Latest / Healing Her Story with Riva Jean-Paul / Unplugged: The Impact of Social Media on Women's Mental Health

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Unplugged: The Impact of Social Media on Women's Mental Health · Healing Her Story with Riva Jean-Paul

• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Healing Her Story Podcast.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Riva Jean-Paul.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a trauma-informed somatic practitioner, coach for women, and host for your show.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Today I'm coming to you with a solo episode, and today's topic was not the one that I initially had planned on discussing today.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: This morning I did my usual morning practice and I went into a somatic meditation.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: And going through that meditation, I had a series of emotions and memories and thoughts that began to move through me.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: There were some tears, and on the other side of those tears came these words, and they started to just flow.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't quite know where they were coming from or what point they were trying to make.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: As I ended my meditation and I grabbed my journal to jot down my thoughts and my check-in for the day, I began to capture some of these words that were streaming through.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I'd like to start today with this poem that came through this morning.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: And this will introduce our discussion for today's show.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: So here we go, straight from the pages of my journal this morning.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Somehow manage to wiggle, roll, and shift myself out of the grips of external validation.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: I tell people I've quit, that I've had a revelation.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: The amount of courage it takes to go against the grain, to be true to yourself when everyone else is so focused on how to be the same.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: They may look at me like I'm insane.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe I am.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And if there's one thing that I'm not, it's asleep.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: I've gone to the depths of my pain and despair, and I found the real me.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: The wise woman inside who knows what feels wrong and what feels right.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Inside, I can now sense the part of me that feels light, no longer waking up first thing to see if I got a like.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Instead, I go inside and connect with my inner light and shine it so bright on all the parts that make me mean.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't remember all of the things that happened in the dream, but I can remember this one part of the dream where someone had asked me about social media, and I very confidently and clearly stated, Oh, I quit.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was really funny to have this poem come through after this dream.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: And this felt like a theme that really needed to be discussed today.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: It came through in my dream, and then again in my poem.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: So here we are.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it's interesting as we've been navigating the Venus retrograde, which congratulations, you've made it about halfway through.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: This past weekend was sort of the deepest part of the retrograde.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And as we've reached that depth, we might be starting to feel more clear about the relationships in our lives and how we relate to ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we relate to our life in general.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: This relationship to social media, to social media, excuse me, has been one that I have been reevaluating long before the Venus retrograde started.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I did find that over the weekend and today really reaching that culmination point, I came to the depth of my understanding of my relationship with social media.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: This started long ago.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: As I've really committed myself to my healing journey, as I have really tended to those old and deep and young wounds inside, I've felt more and more of this, let's call it the ick when I'm on social media.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Now I have used social media for many years to share my art when I first started Hula Hoop dancing.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And as that journey changed and evolved, I began to share some of the other things that I was passionate about related to health and wellness and creativity.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: And as I began to step into a leadership role, facilitating and teaching classes and leading groups, I quite naturally began to shift my social media.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And while I still shared a lot about health and wellness and my personal journey, I began to use it more of the intention to promote my business or my services.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that may or may not relate to you specifically, but know that that was my primary use for social media for many years.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I find that it did really get me spending more time on the app.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe it impacted me in a way that it might not affect you if you're not using the app in that way.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: However, as you'll hear today, um the research goes far beyond using it for work or for business, and it really does talk to how it affects the, if you will, the average individual.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: And what we'll really focus on today is how it affects the average woman and teens and young girls.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so again, as I've as I've been really tending to those old and young and deep wounds inside, I've I've felt less and less like social media was the right place for me to be.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: And yet, even with still feeling that ick, that sense of, hmm, this just isn't quite right, I would still continue to show up and create content for social media, promoting my services and my business and my business primarily, and also my art.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I did eventually create an art channel, um, an art page where I did go back to sharing dance videos and all of my visual art that I've been really leaning into over this last year or so.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it eventually just got so loud that I I had no choice but to really listen to this feeling of just not quite right.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Every year I take a big social media break and had been doing that for the past maybe three years, where I take a month off of social media, usually in the winter time.