Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 633: Does No Contact Work More Than Once?

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Episode 633: Does No Contact Work More Than Once? · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  This week I want to talk about whether no contact will work
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  twice if you're in no contact. And if you've broken it, you're
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  going to wonder, Oh no, will it work again?
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  Or if you were broken up with or had to break up with someone and
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  then got back together and then broke up again.
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  Will it work again? Well, I have a success story
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  here, a semi success story as you'll see.
• 0:32
  So stay tuned. But first I want to welcome back
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  my beautiful no contact army. Thank you so much to everyone
• 0:39
  who has downloaded this Silencio app and if you haven't, make
• 0:45
  sure you do so that you'll be able to stay in no contact.
• 0:47
  The link for that is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:50
  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
• 0:53
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the bell
• 0:58
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 1:01
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read two pre chapters before
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  you purchase the book. All right, I have an e-mail here
• 1:09
  from a follower and let us begin.
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  First, I want to say that I never doubted you.
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  I thought if anything would work, it would be no contact.
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  Either he would contact me or I wouldn't be missing much.
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  That's a great attitude. I wish everyone had that
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  attitude, but your 45 to 60 day knowledge impressed me.
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  I'm 37 and my ex is 34. In November of 2022, after three
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  years together, he broke up with me.
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  The relationship wasn't good and he just called it quits.
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  He was taking me for granted and micro cheating like liking girls
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  sexy pictures on social media or adding unknown girls.
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  So I know this whole thing about liking girls, sexy pictures, and
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  women get upset by that. It's like, how do you even have
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  time to see what pictures he's liking?
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  Why are you spying on him first of all?
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  And secondly, if it's girls he's never going to meet, if it's
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  just popular IG girls or whatever, then who cares if he's
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  liking? If anything, I would be more
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  concerned that he's wasting his time liking photos rather than
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  the fact that he's liking the photos.
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  It's the fact that that's what he's wasting his time doing
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  that. To me, that's the bigger issue.
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  But people get insecure. They're like, oh, he liked her
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  photo, OK, but she lives halfway around the world.
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  Who cares? OK, so to continue.
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  And yes, my cat is here. All of a sudden, he broke up
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  kind of impulsively. He was in the house for two
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  hours, packing very slowly. I'm pretty sure waiting for me
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  to beg him not to leave. I did not.
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  Well, thank God I was obviously crying, but I didn't beg him or
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  question his decision, not even once.
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  I'm the best soldier because I'm the most disciplined person I
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  know. So when I say I won't contact
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  him, trust me, I won't. OK, OK, I get it.
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  Good for you. But I was devastated.
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  I kept track of everything he was doing and saw that since the
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  day after the breakup, he was adding girls, Shirley from
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  Tinder on his social media again, checking to see what
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  they're doing. You know, if it's going to, it
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  hurts. You like people with their own
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  worst enemies. If you can't handle seeing
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  someone adding people, then don't look.
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  I mean, right, even the categories that would kill me,
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  how he would move on so fast. OK, let me stop and talk about
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  that. First of all, who said it was
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  fast? You're assuming it was fast.
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  How do you know that? He hadn't emotionally left the
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  relationship four or five, six months earlier.
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  So then it really wouldn't be that fast, would it?
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  And secondly, how do you know that that's not his way of
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  coping? By seemingly moving on?
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  He's just distracting himself. He's not moving on.
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  And thirdly, if you're upset because you know, you say, oh,
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  it killed me that I moved on, you're taking it personally.
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  It's not about you, OK? And you're basing yourself
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  esteem on how long it takes someone to move on when it has
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  absolutely nothing to do with you.
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  Like how much? How What would have made you
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  feel better? If he took a year to move on,
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  then would you have been OK six months?
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  Like, what's the time frame? You know it has absolutely
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  nothing to do with you, so there's no point in getting
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  upset. Oh, he moved on so fast,
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  therefore I am XYZ. No, he moved on so fast,
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  therefore he is XYZ. You're out of the equation.
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  All right. His birthday was one month
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  following the breakup. I didn't call good.
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  But on that day, he interacted with my stories, voted on a poll
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  that I had. Also.
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  Clearly they call my attention. Obviously, a little after that,
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  he stopped watching my stories. I wasn't watching his since the
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  breakup. Good.
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  After the 60th day, he liked one of my posts on Instagram.
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  And three or four days after that, he reached out with a very
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  significant message. See, he liked your post.
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  He didn't do anything. He would listen to me.
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  You didn't think, Oh my God, he wants to get back together.
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  I'm going to reach out. And then he saw that you did not
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  have any response to him like in your post, and he sends me
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  significant. He said he realized I was the
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  woman of his life, that he wanted to have a life with me
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  and if I was still single, he'd like to get back, go back to our
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  home. We got back together.
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  Notice how she did not say anything about asking the six
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  questions. A grievous error, as you will
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  soon see. He gave me some insight about
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  how things were for him. He said he stopped watching the
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  stories. Now listen to this because it
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  was hurting him. I was travelling for months,
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  see. So sometimes when your ex
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  watches your stories, it's not like, Oh no, they moved on.
