your restaurants. How are these people operating
• 46:21
  right now? Like get the word out of like
• 46:23
  how we're doing food to go when they're open, how they're doing
• 46:25
  it. So I got the whole community
• 46:27
  like rally around that concept and it got to like 20,000 people
• 46:30
  in like 2 weeks. I just went nuts and everybody's
• 46:32
  sitting around like they need something to do.
• 46:34
  So that was their thing to do. But then after that I started
• 46:38
  going and interviewing all these places like over video on
• 46:41
  Facebook and being like, how, how are you operating right now?
• 46:45
  Like what are you doing to serve people?
• 46:47
  But then also like, what's your story?
• 46:49
  Like, how'd you get started? And so people got to know not
• 46:51
  just the business, but also the people behind it.
• 46:53
  So a lot of these like local small amount of places or unique
• 46:57
  places nobody to do about before started to get discovered
• 46:59
  because of that. And then so it's like that
• 47:01
  started to become the best part about this group is that all
• 47:04
  these cool unique places nobody knew about before, now everybody
• 47:07
  knew about them because they're cool and unique.
• 47:09
  And I think the biggest thing that made it work so well is
• 47:12
  that I required people to only do like positive promotion.
• 47:16
  This isn't a place to come write your negative stuff.
• 47:18
  Like if you have all that go straight to the business owner
• 47:21
  somewhere on the business owner side than necessary on the
• 47:23
  consumer side of like these restaurants need to be supported
• 47:26
  because I don't think you realize like how hard it is and
• 47:28
  how small their margins are. And then when you meet them,
• 47:30
  you're like, this is your neighbor, like mom and pop, this
• 47:33
  isn't some big Mega Millions corporation that you're screwing
• 47:35
  over. Like you're screwing over a
• 47:37
  local family. Yeah, type of thing.
• 47:39
  So yeah. And then like we did, we get one
• 47:42
  wrong order and we're like fuck this place never coming back.
• 47:45
  Yeah. Or like those reviews, you know
• 47:46
  what I mean? Right.
• 47:47
  One wrong thing. Like you can ruin their income
• 47:50
  for an entire week, you know, and that's people's, you know,
• 47:52
  families that you're not getting fed because of like we're in bad
• 47:55
  situation, you know. And so it's like, and mistakes
• 47:58
  happen. Like things are going to happen.
• 47:59
  Like give them a chance to make it right and not.
• 48:01
  And I'm not blindly supporting all small business owners.
• 48:04
  I know there's bad ones out there too, but for the most
• 48:06
  part, like they're the ones providing this experience, like
• 48:08
  sacrificing, working non-stop, like we need support them.
• 48:12
  And so that started during Wichita Food to Go.
• 48:14
  And then when COVID was over, I just switched it over to Wichita
• 48:16
  Food Boost because it's kind of like how do we not already have
• 48:19
  a massive community group around this?
• 48:22
  And we kind of had like at the time, Wichita by EB was the
• 48:25
  biggest like foodie influencer around that.
• 48:28
  And you had fur and some of those other guys, but like Chris
• 48:31
  Jacks wasn't even around then like with Jack Stacks, like he
• 48:35
  got started in the middle of all that.
• 48:36
  And I think that group really amplified a bunch of those guys
• 48:39
  like, but I'm not trying to take credit for him, but it really
• 48:41
  just amplified. Those guys are already doing
• 48:43
  really cool stuff. I think initially they, I don't
• 48:46
  know if they had beef or they thought I was competition.
• 48:48
  But guys, I'm not trying to be a foodie like influencer.
• 48:50
  I'm a real estate agent. I'm a marketer and I'm just
• 48:53
  trying to help my community. But it got misperceived I think
• 48:56
  for a while, like what my intentions are and what's going
• 48:58
  on. And it is wild to see the
• 49:00
  accusations that come from that group.
• 49:02
  Like, bro, chill, I can't even know me.
• 49:05
  You're just judging me or have a bad experience.
• 49:07
  Then you want to just tear me apart.
• 49:09
  Like the cancel culture, like you said, it's like it's almost
• 49:11
  like cool to try to like tear people down or make them a bad
• 49:14
  person when you're like, where did you come up with that?
• 49:17
  And then it's like you've just been taught to treat me like a
• 49:20
  villain. Like instead of getting to know
• 49:21
  me or just come talk to me directly.
• 49:24
  I don't know. But no, it's been fun and I
• 49:26
  really like the group. I would say I'm more of a a
• 49:29
  boozy, if that's a thing, not a foodie, A boozy.
• 49:33
  Yes, Touch your drink. I keep asking.
• 49:35
  I'm I'm asking you so many questions and I'm not even
• 49:37
  letting you drink. I'm sorry.
• 49:39
  Well, I'm starting to feel the anxiety of all the caffeine
• 49:41
  kicking. Oh, OK, OK.
• 49:43
  I'll start to get like heavy chested and like out of breath
• 49:47
  and I'm like, you need to shut up.
• 49:50
  I think you're doing yourself out of breath.
• 49:51
  I think you're doing great, but I totally get what you're saying
• 49:55
  because I was literally telling Dusty I was like fuck, I'm going
• 49:58
  to get so much anxiety on this one.
• 50:02
  I was like fuck the alcohol plus the espresso.
• 50:05
  I mean, and it's not a lot. I mean, we're only, we only put
• 50:08
  in 2 ounces of high post and one ounce of an espresso.
• 50:14
  Was it one else? Yeah.
• 50:15
  Well, that high post espresso is, it's some lethal stuff,
• 50:19
  Yeah. It's 10 minutes ago.
• 50:20
  I was buzzing. Shit, Yeah.
• 50:23
  Really. You know, like I got my second.
• 50:27
  Hey, there's more guys. There's more.
• 50:29
  You want me to? You want me to refill you?
• 50:30
  Sure. It makes the caffeine flow
• 50:33
  through your system faster too, so you're like jacking it up
• 50:36
  even more. What?
• 50:38
  Y'all was getting all deep and I was like damn, it's kind of
• 50:42
  strong. You're like, you're like
• 50:45
  masculinity. Fuck yeah.
• 50:51
  Yeah, my masculine, quiet confidence is over here letting
• 50:56
  all that course through my veins.
• 51:00
  No, I hear that. No, I'm.
• 51:02
  That's why actually this morning I woke up and I was like, I'm
• 51:04
  not going to drink coffee this morning.
• 51:05
  I was so close. I was so close.
• 51:06
  I was like, I wanted some, you know, because you're so used to
• 51:09
  it, right? Or I don't know.
• 51:10
  At least for me, like I'm. Used to it coffee this morning.
• 51:12
  Oh, you did. Working.
• 51:14
  I should have texted you guys it was going to be an espresso
• 51:16
  martini. I apologize you.
• 51:17
  Probably told me that for. Special martinis and mimosas.
• 51:20
  Those are my go to. Like mimosas just start me, get
• 51:24
  me going in the day. Like people always ask me like,
• 51:26
  what's the best place to eat or drink of this?
