Latest / Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor / Who Are You Showing Up For?

Transcript

Who Are You Showing Up For? · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome to this week's Mojo Monday. I got
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: home from a trip with my daughter. I just got
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: home a few days ago, very, very jet lagged. We
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: were over in Europe. So my daughter's 20 and she
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: has just started a three month stint into a semester
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: exchange at Edinburgh University. And I flew over just in
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: the last two weeks. She's been backpacking for a bit
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: over two months and I spent the last two weeks
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: with her just seeing a bit of Europe together, seeing
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: some family and friends and then I helped her settle
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: into her new place before I did the long haul home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: But watching her over those two weeks, we had an
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: amazing two weeks together and I really saw how much
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: she's grown from being out there in the world on
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: her own. And it's really the kind of growth that
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: you can't teach from home. It comes from figuring things
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: out for yourself. And she was just such a long
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: way from us, from her friends here, from the people
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: who kind of are there to rescue her when problems
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: or challenges arise. And it got me reflecting on my
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: own parenting journey so far. And I'm far from being
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: a perfect parent, but I always have tried to commit
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: to showing up as best for my kids. So they
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: then have the best chance of being their best. And
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: watching my daughter, watching who she's become, some of that
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: really feels like it's paid off. It's like, you know,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: one of those big parenting ticks. But it got me
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: thinking about what love is. So love is really a superpower,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: but it's really worth thinking about what love actually looks like,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: especially with your kids. So it's like a love in action.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Love doesn't mean always wrapping them up in cotton wool
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: and clearing every obstacle before they reach it. If you
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: think about it, love as a verb, it means allowing
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: them to fall, allowing them to fail and then being
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: the encourager to get them to pick themselves back up.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: And that one is really hard. It's hard as a parent.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I've found it hard probably more times than I'd like
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: to admit. But when your child is struggling, whether it's
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: a problem that they can't solve or a friendship that's
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: gone wrong or tears shed over the phone from the
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: other side of the world, which we did get, every
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: instinct in us says step in and fix it. But
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: if I'm really honest with myself, that instinct is often,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: not always, but often more about me than about her.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: You know, watching somebody you love struggle is really uncomfortable
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: to sit with. Rescuing them makes that discomfort go away
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: for me, but it's not necessarily good for her long-term
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: growth and resilience. The growth that I have seen over
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: these last couple of months from when she was travelling
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: has come from her working things out the hard way.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: There's been some friendship issues, there's communication challenges in foreign country,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: there was figuring out a new city on her own,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: navigating all of that, when she didn't know a single person.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: And none of that would have built the same confidence
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: if I'd solved it all for her. And what I've
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: recognised in this experience, it's really become clear that this
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: is a long game. Rescuing her in the moment, you know,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: she feels better for a short time, but allowing her
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: to work through it. Then she becomes somebody who can
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: handle the next challenge and the next one after that
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: and the bigger one after that without me. And it
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: means empathising when they're hurt, but not necessarily rushing in
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: to fix it every time. It means being honest that
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: the world won't always be on their side. There are
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: difficult people. Not everyone's going to like them. They're going
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: to get hurt. And what matters most is how they
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: respond to that. So I was thinking about how to
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: sum all this up. And I think what it is
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: about commitment is It's not about being a perfect parent,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: but it is about showing up again and again, including
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: on the days when you get it wrong and on
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: the days where you have to hold back when everything you,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: all you want to do within, you know, all the
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: cells in your body, you just want to step in.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: But that's really on you and your, how you respond
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: then to her challenges. And these are the values that
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: we've tried to pass on to our kids and Now
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I'm watching my daughter live them out and it's really
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: incredible to see. So here's a question for you to ponder.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Who do you show up for and how do you
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: show up? Where does your love actually show up in
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: what you do, not just in how you feel? The
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: people in our lives, our kids, our friends, our partners,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: they are largely shaped or there's a huge influence in
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: their shaping by how we show up for them. It's
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: one of the biggest differences that we get to make.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: So this week, pick one person that you show up
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: for and really look at them. So stop for a
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: moment and just notice the person in front of you.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Notice what they're going through right now and then ask yourself,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: what would it look like to bring your full strength
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: to that for them? What does love look like in action?
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: And I think it boils down to love is not
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: just a feeling. It is a strength that we can
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: give to someone else. Have a great week, everyone. I'll
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: catch you next week. See ya.