Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Friday feature - Anxiety & burnout

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Friday feature - Anxiety & burnout · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appoge production. Today's topic is all about slowing it down
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  Speaker 1: your nervous system and just calming the fuck down. And
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  Speaker 1: one of my favorite sayings you guys would have heard
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  Speaker 1: me say on my social media so many times is
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  Speaker 1: you must fill your own cup up so that you
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  Speaker 1: can overflow to those around you into what you care
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  Speaker 1: about and give everyone the best of you, not the
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  Speaker 1: rest of you. Love that if your cup is not full,
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  Speaker 1: you cannot overflow, and if you're depleted, you have nothing
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  Speaker 1: left to give to yourself, to your kids, to your partner.
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  Speaker 1: And that's why it's so important to consistently fill that
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  Speaker 1: up and not once a year go and get a massage. No,
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  Speaker 1: we're talking daily, every single day, do something. But I
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  Speaker 1: suppose we're going more into how to really create that
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  Speaker 1: calmness in your body and what happens when you.
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  Speaker 2: Don't as I feel like there's a lot of guilt
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  Speaker 2: around this, Like I feel like there's a lot of
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  Speaker 2: shame and guilt about Like I feel like we're so
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  Speaker 2: in an era where everyone's like, I'm a boss bitch,
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  Speaker 2: I can do this, I can do that, and then
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  Speaker 2: you fucking end up being anxiety riddled and you're like,
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  Speaker 2: how the fuck do I end up burnt out? How
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  Speaker 2: did I yeah, all burnt out? Like how did I
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  Speaker 2: end up here? And it's because people feel guilty for
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  Speaker 2: taking out a little bit of time or like sitting
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  Speaker 2: on the couch for half now to read, going for
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  Speaker 2: a half an hour walk on your own, Like I
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  Speaker 2: feel like there's a lot of guilt around it.
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  Speaker 1: Because of society and like social media. I know when
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  Speaker 1: I go to dance class, where I go on date night,
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  Speaker 1: there is always a comment in my DMS about it.
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  Speaker 1: How can you leave your kids behind? God, you have
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  Speaker 1: so much time for yourself, Like that must be nice.
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  Speaker 1: I don't get that, you know, and a lot of
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  Speaker 1: the time is projection. But I'm like, I make this
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  Speaker 1: a priority because I'm a better mom, I'm a better wife,
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  Speaker 1: I'm a better person when I take care of myself,
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  Speaker 1: Like it is not selfish for me to go to
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  Speaker 1: the gym. I've been called selfish that many times in
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  Speaker 1: the time I've been a parent to go to the gym.
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  Speaker 1: I like, this makes me a better mum. It's not
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  Speaker 1: selfish me to take care of myself. Plus, I'm showing
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  Speaker 1: my kids how important it is for them to put
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  Speaker 1: themselves first. I don't want them to grow up thinking
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  Speaker 1: that they can't look after themselves. They are so important.
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  Speaker 2: I was the anxiety ridden person. I struggle with such
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  Speaker 2: bad anxiety, and I never stopped. I was like sweet,
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  Speaker 2: like I feel like, I'm so busy, blah blah blah.
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  Speaker 2: What's the next thing. I'd finish and I'd finally be like,
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  Speaker 2: I've got a good balance, and then I'd throw something
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  Speaker 2: else in like I was the queen of doing that
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  Speaker 2: and just saying yes to everything and continually saying no
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  Speaker 2: to myself, and I'd get such bad anxiety. I'd get
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  Speaker 2: so burnt out. Yeah, I'd get sick all the time.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, your immune system. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: But I felt guilt around it. I felt like if
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  Speaker 2: I went to the gym when I should be working
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  Speaker 2: or I should be doing this, and maybe fear maybe
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  Speaker 2: it's guilt and fear, maybe fearful of like, oh, trying
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  Speaker 2: to make sure that I need to do this and
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  Speaker 2: I need to do that, and like what if I'd like,
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  Speaker 2: you know, I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: And of scarcely, like if you go to the gym,
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  Speaker 1: you could be putting that time into work.
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  Speaker 2: There's a lot of fear of like, fuck, I need
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  Speaker 2: to be spending my time doing this and you spending
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  Speaker 2: my time doing that. I've just slowed down so much,
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  Speaker 2: and I can't believe how much more peace you are
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  Speaker 2: with yourself of course, how much more you get to
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  Speaker 2: know yourself, how much the snappy I am, and like
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  Speaker 2: far out it's like the one point in my day
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  Speaker 2: that I just.
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  Speaker 1: So look forward to once again. It's like creating that space.
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  Speaker 1: When you stop and slow down, you create space to
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  Speaker 1: really connect with yourself and checking and make sure you
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  Speaker 1: are aligned and that you're not just keeping busy to
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  Speaker 1: numb out from something or to run away from something,
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  Speaker 1: because that's a coping mechanism a lot of people use.
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  Speaker 1: It's like, I'm so busy, busy, busy, And that's why
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  Speaker 1: I hate why there's like hustle, hustle, boss, bitch stuff.