• 51:27
  And I was like, well, it totally depends on the vibe of the
• 51:29
  situation. Like I'm not going in the same
• 51:31
  place all the time and be like, this is the best to go here all
• 51:33
  the time because that kind of ruins it.
• 51:35
  Like, well, it depends on who you are, like, what you're
• 51:37
  doing, who you're with, Like, and I appreciate that variety
• 51:40
  and like, I know different contexts and I'll try all of
• 51:42
  them. But it's like, what's the best
• 51:43
  is like, well, it depends on the time.
• 51:45
  No. And I'm so much like that.
• 51:47
  I think I am a boozy too to some degree because like, start that
• 51:51
  word now. Yeah, you should.
• 51:52
  I think I like that boozy. What's that?
• 51:54
  It's like a foodie, but for booze.
• 51:56
  I really like that. Yes.
• 51:58
  I think nobody's really doing the booze side.
• 52:00
  Yeah, we're all doing the food side.
• 52:02
  We're always really doing the booze side.
• 52:03
  This podcast is all a boozy. Yeah, we we have yet to like
• 52:11
  post in there as like the show. Yeah.
• 52:14
  Yeah, we, we don't we. Should that should be our first
• 52:17
  thing? Like how come ain't no one in
• 52:19
  here doing the boozy? I thought this was Wichita food
• 52:23
  and booze. Exactly.
• 52:25
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we shouldn't. I'm hyping you up to do this.
• 52:31
  We will start a new category of influencers.
• 52:33
  Boozies in the boozies, right? Oh my God.
• 52:35
  In the boozies. No, but yeah, like, I'm.
• 52:38
  I'm the same way though. Like, sometimes, like.
• 52:40
  So for a mojito, I really like Sabor's mojitos.
• 52:44
  Yeah. Sabor goes hard on mojitos.
• 52:46
  Yeah, just anything of their tequila.
• 52:50
  Just because they have their own barrel.
• 52:51
  Like, fuck yeah, dude. Like Donuts, Kelly, Their
• 52:55
  tequilas. Your facial expression told me
• 52:58
  everything. I mean, no, it's right from the
• 53:01
  boozy side, from the boozy side, from the foodie side.
• 53:03
  I'm like, I like their apps. I just, I like the fact that
• 53:05
  they have so many nice tequilas that you can try, but that's a
• 53:08
  unique experience. You don't see anywhere else
• 53:10
  here. No, you have all those tequilas.
• 53:11
  And especially as I got into more tequila, like high end
• 53:14
  tequila, like it is night day difference from the lower end
• 53:16
  stuff. 100%. I, I get so offended if someone
• 53:20
  is like, we're going to do a shot and they give me a wells
• 53:23
  shot. I'm so offended.
• 53:26
  Like, it's like, it's like, you know me and you're going to give
• 53:30
  me a fucking well shot. Like me.
• 53:33
  You've met me. You know that I like this.
• 53:38
  You want to, you want to get off Annie's bad side now you know
• 53:40
  how? No.
• 53:41
  Oh, my God. Yeah.
• 53:41
  So one of my really good friends, she had got me a well
• 53:44
  shot recently. And she was like, dude, you went
• 53:46
  on all night about that. And I was like, I'm sorry, I got
• 53:48
  drunk. And I got I'm telling you, it
• 53:50
  gets me the mood like even as a broke college student, never
• 53:55
  would do that because I was like, that's so fucked up.
• 53:58
  Why would you get me a wealth is so bad?
• 54:00
  Yeah, good Tequila is so good, like exactly food and sweet.
• 54:02
  You just drink it straight by itself.
• 54:03
  I mean, and that's how tequila is supposed to be Drink.
• 54:06
  And then also with and orange guys stop drinking them with a
• 54:11
  lime. I mean, they're good, but an
• 54:12
  orange is better. But an orange takes away the
• 54:14
  bite at the end, especially the good stuff.
• 54:15
  Doesn't really even have a bite. But then you put the orange and
• 54:18
  the cinnamon on there and you're like, Yep, none at all.
• 54:20
  Like it's smooth. It's dangerously smooth.
• 54:23
  Especially like I've had it straight from Mexico too.
• 54:25
  And it's way different over there than it is here because
• 54:27
  they they don't put all the additives and preservatives and
• 54:29
  all the bullshit in over there. Like, yeah, some of my best
• 54:33
  times have been in Mexico. I think we are boozies.
• 54:36
  Yeah, I think, yeah, I think yeah, we definitely have found
• 54:39
  our, our like a niche of we need to start because I get
• 54:43
  everybody's doing the whole like, oh, we're not drinking
• 54:45
  thing, which is fine, you do that.
• 54:47
  But then there's a group of us that think they're going the
• 54:49
  other way. We're like, well, yeah, no, we
• 54:51
  do still drink like we appreciate and it's good and
• 54:53
  we're not going to let it go away.
• 54:54
  I think. I think that's kind of where I'm
• 54:56
  at lately. I don't, I don't let it control
• 54:58
  my life. Yeah, yeah, I think that's where
• 55:00
  I'm at lately. Like, I am very active.
• 55:04
  I work out a lot. I count everything.
• 55:07
  Like I'm very, very active. But I do enjoy a drink, and it's
• 55:10
  not because I want to get drunk. Yeah, I enjoy a drink because
• 55:13
  they're fucking good. Well, when you find a good
• 55:17
  spirit, you know what I mean? You find a good spirit, and it's
• 55:19
  like, right? You do it responsibly, like it's
• 55:22
  meant to be done right. Yeah.
• 55:23
  I think where it gets such a bad rap is when people talk about
• 55:26
  abusing drinking. Like any drug, if you abuse it,
• 55:28
  it's bad. Yeah.
• 55:29
  Anything you abuse, it's bad. You can abuse your phone.
• 55:31
  You can get addicted to anything.
• 55:33
  I mean, even drinking so much water is bad.
• 55:35
  You're draining out, isn't? Isn't that your liver?
• 55:37
  You're draining out your liver. Yeah, how amazing would it be if
• 55:40
  you're addicted to tacos? Oh my God, yeah, I'm always
• 55:45
  thinking about. You're right, you're right.
• 55:47
  I Dusty makes fun of me because like I will literally order like
• 55:51
  5 tacos and everyone's always like, that's a lot you're
• 55:55
  making, dude. Yeah, that's the order.
• 55:59
  We get 10. Of those.
• 56:00
  Bitches. Oh, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
• 56:02
  Well, like the, we'll take a bite to each, the orphan is
• 56:05
  five. And then like we'll go to
• 56:07
  restaurants and sometimes I'll be like, I want all of these and
• 56:10
  then I want to try that one and then I want to try that one.
• 56:12
  I would do this with my brother. It'd be like, you get this, I'll
• 56:14
  get this and we'll mix and match and we can try both.
• 56:17
  That's what I love about Asians. It's because they, they eat in
• 56:20
  family style. Yeah, they eat family.
