Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / How To Release The Victim Mentality And Take Ownership Of Your Feelings

Transcript

How To Release The Victim Mentality And Take Ownership Of Your Feelings · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, depending on whatever time it is that you've chosen to tune in for another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Just want to take a quick moment to say thank you for tuning in today and taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Today I wanted to just talk about the victim mentality.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: This conversation has been coming up a lot in the coaching sessions I've been having because sometimes we don't even recognize when we are stuck in that victim mentality.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: So when we think about it, it's really asking the questions do you ever feel that you have very little, if any, control of your life?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel like everything is always against you, or you always get the worst jobs, or people take advantage of you?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: No one really respects and appreciates you.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Things never turn out good for you, or you feel like you'll never quite get the happiness and success you deserve.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not in any judgment.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's sometimes we get stuck in that victimhood, in that this is happening to me versus this may be happening for me.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: So the term victim mentality is really just referring to that self-sabotaging mindset that could be formed from either trauma, you know, big T trauma from the past or little tea trauma.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it could be formed from just messages we have received or experiences we've had.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a perspective that serves to uh, you know, it's it, and this might sound, it's not that we're actually necessarily trying to get attention, but we're just stuck in this mindset where uh there is an avoidance of responsibility of our own thoughts and actions.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: There's like just this underlying avoidance of what's my partner in the dynamic.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And instead it's an overfocus onto all of this is happening to me.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so in that victim mentality, it can cause significant emotional distress or just a lot of anxiety or just overwhelm.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: And uh people often will find that um when they are stuck in the victim mentality, there is this sense of uh no control over anything, feeling helpless, pessimistic, sometimes angry and afraid.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of blame being passed around.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, individuals who struggle with it often have a difficult time seeing how they, their part in it, um, in whatever dynamic it is, has also contributed to the experiences.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because that when we think about it, and what we really have to like get into the ability to understand is that our thoughts about an event create the reality we have about that event because our thoughts create the feelings about something.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: So an event is just an event, uh, which is why I often will challenge my clients when they refer to something as a mistake.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's well, we're it's your thoughts about it that create it make it be a mistake.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: Instead, it's just an outcome that you weren't happy with.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And if we can look at something as an outcome we weren't happy with, now we step into this more empowered place to say, okay, so why wasn't I happy with it?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: What did I learn from it?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: What can I take away from this and then move forward?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, if we think it was a mistake, we actually can push ourselves into that victim mentality where it's like, oh goodness, that was done to me.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: So a victim mindset revolves around the negative thinking patterns and cognitive distortions, such as catastrophizing.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's they'll never hire me or I'll never pass this exam or discounting the positive.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: So just because um the whole thing didn't occur the way that we wanted it to, we we don't even look at um the one or two things that that may have been that may have gotten gone well.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Or we we mentally filter something out.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: So we never do anything right.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: We see that they're that we we think that we're a failure, right?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: We say, I'm a failure, even though we're filtering out all the good things or accomplishments that we have helped had in the past.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when we have that faulty thinking pattern or that that those distortions occurring, it increases our feelings of helplessness and hope and hopelessness and leads to that stress and anxiety that I was mentioning before.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, what do we do about this?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: What what you know well, how do we help when we're when we're stuck in this in this um in this mindset?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, really, the very first thing is to recognize that we are it's a choice still.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: We're still making a choice to to be in that in that mindset because we're we're choosing how we're thinking about something.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we can recognize, we can become aware that this is happening, we can accept that it's there.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not about um judging yourself or criticizing yourself about it, it's becoming aware of it, accepting that it's there, acknowledging that it's there, and then taking aligned action to release, um release this victim mindset.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: So the very first thing to do is to recognize that it's happening, accept the responsibility of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when you start to um notice that you're blaming others, slow it down and just uh recognize that that blame is being passed and ask, okay, well, what's my part in this?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: So when we say something like, you're making me so sad, it's more about I feel sad when I am treated this way, which is less about blaming somebody for the feelings you're having.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: It actually allows you to take ownership of the feelings you're having and then say when something occurs.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, replacing the word with you with in instead of having you statements, they become I statements.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: The second thing that we can really do is anchor into the concept of self-compassion, which I talk about all the time, which is treating yourself with some empathy and some kindness over judgment.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: So being more compassionate to yourself.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: So when we become aware of it, and we don't go into judgy mode, it's about recognizing this is what's happening, practice empathy, and then go into this place of okay, so is there another way that I can look at this?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then the third thing that we can do is start looking at that inner child that we might have experienced or when where the victim mentality may have begun.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: And just recognize that our inner child does represent this, some of our past of our past experiences, that these are memories that have have shaped you know how we think and who we are.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: And instead of reliving those, it's about looking at those with a different lens.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And coaching honestly can be a safe environment to uh unpack some of those um inner child um past experiences.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, also, therapy is a great way to do this.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we have I work with clients who utilize a therapist to maybe heal those past traumas, and then the coaching is a nice way to complement that because we we are able to take that that that knowledge and work with that in order to move uh the clients forward beyond that inner child.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when if you with victim mentality, it's really about understanding and recognizing when it is something that's present for you.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: And again, it's not about judging it, it's about recognizing that the thought process is all of this is happening to me.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: And how do I and what steps am I gonna take to shift from that place into a place of asking that really important question of how is this happening for me?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: When we can release the it's happening to me and step into this is happening for me, that is that shift that takes us from victimhood into taking ownership of our lives, recognizing that ultimately we are the ones who are in charge of creating our happiness, creating our success, creating the life that we want to live.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: We cannot allow for others to do that for us or look to others to do that for us because that again leads into codependency, which I've talked about previously.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: If you'd like to talk more about uh being stuck in this mindset and how uh coaching could help move you out of that or anything else that might be coming up in your world, feel free to book a time with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.