Latest / Stories From The Lost and Found: The Journey Back to Self / Building Unshakable Confidence with Morgan Barkus

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Building Unshakable Confidence with Morgan Barkus · Stories From The Lost and Found: The Journey Back to Self

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Stories from the Lost and Found.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Krishna Avalon, subconscious therapist, breakthrough coach, and acupuncturist, someone who spent 24 years helping people change from the inside out.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I bridge neuroscience and ancient medicine together to show you what's actually driving your life because it's almost never what's on the surface.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Each week we'll go deep into the patterns, wounded parts, and the real stories behind why we get stuck and how we find our way through.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready for honesty, depth, and tools that actually work, you're in the right place.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I am so glad you're here.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: To everyone, welcome, welcome to the podcast.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm so excited to hang out with my friend Morgan Barkas.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: She's a confidence coach for women.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: She's an author, a speaker, and an exotic dance instructor with a master's degree in marriage and family therapy.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: She helps women stop people pleasing, stop settling, and start showing up unapologetically confident in their bodies, their relationships, and their lives.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Her coaching feels like texting your most honest, best friend, the one who sees exactly what is holding you back, calls it out with love, and is available in real time when life actually happens.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Direct, warm, zero fluff, zero filters.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to say, just in my time with you, Morgan, that's exactly what you feel like.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for being here.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Pleasure.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yay! All right.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I am so um in adoration of how you show up, you know, online and how you're just really yourself, and how that just must be very magnetic for the people who want to work with you.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love your dancing videos, I love your background.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so I know you came from a corporate world into this work that you're doing now.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And do you want to tell us how that came to be?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I will say it's still a very windy road and not linear, not traditional, and I love it.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think that I've definitely struggled in some of the chapters because I am this creative, out loud person.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I did get into the corporate world, it was like, well, I felt very stifled.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I even hired a coach for a while because I was like, I'm losing my voice, I'm losing who I am.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: I have to dress different, I have to act different, I have to say different things.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And she really helped me compartmentalize in a healthy way because it was like you get to be your full self, and not everyone gets to know who you are all the time.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, because I was so used to being out loud all the time.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, it's um I I I ironically was more reserved, I guess, when I was a teenager.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, definitely raised to speak my own voice and stick up for what feels right for me and trust my gut.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know, I grew up in a small town and I didn't, I wasn't exposed to much.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't have the internet.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a kid of the 90s, and so you know, I had 17 magazine and my favorite movies, but I'm I grew up a fairly sheltered life.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't even have neighbors.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like I grew up in the country, so it was my brother and I.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't know much about anything.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was my own person always, and really, it took me a while to really develop into myself.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: It was when I moved away to the big city, as my mom called it at the time.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: I I lived in Minneapolis, Minnesota from what, 21 years old until I was 33.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I really started to just get exposed to things.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: I would go out on my own and go dancing.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't drink alcohol, I was never into drugs at all.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't, I didn't even drink socially until I was in my mid-30s.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: So never in high school, never in college, nothing.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I was just high on life and I wanted to learn.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was curious and went out dancing.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: I started dancing as a stripper when I was 26 because I wanted to go to school full time in graduate school and knew I thought, well, I gotta pay my bills and still go to school full time.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: What could I do?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, well, I'm not really drug dealer material, so I think I'll go, you know, get a job in the strip club.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: I can make a lot of money and work two days a week, you know.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I really started to be exposed to so many different things and develop who I was and what my boundaries were and who I wanted to present as, and also in these different roles, because I was like graduate school Morgan and I was stripper Morgan and I was a daughter Morgan, and you know, there were all these different roles that I learned how to be myself in and be confident.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um I would say too that confidence, a lot of what I'm realizing is some women think they see someone else, like a woman doing something, whether it's solo trips or building a business or meeting the man of her dreams, and they're like, Well, I want that.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: And they think, I wish I was that confident.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm here to say, one, it you're not born with it.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's something that's developed.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think certain people have certain like characteristics in their personality, and truly confidence is a skill that you develop, and it's also very different areas of your life.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because even though I was raised to speak my mind and trust my intuition, it took me years to be confident in my body.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: It took me years to be confident with my money, took years to, and a business coach to get confident in business.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then my last journey, my most recent journey, has been confidence and love and the amount of therapy I've done there and personal development and journaling and manifesting.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think confidence is really quite a journey.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been for me, and even with my career, like I said, I went from graduate school to a therapist, realized therapy wasn't what came naturally to me.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not great sitting back and writing notes and writing treatment plans for people.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very like immersive and active and interactive.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so it just thought I thought, I can't be a therapist.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do this.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so I actually moved away from it, went back to dancing in Miami from Minneapolis.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I then I was just dancing, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, went into fitness.