Latest / The Woo Report: Everyday Spirituality / 12. The Practice of Showing Up with Lena Waithe

Transcript

12. The Practice of Showing Up with Lena Waithe · The Woo Report: Everyday Spirituality

• 0:01
  There comes a time in our lives when you have to decide.
• 0:05
  How do you want to show up in the world?
• 0:07
  For me, that moment came after the accident I talk about in episode one.
• 0:12
  When I got run over by a car when I was pregnant.
• 0:14
  I had a choice to stay in the trauma and victimhood or choose the light, find joy in the recovery, and transform that pain into purpose.
• 0:25
  Lena knows something about that kind of reckoning, too.
• 0:28
  She's been on her own journey, unpacking old patterns, confronting her personhood.
• 0:34
  And as she puts it, she is still very much in process.
• 0:38
  One of the tools Lena leans on is meditation.
• 0:40
  Now, we've talked about meditation before on this podcast, but hearing Lena speak so candidly about her practice helps take the pressure off because, as she explains, if we're waiting for the world to get quiet before we get still, we'll be waiting forever.
• 0:56
  I'm so glad you're here for this one, because Lena's poetry is a mirror, asking us to look inside ourselves, giving us permission to not have all the answers, and offering up her signature mix of wisdom, humor and heart.
• 1:16
  Hi, I'm Laura Scott Patty, filmmaker and woowoo enthusiast here today.
• 1:22
  To cut through the noise, pull back the veil, and cozy up in the space between reality and spirituality.
• 1:29
  Thanks for listening to the Woo report.
• 1:35
  With us.
• 1:37
  What's up.
• 1:38
  Guys? You look so. Good.
• 1:40
  Thank you. So do you. Oh my gosh.
• 1:40
  Thank you.
• 1:43
  Every time I open up Instagram you are dropping these poetic bombs on people.
• 1:51
  Oh like a lot of stories.
• 1:53
  The Sophia Bush podcast.
• 1:53
  You know she's asking you a question.
• 1:55
  You're dropping. It.
• 1:57
  And she's like wow.
• 1:59
  Yes, yes.
• 2:01
  And then you know you're saying lines like when I find myself in the eye of the storm.
• 2:06
  I just look. At my feet.
• 2:09
  Yeah.
• 2:11
  And so I'm ready, I'm ready for my brain to explode.
• 2:14
  Oh well this happens right.
• 2:16
  Like we're not on a podcast.
• 2:17
  I don't know, but I feel like we're not like super deep.
• 2:20
  Are we getting super deep? We're talking.
• 2:22
  About you. We're about to. Okay, okay.
• 2:26
  That's okay.
• 2:26
  Barry, we've been friends since 2008, okay?
• 2:30
  We only actually work together for two months.
• 2:34
  I think we only work. Yes.
• 2:35
  I guess. Technically.
• 2:37
  Yeah, it felt like two years.
• 2:40
  But then we stayed close ever since.
• 2:44
  So, you know, I had this accident.
• 2:46
  You know, in retrospect, now, years later, was the catalyst for my crack open moment.
• 2:52
  It like, basically was the reason why I had the spiritual awakening.
• 2:56
  I saw my my consciousness separate from my body.
• 3:00
  And I had never thought about it like that.
• 3:02
  Like during the accident, during the accident, yes.
• 3:05
  The car went over me.
• 3:07
  And then I.
• 3:09
  I flew out of my body and I saw myself laying there.
• 3:15
  And then when I went back in my body, I was stoic and I thought I was going to die, but I was totally at peace with it.
• 3:25
  Which is like, how do you have that peace when you think you would be panicking?
• 3:30
  And I was pregnant.
• 3:32
  I know, I remember getting a call from or text from your husband, Matt, and I was like, not the most terrifying call one can get.
• 3:39
  Nasty was very sweet to like to as as calm a person down as much as you can while telling them something like that.
