Latest / Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice / Season 3, Ep. 10: From Silence to Survival — I Will Not Stay Silent
Transcript
- Crown of Beauty audio Recording: Hello, everyone. This is Marcia Lee. It's called Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice. I have the honor of concluding with Domestic Violence Awareness Month by having a very special guest on, JaReen So JaReen is founder of Crown of Beauty Within. She is a domestic violence advocate, inspirational speaker, and life coach. She continues her advocacy by sharing her and other stories. It's time to break the life cycle, break the chain, and have a breakthrough. It's time to live and have the life we are supposed to have. So, for those who are not really familiar with domestic violence, I'm going to give you a brief summary. What is domestic violence? Domestic violence, also called domestic abuse or family violence, is violence or other abuse. That occurs in domestic settings, such as in a marriage or cohabitation. Domestic violence is often used as a synonym for intimate partner violence, which is committed by one of the people in an intimate relationship against the other person and can take place in relationships or between former spouses or partners. Domestic violence is not physical violence alone. Domestic violence is any behavior for the purpose of which is to gain power. And control over a spouse, partner, girl, slash boy, friend, or intimate family member. Abuse is a learned behavior. It is not caused by anger, mental problems, drugs, or alcohol, or other common excuses. With that being said, as of today, Oklahoma has the highest rate in domestic violence followed by the state of Iowa and Kentucky. So, Reen, she loves photography, crafting, interior decorating, traveling, hosting parties, cooking, hanging out with her daughter Lydia, and going to Chick-fil-A for lunch. Thank you, Reen, for being on. Take it away. Hi, it's nice that you invited me to this special event and She had to mention Chick-fil-A. It's so wonderful. I can't believe, you know, that I'm talking about my life journey, you know, this continued journey. I've been putting it off for over 20 years now. And it's time. And I would like to, you know, give you a little background about crown of beauty within because. The beauty is from within. Over 20, about 20 years ago, I was at a church that I was attending. And I was down. I felt down, unworthy. My low, my self-esteem was very low. And it was a lady asked me, could she give me a crown? And she's, and I have this crown right here. It's kind of tarnished, but it's it's still beautiful to me. And I wear it. And she said, every time you feel down, unworthy, or just because, she said, put this crown on and just know that who the daughter you are, you're the daughter of the most high God. And just wear it. So I keep this crown to remind myself I am worthy. I am love. I am beautiful. beautiful within. So and I wear my crowns. And you see I have my crown on, but I haven't always felt beautiful. people used to tell me, you can be a model. But I didn't feel like that model. And I'm a thick woman now, but I feel more like a model now. You know. And my story happened Back in the early 80s, I was in a relationship. And he wasn't a person of drugs. He wasn't a person that drinked. He was a very jealous man. And I got right out of high school, I got with him a year later out of high school, and he was older and My dad was the type of man that if a man had a job, he was a good man. And so he accepted him. And I I'm gonna just make it short. And I got with him in the late 80s and and finally we got married. He adopted my daughter. I had a daughter at a young age and He was very possessive. He wanted, I couldn't have friends. He said I was the only he was the only friend I needed. I couldn't be around single women. You know, I couldn't even be around my own sister. No, because she may bring an extra friend around, you know. so I kept a lot of stuff to myself. I didn't even talk to my mom because I felt like if I made my bed, I had to lie in it. And when we would go to my parents' house, and if he was tired and was sleepy, I was I had to go to sleep with him. I couldn't stay up and enjoy my family when we had functions. So I had to go to bed with him. So I couldn't enjoy the activities. So they say, you he just love you you just love him yeah it was love all right so that was the control thing and and I would hear my family enjoying himself and I'm Landah woke and he sleep and this went on for many years and and that was When I if I went somewhere, he knew everything. He bugged the the phone. You know, I didn't know that. He hit the phone and bugged it. Every conversation I had. You know, where did you go today? And I'm like, you tell me. Because like he had our spies everywhere. So it was a life that I could not like. You know, why you wear that? You know. I only could wear certain things. it was like I got to a point where I didn't didn't like life. I couldn't handle life. And It was I went to school. He didn't like like me going to school. And it's sad that I went and got a job and I didn't tell him that I had a job. And and when he found out I had a job and he knew when the job closed. And one time I came out talking to a lot of my co-workers, he was outside and he got angry. And And it was, he wanted me to quit. And I said, no, I'm not gonna quit. And it was just, it was just like living in hell. So mental abuse is not a good thing. And then I got another job and I made assistant supervisor. that he felt like if I got this job, I was gonna leave him. And it was to the point where. I couldn't handle it. And during this time back in the 80s, you, I don't want to say too much, but I was tricked into going into a hospital. against way it happened was I had a medical condition and I'm being young and they said you have this type of illness but find out years later I didn't have it and I was pumped up with a lot of medication that I did not require and I stayed there for a month against and then when I found out what it was and I cussed the doctor out and they over-medicated me to the point where I was tied to