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I was a fitness instructor for a major um fitness franchise for years, um, moved my way through corporate there.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Then I got into med device sales, and then I still that that ache in my soul, and it was like, I want to help women.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: I know I don't teach anymore.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not teaching.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: How else could I work with women and bring women together?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where for me my business came out of and coaching one-on-one in the way that feels good to me, where you said that best friend energy in my bio.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't I don't have sessions weekly with people.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: It is you get to text me and voicemail me anytime.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like the other last week, someone even videoed me and she was showing me her her pantry because I was teasing her about all the fake food she eats.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I was like, can we get away from these high protein muffins and just eat some eggs?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's happening?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: But she's like, I don't cook.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, so it's just I'm I love how I'm able to coach my clients now, and I still have a foot in the corporate world and and get to feed my soul and my purpose, I feel like, with the women that I get to work with.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then I created the confidence club, which is a weekly call, and I get women together, and it's like having brunch.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: We just start talking about, yeah, lately I've been thinking about this, and what do you all think?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm still worried that people, what will they're gonna think about me if I do this post online or whatever it is.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just fun to have these really candid conversations in in a midweek call with a bunch of women.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: I just it's been a delight to this path.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it I feels like it took me forever.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm 45 now, almost 46, and I'm like finally feel like I'm living my purpose.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think I would have had the knowledge or the experience.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: I needed to go through everything I went through to get where I am and to be able to help women the way that I do because I struggled for so many years to find my way.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, so many things I uh heard there from your story.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: For one, I feel like it was a really big gift for you to grow up in a small town without the internet with 17 magazine.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're about the same age, and I I miss the 80s every single day.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that it was perfect, it's just that we had that time to like daydream and just be bored and stare out the window or you know, up at the sky and the stars and just um have that spaciousness.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it just seems like as a person who's so naturally curious, and I know you've told me before, your parents are hippies.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you were really supported to like be who you are.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: But then when you found, oh, there's this whole great big world out there, what can I do?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, not everyone would feel so confident going into this stripping world, but you're like, how can I make the most money in the shortest amount of time?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Drug, drug dealing's not the option I want to go for.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna do that.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I just I know so many of us have degrees that we don't even use.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I like you got, you know, a therapy degree, and I'm like, I don't want to be a therapist.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's very different track than being able to be a coach and just have people text you like you're a bestie, which is really what most of us are after and crave.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so um, you know, I can really relate to how that would feel more in alignment to somebody who's just like warmer and more curious and you know, more available.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So what are the women that you're working with?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like what are they really what are they struggling with specifically in their confidence?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: What's lovely is just like my story, there are different areas of our lives where we don't always feel confident.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, say one gal I I chatted with, um she super confident, successful lawyer, can stand in front of a bunch of other lawyers in the boardroom and feel like a boss, and then she'll get naked in the mirror and go, You're fucking disgusting.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: How does your husband even love you?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, just so insecure in that area of her life.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, okay, we got some work to do.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, then other I have a client who's successful in business, you know, seven-figure earner who never really got clear on what she wanted out of relationships.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: So had multiple relationships that weren't fulfilling for her.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so to really, you know, on the outside, she looked so confident.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: And yet in this area of her life, she really struggled.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: And to get clear with her, what do you want?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: What do you actually want?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever asked for what you want?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever set up clear boundaries?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever, instead of the pick me, pick me energy, really decided and go, okay, I just met someone.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is what I want.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: This is the person.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a match.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not personal, and it's not, I'm not a failure.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's not, I have a bad picker.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's very quickly being discerning of people that come into our lives and go, this is a match, or it's not.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: And that's friendships or intimate relationships.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I have another client, she's in her 50s and said, I want to finally have a healthy relationship with my body.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, all right, let's go.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Let's not go another 10 years, 20 years with this not healthy relationship with your body.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: So really, it's it's any woman that has there's something in her life where she's watching someone else.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: I had another one, she's like, Morgan, you just seem so genuinely happy.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't even know why I follow you.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how I found you.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I keep following you because it's just like, how is this girl this happy?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I shared with her, I'm not always happy.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I have insecure moments where I got to hit the bathroom, stand in my Wonder Woman post, and say my positive affirmations and work through an insecurity that came up.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, I'm happy for the most part because I'm confident in these different ways because I worked on these different things and I built the skill set.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so she wants to feel genuinely happy.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: So we're working together on what does that look like?