• 3:47
  And but obviously I remain calm because he said, you're okay.
• 3:51
  And, you know, it was just.
• 3:52
  But it was the craziest.
• 3:54
  I've never you just don't expect to get that.
• 3:58
  Yeah.
• 3:58
  Oh text at all. Yeah.
• 3:58
  And it was just crazy.
• 4:01
  So obviously yes.
• 4:02
  You came then you came to LA.
• 4:04
  So we get to see each other.
• 4:06
  But it was just insane.
• 4:08
  It was crazy.
• 4:09
  It was crazy.
• 4:09
  And so anyway, so that for me, when I look back on it, that cracked me open.
• 4:14
  And I know that you've said meditation has changed your life.
• 4:18
  I'm curious.
• 4:18
  We're going to get into all that, but I'm curious if there was a reason why you sought out meditation, some sort of crack open moment, or is there something that was like, oh, I feel a pull that I need to start doing this.
• 4:33
  I want to get well, my thing was not near death.
• 4:37
  but I think.
• 4:42
  There could still be moments in your life that you have a decision to make about who you want to be in a world.
• 4:51
  And here we go on your side.
• 4:53
  You're starting to.
• 4:54
  Drop off, like.
• 4:57
  You know, saying, like, I wasn't faced with death, but it was definitely.
• 5:06
  I would even call it an ego death.
• 5:10
  for me, it was sort of personhood.
• 5:15
  You know, I think we have to decide who we want to be in a world how we want to show up.
• 5:20
  So for me, there was this moment that God created for me to experience really had made me question who I was and how I wanted to show up in the world.
• 5:37
  And I really hadn't faced with it before in that way.
• 5:42
  And so I had to navigate it in my own way.
• 5:45
  And it wasn't quick.
• 5:48
  and I was still in process.
• 5:50
  And I think that's the thing.
• 5:51
  I think people think they the finish line when it comes to things.
• 5:55
  I don't know if healed.
• 5:56
  I don't know if healed should be ever using the past tense, because it's sort of like nothing is truly healed, even when the scar starts to fade.
• 6:08
  It's the memory of the thing that caused the pain is still there, so you can't.
• 6:14
  You're never really healed from anything.
• 6:16
  We're always healing.
• 6:17
  We're always in process.
• 6:19
  And I think some people don't like being in process, so they just try to just be where they are and keep doing the same thing again and again, rather than.
• 6:30
  Shifting.
• 6:31
  And doing something new.
• 6:35
  And so what I saw that was a thing for me was a part of a pattern.
• 6:39
  But the pattern will continue to show up just with different cast members.
• 6:42
  And so for me, I was like, oh, here's my pattern again.
• 6:46
  This is what a new cast member.
• 6:47
  But this time I'm ready to change the story.
• 6:50
  And I'm a person that works in television.
• 6:51
  And our job is to continue to do the same thing every week.
• 6:56
  It's just slightly differently.
• 6:58
  It's like when you look at friends, it's the same six people.
• 7:01
  That's what keeps you coming back.
• 7:03
  But they got to change the storylines just enough.
• 7:05
  So it was somewhat different.
• 7:06
  But it's the same things again and again and again.
• 7:08
  Right?
• 7:09
  So that's what keeps you coming back.
• 7:11
  That's the thing.
• 7:12
  A lot of the SVU is the same episode every week is just slightly different.
• 7:17
  Right.
• 7:18
  So when you sit and watch the marathon though, you can just like, you know, okay, I was got and so for me I said, I want to write and I'm telling the story to say I learned the lesson.
• 7:30
  I don't even know if that's fair.
• 7:31
  It's more, it's more.
• 7:32
  So I got what I needed to get from this experience, and now I'm ready to have a new way.
• 7:38
  But the thing was, it wasn't like, oh, I have to do meditation.
• 7:40
  I did something that kind of, you know, forced me to meditate.
