Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / you're not a burden, you're just hurting

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you're not a burden, you're just hurting · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  You are not a burden, you're not too much, You're not causing
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  problems by simply existing. You're just hurting.
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  You're just struggling. You're just being a human and
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  that's OK. You are allowed to want people
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  to care, you are allowed to lean on others, and you are allowed
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  to exist and hurt and deal with the mental health issues that
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  you're dealing with, free from worry of how you're burdening
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  other people. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  That feeling of being a burden, of being too much, of thinking.
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  Why would anyone want to deal with me right now?
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  Of shrinking yourself down because your pain is
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  inconvenient? If you've ever felt this way, I
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  need you to hear me. You're not a burden, you're just
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  hurting, and there's a huge difference between the two.
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  So if this is a feeling that you've grappled with, you are in
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  the perfect place. I want to remind you, I'm not a
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  doctor. I'm not a psychiatrist.
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  I'm not a professional in the mental health industry
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  whatsoever. I'm just a guy who, like you,
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  has felt some very big feelings and has talked to tons of people
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  who have felt big feelings as well.
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  And I want to chat about these things from a very real personal
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  standpoint. So thank you so much for being
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  here and let's feel some feelings.
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  So let's start with where this belief even comes from.
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  Let's be honest, we weren't born into this world thinking that
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  we're burdens. No, this kind of belief gets
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  planted slowly. Maybe when you were younger, you
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  were told to stop crying, or to go to your room when you were
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  upset. Maybe the people around you
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  didn't know how to hold space for your emotions, so you
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  learned how to hold them in. Or maybe as you got older,
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  people stopped checking in. You had to be the strong one,
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  the reliable one, the one who keeps it together.
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  And anytime you did breakdown, you felt guilty afterwards.
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  You felt like you were bothering someone.
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  So now, every time you feel something deeply, every time
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  you're going through a hard time, instead of reaching out,
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  you isolate. And look, I get it.
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  I've been there. There have been times where I
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  didn't text someone back because I felt like I was too messy, too
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  broken, too much. But let me tell you something
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  I've had to learn the hard way. You're not too much.
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  Your feelings are not a burden on other people.
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  You just need someone to care. You just want someone to hear
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  you, and you're not wrong for that.
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  Needing care doesn't make you weak.
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  Wanting someone to hear you, not wanting to be alone doesn't make
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  you weak or unmanageable. It makes you human.
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  You're not wrong for wanting someone to care, and we have to
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  get rid of that idea first and foremost.
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  This idea that wanting care, that wanting someone to be there
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  for us is, is harmful. The idea that wanting support is
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  harmful is not true. Now don't get me wrong, I'm
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  going to play a little bit of devil's advocate here.
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  We do need to be aware of the fact that on occasion our
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  emotions can hurt others. That's a very realistic part of
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  the mental health struggle. This doesn't give us permission
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  to lash out at people for no reason.
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  This doesn't give us permission to treat people badly and then
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  blame our mental health. That's something that I know
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  I've gotten caught up in before, and it's a very realistic part
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  of dealing with mental illness. Mental illness is very rude to
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  us and it tries to separate us from the people that we love, so
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  we do need to be aware of that part of it.
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  However, wanting people to care is not a bad thing and you
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  simply having feelings and wanting someone to be there for
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  you does not make you a burden. So now we understand where that
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  feeling comes from. But a question is what is the
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  downside of this? What is the downside of our
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  pain? What does it do to our self
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  worth? How does it affect our
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  relationship with others? One of the most cruel things
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  that pain does is it convinces us that we deserve to be alone
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  in it. When you're hurting, your brain
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  tells you things like no one wants to deal with this.
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  You know you're dragging people down, they're better off without
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  you. But here's the truth that your
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  pain doesn't want you to hear. You deserve connection even when
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  you're not OK. You are worthy of love even in
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  your lowest moments. You are not bringing others down
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  by wanting a helping hand. You're not pulling them down
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  with you. You simply want someone to care.
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  Think about your best friend or someone you deeply care about.