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what is it that lights up your soul?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: What do you like when have you felt confident in your life?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Can we recreate that in this chapter of your life?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: In whatever way that's going to look like.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been so fun.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: One of my clients, she didn't even know, she's like, Morgan, you know, she didn't come to me saying that she wanted to get on the stage and sing karaoke.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And after months of working together, she's like, Morgan, I will many times I've signed up for karaoke.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't followed through.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I did it last night, and it was so fun.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I danced around and I felt so happy.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, she goes, This is because of our work together.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Great.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we never focused on that, we never talked about it necessarily, but that was her feeling more and more confident in herself and not worrying what other people think or holding herself back.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's really a wide range of whatever is holding a woman back.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, she looks out and sees someone else doing something and says, I want to do that.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's she brings that to me, and I'm like, let's do it.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like somehow that's what most of my clients tell me.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: They they're like, there's something about you that gets me wanting to go do a thing.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just, and and I think it's how I I am kind of tough love.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: I make sure that's okay when I start working with people.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, are you okay with me challenging you?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's your level of tolerance with that?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because I am gonna be really supportive and I'm gonna point things out that are hard to hear, maybe sometimes.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, they have all been very receptive to that.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, that is hard to hear, and thank you for saying that.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Or even when I said, Hey, I don't like if someone comes with a super severe, you know, eating disorder, I am really clear that that is not my specialty.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Though maybe we need to work on your confidence and address this other issue that is out of my scope of practice.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, so just really candid conversations about what what women want and how we can get there and me to help them get there.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: And and I'm a very solution-focused person, Krishna.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, tell me what you want.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I need a little background, and where do you want to go?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because I can help you set up that plan and let's make it happen.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: And don't you find that you can ask people what you don't want and they will tell you 1,000 things.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: But then sometimes even when people are coming to you for coaching and you're like, what do you want?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: It might take them a minute.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's like if you want, it's really hard to make actions and choices that support that.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you're using that, you're using your, you know, infectious, contagious energy in the very best way.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: You've got your therapy background.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: But then, like, besides being super available for conversations and texts, like, do you have other processes that you bring in that's like a formula or a structure or a program?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how do you typically set it up with people?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is it three months?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, actually, I do a three-month program.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's my signature program.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it's one phone call a month and then unlimited texts and and voice notes.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I have found that women feel because even I was chatting with my mom about this, and she's like, you know, probably a lot of women, they really open up very quickly because it's somewhat anonymous.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like you don't have to look at someone on a Zoom screen or in a therapy session, like physically in person, so they can just start chatting.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of them are walking or they're driving when they message me because they're just it's almost like moving meditation or a moving therapy session where they don't have to sit still and we don't have to stare at each other and they have to share their most intimate things.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they I find that in voice notes they really open up and I love that.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: So we get very deep very quickly.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: And because I also share my experiences, I've had clients say, God, I feel really safe with you because you I told you this thing that I haven't even told my therapist because I thought she would judge me or she wouldn't understand, or um, and she would think I was a bad person.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're like, Oh yeah, I did that too when I was this age, or yeah, I did that, you know, and I experienced that and and really shared my story.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, my first thing is creating safety in in in in validating, but also saying, I've I've experienced something similar, or here's how you know that that was kind of played out in my life, and and that is so different than being a therapist because you don't do that.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, I love the the for me the freedom to, like I said, that best friend energy where we can actually share stories, and I don't come to them with things I'm struggling with currently, or I don't unload unnecessary stories, and if it can support them or make them feel like they're more normal, or I can kind of neutralize these really heavy feelings I've been carrying around, shame, guilt, and then they go, Oh, well, somebody said one time they're like, This was the we were talking about like worst case scenarios, and she's like, Well, the worst case scenario did happen to me, and this is what happened.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: And and I said to her, I was like, Wow, that is really difficult.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, when you first said I thought somebody died, and and so I was prepared to like be with you in the in these really heavy feelings, and yes, that was a bad thing that happened, but actually, here's when that happened to me when I was, you know, 30 something years old and living in Miami, and and she was like, Oh, all these people have been telling me like how bad this is, and then you telling me it's like, oh, well, it wasn't that bad, you know.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think it's just being really real with people is one thing.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing I've noticed is people ask me, like, what's the common thread?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, mindset.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you can't, and I that's where I started my work at 19, 20 years old was wow, I've I've been having a negative script about myself for a long time.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: And they just played over and over.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: And the neurons that fire, or what is it, the neurons that fire together, wire together?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's the saying, right?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: In neuropsychology or neuroscience.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I was wiring a lot of really negative things, and I thought I would never say this to my best friend.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: If I had a daughter, I would never say this to her.