Latest / Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild / Numb is the drug. Feeling is the detox. Withdrawal hurts—but it’s how you come back to life."

Transcript

Numb is the drug. Feeling is the detox. Withdrawal hurts—but it’s how you come back to life." · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, I'm Tina, your transformational coach from Get It Got It Girl.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to help you break your toxic patterns.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a transformational coach and emotional intelligence strategist.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're here and I'm back with episode nine.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I know last week I did something a little bit different.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had a regular session, which is what I'm going to do today.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm going to have a bonus session that's more like the uncut version of what's going on.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's a deeper version, kind of off the cuff and not so, you know, strid strict or rigid.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just something I'm trying out.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know what you like better.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I tend to like them both together.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: That way you feel like you have both like best worlds.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: So what I'm going to talk about today, there's a kind of healing that doesn't need words.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's a kind of clarity that arrives when you stop explaining yourself to people who never listened.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: This episode is not about what hurt me.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's about what I no longer need to say.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think that healing meant selling the whole story, naming every ache, every betrayal, every person who didn't show up.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I learned that silence can also be sacred.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not everything needs to be said or relived.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Some chapters don't need to be retold.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: They need to be released.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm here to do, episode nine.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the last week I've really been feeling good about this.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: It has changed the direction of my healing.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: When I look at myself now, I don't see the woman who was left behind.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't left behind because I'd left him, but I was given no choice.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I and I chose myself, actually.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't that I wasn't given a choice.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I did have a choice, and I actually took the choice to choose myself, which is something I didn't do before.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I would just kind of shrink down and be little and tiny and just agree with everything.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And even right now, when I'm telling you this on my podcast, my head just shrunk to my shoulders and I like turned into like this little ball.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, wow, you can actually see the difference.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So when I start talking about healing, I lift my head up high, my shoulders are down.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: I feel more confident.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Healing isn't about being hurt, it's actually about feeling whole and how do you feel deep down?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then just this last couple weeks, I've really switched.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: My attitude has changed.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: What I focus on has changed.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like episode eight was that last, like just need to air it out and get it all out.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: So today I'm just not naming him.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to be recounting the pain.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm honoring that it's done.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm choosing silence, not as avoidance, but just this is my ritual, and I'm going to release all the bad and welcome all the good in my life.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to get started.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I know episode 10 is going to be so exciting for you because I am going to release a method that I use.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: So stay tuned for episode 10.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: You are not going to want to miss it.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you're like me and you're holding that story and it's like the story you tell yourself, it's the story of you, and you're hanging on to the pain and the hurt and what happened to you.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you that it's okay to release it.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, it was so weird because I went to therapy that did help.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then I started my podcast, and I did not realize by trying to get my message out there to help other people, I would actually heal through my podcast.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: That was really opening, eye-opening to me.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I did not see that coming.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: So when it did happen, and I know my voice is a little shaky, I'm still excited.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still new.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: I am really pumped about what's coming up.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like a whole lift has been like lifted.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I know another thing that you could do is you could just write everything down and you can burn it or just say, I'm done explaining.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to do this anymore.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And peace doesn't need to be permission.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can have your own peace.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am no longer going to be a mirror for what broke me.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm only going to reflect on what I've become and what I've be I am becoming.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that reminds me of what I keep thinking of.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And this is going to maybe sound different.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I picture myself on the bottom of a football field, and a whole bunch of players are on top of me.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now don't get the wrong idea, ladies.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I just picture each player is has a name.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you would just picture like the names instead of names of people, I just feel like I'm on the bottom of the football, and I can't remember what you call it, but usually a quarterback is sacked and you're on the bottom of like the pile.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I just pick picture I'm on the bottom, or just picture yourself on the bottom.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're down there.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And on top of you is all these things.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: All these things that you need to release.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: So one by one, you get rid of them.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's guilt.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So the player of guilt just gets up.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe shame gets up.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you start sharing your story.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you go to therapy.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Little by little, the things that are on top of you and holding you down start making you feel like, okay, that's enough.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to do that anymore.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Telling my old story.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I've told my story.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to tell it because I did want to help people.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's cringy.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard everybody say, oh, don't say you're going to help people, but that's the truth.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't realize I was going to actually help myself in the meantime.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then what would other things be like?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I know, like failure.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Failure is a big thing for me.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that's off of me.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's enough.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's no more failure.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is not failure.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I pushed the button.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: I finally pushed the button.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I have written down so many things.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Just take some action.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm finding that that has been the best thing that I could have ever done.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And there's like shame and guilt.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So everything that is horrible is like on top of me, all my story that I told myself.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm not telling my story like that anymore.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Guess on the bottom of that pile is me.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what am I?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful, precious, worthy of love, confident.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just I am not what my story was.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm becoming who I am underneath that pile.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm also realizing a lot of things about myself.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Things that I didn't know before.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Period.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because I would stuff, and I know a lot of people do this, you do anything not to feel the pain.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: You might use some kind of addiction.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Gambling, drinking.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, it could be going on your phone.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: I know I've done a lot of doom scrolling, is what I heard it's called.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And just when I used to numb myself, I wasn't feeling anything.