Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / The Flash

Transcript

The Flash · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:01
Oh, God. Oh, my God. I mean, there is prickly
0:23
pear. It's a good one. That works. That isn't
0:28
great. No, they were on sale. I get the sale
0:31
ones. We don't get the high end buddies. Why
0:35
does it taste a little bit of fart? It depends
0:40
on what your flavor is, I suppose. But yeah,
0:42
I mean, mine always has more of a like a rotting
0:46
pumpkin vibe to it. Yeah. Your farts. I was like,
0:53
white peach shouldn't taste like pumpkin. Yeah,
0:56
that's weird. This is this is opening up exactly
0:58
as I expected. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go around
1:01
real quick and just describe our farts. We got
1:03
a rotted pumpkin for Peter. Mm hmm. Adam with
1:07
a hint of like meat. Oh, yeah. Meat and pumpkin.
1:11
Yeah. So some kind of African dish, I'm assuming.
1:15
Yeah, it could be that or like there's probably
1:16
like a pumpkin and beef ravioli or something
1:19
like that. Pumpkin and goat. There you go. Cubed
1:23
goat meat. I have to go next. Is that what you
1:26
said, Sean? Yeah, that's right, Rob. OK, I do
1:28
eat a lot of red beans. So I wouldn't I don't
1:34
I wouldn't describe the fart as beanie, but it's
1:36
the kind of farts you get from from beans. Yeah.
1:39
So prolific, fibrous. It's just got like a rancid
1:48
quality to it. And then I have to announce it
1:51
in the brewery that like you guys don't just
1:53
say it's bean farts. Stay over where you're at.
1:58
that's that's reasonable uh mine just smell and
2:02
taste like sins this is something something just
2:07
isn't a front to god and it's in my ass where
2:10
it belongs sean uh i can only describe my worst
2:15
farts as being akin to andy muschietti's the
2:19
flash that's right this was an intro this is
2:22
cage i'm sean here with my co -host I'll give
2:27
you that. Weirdly enough, that was better than
2:29
most. You actually did segue for once. You know
2:35
what? It's taken four years and like, you know,
2:37
three episodes left and I finally got there.
2:41
Nice work. I'm producer Peter. And we got Adam
2:45
back with us. I think this is five, right? This
2:48
is the you're the five timer. I think you and
2:50
in. daryl are maybe the only five timers oh five
2:54
timers let's call them the fist club the fisters
2:57
yeah we got our fisters here adam i think if
3:00
you host snl five times you get some kind of
3:03
jacket or sport coat so uh well we can't afford
3:06
that but we can't afford one of you one of you
3:09
get the fuck to a good will then buy me a coat
3:13
no i'm about to spit on this thing and give you
3:15
what you deserve Become the puppet that you are
3:20
for us. I don't like that at all. Adam's just
3:25
a mouthpiece. You didn't have to make the gesture.
3:28
I did have to make the gesture. It's so much
3:30
better. Nick and I did it in stereo. It was worth
3:32
it. This week, as I alluded to, we are discussing
3:39
The Flash, which has the honor of having exactly
3:43
zero actual Nicolas Cage in it. was it all cgi
3:47
yeah yeah i mean he i guess he had done like
3:51
a body scan for it or something body and i guess
3:54
mostly face scan and then was originally going
3:57
to have lines and then they didn't have him have
4:00
lines yeah well nobody really had lines in that
4:04
segment so it's weird that they had him do a
4:06
face scan only to have it look that bad considering
4:10
the cg christopher reeves looked slightly better
4:15
eh i mean okay all the cgi stuff in this looks
4:19
bad anytime it's in like the time whatever chronosphere
4:23
or whatever yeah time dome everything looks like
4:27
that like weird rubbery early cgi's yeah i don't
4:31
know it's just there's something about the cgi
4:33
in this that really bugged the shit out of me
4:35
it looks like the uh angley hulk or whatever
4:39
yeah oh yeah but even when they had like actors
4:41
that they could just like have stills of they
4:46
still cg'd them into like these rubbery monstrosities
4:48
like when we go through the history when barry's
4:51
watching like his new timeline with his mom alive
4:53
and it's just like creepy uh creepy rubber mom
4:57
don't like it when they had the actress like
5:01
she could have just they could have just done
5:03
it done acting but no they did make a weird rubber
5:05
mom which some people would be really into but
5:08
oh rubber mommy I hadn't thought about it that
5:14
way. I mean, I can tell that the CGI was bad,
5:17
but when you talk about how it felt like it was
5:20
going really far back in time, as far as the
5:23
CGI, at one point, maybe 30 or 40 minutes in,
5:26
I thought this would be better if The Flash was
5:30
played by Tobey Maguire because I was thinking
5:33
of the original Spider -Man because that's how
5:36
it felt to me. And now that I think of it, it's
5:39
because it was kind of similar. a similar type
5:43
of cgi yeah it's pretty pretty similar look this
5:45
uh but only like 20 years after the toby mcguire
5:49
spider right yeah exactly but this one they can
5:51
say shit and fuck it's true i was i certainly
5:55
was the whole movie this this shit is fucked
5:59
it took me fuck uh it took me three efforts to
6:04
get all the way through it and i finished the
6:06
last 30 minutes this morning and it was just
6:08
not the way i like morning coffee Yeah, I regret
6:12
that this is not the first time I've seen this
6:14
movie. I very much recreationally watched it
6:17
like a year ago. And then knowing I had to rewatch
6:22
it, it was a lot of effort. I did have to split
6:25
it up because I fell asleep. Yeah. Uncommon for
6:29
me. I tried to watch this film when it came to
6:32
streaming because I do love DC comics and I do
6:36
particularly love the Flash as a character and
6:38
I've always wanted like. a flash movie so i was
6:41
like i know all the shit behind it uh ezra miller
6:44
like i know it's not getting great reviews i
6:48
know it's gonna be a train wreck but i just want
6:50
it for the spectacle and i got through the gotham
6:55
city scene and i just turned it off i'm like
6:57
oh yeah everything everything that isn't ezra
7:01
miller isn't the worst thing in the world uh
7:04
high point in the first seven minutes ben affleck's
7:07
batman getting to batman around for a bit i loved
7:09
but all the actual flashing about i was just
7:13
like i hate this also i just want to call out
7:17
right at the top um the fake out um intro card
7:22
when he's like starting to like target for the
7:24
run oh yeah and then the fans are like it's the
7:27
flash i'm like that should have been cut considering
7:29
you know that time he choked out you know A chubby
7:34
fan. Yeah, Ezra Miller is definitely a problematic
7:36
bit of this thing. So, Oric, you had not watched
7:41
a lot of DECU content, right? Ever. I haven't
7:45
watched really much of any comic book movies.
7:48
I've seen a few. Ooh, this will be great. I've
7:55
seen the Tobey Maguire. spider is it spider -man
7:59
or spider -man's that's dc no it's marvel i know
8:02
i'm just talking about comic book movies in general
8:04
oh i i saw just spider -man i saw the christopher
8:06
reeve uh superman and i've seen um which ones
8:10
all of them i saw the yeah so you're familiar
8:14
with going back in time um michael uh michael
8:17
keaton as batman and uh the christopher nolan
8:21
yeah batmen um because i think he did several
8:25
right he did three yeah so yeah so batman or
8:30
batman's and batman's i don't know so the thing
8:33
the decu of it all you know this like led by
8:37
zach snyder you know kind of weird edgy takes
8:42
on it or whatever i none of it ever appealed
8:44
to me i don't think i've ever gotten through
8:46
a single one of them so watching this i was like
8:49
ben affleck seems really weird as batman but
8:52
i didn't see him play batman i got to see him
8:54
as like a basically a five minute cameo in this
8:57
and they i did like him as thick batman though
8:59
that was pretty nice i like dummy thick batman
9:02
i like thick batman too uh i think what was the
9:06
uh colloquial version he's like bulldog batman
9:09
because he had like the rubbery like bulldog
9:11
mask was his batman versus superman was that
9:15
his one yeah yeah he was also in was he in the
9:18
justice league movies now here's another question
9:21
about the character in this one Did they already
9:24
beat Zod? I'm assuming they beat Zod in a different
9:26
movie, right? That was in one of the Superman
9:28
movies. That was the first movie. So that's why
9:31
I think this will be interesting. Adam, it's
9:32
your job to recap the film for us. And considering
9:34
this entire movie relies on having watched all
9:37
of the Zack Snyder movies, for it to make any
9:41
sense, go. I can't. I mean, I can tell you about
9:47
the movie and I can tell you about why it's pretty
9:49
bad. But I mean... I remember General Zod from
9:54
the Superman universe. Am I recapping or just
9:59
telling you what I think? Why don't you recap
10:01
and we'll ask you pointed questions that we know
10:04
you don't have answers for. I had to look it
10:08
up because this opens with Alfred, played by
10:13
Jeremy Irons. Wonderful catch. Well done, guys.