the wheelchair and It was a lot. It was a lot. And my mom knew something was wrong. And she came to see me, and he would not let my mom and I be alone. And she told my dad, say, something is not right. And he had cut the phone off at my house. And so my mom and I couldn't talk. And she was there. She likes she kept picking up the phones of doll tone. And and he's like, I must have cut it off by mistake. He knew what he would had done. So and it was times that I I wanted to talk to my mom, but I was scared. And there was times where he put guns to on. you know, to my head, you know, there was times where that this particular time I just was cool, calm, and collected till he went to work like everything was fine. So the next day I took my daughter, let her go to school. And when I thought everything was cool, I went out of school. I didn't tell nobody but my mom. And we went to A women's shelter, and we stayed there. But sometimes the women's shelter can be cruel. It can be very cruel. So you have to watch out where you go. you have to be very careful. And I'm not gonna say where we was at, but people thinking that because how you dress, how you come in with, they think you got status of what you have, but you just trying to make it. And but the people that on the outside helped me, you know, I didn't care if I I was living, I went and moved in a shotgun house. But as long as I was free, I was happy. And my mom was scared for me. And my daughter wouldn't live with me because she was accustomed to a better life. And I just let her go back to him because she wouldn't live in this in a neighborhood. And I let her go because. She was brainwashed and it was nothing I could do. But this was the first part of my relationship. And I went back to him and tried to make it work, I dropped the restraining order, then he turned around and put one on me. And it was, it was tough. And then I just I can't do it anymore. And then I left again and I was like, no. This is too much. And he wanted, I had to dance by his music after that. And so life goes on. You know, I had nothing, you know, I had no money. And when I I came to Houston, I went home to my parents. And then I came to Houston with a tank of gas and seven dollars. That's how determined I was. And My life's been here ever since because I couldn't go back and And when I went went back for my divorce, he was gonna take all that medical, what he did with the medical, with me being in the hospital. And the judge told him, say, we're not using that. He asked me, How you feel now? I said, I feel better since I left him. He said, Good. And to go. on farther I used to have nightmares. I went to counseling, I went to you know, you suppress a lot of things, you know, because I'm from the country and a lot of things that you go through, and I'm gonna go back back go back a little bit. The torment that I went through with him. And when I went to one hospital, I had to go into another to deal with this. And it took another doctor to help me to go through this all the violence, mental and physical. Yes, he put his hands on me. I had to go into another hospital to deal with it because. I was, I didn't know how to handle it. And I tried to commit suicide. I had to get my stomach pumped. And I didn't want to live. because it took so much away from me. I felt like I was dead inside mentally, physically. I felt like I lost my child. And I had a man a man that was controlling. I felt like when I went out on the outside, people was looking at me, laughing at me. So I'm in a small town and I didn't have a life. So I met another lady that was felt the same way like me. She used to, we say we wish they would die. We wish they when they go to work, we they would die. So they so we didn't have to deal with it anymore. And I was like, I thought I was the only one who felt like that. They would just die. And so when we went into the hospital, they would take a picture of it. I felt like I looked like deaf riding on roller skates. I'm just gonna be honest with you. I looked dead way. And my doctor at that time, he said, I see so much beauty within you. He said, I could buy you for a dollar and sell you for a million. He said, I see so much beauty in you. You you're just a jewel, but one day you're gonna see that jewel within you. And I stayed there a whole month. And when I walked out of there, I had a smile on my face because they helped me. And It was so wonderful because I found myself in that hospital. And he it's like he didn't want me to find myself. Was I perfect? No. Was I healed? No. But I was on my way. I could stand up for myself. And he did not like that. So that was gonna do that was a continuing journey for me. And so I was on the right road, but I had to get out of that place. I could not stay in that town. And Because if I stayed there, I wouldn't be living this to this day. I'm gonna be honest with you. So for me to be here today, it was a help to identify. And yes, I've had some some more broken about myself, but now. Today at 57, I can identify those things. I've been abused again. I've had domestic again, you know, but I know how to get out of the situation before it continues. And a lot of things have suppressed. I thought he was the type that I could share, but he took my kindness for weakness and used it against me. I thought he loved me enough to be there to support me, but he took it and used it. And that's what a lot of the women I have talked to have shared the same story. And Fift over 15 years ago when I shared my story with women at a brunch. And I didn't know so many women have gone through with what I've gone through. And I was like, wow. And yes, I do cry. I break down. But the more I share my story, the tears get easy. But if you have Asked me to share my story twenty years ago, twenty five years ago. no. It gets much easier the more I share my story. If one woman gets healed, that's a thousand in God's eyesight. And some months ago I shared my story with a policeman. I wouldn't have done that 20 years ago, even 10 years ago. But one thing he said to me, I enlightened him. I shared with him why women don't come forth. Because he said, wow, you enlighten me