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I saying these things to myself?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so I read Louise Hayes, Louis Hayes' um book, uh, You Can Heal Your Life.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I just really started the work of rescripting my self-talk, thank goodness, when I was 19, 20 years old, and continue to do that even still.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's a lot easier now than it was back then.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was like starting from ground zero back then.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, that's where I find a lot of women that are sick.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like one evening I got a text from one of my clients.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, Murgie, can we work on something?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: I need some coaching around this.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: And she had a very specific story she was telling herself around dating.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, How do I change this?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Will you change it?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's literally taking that, like you you just told me this thought.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Do we know that?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: And that's um Byron Cady's work, the work, but other people have done it too and talked about it in different ways.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Her version is my favorite version.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: The work is basically take that thought that's not super nice.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Is it absolutely true?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: How does it make you feel to have this thought?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, not great, and to really journal about that or speak out loud to me about that.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: What is the opposite thought?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: And what if that's true?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: And could you say that to yourself instead?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: And to not only recreate or re-script these because a lot of women, even I had one woman I worked with, she had like scripts from her childhood about how she was a heavy kid and she was always on a diet, and her parents basically, you know, not trying to, but made her feel like there was something wrong with her.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: And she was still playing those scripts in her head.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, You are a grown-ass woman now.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: You get to read you can take this story and crumple it up, you can burn it, you can rip it up.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: This was the script you were handed that doesn't make it true.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: True, you know, but do you find that like mindset and trying to tell people that, like, yes, it's nice to hear, but like, you know, my work is in the subconscious, so it's like, how quickly are women always able to just change a deeply ingrained program that they have around how they'll make it in their body, or you know, have um, you know, like their voice matters, or it's like they're more than enough, even if they're killing it in their work.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, have the self-critic in their mind.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's like mindset is amazing and it changes so many of our lives.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: But some of those programs are really hard to change unless you're really like listening to self-hypnosis, like for half your day, or and even then it can still be really hard.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, you know, do you just find that you're you know, that people are able to make the changes with just like a lot of check-in or a lot of you know, practices you might give them daily?
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because I love how you brought up Byron Katie and her work is amazing too in that practice you just named.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like our bodies really hold our stories.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so, kind of a twist on that practice you gave is this like when you're noticing what you're believing, like where you feel it in your body, and then of course, is that true?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like, what do you need instead?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or, like, what do you need?
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: Not even instead, but it's like that practice of being able to go in a new direction in your mind, have a new experience, and that's that is the neuroplasticity, similar to what to what Byron Cady says, but yeah, yes, well, see, and this is why I love there's so many different ways of healing because in some instances, like I have a wonderful friend that I went to graduate school with who is an amazing marriage and family therapist, licensed, and she does a ton of trauma work.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so if someone were really like, let's say I did a call with someone to find out if we're a good fit, and I find out there is some serious trauma work that needs to be done, I'm probably gonna make a different referral.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I might not be your gal at that time.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: Or someone like, you know, for you, like the work you do, I can't do the work you do.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't even know where to start.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it would be like, maybe I send them off.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there's different practitioners I feel like that are for different phases of our lives, and and I just I know what I can do, and usually the clients are attracted to me that are looking for those things, but more deep seated things.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And the pro, like you said, the programs.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's a time and a place for different people in people's lives as they make their healing journey.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: So, like trauma stuff, I'm like, I am not a trauma therapist, I'm not a trauma expert.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: Same with like eating disorders.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I went through an eating disorder.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: I am not clinically trained to get you through this.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think there's a time and a place for different people in our lives on a healing journey.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's beautifully said, and just like so honest, and being like, yeah, this is like more than we're gonna be handling in our sessions together.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here for like the pep talks afterwards and the integration of that work afterwards is the accountability, yeah.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Accountability, the check-ins, and the best friend energy, you know, like a lot of us might be blessed to have people in our lives, but like how many of us really on a regular basis can be asked, like, oh, how are you doing?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then have somebody who's really just sitting there holding space tell honestly what's going on.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's better to pay for that, honestly, because sometimes you can just tell the people in your life, they might ask you how they're doing, and then as soon as you might start sharing something, they kind of are like, Whoa, you can just see that they're maxed out, they're maybe checking.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: But they don't know what to say.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you start crying, a lot of people don't know how to handle tears, and they they kind of freak out when people cry and they're like, You're fine, you're fine, you're great, you're gonna be okay, it's all right.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Cry, bring it on.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Then I know when you're being really authentic and honest, and the real feelings like because no one likes to cry in front of somebody, so they I feel like that's when you're like the most authentic, exactly.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then sometimes we can get upset if those people that we love are expect to be there for us the way we are always hoping they will be.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it can be disappointing, and so I always tell people, pay for support, and then you don't have to put that on your relationship so much, you know.