Latest / Being Different Together / #35 - Why Your Brain Needs a Friend (The Addition Edition)

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#35 - Why Your Brain Needs a Friend (The Addition Edition) · Being Different Together

0:08
SPEAKER_07: Welcome to Being Different Together, the podcast for people who want to make the world a better place, but no, they can't do it alone.
0:17
SPEAKER_02: I'm Dr.
0:18
SPEAKER_02: Kelly Brady, acupuncturist, psychotherapist, and certified dialogue therapist.
0:22
SPEAKER_07: And I'm Nissa Hanger, massage therapist, aromatherapist, coach, and real dialogue specialist.
0:29
SPEAKER_02: Together we'll explore how conversations can improve relationships, make work more joyful, and spark healing for ourselves and our communities.
0:37
SPEAKER_07: And listen, we don't shy away from the hard conversations.
0:41
SPEAKER_07: In fact, we welcome them.
0:43
SPEAKER_07: This isn't about being right.
0:45
SPEAKER_02: It's about being different together.
0:54
SPEAKER_07: Hello, hello everyone.
0:56
SPEAKER_07: Welcome to episode number thirty five of being different.
1:05
SPEAKER_07: Together.
1:06
SPEAKER_02: You that was like a a sports announcement.
1:12
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:12
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:13
SPEAKER_07: I like to do it like that sometimes.
1:14
SPEAKER_07: It's fun.
1:15
SPEAKER_02: That's fun.
1:16
SPEAKER_07: Well, I am.
1:17
SPEAKER_07: I feel like I'm wearing uh I feel like I am a sports announcer with these headsets on.
1:21
SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah.
1:22
SPEAKER_07: So it's either that or uh flying a plane.
1:26
SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah.
1:28
SPEAKER_07: That would be fun.
1:30
SPEAKER_07: Hello, passengers.
1:31
SPEAKER_07: This is your pilot speaking.
1:33
SPEAKER_07: We are approaching our initial descent.
1:35
SPEAKER_07: You may feel some turbulence, and please make sure you buckle your seatbelts and tip your flight attendants.
1:45
SPEAKER_02: Have you ever tried to tip a flight attendant?
1:47
SPEAKER_02: No.
1:48
SPEAKER_07: I don't know where that idea came from.
1:50
SPEAKER_02: I don't know either.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: I think it sounds like this is like we're approaching Denver now.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: It's a beautiful 73 degrees.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Properly cloudy skies.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for flying with the United Airlines.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: Have a wonderful rest of your trip.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: Flight attendants, please take your seats.
2:12
SPEAKER_05: That's good.
2:13
SPEAKER_07: That's good.
2:14
SPEAKER_02: That's my invitation.
2:15
SPEAKER_07: Okay, we're not here to uh imitate uh pilots, although I'm sure we could go on for uh a long time.
2:21
SPEAKER_07: If you listen to the last episode, which was a mini episode because I was flying solo due to extenuating circumstances.
2:30
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, and so now here we are to have an addition edition.
2:34
SPEAKER_07: We're doing the we're calling this episode the addition edition because we are recording this in our edition.
2:43
SPEAKER_07: And the dog and the cat are fighting.
2:45
SPEAKER_07: I feel like I should start narrating this.
2:47
SPEAKER_07: Poppy.
2:49
SPEAKER_07: So the edition edition.
2:51
SPEAKER_07: So the addition edition.
2:52
SPEAKER_07: So we are currently recording this in a room that has been built on to our house.
2:57
SPEAKER_07: Now it has walls, it has windows, it thank goodness has a mini split, and it is completely full of most of our possessions at this current moment.
3:09
SPEAKER_02: It's like we're sitting at a really nice air-conditioned storage unit.
3:12
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that's exactly with windows.
3:15
SPEAKER_02: With windows.
3:16
SPEAKER_02: And a glass door.
3:17
SPEAKER_02: And a nice flooring.
3:18
SPEAKER_02: I mean, in storage units it's usually just dusty cement.
3:21
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
3:21
SPEAKER_02: But uh yeah, the flooring's nice.
3:24
SPEAKER_07: So this is because at this moment the rest of the house where all of the stuff normally lives is getting new flooring.
3:29
SPEAKER_07: And that has made this week um interesting.
3:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
3:35
SPEAKER_02: So I went yesterday and um got my hair cut.
3:41
SPEAKER_02: Get your hair cut.
3:42
SPEAKER_02: I got my hair cut.
3:43
SPEAKER_02: I go to the disco dolls, which is our local sustainable uh studio.
3:47
SPEAKER_02: The disco dolls.
3:48
SPEAKER_02: The disco dolls.
3:49
SPEAKER_02: It's a it's a wonderful sustainable um space where the the front part of the disco dolls is this uh beautifully curated department store that has originally made clothing and vintage clothing that is really shopped beautifully.
4:05
SPEAKER_02: They have a really great new line of this this Nepali line.
4:09
SPEAKER_07: I heard about this new line I gotta go.
4:11
SPEAKER_02: I saw one of the owners wearing one yesterday and it she looked really beautiful in it.
4:14
SPEAKER_02: It was really nice.
4:16
SPEAKER_02: So um, yeah, all these just really cool things.
4:18
SPEAKER_02: They have a really cool new art installation going on now with a local artist.
4:21
SPEAKER_02: They always have an art wall with art installation.
4:24
SPEAKER_02: Um and uh and then in the back there's a hair salon.
4:27
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
4:28
SPEAKER_02: And um like if if I just could go to n never go to another store again, I would be happy.
4:34
SPEAKER_02: Never go to another.
4:35
SPEAKER_07: Can they just sell q-tips and toothpaste?
4:37
SPEAKER_02: I wish they would.
4:38
SPEAKER_02: I wish they had a little grocery department, you know, where I could just pick up some pick up some items.
4:42
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
4:42
SPEAKER_02: Some organic carrots too, you know, while I was there.
4:45
SPEAKER_02: Because it's just one of my favorite places to be uh for lots and lots of reasons.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: But um also we got married there.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: We did and um and so Tracy Ryan uh has been cutting my hair for the last what four years now, I think.
4:59
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
5:00
SPEAKER_02: And um and I have short hair now, and I'm really likes to be cute.
5:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:06
SPEAKER_02: And I'm I'm really I mean, I would say I'm pretty fastidious about getting my hair cut every four or five weeks.
5:12
SPEAKER_02: If if you even go that long sometimes.
5:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, if it starts to look in any way like I don't like it, I'm in there and I'm in the chair.
5:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:18
SPEAKER_02: And she's like, you're back.
5:19
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, yeah, touch it up.
5:26
SPEAKER_02: So Tracy and I just have developed what I think is a lovely connection over the last year.
5:31
SPEAKER_02: So I really uh enjoy her sense of humor, her sense of style, her intelligence, her independence.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: She's really feisty.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: Um she has this kind of dry sense of humor that I enjoy a lot.
5:44
SPEAKER_02: And also, she's she's completely willing to be honest with me about the shape of my head, the shape of my face, actually how my hair is and what I can expect to have happen and how it's gonna look.
5:55
SPEAKER_04: Nice.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: Instead of me saying, you know, this is how I want my hair to be.
5:59
SPEAKER_02: Yesterday I was kind of frustrated with my hair, and I was like, I'm a little frustrated at the moment.
6:03
SPEAKER_02: I'm thinking we should just shave it.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: Tracy looks at me and she goes, uh no.
6:11
SPEAKER_02: Like, we're not doing that again.
6:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
6:13
unknown: Yeah.
6:14
SPEAKER_02: You've already done it one time.