• 7:46
  And then but then after that I was like, oh, that was helpful.
• 7:51
  So I'm going to continue to meditate.
• 7:53
  But I'm also talking because I won't talk in specifics.
• 7:56
  And so but.
• 7:56
  That's what if you started meditating and was it awkward?
• 8:00
  Is it feel did it feel weird?
• 8:02
  Was it like weird sit in silence?
• 8:04
  Well, I think that's the thing.
• 8:05
  I think meditation is just sort of a definition.
• 8:08
  Is that a term is sort of.
• 8:09
  But I think people can be intimidated by that word.
• 8:13
  and meditation is a form of saying just sitting quietly.
• 8:21
  And then I'm also going to go further than that, because sometimes I can be meditating and somebody may have to come in here, or somebody may have to rehearse downstairs or, you know, there may be a fire truck going down this way.
• 8:37
  So when I say I sit and quiet, doesn't mean that I need to require a quiet space or that I need to be alone.
• 8:45
  Meditation is sitting still and me being quiet.
• 8:50
  It doesn't require anyone else around me to be quiet, because I don't need anyone else around me to do anything in order for me to get still, if I'm dependent on the world to get quiet, if I'm depending on people around me to get quiet, I'll be waiting forever to get quiet.
• 9:03
  So I have to get quiet.
• 9:05
  In spite of the fact that the world is loud and and the space is loud, people around me don't want to be quiet.
• 9:10
  I'm going to take some time for it.
• 9:12
  And it's a level of like having mind over matter and that you going to say a person, a stewardess may wonder, oh, this person is meditation.
• 9:20
  They may say, do you want something to drink?
• 9:22
  The mind may go, oh, I don't want to be rude.
• 9:25
  I don't think I'm crazy.
• 9:27
  Let me break my meditation and say, no, I'm fine.
• 9:30
  But what I could also do is say, you know what?
• 9:32
  I'm going to continue to meditate.
• 9:34
  If the person is confused, they kind of may wonder, Okay, I guess something is happening.
• 9:37
  I'm going to move on.
• 9:39
  And then once I come out of the meditation, I can say, hey, sorry, I was meditating.
• 9:42
  No worries.
• 9:42
  I saw a movie that I didn't meet.
• 9:44
  No, you're a fan.
• 9:45
  So in that moment, you have to rise above the desire to, to to to calm someone else.
• 9:52
  So that way they won't be confused about what you need to do in the moment.
• 9:56
  And so I think even in that like or to, to to shove embarrassment out of the way.
• 10:01
  So that way you may go, oh these people, when they go, where are they making things up is going on.
• 10:04
  And they made it up.
• 10:06
  And even if that comes up in your mind, quiet that stay.
• 10:09
  Hey. It's okay.
• 10:10
  So what if that person thinks this is your practice?
• 10:12
  You should be like, don't think about what's going on.
• 10:15
  Just get back and kind of get quiet.
• 10:16
  So then when you come out of that, you realize, oh, who cares if someone thought I was this, who cares if this person is okay?
• 10:22
  I'm fine. Everything's okay.
• 10:22
  No one's hurt.
• 10:25
  I'm all right.
• 10:26
  And that also tells you something.
• 10:26
  So then the next, if you going into another space in a scenario, you're reminded.
• 10:32
  Hey, I shouldn't stress about this person thinking this of me.
• 10:35
  I shouldn't worry about that person taking our route, because then that person may be projecting in that moment.
• 10:39
  Is this person being weird?
• 10:40
  This person being rude has nothing to do with you or your practice.
• 10:44
  And so that's sort of like what your brain has to kind of tell you, like you just remind yourself like, don't worry about what's going on around you.
• 10:50
  What are you doing right now?
• 10:51
  Oh, you're getting quiet.
• 10:51
  You're being still.
• 10:53
  That's the most important thing in this moment.
• 10:55
  Everything else can wait.
• 10:56
  What is your meditation practice look like?
