Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 295. Flashback Friday - How to End a Friendship With Love & Respect

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295. Flashback Friday - How to End a Friendship With Love & Respect · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast. I'm Ashi.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: And I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment and
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: version of yourself.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: How would you advise someone to break off that friendship?
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Like do you advise them to break it off like
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: a freaking breakup in a text message or have a
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: conversation or just slowly stop replying and inviting them? Like
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: what would you advise?
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Block them. No, I'm just kidding. Just kidding.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Block, delete.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: So this actually happened last week with a client of mine. Oh, wow. Yeah,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: this happened. This has been a very common theme in
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: my clients recently. Okay. A lot of change, a lot
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: of rapid growth, a lot of fear of leaving people behind, right? Yeah.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: And my client came to me and she goes, Tij, like,
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: obviously under competence, I only share what I can share.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: But just briefly, she goes, Tiana, I've tried to make
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: this friendship work. I've tried everything. There's nothing more that
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: I can give to this friendship. I have made effort.
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  Speaker 2: I've tried to go to her house. I try to
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  Speaker 2: engage in the things that she likes. I try to
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: make time for us to catch up. And she just
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: gives me breadcrumbs. She gives me nothing. It's always about her.
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  Speaker 2: All she does is talk about her. She doesn't hold
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: space for me. All the things. And I just said
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: to her, how is this feeling for you right now?
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  Speaker 2: And she just said to me, it doesn't feel good.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, do you feel safe around her? She said, no.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I'm like, would you trust her with your biggest, deepest,
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  Speaker 2: darkest secrets?
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  Speaker 1: She goes, no.
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  Speaker 2: Would she be somebody that you can call upon at
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: three o'clock in the morning? And she said, no. And
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I asked her, you know, and this is something I
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: would get all of you to ask yourself is, is
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  Speaker 2: this person actually aligned for me? And pay attention to
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  Speaker 2: what your body is telling you. And she said, no.
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  Speaker 2: I was like, okay. So- Based on your relationship with
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: her and how either deep, how much respect you have
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  Speaker 2: for her, how much love you have for her, how
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  Speaker 2: long you've been friends, do you think this relationship is
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  Speaker 2: deserving of a conversation? And she said no.
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  Speaker 1: Okay. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: So I think the thing.
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  Speaker 1: That- Different case to case situation. Case to case.
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  Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing out of this is that
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  Speaker 2: when you genuinely have love, respect, you've spent a lot
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: of time with someone, you have a deep, genuine connection-
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: when you've fallen out of sync with them, you have
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: a conversation, right? This is at least what I've done
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: in my past. But the way that I also gauge
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: is whether I do or don't have a conversation with
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: them is like, how much do I actually love, respect
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  Speaker 2: and value this person? And if the answer is no,
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: do I value them enough? And my answer is no,
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  Speaker 2: I let it fizzle out and it will die out
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: on its own and we can love each other from
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: afar and that can be it. But if it's someone
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  Speaker 2: that you feel like I would be disappointed if I
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: didn't have this conversation with them because I love them
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: so much. That's when you know you need to have
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: a conversation.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I suppose if that person, like say in that situation,
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: if a friend came to her and was like, let's
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: just call her Anna. Hey, Anna, I've noticed you've pulled away.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I really miss you. Like, are we okay?
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Then she can also be like, hey, well, now that
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: you've brought it up, things aren't feeling in line with
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: me or da-da-da, and you can have that conversation, let
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: her know how you're feeling. So then you're putting your
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: boundary in place of like, this is the end for me.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: But you also have been respectful and kind and sent
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  Speaker 1: her love and given her the closure that she needs
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: as to why this has come to an end for her. Absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: That's a cool way to do it as well.
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  Speaker 2: 100%. And it is important to like have those checking
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  Speaker 2: moments as well.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Because you care about the person, right? So you're checking, hey,
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  Speaker 2: are we okay? Are we good? Like, is anything coming
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  Speaker 2: up for you? I feel like you've lent out a
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  Speaker 2: little bit. I feel like maybe there's not as much
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: effort into this relationship and maybe I've contributed to that
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: as well, but I'd love to work on things. And
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: then you can kind of see where that person's at.
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  Speaker 2: I think bringing in conversation and opening up how you're
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: truly feeling will invite, you know, vulnerability.