10:17
What a catch. I did love his Alfred. Yeah. Well,
10:22
in the one minute that I got to see him, I thought
10:24
he was pretty great. I'm going to call back to
10:27
a previous Cage Match episode in which Nick explained
10:30
his hope that Jeremy Irons would one day become
10:33
disabled and be in a wheelchair. Jeremy Ironsides?
10:38
I'm a good person. Just wishing for disabilities
10:43
on other people for my amusement. I didn't know
10:51
anything about the Justice League, seriously.
10:54
And so I was like, wait, who's this guy? And
10:57
then it's Alfred. It's like, why is Alfred calling
10:59
the Flash? Yeah, apparently Alfred is dispatch.
11:05
And then it was like, oh, have you... called
11:08
superman or have you called aquaman or have you
11:11
called and it was like oh we're getting everything
11:13
yeah um they were all literally my first choice
11:16
over you and then so he's pissed off the the
11:20
flash uh barry allen ezra miller He's pissed
11:24
off because he's in a coffee shop trying to order
11:26
a bullshit sandwich. He wants the guy to hurry
11:28
up and then he has to go change into his suit
11:30
and run. He's such a rude little dick. Yeah.
11:34
Which one? Both of them, but Barry in particular.
11:36
I found him incredibly unlikable. He's hungry.
11:41
He had to. So he had to go into Gotham City and
11:45
because it was all kinds of shit was going down
11:47
and like the fucking hospital was falling into
11:50
a sinkhole and shit, which I love the explanation
11:53
for that. Falcone's kid decided to get the big
11:55
time, got a crew together and stole a virus and
11:58
bombed the basement of a hospital. It's never
12:02
explained why the hospital's falling down. I'm
12:04
assuming Molman. There's just Molman involved.
12:07
There's always Molman. He has to leave this coffee
12:12
shop while his sandwich is being made and run
12:14
to Gotham City. From Star City, right? Central
12:20
City, I think he's from. So I looked it up and
12:23
it Because it shows him running over mountains
12:27
and what I assumed was across Lake Erie. And
12:31
I looked it up and it was basically like Central
12:35
City is sort of like in Missouri to like New
12:39
Jersey or New York or something, which if anybody
12:43
has ever driven from Missouri to New Jersey.
12:47
Anywhere other than Missouri. Well, you just
12:49
you don't cross many mountains. No. You can actively
12:53
not go through a lake. And then he saves a bunch
12:56
of babies that have fallen out of a window. He
12:59
puts one of them in a microwave, which was fucking
13:01
awesome. He stuck a baby in a microwave. House
13:05
to burrito, stuck a baby in a microwave. They
13:07
try and explain that away later because he's
13:09
like, you can't move living things. You can move
13:11
like, like you could, you could, you could put,
13:14
you could put a baby in a microwave and move
13:16
the microwave, but you can't move the baby. And
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I'm like, what? yeah none of that the the logic
13:22
of that makes any sense because later he gets
13:24
moved and he barfs all over the place yeah i'm
13:27
gonna complain about the logic in this movie
13:29
so much today i did research i took notes good
13:33
uh right off the top discussing his like hundreds
13:37
of mile run to uh another two across several
13:41
state lines uh that he did in the course of like
13:44
a minute and other times this movie he can run
13:47
faster than the speed than anyone can see he
13:51
can even just kind of like on her and like pick
13:53
up a can of tomatoes and put it in a cart at
13:56
a speed that people cannot see but for some reason
13:59
when he has to fight he can only run just fast
14:03
enough where people can see him and punch him
14:04
yeah yeah so the the scene in gotham city is
14:09
just this was a 200 million dollar budget and
14:13
they probably spent 180 million trying to make
14:18
that Sean, I appreciate you calling out how bad
14:21
it was because the first note I took in my notes
14:24
app for this movie was this is the cyber truck
14:26
of opening scenes. And that it looks awful. Yeah,
14:34
looks awful and actually is awful. And that it
14:36
was like this was clearly made for eight year
14:39
olds and dude bros. Yeah, that's it. The CG in
14:44
this is so bad. I'd rather watch an episode of
14:46
Reboot. And so then he, uh, he runs, he saves
14:50
all these babies, takes the one out of the microwave.
14:53
After the microwave dings. Yeah. After the microwave
14:56
dings. Cause it was still, how was it still?
14:58
Yeah. Right. Um, it's been floating through this
15:01
guy. And, uh, so then he runs back to Missouri
15:05
and gets the, the barista finally has his sandwich
15:08
almost ready. And then he gets his sandwich and
15:11
like goes to work and, um, where he's habitually
15:16
late. yeah fastest man on the he's habitually
15:19
late and abused by what's her name sirsha monica
15:23
jackson sirsha something jackson the north irish
15:25
actress is really good and they make her do an
15:28
american accent for for no reason for no reason
15:31
so he gets abused by his co -workers a little
15:34
bit and then we kind of that's kind of how we
15:37
learn the start of his background whereas his
15:40
tragic past do we know how long his dad had been
15:42
his dad been in prison for like 18 years yeah
15:45
since he was like a kid like he got raised by
15:48
iris's parents waiting for this i didn't even
15:50
gather that part i mean it wasn't really addressed
15:52
in the film yeah that's not at all in this film
15:56
like because they only knew each other from college
15:57
in this film him and iris yeah right okay and
16:00
then yeah so his dad's played by ron livingston
16:03
also like this movie was like got a banging cast
16:07
absolutely um All the Batmans. And so that's
16:11
kind of how we learn. Except for Christian Bale.
16:13
That's kind of how we learn sort of his motivation,
16:15
which is similar to Batman. Mom died. Now I'm
16:19
angry. It's like everybody's parents died. Yeah.
16:23
But his dad got blamed for the murder. But his
16:25
dad gets blamed for the murder. And he was helping
16:28
exonerate his dad. Where does this bring us to?
16:32
We see the murder scene. We see like him as maybe
16:35
a seven or eight year old complaining about homework
16:37
and how sweet his mom was. Yeah. And then some
16:40
rando came in and kills her. So then Barry gets
16:43
sad and runs real fast. Yeah, he runs away. And
16:47
he's been running ever since. And that's the
16:50
end of the movie. But then now we go back to
16:52
present. He figures out that he can time travel.
