Latest / Stacked Intent: Your Guide to Authentic, Intentional Living / 123 Self-Love in Action: What it Actually Looks Like in Your Everyday Life

Transcript

123 Self-Love in Action: What it Actually Looks Like in Your Everyday Life · Stacked Intent: Your Guide to Authentic, Intentional Living

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, my name is Becca Stackhouse Morrison, and I am ready for you to tune in each episode to hear ways to become you.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Looking at ways you can be your authentic and intentional self, you'll finish each episode motivated to live life more authentically.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I learned how to be truly me through relationships, chronic disease, finances, and taking each journey along the way.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about the real aspects of life?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships, finance, nutrition, hardships, exercise are all topics that we will discuss.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Pull up a seat, drive safely down the road, or get into that workout groove to be challenged, motivated, and encouraged to be you.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Stacked Intent Podcast.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: I am Becca Stackhouse Morrison, your host of Stacked Intent.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we are on our third episode of the self-care arc.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: The last two weeks we've laid the groundwork of what self-love is, where self-love starts, how to protect it in a world that wants to profit from your self-doubt.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to get practical.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's what I believe is that self-love is not primarily something you feel, but it's something that you do.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: It shows up where it doesn't in the small choices that you make every single day.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: It shows up in whether you honor the commitments that you make to yourself and how you talk to yourself when you make a mistake, and whether you agree to things you don't want to because you're afraid of disappointing someone, and the people that you keep close and the ones that you choose to create distance from.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love at its most fundamental level is the practice of consistently treating yourself like someone whether treating you well.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're going to talk about what that can actually look like in your real life.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to talk about how self-love can change your decisions.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: This decision most visibly affected by your self-love are the ones of where you're choosing between what you want and what you need, and even what someone else wants from you.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: When self-love is low, you tend to make decisions from fear.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Fear of disappointing, fear of a conflict, fear of being too much, or fear of not being enough.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: You say yes when you might mean no.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: You take on more than you can carry.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: You prioritize other people's comfort over your own well-being.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're generous, but because you don't fully believe that your needs matter as much.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: When self-love is growing, you start to make decisions from a different place.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: You ask, what do I actually want?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: What does this cost me?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: What does it give me?
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  SPEAKER_00: Does this align with who I'm trying to be?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: This doesn't mean that you become selfish.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: It means that you become intentional.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: There is a difference between choosing to give because it fills you up and choosing to give because you're afraid of what happened if you don't.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love creates that distinction for you.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: One of the clearest indicators of self-love level is how you handle some small daily decisions.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Do you eat lunch?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Do you take breaks?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do you sleep if you're tired?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Do you spend time on the things that matter to you?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or on only the things that matter to everyone else?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: How you feel about yourself determines who you attract, what you tolerate, and what you ask for in your relationship.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: When self-love is low, you tend to accept less than you deserve because some part of you believes that you're not worth it.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: You might stay in a relationship, a friendship, romantic, family dynamics that diminish you, drain you, or constantly make you feel small.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you tell yourself you're being loyal, patient, or understanding.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love doesn't mean that you abandon everyone who's ever been difficult.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It means that you get honest about which relationships you nourish you and which ones deplete you.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you make an intentional choice about how much of you, yourself, that you give in each of those relationships.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love in relationships also looks like this allowing yourself to be known, not performing the version of yourself you think that people want to see, not hiding the parts of you that feel risky to show, but actually letting someone in.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because genuine intimacy with anyone requires that you believe you are worth knowing.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: That you are your full self, not just the one you've curated self, that is something someone else might value, or that picture that someone else might have drawn in their head.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: So this is that belief that starts with you on your self-love journey.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love changes how you communicate specifically.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Specifically, it's in your willingness to advocate for yourself.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: People who generally love themselves ask for what they need, they name what isn't wrong, working, they express their feelings without waiting to be asked.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: They say, I disagree, and this isn't okay with me, and I need something different here.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't incredibly hard for a lot of us.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is something that's incredibly hard.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Not isn't, sorry.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it don't have this idea that it's not something that is a challenge because we were taught that good people don't ask for too much, that needing things is a burden, that saying that you want something is demanding.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not true.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I know unexpressed needs don't just go away, they build up a resentment, they come out sideways, they might erode the relationship that you want to protect the most.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Advocating for yourself isn't aggressive when it's done with respect.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is one of the most loving things that you can do in a relationship because it gives the other person real, real information about who you are and what you need.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can't be truly known by someone if you never let them see what you need.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And self-love isn't what gives you the permission to do that.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: When you believe you're worth showing up for, you'll start showing up for yourself out loud.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Receiving that love.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the piece that surprises people.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love includes letting yourself be loved.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: For a lot of us, receiving is a harder than giving.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: We deflect a compliment, we minimize our achievements, we feel uncomfortable when someone does something genuinely kind for us, and we can't immediately reciprocate it.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: We say you didn't have to do that instead of thank you.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: That deflection is not humility, it's a form of self-erosure, which is a way of saying I'm not actually worth worthy of this care.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love means that you're practicing receiving, it means that saying thank you and letting it land.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: It means allowing people to show up for you without immediately redirecting or minimizing it.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: It means believing that you are someone worth caring for.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not eventually, not once you've done more, but now.com or shoot me a DM.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear how what would someone who loves themselves do here, how that affects your week this week.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is the work, and I am proud of you for doing it.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: So next week we're gonna be closing the self-love arc, and we're gonna talk about daily habits, specific, simple, sustainable practices that can help you build your self-love muscle one a day at a time.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, take this episode from the self-love arc and share it with someone who needs the permission to show up for themselves.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Look forward to seeing you join us on next week's episode.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: That brings us to the end of this episode of Stacked Intent.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you love this episode as much as I did, head on over and rate and subscribe so you will never miss an episode.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: New episodes are gonna be dropped on Thursdays.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, this is Becca, and don't forget, enrich your life by being intentional.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast was created, produced, recorded, and edited by Stacked Intense.