6:15
SPEAKER_02: No, we did that last year.
6:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
6:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, December 30th of 2025.
6:19
SPEAKER_02: I shaved my head.
6:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
6:20
SPEAKER_02: Well, I took it down really short.
6:21
SPEAKER_02: She's like, no, we're not doing that until the end of December, if we're doing that again.
6:25
SPEAKER_02: I've been working on this hair all year long.
6:31
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, she asked me how things were going, and I was telling her about the addition, and um a part of the reason that I wanted to talk about this was because I got I got honest with Tracy about something, and I want to get I'm I just want to confess it now.
6:44
SPEAKER_02: And here's my con here's my confession.
6:46
SPEAKER_02: In my past, when I have heard people complain about being in their house while they're going through constructions or renovations, yes, I have pretended to listen compassionately, uh-huh.
6:59
SPEAKER_02: But I have secretly judged them for being winers.
7:02
SPEAKER_06: Uh-huh.
7:04
SPEAKER_02: For being entitled rich winers.
7:07
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, because they have the money to do an admission.
7:08
SPEAKER_02: Because they have the money to do an addition.
7:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
7:10
SPEAKER_02: Or renovation or whatever.
7:12
SPEAKER_02: And now, now this is not to say if your house gets blown over by a hurricane.
7:16
SPEAKER_02: We've had friends who've gone through this.
7:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
7:18
SPEAKER_02: Their house gets destroyed.
7:19
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
7:19
SPEAKER_07: And then they're there.
7:20
SPEAKER_07: And then they're dealing with that.
7:22
SPEAKER_02: They're in a forced renovation, and maybe they're living in a space like we're living in now for a couple of years.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: I mean, this it this is not uncommon.
7:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
7:29
SPEAKER_02: Period.
7:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: You know, people's homes get destroyed for lots of reasons.
7:33
SPEAKER_02: War, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, fire.
7:39
SPEAKER_02: Right?
7:39
SPEAKER_02: I've known a few people whose houses have burned down.
7:41
SPEAKER_02: Me too.
7:42
SPEAKER_02: Your our friend Angela had a house that burned down just last year.
7:46
SPEAKER_02: So that's not what I'm talking about.
7:48
SPEAKER_02: When people when I've heard people say, Oh, you know, blah, blah, blah, my house is terrible.
7:51
SPEAKER_02: I'm a this is so, and I then we'll talk about all the issues that go on.
7:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
7:55
SPEAKER_02: When you're talking about the contract, and also the right, and the symbol of the house and what the house represents and what it represents to different people.
8:02
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's pretty rich psychological territory, really.
8:04
SPEAKER_07: Sure.
8:04
SPEAKER_02: Because it like it pulls the ground out from underneath you when your space is It literally pulls the ground out from underneath.
8:11
SPEAKER_07: Like the literally the ground has been pulled out from the other half of this house.
8:16
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
8:18
SPEAKER_02: So so I'm I'm confessing this to Tracy.
8:22
SPEAKER_02: And I'm and I said, and now I'm the person who has elected, yeah.
8:29
SPEAKER_02: Chosen to go through all the things.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:32
SPEAKER_02: And so I say that to Tracy, and she just steps back a little from the chair and she giggles and she goes, and I might be judging you a little bit.
8:44
SPEAKER_02: I freaking love her so much.
8:47
SPEAKER_02: It was so, so funny when she said that.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: So all of that is to say it's just an interesting psychological thing to go to just to notice all of that.
9:00
SPEAKER_02: And and then the other thing I want to say about that is this like I've spent my entire adult life being a psychotherapist, and part of that is that I'm coaching, well, working, I wouldn't use the term coach, strike that.
9:15
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm working with people regularly to help them listen to themselves.
9:19
SPEAKER_02: Like part of the process is they come in.
9:21
SPEAKER_02: Like I talk a shit ton on this podcast, but I don't talk like this in session.
9:25
SPEAKER_07: No.
9:26
SPEAKER_02: I'm listening.
9:28
SPEAKER_02: Occasionally I'll tell a little quippy story.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: I might go on a rant or two, but I'm not, you know, like I do here.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: I'm listening, holding space, reflecting back, prodding, pushing, confronting, nurturing, all towards helping the person get clear about what's going on with them and listening to their own thoughts.
9:55
SPEAKER_02: It's like a part of the process of counseling, or even a good conversation, and counseling really I mean, psychotherapy in my opinion is just a really good conversation.
10:02
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, you're like a you're like a highly educated and trained conversationalist.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: That's that's uh in a way, that's very accurate.
10:10
SPEAKER_02: Um but the point of it is kind of different than it's like a social conversation.
10:15
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
10:16
SPEAKER_02: Um you know, the intentionality is different.
10:19
SPEAKER_02: But anyway, I think there's this process that happens during dialogue, during a conversation where I can get because I'm practicing those things, I've gotten better at listening to my own internal monologue or thoughts.
10:36
SPEAKER_02: And then when they come and go, I can sort of like make a choice about how I want to engage with them, if that makes sense.
10:45
SPEAKER_02: And um part of them just being on like an autopilot.
10:49
SPEAKER_02: Totally.
10:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:49
SPEAKER_02: So part of what was really fun about complaining with Tracy was that I was complaining, but I was I I was also just I don't know.
11:01
SPEAKER_02: What do you think about that?
11:02
SPEAKER_02: Like that interaction.
11:03
SPEAKER_07: You were aware that you were complaining.
11:05
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
11:05
SPEAKER_07: I think you were complaining and you were simultaneously able to listen to yourself complain and go, oh, I'm complaining.
11:12
SPEAKER_07: It's like that part of you I'm imagining that's been strengthened not just from your therapy practice, from from from your meditation practice, that observing mind that you aren't not just yourself, but there's also this other thing or the same thing that's able to observe yourself.
11:26
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
11:27
SPEAKER_07: And whether those are different things or the same thing, we could do a whole podcast on that.
11:30
SPEAKER_02: Well, but it's happening right now, so you're proving the point because I wasn't able to articulate it, but by you pray by you, but you're proving you were able to observe it and paraphrase it.
11:41
SPEAKER_02: It's like I needed your nervous system to help me to figure that out.
11:44
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
11:45
SPEAKER_02: And um, and I think that's part of I think that's part of why this pod is great, because we're figuring stuff out as we're talking about it, and people are coming along for that journey.
11:55
SPEAKER_02: You know, it was And so the content is almost kind of like we could just pick it out of anything.
12:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, we could have a I think we do.
12:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we do that sometimes.
12:03
SPEAKER_07: Well, the having had the experience now of uh I I would say last week, it dropped last week, but it was for me in real time two days ago when I sat here also at this little table in this little room packed of stuff and recorded this solo episode.
12:21
SPEAKER_07: Um to just you know, I had some splaining to do.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: And um you have some explaining to do.
12:29
SPEAKER_07: And it it was a and I I just want to say beforehand, like I have I am not a stranger to being by myself and recording content where it's just me talking.
12:45
SPEAKER_07: Like I have done that quite a few times in your teaching.
12:50
SPEAKER_07: In my teach, yes, I've recorded my own teaching videos.
12:53
SPEAKER_07: I had a the a stint of making YouTube videos, which was all myself, you know, created and recorded myself.
13:00
SPEAKER_07: And a lot of times I don't work on a script, I'm just ad-libbing um or speaking freely.
13:06
SPEAKER_07: And um yeah, it was a very different experience than sitting here with you just to just to go back to yeah, this idea that there's this whole nervous system thing that happens.