16:56
if he runs fast enough faster than time um what
17:00
what did they call it the the time flow the chronosphere
17:03
is it really called the chronosphere i think
17:06
that's what they called it he called it in the
17:07
movie i mean the speed force is what he uses
17:09
to like run okay yeah that that's what gave him
17:13
his power what first off i hate the whole effect
17:16
of him running in slow -mo but the world like
17:18
speeding by him i think that his running looks
17:21
real dumb especially as stupid like speed skating
17:24
like maneuver he does i hate it so much it sucks
17:28
i did appreciate that heather barry allen doesn't
17:32
just runs like a spaz doesn't have his stupid
17:34
like speed run um so he tries to go back in time
17:38
all notes on this one movie i mean they're not
17:41
like notes in a good way these are ways that
17:43
my brain can remember a movie that i'm like i
17:45
don't like any of this wow you have so much written
17:48
down well yeah i do it as i watch it so also
17:54
i just want to let people know this was a two
17:56
and a half hour movie it's a lot of movie god
17:59
it was so long and it feels every minute of it
18:02
yeah it was really tough buckle up we're 10 minutes
18:06
in there's so many times about a guy who runs
18:09
real fast this movie moves at a snail's pace
18:11
yeah there were there were so many times there's
18:13
i mean it had to have been 15 or 18 times i paused
18:17
it to see how much i had left it was like oh
18:19
god god how have i only been watching this for
18:23
28 minutes that's when i stopped it the first
18:27
time and then i remembered that i can watch it
18:28
at two speed i i i got through 35 and went and
18:32
walked two miles like i just got to listen to
18:37
music or do something else so We learn in the
18:41
death scene that his mom was making dinner, had
18:43
forgotten a can of tomatoes. Dad has to go back
18:45
to the store for a can of tomatoes. And that's
18:48
when the break -in and stabbing happens. So when
18:53
Barry Allen realizes he can manipulate time,
18:56
he's, I'll just go back to that day. He shuffles
19:01
through the store. furious speed so nobody can
19:05
see him puts a can of tomatoes in his mom's shopping
19:08
cart on that day and then tries to move forward
19:12
in time but what what happens when he gets punched
19:15
out of the time yeah out of the chronosphere
19:17
yeah yeah and so he ends up uh he ends up back
19:21
on september 29th i think of 2013 yeah the the
19:26
the exact day that he got his powers and so he
19:31
very irresponsibly went into his own home to
19:35
hang out with his parents, talk to his mom. We
19:38
got to pause for a second. He thought he was
19:40
back in his own time. He didn't realize he was
19:42
in the past. Oh, that's a good point. He didn't
19:44
think he was in his own time. But the thing that
19:45
really... Okay, so he's in his flash suit, right?
19:49
Yeah, right. But they established that the flash
19:52
suit can get unsuited and he'd just have clothes.
19:55
But instead, he goes and he steals two old people's
19:57
clothes who are presumably just like... naked
20:00
on the street i don't think i don't think this
20:03
clothes goes over suit because he has to change
20:05
into them i think he's just raw dog so anytime
20:08
he has to get into his suit he just leaves his
20:11
clothes in a little pile somewhere yeah he's
20:13
just like there's just one person getting raptured
20:16
everywhere everywhere he's like damn there's
20:18
another one folded yeah i don't think barry's
20:21
neatly folding i mean honestly again at his speed
20:24
he could run home hang his clothes come back
20:30
catch the suit yeah yeah right so he um he's
20:35
having dinner with his parents and then he sees
20:37
his freshman in college self walking up and he
20:42
goes out and like sort of instigates a fight
20:44
with him with himself and then talks to himself
20:48
they lock they lock the underwear on his head
20:51
yeah they lock themselves in their bedroom and
20:54
then he realizes that oh this is the day i get
20:58
my powers, we have to go do this. And I loved
21:00
the fact that he got his powers by being struck
21:03
by lightning while hit with chemicals. A bunch
21:07
of unnamed chemicals. That is canonically how
21:12
the Flash gets his powers, yes. Why is it always
21:15
chemicals though? Like the Joker, chemicals.
21:19
Like Clayface. Chemicals. Cosmetic chemicals.
21:23
Was it Two -Face also? Two -Face, probably chemicals.
21:27
yeah yeah that's a chemical chemical yeah the
21:30
flash chemicals two -faced didn't get powers
21:33
from his chemical burns he got the power of dual
21:37
thought people out but so They go to. Probability.
21:42
They go to the place. The power of probability.
21:44
The power of 50 -50. So he takes himself to the
21:51
place where the chemical room where he was struck
21:53
by lightning and kind of forces him. But they
21:56
both get struck by lightning and. It goes through
21:59
him. Young. Yeah. Young self gets powers and
22:03
old self. Doofy Berry has powers now. And old
22:05
self loses his powers. How how interesting is
22:09
it to get to watch a Flash movie where the Flash
22:12
for 70 percent of the film doesn't have his powers?
22:17
Well, a Flash has their right. Not a good Flash.
22:21
Yeah. Well, actually, that's the thing. So, like,
22:24
I hated Barry Allen and then I met Doofy Barry
22:26
Allen. I'm like, I kind of like that dipshit.
22:28
Like, he's such a moron. I fucking hated his
22:31
laugh. Oh, his laugh is terrible. Don't get me
22:34
wrong. But like that guy, at least I was like,
22:36
yeah. I was 18. I know what that's like. Barry's
22:40
just a rude dick. Yeah. Yeah. No, the characterization
22:43
of Barry in this sucks. Yeah. Yeah. To be fair,
22:46
his life kind of sucked. Fair enough. I mean,
22:50
and that's the thing is like maybe I would have
22:51
benefited from one knowing anything about the
22:54
Flash storyline or two having watched any of
22:57
the other DECU stuff that Flash was in. But like,
22:59
they'd fuck. No, they do address it in the script,
23:02
though, that he's a very unlikable human. Yeah.
23:05
Yeah. Well, also, They did with this what they
23:09
did with the fucking Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern
23:11
movies. Like we're going to take a character
23:14
who is largely fairly straight laced and just
23:17
turn him into kind of like a goofish jokester.
23:22
Like we're going to just try and make him quippy
23:24
rather than like an actual like character who
23:27
is for all intents and purposes, probably kind
23:29
of boring with just cool powers. Yeah, that's
23:33
fair. This isn't like this isn't my Barry Allen
23:36
or any Barry Allen I would care about. Like the
23:38
Flash TV show was had a solid two season run
23:42
before it got real bad. The 90s Flash was a lot
23:46
of fun. And again, just kind of like very straightforward,
23:49
straightforward fella with a cool muscle suit.
23:55
Yeah. Both versions of the Flash and Mark Hamill
23:58
is the trickster. Oh, interesting. Now, my favorite
24:03
moment in this movie is when Barry has lost his
24:05
powers and he attempts to run in that lobby.
24:07
He looks like a person who has never run ever,
24:12
ever, ever in life. And it's just like, do you
24:16
just wing your arms around? Is this how it goes?
24:19
My favorite. My favorite scene was the first
24:21
time I saw the suit. It was just like flaccid
24:30
corpse. Like a little mask suit popping out of
24:34
a ring. So the suit, when it comes into contact
24:39
with air, expands. So there are just like a bunch
24:42
of loose flash suits out there. It's not folded.
24:46
It's like a molecular expansion. So it's not
24:49
getting put back in the ring. Maybe the ring
24:51
has some kind of like... Dyson powers that just
24:55
suck it down. Now, here's a follow -up question.
24:57
In which case, I would like one of these rings
25:00
for reasons. For reasons. So, here's a question,
25:03
though. Like, he's got this ring that the suit
25:05
exists in and it's magic expando suit powers
25:08
or whatever, like you're talking about, Sean.
25:09
Where the fuck did the ring come from? His powers
25:11
came from chemicals and lightning. I wondered
25:13
the same thing. Where did he get the goddamn
25:15
ring? I'm assuming Batman, but they never explain
25:18
it. I thought the same thing. Wonder Woman compliments
25:21
his new suit. um that's true i know a lot of
25:24
people didn't like the um justice league suit
25:27
where it was like made out of like space age
25:28
polymers and actually looked like you know something
25:31
that you would shoot through the atmosphere i
25:33
thought that was pretty solid i thought that
25:35
like looked pretty good but i guess they needed
25:38
i like the expando ring i like the comic accurate
25:43
shit in it because i love the flash so i didn't
25:46
hate it but the suit's weird looking yeah Also,
25:50
apparently a young Barry Allen has a bigger dick
25:53
than an old Barry Allen. Apparently growing up
25:56
with a mom gives you a big old dick. I mean,
26:02
Barry's mom gave me a big old dick. Mom boners.