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  They're not watching my stories. Maybe because you're having too
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  much fun. Maybe because you're taking my
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  advice and living your life and levelling up and they can't
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  handle it. OK, that could be the other
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  explanation. Don't be so negative.
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  And she continues and questioned me for why I didn't call on his
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  birthday. He was surely expecting it.
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  Exactly. They break up with you, but they
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  still expect you to contact them on their birthday.
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  And then when they don't, they stop watching your stories and
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  follow you. They do something to signal
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  like, huh, I'm not talking to you anymore.
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  I'm not going to watch your story or yeah, watch your
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  stories because you didn't wish me happy birthday even though I
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  broke up with you. Get out of here with that.
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  And by the way, if you are enjoying this, then please be
• 6:39
  sure to give this video a like in order to help the YouTube
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  algorithm to suggest it to other people so we can help other
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  people find this video OK, she continues.
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  Fast forward, I broke up with him again a few months later.
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  OK, sorry, that's what you get for not asking the six
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  questions, 6 questions, not the six questions.
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  I found out he had cheated on me.
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  It says there weren't. There wasn't any physical
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  intimacy yet. I don't know if I believe it,
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  but regardless, he went on a date with at least one person.
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  He was texting her and another girl on a daily basis, including
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  on a trip we had together. Not on a trip to Jesus.
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  He reached out. I didn't change my mind.
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  Around 45 days after his last contact, he messaged again.
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  It was a breadcrumb, but I decided to answer.
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  We got back together, but I broke up with him a month later
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  because he didn't compromise and also because you didn't ask the
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  six questions. So it's been almost 40 days.
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  I'm in no contact. He reached out one week after
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  and I ignored. I don't know if he'll reach out
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  anymore. Yeah, he probably will because
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  you keep taking him back. Why wouldn't he?
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  I won't contact him because he cheated.
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  It took me for granted so many times.
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  OK. I'd be lying if I said I don't
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  love him anymore. What does that have to do with
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  the price of tea in China? What's love got to do with it?
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  How about you love yourself? You know he cheated and took you
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  for granted and and you're writing to me, so it's not
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  because you just want to tell me the story.
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  Because here comes her big question.
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  Do you think he might come back? And if so, as a different human
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  as you want a different human. If you want a different human, I
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  suggest you find a different human.
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  You get a different human. He is who he is.
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  He's 34 and you're 37. Do you want to get married?
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  Do you want to have children? I'm going to assume you do.
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  You're wasting your time. Most women who are in their 40s,
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  unmarried and childless, it's because they were with someone
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  in their 30s that it didn't work out with and it's not working
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  out with this guy. And yet you want to know if he's
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  going to come back. And it's mainly for your ego and
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  yourself esteem. It's just for your ego boost.
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  Because I'm sure you don't want to be back with someone who
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  cheats and takes your for granted.
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  In fact that's why you asked that if he can come back as a
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  different human being. So this isn't about love, this
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  is about your ego and who cares if he comes back?
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  You you shouldn't take him back. First of all you should only get
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  back with someone once and then if you break up again or they
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  they break up with you or you have to break up with them,
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  that's it. That's it.
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  Because if he comes back, it's not for love, OK?
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  It's for the assets. It's for whatever you provide
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  for him. And no, I'm not just talking
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  about SEX. It's about the validation, the
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  ego stroke, the help with whatever.
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  The companionship, that's what. That's what men mainly come back
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  for, the assets and the resources.
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  Not because all of a sudden they realized, Oh my God, I love her.
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  I changed my mind. I mean, I want her back.
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  I love her. That's not the reason.
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  A lot of the time. OK?
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  So you should not even be interested in getting back with
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  him. It's time to move on if you're
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  serious about getting married and having children.
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  But thank you so much for your e-mail.
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  But As for everyone listening, as you can see, no contact does
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  work twice. However, you have to be sure to
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  ask the six questions and I'll post the link to the video in
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  the upper right hand corner and if then it doesn't work out
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  again, that's it. How many chances are you going
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  to give someone? If they keep messing up, it's
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  because you're not their dream person.
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  Because if you were, they would do everything in their power to
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  not lose you. Don't you behave differently
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  with someone the higher your interest is in them?
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  Aren't you super careful to make sure you don't mess up with
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  someone that you're super interested in as opposed to
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  someone that you're like? They're all right.
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  I don't care if I lose them. Yeah, everyone does that.
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  OK, so I now want to hear from you.
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  What advice do you have for her? Do you think that she should get
• 10:32
  back together if he reaches out, which, trust me, he will, And
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  it's not because I'm psychic. I just know, OK, But in the
• 10:39
  meantime, if you'd like my help to get your ex back, contact me
• 10:43
  at theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
• 10:46
  The direct link is below every single video and podcast.
• 10:49
  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 10:51
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 10:54
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember that love
• 10:57
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.