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: And some people don't want to share.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: I had I work with one woman, then her husband, I'm not even sure if it is aware that she's working with me because this is for her, there's a lot of shame, and she really wants to like reset with herself and really work through some things between the two of us that she said, I have never told my friends this.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: My I my husband doesn't even know the depth of this struggle for me.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Great.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be that safe space for you that you can share these really intimate things or these things you've been carrying around that you think, and I and I like I said, then I can say, actually, this is how I dealt with it, or this is what I was feeling when I went through it.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: And how does that resonate with you?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me more, you know, and and it's just I love being that safe space because there are like I had somebody reach out to me that recently that out of all the people in the world, I get a text, and to be honest, I can't remember how I met this woman, but I have her programmed in my phone.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: So when I got the text, I was like, wait, who is this?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, she had said, Hey, I'm getting a divorce.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: I've never orgasmed before.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: Can we talk?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh sad.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, wait a second, like never orgasm with a partner or never orgasmed ever?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, ever.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, girl, let's go.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: But to me, I was so honored that of all the people in this woman's life, she came to me about this, knowing that I would be super open to talk about it, love to talk about it, uh safe space, not judgmental, like a little bit fun, you know.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: I can joke around about stuff, and it was just such an honor.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been fun to chat with her.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I just um like you said, there's a there's a time and a place for different people in our lives, um, different kinds of healing.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, and that patient in particular client in particular.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, is she using Yoni eggs?
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is she connected to her body?
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like thematic stuff does she need to release so that she can like believe that she deserves connection and like pleasure, you know?
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that makes me, you know, feel all the feelings.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um well, I know that you are you said in our like grounding meditation before we hit record that you're not woo, and I'm like definitely woo plus neuroscience um and nature.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I for you, I'm just hearing that you've been doing some manifesting for your dreamy relationship, and I know that that's come through for you lately.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, what are the steps?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, you could even start from childhood, which you don't need to, but it's like, what are the things that are like really helped you get to the place where you called that in?
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I had such a dreamy story, it happened in Paris.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, that was a lot of questions, but you and I love it.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us about it.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: I will I will admit that most of my 20s and half of my 30s, I'd give or take some.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: I was very casual about relationships, and it was fine for me for many years because I wasn't looking for a committed relationship.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: I was really, like you said before, I'm very curious.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that also meant sexually.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, I was like, let's go.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm from a small town in Wisconsin.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't date people all they uh, some people thought I was a lesbian, but I'm like, dude, I've been going to school with you guys since kindergarten.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't get any cuter, nobody knew ever came to town.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, this, I'm so ready to get out of here.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I moved to Minneapolis, which again, the big city at the time for me compared to where I'm from in Wisconsin, I was like, whoa, like guys are hitting on me.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just I was one friend, he was like, Morgan, I love that you don't have a type.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, no, because I'm just curious.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I I just want, I mean, and I'm not even kidding, when I say from police officers to drug dealers, I I dated everybody, I didn't care.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's go.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I just soaked up every moment.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, everyone that came into my life, it was like a learning experience for me.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I said only fell in love one time, and and it was a it was a relationship that taught me a lot and was really pivotal for me, and then deciding, no, actually, I do want a partnership.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, I do want love.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we parted ways back in March of 2024, um, I thought, hmm, what am I looking for?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to go through this phase where there was this weird transition where I had used my looks and my body to attract men and keep them interested for so many years, whether it was personally, but also when I was a stripper.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's what they're there for.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: They're not there because I have a master's degree and an interesting childhood or with you know life, you know, they don't care about that.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was literally playing this character that was all about something totally different than who I was.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then even in my personal life, I noticed I was doing that.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was very performative, I was very service-oriented, it was all about the other person.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was in service of partners, just like I was in my job.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was also doing that in my personal life.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: So then after that breakup, I was like, okay, I went to this period where I was attracting still these kind of guys that were like looking for something from me.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: And there was one guy in particular that was very blatant about what he wanted from me.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I just thought, no.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I told, I remember telling a girlfriend, I was like, no more.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: There, I am not in service of men anymore.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: Guys don't get to come to me and tell me what they want me to do for them.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I'm done with that.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: And she ended up breaking up with someone because my conversation for myself with her, she was like, I'm realizing I'm in service of this partner that I have been on and off with for years.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so she ended that relationship.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: So both of us kind of like had a little awakening there.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, then I just in 2026, the beginning of 2026, my New Year's resolution was to call in the one.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I actually read the book.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I started to think about what am I willing to give up?
