Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / The Power of Emotional Regulation
Transcript
- Hi there, and welcome to the episode of Rise Up Live Joy Your Way, whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening. Thank you for taking some time to hang out here with me. And today I wanna dive into something that. I think is really important, which is emotional regulation. I think, uh, in any realm, in any role we're playing emotional regulation is important. I have noticed this as a parent. Really learning about emotional regulation is important. I've noticed it in the workplace. And then of course with other family members and with friends. This is something even with our own selves, that it's, it's an [00:01:00] important topic and so I wanna just. Really dive into what is emotional regulation and how can you under, how can understanding it better help you? So first, let's talk about what I mean by emotional regulation. I. If I put it in the most simplest terms, it's your ability to manage your own emotional reactions in an intentional way. So notice, I'm not saying control your emotional reactions, it's about managing them. 'cause we have all experienced emotional reactivity. Those are those moments when something small triggers maybe a, a really strong response. It could be something big that triggers an a strong response, but. It's important to try to understand like why? Why does that even happen? And it's often because our nervous system interprets whatever the situation is as a threat and it pushes us into fight, flight, or freeze mode. And what I mean by that is it pushes our nervous system into hyper arousal or hypo arousal. So if we're talking hyper arousal, that's that fight [00:02:00] or flight. Hypo arousal is when we are in that freezer fawn. But what happens is. There's a trigger and then our nervous system creates a response. And that's what I'm talking about when I'm talking about emotional dysregulation. And when we're talking about emotional regulation, it is about how can we handle that and manage it in a healthy way. So regulating our emotions, it, it can be challenging because we are prewired for survival. We are pre-wired for protection. So the strong emotional responses are actually serving an evolutionary purpose. Right? They in the past. Years ago, they alerted us to danger and they put us in a place of being able to survive. However, today, most of those emotional triggers that we're having are not because of life-threatening situations. Like for instance, we might be feeling criticized or rejected or misunderstood, and then those feelings create a huge response because there's a part of our nervous system that thinks that we are in survival mode when in fact if we're able to just. Understand what's going on. For us, reregulate, we recognize [00:03:00] that we don't actually have to fight at that moment. We just have to, it's an opportunity to work through whatever the challenge is that's in front of us. So what happens when we don't regulate these emotions effectively? I. Well, poor emotional regulation can have a really huge impact on our relationships. It can have an impact on our career success, and it can absolutely have an impact on our physical health. So when we don't learn how to manage and regulate our emotions, when we're talking about our relationships. We constantly act from an emotional standpoint. We stand to really whittle away at the the emotional safety that somebody else feels in that relationship. And I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. This can happen in parent-child relationships. It can happen in friendships, it can just happen in all sorts of familial relationships. But when we respond from that emotional perspective, and we're not. We're not regulating our emotions. We could say something or behave in a certain way that's gonna whittle away at that [00:04:00] emotional safety between you and the other person. And eventually it, it depletes it to the point where there that relationship. Really struggles for survival in terms of career success. We're constantly responding from that emotionally dysregulated place. I mean, that could be an issue with coworkers. It could be an issue with leadership, seeing that you could potentially be promoted because they don't feel like you're actually in a place to be able to handle more. And then when we think about our emotional or um, our physical health, when we're holding on to that higher level of stress or anxiety, it can. Absolutely take a toll on our physical health. I mean, blood pressure has an issue. We don't sleep as well. I know that many individuals end up suffering autoimmune issues because of chronic stress, and it's because they're not handling and working through and managing their emotions in a way so that their stress levels are decreased. So I wanna just talk about how, how can you. Move through this, or what are some tools that you could potentially use if you are [00:05:00] noticing that you're struggling with the emotional regulation, you're noticing that you're constantly tense, or you're in that dysregulated state. One thing that has been really helpful for me is breath work, and for some people it could be. Doing an actual breath work session, which is, you know, it can be up to 30 minutes long, but I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about implementing a simple box method breath work, which is you breathe in for a count of four, you hold it for a count of four, you release it for a count of four, and then you start again for another four. Right? So it's really, you're making a, you're making a box. So again, in for four. And then you hold it for four, release it for four, wait for four, and then start again. And you do that, you know, two or three times, multiple times a day. And that can be a way to just. Reregulate your nervous system. Grounding techniques are really helpful. That's when you engage your senses into the present moment. So my favorite one is to just engage all the senses. You actually [00:06:00] name five things that you can see. You name four things that you can touch in this present moment. Three things that you can hear in the present moment. Two things that you can smell, one thing that you can taste. It sounds odd, but really what you're doing is you're shifting into present moment awareness and you are reengaging and connecting to your own body. And what that does is it also, once again, brings down the nervous system response and it re, it brings you back into that window of tolerance. And then of course, a mindfulness practice. Pause and acknowledge, what are you feeling in this moment without judgment? Name it. You know, in this moment, a part of me feels anger. A part of me feels anxious, a part of me feels sad. And just simply identifying it and then even asking yourself, you know, okay, now I'm noticing a part of me feels whatever it feels, and this is what I need. And then being able to take one or two action steps for what, what it is that you need. So imagine if we put this into a, into like a real life situation here. Imagine you're in a stressful [00:07:00] conversation and you can feel the anger rising, but instead of immediately reacting, you actually pause, you know, feel your feet on the ground and pay attention to your breath. And just breathe in for four. Hold it for four. Exhale for four, and then wait for another four. This can be done even in the midst of that conversation. And as you're doing that, you just remind yourself that I'm safe. Everything is okay. Nothing's on fire Here. What that does is instead of emotionally reacting to the person who's sitting in front of you, you're reconnecting to self and then you're able to. Take a moment before responding to what it is that's happening. So emotional regulation is not about suppressing your emotions. It is a way to manage how and when you do express them. And every time that you take a moment to regulate your emotions, you're actually taking a moment of self-care and also self-leadership. This isn't gonna happen overnight. I mean, and also we're human, right? This isn't gonna be every single time you're able to [00:08:00] manage those, those emotions. But this is a, this is part of how we continue to grow and evolve as individuals and becoming skilled in this and building up this muscle of emotional regulation. It's practice, and also it can shift dynamics of relationships. It can create this sense of more emotional safety in those personal relationships that you have when you're not responding from emotionally dysregulated place. If you would like to talk more about this or wanna explore how coaching could help you understand those emotions and then being able to put some of these techniques into place and you'd like to talk about how coaching can help you do that, feel free to book a time with me anytime@coachwithKamini.com. And until next time, stay well.