26:12
Getting back to the rubber mom of it all. Getting
26:15
back to the script. Where did we leave off? Where
26:19
do we? Yeah, we do. You made me watch this movie
26:23
and you made me come over here and talk about
26:24
it. We've got new Doofy Barry with with powers.
26:28
Yeah. He like burns the city down real quick.
26:31
And then they're like, fuck, we got to go find
26:33
Batman. I go find Batman. Yeah. But before that,
26:36
they hang out with Barry's roommates. Right.
26:38
Which was again, what's her name from Dairy Girls?
26:42
Right. How does how does Barry realize that the
26:46
timeline's fucked? a tattoo on the calf of some
26:53
guy in whitey tighties yeah they just keep talking
26:55
about uh back to the future eric stoltz yeah
26:59
eric stoltz marty mcfly it's like it's like eric
27:04
stoltz was art back to the future how do you
27:05
explain marty mcthigh like because it's a tattoo
27:10
of eric stoltz marty mcfly on dude's calf And
27:14
it's upside down. That was my favorite joke in
27:18
the movie. Yeah, but the way he makes it right
27:20
side up is so good. It's very good. Right. So
27:24
then they go find Batman and Batman is now Michael
27:29
Keaton, which was real scrubby. Yeah, kind of
27:32
hot, though. He's got like some real Lebowski
27:35
energy going. I thought I thought that was a
27:38
great script choice. It was like he was just
27:40
like an angry, retired Batman. Just like he did
27:44
the same voice that he used in Beetlejuice. He's
27:48
just like, yeah, I don't know, kid. And it was
27:51
I loved I loved Michael Keaton in this movie.
27:54
It's one of the few things I really enjoyed about
27:58
it. Absolutely. I really appreciate there's a
28:00
sequence where Barry is trying to like. google
28:02
like the justice league trying to like track
28:04
down aquaman track down wonder woman seeing if
28:07
he can like google anyone and like none of the
28:08
heroes exist in this world and he's like oh if
28:11
i can only talk to batman and then everyone in
28:12
the room just goes i'm batman yeah i thought
28:16
that was so batman exists and he still has the
28:19
same shtick some things are universal you know
28:25
yeah so then dead michael keaton was able to
28:28
explain how timelines work and where they overlap
28:32
and what it all means etc spaghetti yeah with
28:34
spaghetti that he happened to be cooking anyway
28:37
right convenient breakfast spaghetti it was a
28:40
breakfast for one lonely old man i understand
28:43
it you have breakfast spaghetti but i would like
28:45
it's it just seems rather convenient i would
28:48
have preferred it if he was like trying to explain
28:50
the timeline to barry and he's like you know
28:51
what this will work better with spaghetti and
28:53
then he actually makes spaghetti yeah did they
28:56
address why there's no alfred i'm assuming he's
28:58
just well he died uh i'm assuming he's just dead
29:02
yeah i was gonna say did he die in the old yeah
29:06
so right yeah and alfred's canonically older
29:09
his alfred was very old and that was the thing
29:12
with um batman and robin was like alfred was
29:17
dying and like that's why alicia silverstone
29:20
got brought in to like oh that's right start
29:22
butlin and and and then put on those chris o'donnell's
29:26
badass laundry oh man i fucking love batman and
29:31
robin that's such a good one batman and robin
29:34
and batman forever those are my batmans those
29:36
are really quality fuck all other batmans i have
29:41
never watched all of that and i'm robin every
29:43
time i start watching it i'm like no that's one
29:46
of those early movies in my like in my life where
29:48
i was just like wait people like people actually
29:52
take time to make bad films you have seen you
29:55
have seen the tough guy laundry scene though
29:57
right oh yeah i've seen batman forever i love
29:59
batman forever oh is that batman forever that
30:00
wasn't batman forever no because batman forever
30:03
is where he gets where he meets robin where bruce
30:06
wayne adopts a 26 year old man yeah that's how
30:09
it goes like you do Sometimes you just need a
30:13
new dad, man. Get a new daddy. We got to go faster
30:23
on this shit. Canonically in those Batman movies,
30:26
it is Alfred who makes those costumes. Yeah,
30:30
right. Alfred is responsible for the nipples
30:33
on the Batsuit and Robin's giant codpiece. Alfred
30:38
was just sitting there thinking, you know what
30:40
Bruce needs? nipples what would really strike
30:43
fear into the hearts of the criminals of gotham
30:46
a bat with nipples actually that is kind of terrifying
30:50
if you think about it you just had like big old
30:54
like erasers just sticking out and like you're
30:58
trying to fight him and like you punch it it's
31:00
just like the nipples and he grabs you and like
31:02
a nipple just across the face and it's like god
31:05
you fucking stop it Trying to have a serious
31:09
crime career. And you're making it mean nothing
31:14
with your stupid fucking bat nipples in my ears
31:17
and my eyes just poking me all over. Batman's
31:20
just doing this a lot. Put him on the glass,
31:24
Batman. Maybe the end of The Flash would have...
31:29
been quicker with the fight against generals.
31:31
They're getting more bat nipples. Yeah, which
31:34
is one of those nipples of worms its way through
31:36
Zod's little 4C mask. It's like, Earth sucks,
31:41
I'm leaving. I don't need this planet. Everyone's
31:44
got big fake nipples on them. so yeah we finally
31:48
get to batman who doesn't want to help because
31:51
oh sean doesn't want to talk about bat nipples
31:54
for once his so also his reasoning for no his
31:58
reasoning for no longer batmanning is gotham
32:01
safe like gotham's the safest city in america
32:03
there's no need for a batman so he's not even
32:05
an embittered old batman he's just like comfortably
32:08
retired so the reason for like why the timeline
32:12
is completely different even though it's just
32:14
barry's mom and why batman is older an older
32:18
man now is because when you affect the time stream
32:21
it doesn't just make a branch it just completely
32:24
spaghettifies the universe so you're fucking
32:26
with both the past and the future yeah which
32:31
is some real comic book logic and then you get
32:33
the spaghetti multiverse yep so they have to
32:36
save superman the spaghetti but first they have
32:40
but first they break into the bat weapons vault
32:43
is that that's part of that's part of like the
32:47
in the flash universe like he he can yeah he
32:49
can phase vibrate through things he can vibrate
32:52
his molecules at a speed that is like that can
32:54
go between other molecules the flash has all
32:57
the powers i did i mean that is that is actually
32:59
pretty fucking tight um i did like when he first
33:02
uses that skill to go like get beer for iris
33:06
oh yeah he cracks it and the beer just explodes
33:08
everywhere it's like oh right you hyper vibrated
33:12
that beer yep classic Oh, we did miss the reason
33:16
he's going to get Batman is because Zod has invaded.
33:20
Right. Oh, yeah. Zod's back. Oh, yeah. He's trying
33:23
to. Because previously killed in a Superman.
33:24
Which, yeah, because that was the original Man
33:26
of Steel, which started off this universe. And
33:29
they don't really bother to set it up. This movie
33:31
makes no sense if you haven't actually watched
33:33
these films. Yeah. Does not in any way stand
33:37
up as a like standalone solo movie. I'm unlikely
33:40
to put. the entire library together for myself.
33:44
So I will never watch one of them. Yeah, I did.
33:48
Like when Wonder Woman was there and she used
33:50
her Lariat of Truth and Barry was like, I know
33:52
what sex is, but I've never had it. Yeah, it's
33:55
like we know, buddy. I had I didn't know what
33:58
the Lariat of Truth was. So when they just started
34:00
talking, I was like, well, what the fuck is this?