13:18
SPEAKER_07: And you know, it kind of reminds me of I have a couple that I've been working with doing communication coaching um the past couple uh you know, month and a half or so.
13:29
SPEAKER_07: And I had brought up to them that I would be out of town.
13:33
SPEAKER_07: That you know, we're we're meeting mostly weekly, and I'm like, hey, listen, in two weeks I'm gonna be out of town, but if you want, you know, we could do this over Zoom.
13:40
SPEAKER_07: And one of the members of the couple was like, No, no, I need you here, and it really we didn't talk about it extensively, but it really made me wonder, oh, maybe some of that is like it there's maybe a body doubling thing that happens because I'm listening, you know, I'm part of the way that that session works is I'm you know, one of them is talking, I'm listening and trying to understand, having another person there that's listening and trying to understand, and then helping with the paraphrasing and making sure that everybody else understands, it like can help increase the understanding.
14:16
SPEAKER_07: Because maybe there's something that's going on with this nervous system thing.
14:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there might be something going on with it.
14:23
SPEAKER_02: Like we might actually need each other.
14:26
SPEAKER_02: Oh shit.
14:28
SPEAKER_02: You know?
14:29
SPEAKER_02: Like we might actually actually actually need each other.
14:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:35
SPEAKER_02: And um for thinking, I think is is where we're going with it.
14:40
SPEAKER_02: We need each other for thinking, which is thinking because it's for insight, for discernment, for clarity, for regulation.
14:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:50
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
14:52
SPEAKER_02: For all of those things.
14:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:56
SPEAKER_07: I've had a similar experience recently where I had fallen off my practice of doing morning pages, which has been a really tried and true practice for me.
15:05
SPEAKER_07: And and um the other day I was like, okay, things are too crazy, I'm a little too dysregulated, I gotta get back to this practice.
15:11
SPEAKER_07: And even just sitting and writing, I feel like writing, it's not the same thing, but I do think in some ways it mimics this a little bit because it's it's like externalizing, I'm able to see my thoughts outside of myself.
15:25
SPEAKER_07: Um, and I do notice, yeah, that there's some sort of regulation.
15:29
SPEAKER_07: Not I don't think that it can replace people, but I I kind of wonder if there's a similar thing going on with that.
15:34
SPEAKER_07: That in in the absence of another person writing, externalizing my thoughts.
15:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
15:42
SPEAKER_07: And I do feel like I need writing.
15:44
SPEAKER_07: I mean, when I don't do it and then I start doing it again, I'm like, oh no, no, no, I need this.
15:48
SPEAKER_02: I know.
15:48
SPEAKER_02: You know, the whole idea in cognitive behavioral therapy that most people don't realize is that the behavioral change that they're talking about in CBT is writing.
15:57
SPEAKER_07: Tell me more.
15:57
SPEAKER_07: What do you think?
15:59
SPEAKER_02: And the way cognitive behavioral therapy was kind of developed is that there are a set of kind of what are considered to be irrational or difficult beliefs that human beings hold.
16:09
SPEAKER_02: And the idea in cognitive behavioral therapy is that those beliefs it inform directly the way that we feel.
16:16
SPEAKER_02: And that some of those beliefs that are you know, just I'll just use the term caddywampus.
16:23
SPEAKER_02: I'm thinking you're thinking of like black and white thinking.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: Black and white thinking, mind reading, like thinking you can tell the future.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: Yes, okay.
16:30
SPEAKER_02: Also, you know, like maybe having a negative filter is also one of them.
16:34
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm I'm trained to know what all of them are.
16:36
SPEAKER_07: And no, I remember reading a book once called uh Feeling Great.
16:39
SPEAKER_07: Feeling great.
16:39
SPEAKER_02: Are you feeling good?
16:40
SPEAKER_02: It was originally feeling good, and then it was feeling good again, and then it's feeling great.
16:44
SPEAKER_02: I mean, and that really Beck, that is the book to read, by the way, if you're interested in CBT listeners.
16:50
SPEAKER_02: And there theirs used to be found in CBT.
16:52
SPEAKER_02: Some young Ians, you know, poo-poo it.
16:54
SPEAKER_02: I I just think the saying to poo-poo something is hilarious.
17:00
SPEAKER_02: It's like, what does that actually mean?
17:01
SPEAKER_07: Shit on it.
17:02
SPEAKER_07: You're shitting on it?
17:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, poop, you're poo-pooing it.
17:04
SPEAKER_07: You're poo-pooing.
17:05
SPEAKER_07: I poo-poo it.
17:06
SPEAKER_07: It's kind of a nice way of shitting on it.
17:07
SPEAKER_07: I poo-poo it.
17:10
SPEAKER_07: I want to hear someone say that in court.
17:12
SPEAKER_07: I poo-poo that.
17:15
SPEAKER_02: Your honor?
17:16
SPEAKER_02: I poo-poo.
17:21
SPEAKER_02: It's ridiculous.
17:22
SPEAKER_07: Oh my god, that's so funny.
17:24
SPEAKER_07: I feel like cognitive behavioral I'm thinking of building metaphors, but I feel like Yungian psychology is like the architect, and then cognitive behavioral therapy is like these dudes laying the floor.
17:36
SPEAKER_02: Well, that's an interesting idea.
17:37
SPEAKER_02: It's an interesting analogy.
17:38
SPEAKER_02: I'll have to think on the other thing.
17:39
SPEAKER_07: I just like, you know, you really kind of need both of the I I don't know.
17:44
SPEAKER_07: For some reason, like the Youngin makes me think of like structure and like what's under what's holding everything up.
17:50
SPEAKER_07: And unseen, like a good building, in a good architectured building, you don't notice the architecture or something.
18:00
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
18:00
SPEAKER_07: You know what I mean?
18:01
SPEAKER_07: You're not like, oh, that's what a what a right angle that is.
18:04
SPEAKER_07: You're you're you know what I mean?
18:05
SPEAKER_07: You're dang, he really nailed that 90 degrees in that corner.
18:11
SPEAKER_07: Um the rule of thirds is really popping in this cathedral.
18:18
SPEAKER_07: You know, you don't say that, you just go, wow.
18:21
SPEAKER_07: You have an experience with it.
18:23
SPEAKER_07: Sure.
18:24
SPEAKER_02: Well, that's a that's cool.
18:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so back to the thing about the writing, what you were saying.
18:29
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
18:29
SPEAKER_02: Okay, yeah.
18:30
SPEAKER_02: Is that it is that the instruction is okay, the the client then learns what the negative thought patterns are.
18:36
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
18:37
SPEAKER_02: Okay, learns to learns to be able to identify them.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
18:40
SPEAKER_02: And then the recommendation is that every every morning you sit down and just for 15 minutes, you let your mind become still, and then you just sit.
18:51
SPEAKER_02: It's almost like you're like sitting outside of a remember those little holes in the wall where a little mouse would come out of?
18:58
SPEAKER_02: Like Tom and Jerry?
18:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:59
SPEAKER_07: I'm thinking like going fishing.
19:01
SPEAKER_02: You know, Jerry was in there, little Jerry was in there, and the mouse would come out.
19:04
SPEAKER_02: It's like you're sitting outside, you're just waiting.
19:06
SPEAKER_02: So you sit and you watch the mind.
19:08
SPEAKER_02: Again, this is this idea about around metacognition.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: You sit and you watch the mind, and then a thought comes out, and you just write down every thought that's coming out of your mind, but you but you sp you specifically write down the all the negative thoughts that you're having.
19:23
SPEAKER_02: Like, for example, if I if I were to do this about the addition, I would be saying things like, Oh my god, this is the worst thing I've ever gone through.