• 10:58
  Do you have like, do you do gratitude first?
• 11:01
  I think people get confused that you have to go to a place to be to meditate.
• 11:04
  I can literally sit here right now and just close my eyes and I take for an hour, 15 minutes.
• 11:10
  Well, I think also I kind of do not be stringent with my practice.
• 11:14
  Also, while I was, it was like an hour in the morning, an hour at night, and then I start beat myself up.
• 11:19
  I get a full hour in a more.
• 11:20
  I beat myself about it, skipped an evening, and he went out to the Super Bowl weekend.
• 11:23
  Like I didn't meditate that we didn't have. So.
• 11:25
  But I'm not gonna beat myself up about that.
• 11:27
  When I got home on that Monday, 8 a.m., when I woke up, sort of like, all right.
• 11:31
  And I struggled to get at that 30 minutes because I was sort of out of practice with it.
• 11:35
  There was like within this morning, like the 30 minutes is a little bit easier, but still open my eyes and also before I say set a timer.
• 11:40
  Now I just allow myself to meditate for as long as I feel I need to, as long as I can.
• 11:44
  So now I listen to my body.
• 11:44
  So again is not strength.
• 11:47
  I think people get so caught up in the word and it being quiet where you're doing it for how long and what have you go a day without doing it?
• 11:55
  Meditation is just like anything else, you know, you have to adapt to it.
• 12:00
  You have to listen to it.
• 12:01
  And so I think what I really do in meditation is I take the pressure off in terms of how long I do it, when I do it, where I do it, how often I do it.
• 12:08
  I just make sure I don't go too long without doing it.
• 12:11
  And also, it's a cool thing because once you really get into the practice, I would never go on not knowing if I want to or not doing it.
• 12:17
  What am I running for?
• 12:17
  What am I free to get quiet about?
• 12:21
  that's telling me something.
• 12:22
  So when you sit down, do you listen to something, or are you just sitting down?
• 12:27
  Yeah. No, just sit down. Sit.
• 12:30
  And you sit, like, crisscross applesauce or it doesn't matter.
• 12:34
  It doesn't matter.
• 12:35
  Like, it's not like you have to, like, be.
• 12:36
  And because some people can be very particular, I guess it has class of it's like I'm not those person like I'm going to push through because my, my my latest fall asleep.
• 12:44
  You know, that's a part of that. People things like I'm gonna go mind over matter.
• 12:47
  My back, my foot is hurting, my legs fall asleep.
• 12:49
  I have this I have is.
• 12:50
  And they just like don't move for me.
• 12:52
  Kind of like I want to be.
• 12:54
  Because to me, now I'm spending too much energy not thinking about my my foot hurting my this, that that it.
• 13:00
  Right.
• 13:00
  So to me, I want to be comfortable, you know, just so that way I can allow whatever thoughts to calm, calm.
• 13:06
  So I don't have this thing because then I'm like, why am I worried about how I'm sitting while I'm meditating?
• 13:10
  That's yeah, that's something else.
• 13:11
  So it's like to me it's more about being still and getting quiet.
• 13:15
  I do that they all say can change, can alternate.
• 13:20
  because it's really about listening to your inner voice.
• 13:23
  So what if your inner voice is like, oh, here's my to do list for the day?
• 13:27
  Or like, what if that inner voice is loud, is like is loud with with clutter?
• 13:32
  Or it feels like clutter?
• 13:33
  Or are you just allowing things to come up?
• 13:37
  Your inner voice should not be judged.
• 13:41
  Preach in a voice.
• 13:43
  Be wrong.
• 13:45
  I don't know.
• 13:46
  There's no if I'm going over my grocery list.
• 13:48
  Is that like, is that how.
• 13:49
  Is that bad? Okay, okay, good. Great.
• 13:52
  Because if you don't have.
• 13:53
  Your grocery list, if you sitting there for 30 minutes.