34:03
I do appreciate like when she like she's like,
34:07
she tells Batman good job. He's like, I'm too
34:10
proud to admit that I needed help. what yeah
34:13
yeah he's like if i really just like why are
34:17
you going on like if i would have just like if
34:19
i really wanted to like solve crime i'd like
34:21
solve poverty and just give away all my money
34:23
but i won't because i'm a millionaire fuck thank
34:27
god i'm out of that lariat it's like i am like
34:30
i have parental issues and the criminal's like
34:32
i do too this is this is the point right in the
34:36
movie Which Bruce Wayne decides to take the berries
34:39
to Russia. Correct. Yeah, because in this version,
34:43
Superman never crash landed in Kansas and was
34:46
intercepted. So Superman's cousin, Kara, landed
34:51
in Russia, apparently. Yeah. And then got put
34:54
into some sort of magic cage. Oh, because there's
34:57
no sun. Yeah. They get power from the yellow
34:59
sun. Right. I... Just remembered seeing a review
35:04
of that scene where they break her out and it's
35:07
like no Russian accent. You speak in an American
35:11
accent. Well, all the Kryptonians spoke English,
35:14
but also actually in the community college. They
35:22
did a summer abroad in Toledo. Since this movie
35:27
requires you to actually have watched these films.
35:30
for this story to make any sense um it's not
35:32
the yellow sun in the snyder universe it it's
35:35
partially the yellow sun but it's also they establish
35:37
uh the gravity on earth compared to krypton is
35:40
less um that the oxygen is um denser or lighter
35:45
either way it's like it's the atmosphere that
35:48
gives uh her her powers and existing on earth
35:50
should be what gives her powers not just the
35:52
yellow sun so she should have already been kicking
35:53
ass and taking names from the jump Also, the
35:57
Kryptonians should have been able to do all that
35:58
shit because they didn't get their powers till
35:59
they took off their breathing apparatuses and
36:01
they all had them on there because they needed
36:03
to like cover up the shitty CG of Michael Shannon's
36:06
face. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's very
36:11
little that makes the Kryptonian power set make
36:14
sense. It's like, why can he travel to space
36:17
then? Why can they go to other planets and soup
36:20
up? It's like, I don't know. Supergirl, the new
36:23
Supergirl kind of talks about that a bit. I have
36:26
not had a chance to see that yet. I do want to,
36:28
but it's pretty good. I really liked it. I feel
36:31
like it's enjoyable and I feel like it got kind
36:34
of shit on. Well, anytime there's a female lead
36:37
movie, it's going to get shit on. I mean, if
36:39
they would just smile on the poster. That's true.
36:44
It does help. You're going to keep that in, right?
36:46
I am actually going to keep that in. I mean,
36:47
it's true. That's the discourse. Everyone's all
36:50
fucking pissy about it. Everybody bitches. It's
36:52
like, why can't they just smile? Why are they
36:53
so serious? If you just had a grinning Superman,
36:56
you'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, right. Is
36:59
that a sociopath? What is that? I feel like it's
37:04
worth pointing out at this point in the film.
37:06
We're about halfway through the film at this
37:08
point when they get to Supergirl. And it is.
37:12
at this point there are like nobody is a character
37:16
no everyone's just kind of like exists in this
37:19
world to push like the plot forward but that
37:22
nobody except for like maybe barry nobody has
37:24
an arc they're like we don't have a central villain
37:27
for this film like zod's there but he's more
37:30
just there as like a threat but like there's
37:33
no antagonist in this movie The main villain
37:37
from my point of view, from my point of view,
37:40
is... The Jedi? The Jedi were the villains all
37:44
along? Yeah. The Snyderverse. Yeah. Zack Snyder
37:51
was really the main antagonist for me when I
37:54
watched this. And slow motion. Slow motion for
37:56
sure. I also really didn't like that barista
37:59
who was a dick. Yeah, if he had just made that
38:03
sandwich faster. Just a little bit. I thought
38:05
about that at the at the end of the movie, Sean,
38:07
that the whole arc of the story was basically
38:11
just that the Flash can time travel. Yeah, but
38:15
and then just other stuff happened. But like
38:18
that. So we have Batman there. We have Michael
38:20
Keaton as Batman for the first time in 20 plus
38:22
years. And he is literally just there to be there,
38:25
ride and like say lines from the old Batman movie.
38:30
He does kick some ass, some Russian ass. But
38:33
again, he's not a character. He doesn't have
38:36
an arc. Nobody in this film is a character. They
38:40
introduce Kara Zor -El, and she shows up, and
38:42
I was sent here to watch after my cousin Kal
38:46
-El. End of character development. Yeah, but
38:50
he never made it. My cousin died. Now I'm angry
38:53
version. That's the arc. I can't imagine why
38:57
they canceled her solo. And even the huge fight
39:01
scene to end it all. It was like they necessarily
39:04
had to lose. There's no. And then then they go
39:07
back to their own timelines. And then George
39:12
Clooney is Batman. So we're not in the same time.
39:14
It's just. Right. I did appreciate that. We'll
39:18
touch. We'll touch that one in a little bit.
39:20
But like, OK, so I wouldn't. Gross. So they rescue
39:27
Supergirl, I guess. Supergirl, right? And she
39:31
seems like badass, but also weak, like often
39:35
needs to take a little break. Yeah, I don't know.
39:37
It's a it's a weird thing to have in that time.
39:42
Nope. Of the movie. She needs a break. Maybe
39:46
they should have put an intermission in this
39:47
long fucking movie. They should have. So. They
39:51
try and get Barry his powers back by zapping
39:53
him with fucking lightning and chemicals. Oh,
39:55
yeah. Yeah, right. Let's just use chemicals.
39:59
Catholic spritzer throws some chemicals on you
40:02
and then we'll hit you with lightning. Like this
40:05
is Frankenstein. So the original Flashpoint Paradox
40:08
comic, Barry gets back to his own time in the
40:11
world's all fucked. The actual plot of the comic
40:14
is the Amazonians and the Atlanteans are going
40:17
to war and it's going to like wipe out. everyone
40:20
on earth so like barry teams up with um thomas
40:23
wayne batman but there's a point that thing where
40:26
he's just like we need to get a bunch of chemicals
40:28
and get a big old lightning rod and shock me
40:30
to get me my powers back I mean, the thing that
40:33
just boggles my mind about this is, like, this
40:35
loose chemicals concept. Yeah, right? Does he
40:39
know the chemicals? Did he know them? Does he
40:41
know the exact measurements of them all? Which
40:44
ones hit him where? Because in the lab, they're
40:47
in, like, fucking beakers. In Batman's lab, they're
40:50
in, like, the big, like, they look like buzzball
40:52
biggies. Like, I don't even know. I don't know
40:55
any of this. A buzzball biggie will get you moving
40:57
pretty quick. It will, it will. And why did they
40:59
have to? lock him in like it was an electric
41:02
oh yeah he's all manacled onto it and then the
41:07
super i did love the super dramatic scene though
41:09
where it didn't work And so Supergirl, like,
41:13
unclips him from the electric chair and just
41:16
takes him up into the sky. To electrocute him
41:18
again. To electrocute him a bunch. But she didn't
41:20
have any chemicals. Yeah. The chemicals were
41:23
the chemicals inside of us. Yeah, they banged.
41:29
Sky banged. Oh, God. Okay, so he gets his powers
41:32
back. Then they go and fight Zod. Yeah, but,
41:35
oh, it's, yes, they go and fight Zod. But before
41:38
we get to that. I need to know. I wasn't able
41:41
to, with the copy you sent me, I wasn't able
41:44
to put closed captioning on. So when he builds.
41:48
The copy I sent you, don't worry about that.
41:51
The DVD that had subtitles. So how do we differentiate
41:59
between Old Barry, Young Barry? 2013 Barry and
42:03
Dick Barry. Okay, so when freshman Barry. Baby
42:08
Barry. He built his he built his flash suit out
42:12
of a Batman suit and then was like, ask Dick
42:15
Berry. What do you think? And I think he said
42:17
it. It beefs. Yeah. Because earlier, 2013, Berry
42:23
had said it beefs about something. And older
42:26
Dick Berry was like. He just keeps saying Dick
42:31
Berry. I can say it as many times as I need to,
42:34
Nick. Older Dick Berry is like... Beefs? Beefs?