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Winter is for hibernating and resting and restoring ourselves, and that felt like the ideal time for me to take a break from social media, specifically taking a break from creating content.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I found that to be very supportive every time that I did it.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And last year, at the end of last year, 2024, I had thought, you know, I think I'm gonna do longer than a month.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm gonna do three months this time.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had told myself that when the winter solstice came, I would delete all of my social media media apps, and that includes TikTok.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: I did hang out on TikTok for a little bit, thought I might try that, and thought that I might have a different experience than I did on Instagram, and to a certain extent I did.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: However, I did notice a lot of the same patterns that I'll speak to here in a few moments.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so I deleted the social media apps on the winter solstice of last of last year, and I have not re-downloaded them since.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, you know, maybe around the springtime I will reevaluate and maybe go back to social media with some boundaries and some parameters around how I want to use it and what I want to share on it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then having this poem come through today and having this dream that I had last night confirmed for me that social media isn't the right place for me to be investing my time and my energy, at least in this current season that I'm in.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: Since getting off of social media about three months ago now, I have found so much more time and energy to really devote to the things that matter to me so much more than social media.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: I have found that I've had more time to really tend to my home.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: I've had more time to tend to my body that is my home.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been able to focus on authentic relationships that happen off of social media.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: I also feel I've been able to be more creative and I feel more trusting in my own process and my own journey.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: I feel I don't know if confident is the right word, more confident, but there is more of this sense of staying in my own lane and focusing on the things that are most important to me without wondering if someone else is doing the same or if someone is doing something that maybe I should try doing.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: And before getting off social media, I had tried curating my feed.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: And as we change, sometimes our feeds need to change.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so as these different versions of myself emerged through my healing processes, I would recalibrate my feed and unfollow people and mute people and maybe block some people that was needed.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I still found that even with that more intentional curation of what I was seeing in my feed, I still really wasn't getting much out of the app.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: I started to really pay attention to how I was feeling using the app and how I was feeling after using the app.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: And the thing that really stood out most to me, there are two things actually that I'll name.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: The first thing is checking my phone first thing in the morning and immediately opening Instagram or TikTok when I when I had TikTok.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I would check to see how the post I did the day before did.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: How did it do?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: How did people respond?
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: Did they like it?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Did I give me likes?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Did I go viral?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: What happened while I was asleep?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: And sure, there were some comments and some likes.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Some days there weren't comments and some likes.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: But I really noticed that constant checking first thing every morning.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Does anyone like me?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Does anyone like me?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Seeking that validation and that confirmation that I was doing the right things, that I was saying the right things.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that really stood out to me.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't something that I really liked.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: I thought about a time in my life when I didn't check social media first thing in the morning.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: It was no problem.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: And now all of a sudden it became really hard to not immediately reach for that first thing every single morning.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: As I was watching this pattern and being curious about it and wanting to shift or change this habit, or at least try to understand this habit.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: Where is this coming from?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: I would spend a lot of time journaling about my experience using the app, little things that came up for me or triggered me on certain days and certain times.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: And at the end of the year, during my winter break, I went through and read all of my journal entries from this past year, from 2024.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: And there were pages and pages and pages and pages and pages of how much I didn't like using social media.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I won't go into all of the specific journal entries.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of layers to the things that were being triggered for me.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely comparison, definitely feeling left out of certain things.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: And definitely a lot of again that confirmation, seeking that confirmation and that validation.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: And after reading these loads of pages talking about essentially all the ways in which social media wasn't serving me, I had a visceral, full-body reaction of frustration and the sense of just feeling really fed up and tired of my own shit.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: I thought of friendships that I've had in the past where a friend would complain about a person or a thing or a situation over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And they never did anything to change it.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: And in that moment, I had to remind myself of how I would treat a friend that did that.