19:31
SPEAKER_02: When is it gonna be over?
19:32
SPEAKER_02: I'm so stressed, I'm never gonna be able to handle it.
19:35
SPEAKER_02: It's so freaking dusty in here, I'm gonna get dengue fever from the mosquitoes.
19:39
SPEAKER_02: Like, I you know, like if I just let myself go with all of the the negativity that I have around it, those would be some things that would come out.
19:48
SPEAKER_02: So you write those things out, right?
19:50
SPEAKER_02: And then you look at them and you go back to your list of negative things and you identify, oh, here's black and white thinking, oh, here's future telling, uh-huh, oh, here's negative filter, oh, here's mind reading, oh, you know, here's exaggeration, here's hyperbole, like I'm really famous for this is the worst.
20:12
SPEAKER_07: Oh, you're really famous.
20:16
SPEAKER_07: I'm the most famous one.
20:17
SPEAKER_07: You are the most famous for hyperbole.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: So you identify it and then you take that thought and you change it.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: And you write it, you write down the other, you write down the alternative.
20:32
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, this is all kind of because I read Feeling Great like way, way back when I was not feeling great.
20:37
SPEAKER_02: So then you write you write down the alternative, which is something like this will come to an end.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: While this is a difficult time, actually I have faced many challenges in the past.
20:48
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
20:48
SPEAKER_02: And I am capable of facing this one.
20:50
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
20:52
SPEAKER_02: Like that.
20:53
SPEAKER_07: It gives a little um um what was the guy on SNL?
20:59
SPEAKER_07: Stuart's I'm smart enough, I'm good enough, and gosh darn it.
21:03
SPEAKER_07: People like me.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: People like me.
21:06
SPEAKER_07: But it does work.
21:07
SPEAKER_07: And I'm realizing, I say I had totally forgotten, I remembered the gist of feeling great, but I had kind of forgotten a lot of it.
21:15
SPEAKER_07: And I'm realizing that what happens for me is when I get into a tizzy.
21:22
SPEAKER_07: Um the the dog and the cat are getting ready to get into one.
21:28
SPEAKER_07: Um when I get into a tizzy, I will be like, all right, I gotta go, I gotta start writing.
21:35
SPEAKER_07: I gotta start writing again.
21:36
SPEAKER_07: And that first session of writing is always all the negative thoughts.
21:40
SPEAKER_07: Negative thoughts.
21:41
SPEAKER_07: I don't I think I I will tend to start to get myself to what you're saying, like getting to the the reframing of the thoughts.
21:50
SPEAKER_07: But um I think it would really help if I wrote them down.
21:57
SPEAKER_07: Hey.
24:06
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, you don't have to get a lot of you.
24:29
SPEAKER_05: No, do you?
24:30
SPEAKER_05: Always talking about um writing in the morning and yeah.
24:34
SPEAKER_02: So you just continue.
24:37
SPEAKER_05: I don't remember the last thing I said.
24:39
SPEAKER_02: Why don't you give a clap so you know where the editing is?
24:41
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I will.
24:42
SPEAKER_05: I just gotta think of what I'm gonna say.
24:43
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
24:46
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I think where you were was basically you were saying when you when you sat down, when you sit down to start writing, like all the negative stuff will start to come out just naturally first.
24:56
SPEAKER_02: And I just don't do the the writing down.
24:59
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
25:00
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
25:00
SPEAKER_02: Um But I mean, do you think maybe as you're reading it, as you're writing it, you're able to identify, oh my God.
25:10
SPEAKER_07: So we totally just got interrupted by the dog and the cat.
25:14
SPEAKER_07: But um, going back to what I think I was saying was that yeah, when I start wr when I start, when I haven't been writing and I start writing again, and especially if I'm still upset, then I just write all the negative thoughts.
25:26
SPEAKER_07: And I do think that it helps me get to a place where I start working out.
25:33
SPEAKER_07: Like I do think that there is something that happens when I'm reading myself writing the negative thoughts.
25:38
SPEAKER_07: Like I think that I can already start to see, okay, well, this is an over-exaggeration or blah blah blah.
25:44
SPEAKER_07: And what I did notice this past time that I started to return back to writing is the next day I didn't have all that stuff.
25:52
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
25:53
SPEAKER_07: It's like they're really and for me, it's it's always just like a it's like a uh when I taught this technique, I would call it the great brain drain.
26:04
SPEAKER_07: Morning pages, you mean?
26:05
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
26:06
SPEAKER_07: The great brain drain.
26:07
SPEAKER_07: Like it's just getting so what's your practice?
26:09
SPEAKER_02: You just write uh whatever comes into your mind without stopping for three full three full pages?
26:15
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's ideal.
26:16
SPEAKER_07: Okay.
26:17
SPEAKER_07: That's ideal.
26:18
SPEAKER_07: Um I do follow I follow most of the instructions given by um uh Julia Cameron in the artist way.
26:28
SPEAKER_07: That's the origination of that practice.
26:30
SPEAKER_07: And and then depending, I may do some different things.
26:34
SPEAKER_07: So when I'm really in the practice, what I've noticed is I haven't been writing it by hand as much, and so it's it's a little challenging for my hand.
26:42
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
26:42
SPEAKER_07: And my handwriting's gotten worse.
26:45
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
26:45
SPEAKER_07: Um, which I actually not that my handwriting needs to be perfect, but I do find that I am more mindful and calm when my handwriting is just a little bit neater.
26:55
SPEAKER_07: And so it's like I gotta slow down, and so I think there's something about slowing down with my thoughts too.
27:01
SPEAKER_07: And yeah, and then I literally just write like a lot of times I start with good morning.
27:06
SPEAKER_07: I will usually tell my morning pages good morning, and sometimes I'll report on that's adorable, you know, where I'm at.
27:13
SPEAKER_07: I'm right, you know, good morning, I'm writing from the edition, blah, blah, blah.
27:18
SPEAKER_07: I mean, totally.
27:19
SPEAKER_07: And then uh if I do do the full three pages.
27:24
SPEAKER_07: Oh, Poppy.
27:27
SPEAKER_07: He's so sweet.
27:29
SPEAKER_07: So if I do um all the three pa the three pages, usually by the third page, this is how it happens.
27:37
SPEAKER_07: The first page is just whatever.
27:39
SPEAKER_07: The second page, I'm usually thinking out like what's happening in my day.
27:44
SPEAKER_07: I'm kind of like thinking through my day.
27:46
SPEAKER_07: Okay, well, I need to make sure that this happens.
27:48
SPEAKER_07: Oh, you know what?
27:49
SPEAKER_07: I totally forgot about this, or whatever it is that's on my mind.
27:53
SPEAKER_07: And then usually by the third page, if I'm like, all right, I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna do all three pages, um, I will switch into a practice that Liz Gilbert has been teaching the past couple years, which she calls letters from love.
28:10
SPEAKER_07: And I I then it's like I get all my own shit out of the way.
28:14
SPEAKER_07: And then I sometimes I'll grab another colored pen and I'll write, dear love, what would you have me know today?
28:21
SPEAKER_07: Or any other question that I want to know.
28:23
SPEAKER_07: But that's sort of the default question.
28:24
SPEAKER_07: Dear love, what would you have me know today?
28:26
SPEAKER_07: And then the instructions per Liz Gilbert is to then write to yourself as if you were love or God or whatever you want to call it, and always start with um what would she call it?
28:42
SPEAKER_07: Um, some sort of affectionate phrasing.
28:45
SPEAKER_07: So I I don't know why for me.