42:42
I was... Beef! Beef! just you need to splice
42:50
it every time one of us says beep you need to
42:52
splice in daryl this is the closest i've gotten
42:56
nick to laughing like me at that fucking mom
42:58
and dad episode this is the combos conversation
43:01
oh my god um so i was like why because i'm so
43:08
having again not seen this movie before i've
43:10
only seen like stills of the bat berry suit and
43:14
i was always like why did he like they're under
43:16
time pressure why is he like painting the bat
43:19
suit to look like this it doesn't matter but
43:20
then you realize it's what i realized it was
43:23
like freshman berry i'm just like yeah he's a
43:28
he's a he's a goofus he would he would want to
43:30
be on brand I did kind of laugh, though, when
43:33
it's like him whipping, you know, zipping around,
43:35
paint everything. And then all of a sudden it's
43:37
just like slow -mo, like cutting the little ears
43:39
off the bad cowl. I also do love when they're
43:43
in the jet talking to each other, getting ready
43:45
to run. And he turns his head. And his head just
43:50
turns in the cowl. It doesn't turn. It's just
43:56
that stupid face. there were some moments that
44:03
did make me laugh in this movie yeah i definitely
44:05
had some funny times but i mean this movie has
44:08
i will say okay i do want to say we're bagging
44:10
on this movie i do want to say there is this
44:13
movie does have its moments it does have some
44:15
solid jokes it does have some charm to it um
44:18
after having watched it i am so this same director
44:22
is supposed to be handling the next batman movie
44:25
outside of the batman but for like james guns
44:28
um interesting dcu which as a direct like in
44:32
terms of like action comedy and just like general
44:37
ability to like script script aside scripts terrible
44:42
but like the director's ability to like frame
44:45
action and like have entertaining interactions
44:49
and characters especially given again an amazing
44:53
bat sequence with uh ben affleck like gaining
44:58
behind cars and like doing some like comic accurate
45:02
batman stuff i don't hate the idea as long as
45:05
he's not writing the script yeah no i could see
45:08
how this director teamed up with james gunn could
45:12
make something fun and enjoyable uh one of the
45:17
things i had to point out to josie was like this
45:20
the soundtrack for this movie fucking sucks i
45:26
couldn't even tell you a single thing about it
45:28
other than 25 or six to four yeah it is an hour
45:32
and a half of just like bland score uh before
45:37
you get a modern song it's like was it the raconteurs
45:41
he uh during like the fight yeah it was like
45:44
a raconteur there was something uh jack whitish
45:46
uh or well it was a jack white song but uh Why
45:52
didn't we have something like that in like the
45:55
hospital dropping scene? That perfect place to
45:59
add in a modern, fun song. And that's a James
46:01
Gunn element that will improve. It just kind
46:04
of needs that collaboration, I feel like. But
46:06
an hour and a half for boring ass score like
46:10
this was just scored. through like exciting things
46:15
and it's like the score sucks and the only time
46:17
the score even like vaguely hit me was when it
46:20
was the fucking danny elf yeah exactly and it's
46:24
danny elfman right and if it wasn't exactly his
46:26
it was the tribute to yeah you know yeah i i
46:29
agree with you it's like those are the big misses
46:31
on this thing it's like it just doesn't have
46:33
any fucking heart yeah yeah But I can see through
46:38
the director. Yeah, let's let's get let's get
46:40
to the end of this fucking movie. And then we
46:42
can talk because like part of it, you know, talking
46:44
about script is because this thing has been in
46:46
it was in production forever. Right. It got covid
46:48
fucked. It got Ezra Miller fucked. Like everything
46:51
about it was sort of cursed. So we can we'll
46:53
hit on that at the end. But they fight Zod and
46:57
suck and lose. Everybody lose every time until
47:02
Barry kind of realizes like, oh, this is an inevitable.
47:06
event and so like we're always gonna lose we
47:09
have to stop we have to like we can't do this
47:11
i have to unfuck the fucking they lose and go
47:14
back in time and lose and go back in time and
47:16
lose and go back in time i have to unfuck my
47:20
mom because like young barry yeah young barry
47:26
keeps going over and over again and then at the
47:29
two hour mark at the two hour mark we are introduced
47:33
to the actual villain of the piece the guy who
47:35
knocked barry out of the chronosphere in the
47:37
first place which is spiky barry which is spiky
47:41
barry which is young which is freshman barry
47:44
who's been doing this so long that he's now an
47:46
old man this is one of those things about time
47:50
time stories that just always drives me crazy
47:52
and like i hate it and i know that's how it has
47:55
to be but it's like time barry spiky barry had
47:58
to punch dick barry out of the chronosphere so
48:02
he could create 2013 doofus berry powerful berry
48:07
yeah and then because otherwise he doesn't exist
48:10
so like it's oh god it just it makes me so annoyed
48:13
everything about it appreciate i do appreciate
48:15
though that the movie actually acknowledges that
48:19
because spiky berry is just like it's the paradox
48:21
is like i created you to create so you could
48:25
create me to create me so right the only way
48:29
to stop this is for you to stop off for to like
48:32
go back and like undo everything but i don't
48:36
want you to You gotta unfuck your mom, Barry.
48:40
The actor that played old Spiky Barry. Please
48:46
continue. The actor that played old Spiky Barry.
48:51
I wasn't trying to make a joke. I just realized
48:55
how funny it is to say old Spiky Barry. Can it
48:59
be Dick Barry and Dingleberry? Do we know? I
49:03
felt like I recognized it was like Billy. i couldn't
49:08
figure out who it was and he's not credited as
49:10
anybody so then i'm like did they age makeup
49:12
fucking it's probably just all more cg everything
49:16
in this movie is just fucking cg and it all looks
49:19
bad oh my god so i do want to talk about the
49:23
bad cg because uh uh the director to defend how
49:27
awful the cg looked he just tried he tried to
49:30
say that it was intentional because that's how
49:31
things would be look at moving at that speed
49:34
Oh, shut the fuck up. It was dumb. $200 million
49:39
budget and it all just sweeps Ezra Miller's bullshit
49:43
under the rug to make the movie. That's such
49:47
a dumbass thing. Well, if you guys could run
49:49
this fucking fast, you'd know what it looks like.
49:51
Yeah, the whole time, the whole movie, I thought
49:54
this would be really fun if this was made with
49:58
2006 Jake Long. Yeah! yeah all right right i
50:07
mean i'd enjoy it more let's let's get to the
50:12
end we're finally at the point we're finally
50:15
at the point of this movie uh that actually has
50:16
anything to do with this fucking podcast yeah
50:19
right so the multiverse is collapsing the the
50:24
the crunching the crunching of the spheres right
50:28
yeah apparently uh all the um alternate timelines
50:32
are different like giant zoetropes why didn't
50:36
they make it spaghetti like right fucking make
50:38
it long tubes seriously i when when that scene
50:43
was happening i my first thought was that they
50:47
were collapsing the solar system and that planets
50:51
were coming in and i had no idea what the universe's
50:54
timelines whatever it would be cool if everything
50:57
was presented in like a mobile for a very stupid
51:00
child brain exactly and me at this point yeah
51:03
uh but yeah sean so you're right so you've got
51:05
these zoetropes like colliding into each other
51:07
and you get this montage of cgi characters from
51:12
dc cgi and it's so bad and like i know it's meant
51:16
to honor but we get christopher reeves and super
51:20
we get christopher's uh superman and the supergirl
51:23
from that universe um which we don't remember
51:27
obviously we absolutely ignore that henry cavill
51:30
was superman ever right oh well okay i think
51:34
they give him like a silhouette or whatever but
51:37
you see you see him flying around when um alfred
51:39
says that superman's solving a volcano thing
51:42
yeah um oh that's right right i hope he had his
51:46
mustache yeah oh yeah um we get a saw we get
51:50
uh adam west batman uh universe uh we get the
51:54
original tv superman i remember there was a bit
51:57
of like a to -do with that too because that actor
52:00
was like deeply unhappy hated the character and
52:02
uh was dean in this no uh the original, like,
52:07
serial Superman from, like, the 40s, hated the
52:11
role, so was recreated in CG to honor Superman,
52:14
but the actor actively hated the role and famously
52:17
shot himself in the face. Not very Superman of
52:22
him. This movie wouldn't have been worse with
52:25
Dean Cain. Oh, God, that's the weirdest critique
52:28
of this that is accurate. Dean Cain, a total
52:35
piece of shit, would not have made this movie
52:37
worse. He got fired from the CW Cain. Yeah, exactly.