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: I would lovingly and sternly invite this friend to do something about the situation or to politely stop complaining about it to me.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you're not going to change anything about it and you're just going to keep complaining about it, then I cannot hold space for that complaining anymore.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to sort of be that friend to myself.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe not forever, because when we're afraid to let go of something, when something has its grip on us that tight, it can feel really to scare, feel really scary to just let it go forever.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so I told myself, let's just start with three months and see how it goes and we'll re-evaluate.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I may have mentioned in a previous episode, I generally um have this chronic pain and tension that I deal with on my left side and my shoulder and in my neck.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it can get very painful sometimes.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I've noticed since getting off of social media that it's happening a lot less.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that pain and that tension is connected to a really tender and young part of me that is still hurting from painful things that have happened to her as a little girl.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that the app is not good for her.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: It might be okay for my adult self, but for that little young, tender part inside who was so hurt, so hurt by many people over the years.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: And as I've been on my reparenting journey, I've had to really learn how to be a mom to that little girl inside and to protect her.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I knew that if I really wanted to be the best parent that I possibly could to her, that this was something that I needed to do for her, to really honor her, regardless of how it might be helpful to me as a business owner and as a leader and someone who puts things out in the world as an artist.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast was one of the first things that I wanted to create in exchange for giving up social media because I still want to teach and share and connect.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to do it in a way that feels right and authentic and sustainable and true to me and true to my values.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: An episode on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, which I highly recommend if you haven't listened to it, with the host uh Glenn Doyle, her sister, sister Amanda, Amanda words today, Doyle, and her partner, Abby Womack.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: And they had a whole conversation on Glennon's experience using social media.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I was noticing myself feeling a lot of the same things that she was talking about feeling.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: And this is a woman who's best-selling author, amazing top podcast, and got this incredible Together Rising nonprofit she runs, just incredible woman doing amazing things in the world.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: And she still found herself in the same traps and patterns that I was in.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: And she really struggled with addiction.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: She's a an addict, once an addict, always an addict.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: And she's on her recovery journey, and she noticed similar patterns from her uh struggle with addiction coming up in social media, trying to set parameters and boundaries and negotiate around it.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, I can only use it these times, or okay, I gotta do a post and I get off.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have the app.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: I had an additional app that would monitor my time, and that helped for a little bit.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Our body is the biggest truth parameter.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: And anytime I would come back to my body, it was just giving me more information that it wasn't right.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: And as I was continuing to hear about other people going through similar things that I had been going through, people that I really look up to and admire, it really validated me and assured me that making the choice I did was the best choice for me.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: For now, I don't have any intention again of going back anytime soon.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'll probably continue this idea of re-evaluating every three months or so to make it not seem like such a big undertaking.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: And it's feeling really wonderful on my nervous system and on my heart and on my brain to not be spending as much time on these apps.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: That is my personal experience with social media.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm curious to know what your experience has been like.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: And the invitation to for today's podcast episode for today's conversation is to evaluate how social media is serving you.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Is it serving you?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: And also maybe evaluating how it isn't.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: On one hand, yes, it can offer us connection.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: My dear friend and sister Amora, who was just on our last guest episode.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: If you haven't listened to it yet, I highly recommend and encourage you to go back and listen.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: How to be the parent you never had.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: I met Amora through Instagram.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: We met on Instagram and we met up in person, and that was the start of our friendship.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yes, it can offer us connection with people all over the world, even not even just in our local community.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: We can build a sense of community online, especially if you feel like you don't belong in your local community.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: You can go online and find online communities and feel like you are a part of something.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: That sense of belonging is one of our basic human needs.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so it makes sense to me why people do go out and seek community and connection on these apps in this way.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: Again, especially if you find that you struggle to do that locally, depending on where you live in the world and what your interests are and what people's interests are where you live and how they may or may not align with yours.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: It also gives us access to information.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I do really see the value of being educated and informed in this world.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's part of the work that I do here on the show, is talking about things and getting information out there.