Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / Who You Become After Pressure 1/7: You’re Not the Same. Pressure changes you, and that’s where growth begins. #MakingMovesMondayUntitled Episode

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Who You Become After Pressure 1/7: You’re Not the Same. Pressure changes you, and that’s where growth begins. #MakingMovesMondayUntitled Episode · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, here we go, here we go.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's Monday.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: How are you doing?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hope you're good.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's Monday.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's Making Moves Monday, and you're in it.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're here with me, Dr.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet, on The Sweet Spot.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're new to the Sweet Spot, what we do here is we blend science, soul, and success.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, we put all three together here on The Sweet Spot.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's Making Moves Monday.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Last week we talked about aspects of pressure.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And this week we're gonna continue.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: The response was so amazing, people really enjoyed this discussion we've been having on pressure.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why we're getting into this series called Who You Become After Pressure.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, after pressure.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because most conversations about pressure focus on how to survive it, or how to win inside of it, or how to push harder.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about that.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about that last week in the last couple of weeks.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: But almost no one talks about what pressure leaves behind.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now we all know the talk about diamonds, right?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure makes diamonds kind of cool.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: But we all know that pressure can also create problems.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: In the West Indian world, we say pressure busts pipe.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not just that it creates diamonds, it can bust pipe too, it can do different things.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So pressure is a really important thing for us to think about.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: You all didn't know it from Trinidad, right?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So there you go.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, here's the truth, my friends, with what I want to begin with today.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure doesn't just test you, it changes you.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I chose this title for the series, Who You Become After Pressure?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: We all know how to deal with pressure.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of talk about handling pressure.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: But who do you become after the pressure?
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Have you faced some pressure in your life?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Think about your life and sometime when you were under a lot of pressure.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And how did it leave you?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Who were you after it?
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm trying to get to.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, pressure doesn't just test you, it changes you, and if you feel different after pressure, it's not always damage, it's your formation.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: We've all been formed under pressure.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure is what makes things work in many cases.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: In psychology, pressure is really simple.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's the weight of expectations plus how you interpret that weight.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's why people feel pressure.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we talked about this in the last series.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure is about expectation.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: When you're feeling pressure, it's because you expect something and then you feel you have to rise up or deal with it.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's the weight of the expectation and how you interpret that weight, and that's it.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the crowd, it's not the deadline, it's not the diagnosis, it's not the contract, it's not the conversation, it's not even a moment.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's the meaning that you give to what's going on, it's the meaning that you attach to what's happening.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's at stake.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's also creating the pressure.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it matters because pressure is not the same thing as stress.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about that.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not the same thing as anxiety either.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: They're different.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure, stress, and anxiety are not the same thing, even though we use all three interchangeably.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure spikes around moments that matter.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Stress builds up when the demands in our life begin to pile up.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And anxiety, that's just worry that just keeps on talking and whispering and murmuring even after the moment is over.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's even before the moment begins.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: So pressure, stress, and anxiety are a little bit different.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know what you're dealing with, you will treat pressure like a threat instead of what it really is: a signal.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And in sports, in high performance, in life, if you're a surgeon, if you're a fireman, if you're a police officer, if you're an athlete, doesn't matter.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like you'll face pressure.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really important that you understand that they're not always threats.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And seasoned police officers, seasoned firemen, seasoned surgeons, uh seasoned athletes, they know the difference and they see pressure as a signal, not necessarily as a threat.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: But when you do see it as a threat, it's a problem.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what people miss.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure isn't automatically bad.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: From a psychological standpoint, right?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you put on the the Dr.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet psychological glasses today, right, your psychological mind, you could see the pressure has different meanings, and you could read pressure through different lenses.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: One lens can say, This is a threat, this could expose me.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's a way of reading pressure.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Another way to read pressure is like, huh, this is a challenge.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: This could bring out my best, this is my opportunity, this is my gift.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Same moment, same situation, but two different meanings from two different people.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're in the fourth quarter, there's five seconds to go, you're down by one point, and they give you the ball.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: The crowd is looking, people are screaming, everyone is standing.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Will you win the game or not win the game, right?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's you might feel pressure in that moment.