Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 307. Flashback Friday - The Words That Made Ashy Believe She Was Dumb

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307. Flashback Friday - The Words That Made Ashy Believe She Was Dumb · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: I'm Ashi.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
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  Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
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  Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself.
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  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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  Speaker 1: We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics
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  Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self.
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  Speaker 1: So my limiting belief and my story that I tell
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  Speaker 1: myself is that I'm too dumb to do something. And
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  Speaker 1: this stemmed from 15 years of having a stepfather telling
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  Speaker 1: me I was dumb all the time. So it became
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  Speaker 1: my truth. Those first seven years of our childhood, of
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  Speaker 1: our life, become our imprint years. And then even after that,
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  Speaker 1: it becomes our belief about ourselves, about the world. And
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  Speaker 1: we really take in and absorb and see and feel
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  Speaker 1: everything that the adults around us are doing, are saying,
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  Speaker 1: are showing up in that way. It's really crucial how
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  Speaker 1: our parents behave and what they say to us because
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  Speaker 1: we really take it on like that is an absolute truth.
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  Speaker 1: And after hearing that day after day after day after
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  Speaker 1: everything that I would do, it just became my truth.
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  Speaker 1: So throughout my teens and until I met Steve, and
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  Speaker 1: even then it was a fucking battle to try something new,
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  Speaker 1: I truly believed that there's no point to me even
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  Speaker 1: trying to do something because I was so dumb. I'd
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  Speaker 1: failed high school. I'd failed my driver's license test. I'd
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  Speaker 1: failed courses that I tried at TAFE. I felt like
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  Speaker 1: everything that I had tried, I failed at. So it
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  Speaker 1: just gave me more and more evidence. I'm like, this
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  Speaker 1: is true. Tell me where it's not true.
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  Speaker 2: Just stacked.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. It just stacked. And then when I met Steve
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  Speaker 1: and I had to do my personal training course, oh,
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  Speaker 1: the fights we would have about that. And even then,
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  Speaker 1: I still failed that three times until I passed. My
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  Speaker 1: mom always says to me, you're not dumb. It just
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  Speaker 1: might not be taught in a way that you understand.
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  Speaker 1: You're a very hands-on person. You're a very visual person. Also,
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  Speaker 1: if you're not super interested in it, that makes it
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  Speaker 1: harder to take information on as well.
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  Speaker 2: Good luck focusing on anything.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And also, if you believe that you're dumb, you're almost
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  Speaker 1: creating that because you're not really giving it your all
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  Speaker 1: because you think you're going to fail anyway.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So upon reflection, I can see that story is not
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  Speaker 1: entirely true. But yeah, it still pops up for me
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  Speaker 1: and I've really had to work on letting it be there,
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  Speaker 1: seeing it for what it is and still doing the
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  Speaker 1: thing anyway.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And even if I go for it and it doesn't
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  Speaker 1: work out, not to attach myself to that story of, oh,
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  Speaker 1: that didn't work out because I'm dumb. It's like, okay,
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  Speaker 1: that didn't work out because something better is around the
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  Speaker 1: corner for me or because I didn't study hard enough
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  Speaker 1: or because I need to understand it more. I need
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  Speaker 1: to put more time and effort into it and not
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  Speaker 1: just give up in that moment. But yeah, it feels
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  Speaker 1: so real. And yours might be that, you know, I'm
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  Speaker 1: never going to meet anyone because I'm not pretty enough.
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  Speaker 1: I'm never going to meet anyone because I'm too overweight.
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  Speaker 1: No one's going to love me because my parents didn't
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  Speaker 1: love me. Everyone's going to leave because everyone always has left.
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  Speaker 1: As I'm saying these, I hope that yours is coming
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  Speaker 1: to the surface and it can feel really uncomfortable, but
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  Speaker 1: know this is a safe place. Like we said before,
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  Speaker 1: having awareness is like, oh, when it comes up, it's like, okay,
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  Speaker 1: I know that's there, but it doesn't have to be
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  Speaker 1: my truth.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. This is such an opportunity for you to
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  Speaker 2: have a clean slate in 2026.