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Has it been hard?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because the old patterns are trying to sneak back.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Even like food.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I am a little guilty.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I've been having sugar, sugar fits.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm look at my blood pressure, not my blood pressure, my blood sugar.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, lady, you know you have diabetes.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So don't like hurt myself.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath, I am precious.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am loving.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am trustworthy.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I am deserving of everything.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am not, or you are not.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: You just don't deserve the bottom, the bare minimum.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve you deserve everything you want, desire.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And what's different about me is I've stopped chasing the closure.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I've given myself closure.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I chose contentment.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: What makes you happy?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: What makes you content?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized that my children definitely are part of that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it was so weird because I just wish that me and my kids could get a get together and everybody could get along and we could have a nice holiday event.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it happened.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So Halloween.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: It happened.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: I got to dress up.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: That used to be a sad part of my life because there have been times when I couldn't dress up, times when I couldn't go out, times when I was planning to get married during Halloween, and that was just last year.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so this year I wrote down on paper what I want.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: I have written down like four things that I'm working on that I really want.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And one of them is to spend more time with my kids, and that's during the holidays.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I love to be with my children.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to be doing anything like extravagant.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And my son had a Halloween party.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I got to dress up.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: We all got to get together.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was me and my three children and my son's boy, girlfriend.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I'm sorry.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Girlfriend.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: My son's girlfriend.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we all sat on the couch and we had a beautiful dinner.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: We had some cocktails and we had two scary movies that we watched.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that was like the best Halloween.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: That was a couple days before Halloween.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then on Halloween, I actually decided that I was satisfied.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was content.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Halloween wasn't about all these different things.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's about contentment.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's all that I think we're looking for.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's like when you're not content, you have a void, and you feel like you have to fill it with all these fillers, things that don't make you feel things, like things that are not good for you.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then you realize that that's not what you want.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you're just getting further away from what you want.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you're doing the things that aren't good for you, you start to feel guilt, you start to feel shame.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: You show up in different ways.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when you get rid of that and start just re-replacing it with actually feeling, oh my gosh, is it hard to feel?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have never cried so much in my whole life since I've allowed myself to feel.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: But then I feel better.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've allowed myself to feel angry.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is about reclaiming your life, reclaiming who you are, reinventing who you are, and also finding out who you are because sometimes you don't even know until you get past all the stuff that is hurting you in your life, your old story.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can change your story anytime, any day.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Why not make that today?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Start changing your story.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Look for the exciting things.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Write down things that will make you content.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you want in all of your life?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and that goes back to how do you want to live?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you want to live?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you by?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: What people are important in your life, who's draining you and who's nourishing you.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's definitely a big thing.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to welcome you to episode nine, where I would like you to just try to get rid of your old story, burn it.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not there yet, that's okay.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and listen to some other podcasts that I had earlier, and you'll hear my story.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: It hasn't always been easy.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not telling you like it's never, you know, hard.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's still hard.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: There are still nights that I cry, but there are so many more nights now that are filled with excitement.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: So exciting that I can't even go to sleep at night.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I do my most like the best self-improvement work on me.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I continue to do that.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been doing it for four or five years.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: But before the difference was that I was actually filling it with fillers, and I wasn't really getting to the bottom of who I was.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I still had the old patterns.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: The most difficult thing that was during this time was to not go to the old patterns because that's the first instinct.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then sometimes I'll just have to be.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that was hard just to be, to be nothing, to be quiet, to not reach for food, not reach to go gamble if my money's a little low, not to go drinking and get drunk, not to get high, like just I can't explain it.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I am explaining, but I hope that this helps you.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you find yourself in any of these positions, trust me, it does hurt at first, and that's that's what you got to go.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: People do say go through it.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I would definitely recommend go through it.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Don't go around it, don't go over it, don't sneak underneath.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's still there.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: You have to deal with it head on.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can't fix, and I do believe this.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: People always say it you can't fix what you don't acknowledge.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Fix yourself, work on yourself, work on your character, work on your own growth.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Tell your story if you need to to get it out.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Write your story, journal it, whatever helps you with your story to get past the old story and the new story.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can flip it.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my God, where am I gonna live?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I gonna work?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then just in a matter of minutes, I'm like, oh my gosh, I get to choose where do I want to work?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I want to live?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a fresh start.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's not doomsday, it's exciting.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think you can hear it in my voice.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: I feel it in my body, like my body's shaking, like not in a bad way, but just in the way of excitement, and I'm alive again.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: To feel alive again is wonderful.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I don't have any assignment for you because next week, episode 10, is going to be something that I'm gonna share with you.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna write about it in the future.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to help so many people.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, thank you.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Get it, got it, girl.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is Get It Got It Girl.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Tina, your transformational coach and emotional intelligence strategist.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna break your old patterns, the old toxic patterns, one by one.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Buckle up.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're in a we're ready for a great big ride.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Get it, got it, girl.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to me on Apple and Spotify wherever you can find a podcast.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: I should be there.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.