28:48
SPEAKER_07: Um it it will often be something like, oh my dear sweet butterbean.
28:56
SPEAKER_07: You know, you can just rest.
28:58
SPEAKER_02: I know why.
28:59
SPEAKER_02: Why?
29:00
SPEAKER_02: Because butterbeans are delicious.
29:02
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, I just always default to a butterbean or you know, it's just some sort of little, you know, oh my i it's like your grandma's talking to you or something.
29:12
SPEAKER_07: And it really kind of puts me in an interesting state.
29:15
SPEAKER_07: And then and then I kind of again just kind of let whatever flow through.
29:20
SPEAKER_07: And sometimes I'll get some really sweet nuggets of wisdom that way.
29:24
SPEAKER_07: I love that.
29:26
SPEAKER_07: And then it's nice to connect with that.
29:28
SPEAKER_07: So I you know, I don't always it becomes like a written prayer in a way.
29:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh totally.
29:32
SPEAKER_07: I mean, I I consider those morning pages a spiritual practice, and I mean sometimes it'll take me.
29:37
SPEAKER_07: I mean, if I can just write straight, if I'm doing three pages, that's still gonna take like 25 minutes.
29:42
SPEAKER_07: And if I'm like pausing or getting interrupted or whatever, it might be 45 minutes.
29:46
SPEAKER_07: And you know, if I have that time, I do it, and if I don't, it's totally okay.
29:49
SPEAKER_07: I try not to get caught up in that.
29:51
SPEAKER_07: Sometimes I go days or weeks without doing it, but it is probably the number one like when the shit hits the fan, that is the first thing I'm leaning on.
30:03
SPEAKER_07: And that's great.
30:05
SPEAKER_07: I mean that and that's how it's been for me forever.
30:08
SPEAKER_07: It's it's my writing, I mean it it's yeah, I just have a really sweet relationship with writing, even if I'm not if I'm doing it or not.
30:21
SPEAKER_07: I'm definitely been in a season of not writing as much for a variety of reasons.
30:26
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
30:27
SPEAKER_07: Um but it clogs I I I can feel like it clogs me up a little bit.
30:32
SPEAKER_02: Not writing clogs you up a little bit.
30:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
30:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
30:36
SPEAKER_02: Well, something I was thinking when I was listening to you is that like when I'm writing, particularly if I'm writing um in a journal forum about my interiority, you know, what's happening in my thoughts or my body or my feelings, um, is that I've turned my focus inwards, so now I'm reflecting.
30:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
30:57
SPEAKER_02: And it's very difficult to write about what I'm thinking and feeling and also maintain another thought or feeling at the same time.
31:07
SPEAKER_02: Right.
31:08
SPEAKER_02: Whereas I am regularly in my life engaged in one behavior but lost in a sea of thought.
31:15
SPEAKER_02: Listening with one ear, thinking with the other.
31:17
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
31:18
SPEAKER_02: Uh, seeing something with my eye, thinking something with my mind, hearing something that's a voice.
31:23
SPEAKER_02: I mean, my mind is full regularly with all kinds of just these different, I don't think register is the right word for it, but just these different like where things are coming in.
31:34
SPEAKER_02: Things come in through your eyes, they come in through your ears, they come in through your nose, they come in through your skin, it's like things are coming in.
31:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
31:39
SPEAKER_02: And also my mind is generating thoughts.
31:44
SPEAKER_02: And those are all interacting with the beliefs that I have and the experiences that I have and whatever other unconscious patterning is going on within me.
31:54
SPEAKER_02: And so it's all pinging kind of all the time.
31:57
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, uh that's my experience of living in my own skin.
32:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
32:02
SPEAKER_02: And and you know, I don't know if you can relate to that.
32:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you can relate.
32:05
SPEAKER_02: So then so good.
32:06
SPEAKER_02: So if it's not just me and it's not just you, I'm gonna I'm gonna make a um, I'm just gonna say that might be part of what it is to be human, is that like that's what's going on for most folks.
32:15
SPEAKER_02: I mean uh Roshi Kaplow used to say, most of us are wandering around lost in a sea of thoughts.
32:20
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
32:21
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, I I think this thing about like sitting and reflecting inward and then writing, all I can really think about is that.
32:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it it because it's difficult.
32:33
SPEAKER_02: Even trying to write you got that hand eye coordination.
32:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, cursive is making a comeback.
32:39
SPEAKER_02: They're I I've heard this that they're gonna that they're gonna start teaching cursive again.
32:42
SPEAKER_02: Because what's going on with kids is that that they're read the constitution.
32:47
SPEAKER_02: Right, but they're also are struggling with writing.
32:49
SPEAKER_02: They can write on a keyboard, but they can't write.
32:50
SPEAKER_02: And apparently that writing with the hand is really good for reflection and thinking, uh, critical thinking, particularly being able to write with your hand.
33:00
SPEAKER_02: Um totally, yeah, totally, totally, totally.
33:03
SPEAKER_07: And I mean, I do, you know, sometimes I also lean on the practice of I'm sure I brought it up on this podcast before, but the website 750words.com, which is a digital version of morning pages that you can sign up for.
33:18
SPEAKER_07: And I love it.
33:20
SPEAKER_07: Um, one of my previous um business coaching clients just recently shared that she's coming up on a uh thousand-day streak writing on there.
33:30
SPEAKER_07: And mostly it's I mean, I had encouraged her to do it to start to generate some email marketing content.
33:36
SPEAKER_07: Um, but I think she also uses it as journaling as well.
33:40
SPEAKER_07: And that has and that I don't know if she actually writes with it with her hand, but even just doing that for a couple years.
33:46
SPEAKER_07: Wow.
33:47
SPEAKER_07: Um, has really helped.
33:49
SPEAKER_07: And I find that when I type it a lot of times when I'm typing, it's like I when I'm t I think of it this way, when I'm typing, even if it's still a stream of consciousness, and even if it gets kind of journalistic, um the intention is that it it's for other people.
34:11
SPEAKER_07: Ugh.
34:13
SPEAKER_07: Like when I'm writing my email or audience changes.
34:17
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, that it that the audience sometimes, and sometimes I still do feel like I'm talking to God or whatever, or it's nothing that I would ever share with anybody.
34:24
SPEAKER_07: Right.
34:24
SPEAKER_07: But it's like when I'm m generating content, I will transfer my writing practice to the computer.
34:34
SPEAKER_07: I mean, just for the utility of I don't have to pre-type, I can copy and paste it into a word doc that I'll then edit.
34:41
SPEAKER_07: Right.
34:42
SPEAKER_07: Whereas sometimes I'll have ideas in my morning pages, but I don't know, it's kind of like those are for me.
34:52
SPEAKER_07: And I do generate ideas via typing, but I completely agree with this observation that there is something uniquely and for me essential that happens with writing by hand.
35:09
SPEAKER_07: And they kind of both have their place.
35:10
SPEAKER_07: I kind of go in and out.
35:11
SPEAKER_07: Some days sometimes I'm writing morning pages and I'm writing 750 words.
35:15
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
35:18
SPEAKER_07: And those days are days that I have a lot of time in the morning.
35:22
SPEAKER_05: Excuse me.
35:24
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
35:27
SPEAKER_07: That's a nice slow morning.
35:29
SPEAKER_07: I know.
35:30
SPEAKER_07: So that's why I don't like I didn't I didn't write this morning because we wanted to get this done.
35:35
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
35:35
SPEAKER_02: The edition edition.
35:36
SPEAKER_02: The edition Which is actually about thinking, thinking and writing writing, metacognition.