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  Speaker 3: You get to decide.
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  Speaker 2: What you want this year to look like based on
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  Speaker 2: how much of yourself you're willing to confront. And honestly,
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  Speaker 2: it is really uncomfortable. You're going to feel uncomfortable while
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  Speaker 2: you're doing it. It's not an easy journey. And I
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  Speaker 2: will say, like, this is a forever journey.
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  Speaker 1: Forever.
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  Speaker 2: Forever, right? You're going to constantly be working on these stories.
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  Speaker 2: But for as long as you are able to face
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  Speaker 2: them in the beginning, it will feel a lot easier
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  Speaker 2: down the line. Again, I'm not saying that it's going
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  Speaker 2: to be perfect and feel easy and you're going to
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  Speaker 2: be like, oh, my God, I can't wait to feel
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  Speaker 2: this because you're probably not going to. But you become
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  Speaker 2: more capable at holding them. Yes. And faster repairing. And
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  Speaker 2: faster repairing. This is exactly what happened the other week
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  Speaker 2: when this story came up for you. I love that
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  Speaker 2: you're laughing.
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  Speaker 1: You're like, Tiana.
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  Speaker 2: Thanks, babe.
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  Speaker 1: Call me out in front of tens of thousands of people.
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  Speaker 2: I say this with love. No, this is the year
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  Speaker 2: of hard conversations.
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  Speaker 3: Yes.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. And it like came up for you in that moment.
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  Speaker 2: Do you want to share a little bit about like
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  Speaker 2: what that experience was like?
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  Speaker 1: Or do you want to share?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll tell it differently to what I remember it.
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  Speaker 2: No, no. So we had a moment. We had a moment.
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  Speaker 2: We had a moment.
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  Speaker 1: Special moment. That sounds sexual.
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  Speaker 2: It did.
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  Speaker 1: Not what I meant.
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  Speaker 3: No.
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  Speaker 2: Bloodonic wife.
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 2: Work wife. Anyway, so we were at the office and
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  Speaker 2: we were working on a project and we were doing
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  Speaker 2: something and we had a Google Doc out ready and
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  Speaker 2: there was all this information on it and it was
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  Speaker 2: something to do with actually our new membership called Rise Inside.
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  Speaker 2: If you're not in there, go have a look. You'll
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  Speaker 2: love it. And, you know, Ashley was going through this
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  Speaker 2: document and I could see that she was getting a
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  Speaker 2: little bit overwhelmed and she started to say, like, babe,
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  Speaker 2: I'm feeling really overwhelmed. It's not really making sense to me. Like,
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  Speaker 2: it's starting to feel really, really overwhelming. And I just,
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  Speaker 2: can we simplify it? Can we change it? And that
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  Speaker 2: was what was coming up for her. what I was
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  Speaker 2: receiving was actually my story and my limiting belief. And
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  Speaker 2: when Ashley was saying, this feels really overwhelming, I heard
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  Speaker 2: my work is overwhelming.
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  Speaker 1: Also to give context. So when we plan episodes and
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  Speaker 1: when we plan content in Rise Inside or the podcast,
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  Speaker 1: sometimes I take lead on a certain topic. I feel
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  Speaker 1: more confident and that's a strength of mine. And maybe
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  Speaker 1: Tiana doesn't feel as strong in that and vice versa.
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  Speaker 1: So this particular topic It's not something that I have
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  Speaker 1: ever taught. So Tiana was taking lead and she wrote
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  Speaker 1: this incredible 18 page document with all this information. And
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  Speaker 1: then my job was to read through it and condense
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  Speaker 1: it down and understand it. And then we talk about
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  Speaker 1: it together and then we build the content out like that. Yes.