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  Speaker 1: It's glamorized because it's like at what cost?
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  Speaker 2: And also like, of course it's going to be different
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  Speaker 2: from person to person, but there's no reason why somebody
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  Speaker 2: can't find five minutes to sit down and have a
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  Speaker 2: coffee outside on their own. You can wake it five
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  Speaker 2: minutes earlier before the kids wake up, or even tell them,
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  Speaker 2: like mummy's gonna go have a coffee outside. This is
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  Speaker 2: Mummy's me. Ti, I'm gonna be five minutes if you
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  Speaker 2: need me, like, I'm right here. Like yeah, you know,
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  Speaker 2: once they get a bit older, but even if it's
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  Speaker 2: five minutes out of your day, doesn't need to be
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  Speaker 2: like going to the gym, going for a walk, doing this,
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  Speaker 2: listen to a podcast, reading book. You have to do
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  Speaker 2: all of them, and not every day. Is like I'm
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  Speaker 2: sure you feel the same, not every day to feel
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  Speaker 2: with all of them, but it's prioritizing something in each day.
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  Speaker 1: It literally is just like finding those little pockets of
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  Speaker 1: time for you. Yeah, and you know we're going to
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  Speaker 1: go into the things that we do, but if you don't,
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  Speaker 1: it's gonna catch up on you.
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  Speaker 2: Goes back to that old saying that at what cost.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it will catch up on you. You will
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  Speaker 1: burn out, but you won't be able to think as clearly.
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  Speaker 1: You'll get brain foggy, you'll forget things, you'll get snappy,
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  Speaker 1: you won't be showing up as a person that you
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  Speaker 1: know you can be and that you want to be.
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  Speaker 1: You're so stretched.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's.
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  Speaker 1: Not goals, hashtag goals. It's not being a piece as goals.
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  Speaker 1: Living aligned is goals, like living from purpose and passion
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  Speaker 1: from a place of heart, not a place of fear
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  Speaker 1: is goals.
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  Speaker 2: And also it gives you space and time to actually
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  Speaker 2: lean into being like, oh, what do I like doing?
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  Speaker 2: Like even me pick up the guitar and singing. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I was like, fuck, I see this all the time.
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  Speaker 2: I've done it for years. And then I was like
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  Speaker 2: trying to figure out things to do that would like
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  Speaker 2: just for me. Yeah, And I was like, this is
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  Speaker 2: something when I go up there and I do like,
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  Speaker 2: this is just for me, and it's me connecting with me,
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  Speaker 2: and it's me doing something for me, and it's filling
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  Speaker 2: out my own cup and it's just finding like when
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  Speaker 2: you have this space to sit down and like journal
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  Speaker 2: do this, sometimes it can spark and it's just like
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  Speaker 2: a cycle, isn't it. Like you start one thing and
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  Speaker 2: then you're like, oh, I could do this if I
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  Speaker 2: get up you know, twenty minutes earlier, maybe I could
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  Speaker 2: do that.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it all.
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  Speaker 2: Makes up all these little decisions make up who you
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  Speaker 2: are and how.
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  Speaker 1: You show up and when you feel the difference of
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  Speaker 1: you putting in this work and implementing these things, it
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  Speaker 1: becomes addictive, Like I just know when I don't do
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  Speaker 1: those things that I'm not the mom I want to be.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not as patient, I'm not as fun like I
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  Speaker 1: snap way easier. If I'm not doing things that make
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  Speaker 1: me feel feminine and flowy and sexy, whatever, I'm not
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  Speaker 1: the partner that I want to be and that I
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  Speaker 1: know I can be. So it's our responsibility to do this.
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  Speaker 1: But let's talk about the things that we personally do. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: to fill up our own cup and to come our
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  Speaker 1: nervous system and get ourselves in a state of resting.
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  Speaker 1: What do you do personally?
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  Speaker 2: So for me, reading is just like number one. But
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  Speaker 2: I want to say, I feel like I had this
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  Speaker 2: thing with reading where I always felt like if I
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  Speaker 2: read a book it had to be a personal development. Yes,
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  Speaker 2: we've had this coma stuck in that cycle. And when
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  Speaker 2: I actually picked up a book and read a really
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  Speaker 2: good fiction that I loved, it made me fall in
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  Speaker 2: love with it in a totally different way. It feels
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  Speaker 2: like you're watching a TV series only that, but when
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  Speaker 2: you're reading, it's helping your knowledge expand in so many
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  Speaker 2: other ways. You get faster right at the more you
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  Speaker 2: do it, it's like another muscle that you've got. So
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  Speaker 2: reading has been right for me. I've loved it, and
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  Speaker 2: I probably prioritize around about an hour a day to read.