• 13:56
  Yeah.
• 13:58
  If it takes you 30 minutes to think about your grocery list, then that's telling you something.
• 14:02
  Yeah, right. That's telling you something that you don't.
• 14:07
  Do it no. Different time. No.
• 14:09
  That's just telling you like, you know, but then that like that's just telling.
• 14:13
  That's all this in your brain.
• 14:16
  Then let that be in your brain and then the thing is, is will you come out of it?
• 14:22
  Maybe you have a better experience.
• 14:26
  Now, you got a question because you're now like, I'm so clear, all the things that I need, you know what I mean?
• 14:33
  Or the have a whole a grocery list is very telling about, you know, like, okay, like or between almond milk and oat milk right now, like, I'm like, I'm going back.
• 14:43
  right.
• 14:44
  So now I was thinking about, oh, I used to drink like, full milk and, like whole milk and Lactaid, and now I'm freaking out, and I was, like, sugar free, like my journey with, like, milk and dairy is this very interesting journey.
• 14:57
  Like, look at society.
• 14:59
  There was a point where, like, everybody starts to drink milk and like, now we know that's not good for us.
• 15:03
  So now we have these alternative like so you think do think like, what are the things on your grocery list saying about you and your family and like what that means and you know, and then eventually if you meditate again the next day, your brain is not thinking about the groceries because you are in coffee shop, right?
• 15:20
  So check.
• 15:21
  That list.
• 15:22
  So if allow your brain to do all those things and really listen to it, eventually it'll it will stop telling you about tasks and then it'll start by people will start to come up for you.
• 15:37
  A person will kind of hit your brain like, well, you know, the person come to me and then you'll come out and then you may go, oh, hey, as you came up for me, this and that person is probably going to say, this is crazy because I thought of you yesterday, and I was going to hit you, and I didn't, and now you're hitting me like saying I came up for you and you're like, yeah, I stopped.
• 16:01
  Think about my grocery list, and you came up for me and that person going to be like, yeah, okay, well, yeah, I want to hit you because I'm dealing with this or this happened.
• 16:11
  And I thought you be a good person to talk to, and I don't like.
• 16:14
  I don't want to bug you and.
• 16:15
  No, no, no. Okay.
• 16:16
  well, now we're on the phone.
• 16:18
  What's going on?
• 16:21
  So apart from people coming up like that or having clarity on your grocery list, what do you feel like?
• 16:29
  How has meditation changed you?
• 16:33
  It's me being more in touch with, like what's going on with me.
• 16:37
  And I think, we live in a world where people are sort of pushed a more inclined and, geared toward looking outward.
• 16:52
  Looking at other people, their lives, what do they do?
• 16:55
  We see a lot of people are on social media talking about other people do what they don't know, ideas, things.
• 17:02
  And so how many of those people sit quietly for like an hour a day, you know, because it's, you know, their their mission is to output looking outward.
• 17:12
  And so for me and I put out things and make things and write things and all that kind of stuff.
• 17:18
  So I have to really be in touch with myself.
• 17:20
  And my inner voice is all person.
• 17:21
  I was led by inspiration, led by creativity, led by good.
• 17:25
  And so you got to be super internal.
• 17:28
  Like, we just saw a Super Bowl halftime show from part one of the great artists.
• 17:32
  And I think what he talks about, I listen to his music.
• 17:34
  It's very much internal.
• 17:37
  You know, introspective.
• 17:38
  It's all sort of looking within, getting quiet.
• 17:41
  Man in the garden.
• 17:42
  He is like, I got to be so locked in.
• 17:46
  That's how you come up with something.
• 17:47
  It's like, oh, sort of stage, like a, like a PlayStation is like game over.
• 17:54
  And like it's a game that's the person is sitting with themselves and, like, listening to their inner thoughts, you know, even says, I hear God whispering to me, I bet you do.
• 18:03
  You got to listen.