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And depending on who you are, with the ball in your hands, you're gonna be like, Wow, I'm so glad this ball is in my hands.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's my turn, I'm gonna deal with this, I'm gonna win this game, and blah blah blah blah.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Or you'll be like, Oh, you know what?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, what if I miss?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, what if this doesn't work, right?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a kind of pressure that you're feeling because of your expectations, the expectations around you, and it's two different people.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's why some people are clutch players that you want the ball in their hands at the end of a game, and others aren't.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of it has to do with understanding what pressure is and what they're thinking in that moment, and your and so your nervous system responds to the meaning that you're giving the pressure in the moment.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's why one person tightens and the other collapses, and that's why another person sharpens and another person runs for the door.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure's not the enemy.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know what it is?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's information.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'll say it again because sometimes I talk fast.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure isn't the enemy, pressure is information, it tells you what matters, it tells you where your values live.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: It tells you, it tells you where growth is being asked of you.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Take a step back.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Are you under pressure right now?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is this something that's putting a lot of pressure on you?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or are you putting pressure on yourself?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Are you feeling pressure?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know what?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's telling me that the pressure that you're feeling is telling you something matters.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And because you're feeling it, and how you're feeling it, is gonna tell me where your values are.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're feeling real pressure, it's also signaling to you this is the growth, man.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're growing, you're growing.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is where growth is being asked of you.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I mean when I say pressure is information.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: So the pressure you're feeling is information.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: You get that?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because once you have the information, you can do things.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're not just responding as a stress, you're not saying you're not just gonna be like anxiety.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now, pressure if you don't manage it, pressure if you just let it run the show and it's chronic and you're just sort of reacting, it can become stress where your body tightens, it can become stress where your jaws clenched, stress where you feel anxious, and when you feel anxiety, that's about the future.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, something bad is gonna happen, and it's constantly there.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure, stress, and anxiety.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you get to the pressure first and you know how to handle the pressure and you interpret it right, and you recognize this is just pressure, and I can handle this.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's this is this is information that's happening for me right now.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're on to something, you're on to something big, my friend.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's where people get a little confused, they go through pressure, something like illness, that's a pressure, loss, losing things, game losses, losing streets, whatever, that's a pressure, failure, messing up on things, that's a pressure, public disappointment, public shame, or just a uh a grind where they're doing the same thing over and over again and not getting the result, that's pressure.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then what when you feel that pressure, you know what people say sometimes?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like myself anymore.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: When they're under pressure, they might say, I don't care about things, I don't care, I don't give a you know what.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes after you've been through a pressure situation, a pressurized situation, you can become quiet, guarded, hesitant, withdrawn, selective, angry, and if you get all these feelings because of the pressure, and you think, man, something might be wrong.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: But let me say this gently.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't lose anything, you didn't lose your edge just because you feel these things, you've lost your tolerance for what no longer fits you.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's going on.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure is changing you, my friend.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: What's the title of our talk this week?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: The title of our talk this week is about who you become after pressure.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're looking at.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna be bigger, smaller?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna be sad, happy?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna be pissed off or at peace?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: I guarantee you, the pressure is slowly and in some ways very insidiously changing who you are.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, pressure accelerates the formation of things.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we said at the beginning, pressure creates diamonds.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's carbon under the earth that that stays like that until pressure is applied and then it becomes diamond.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's why this phrase pressure creates diamonds makes sense because until the carbon is exposed to the pressure, it does not become the diamond.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, pressure accelerates the formation of things, and comfort maintains who you are.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the di the carbon will stay carbon, it will never become a diamond until it gets the pressure.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, comfort is important, and believe you me, I love comfort.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anybody that knows me knows I love the five-star hotel thing.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do camping, I don't climb trees and that kind of stuff.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet loves it easy.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I like to just like be in like a really comfortable environment, but that's not good.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: The gym is better.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Working out and doing hard things are better.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Comfort maintains who you are, but pressure will reveal who you're gonna become, who you're becoming.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And once the pressure is applied, and once we face pressure, there's no going back, right?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Once that happens, you don't get to go back unchanged after you've really faced pressure.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Ask anybody who's facing pressure for a living, and they'll tell you this thing I wrestled with it, this thing I had to grind with it, I had to do something, and I'm not the same.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not the same.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm either better for it or I can show you my scars, I can tell I could talk to people who are veterans in this, talk to your mom, your dad, talk to an uncle and aunt, talk to a coach, uh, you know, talk to uh a veteran, uh military veteran, talk to people who've been through things, and you'll see how pressure changed who they were.