35:46
SPEAKER_07: The addition, addition about metacognition.
35:50
SPEAKER_07: I think that'll be our title.
35:55
SPEAKER_02: Well, one of the things about the edition that has really struck me, um, to get back to um maybe some stuff around intentionality, is that there's a saying that is one of my mottos that I love.
36:07
SPEAKER_02: And um and the saying is the map is not the territory.
36:11
SPEAKER_02: Right?
36:12
SPEAKER_02: You know, the map is not the territory.
36:14
SPEAKER_02: You can look at a map and say, This is where I'm.
36:16
SPEAKER_02: By the way, remember topographical maps?
36:18
SPEAKER_07: Oh, yeah, I can almost feel it on the map.
36:20
SPEAKER_07: Where you can fingertip where you can feel the globe.
36:23
SPEAKER_02: But topography, topical globe.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: I know we need one.
36:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
36:28
SPEAKER_02: I love maps.
36:29
SPEAKER_02: I'm really into maps a lot this year, and old maps and compasses, and I don't know.
36:34
SPEAKER_02: They're they've they've captured my imagination a little bit more.
36:37
SPEAKER_02: So it's like uh, you know, I can look at a map and say, this is what it's this is this.
36:42
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna go to St.
36:43
SPEAKER_02: Pete to visit Vieira, my daughter, and this is the map.
36:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm gonna make a left at 17th, I'm gonna go down Hannah, I'm gonna make a left on Nebraska, I'm gonna get on the interstate, I'm gonna get off at 54th Avenue, I'm gonna go to visit her.
36:58
SPEAKER_02: I know I can see the map in my mind right now.
37:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know.
37:01
SPEAKER_02: And and that would be the route that I could take, but it would not be the experience of going there.
37:10
SPEAKER_07: And I think that a map is a static image, yeah, whereas a territory is always changing.
37:19
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
37:19
SPEAKER_07: And I think that that's part of it because it's like maps change.
37:22
SPEAKER_07: I think I'm thinking about the old maps where they would say, you know, here there be ja dragons.
37:27
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
37:28
SPEAKER_07: Or something, you know what I mean?
37:29
SPEAKER_07: I mean, and maybe there are dragons, I don't know, but you know, so far there there'd not be no dragons there.
37:34
SPEAKER_02: I can tell you, there have been many times I've been stuck on the Howard Franklin Bridge and I'm looking out over that water.
37:46
SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't be a bit surprised if there's a fair amount of dragons in that water out there.
37:50
SPEAKER_07: But you but do you know what I mean about like uh as times?
37:53
SPEAKER_07: Go by times go by, maps maps change.
37:56
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
37:57
SPEAKER_07: You can look at all these old maps of the United States.
38:00
SPEAKER_02: Even yeah, sure.
38:02
SPEAKER_02: And like where we decide a boundary is will change.
38:05
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
38:06
SPEAKER_02: Um it I but I think in regards to the house, like we had a map about what it was gonna look like.
38:13
SPEAKER_02: We had there was like there were plans.
38:15
SPEAKER_02: There were plans, there were architectural plans, and and all of it has changed.
38:20
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
38:21
SPEAKER_02: I mean stuff that we built in addition.
38:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's continued on.
38:26
SPEAKER_02: That happened.
38:27
SPEAKER_02: That is, yes.
38:29
SPEAKER_02: And we got here and there was there were some things that were predictable about it, but a lot of the territory was unpredictable.
38:35
SPEAKER_02: Like last Thursday morning, we got a door installed in the house and it was supposed to be installed on Friday.
38:42
SPEAKER_02: And and while we had a different size, and I was just being so stubborn, like this is not going to mess up our day.
38:48
SPEAKER_02: I don't care.
38:49
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to power through this.
38:50
SPEAKER_02: I totally this is this is actually really funny because I totally was like in my ego.
38:56
SPEAKER_02: I was like in my strong Kelly, strong.
38:59
SPEAKER_02: I think I need to be strong.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to be strong.
39:02
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to handle this with strength.
39:03
SPEAKER_02: Place.
39:04
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
39:04
SPEAKER_02: Right?
39:05
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
39:05
SPEAKER_02: Me, me, me.
39:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm this is exactly when the trickster's gonna show up because what happens?
39:10
SPEAKER_02: We sit at the we managed to pull it all together.
39:12
SPEAKER_02: You don't even really want to do it.
39:13
SPEAKER_02: You're very upset.
39:14
SPEAKER_07: No, as soon as they showed up, I was like, we're not recording.
39:16
SPEAKER_07: No, I'm not recording.
39:17
SPEAKER_02: You had a really difficult day that day.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: It was ri it really it it it really brought up a lot for you.
39:22
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
39:22
SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, like the intrusiveness, the suddenness that they're ripping a hole in our bedroom wall, which was very it's a very intimate space for us too.
39:30
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, like it just was a lot.
39:32
SPEAKER_07: And then it was sudden, I mean, even though I knew they were coming the next day, the fact that they showed up a day early, it was just I mean, right.
39:39
SPEAKER_07: There was a lot, there were a lot of elements that would be like uh what's it what's it called when you gotta leave you gotta leave your home.
39:50
SPEAKER_07: I mean, I guess relocated.
39:52
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
39:53
SPEAKER_07: But there's another there's another word where you have to surprisingly leave your home.
39:56
SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
39:57
SPEAKER_07: I'll think about it in a minute.
39:58
SPEAKER_07: It'll I'll it'll come up.
39:59
SPEAKER_07: People are listening to this podcast going, This is the work, this is the work.
40:03
SPEAKER_02: Um it's mmm.
40:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
40:05
SPEAKER_02: Um I don't know, but then but it is like I'm sitting there at the table with you.
40:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
40:09
SPEAKER_02: And I'm making us record this podcast.
40:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
40:12
SPEAKER_02: And I'm just going off about the Odyssey and all kinds of other weird stuff.
40:16
SPEAKER_07: Oh, you tell the story of the Fisher King.
40:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like this whole whole episode, and then 45 minutes in, you look down and you're like, no, we didn't record anything.
40:24
SPEAKER_07: No, I just listen to you tell these stories and talk to you about them.
40:27
SPEAKER_02: And this is when the trickster comes in.
40:29
SPEAKER_02: This is this is when it's like when I'm thinking I've got it together.
40:34
SPEAKER_02: Um I'm on track.
40:35
SPEAKER_02: Got it.
40:36
SPEAKER_02: When I think I know the way to get somewhere.
40:38
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
40:39
SPEAKER_07: This is Trickster's role.
40:40
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, this is when you go out to your car and your battery's dead.
40:43
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
40:43
SPEAKER_07: Trickster.
40:45
SPEAKER_07: Sorry, that actually happened.
40:48
SPEAKER_07: That actually happened in the last moment.
40:50
SPEAKER_07: What was the there were other circumstances around it?
40:52
SPEAKER_07: I can't even remember.
40:53
SPEAKER_07: But it was like, it was a day where it's like, are you effing kidding me?
40:57
SPEAKER_02: Are you kidding me?
40:58
SPEAKER_07: Oh no, no, no, no.
40:59
SPEAKER_07: Your battery is dead and you're parked behind me.
41:02
SPEAKER_07: That's what it is.
41:03
SPEAKER_07: I gotta leave for work.
41:05
SPEAKER_07: Your battery's dead.
41:07
SPEAKER_07: I go to move your car because we only have one driveway now because there's a big dumpster.
41:12
SPEAKER_07: So we're parking behind each other.
41:13
SPEAKER_07: This is not normal.