• 56:22
  That's goodness. We're all eating it.
• 56:23
  Yes, yes. And I love, I love just like
• 56:25
  hanging out with friends like that.
• 56:27
  And then we all like put the food on the table and we just
• 56:29
  tell the, the waiter we're like, Hey, we're eating family style.
• 56:32
  Can you put it in the middle and can you bring little plates?
• 56:35
  See, that's the stuff we still need is that community bonding
• 56:37
  experience. It's usually always been over
• 56:39
  food and booze. Like that's all the stuff that
• 56:40
  bring us together is food and booze.
• 56:42
  Like that's the thing we can usually connect on because we
• 56:44
  all need to eat and we want to drink instead of all this
• 56:47
  bullshit that's being spread around division and hate and all
• 56:49
  this nonsense. It's like, go actually get out
• 56:51
  in the world and hang out with people, like, and just ignore a
• 56:53
  lot of that noise because I, I got into marketing psychology
• 56:56
  and people skills just because I had a lot of it was being used
• 56:59
  on me and I was falling for it. And it's like, well, now that I
• 57:01
  see it, like I want to teach other people to not fall for all
• 57:03
  this shit. Like they just don't realize how
• 57:06
  much they're getting like kind of tricked and manipulated into
• 57:08
  these, into these things. Well, like, so I I'm, I'm on the
• 57:11
  tech side now and I build apps. And so I've learned all the dark
• 57:14
  patterns of how to how to also, like you were talking about
• 57:18
  dopamine hits. Like, I mean, yeah, like I've
• 57:20
  learned social media is built on is getting you addicted to the
• 57:23
  dopamine hits from that social interaction on the phone.
• 57:26
  And that's also really fucked up.
• 57:27
  Yeah. And that's what I'm saying.
• 57:28
  Like people are going to start to have to make a choice in the
• 57:31
  decision to not participate, not like do that and to fight it
• 57:35
  because it's not so much more like, oh, just whatever.
• 57:37
  Like you have to make a choice. Like I'm not participating in
• 57:39
  that. OK.
• 57:40
  So this is my question because I'm struggling with this
• 57:43
  personally right now with the podcast because like I'm having,
• 57:46
  you know, we're posting content, of course.
• 57:48
  So we have the whole episode. I wish.
• 57:50
  I like, I just want to be like, go fucking listen to the whole
• 57:53
  episode. But you know, you have to
• 57:54
  promote it. So I have to make clips of every
• 57:56
  fucking piece of the episode and then I have to find the relevant
• 58:00
  clips and blah, blah, blah, blah, right.
• 58:01
  So, So what has that done to my phone intake?
• 58:05
  Like I'm on my phone a lot. Like I used to be 3 hours of
• 58:09
  social media a day. That was, that was amazing.
• 58:11
  I love that time now, dude, fucking 9.
• 58:14
  It's fun to do that people, if I go to their phone and be like,
• 58:17
  go your phone, go your settings, like let's look at your screen
• 58:19
  time and your total number of pickups and messages and
• 58:22
  everything else. And like, and I say this being
• 58:24
  probably one of the biggest like offendants of that.
• 58:27
  Yeah, you got 2 phones, go to both of them.
• 58:30
  And I'm like, I already know you're doing too much.
• 58:33
  I know I'm really doing too much.
• 58:34
  So I have to really, like, fight it to potentially turn it off.
• 58:37
  So like, how do you do that? Situations like when you go to a
• 58:39
  National Park where you can't, you have no choice.
• 58:42
  I mean, like, yeah, that means say, yeah, force it on yourself.
• 58:45
  Yeah, yeah, 'cause like, I mean, vacations are the only time that
• 58:49
  I'm, that it's helping me where I have them already planned out.
• 58:52
  And I know I'm not going to do that during that time, but like,
• 58:55
  it's the everyday because it's a pattern, you know what I mean?
• 58:58
  And like for me, like anything like when you go, because you're
• 59:00
  a marketer too. So how are you doing it?
• 59:02
  So when you just like when you go to the gym and you're like,
• 59:04
  OK, I have to kind of like force myself to go to the gym.
• 59:06
  And it's a, it's a practice of discipline that like, I don't
• 59:09
  want to go, but I need to go. And it's an emotional discipline
• 59:12
  of like, I'm doing this not because of like, how big of Jack
• 59:15
  can I get. It's more like I need to take on
• 59:17
  the challenge and prove it to myself that I did it.
• 59:19
  So same thing goes with your phone and not using it and
• 59:22
  having the discipline and the fortitude to not check it, not
• 59:25
  go to it. Like resist that urge to go
• 59:27
  constantly. Just pick it up, do it.
• 59:28
  And you don't realize how much you have it till you stop trying
• 59:30
  to do it. Like kind of like not drinking.
• 59:32
  Like you don't realize how much drinking is involved in
• 59:34
  everything until you stop trying to do it.
• 59:37
  That might be it. Then it might just because like
• 59:39
  I'm in a new season of life, I'm learning all the content stuff.
• 59:43
  So one part like I feel the surge of like sometimes I'm you,
• 59:48
  you said this when we were talking at coffee house, you
• 59:51
  were like, I'm a bad influencer. I'm like, fuck, dude.
• 59:54
  Like all the viral stuff. I fucking hate it all that like,
• 59:59
  I think it's just such a game, like you said, and a lot of it
• 1:00:01
  is so performative and I don't want to do it and right.
• 1:00:05
  And. You talk to any influencer
• 1:00:08
  that's actually like got a big name, like they can show you how
• 1:00:10
  much they're having to perform constantly.
• 1:00:11
  And honestly, I didn't want to become one of those because I
• 1:00:13
  see how much they do and I appreciate their hassle and what
• 1:00:16
  they do. And I was like, that's mad
• 1:00:17
  respectful, but I don't want to do that or be that person.
• 1:00:19
  There's some perks that are comfortable, but now it becomes
• 1:00:21
  an obligation and work not, Oh, I get to go enjoy this event in
• 1:00:25
  the situation like I'm working because usually at coffee house
• 1:00:28
  like I'm having to work that thing.
• 1:00:29
  And I told them I was like, I'm not really trying to have this
• 1:00:31
  turn into like a job. I'm trying to enjoy it too.
• 1:00:34
  Like this can't cost you more time or money.
• 1:00:36
  I think you were enjoying it when I when we saw, when we saw
• 1:00:38
  you. I just know it is like when
• 1:00:40
  you're capable, you start to get obligated.
• 1:00:42
  It's like, well, now it's turned into like a chore.
• 1:00:44
  Then it is like something I can enjoy.
• 1:00:47
  Yeah, that's what it is. Part of it is I think also like
• 1:00:51
  being an influencer marketer in today's age.
• 1:00:53
  It's not so much more about how much can I do and put out there.
• 1:00:56
  It used to be how many pieces of content, how much can I just
• 1:01:00
  overload and flood the algorithm.