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: And the first thing I thought was, I'm gonna give up casual sex because that was a huge thing for me.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: It was very fun.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't care if I was on a business trip, a vacation.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: I always was out and about having the best time of my life with very casual partners.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, okay, if I actually am telling the universe what I want, I gotta stop this because I don't want casual anymore.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: So then it was like, wow, okay, well, this is different.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: Now not many people are hitting on me anymore.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: No one, you know, because I think my energy was different, and what I was open to was very different.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and there's been a lot of things going on in the world and and and socially, politically, and things like that.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: So then I started to feel really angry and almost a little bit closed off about men, and and and and it was like then I was just like not dating at all and not even open.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I think my energy was extremely closed off, and I was very guarded.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: And when I was in Paris um back in uh June 2026, um, I met with a girlfriend of mine who is a calling in the one coach from Australia.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: She now lives in the UK, and we met up, and of course, we talked about boys and relationships and yada yada.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then after brunch, we started walking around, and and she basically stopped me and said, Morgan, if you do not let go of this belief that men are trash, you're gonna have a really hard time finding a partner.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh, yeah, I know, but there are a lot of trash men, and this and that, and the other thing, and this, and she's like, Yes, I know.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you're looking for one person, and there are many good men in the world, you're looking for one of them.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: So are you willing to let go of this belief?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Yes, I am willing to let go of this belief.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I that was like the decision.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then funny, when we went to the train station to part ways, I was going back to Paris, her back to where she lives, and she hugged me and she said, Morgan, we're gonna find our partners and we're gonna be married within the year.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I was like, wow, now that is an ambitious that is, you know, because it's already June of 2026.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, let's go.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um so I had a laugh and we hugged and and I parted ways.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: And and I I think also just gratitude.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm back on the train to Paris and I'm watching the French countryside, and I just thought because I think the the part of like the beliefs of what I was willing to let go or the activities I was willing to let go to move into a different chapter was the first part.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: The second part, as a woman, to be extremely grateful and confident in your own life.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was like, okay, yes, I have made the decision that I'm open to this finding a partner, but I also am sitting on this train watching the French countryside, and I'm like tearing up because I thought my life is wonderful on my own.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yes, I'm open to a relationship, and I am sitting on a train in Paris watching, or excuse me, in France, watching the countryside go by.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: I did this.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: This is my life.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's really awesome.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: I dreamt as a girl, young girl in a little small town Wisconsin that I would travel and I didn't know that it was possible or how I would ever do it, but I always wanted this kind of lifestyle, and I did it.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like I built this, and I saw the gratitude and the happiness in my own life on my own.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: I think is the second piece.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then the third piece was like really getting clear on what I wanted because I already had a vague idea, and like I'd say things, and then I was like, all right, it's time to get serious.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so I talked to Claude.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a Claude user, and I was like, Claude, I'm gonna I need your help writing a manifestation.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: I want him to have dark wavy hair, full beard.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_01: I want him to be a strong man, a handy man.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I want him to um let me decorate the house, and he just puts up the shelving where I say I want it.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, when I walk into a room, I want his face to light up.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, and I was like, he's emotionally intelligent.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: When I tell him how I feel about something, he says, tell me more.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: He pulls me in, he never pushes me away.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like I got super, super clear.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, okay, Claude, this is great.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was like bouncing down the streets of Paris.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, I got my my manifestation and I'm ready to go.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm ready to, I'm, I'm open.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: So it was like making the decision, being super solid and grateful in your own life on your own.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then three, getting super, super clear on what I was looking for.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and then I would say also recruiting your best girlfriends because why not?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: If we're gonna put something out in a universe, get more people in, you know, like folks that are religious, they oftentimes do prayer stuff and like get more people like, hey, pray for me or pray for us, or they do prayer circles or whatever that's called.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, um, if you recruit people into this dream that you have or this manifestation that you're trying to manifest, I thought, why not?
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I messaged some of my girlfriends, hey, uh, I'm I'm looking for my my my my partner.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to put it out of the universe for me, can you just do that?