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: And social media has proven time and time and time again how it can exponentially get really important information out there to the masses quickly.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: On the other side, there are some costs that come with using social media.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: That we do with the people around us.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: It also can decrease our self-esteem, and it can contribute to mental fatigue and over-stimulation.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think many of us are inundated with messages and notifications and emails and phone calls and texts and it just doesn't really stop.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: It really doesn't.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: And as fast as technology has advanced, our bodies and our brains have not advanced nowhere near as far as technology has.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: Today was one of those days, and at least half of the people are just on their phone.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: And this is even in an art class where we're making art.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I would find it more interesting these days.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: But in a class like where people are all really interested in what they're doing, you still see a large portion of these people on their phones scrolling during these in-between moments of the day.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: It activates the brain's reward center by releasing dopamine, which is our feel-good hormone.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: And we generate this hormone through pleasurable activities such as sex, food, and social interaction.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so we kind of go to social media sometimes wanting to get these hits of dopamine throughout the day.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: But what's really interesting about social media is that it kind of works like a slot machine where you don't necessarily know what you're gonna get.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe one day your post gets a lot of likes and you get a really big hit of dopamine.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then maybe one day you don't.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't get that same hit of dopamine that you got just the day before when you posted another image.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: Just the same way someone who's gambling likes to keep putting that penny in the slot machine and and pulling the slot because hey, you could you could win big on this next one.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: Social media has that same sort of pattern, which I think is really interesting and something to definitely be mindful of if you are someone who is posting on social media.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: There is a research study that shows that 69% of adults use social media and 81% of teens use social media.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: And this comes from a study from the Pew Research Center, and this is just in regards to the US.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: 69% of adults and 81% of teens.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: That really puts a large amount of the population at risk for feeling anxious, depressed, or ill over social media, which is something that has been proven.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: There's been a lot of studies that have shown the impact of social media, and it especially affects women and young girls the most.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: There has been a study that found increased social media use is associated with poor sleep, online harassment, low self-esteem, and negative body image.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: And all of these are linked to depressive symptoms, especially in young girls.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: Exposure to images and videos on social media platforms can contribute to body dissatisfaction and eating disorders among adolescent girls, potentially leading to serious mental health issues, including suicidal behavior.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: There's a documentary on Netflix that tells a very tragic story about this exact situation.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: A young girl who literally took her life because she was bullied and harassed on social media and could not handle the effects of this on her social um relationships in school.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Having everyone kind of see these really intimate parts of her, she felt a lot of shame and so much shame that she decided that it wasn't worth it to live.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not the only story like that.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: There are too many stories that have this same exact theme.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: In our first episode, where we talk about why society society hates women, why it hurts everyone, and what to do about it, I touched on some of the unrealistic expectations and beauty standards that are placed upon women and the media, of course, and social media is where are where a lot of these stereotypes are emphasized, are where they're being programmed into our brains.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know that when I was on social media and I would look through my feed, there was generally a kind of female body that was being portrayed more commonly than the rest, that being skinny and white and maybe blonde, maybe brunette.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: And that to me was really letting me know that this is this is the ideal way to be and look.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: And when you are a black or brown or voluptuous or queer or non-binary human who does not see yourself in those images that are being portrayed, in those videos that are being portrayed.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: We talked about the sense of belonging, right?
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: We're not getting that sense of belonging because we're looking around at all these images and we're not seeing ourselves in them.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that does something to us.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_01: That does something to our hearts, that's that does something to our brains, that does something to our nervous system on a very deep yet subtle level.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so, even just using social media to me felt like I was really perpetuating these stereotypes and these unrealistic beauty standards that are placed upon women.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Young girls are more susceptible to this because their frontal lobe is not fully formed.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: These brains are still developing, and these are the things that are being wired into their brains.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful that Instagram wasn't around when I was a teenager because I can't imagine what it would have done to my very vulnerable brain at that time.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: Even as a conscious adult who meditates daily and goes to therapy and does my breath work and goes on my walks and exercise and eats all the foods and checks all the boxes, right?