• 1:01:01
  So everybody sees that, but people and the algorithm are
• 1:01:05
  starting to punish that to where it's like 1 relevant piece of
• 1:01:07
  content can outperform like your hundred shitty ones.
• 1:01:10
  So it's more about like actually, and I was just talking
• 1:01:14
  to Dylan about this that does coffee house with me about that
• 1:01:17
  concept of like marketing isn't all just like advertising and
• 1:01:21
  exposure that people think it is.
• 1:01:22
  And this is where influencers are probably one of the worst at
• 1:01:24
  this because like, cool, you got a hundred 100,000 eyeballs on
• 1:01:27
  that. How much money do you make from
• 1:01:29
  that? Oh, you didn't.
• 1:01:30
  It's just a bunch of ego, clout, vanity metrics, you know, and
• 1:01:33
  like as a marketer myself, as a real estate agent, I'm like, I
• 1:01:35
  don't really care how many likes, comments, engagements to
• 1:01:38
  get. I'm like, who's jumping my DM to
• 1:01:39
  do a business with me because that's where the business
• 1:01:41
  actually happens. But if you look at my social
• 1:01:43
  media credentials or whatever, like I don't get a lot of likes,
• 1:01:46
  comments or whatever, but I don't care because that's not
• 1:01:48
  really why I'm doing it. Like I'm I'm doing it to
• 1:01:50
  actually reach the right people that I need to with the right
• 1:01:53
  message and the right offer. And marketing is kind of going
• 1:01:55
  this way to where it's more of a closer to 1 to one situation.
• 1:01:59
  So I don't need to tell 1000 people for one people person to
• 1:02:02
  take me up. I could tell 100 of the right
• 1:02:03
  people for one person to and then I'm not annoying as many
• 1:02:06
  other people. They just don't want to see the
• 1:02:08
  message. So it's a lot more of a market
• 1:02:11
  to message match. And when you have a market to
• 1:02:13
  message match, that's what social media and these modern
• 1:02:16
  algorithms really measure. But people aren't viewing it
• 1:02:18
  that way. They're viewing it as just how
• 1:02:20
  can I get all these eyeballs, exposures, whatever.
• 1:02:22
  It's like, well, no, those people want what you're
• 1:02:23
  offering, you know, so it's like, who cares if they all see
• 1:02:26
  it and they still don't buy. Like you're just being the
• 1:02:28
  annoying spam marketer at that point.
• 1:02:30
  So it's like you really just want to match the message to
• 1:02:33
  your audience so well that these people want to want to
• 1:02:36
  participate in it and then have such a really engaged audience
• 1:02:39
  that those 100 people that are watching are really bought into
• 1:02:41
  what you're doing. And you really don't need a big
• 1:02:44
  audience like people think you do.
• 1:02:45
  Yeah, I think it's the levels to what you're saying too, because
• 1:02:48
  like, you know what, you want the goal out of it.
• 1:02:51
  But like, and then and then you recognize the manipulation
• 1:02:55
  that's in the apps and the algorithm and in all this.
• 1:02:58
  So then you have all this noise of the school that you have and
• 1:03:01
  you're like, I know I want this, but I know that people are
• 1:03:06
  getting engagement in this other fat fashion.
• 1:03:09
  And because this is the what the algorithm is telling me.
• 1:03:12
  And then you're like, so do I need a pivot?
• 1:03:14
  And then you're like in this constant stuck of like, that's
• 1:03:17
  not who I am. And then and then if you don't
• 1:03:20
  know who you are, you're going to go chase that hardest
• 1:03:23
  question that anybody can ever ask is like, who am I?
• 1:03:26
  Yeah, who am I and what do I want?
• 1:03:28
  That's a fundamental question that all humans have.
• 1:03:30
  And then the biggest one that all of this marketing really
• 1:03:33
  ties down to is am I good enough?
• 1:03:35
  And usually everything you're being sold is trying to satisfy
• 1:03:38
  that emotional need of am I good enough?
• 1:03:40
  Every purchase satisfies some type of emotional need, even the
• 1:03:43
  high end, like super rich ones. Usually it's a status thing
• 1:03:46
  because like usually people are like, why do you need this big
• 1:03:48
  of a house? You don't, but you want it and
• 1:03:49
  it feels some type of emotional need.
• 1:03:51
  And I'm not going to tell you you can't do it.
• 1:03:52
  But usually I know that's why they're actually buying
• 1:03:55
  something is some emotional need that they hide behind the logic
• 1:03:57
  of No, that's true. When I got my first house, I was
• 1:04:00
  like, I was really adamant like this is I don't need something
• 1:04:03
  big. Stop trying to look at big stuff
• 1:04:05
  like 1, I can't afford it. And then and but then like banks
• 1:04:08
  want to give you the money. So like don't fall into that
• 1:04:11
  trap. You know what I mean?
• 1:04:12
  And it's like, OK, I don't need that.
• 1:04:14
  I don't need that, but I want it.
• 1:04:17
  Like my family comes over and I'm like, this is the time need
• 1:04:19
  you're trying to fill from that. You want it, but what's it,
• 1:04:21
  What's the emotional need you're trying to fill there?
• 1:04:24
  Yeah. So like, I think like for me,
• 1:04:26
  when I want the big house, I so my family will come and visit
• 1:04:30
  and I have a big family and for me, my home is a good size.
• 1:04:35
  For me, it's a 3 bed. It's just me.
• 1:04:38
  And you know, it's perfect for me when my family comes.
• 1:04:43
  Who? My two older siblings are
• 1:04:46
  married and they have three kids each.
• 1:04:48
  I'm like this is a small ass house, we do not fit.
• 1:04:51
  We don't have enough room to escape each other.
• 1:04:55
  And that's when I'm like, I need a bigger home.
• 1:04:58
  Or like when I think about like wanting to move to another city,
• 1:05:01
  I'm like, I do not want to give up the space I have.
• 1:05:04
  Like where am I ever going to? Yeah, I'm like, where am I ever
• 1:05:08
  going to get this site, this square footage in a bigger
• 1:05:11
  location? At this point, I've really, I
• 1:05:14
  mean, like I could probably downsize to A2 bed.
• 1:05:16
  That's fine, because so my home, I don't have another city.
• 1:05:21
  What makes me want to I think like I got ideas, but I'm
• 1:05:24
  curious to hear where you're coming from on that.
• 1:05:26
  I have always, so I've always want I, I really for me, I think
• 1:05:33
  Wichita is diverse. I'm OK, I'm kind of putting this
• 1:05:36
  to diversity. So let me let me answer for
• 1:05:38
  myself and then I'll answer for Wichita.
• 1:05:40
  Suck it. So for myself, I've always just
• 1:05:43
  been very like, I want to try something else.