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so some of my girlfriends are like, of course.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so it was like recruiting some really solid friends to to help me manifest this thing.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not even kidding, when I say hours later, I'm in Paris.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: I had a reservation for an Italian restaurant at 7 p.m.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I'm like a grandma when it comes to eating.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the first person at the restaurant, and places in Paris don't open until 7 or 8 p.m.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, well, let me make my 7 p.m.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: uh reservation.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I had like an hour or two to spare.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I walked to the neighborhood where this restaurant was, and I sat at this corner.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: There was a pub on the corner, real nice vibes.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: I had my murder mystery fiction novel with me.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um I was drinking a beer, and I'm just watching people, reading, watching people, and I'm sitting there and I'm like, this is so great.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: I just love it here.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: I could live here, and I'm watching people, and then all of a sudden I see this guy walking down the sidewalk.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at him and I thought, well, that's my husband right there.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: But that's literally like the way he looked.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: He was in his work clothes, he was in construction.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, here is a man in construction, he's very handsome.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: He looks exactly how I pictured my brain.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, and I just stared at him, and then he walked, and there was a window between us, but literally, like not even arm's length away from me.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: And when he was just about, he saw me too.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: So we were looking at each other, and then right when he was like next to me, his face broke out into the biggest, warmest smile.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I didn't even know what to do.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: I just nodded my head, and then I watched him, and he kept walking down the sidewalk, and I was like, Oh, there goes my husband.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I can't go chase him.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_01: Should I go chase him?
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I didn't know what to do, and I was like, Oh my god, we'll turn around, turn around, turn around.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: He did not turn around, he just got smaller and smaller and smaller.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Like, I really wanted him to come back and be like, hey, can I have a beer with you or whatever?
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_01: But he did not.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh my God, I just lost my husband.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_01: Then I was like, no, universe, thank you for this.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: This is a reminder.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: I've been in Paris for six days.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Not one person has flirted with me, not one person has been interesting to me.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then I see this guy and I'm like, thank you for renewing my faith.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: There is a man for me in this world.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, okay, it's gonna be okay.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it wasn't that guy, but he's out there.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: My man is out there.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like 30 minutes later, I paid my bill and I made my way to this Italian restaurant, and I'm walking down the sidewalk and I started tearing up again because I was like, this trip has been the best.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I love this so much.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy right now.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: My life is really fucking awesome.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just about to make a right-hand turn um down a different block, and I look and across the intersection comes this guy again.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh my god, well, I can't miss it this time.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I pointed at him and I'm like, it's you.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_01: And he he told me later, he's like, I was like, oh fuck, she doesn't speak French.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, shit, he doesn't speak any English, you know.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: So we I get out the Google Translate right away and I was like, I saw you and I wanted to talk to you.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, I saw you and I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what I was gonna say, and I'm in my work clothes.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: And and um, he basically said, Well, what are you doing?
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, I'm going to this restaurant right here.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_01: I have a reservation.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Do you want to come with me?
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, sure.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Really?
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then he's like, Well, not right now, I gotta go change.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason we ran into each other again is because he was there for work for a month, and the last day was that day, and for whatever reason, the company he was working for put him in a different hotel that last night.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: So he went to the wrong hotel first.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_01: He was backtracking.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was going to the restaurant, and that's why we ran into each other again.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I know, and so he said, I don't know if this is fate or cupid or whatever this is, but he's like, I'm so glad we ran into each other again.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so he came to dinner and we Google translated, and he knew some English because he had studied years ago in school.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I brought it back out a little bit, and we were able to communicate enough that um basically I said, because he had asked me, he's like, So what are your intentions?
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, like with my life, or like what do you mean my intentions?
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Yeah, your life.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, like long term or short term, and he's like, both.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, in short term, I uh my intention is that you'll come home with me.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Okay.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so we he came home with me to the apartment, and and and and it was so, and it was like, we're in the metro, and I'm always curious, George.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm born in the year of the monkey, so he's standing there and I'm like, What are you thinking?
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_01: I asked him that a lot.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_01: He knows now, but he's like, Well, I'm thinking that uh wondering if you'll kiss me.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Okay.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so then we started making it out in the metro, and and it was just everything just was so easy, and yet we only spent five hours together because like Cinderella, he ran off at like one in the morning because he had to go to work the next day.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh my god, am I ever gonna see this person again?
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_01: But sure enough, a week later he booked a plane ticket, and then he came and spent like almost two weeks with me here in the Chicagoland area, and it was easy and fun and funny and passionate, and it was just everything.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_01: And and and again, going back to some of my insecurities that came up before he got here, like two days before, I found myself really anxious and feeling really insecure.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it brought me back to an old wound from a previous relationship where basically my longtime partner said, You're a lot.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to live with you.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: I can't be around you every day.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, and even though I know that wasn't a healthy relationship and that wasn't the right person for me, it still really hurt me.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it came up as I thought about this person flying all the way to America to spend almost two weeks with me.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what if he doesn't like me?
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what if he doesn't like who I am every day?