52:45
All right. Let's let's wrap up how this script.
52:48
Well, OK, so this is the whole thing that you
52:50
see. Nick Cage is Superman. It's his like it's
52:53
the Tim Burton, Tim Burton, weird power suit
52:55
that he has where he's got all these muscles,
52:57
which really he doesn't. And sweet hair and like
53:00
it's wild that they were going to have him have
53:02
that hair. sternum bush superman i still don't
53:05
understand sean what yeah the the sternum bush
53:08
peeking out of the superman suit is just why
53:11
is it cut just low enough like that's so weird
53:15
and what did what did he fight like a giant spider
53:18
like a an animatronic spider yes yes i think
53:22
it was demon spider here's the thing the producer
53:24
of superman lives which was going to be the nick
53:27
cage of man directed by we're going to talk about
53:29
this next next i know but just for context i
53:31
mean But the whole premise was the producer had
53:36
a huge hard -on for giant robot spiders. So Kevin
53:38
Smith wrote Superman Lives. Oh, this is the Wild
53:41
West guy, isn't it? It is the Wild Wild West.
53:43
Yeah, I was wondering about that. So Kevin Smith
53:45
wrote Superman Lives and was forced to put in
53:48
a giant robot spider because this producer had
53:50
a fucking mad -on for giant robot spiders. This
53:53
movie fell through, and then he was producing
53:56
another film starring... will smith and he's
53:59
like put a giant robot spider in that and they're
54:01
like this is a western he's like i don't give
54:02
a fuck put a giant robot spider in it and that's
54:06
where there's a giant robot steampunk spider
54:09
in wild wild west yep all right because superman
54:12
lives uh failed yeah and we'll talk more about
54:16
that soon yeah i can't wait to hear about the
54:18
hair and hopefully a reason for the hair there's
54:20
gonna be so much that we're gonna dive into kevin
54:23
smith uh used to always tell that story at conventions
54:25
so like i've heard it a couple times okay i can't
54:29
wait this will be fun i mean that had to have
54:31
been a wig in those like screen tests that wasn't
54:33
nick cage's hair so yeah that's what superman
54:36
was gonna look like this was the era of mullet
54:38
superman though so yeah fair enough like legitimately
54:42
like superman had a mullet yeah oh yeah uh superman
54:46
had a mullet and um and clark kent had a ponytail
54:49
i kind of remember ponytail yeah So, yeah, Cage,
54:54
when interviewed about this, there are two things
54:57
that I thought were interesting. So the first
54:59
one, he said, well, I was glad I didn't blink
55:01
because it was incredibly fast. You barely know
55:05
it's him in there until they kind of he blasts
55:07
the spider. And then it's sort of this like majestic
55:10
rising up sort of a thing. But then this is the
55:15
one that I thought was really weird. He said,
55:16
if you really wanted to know what I was going
55:18
to do with that character, look at my performance
55:20
in City of Angels. Hmm. It was like, what? I
55:24
was supposed to play Clark Kent after that in
55:26
Superman Lives, and I was already developing
55:28
that alien otherness playing this angel. That's
55:31
the perfect example of tonality you would have
55:33
gotten for Kal -El. It's like, okay, what? Well,
55:36
when interviewed about this years later, Tim
55:39
Burton was interviewed by Howard Stern, and Howard
55:42
Stern was like, you're going to have Nick Cage
55:43
play Superman. It's like, why Nick Cage? And
55:45
Tim Burton's answer is like, because the man's
55:48
a fucking alien. So they were going to go weird
55:51
with it. like that was the point i mean it makes
55:54
sense to me i shared a photo of but mulleted
55:57
superman in the chat it's good yeah yeah we were
56:00
just looking at it okay yeah so all right you
56:04
see all these universes colliding timelines colliding
56:06
and then barry okay dingleberry Dingleberry and
56:13
Dickberry. Nick, that's the funniest thing you've
56:17
said in four years. It was a good one. Dingleberry
56:19
is such a good joke. I'm so glad that we had
56:22
such low -hanging fruit for me to just latch
56:24
on to. So Dingleberry and Dickberry fight each
56:28
other, and then Teen Doofusberry kind of gets
56:33
in the way, but then also somehow lets himself
56:35
get killed. And then he dies, which then makes...
56:41
dingleberry disintegrate which i've always thought
56:44
was a weird thing like wouldn't you just blip
56:46
out of existence like why would you final fantasy
56:49
like you know it doesn't make any sense so anyway
56:52
he disappears berry dickberry gets back to fix
56:56
the original timeline but still changes it a
57:00
little after he has a really creepy hug with
57:02
his mom as a stranger in a grocery store crying
57:05
and wearing clothes that still have all the tags
57:07
on them that she never questions it actually
57:10
took me a minute to be like how could she not
57:12
recognize him because it's like oh right because
57:14
her version of him he's seven still a child yeah
57:17
and i i'm not i'm not ashamed to admit this scene
57:20
as bad and dumb as it is if i could hug my mom
57:25
again as someone who had it as someone whose
57:27
mom died when i was a child that scene actually
57:29
got me because i'm like yeah that would that
57:31
would be fucking rad to be able to hug my mom
57:33
again That's fair. It's a bad scene. So this
57:37
is very personal. But it's still it's still it
57:39
hits the emotion for certain people. Right. And,
57:42
you know, I get like we be watching fucking Finding
57:45
Nemo. But, you know, for some reason, that one
57:47
didn't do it for me as much, but mostly because
57:49
I just don't like Barry Allen in this movie.
57:52
I just I'm like, fuck that guy. Yeah. So anyway,
57:55
you did this, Barry. Yeah. He puts the fucking
57:57
tomato sauce on the top shelf. So. uses the speed
58:02
force to like rearrange a grocery shelf whole
58:05
grocery shelf and the asshole somebody gets paid
58:08
for that again it goes to where his power is
58:09
so where his powers are so inconsistent because
58:13
he can either run faster than people can see
58:16
or he can't yeah so like when his mom goes to
58:20
like kind of touch his cheek he activates the
58:23
speed force and then like can like slowly move
58:26
around her say his goodbyes put the can back
58:29
like i know what's happening in like a millionth
58:31
of a second but it's just like also everything's
58:34
electrocuted whenever he like uses the power
58:36
right oh yeah he doesn't have a suit on so how
58:39
is he discharging all of this energy oh sick
58:43
Fucking lightning whack. So I will say. Busting
58:49
bolts all over the place. Busting bolts. At the
58:57
beginning of the film, like Bruce gets gets very
59:01
like footage of. the grocery store but he never
59:06
looks up at the camera because the tomatoes are
59:08
on the bottom shelf so barry put them on the
59:10
top shelf but it doesn't fuck with the timeline
59:13
because they did establish that the footage was
59:15
corrupted and it was wayne tech that cleaned
59:17
it up that's right that's right the timeline
59:19
of the dad being in jail it didn't change anything
59:22
until barry's present day that's how they get
59:27
around it mostly there's one because then they
59:30
have the george clooney of it all where it ends
59:32
with you know him getting a call from fucking
59:34
his buddy bruce wayne and then it's george clooney
59:37
who shows up and he says who the fuck are you
59:38
yeah i appreciate i did appreciate that but and
59:42
that's it and that's the end of the movie i always
59:44
took that at the time i just took that as very
59:46
much of a like they knew ezra miller was done
59:50
and they're like how do we kind of like keep
59:54
going on with our universe without a flash or
59:56
recast a flash is uh ezra miller fucks with a
59:59
timeline where he's now trapped in the george
1:00:01
clooney universe okay yeah and then the real
1:00:03
trick of it all was that you have zach snyder
1:00:05
in charge of everything and the way you can blank
1:00:07
it all and start fresh is you just don't use
1:00:09
him as your main creative lead and you start
1:00:12
over with everything yeah Spaghetti. Mom's spaghetti.