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  Speaker 1: But as I was reading it, I was like, oh
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  Speaker 1: my gosh, like my story was, I'm so fucking dumb.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know what she's talking about. But yeah, you
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  Speaker 1: heard that your content wasn't digestible enough.
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: Overwhelming. Whereas in my head, which I have learned, I
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  Speaker 1: need to communicate better with that. Your content's amazing and
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  Speaker 1: you're so smart and it's so much value. I just
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  Speaker 1: need it explained in a more simplified way. But you
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  Speaker 1: can see how both our stories there were just so
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  Speaker 1: present and so real and actually so valid.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Cause in that moment, like the story that I
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  Speaker 2: was telling myself, which is not at all what you said,
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  Speaker 2: but this is what I heard in my head based
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  Speaker 2: on my own triggers, wounds and beliefs was that my
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  Speaker 2: content was overwhelming and almost in my head, it was like,
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  Speaker 2: it's not good enough. My story that I've always had
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  Speaker 2: is that I'm not capable enough. I'm not capable enough
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  Speaker 2: to achieve the things that I want to do. So like,
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  Speaker 2: I think it was almost one of those moments where
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  Speaker 2: it was like that old belief popped up in the moment.
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  Speaker 2: It was like, oh, see, it's not good enough. See,
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  Speaker 2: you're not capable enough. See, you can't do this. And
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  Speaker 2: it was not necessarily that I was told that growing up,
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  Speaker 2: but it was more because I was always somebody who
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  Speaker 2: used to start things and never finish them. And so
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  Speaker 2: all the evidence that I had was stacking that. any
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  Speaker 2: time that I wanted to achieve something and set out,
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  Speaker 2: I would give up or I would fail and then
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  Speaker 2: I wouldn't get back up. Or I would even have,
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  Speaker 2: let's say, for example, my dad, he was always there
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  Speaker 2: whenever I would struggle, right? So it was like, my
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  Speaker 2: story was also that I need saving because it was like, well,
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  Speaker 2: whenever something gets really hard, I'm not the person to
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  Speaker 2: solve the problem. My dad's the person to solve the problem.
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  Speaker 2: And so because somebody else did it, that automatically means
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  Speaker 2: that I wasn't capable of doing it.
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  Speaker 1: And do it without someone's help. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: So I always needed somebody else to be there and
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  Speaker 2: I never had that instilled sense of trust in myself.
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  Speaker 2: Because every single time along the journey, no matter what
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  Speaker 2: it was, like even wanting to work on site and
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  Speaker 2: things like that, I was like, oh my God, I'm
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  Speaker 2: not capable until I finished it and all the things.
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  Speaker 2: But like I would stop and start courses and I would,
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  Speaker 2: you know, try new business ventures and I would get
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  Speaker 2: a new job and then I'd hate it and I'd leave.
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  Speaker 2: And I just, I had this never ending list of
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  Speaker 2: things that I started and never finished. And I was just,
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  Speaker 2: had this overwhelming feeling of like feeling disappointed in myself
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  Speaker 2: all the time. And so really what allowed me to
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  Speaker 2: change that was really having internal boundaries with myself and
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  Speaker 2: having the discipline to actually stick to something and go
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  Speaker 2: hey like you don't need somebody else to solve it
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  Speaker 2: or fix it or save you you don't need saving
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  Speaker 2: you're not broken there's nothing wrong with you you just
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  Speaker 2: need to prove to yourself that you're actually capable of
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  Speaker 2: doing it yeah and so through that repetition of consistently
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  Speaker 2: going like hey I'm going to commit to this because
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  Speaker 2: it means something to me and then going hey like
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  Speaker 2: you can do this and not forcing myself into doing
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  Speaker 2: it because I hated it but loving myself into the
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  Speaker 2: growth and that was the biggest difference okay I have
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  Speaker 2: these boundaries and discipline with myself because I love myself
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  Speaker 2: not because I'm trying to make you hate what you're
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  Speaker 2: doing or feel challenged or anything like that it came
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  Speaker 2: from a place of love and so in that moment
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  Speaker 2: when Ashley and I were having that conversation it was
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  Speaker 2: like both of our triggers came up in that moment
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  Speaker 2: and we were both faced with it to sit with
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  Speaker 2: it in the discomfort together and we were just like.