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so I started to feel really anxious, and that's where I did my work and um just really worked through some some self-talk and my Wonder Woman pose in the mirror and crying it out and getting myself back together.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then he got here and he loves how I am, you know.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just, and so now I'm gonna go visit France in a couple weeks.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it's um it really, like I said, for me, it was like finally deciding to let go of limiting beliefs.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: It was realizing that my life was whole all on my own, and I was ready to have a partner, and really kind of recruiting my best girlfriends and then getting super clear on what I wanted.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: So when I saw that person, it was like, that is my person.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I that that that's the story right there.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's the story, babe.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you told it really well because you activated it in every single way, you know, really starting with what can I let go of first, making that space, and then being so grateful for your life and the where you're at in yourself, and then yes, speaking it out loud, naming it to Claude, and you know that we're both practicing and like those micro specifics for our messaging, um for dating.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then like you literally called it in, and I was just thinking like how magical that you you started at the pub, it wasn't even your restaurant, that's why you were there, it had all the vibes.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: He was there on that last night in a different neighborhood last night.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: My last night, his last night in Paris.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: Of all of those pieces that were so important.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, thank you for sharing that story.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know that it's going to be so expansive and activating for other people.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: And and beautifully said, how you noticed what came up for you and and how that was from your previous relationship because so many of us were taught we're either too much or not enough, and like being in a place where you, your own self, can hold yourself and be like, I got you, girl.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: That did hurt, but like, I got you.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're not alone.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: Be who you are.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_01: I also want to remind women that there are no rules because you know, you can follow dating gurus, and and I do help women in dating, but not from the perspective that because people are the one the one woman I work with, her some of her best friends are like, so she's like a dating coach.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_01: No, like I don't help you with your dating profile.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not here to to figure out if the guy's right for you.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's more what do you want?
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what do you need?
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_01: And this story for me is, I mean, not that I ever followed rules, so that that I've never been like that anyway.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of folks out there saying, you know, don't do this till this time, or don't get attached until this, and don't, you know, watch out for that, and blah, blah, blah.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I truly believe that if you are so solid in yourself and so confident in yourself in all these different areas of your life, there are no rules.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because no dating book in the universe is gonna say, go sleep with the guy you met literally two hours ago, and then live with him for two weeks, and that's your second date.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but that worked for me because I trusted myself and my discernment and who I am, and and like you said, in and if things did come up, working through that on my own and being able to emotionally regulate myself and and and come back into myself and and be solid and that what is meant for me will stay, you know, because I have a lot of uh anxious attachment abandonment stuff.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, it's just I don't think there are any strict rules, you know.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: I just it's really about trusting yourself and feeling super confident and knowing what you want and settling for nothing less, and really um being able to regulate yourself when emotions do come up because there are no rules, there are no rules around how you date.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't think there are.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: I know, babe, and I just think that that is like the power of how you can support women is that we don't know what's gonna happen.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: There aren't any rules, and and a lot of us need those pet talks, and we need that best friend, and we need somebody to name out loud, you know, with us what we are trying to create in our lives and remind us of what we want.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, thank you so much for sharing all that.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, um, people will know how to find you, but like tell me how you love to be connected with and anything else you want to share.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_01: I am very grateful that my name is unique enough that when I went to buy my domain name, it was MorganBacks.com and it was available.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so I purchased that way back in 2013 because I always knew I wanted to do something with it, wanted to get into coaching, use my therapy degree to whatever, um, in whatever way that that looked for me.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so way back then, even I dreamed about having this coaching business, and I've kept that website, so it's the easiest way to find me.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you could literally Google Morgan Barcas, and there I am my Instagram, my my website.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: I would say go to my website first and join the confidence club.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_01: I have um every Wednesday, 11 a.m.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_01: Central Standard Time, I get women together and we it's like brunch.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_01: Some women are in Denmark and they're already drinking white wine.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_01: Some of us are still just waking up, and it's just it's been delightful to get women together.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I had one woman join for the first time last week, and she's like, this was like a midday, midweek pick me up.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I needed this, I've been feeling down, and I'm coming every week.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Yes, perfect, and bring somebody next time, you know.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I would go start with morganbarkas.com.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then the calls.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: I might have to jump in on one of those and see.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, we would love to have you.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: Cool.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: All right, my love.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's been so great to share this space and time with you.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being everything that you are.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: Have a beautiful day.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's a wrap on today's episode of Stories from the Lost and Found.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: If something here resonated with you, the best thing you can do is share it.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_00: Send this to someone who really needs to hear it.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are ready to go deeper, I would love to support you.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: Download my free workbook.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: It walks you through your own subconscious blocks.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can find that link in the show notes.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're ready for a real shift, book a free strategy call and let's figure out what is keeping you from moving forward.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next week.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your next breakthrough is closer than you think.