• 1:05:46
  I've always wanted to work abroad in another country or I
• 1:05:51
  just, I just want to be a in a place that is, it's very diverse
• 1:05:56
  and I'm walking down the street and I'm hearing multiple
• 1:06:00
  languages. That's that's for me, my
• 1:06:03
  happiest place. And when I travel, like I really
• 1:06:07
  enjoy that Wichita is diverse, but what sucks about our
• 1:06:11
  diversity is how segregated we are and say, yeah, it's very
• 1:06:15
  like in their own community. So it makes a lot.
• 1:06:17
  Yeah, yes. And and that's, that's what I
• 1:06:20
  don't like about us, is that like we're very segregated.
• 1:06:25
  In order to find what I'm looking for, I have to go to a
• 1:06:27
  certain spot to town where they're at.
• 1:06:29
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:06:30
  Because Wichita is very diverse. It is.
• 1:06:32
  Yeah. The group really highlighted
• 1:06:34
  that, I think. And it showed different people
• 1:06:35
  how much like food culture we have going on here and just
• 1:06:39
  different cultures we have going on around here.
• 1:06:40
  They just weren't really put out there or, you know, people just
• 1:06:44
  stay in their their own pocket of community and they just
• 1:06:46
  didn't even know this other stuff exists to even go try it.
• 1:06:48
  So that's why I like how much it's highlighted how much
• 1:06:51
  culture we do have here because even people are from here, like
• 1:06:54
  I'd would have friends and family are from here that always
• 1:06:56
  be like, oh, which da sucks? I'm moving away.
• 1:06:58
  And I was like, well, you're kind of right.
• 1:07:00
  But like it doesn't suck anymore.
• 1:07:01
  Like last Saint Patrick's Day during the parade and the events
• 1:07:05
  and everything that was going on and everybody was out and I was
• 1:07:08
  like, I just had that like epiphany of like, which da
• 1:07:10
  doesn't suck anymore? It used to suck like 10 years
• 1:07:12
  ago. It doesn't suck now.
• 1:07:13
  Like it's fun. Like we got a lot of cool shit
• 1:07:15
  going on, like cool events, cool culture, like stuff going on
• 1:07:18
  just yes, it's not like in your face like a big major sports
• 1:07:22
  team is, but we have a lot of cool community connections and
• 1:07:24
  culture and features of events. Just you got to get out of your
• 1:07:27
  house and go do it. Yeah, it's not going to come to
• 1:07:29
  you just sitting in your house. You got to go like participate.
• 1:07:32
  I think that's hard sometimes for people to like do it because
• 1:07:35
  it's Wichita's such a who who's all over there?
• 1:07:38
  It is. Yes, yes, who's over there?
• 1:07:40
  I was about to say that. It's like, who's there?
• 1:07:43
  Yes, who's over there? I'll go if so and so's there.
• 1:07:45
  So I'm they're not I'm not going.
• 1:07:46
  Yeah, I'm not from Wichita. I'm or as in like, I didn't grow
• 1:07:50
  up here. I moved here.
• 1:07:52
  I've been here for a long time now.
• 1:07:54
  I've been here for 10 years. But so I've lived here my whole
• 1:07:57
  life. So I've kind of seen like the,
• 1:07:59
  the evolution, you've seen them and I've traveled to a lot of
• 1:08:02
  other places too. So I can kind of be, I can see
• 1:08:04
  how it could be here, but also it will never be that way
• 1:08:07
  either. And you kind of don't want it to
• 1:08:08
  be. So that's what kind of because
• 1:08:10
  it's the pros and cons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:13
  Is that we are so small and approachable like other cities
• 1:08:15
  like aren't as much just between access to people like business
• 1:08:19
  owners, local government, all that.
• 1:08:21
  We have way more access here than you do in other cities.
• 1:08:23
  That's true. Like yeah, I've actually heard a
• 1:08:25
  lot of like really good stuff around our government and stuff
• 1:08:29
  here and commute times like driving.
• 1:08:31
  Oh yeah, we don't drive for shit.
• 1:08:33
  That's true. Other places through that.
• 1:08:36
  So you have a really like no only.
• 1:08:39
  Because you said commute times again, some of my brain was like
• 1:08:43
  punching. It's way too nerdy.
• 1:08:48
  Except Wichita drives the speed limit under That is the weirdest
• 1:08:52
  thing ever. Like, I can't tell how many
• 1:08:53
  people are going 35 and a 40 that I'm like, come on, this is
• 1:08:57
  not safe. Let's go.
• 1:08:58
  I'm around. I'm around everybody that's
• 1:09:00
  speeding. Last night when I was driving
• 1:09:02
  home, everybody was speeding. Really.
• 1:09:05
  I was like, I'm going 65 already and everybody.
• 1:09:08
  So it's like 1 or the other. It's like 5 under or 20 over.
• 1:09:12
  At the same time, at the same time, though, I was behind
• 1:09:15
  somebody who's going like 58 and I was like, fucking move it,
• 1:09:17
  man, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:09:20
  Yeah, what are you doing here? Go drive on the small Rd.
• 1:09:23
  Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:09:24
  You're like, don't get in the broom broom lane if you're not
• 1:09:27
  going to broom, broom, Yeah. Hate when they don't broom,
• 1:09:31
  broom, Yeah. Or just get in the right lane,
• 1:09:35
  which has always been a good home base.
• 1:09:37
  Like, it's fun to travel and adventure from here, but it's a
• 1:09:39
  good, like, home base. I agree with that.
• 1:09:41
  Like, I mean, I wish. The only thing that I don't like
• 1:09:45
  is how small our airport. I like how small our airport is
• 1:09:49
  for TSA reasons. Yeah, I get shit.
• 1:09:52
  I'm pulling. I'm pulling up when it's like,
• 1:09:54
  yeah, yeah, I'm pulling up when it's like.
• 1:09:57
  Yeah, and if it's at 5:00 AM when you're on the red eye, it's
• 1:09:59
  not that bad. It is so not.
• 1:10:02
  And then I have TSA Pre-check now, so I'm just like, yeah, I
• 1:10:06
  don't care. We just don't quite have the
• 1:10:07
  population size for the big city stuff that we want to do.
• 1:10:10
  Like we just don't have the numbers.
• 1:10:12
  Like, I think it's unfortunate. We're trying.
• 1:10:14
  We're getting there, but it's just we don't have 2 million
• 1:10:16
  people. Yeah.
• 1:10:17
  Or it's like when you start to travel and you start to see what
• 1:10:19
  it could become, and that's where you're like, fuck, but we
• 1:10:22
  can do that here. You just need more people.
• 1:10:25
  Is it more people or is it like opening up?
• 1:10:28
  You know what I mean? It's more people.
• 1:10:31
  But it's, and I've said this before about the whole like
• 1:10:33
  local Wichita thing, which is awesome.
• 1:10:35
  I'm very civically proud of my city and all that stuff is fun,
• 1:10:39
  but it's all kind of just lipstick if you don't actually
• 1:10:41
  have an economic driver moving it.
• 1:10:43
  We need more jobs. We need more economic
• 1:10:44
  opportunities for stuff to actually happen.