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: Even I still struggled and found myself getting caught in these loops.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_01: And body image has always been something that I've struggled with.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was quote unquote overweight, whatever that means, as a young girl, and was bullied for being overweight and for being biracial.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: And that really shaped how I saw myself and how I see my body.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something that I will forever and always be um not working on, but just being mindful of because I find myself bumping up against those really old programs quite often.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: And even as I'm talking and sharing about them now, I can I can feel myself bumping up against them in my body, meaning they're still they're still there, and that's after so much time and work, and it's it's gotten a lot better.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely have a much deeper, such a deep appreciation and love for this vessel that is my body, regardless of if she fits into those stereotypes or not.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: Excessive time online can also decrease our face-to-face interactions.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: And Brene Brown has this episode on her podcast called Unlocking Us, where she talks about this term that she coined, AI, artificial intimacy.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_01: We think because we go online and we see someone's Instagram story that, oh, we know them and they're our friends, and that's enough.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: But that's not true connection, or rather, it's not a substitute for connection, it can be a start to it, or perhaps a way to connect in between deeper moments of connection, but I found that I didn't really like that.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't like that people would watch my story and think that they knew me.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_01: It just seemed really strange to me.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, no, like you, you've never even like sat down and like had a cup of tea with me and like learned about me as a human and what I've gone through.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know what my interests are, what my passions are.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know what makes me happy and what makes me sad.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no way I could share all of that in an Instagram post.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: And you might get little pieces, but you're probably just getting the highlights because we all know that that's what a lot of us are sharing on social media, and I think that's okay.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it just didn't feel right to me at all.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: And as we decrease these face-to-face interactions, mind you, that we we literally need face-to-face interactions to engage our social engagement system, which is what can help us to feel that sense of belonging and connection and joy and being present in the moment.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: We wind up increasing our social isolation, which can elevate stress levels and potentially disrupt our sleep and negatively impact our psychological well-being.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: Research also indicates a positive relationship between passive social media use and psychological and psychological anxiety in women.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: Studies have reported negative effects of social media on young people's mental health, including social comparison pressure and increased feelings of social isolation after online rejection.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: Which reminds me of another Netflix series I watched over the weekend where a young boy was bullied on Instagram and wound up retaliating and took the life of the woman who had, or excuse me, the young girl who had been bullying him on Instagram.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_01: And granted, this was a a show, was a um a non non-fiction show or fiction, yeah, fiction show.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_01: But that thread of uh story came from somewhere, right?
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: These real stories, these real people that are genuinely being hurt and impacted by social media in these negative ways.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: So that's the information that's out there right now, and I'm gonna leave it here for you to digest and ponder over.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: And as we're reaching the end of the episode, like always, I want to share some simple and practical things that can support you in your own journey of potentially maybe reevaluating your relationship with social media.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_01: You might be wondering what are some signs that you need a break, and if you've resonated with any of the things that I've shared today about social comparison, anxiety, social isolation, and the sense of just not feeling right anytime you're on the app.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you have any visceral or somatic or body reactions while being on the app, or maybe even after being on the app, that are really standing out to you, I would pay attention and maybe slow down and get curious about what that might be trying to tell you about your relationship with social media.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not feeling this sense of right and true connection on the app or after using the app, that might be a sign that it's time to re-evaluate.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if you find that you are wanting to step away from the app, you might be wondering how can you sell set healthy boundaries with social media without feeling disconnected?
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because the truth is 69% of adults are on social media.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want to know what's going on, if you want to stay in touch with you know your friends or your family members who maybe don't live nearby, or maybe you like to share photos of your little ones with people who don't live near you, if you still want that sense of being connected, how can you set healthy boundaries around social media?
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: And as I've shared, there are apps that you can download that can help monitor your time and your use with social media.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Did find that to be very helpful.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: I found that it it did help me to create more of a buffer between me and social media.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_01: And while having that app running, I feel like that's what gave me that space to start even re to start even thinking about like, okay, like what is happening here?