• 18:04
  And what it's telling you in every way, shape or form, don't listen.
• 18:10
  Don't get quiet when you tell people like, yeah, sit quietly for an hour when people literally go, I can't think of anything scarier, of course, because the world is crazy to be afraid of your own thoughts.
• 18:20
  But your own thoughts are what take you to so many places.
• 18:26
  I love it, Lena. This is what I meant.
• 18:28
  This is what I meant.
• 18:29
  I thought possible for you to do an interview without dropping some bombs on us.
• 18:35
  I'm so happy you're here.
• 18:39
  That makes me happy.
• 18:40
  I'm going say I like people.
• 18:41
  And this people like when I tell it.
• 18:42
  Like how it's going to take some time to get quiet.
• 18:44
  I know for a fact, a particular person said I can't think of anything scarier or anything more like torturous.
• 18:54
  And that is such, education about that person that no judgment, no judgment.
• 19:03
  But this is so telling.
• 19:04
  So tell me, how does meditation and being in touch with yourself, how does that tie in to your own spiritual belief system like you believe in God?
• 19:16
  That's a question. But on this.
• 19:18
  So your spiritual belief system, like how does it all connect for you?
• 19:22
  You know, having Kendrick say, oh, I'm, I feel like with God's whispering to me like is that is it all God's whispers is it a source.
• 19:30
  Is it what do you think?
• 19:33
  Yeah. It's interesting.
• 19:33
  I mean, it's like isn't you look at, I was watching that old interview.
• 19:38
  it's funny about the interview that was taking place in 1999 when Larry King interviewing Prince.
• 19:44
  I love it.
• 19:45
  Yeah, I love it. You're out.
• 19:46
  You're always uncovering stuff like this.
• 19:48
  Yeah. But, like, but, you know, Larry King.
• 19:51
  Ask God as as God asked Prince about his relationship with God.
• 19:55
  And Prince is very clear and adamant.
• 19:57
  You know about like that.
• 19:57
  God is the reason.
• 20:00
  You know God is the source of everything, but also his source, obviously.
• 20:05
  And Kendrick obviously has a you know, is us raps about that.
• 20:09
  And so that God is a constant in all my work.
• 20:12
  I mean, but I think a big thing even like in 20s, they go to church and and Queen of slams of the gospel music because it helps calm him like I'm, yes, was raised in a church, raised in a church and led by a black woman.
• 20:24
  South side of Chicago choirs, universal temple, Johnny Coleman.
• 20:27
  So me being a young black girl in Chicago, the minister of maturity, the black woman, she's the founder of the church.
• 20:34
  And so, she also preached prosperity and God's, you know, created the kingdom.
• 20:39
  Therefore we should have the keys to it. And so, it is so he's like and also we were created in God's image.
• 20:46
  And so that idea that to me, meditation is a form of prayer.
• 20:52
  and so my inner voice is God speaking to me because I believe my inner voice is given to me by God.
• 20:58
  So it's all sort of connected.
• 21:00
  And I don't separate the two.
• 21:01
  I'm reading a book right now about Doctor King called A life.
• 21:04
  It is really about how, yes, he's a minister, he's a reverend, but he also has a PhD.
• 21:08
  So he's able to to have a relationship between God and, you know, he's saying what I love about Doctor King is that he's proof that one can be religious and and intellectual.
• 21:19
  I think sometimes people think the two things, can't call. It that intercept is tricky in our society.
• 21:25
  But in modern day there's like the science of spirituality is a whole course you can take at Columbia.
• 21:33
  when you believe in something bigger than yourself, I'm going to totally mess up all the scientific of it.
• 21:39
  But some little light goes off in your brain when you believe in something bigger than yourself.
• 21:44
  And that light bulb, when that light bulb is on.
• 21:47
  The amount of depression, suicide rates, all of with people whose light is on all of that is down by like 80%.