• 1:10:48
  Yeah, that's fair. I see what you're saying.
• 1:10:50
  Economic drivers, like if you look at these other cities that
• 1:10:52
  have grown and got big, it's because there's some major
• 1:10:54
  industrial economic driver that made it happen, which Todd
• 1:10:57
  doesn't really have a new version of that.
• 1:10:59
  Like we got coke, we got Cessna in the biomedical campus will
• 1:11:03
  help, but it's like we need more than that if we're really going
• 1:11:06
  to grow like a blow up. So like when Austin blew up real
• 1:11:11
  estate wise and population wise, it's because Tesla and a bunch
• 1:11:13
  of other companies went there. So if you look at like the prime
• 1:11:16
  mover, which is industrial businesses moves at all, that's
• 1:11:19
  what we really need here. But without getting too far into
• 1:11:22
  it, like we're our own problem when it comes to that with the
• 1:11:24
  city and government and everything else.
• 1:11:26
  Like, you know, I try not to get political into that stuff and
• 1:11:28
  you can't help it when you start really.
• 1:11:30
  Like that's what's dictating it all.
• 1:11:32
  Unfortunately, when we're talking about the billionaires
• 1:11:34
  of the world, they're now political.
• 1:11:36
  Yeah. I mean, because they're
• 1:11:37
  controlling everything, what a lot of politics is, and we're
• 1:11:39
  coming to find out, especially in Kansas.
• 1:11:41
  They're like what? I just got to pay you this much
• 1:11:44
  and I get like write some rules pretty much.
• 1:11:47
  Like that's that's it in a nutshell.
• 1:11:48
  Hell yeah, I'm about to win this game.
• 1:11:51
  And then it's not always like money too.
• 1:11:53
  It's just like who do you personally know?
• 1:11:54
  So that is a good thing about Wichita though, is you can make
• 1:11:56
  those personal connections where like you can't a lot of other
• 1:11:59
  cities and situations. So there is a lot more influence
• 1:12:02
  we can have on these things. Yeah.
• 1:12:04
  Have it go like where we want to and that's.
• 1:12:06
  That that's one thing I like too.
• 1:12:07
  We were recently at like a event that was going on at the NASCAR
• 1:12:11
  park. And then, you know, our local
• 1:12:13
  government was there having fun too.
• 1:12:14
  And they'll be like, hey, look at that.
• 1:12:16
  Right. Still take a shot with them,
• 1:12:17
  just. To see Lily all the time, yeah,
• 1:12:20
  yeah, no, that, that is what is really kind of weird though.
• 1:12:24
  Did different than other cities where we still have a city
• 1:12:27
  manager and the mayor is not really in charge of a lot of
• 1:12:29
  stuff. Like she's kind of there as more
• 1:12:31
  of a political figurehead, spokesperson, kind of a
• 1:12:34
  cheerleader, ambassador, more to the type of thing.
• 1:12:37
  And. She can influence things, but
• 1:12:39
  she's not really the one making decisions, calling the shots.
• 1:12:41
  The city manager is. That's the person who's
• 1:12:43
  actually, like, pulling the strings of where things go, but
• 1:12:45
  they're not like, usually publicly out there.
• 1:12:47
  And people don't know who they are.
• 1:12:49
  So that's what it's like when you get involved, like how the
• 1:12:51
  system works, it makes more sense.
• 1:12:52
  But also like that doesn't work very well.
• 1:12:55
  Partly I think why our taxes are so high.
• 1:12:57
  But that's a whole nother like big state level thing that at
• 1:13:02
  certain point like how much can I do?
• 1:13:03
  I want to fight this system and situation other than just like
• 1:13:07
  find out a little niche and pocket of success that works for
• 1:13:09
  me and call it good. It's it's just so hard because
• 1:13:13
  the United States is so big. Yeah.
• 1:13:15
  And then like because we have state, so it's the United States
• 1:13:19
  federal and then we have states which states have their own
• 1:13:21
  rights and say, and then we still have our own cities and
• 1:13:25
  then we have our own counties. And so like all of these have
• 1:13:28
  have a lot of say. And then I think people don't
• 1:13:31
  recognize how much like we only for the people who vote, they'll
• 1:13:36
  only vote at the federal level, you know, like actual time for
• 1:13:40
  presidents, but like they don't vote at the local level.
• 1:13:43
  And like, that's where it really matters, though.
• 1:13:45
  Like if you care about what's happening in your city and you
• 1:13:47
  want to make something better for whatever headspace you're
• 1:13:50
  in, right? I don't know that goes both
• 1:13:53
  ways. But like, that's where you
• 1:13:55
  really do have say here in the US but then that and that's what
• 1:13:59
  really affects you the most too. Yeah.
• 1:14:01
  Like that's what's actually going to personally directly
• 1:14:03
  affect you the most. And you do have a lot more say,
• 1:14:05
  but you have to go participate. You can't just complain about it
• 1:14:08
  then not do anything about it. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:14:11
  You know, so that's very available here.
• 1:14:12
  But I get it. Like people are busy with
• 1:14:14
  everything else they're doing. It's like I don't really have
• 1:14:16
  time to go participate in this because I'm or it's just really
• 1:14:20
  hard. It's affecting me.
• 1:14:21
  So it's like, well, I'm saying like it's hard because like how
• 1:14:25
  to find that information, like how to be informed on them.
• 1:14:30
  It's actually not easy. No, it's not.
• 1:14:32
  It's it's really hard. And like people, that's where
• 1:14:35
  people don't have time. Yeah.
• 1:14:36
  And that's where people don't have time because which does
• 1:14:39
  kind of like you got to be in the know, know the right people
• 1:14:41
  place still, which can be good or bad, like yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:14:44
  And there's a lot of research involved.
• 1:14:46
  And like, when we come, when we think of that, like, nobody
• 1:14:49
  fucking wants to do that, right? Like, you get down into a
• 1:14:52
  fucking rabbit hole and you're like, wait, there's more.
• 1:14:54
  Yeah, wait. I still don't get this.
• 1:14:56
  Who do I ask? Chachi PT Yeah, it's hard.
• 1:15:02
  Fuck, dude. I love how you were like, yeah,
• 1:15:05
  I don't want to get into that. We got into it.
• 1:15:08
  We're going to always do no, I love all of this.
• 1:15:12
  I want to we're going to switch over to this thing that we call
• 1:15:15
  lightning round. OK, And in lightning round, I'm
• 1:15:19
  going to I'm going to use my phone for this because I always
• 1:15:24
  write these down. These are the knee jerk
• 1:15:26
  reactions of like, yes, this is The thing is I've learned to not
• 1:15:29
  knee jerk react so much because usually your first reaction or
• 1:15:31
  thought or feeling isn't like what you actually want to be.
• 1:15:34
  Sometimes it is, but not always. Well, these questions are not
• 1:15:37
  super thought provoking. They're a little more fun.
• 1:15:39
  So hopefully they're the it's OK.