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 2: And then you can see, okay, does this person have
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: the capacity to meet me on a vulnerable level? Or
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: are they, no, babe, it's all good. It's all fine. No,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: we're good. Don't worry. What do you mean? Like, do
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean? So you'll be able to
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  Speaker 2: tell from their response where they're at, where they're at emotionally. Yeah.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Where they're at in the friendship.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: And vice versa too. If you're reaching out to them,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: asking if they're okay and they're avoiding you and avoiding
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: the hard conversation, there's a lot of answers and silence too.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: It's tough. What about relationships? Do you have clients that
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: come to you and are like, oh my gosh, I
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: need to get out of this relationship, but I just
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: can't leave. I'm too scared to be myself. I'm too
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  Speaker 1: scared financially. Tish, what do I do? Yeah, that's a
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: good one.
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  Speaker 2: I think the first thing every single time when my
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: client comes to me and they're saying that they feel
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: rocky in their relationship, I ask them three questions. I say,
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: do you trust them? Are you in love with them?
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  Speaker 2: And can you see yourself spending the rest of your
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: life with them?
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  Speaker 1: Oh, such powerful questions.
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  Speaker 2: And if any of those are not a full body
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  Speaker 2: fuck yes, you have something to look at.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, that's powerful.
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  Speaker 2: Right. Those are questions that I've asked myself in previous
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: relationships where I've been wishy-washy.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Or on the fence. Not sure, yeah.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Where I've loved someone and haven't been in love with them.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: But when I ask myself the hard questions, I'm like, oh, shit,
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  Speaker 2: I know exactly what I need to do.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: There's your answers there. That's right.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I've had clients who have come to me
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: and those answers have not been a full yes. And
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: they've been able to work through it. Trust can be rebuilt. 100%.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: And with the communication, you can work through different issues.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: But the other two, I think, you know, you know.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, you know.
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  Speaker 2: If those answers are no, like, are you really in
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: the relationship you genuinely want to be in?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's such a good question.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you. That's awesome.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: There's one more thing that I would add to that
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: in terms of, like, how to actually have that conversation
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: if you do decide that, you're kind of outgrowing somebody.
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  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: This is something that I've done before in the past.
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  Speaker 2: It's been quite uncomfortable, but.
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  Speaker 1: Sounds it.
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  Speaker 2: Kind of what you need to do, you know, when
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: you're at this place. I think the biggest thing was
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: when you bring it up to this person, it's like
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: acknowledging all of the time that you've spent together.
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  Speaker 1: Through role play. Oh, oh, stop it. So I'm your
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  Speaker 1: friend that you want to end. Like you don't want
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  Speaker 1: to be friends with me.
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  Speaker 2: That wasn't in the bingo card.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: No, it wasn't on our card. Let's do it.
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  Speaker 2: All right.
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  Speaker 1: You got this.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, babe, do you have the capacity to have a conversation?
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  Speaker 2: It's really important to me.
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  Speaker 1: Sure do. Bring it in.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Recently, I've been feeling we've been distancing from each other.
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  Speaker 2: And I've noticed with time that we maybe aren't spending
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: enough time with each other. We're not as close. And
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I feel like we're kind of going in different directions
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  Speaker 2: in life. And it doesn't mean anything about who either
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: of us are. It just means that I feel like
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: we're kind of going off on different paths. And I
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: just wanted to say that I've loved everything every minute
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: that we've spent together and all of the memories and
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: things like that that we have. But I just feel
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: right now, it feels true for me that this friendship
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  Speaker 2: feels complete for me. Oh, wow.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, first of all, you said that so beautifully.
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  Speaker 1: There's two situations that can happen here. After that friend
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: has heard it, she's going to be like, oh my gosh,
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  Speaker 1: I feel the same way. Like, I love you, but
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  Speaker 1: we're definitely disconnected. And I felt like that too. We
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I'll keep following you and I can't wait to see
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: what you do. And I hope we bump into each
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: other one day and I'm so grateful for our memories
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  Speaker 1: and we will definitely continue to love each other from afar.
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  Speaker 1: And thank you for the respect to come to me.
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  Speaker 1: I'm really loving you for that.
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  Speaker 2: Bye-bye.