because women don't want to be victimized all over again. Because they always looked at me as that fast girl. because when I went through some things, you know, they looked at me in that way. I felt like I didn't deserve a good man because of my family background. I looked at because my dad beat my mom. He put his hands on my mom. I used to hate to see the weekends come. My sister will not get married because she scared that she gonna go through that. And it's sad to say, my grandmother went through that. That cycle needs to be broken. My aunts went through that. That cycle needs to be broken. My brothers put his hands on his wives. That cycle needs to be broken. And that men need to be educated that that's not showing love towards women. Women, we as women need love. And sometimes women feel like, we need hands on us. That's what that's love for us. No, it's not. Love is not being putting putting hands on us. Cause we we're not punching bags. You can't show me nothing in a Bible or show me nothing in the newspaper that that is love. You cannot show me that. not having black eyes and broken nose. Broken limbs. So many women are dying. That's not what life is about. And we don't want to come forth, we scared. And then they say, we don't see no evidence. It's no weapon that he threatened you. Hmm. Wow. It's sad. I'm up on a domestic violence right now. I'm up on the address confidentiality program right now. Yes, my name is changed. It's not, it's not good to live a life like that right now. But I'm not going to hide no more. I am not going to have any more. This life is this life is too short. Life is too short. I'm speaking out to save other women. It's time to take off the mask. And I'm not talking about COVID mask. It's time to live. It's time to speak up. It's time, ladies, to wear your crown of who you are, your beautiful, the crown of beautiful from within. It's time. You are beautiful. Speak up. Yeah. Till somebody. We're gonna share the number, the website, text the number. You're not in this alone. You are not alone in this. We all care. We have a place for you. See, I have a, when I get in a relationship, I don't I have one place that I don't tell the person that I have. I always have a secret place. I don't tell everybody all about my friends, all the places I have, because I may have to go there. You will not know all my location. all my friends location because I may have to go there if something happened. You always have that one friend, you keep a secret. So they won't know where you may have to go. Don't let everybody know where all your hiding places are. Mm-hmm. Rean probably for the first time in a long time, I don't have any words right now. Your story told it all. Told it all. I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for you to come on this platform to be vulnerable, to break down, to have a breakthrough. And do you know how many people that you're going to help? You know, to your point, even if you help one, you've helped more than you did before we got on this platform. So know that what you're doing and what you did to what you did today is not going to go unnoticed. As a matter of fact, I normally wait a few days to upload my content, but I I feel this is so important. I'm gonna upload that tomorrow on the end of Domestic Violence Awareness Month because everybody needs to know this. So again Reen did say we want to provide information. So I do have the information. So everyone, so you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. That's 1-800-799-7233. Or you could text capital S, capital T, capital A, capital R, capital T two eight eight. 788, or you can go on the website www.dot the hotline that's t-h-e-h-o-t-l-in-e dot or g. That's the numbers that you can locate. This is for United States wide, not only for local, but this is the US because everybody's listening from all over the U.S., probably the world. So this is the platform. These are the numbers that you can use. right now, Ring is rebranding. So she's gonna be on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. I'll be sharing that information once she's finished rebranding. But if you want to reach out to me, and ring as Green, if you want to share your email so people can reach out, if people want to reach out. LadyCrown for you at gmail.com. Spell that out for For them, please. Lady L A D Y Crown C R O W N, the number four, the letter U at gmail.com. Excellent. I hope everybody got that. Thank you so much. And that that will also be in you know in the notes section. So if you want to reach out to me, my socials on Twitter and Instagram are cut the B S, Your Health, Your Choice, all one word. That's C-U-T. T-H-E-B-S-Y-O-U-R-H-E-A-L-T-H. Your choice. Y-O-U-R-C-H-O-I-C-E. So again, I like to thank Ream for taking time out of her, out of her day and her life and her schedule to come on and talk about such an important topic. And I know I'm I started this platform to talk about things that People are not comfortable with, but they are relevant and they are important and people need to know. This is things that you can't tweet. You can't tweet this. You can't go on TikTok and get this. This is real life. This is not social media nonsense. This is real life situations. So again, this is why I'm out here, you know, to spread the word, to spread the message. Ring's going to continue to spread the matches. She's going to continue to have everybody wear crowns. Everybody is beautiful within. Even our men folks who are going through domestic violence. They are beautiful beautiful too. So we don't want to exclude them. It's always not about the women, but you know, we all know Ring just said it again. Ring said it. She said it over and over. You are not alone. You have resources. Don't let the right hand know what the left hand is doing. This Just be informed and be aware and know again that you have help. They are resources. They are support groups. They are help. Again, you don't have to be alone. So I would like to conclude again by thanking Reen to come on, this platform today. And until next time for another episode of Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice. Take care and be fabulous.