• 1:15:41
  You know, it's also just my overthinking anxious brain right
• 1:15:44
  there. And it was it was the coffee.
• 1:15:46
  That's the coffee. I get it, I get, I get it.
• 1:15:49
  What is your go to comfort food when life is trash, man?
• 1:15:55
  Pasta. Pasta.
• 1:15:57
  Yeah. Or BBQ?
• 1:15:59
  Yeah, like a lot of different ones.
• 1:16:01
  Yeah. Fair, fair, fair.
• 1:16:02
  A lot of times it's Little Saigon the next morning, get a
• 1:16:08
  Cafe Sou doll and then Trabao, Pork barn and the crab Rangoon.
• 1:16:12
  Nice. And you already know the order.
• 1:16:14
  Yeah, it was. Yeah.
• 1:16:16
  Something happened recently. That's just my go to.
• 1:16:20
  It's a It's an overrated food trend.
• 1:16:23
  Yeah, overrated food trend. I don't, I don't know.
• 1:16:32
  That's a good question. That's where I don't really get
• 1:16:34
  into the food that much. I get into the booze more.
• 1:16:36
  What's an overrated drink trend then?
• 1:16:40
  Not drinking? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
• 1:16:44
  True. That's probably the biggest one.
• 1:16:46
  True. True.
• 1:16:46
  OK, One habit that changed your seltzers.
• 1:16:49
  That's probably, let's say, the overrated drinking trend.
• 1:16:52
  The seltzers. Yeah.
• 1:16:53
  Like, why does everything got to be carbonated?
• 1:16:56
  I'm tired. Of there's a lot of different
• 1:16:58
  seltzers though, but because of my arthritis, that's what I get
• 1:17:02
  to drink. Otherwise it's just going to
• 1:17:03
  have to be like cocktails and liquors for me.
• 1:17:05
  I can't do beers anymore, so the seltzer's.
• 1:17:08
  Help for me I was. Starting to get away from beer,
• 1:17:10
  too. Like, I grew up drinking, you
• 1:17:12
  know, 30 packs of natural light. I was like, you couldn't pay me
• 1:17:15
  enough to do that anymore. And then got into craft beers
• 1:17:17
  and I'm just like, it just makes me so full.
• 1:17:19
  Like, I appreciate the liquor. Yeah.
• 1:17:21
  And I have enough self-control to not just pound them.
• 1:17:24
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:17:26
  I hear that. I hear that one habit that
• 1:17:30
  changed your life. One habit that changed my life.
• 1:17:34
  Probably meditation. I use a guided meditation app on
• 1:17:38
  my phone. And just that, practicing being
• 1:17:43
  still and pausing and just being present.
• 1:17:46
  Like when I went down to Big Bend, it was so silent and so
• 1:17:50
  dark. And people don't realize how
• 1:17:52
  loud that can be and uncomfortable that could be.
• 1:17:54
  But it's very good for you. I see what you're saying to
• 1:17:56
  completely disconnect from all the stimulation and craziness
• 1:18:00
  going on. So, and it's, it was a
• 1:18:03
  meditative like experience. Like when you do that, like it
• 1:18:05
  was just sunset, it was sunset. Like you could feel the sun on
• 1:18:08
  your face. And it's just me like out there
• 1:18:10
  on my own just chilling, like almost where you start to hear
• 1:18:12
  like a ringing noise in your ears where it's like you tune
• 1:18:15
  into the frequency, everything and you connect with something
• 1:18:17
  bigger than yourself, like in a meditative state.
• 1:18:20
  It was amazing. It was cool because I got sat
• 1:18:22
  down on this hill right by my chair.
• 1:18:24
  And it's like, sometimes you just get these like downloads
• 1:18:26
  that just like hit you with like an epiphany of like a
• 1:18:28
  realization. And for whatever reason, like I
• 1:18:31
  sat down and that message came to me.
• 1:18:33
  That is like the point of life is to persevere.
• 1:18:35
  Because I was trying to figure out like, I don't know, the
• 1:18:38
  whole human existence thing of like why you kind of sometimes
• 1:18:41
  feel so like meaningless or directionless.
• 1:18:43
  And it's like humans need something to persevere for
• 1:18:47
  against like the the pursuit of happiness.
• 1:18:49
  It's not getting the happiness, it's the pursuit of it.
• 1:18:51
  Like we need something to strive for, to persevere for it even
• 1:18:54
  when the shit's hard, not thinking it's always going to be
• 1:18:56
  good all the time. Like it's going to be bad too.
• 1:18:58
  But the point of like the human experience is to persevere.
• 1:19:01
  Like does what other choice do you got for sure?
• 1:19:04
  I mean, and shit and then put you in those like meditative
• 1:19:08
  states because a lot of it comes into like, you know, boring
• 1:19:11
  situations. You need boredom because that's
• 1:19:13
  where creativity comes from. And that's usually where you
• 1:19:16
  need just like the Dead Space for shit to just quote UN quote
• 1:19:19
  hit you. You're so busy and your brain's
• 1:19:21
  so full on the time, you never have the chance for those things
• 1:19:24
  to come in. And I think we're just always
• 1:19:26
  going so much constantly. Like you need to be still
• 1:19:29
  sometimes with that shit come to you and be OK with that.
• 1:19:32
  I love that one. Shit just fucking hits me out of
• 1:19:34
  nowhere and I'm like thank God because sometimes like I'll get
• 1:19:37
  stuck on something. I'm like, all right, fuck it.
• 1:19:39
  I'm I don't worry about right now.
• 1:19:41
  And then later on and they boom, it comes.
• 1:19:44
  And it's usually not when you're like, out, you know, too
• 1:19:47
  preoccupied or something. You might be like walking or
• 1:19:49
  taking the action, but you're like, my brain is blank and it's
• 1:19:52
  ready for something to come in. And you have to, like, allow
• 1:19:54
  that. I think it's just our modern
• 1:19:56
  world doesn't allow us to be bored.
• 1:19:58
  And you know, you have kids or people be like, I'm bored.
• 1:20:00
  It's like, OK, cool, go create something, go do something from
• 1:20:03
  it. Like that's where the need comes
• 1:20:05
  to satisfy that that you generate it from yourself
• 1:20:08
  instead of looking for it out lately.
• 1:20:10
  And in Wichita, you have a lot of time for that.
• 1:20:12
  Like you have time to be bored and to meditate, to be paused
• 1:20:15
  and be still. And I think that's a good point,
• 1:20:17
  which is a good thing about Wichita, a good, but it's also
• 1:20:20
  why if you're not great drama because they're bored.
• 1:20:24
  Are they getting people's stuff? They got problems, like they got
• 1:20:26
  to create something because they're bored.
• 1:20:28
  That's fair. That's fair.
• 1:20:30
  Yeah. So if you like boredom in peace,
• 1:20:32
  like Wichita is your place. It's a very meditative place.
• 1:20:37
  Can be. It's a guilty pleasure you have.
• 1:20:41
  Guilty pleasure that I can admit on this podcast.