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: What is going on here?
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: It didn't keep me off of the app.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_01: It did decrease my time.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_01: There would be days though where I would reach my time limit for the day and I would ask for more.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it wasn't perfect in that sense.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: But like I said, what I what it did do for me is it it created that space, it created this buffer for me to really re-evaluate and think about like okay, what what is going on with social media?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: So if you haven't tried one of those, that can be a really great place to start.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_01: I found for myself when I was spending more time scrolling on social media, it was an indicator to me that I was avoiding something.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: Is there some other unmet need that could maybe, maybe I could meet in some way, instead of trying to meet it through scrolling, which may or may not actually ever meet the need as we've discussed here today?
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I think just having that pause, yeah, just giving yourself that pause, you know, even when you're picking up the app and checking in, and okay, what am I, what am I picking up this phone for?
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: What am I opening up this app for?
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_01: Is it because I'm tired and I need a break?
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_01: Could there be another way I might be able to take a break right now?
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yoga Nidra is one of my favorite things to do.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_01: I just took one before recording today's episode.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it really gives me the actual rest that I need versus scrolling on my phone for 20 minutes.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: So those are some ways that you can begin to explore creating those healthy boundaries around social media.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: Another thing that I did that worked really well for me was creating digital detoxes, and I would schedule them on the weekends, usually when I wasn't working, and I would try to do one, if not two days, Saturday and Sunday, where I would make a commitment to just be off of social media for the weekend.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I found that to be really helpful and supportive for me as well.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I would turn off my phone if I really needed more space between me and the app.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I would delete the app and re-download it for the weekend.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_01: But that was something that really served me.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: And even still on the weekends, even though I don't have social media, I do very intentionally turn my phone on, do not disturb, for most of the weekend.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I try to stay away from my phone as much as possible.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: As technology continues to advance, as AI continues to advance, and we continue to spend more of our time online.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: I work online, I offer sessions online, I take trainings online, and I really do enjoy being able to do those things online.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's really important that we very intentionally engage in offline activities that promote our well-being and our creativity.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_01: Whether that's getting out in nature, going to a concert, meeting up with a friend for some tea, starting a new hobby, that's something that you really enjoy just because you that you do just because you enjoy it.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's really important that we make time for these things because technology is not going anywhere.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: And as I mentioned, our our bodies and our brains have not advanced at the speed that technology has.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: I myself have been really leaning into quality over quantity and no longer worrying about trying to have as many friends as I possibly can I can have, but rather having one to three friends that I have a really, really, really wonderful friendship with.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_01: So let's have these real, true, authentic conversations around some of these harder topics because as we're moving forward in this world, in this current state of the world, it's gonna be more and more and more important that we are really true to our values, that we do the hard and right thing, that we speak up about things that aren't right.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_01: We need more people doing that.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're here listening to the show, I I know that you are one of those people.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_01: And by just sparking these conversations, you can you can you can help in a really profound way.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_01: It might not seem like a profound way, because maybe it's just a conversation that you have with one other person, and that is how movement starts.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_01: That is how change starts.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_01: It starts with one person and one conversation.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_01: So if today's episode helped you, imagine how it could help others if we help spark more conversations around this topic.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_01: I see more and more and more people wanting to get off social media.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_01: And if they hear someone else that did it because it wasn't working for them either, maybe that's all the validation and the support that they would need to move forward with that thing inside that is telling them that it's not feeling right.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_01: As always, such an honor to be here with you today and to have this really heartfelt and um yeah, just genuine kind of free-flow conversation with you today on something that's been really impacting me in a deep way, and something that I'm really um reaping the benefits of as I've been stepping away from it and leaning into more things that create that really true sense of belonging and connection.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much for spending your time with me today.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_01: And do not take that for granted.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: Really appreciate you being here doing this work alongside with me.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_01: In the meantime, take care of yourself and take care of each other.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_00: Creating new life from your wood.