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, the ancient scripture, you know, I had to go there, right?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: You knew I was coming to the ancient scripture.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know by now, you know.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're about science, soul, and success here on the sweet spot.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And you knew I had to weave this in.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, who you become after pressure, how pressure changes your identity, how pressure forms a new you, whether you want to or not, it does it.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Does the ancient wisdom corroborate what you're saying, Dr.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Show me, show me where the soul part of this makes any sense, and I'll start believing you that pressure can change your identity.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, lucky for you, I have something in the very first book, I think, of the of the word of the ancient wisdom.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: In Genesis, uh, in chapter 32.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think it's Genesis 32, it's in the message Bible.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Check it out.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: No K J V today, just message Bible.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're going straight.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: In Genesis, here's where somebody had a change in identity because of pressure.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll just sort of say what happened.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Jacob, for those of you who know, was a deceiver, trickster.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: He had this identity of like somebody you just couldn't trust.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: He was just that kind of dude.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like he just was a waffler.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: He did things that he shouldn't be doing, and as a result, he got him problems.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: He had to run, he had to hide, he had to figure it out.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, fast forward, Jacob one night, he's he's suffering, he's running, his his all his bad doings sort of caught up with him.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you ever have been in a situation where you do some stuff, and then it's like, oh boy, now I gotta figure it out.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, anyway, he's in a night now where he's wrestling with some dude or something is happening.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: He's wrestling, he's he's fighting and he's trying to get through it, and then all of a sudden it kind of switches to like, wait a minute, I'm wrestling with God here.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: It hits him like I'm actually wrestling not with a human, I'm wrestling with something deeper.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever done that?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Been wrestling with something deep, something deeper than what you think is in front of you, and you realize that I'm wrestling with like something bigger, like this might be God in here that I'm wrestling with.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Kept me up at night, just wrestling.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, anyway, Jacob's wrestling all night or whatever, and it's so bad in this wrestling with this it this being or whatever he's wrestling with, which is really a metaphor, obviously, for like all the things he's wrestling with, he breaks his hip or dislocates his hip, like it's that bad.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't know about you, but I've seen some dislocations in my life in the ER when I work there, uh on in sports that that happens.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: The dislocations aren't fun, dude.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: They're not fun.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: They're like seriously, dislocations are bad, they hurt.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so in the middle of the wrestling, he dislocates something in his body.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to get spooky here, but like, have you ever been in a situation where you kind of like feel like you're being torn apart?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like something's tearing you apart, like this thing is tearing you apart.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Not physically, I mean, with Jacob, it seemed like it was physical there, but like I think the idea is that sometimes you're wrestling with things and it's sort of dislocating you, you know, you're not in the right location, it's like separating you in a way.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Jacob realizes what's going on here, he gets it, he realizes what's happening, he realizes okay, this fight is not really the fight that's in front of me, it's a deeper fight.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: And what I have to do is I gotta get something out of this.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's Jacob's nature.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: He was a negotiator, he's manipulator.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I ain't letting you go until I figure out what I can get out of this.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm gonna have a broken hip, if I'm gonna be dislocated, if all these bad things are gonna happen to me, what can I get out of this?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And he says, literally, he says this in Genesis 32 I'm not letting you go.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is to the whoever he's wrestling with, until you bless me.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not letting you go until you bless me.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: That was his response once he understood the depth of his wrestling match, that he was wrestling not against flesh and blood, but something bigger, right?
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, have you been there, right?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, hmm, alright, so I'm not letting you go until you bless me.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then the being, the man, whoever he's wrestling with, says, What's your name?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Jacob.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then he's told, Your name is no longer Jacob.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: From now on, it's Israel.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, do you get it?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's one thing before he gets into the pressure.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: He gets into the pressure, he's dislocating, he's feeling pain, he's feeling all kinds of stress.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: He has an epiphany or a revelation, and he says, I'm not letting you go until you bless me.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not getting I want a blessing out of this thing.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Whoever's on the other side hears it.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's your name?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then changes his name.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Jacob doesn't leave the pressure restored to who he was.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: He leaves renamed.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure didn't give him his old identity back.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: It gave him a new one.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's not punishment, y'all.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's purpose.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Have you been in a situation where you've been under pressure, where you've been wrestling with things?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And have you thought about the idea that this pressure is here to make you a diamond?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: To make you something brand new.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: To give you purpose.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Have you thought about the idea that this pressure is not punishment?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but it's Makin Moves Monday.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta go in.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta make a move.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you do with all of this, right?