• 1:20:44
  Guilty pleasure show or content or Yeah, just pleasuring guilty
• 1:20:53
  pleasure. A guilty pleasure show or
• 1:20:56
  content that's helpful Content. Yeah, show our content.
• 1:21:01
  Oh, you know what I mean Yeah. I, I watch Nate the hoof guy,
• 1:21:05
  which is a guy who like trims cows, hooves, hooves.
• 1:21:12
  I don't know, it's really so it's so peaceful.
• 1:21:16
  Well, I, I give you saying of like the pleasure thing, It's
• 1:21:18
  just the guilty part that messes with me 'cause like guilt and
• 1:21:21
  shame, I've really realized how much that like holds more people
• 1:21:25
  back than like fear does. Fear is obvious and in your
• 1:21:27
  face. Guilt and shame is super subtle
• 1:21:29
  and we don't realize how much it dictates everybody's behavior on
• 1:21:32
  guilt and shame. So like I have things on
• 1:21:35
  pleasure, but I don't feel guilty about it because there's
• 1:21:36
  a lot of things I've unconditioned myself to feel
• 1:21:38
  guilty about or to feel shameful about because it's not shameful
• 1:21:42
  or guilty like, but I'm making myself feel that way.
• 1:21:44
  One of my favorite sayings ever that I teach people on is like,
• 1:21:47
  if a man spits in your face, he doesn't make you mad.
• 1:21:49
  He just makes you wet you, you make yourself mad.
• 1:21:52
  It's your decision. See, and I love getting people's
• 1:21:56
  reactions off of this shit too, because some people are like,
• 1:21:59
  no, fuck that. I'd punch that guy in the face.
• 1:22:06
  Like it's proven my point exactly.
• 1:22:11
  But it's like you're in charge of the way you feel about things
• 1:22:13
  more than like, you realize, like you don't want to outsource
• 1:22:16
  that to someone else. Like, you know, and, and Alex
• 1:22:19
  Hermosi, who's like today's best, most modern marketer.
• 1:22:22
  Do you follow him at all? Definitely should, because he
• 1:22:25
  gets into a lot of this life stuff too.
• 1:22:28
  And he was talking about like, one of the quickest ways to get
• 1:22:30
  over something is just to decide like, it doesn't mean anything
• 1:22:34
  to you anymore or it doesn't feel that way anymore.
• 1:22:36
  Like it's just that quick to be a decision.
• 1:22:38
  People think they got to go through this whole process and
• 1:22:40
  thing or just be like, but sometimes we do.
• 1:22:43
  I don't have to feel bad about that.
• 1:22:45
  Like, why am I feeling bad about that?
• 1:22:46
  Where is that guilt and shame coming from other than I'm
• 1:22:48
  putting it on myself? Or I could just go, I'm not
• 1:22:51
  going to feel guilty and shameful about that because it's
• 1:22:52
  not guilty or shameful behavior. So why am I attributing that
• 1:22:56
  like to guilty pleasure? It puts back to people pleasing,
• 1:22:59
  back to people pleasing. Well, I kind of along the same
• 1:23:04
  lines. Hold on.
• 1:23:08
  One thing men should talk about more probably their emotions and
• 1:23:14
  their feelings, they just don't know how to like in a in a manly
• 1:23:19
  way that they feel comfortable expressing it.
• 1:23:21
  That I think when they do, it's got to be the right safe place
• 1:23:25
  and container for them to do that.
• 1:23:27
  I think we're not allowed to express ourselves in a lot of
• 1:23:29
  situations where we haven't. And so it comes out very
• 1:23:32
  violently, very angrily, very destructively, and we need a
• 1:23:36
  place for that to go. Otherwise, it's going to go
• 1:23:39
  somewhere and it's usually not in a good place if they don't
• 1:23:42
  deal with it, you know. And historically, a lot of
• 1:23:45
  therapy or coaching work has been more geared towards the
• 1:23:48
  feminine and catering to women that needs to be handled that
• 1:23:52
  way. But there's a whole group like
• 1:23:53
  of men that need it too. But that's a different style and
• 1:23:56
  fashion than it is for, for women for that.
• 1:23:59
  So I think a lot of men are silently like in crisis more
• 1:24:02
  than people realize. Yeah, for sure how much they're
• 1:24:05
  hurting. And I think it's like 80% of
• 1:24:07
  suicides are men. So it's like, we won't admit it,
• 1:24:11
  but we're the ones that need it the most.
• 1:24:13
  Yeah. I mean, it goes back to learning
• 1:24:16
  to let go of what we thought was masculinity in a healthy way.
• 1:24:20
  And it's not well. And I think that's what's
• 1:24:23
  getting figured out that a new version of it needs to come
• 1:24:25
  about. But I think a lot of people are
• 1:24:27
  confused of what that means or, or what the real version of it
• 1:24:30
  is, you know, not the conditioned Western version of
• 1:24:32
  it. And, and there's so many people
• 1:24:34
  that have different opinions on what that looks like and how it
• 1:24:36
  should be. And kind of the same way of just
• 1:24:39
  success in general for people. It's like you have everybody and
• 1:24:42
  their brother trying to tell you what's successful, what's math,
• 1:24:44
  what's healthy, what's not. It's like, how do you appease
• 1:24:46
  all these people you don't like? You just have to figure out what
• 1:24:49
  works for you and then just own that and be able to defend it.
• 1:24:53
  And that's usually the hardest part that people have is like,
• 1:24:55
  this is what I'm doing kind of whether you like it or not or
• 1:24:58
  agree with it or not, because it works for me like, and I think
• 1:25:00
  that's a hard place for people to get to like that because
• 1:25:04
  someone's always going to have something to say.
• 1:25:07
  There's no way to make everyone happy.
• 1:25:08
  Like show me some person that has hasn't doesn't exist.
• 1:25:13
  So. What deserves a toast right now?
• 1:25:17
  Man, did you guys hanging out? Are we your favorite podcast?
• 1:25:25
  Sure. My favorite 1 today all.
• 1:25:32
  Right, last one, then fill in the blank.
• 1:25:35
  Here's to you. You OK?
• 1:25:38
  OK, Cute. OK, Well, Ben, now we've heard a
• 1:25:41
  little bit about you, your passions, your interests, some
• 1:25:44
  of your geeky knee stuff. So it's gone.
• 1:25:47
  Tell us and our listeners where we can find you and where we can
• 1:25:50
  support you. Probably Instagram would be the
• 1:25:53
  the best one. BG Myers, 08.
• 1:25:56
  And then, you know, I'm on Facebook too, but it's a lot of
• 1:25:59
  the same stuff. I just cross post with it all.
• 1:26:01
  And then yeah, that'd probably be the best one, Facebook and
• 1:26:05
  Instagram. OK, well, Barbara woof barbaco.
• 1:26:10
  Cheers pas Centro π padentro. That means inside.
• 1:26:14
  So what's all that man? That's Croatian for cheers.