41:14
SPEAKER_07: She's parked behind me.
41:15
SPEAKER_07: I go to move her car, it won't fucking turn on.
41:19
SPEAKER_07: It won't turn on.
41:21
SPEAKER_07: And then we're like, okay, okay.
41:23
SPEAKER_07: I text my client.
41:24
SPEAKER_07: I'm like, listen, I'm running a little bit late.
41:26
SPEAKER_07: I'm like, okay, we can put the car in neutral and back it out.
41:32
SPEAKER_07: Or we can put the car in reverse and back it out and then put it in neutral and get it back, and I can get my car out and blah, blah, blah.
41:37
SPEAKER_07: So we get your car out of the driveway.
41:40
SPEAKER_07: The ass of your car is now in the street.
41:42
SPEAKER_07: Right.
41:42
SPEAKER_07: I managed to get my car backed out.
41:44
SPEAKER_07: Right.
41:45
SPEAKER_07: Now we gotta push your SUV up an angled driveway.
41:52
SPEAKER_02: We weren't doing it either.
41:53
SPEAKER_02: It was not that car was not moving.
41:57
SPEAKER_07: Thank goodness we had a good Samaritan neighbor drive by.
42:00
SPEAKER_07: He drives past us, and then I see his his rear view light or his brake light, whatever they're called.
42:06
SPEAKER_07: Reverse lights come on.
42:07
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
42:08
SPEAKER_07: What are those even called?
42:09
SPEAKER_07: Um, and then he starts coming back.
42:12
SPEAKER_07: Tail lights.
42:12
SPEAKER_07: Tail lights.
42:13
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
42:13
SPEAKER_07: He's like, oh, y'all need some help.
42:15
SPEAKER_02: Oh, he was great.
42:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:17
SPEAKER_02: I mean, right when you right when I thought.
42:20
SPEAKER_07: I'm calling the name.
42:21
SPEAKER_07: I'm calling the neighbor.
42:21
SPEAKER_07: I'm like, hey, are you home?
42:23
SPEAKER_07: We need somebody.
42:25
SPEAKER_07: Not the 80-year-old neighbor, but someone able-bodied.
42:32
SPEAKER_07: Trickster.
42:33
SPEAKER_07: We get our trees done last week.
42:35
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
42:35
SPEAKER_07: The day before the the door comes in.
42:38
SPEAKER_07: They start that work in our master bedroom.
42:40
SPEAKER_07: We're getting our trees done.
42:41
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
42:42
SPEAKER_07: The tree guys are like, hey, listen, we need you to move your cars because we need to be able to use the driveway.
42:46
SPEAKER_07: Okay, no problem.
42:47
SPEAKER_07: I go, I back my car out.
42:50
SPEAKER_07: The comp the entire block is everyone else is getting their trees trimmed.
42:56
SPEAKER_07: So there's up with that.
42:58
SPEAKER_07: There was four tree trucks on the street.
43:03
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
43:04
SPEAKER_07: There was no, I had to drive all around the block and then find a neighbor who would let us park in their driveway.
43:12
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: Ay, ay, aye.
43:15
SPEAKER_02: Ay, ay, aye.
43:17
SPEAKER_02: So mostly the thing about the addition is I think more than anything, it's been inconvenient.
43:23
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, definitely.
43:25
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's it's uh and and this good and this goes back to sort of like how strongly my self-centeredness really deeply runs inside of me.
43:34
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
43:35
SPEAKER_02: It's like, well, no, it's the middle of the night, and I need to go to the bathroom the way I like it.
43:44
SPEAKER_07: Oh, well, okay, queenie McQueen, queen.
43:48
SPEAKER_07: Oh, you mean how you ripped down the plastic sheeting that one day?
43:51
SPEAKER_07: Totally came home and I was like, fuck this plastic sheeting.
43:54
SPEAKER_07: And like ripped it like in the most inconvenient place for them.
43:58
SPEAKER_07: I was like, I was like, you know.
44:00
SPEAKER_02: No, they're I knew they were gonna have to redo it anyway.
44:02
SPEAKER_02: And I was in a fit of peak.
44:04
SPEAKER_07: So I was like, I'm like, can I, you know, can I help you?
44:08
SPEAKER_07: You can help me take this down.
44:09
SPEAKER_07: And I'm like, okay, before I even have my shoes on, you're walking back around.
44:13
SPEAKER_07: It's down.
44:14
SPEAKER_07: I'm like, sometimes I have a lot of Sagittarius.
44:20
SPEAKER_02: I have a lot of Sagittarius in my chart.
44:23
SPEAKER_02: A lot of a lot of oh, sorry, I was clapping for a mosquito, not for the editing.
44:27
SPEAKER_02: Um, I have a lot of Sagittarius in my chart, and sometimes fire just takes me over.
44:32
SPEAKER_02: And um, like I'm like, like I'm like, I'm gonna burn it all down.
44:37
SPEAKER_02: Last night there was some mosquitoes in our mosquitoes in our.
44:42
SPEAKER_07: So the doors are being left open because they're bringing some in and out of the house.
44:46
SPEAKER_07: So there's just mosquitoes in the house.
44:47
SPEAKER_02: And I mean And denke fever is going around.
44:49
SPEAKER_07: Well also they don't bite me the way they bite you.
44:52
SPEAKER_07: They love me.
44:54
SPEAKER_07: They always I don't even know if I've gotten a mosquito bite.
44:57
SPEAKER_02: I have like 15 on me.
44:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
44:58
SPEAKER_02: I mean, they just have always.
45:00
SPEAKER_07: It does not bother me the way it bothers you.
45:02
SPEAKER_07: So just just to give a little context there to what I'm saying.
45:05
SPEAKER_02: I also think it's possible I might have a little allergy, or maybe I'm a little more histaminic than you.
45:08
SPEAKER_02: So I I I do tend to react to them more because of my constitution.
45:13
SPEAKER_02: So uh what was your solution?
45:15
SPEAKER_02: Mosquitoes in the bedroom.
45:17
SPEAKER_02: Well, there was a fair amount of grumbling, I think.
45:19
SPEAKER_02: And then I was and then there was a solid fuck it.
45:23
SPEAKER_02: And then I went outside and I got the leaf blower.
45:27
SPEAKER_02: I came into the room and I just blew the entire room.
45:31
SPEAKER_02: I'm eating dinner.
45:32
SPEAKER_07: Like I'm sitting in the bed trying to eat my bowl.
45:40
SPEAKER_07: Meanwhile, machine gun Kelly walks in with the leaf blower.
45:44
SPEAKER_07: I'm like, I'm getting out of here.
45:46
SPEAKER_07: You sit here and blow all you want.
45:49
SPEAKER_02: Somehow I feel like it worked.
45:51
SPEAKER_02: Well, I think it helped you blow off some steam.
45:53
SPEAKER_02: It might have.
45:54
SPEAKER_02: That might have been it.
45:56
SPEAKER_02: You're just sitting in the bed with the leaf blower.
46:00
SPEAKER_02: Daring any mistake to come your way.
46:02
SPEAKER_02: The leaf blower, I had the leaf blower right outside the room, too.
46:05
SPEAKER_00: I was like, come on.
46:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna blow you to Kingdom come.
46:09
SPEAKER_07: There's totally one on your head right at this moment.
46:12
SPEAKER_07: There is?
46:12
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
46:15
SPEAKER_02: I'm done.
46:16
SPEAKER_02: This episode is over.
46:18
SPEAKER_02: I'm over this.
46:20
SPEAKER_02: Good God.
46:22
SPEAKER_02: So I think like just that inconvenience.