• 21:56
  60% like all these crazy big statistics about just believing in something that's bigger than us, which that's science.
• 22:05
  I mean, that's science that's showing that there's the hope and the belief is, you know, stronger than fear and feeling alone.
• 22:15
  No, I mean, it's interesting because it's like James Baldwin, obviously, the hero of mine is like he said, I'm an optimist because I'm alive.
• 22:25
  I love.
• 22:25
  You know, obviously a person who's a believer in God.
• 22:29
  Please raise the children.
• 22:30
  The dad was a minister, right.
• 22:32
  I think that when you believe in something bigger than yourself, it humbles you.
• 22:37
  And I think it in a in a beautiful way to down.
• 22:40
  Be humble.
• 22:41
  Let's all go.
• 22:44
  road sleep.
• 22:45
  All ties back to Kendrick. Oh, I love it.
• 22:49
  So in Hollywood space, I feel like there's this juxtaposition that's like glitz and glamor of Hollywood and the smoke and mirrors of it all.
• 23:01
  And then there's this art that's being created that's, like, so meaningful and beautiful and profound and changes people.
• 23:10
  And I just such a polarity.
• 23:12
  I'm just curious what your take is being on the inside circle.
• 23:16
  Does it feel like there's a lot of surf?
• 23:19
  Is it does it depend on the people?
• 23:20
  Is it feel like there's a lot of surface relationships?
• 23:23
  Are you, you know, talking about these existential experiences and meditation on the red carpet.
• 23:29
  While.
• 23:30
  I'm on the red carpet?
• 23:31
  Maybe, I don't know, maybe some people are, I don't know.
• 23:35
  Like you just ask him, like, how does it all work together?
• 23:40
  Because, like, Hollywood seems so superficial.
• 23:42
  yeah.
• 23:42
  I mean, I think, well, no, I mean, I think Hollywood sometimes people can dismiss it because it seems frivolous.
• 23:56
  But on the other hand, Hollywood and society are reflection of each other.
• 24:04
  Anthony Mackie being the new Captain America is a reflection of society.
• 24:10
  Just the way gone with the wind at one point was a function of our society.
• 24:14
  So was you to go from the Wizard of Oz to Wicked?
• 24:18
  You know these Hollywood is here to show us ourselves through fantasy, because sometimes society doesn't like looking in the mirror.
• 24:27
  And it is an artist's job, whether it be a director who wasn't Alfred Hitchcock to Spike Lee, to Justin Simeon, to Barry Jenkins to, you know, Gina Prince-Bythewood, Ryan Coogler, Avi Rockwell, Radha Blank, all these people are artists who work in a very interesting business, and what they want to do is put images on the screen that will live as time capsules.
• 25:00
  So that way in ten, 20 years, people can look back and look at that work.
• 25:04
  And I I've also make my own contributions, you know, with with a film like Clean and Slam, it's very much a time capsule.
• 25:11
  very much something that I had to say at the time.
• 25:14
  And then you look at beauty.
• 25:17
  that is also a time capsule takes place in a period of time.
• 25:21
  And I was just born in the 80s.
• 25:23
  And so I was saying something about what it is to be black and queer and to have a gift and to feel like you have a responsibility to your family, to your community, to your people.
• 25:35
  But then what is your responsibility to yourself?
• 25:38
  So these are things I may be grappling with, but I tell that story to a character, and then other people can see themselves and can then maybe empathize about what it means to be other, to be different, to be gifted, and what that means for that person and what it means for other people and the sacrifices that are made.
• 25:57
  And so again, movies sometimes can help us have conversations that we can't start on our own.
• 26:02
  So Hollywood is more than just glitz and glamor, but I think it's a bunch of people that are willing to to be vulnerable and to to create time capsules for us so we don't forget who we were.
• 26:17
  This is a question that I'm asking everyone, and it ties in to your spiritualism.
• 26:22
  Or maybe it doesn't, but curious what you think happens when we die.