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  Speaker 1: And then there's the other situation where I'm guessing a
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: more anxious personality and someone who is maybe a little
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  Speaker 1: bit not aware and disconnected with where the friendship's at.
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  Speaker 1: And she comes at you with this. Oh, okay. So
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  Speaker 1: you're just going to throw our friendship. Are you breaking
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  Speaker 1: up with our friendship? Like you just don't want to
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  Speaker 1: hang out anymore.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Is that just it?
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  Speaker 1: You're just ending our friendship.
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  Speaker 2: It's not that I want to throw away the friendship.
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  Speaker 2: I love you and I love every time and moment
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  Speaker 2: we've shared together. And it doesn't mean that me feeling
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: this way means anything about the past and the time
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  Speaker 2: that we've spent together. It just means that right now
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  Speaker 2: we're feeling like we're going in separate ways and I'm
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: feeling it's like becoming more challenging to connect with you
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: on a deeper level at the moment and it doesn't
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: mean that we won't come back together as friends in
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: the future it just means at least for me it
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: feels true for me that in this season right now
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: this is where I'm at and I respect you too
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: much to not be anything but honest with you and
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: it's because I love you that I'm having this conversation
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: with you I got nothing.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like how can i fight back with that i
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: can't you know you would only hope that your friends
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: could come to you with that much respect honesty calmness
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: love truth yeah like i feel like truth is kind
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: right honest communication is kind communication.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: But you know what it's really fucking hard to have
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: those conversations.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: It's so much easier in this environment isn't.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: It so much and you know what i've actually had
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: this conversation with a friend of mine down in sydney Really?
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: And she was somebody that I loved so much and
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: we were so, so close. But she was in an
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: abusive relationship and it was really hard. She was really
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: like losing herself in it and she was so sucked
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: into it.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I can imagine.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: And we would bring it into our friendship. And at
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: one point I had helped her so much with the relationship.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: I even helped her go multiple times, pack up her house,
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: pack all her things up. only for her to stay
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: with him. I was just in a place in my
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: life where like, I didn't have the capacity for anybody
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: else's stuff, you know? And I look back sometimes and
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: I think, fuck, I wish I could have stayed and
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: been there for her through that time. But at that
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: point in my life, I just remember saying to her, like, babe, like,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: if you're going to stay with him, I can't hear
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: you talk about how he's abusive and how he scares
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: you and how he like stands over you and hits you.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: And like, I was like, I love you, babe, but
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: I just, I can't hear it anymore. If you're going
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: to stay with him, I was younger at this point
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: as well because it was just taking over my life
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: because it was, you know, every single day she would
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: send me a voice message or call me or something
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: like that. And anyway, it got to the point where
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I ended up just saying, hey, babe, I love you
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  Speaker 2: so much. And I fucking hate that I'm having this
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: conversation with you. And I'm sorry that you're in this.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: You tell me every single day that you want to
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: leave and you never do. And I just, I hope
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: one day that you decide to leave and that you
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: choose yourself. But right now I need to take space
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: from our friendship. God. It was really fucking hard and
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: I feel even guilty almost saying that because I think
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: anybody listening to that might even be like, well, she
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: fucking needed you. Why would you leave her in her heart?
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: time you stayed for so long I did I stayed
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: for a really long time and it just was chewing
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: at my.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Life and your mental health and the day you have
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: to look after your own mental health as well oh
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: that's tough When I was younger, I had a girl
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: that was just requiring a lot from me and would
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: get really upset if I didn't contact her every day
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: and needed a lot of attention, very, very anxious. And
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have known about the attachment styles, but I
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: just felt quite suffocated. Yeah. So I had to end that.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: And then, yeah, I've had one friend kind of close
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: off our friendship in a text message. I respected her
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: for the way that she handed it, but I also
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: didn't feel like I had much closure. Yeah. So that
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: was hard.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be tough.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I was like mixed. I was like, I really respected
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: that she did it in a way. I think for her,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: that was all that she had the capacity for. I
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: don't think she could, she's not a very, not someone
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: that can sit down and have hard conversations. So for her,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: that would have been really hard. And I respect that
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: she even did that. But yeah, I think the way
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: you had that conversation before is just so beautiful. I
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: think if anyone wants to come to you like that,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: you would just respect them so much and be so
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: thankful for the way that they've done that. Rather than
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: going bitching behind your back or being two-faced or just
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: screening your calls or like all of a sudden cutting
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: you off with no closure. I think that could be
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: really tough. So I think the role modeling example that
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: you gave was so beautiful. And I hope people listening
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: to this take some of your language and words and
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: tone and bring that into their dynamics because we know
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: that you're listening. If you're listening to this episode, it's
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: probably because you're in a situation right now where you
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: need to cut someone off or you're not feeling aligned
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: anymore or you're anxiously attached or Things just aren't feeling
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: good and you need to check in and have some
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: of those hard conversations or just start having stronger boundaries
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: around who you allow in your space and energy. And
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: we just want you to know we're with you. It's hard.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: It's really hard. And you know what?