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: What do we Dr.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet, what do I do with all of this?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, here's the thing.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: The series is who you're gonna be after the pressure.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: The first thing I want you to know, and it's not abstract.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Just one thing.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's not abstract.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: When pressure has when pressure has changed you, don't try to undo it.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Let it guide one decision today.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's information, precious information.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to step back and think about it and look at it from a different lens.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Understand that this pressure is not bigger than you.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been through illness, loss, maybe you're burned out, I don't know what you're going through.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: We all go through things.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: It might mean saying no to one conversation that drains you, saying no to the things that are not lifting you up, and not doing the things that the old version of you would have pushed through just to be nice, just to be polite and all of that.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Put yourself first.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not a problem.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're an athlete, you're professional, you're coming off a setback, something's not working.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: This might mean this new approach might mean choosing to prepare over proof, choosing preparation over proving.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times when you get a setback or you feel like you didn't do something right, you get into proving mode.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: Prove, prove, prove.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe take a step back.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what is this pressure I'm feeling to prove?
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I just need to get better.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just go prepare and stop worrying about what people think.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: You stop trying to show everyone that you're back, and you focus on one controllable detail that you can execute well today.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: How's that?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: How's that?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe in a relationship that sucks.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's a relationship where there was betrayal, disappointment, I don't know, feeling distant, can't explain people's behavior.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: One day they're there, one day they're not.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: You always have to explain yourself, you always have to figure it out.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's so much pressure in this relationship, it's driving you nuts.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this approach, understanding what pressure's information might mean that you pause.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Remember what we talked about in the last series?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: That sometimes you have to pause because the sequence matters more than the speed of your response.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: And in the sequence, you gotta have a pause in the sequence.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Pause, pause for the cause.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you pause, you you can kind of think through what you're gonna do.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: It might mean pausing before you overexplain yourself, you know, and hear that and just be quiet.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or letting your boundary speak instead of your anxiety, sometimes draw the boundary, and don't feel like you have to do more than that.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if pressure's made you quieter, right?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's made you this quiet person, or it's made you slower or more selective.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the permission that you didn't know you needed.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's not weakness if pressure's done all those things to you.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's discernment in my book.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're different because you need to be different.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: As long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else in it, right?
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the grounding move.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's simple but it's powerful.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: Before you act today, ask yourself this does this decision that I'm going to make today honor who I am now or who I used to be.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: That question does it honor who I am now or who I used to be?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: That will settle the nervous system because it restores your choice.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're realizing now that this pressure can take me in directions.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're no longer scrambling to get back to something, you're responding to where you are right here, right now.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about that last week.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Being right here, right now, so that you're not lost.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're oriented.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're oriented to this moment.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sit with this just for a second, and we're done.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: If pressure stripped something away from you, it may have been something you were never meant to carry long term.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: You ever think about that?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes loss makes you room for clarity.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever lost something you hurt it hurts?
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not talking about losing a loved one, that kind of thing, from grief.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about just like you've lost something else, and you are now clear that that loss was okay.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because you saw stuff when whatever is moved away from you that you thought you couldn't do without it.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes becoming feels like grief before it feels like growth.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes when you're transitioning to the new you after the pressure, you can feel weird feelings, and that's okay.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: So today, what we've learned is that pressure changes you.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: The change is not a problem.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay, you're becoming a diamond.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not over because diamonds have to be cut to shine.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're not, it's not just like you pressure.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: I have pressure, I become a diamond, and I shine.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, then there's the whole cutting process.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a whole thing going on with all of us.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: We're all in process here.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm proud of you.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of you for having handled so much pressure in your life and the way you've come through it, no matter what has happened.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of you.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet spotters, sweet spotters, you're doing great.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: All right now, this is the sweet spot.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: We went in long today on Monday about pressure changing you, pressure changing your idea, your identity.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: What pressures have you been under that have sort of formed who you are right now?
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll see you tomorrow for Take Action Tuesday.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: If this spoke to you, I want you to subscribe because it's absolutely free, andor share it with someone who's under pressure right now.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Tell them pressure didn't ruin you, it just shaped you.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll see you tomorrow.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is Dr.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Love and blessings.