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  Speaker 3: Oh like moving through it yeah yeah it's really hard
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  Speaker 3: and Yeah, no matter how old you get and how
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  Speaker 3: much work you do on this, I feel like they
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  Speaker 3: are always going to arise in certain moments because it's
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  Speaker 3: like that old analogy of a wound, you know, and
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  Speaker 3: it heals or you've got.
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  Speaker 1: A bandaid on it, but then it can be recut
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  Speaker 1: open and it starts to bleed again. And that happened
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  Speaker 1: for us. It's like, oh, I thought I'd worked through that.
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  Speaker 1: I'm dumb story. I know it's still always in the
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  Speaker 1: back of my head, but I'm pretty quick to squash
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  Speaker 1: it now. Like I said before, I don't let it
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  Speaker 1: stop me from doing anything. Even this whole topic, I
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  Speaker 1: was like, I'm willing to learn.
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  Speaker 2: I'm here.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm fucking shit scared and I need to understand
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  Speaker 1: this more and I need it more simplified. I need
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  Speaker 1: to study it more and ask more questions. But in
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  Speaker 1: that moment, that trigger ended up taking over. We really
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: had to like regulate and work through that and have
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  Speaker 1: further conversations on how it can feel good for both
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  Speaker 1: of us and also learn to hold each other in
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  Speaker 1: the triggers.
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  Speaker 3: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: While we're both triggered.
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  Speaker 2: While we're both triggered. Yeah, because we were having this
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  Speaker 2: conversation the other day. And it's really easy to hold
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: somebody in their triggers when you're not triggered too.
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  Speaker 1: When you're regulated.
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  Speaker 2: When you're regulated and you're like, babe, I've got you. Like,
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  Speaker 2: come to me.
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  Speaker 1: You can tell me anything.
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  Speaker 2: When you're also feeling activated and you're having your own
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  Speaker 2: internal experience, you face a little bit more challenge, right?
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  Speaker 2: Because you're holding your trigger and then you're also holding
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  Speaker 2: this person too and you're having your own internal experience.
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  Speaker 2: So everything that's happening right now feels personal and everything
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  Speaker 2: that's happening for the other person also feels personal, you know?
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  Speaker 2: So we had to navigate that conversation of going, okay,
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  Speaker 2: like what's coming up for you? How does this feel
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  Speaker 2: for you? And then kind of squashing the conversation, regulating,
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  Speaker 2: coming back together, rehabbing the conversation, and then repairing together
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  Speaker 2: and coming back to each other.
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  Speaker 1: You have to be super aware in conversations around your triggers,
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  Speaker 1: because like what you said before, what I heard was,
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  Speaker 1: isn't what she said. And I think this is a
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  Speaker 1: really powerful thing in relationship dynamics to say, I know
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  Speaker 1: this isn't what you're saying, but what I'm hearing from
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  Speaker 1: you is dah, dah, dah, dah. and then it gives
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  Speaker 1: the other person opportunity to say well that's not what
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  Speaker 1: I mean yeah I know it can come across like
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  Speaker 1: that but I'm going to repeat it in a different
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  Speaker 1: way yeah what I mean is da da da I
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  Speaker 1: make it about you so it's not about them but
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  Speaker 1: when you're triggered you do take everything personally so true
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  Speaker 1: and that's where the nervous system regulation comes in so
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  Speaker 1: freaking handy and it's something to always work on it's
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  Speaker 1: not easy and but we've gotta be super aware of
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: these limited beliefs.