46:25
SPEAKER_07: But what that no, and like we're still working, like we're still showing up at work and seeing client.
46:30
SPEAKER_02: I think it's like what it signals to my primitive nervous system, I think is what it is.
46:37
SPEAKER_02: You know, and listen, I'm just kind of formulating this now, but like one of the things that you and I were talking about yesterday was like how incredibly loud some of the work has been recently.
46:45
SPEAKER_02: Um, because they they pull the they pull the floor up and then they they grind it down with some horrible machine.
46:51
SPEAKER_07: And and while they're pulling it like a there's like a lot of sawing and whirring and noises like like you know, and the bedroom we're staying is like literally in the middle of the house, they're just surrounded on three sides of all the floor they're working on, so it's like you just can't get any peace.
47:11
SPEAKER_02: Well, and I one of the things that's been coming up for me, and I've been, you know, I've been practicing just a little bit of Tong Len uh this this week.
47:19
SPEAKER_02: Which is uh love and compassion.
47:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean I'll I'll I'll I'll walk through that practice before we before we finish.
47:24
SPEAKER_02: Kind of it's actually an exchanging self for others practice.
47:28
SPEAKER_02: One of the things that's been coming to me is like it was so loud, and then I started thinking, okay, this is really inconvenient, and it's loud, and I'm having a hard time concentrating.
47:36
SPEAKER_02: But I had a really nice air-conditioned office to go to.
47:39
SPEAKER_02: Our office is beautiful, and so I was able to go.
47:41
SPEAKER_02: We I mean, you know, it was it was really completely fine.
47:44
SPEAKER_02: But I found myself thinking, what if I didn't have someplace to go?
47:47
SPEAKER_02: And what if this was happening to me because of something that was outside of my control?
47:51
SPEAKER_02: Like our country was at war or there was a natural disaster or whatever it was.
47:54
SPEAKER_02: And then I started thinking about all the people who were who right now are going through that.
47:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
47:59
SPEAKER_02: And my heart was just filled with like really an unbearable compassion for how really challenging, I mean, how really challenging I I don't know what it's like to live like that.
48:12
SPEAKER_02: Like I think about like peop I mean, like, but there are wars going on.
48:15
SPEAKER_02: I mean, there's a war in Iran, what's going on in Palestine, you know, the Congress.
48:19
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's uh Ukraine, uh you know, there's all there's this constantly wars going on, and I and it's like people are living through those.
48:27
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
48:28
SPEAKER_02: And I don't think I can say uh uh you know, choicefully, mindfully, conditionally choosing to put uh an addition on our house is not in any way like going to war.
48:39
SPEAKER_02: No, but there is something kind of similar in that it's incredibly disruptive to the home.
48:47
SPEAKER_02: It is and there's so much about having a space that is safe, like that primary level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
48:57
SPEAKER_02: Like we have to have food and we have to have like shelter.
49:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
49:03
SPEAKER_02: Um and it is you know, and so I l I think about people who I really admire, like I mean, I really admire the Dalai Lama.
49:13
SPEAKER_02: I really admire some of the Tibetans that crossed out of Tibet that survived that horrible genocide that that happened in Tibet and that you know that were imprisoned.
49:26
SPEAKER_02: You know, the Garchin Rebuche, for example, who, God bless him, is a hundred, and I think he's getting ready to turn 101, he's sick right now, but I mean he's still teaching, actively teaching at 101 after living through all of that.
49:40
SPEAKER_02: Or a hundred, I think he's a hundred.
49:43
SPEAKER_02: He spent twenty years in a Chinese prison.
49:47
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
49:48
SPEAKER_02: Um for being a monk.
49:52
SPEAKER_02: Right.
49:54
SPEAKER_02: I mean like what?
49:58
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, the Tonglin practices you you sort of exchange where you are for another person.
50:05
SPEAKER_02: And so um what what I was thinking about when I was going through that was I was thinking about all the pain that all those other people are experiencing.
50:13
SPEAKER_02: And instead of trying to do something else with it, I really intentionally inhaled it.
50:18
SPEAKER_02: Inhaled it like a dark cloud, like all the pain of all the people who are suffering with issues around shelter.
50:25
SPEAKER_02: And that is a pervasive human issue.
50:28
SPEAKER_02: And so it's like, okay, I just breathed it in the tongue-line parts, you breathe all that in like it's a dark cloud, and then I just breathed out loving kindness, compassion, safety towards them, you know, praying, praying for them.
50:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, so anyway, that's one of the ways I've been getting through it.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: Those are some of the ways.
50:45
SPEAKER_02: Leaf blower, the occasional freak out and cuss fest, um, etc.
50:51
SPEAKER_02: A lot of blowing off steam with you, a lot of laughter, lots and lots of laughter.
50:55
SPEAKER_02: I think we've been pretty good about using humor and laughing through it, you know.
50:58
SPEAKER_07: I told a client, a client walked on the other day and she just said, How's it, you know, how are you?
51:04
SPEAKER_07: And I just couldn't help but be like, Oh my god, we're going through an edition.
51:07
SPEAKER_07: And she goes, Oh.
51:10
SPEAKER_07: Oh.
51:11
SPEAKER_07: And she goes, her first thing is, Are you in a relationship?
51:14
SPEAKER_07: I was like, Yeah.
51:15
SPEAKER_07: She was like, Oh.
51:18
SPEAKER_07: I said, I think we're okay, but you know, a few moments.
51:26
SPEAKER_07: But yeah.
51:28
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
51:29
SPEAKER_07: Wow.
51:29
SPEAKER_07: Well, thanks for leaving us with that um Tonglen practice.
51:33
SPEAKER_07: I really appreciate that that refresher on that.
51:36
SPEAKER_07: And I will um think about that when um it gets really loud the next time it gets really loud here.
51:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, it's like i it the the instruction around really working with tongue lun as a as a mindfulness practice or as a way to um and you know, just w work with your w work with reality really, is that anytime you're experiencing anything that's uncomfortable, think of all the other people in the world who are experiencing that same thing.
52:00
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
52:01
SPEAKER_02: And then send them loving, kindness, compassion.
52:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, love thought.
52:06
SPEAKER_02: Joy, you know, whatever it is that whatever it is that you need, send it to them.
52:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
52:11
SPEAKER_02: And when you really understand emptiness, you'll know why that works.
52:15
SPEAKER_02: But that's a topic for another discussion.
52:17
SPEAKER_07: And we will have another episode on that.
52:20
SPEAKER_07: Oh, thank you all for listening as always, and for sharing with your friends.
52:27
SPEAKER_07: If this episode made you think of somebody else you know, maybe you want to share it with them.
52:32
SPEAKER_07: And as always, we are accepting reviews and um loving kindness.
52:40
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, please like and subscribe.
52:41
SPEAKER_07: Please like and subscribe.
52:43
SPEAKER_07: It helps our family.
52:44
SPEAKER_07: It does.
52:46
SPEAKER_07: And we will see you all here next time on Being Different together I'm imitating a mosquito.
53:06
SPEAKER_02: Here it is.
53:09
SPEAKER_02: That's not the tone.
53:09
SPEAKER_02: That's not the tone actually.
53:10
SPEAKER_02: I thought it's like I thought it's like You know what's great is when like you were increasing the like your lips shook a little bit.
53:34
SPEAKER_07: Well, because you gotta get that little like vibration, when it gets close enough, it's like Okay, don't start this.
53:45
SPEAKER_07: No.
53:45
SPEAKER_02: No, they're gonna start it.
53:46
SPEAKER_02: We have to get his collar.