1:00:17
Before we move on to other things, did anybody
1:00:20
get all the way through the credits and see the
1:00:24
end scene? Never. There was an end scene. There
1:00:27
was an end scene. What was it? Bus bolts? Jason
1:00:31
Momoa as Aquaman, but except they're just like
1:00:35
out on the street, is fucking wasted. And Barry's
1:00:38
trying to explain a multiverse to him. And he
1:00:40
just like passes out in a puddle face down and
1:00:43
was like, I live here now. okay i might go watch
1:00:46
that okay how do you guys usually wrap this up
1:00:51
quotes and me bitching about some things so actually
1:00:53
yeah i mean because we are actually running a
1:00:55
little low on time um let's let's do a couple
1:00:58
quotes from it i already said my quote uh how
1:01:00
do you explain uh marty mcthigh um i have well
1:01:04
i already i already dressed it beefs um in the
1:01:09
opening scene When he sees all the babies fall
1:01:12
out the window and Alfred's like, hey, there's
1:01:15
a baby. And then it cuts to Barry and he's looking
1:01:20
up and there's like nine babies and he goes,
1:01:22
shower. And I have I have one more very quickly
1:01:29
when when they decide after he'd been electrocuted
1:01:33
35 times, sometimes with chemicals, sometimes
1:01:35
not. but sometimes wet sometimes dry um we got
1:01:41
to get wet to stay wet man prevailing wisdom
1:01:45
that's when supergirl and and the berries are
1:01:50
like we're gonna go do this we're gonna go fight
1:01:52
zod she's like i'll fight zod and then michael
1:01:55
keaton shows up in a full batman suit and is
1:01:58
like and he's like, are you going to go with
1:02:02
us? And Michael Keaton's already in a Batman
1:02:04
suit. And then he does it. I'm not going to do
1:02:08
it great, but I'm going to try my very best to
1:02:10
do the way he talks like he's in Beetlejuice.
1:02:14
And he said, you want to get nuts? Let's get
1:02:18
nuts. Yeah, the let's get nuts really got ourselves.
1:02:23
Again, his whole role in this movie was just
1:02:26
to quote lines from Batman 89. Yeah. yeah absolutely
1:02:30
no i don't i don't have any particular like uh
1:02:33
moments in this movie i ever want to relive um
1:02:36
so i did not bother remembering any quotes from
1:02:41
this but like yes it it's dumb and there's things
1:02:45
that happen that are fun in the moment and i
1:02:47
hope to never think about it again okay i do
1:02:49
i do have a batman line i really love uh the
1:02:52
first time we see batman fight when they're in
1:02:54
the silo and the berries are like being uh are
1:02:58
at gunpoint with um all the russian operatives
1:03:02
uh batman's just at the top of the silo and just
1:03:04
like wings out and he just goes this is gonna
1:03:08
hurt So, Peter, do you have any Batman quotes
1:03:12
for this Flash movie on our Nicolas Cage podcast?
1:03:14
I don't. Sadly, I do. I do have one more, though.
1:03:20
OK, go. So the only other one that actually made
1:03:22
me like weirdly laugh was when Dick Barry is
1:03:26
at dinner with his non dead mom and dad. And
1:03:30
he's like house and spaghetti because, of course,
1:03:32
he is. And then he sees. dipshit barry like about
1:03:36
to cross the street and he just goes oh shit
1:03:39
i got a shit outside okay i have i i do have
1:03:46
one thing that really bothered me about this
1:03:48
and i'm gonna make you guys listen to it oh god
1:03:52
okay um i looked it up and in the canon the flash
1:03:57
uh runs at 13 trillion times the speed of light
1:04:01
which is 2 .5 quintillion miles per second, otherwise
1:04:05
known, 2 .5 followed by 18 zeros, which means
1:04:09
he's teleporting. It takes seven minutes for
1:04:12
light to travel from the sun to us, which I believe
1:04:14
is 93 million miles. But he got his powers because
1:04:18
he was struck by lightning. And maybe the chemicals
1:04:21
did some. The chemicals did it all. Because lightning
1:04:25
traveling down is 2000 times slower than the
1:04:28
speed of light. And traveling up from Earth is
1:04:31
one third the speed of light. So how do we get
1:04:35
to 13 trillion times the speed of light? And
1:04:37
if he can run that fast, I don't know what you
1:04:40
know about time relativity, but. if he's traveling
1:04:44
that fast like try not to get your facts wrong
1:04:46
because i'll correct if he's traveling that fast
1:04:49
everybody who's not traveling that fast is aging
1:04:51
incredibly rapidly relative to him oh man can
1:04:55
you imagine just looking at somebody and like
1:04:58
just watching a hair gray out on them so i've
1:05:03
been doing that with you guys for years like
1:05:05
so the idea that you can run so fast you could
1:05:08
travel back in time can't work because moving
1:05:11
that fast moves time relatively speaking, it
1:05:18
sort of speeds it up compared to you and moves
1:05:20
it forward faster. So what I'm saying is this
1:05:24
is not a relatable or believable character. Okay,
1:05:36
one second. I'm going to dust off the old nerd
1:05:39
gloves here. So technically, the lightning that
1:05:41
struck Barry was actually Barry Allen. Barry
1:05:46
struck Barry? Barry on Barry? Barry turned into
1:05:49
lightning to go back in time to strike himself
1:05:51
through the chemicals to get his powers. So it
1:05:54
actually has nothing to do with the chemicals.
1:05:55
It's all about the transference of powers. And
1:05:58
Nick has left the podcast. Oh, shit. I got to
1:06:01
shit. oh thanks for listening everybody uh thanks
1:06:07
bill and nathan and rico and are you trying to
1:06:12
do the guest list or the uh yeah good job sean
1:06:16
you got it you nailed everybody yeah um adam
1:06:20
thank you for being here thanks thanks for having
1:06:22
me again this thank you for joining the fisters
1:06:24
club we're really happy that you are here for
1:06:28
your fifth time uh thank you to our sparkle buddies
1:06:31
Josh, Josie, Matt, Adam, Bill, Stuart, and Willow.
1:06:34
And to our cage dancers, John, Freeman, Nathan,
1:06:36
and Cameron. And of course, to Bill Panks for
1:06:38
our music. Next week, we are doing The Death
1:06:41
of Superman Lives, which is going to be an interesting
1:06:43
one just in general because we touched on some
1:06:46
of the weird shit that went into that tied to
1:06:48
this. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I got
1:06:55
a shit, shit. I got a shit. Outside. Outside.
1:07:00
Perfect. Fantastic. Bye. Bye. An end stinger
1:07:12
is just a joke where it's not setting anything
1:07:14
up. It's just a dumb joke. Like I live here now.
1:07:17
The David Harbor Hellboy has a really good one
1:07:20
where it's just Hellboy like drinking at his
1:07:22
dad's grave and Lobster Johnson shows up and
1:07:25
tells him to like buck up and then just goes
1:07:27
through the Did you say Lobster Johnson? Yes,
1:07:31
I said Lobster Johnson. And Hellboy just goes,
1:07:33
I love you, Lobster Johnson. You should read
1:07:38
some Hellboy. Okay. Hellboy's fucking great.
1:07:41
Yeah, there's a ghost Nazi killer named Lobster
1:07:44
Johnson.