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing is like respect is a
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: big fucking thing for me, babe. You know this, right?
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: And I truly believe that just because somebody is no
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: longer in our lives doesn't mean that we don't respect them.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Gosh, no.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: The respect is still there. And the way that we
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: start things, we should also end them in that way.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: You know, it doesn't matter what it is and how
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: hard the conversation is. you respect that person so much more.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: I know I've had that conversation a couple of times
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: for different reasons and I've every single person has been like,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: thank you so much. Thank you for being honest with
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: me so that I can work on this. Or thank
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: you so much for respecting me enough to have the
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: honest conversation with me because I just want you to
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: know that I love you still. And then the next
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: part is that I've also been on the other end
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: of that where somebody has had that hard conversation with
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: me and not stopping friends with me. And I've been like,
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: thank you so much for being honest with me. I
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: would love to know in that friendship who ended your
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: friendship over the text message, is there something that you
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: wish like a different way that that could have gone?
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: So much so. Yeah.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: On the receiving end of that, for anyone listening who
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: might be behaving that way, how would you have liked
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: that person to handle things?
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: To have a conversation. Yeah. I felt like it was
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: almost a bit avoidant. And when you've had a longstanding
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: friendship with someone and you've been through so much together,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: for me, my expectations, which I'm well aware of my expectations,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: And how I would show up as I have the
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: respect that you're just talking about. I had the respect
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: to have a conversation with them. And if other things
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: have come up to end the friendship, I think they
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: are deserving of knowing what that is. Even if you've
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: made your mind up, I think everyone should be given
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: the opportunity to hear it and be able to take responsibility, apologize,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: have the discussion around it. Even if you still want
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: to separate and go your own ways, but just cutting
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: it like that, even if it was done with love,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: it just doesn't feel right. respectful and enough for me
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I would have liked a little bit more and it's
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: kind of left me feeling like there wasn't as much
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: closure and even in that sense like if someone wanted
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: to end a friendship with me like that I would
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: have loved to just give them a hug goodbye you
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: know because I still love on all of my friends
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: even the ones that I've had breakdowns with I still
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: have so much love for them and respect for them
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: and want the best for them.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I wish things could be different sometimes. Yeah.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Just to give the person who's in that position, maybe
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: a little bit of context of the other person on
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: the other side. Yeah. What do you think that would
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: have given you if you were to receive that? Like
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: if they had behaved in the way that you needed,
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: what do you think that that would have left you with?
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Closure. Yeah. Acceptance and love for us as individuals and
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: for our friendship and what it once was.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Whereas I feel like it's just kind of been left
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: an open wound and there's questions so I think not
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: having closure for me is really hard yeah I know
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: a lot of people on motivational speakers say you don't
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: always need closure like move on accept things now they
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: are that sounds lovely but for me I like having
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: closure and I'm also a very self-aware person I want
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: to hear and know if something's happened or come up
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: in the past that we haven't resolved and you know
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: what long-standing friendships have probably had it's been stuff like
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: I can take full responsibility for how I would have
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: shown up in certain situations in stress or discomfort or
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: in my anxiousness yeah how I deal with things now
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: would have been so different to how I handled it
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: back then so I wish that both parties like involved
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: could have those open dialogues like I feel like if
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: anything comes up for us we just it's straight away
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: a conversation it's not something we let sit or fester
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: or fester yeah it's like yeah and it's like we
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: can't even ignore I'm like yeah are you okay like
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: something's here yeah we talk about it straight away But
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: then it's also like, okay, well, some friendships have ended
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: because they can't meet you or they haven't met themselves.