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  If they came to you and said, I feel broken, I feel like I'm too
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  much, I feel like a burden, what would you say?
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  You'd you'd probably tell them that they're not.
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  You'd tell them they're allowed to struggle.
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  You'd hold space for them. So why is it so hard to offer
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  yourself that same grace? You are not a burden.
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  Your pain doesn't make you a burden.
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  The same way you wouldn't tell your best friend, Oh no, you're
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  being too much right now. You'd be there for them, so be
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  there for yourself. Acknowledge that you are allowed
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  to hurt and you're allowed to ask for help, and you are not
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  this burden that your pain tries to convince you that you are.
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  You're not asking for too much, you're asking to be seen.
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  Anyone who's struggling deserves to be heard and deserves to be
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  seen. So I need you to know you're not
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  asking for too much when you want someone to just check in on
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  you. You're not asking for too much
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  when you just want someone to be there with you, even in silence.
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  You're not asking for too much when you're honest about how
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  hard life feels right now. You're not asking for too much.
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  You're asking to be seen and to be heard and to be recognized
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  within your mental health struggles, and that's one of the
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  most human things anyone can ask for.
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  And you're not wrong for asking for that.
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  And sure, maybe not everyone in your life is capable of holding
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  that space. Some people won't understand.
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  Some people might not be safe to open up to.
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  But that doesn't mean that no one will.
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  It doesn't mean that you're unlovable.
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  Sometimes we just have to find the right people, people who
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  won't try to fix us. People who will just sit next to
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  us in the dark and say, I'm not going anywhere.
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  You deserve that kind of support.
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  You deserve that kind of love. You deserve to open yourself up
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  to the possibility of receiving that kind of care, of
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  understanding that you're not a burden and you deserve to have
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  other people support you. So how do we start shifting this
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  belief that we're a burden? Well, it starts small.
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  Maybe it's reminding yourself even just once a day that
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  needing help doesn't make you weak.
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  It makes you brave. Maybe it's reaching out to one
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  person, not with a huge breakdown or in a big moment.
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  Just a simple hey, I'm not doing great today, can I talk to you?
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  Maybe it's even just being kinder to yourself in your own
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  mind. The next time that voice tells
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  you you're a burden, I want you to ask yourself, what if I'm
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  just hurting today? Because if you're hurting, you
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  don't need to hide. You don't need to apologize.
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  You need care, you need love, and you deserve both.
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  Mental illness is very cruel, and it's cruel in the way that
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  it isolates us, in the way that it tells you you're too much,
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  that you're bothering other people by hurting, that you're
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  bothering other people by just wanting somebody to be there and
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  to listen. But that's not the case.
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  You're not too much. You are allowed to feel deeply,
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  you're allowed to reach out, you are allowed to take up space in
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  someone else's life. You're not a burden, you're just
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  hurting. And you are not alone.
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  If you're in that place right now, where everything feels
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  heavy and too much, just know that I'm proud of you.
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  I'm proud of you for fighting every day, for trying, for
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  feeling your feelings. It's not an easy thing to do.
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  It's very difficult, and it requires a level of bravery and
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  strength that you might not even realize that you have.
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  You are more than enough. You're not a burden on other
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  people, and you deserve to be seen.
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  You deserve to be heard. So I want to tell you right now,
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  I hear you, I see you, I've been where you are, and I can tell
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  you that it does get better. And one of the ways that we can
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  help it get better is by reaching out is by allowing
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  other people to be there for us. And that can start by shifting
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  how we think about allowing other people to be there for us
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  and shifting how we think about ourselves and believing that you
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  are not a burden. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
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  name of Ethan Jewell. I almost guarantee it'll make
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  you cry. Also, please drop me a comment
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  and let me know what you thought about today's episode.
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  If you struggle with this feeling, if you struggle with
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  feeling alone within your own mental health struggles, I'd
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  love to know your thoughts and if this episode was at all
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  impactful. So thank you so much for being
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  here. Thank you for understanding that
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  you're not a burden, you're just hurting.
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  And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
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  I'll see you next time.