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  Speaker 2: But I've been getting up early. I've been getting up
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  Speaker 2: at like latest five point thirty, and then sometimes if
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  Speaker 2: I really want to read and I want to get
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  Speaker 2: heaps done, then I wait up like four forty five. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I just got a bed earlier. Yeah. And then another
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  Speaker 2: one for me has been well, I don't know if
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  Speaker 2: the gym necessarily slows my nervous system down, but it
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  Speaker 2: makes me feel fucking good. So that's another thing that
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  Speaker 2: I've been really enjoy doing, but I don't know if
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  Speaker 2: it necessarily slows me down. Music has been great. It's
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  Speaker 2: so funny though, because saying this music like a year ago,
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  Speaker 2: not even a eeogo six months ago, I'm Rebell was
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  Speaker 2: saying to everyone, I can't even listen to music because
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  Speaker 2: it makes me so sad like, and now it's like
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  Speaker 2: become that thing again that I'm really really loving and
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  Speaker 2: it's just the simple things. Honestly, for me, it's like
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  Speaker 2: when Miller and Lincoln and that were babies. Just having
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  Speaker 2: a coffee on my own, just waking up and having
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  Speaker 2: that five minutes of peace before they get up, or
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  Speaker 2: even just getting up before them and like having a
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  Speaker 2: share and doing their makeup before they wake up, so
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  Speaker 2: I can start my day off on the right foot,
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  Speaker 2: nice and slow. I'm not frazzled and rushed before my
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  Speaker 2: day even begins. Walking. Yeah, listening to podcasts yeah, and
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  Speaker 2: sometimes too, Like you can really find those good moments
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  Speaker 2: to saw your nervous system down, like when you're in
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  Speaker 2: the car, so you're doing two things at once. I
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  Speaker 2: listened to something that perks you up. Listen to a
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  Speaker 2: good podcast Shameless Place. Yeah, it's those little things that
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  Speaker 2: really make all the difference. So what is it for you.
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  Speaker 1: I've got quite a few different things that I like
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  Speaker 1: to do. Getting out of nature for me, really slows
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  Speaker 1: me down. And I love going to the beach, just
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  Speaker 1: like the sound of the waves, the smell of the ocean,
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  Speaker 1: the sand of my feet, just like grounding to earth,
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  Speaker 1: like to mother Nature. I just feel this like instant,
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  Speaker 1: I breathe again and I stop. So nature for me
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  Speaker 1: is big breath work, even if it's not like an
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  Speaker 1: intense breathwork session like Steve booked us a couple of
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  Speaker 1: breathwork the other day and it was amazing. It was
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  Speaker 1: forty five minutes long. But I'm just talking just getting
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  Speaker 1: up and taking ten big, slow, intentional breath. And however
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  Speaker 1: you start the day off, I feel like has an
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  Speaker 1: overflowed the rest of your day. So starting off with
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  Speaker 1: breath is just so calming, and I feel like I
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  Speaker 1: just go into the day so much calmer than what
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  Speaker 1: I would if I was to get on my phone
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  Speaker 1: and smash out my DMS or emails or read the
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: news or something like that. They ever read the news.
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  Speaker 1: Alone time for me where like very rare that it
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  Speaker 1: happens when no one else is in the house. But
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: when no one else is in the house, how fucking
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  Speaker 1: good is it? It actually never happens now Tyler's there obviously,
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  Speaker 1: But alone time where I'm not distracted by noise, I've
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  Speaker 1: really learned. I'm really sound sensitive me too. I get
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  Speaker 1: really anxious when there's a lot of people in my
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  Speaker 1: house lots of noise. Even Taj at the moment. He's
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  Speaker 1: love him to death, but he's a big energy. And
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  Speaker 1: sometimes I'm like, Taj, I need you to go down
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  Speaker 1: to a level two, like just let's just quieten down
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  Speaker 1: a little bit because he's so loud and yelling and
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: throwing his toys that this morning he's banging this plane
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  Speaker 1: and I was trying to have a conversation with Steve,
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  Speaker 1: and I just makes me really anxious, like I need
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  Speaker 1: to some more chill sounds. So music's really big for
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  Speaker 1: me as well, Like there's a time and place for
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  Speaker 1: all different types of music, like if I want to
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  Speaker 1: get pumped up or if I want to relax. But
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: sometimes I've got one of those little Google boxes to
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: be like hey Google, and you.
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  Speaker 2: Ask, yeah, relaxation music. Yeah, stuff like that. So nice,
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  Speaker 2: so good.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Oh.
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  Speaker 2: I love that journeling.
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  Speaker 1: We both love to love journaling. I also love, like
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: just coaching sessions with my coach Taylor. I feel like
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  Speaker 1: really calmed my nervous system because anything that I have
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  Speaker 1: been feeling is sitting there and I haven't known how
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  Speaker 1: to navigate through, or journaling hasn't quite hit the spot,
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  Speaker 1: or I'm struggling like to understand something. When we unpack
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  Speaker 1: that together, I walk away feeling like a weight sifted
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  Speaker 1: off my shoulders and that just really centers me and
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  Speaker 1: like makes it fool. So much calmer connection time too,
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  Speaker 1: with loved ones, when you're like not on your phones,
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  Speaker 1: you're like face to face, you're having quality time together.
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  Speaker 1: That's really really calming for me. Well,