• 26:32
  You know, I don't know.
• 26:34
  And I think that to me is something that's really beautiful.
• 26:39
  And I think we all could afford to say those three words more.
• 26:43
  I don't know if people are for it.
• 26:45
  People are.
• 26:45
  It's almost like it's scary if people are scared to say that where they are, I love you or I trust you.
• 26:50
  Right?
• 26:51
  Finding the power in that.
• 26:55
  I don't have to know.
• 26:57
  Oh, I always have to know everything.
• 26:59
  And I think we spend our lives trying to feel like we do.
• 27:03
  Because you feel less than. Or you feel weak or you feel inadequate if you like.
• 27:06
  You don't know the answer to a question.
• 27:08
  And so I think it's okay not to know I watch a great movie conclave.
• 27:14
  There's really beautiful speech in it by Ray finds his characters talking about they have to get a new pope because the pope has died and so and he's and he's sort of encouraging the, the, the people, the clergy that are there to, to select a new pope is to tell them that, you know, they must be wary of certainty because that is the enemy of progress.
• 27:35
  And it really hit me that I think a lot of us are so caught up in being right, knowing, being all knowing.
• 27:45
  We have to make space to to still be curious.
• 27:50
  And so, like my one of the years, why we don't ask it enough, I think we just accept things as they are.
• 27:59
  And I think doing that has gotten us to where we are right now.
• 28:02
  We got to start asking the question, why do we do the things that we do?
• 28:07
  and why can't we change that?
• 28:09
  Well.
• 28:13
  Just wow.
• 28:14
  Are you kidding me?
• 28:16
  This.
• 28:21
  That's where.
• 28:22
  That. God.
• 28:22
  That's why.
• 28:30
  Why you think.
• 28:31
  Why should I ask you what the word is? Why? Why?
• 28:34
  Why is the word why?
• 28:35
  No, we know why.
• 28:35
  We know why we get it.
• 28:37
  We get it.
• 28:38
  I really just want to like and giggle.
• 28:46
  Oh, Jesus.
• 28:50
  Truly, when you answer these questions like.
• 28:52
  Something.
• 28:53
  Comes over you, you realize that you know. That.
• 28:59
  You know, like, I don't know if you know, but like, literally like you could hear a pin drop.
• 29:06
  There is like something channeling through you.
• 29:10
  It's like you don't say the word.
• 29:11
  you don't say the word like you're.
• 29:13
  Just. Dropping.
• 29:15
  Did you know that you do this?
• 29:19
  Because I, I.
• 29:21
  Honestly like what the actual fuck this is.
• 29:24
  What?
• 29:25
  This is why every time I open, this is what I met.
• 29:28
  This is what I met.
• 29:29
  Like I didn't actually think that this is what this conversation was going to be, but here we are.
• 29:35
  Here we are.
• 29:36
  Alive.
• 29:37
  Are you trying to act all like you, asking.
• 29:39
  These deep ask questions like, what do you think happened after we. Got.
• 29:45
  Any of these?
• 29:46
  Like, you are deep like bitch.
• 29:48
  Like I don't know.
• 29:50
  Are you starting to see it?
• 29:52
  I saw myself.
• 29:56
  Like what?
• 29:58
  Why did you tell me this?
• 30:00
  I saw myself, thought I was going to die at peace with.
• 30:04
  Okay.
• 30:07
  Okay.
• 30:07
  I would have been fucked up, but.
• 30:09
  I can you imagine?
• 30:13
  So you like, I could like, Like I'm that.
• 30:17
  Okay? We're thriving.
• 30:19
  We're thriving over here.
• 30:20
  We're fine. I mean, that's like.
• 30:22
  Know that you acted like I would have it all, Okay, well, I know if.
• 30:28
  We would have, because you said that.
• 30:30
  Real casual, like.
• 30:33
  Got it.
• 30:34
  Oh, gosh.
• 30:36
  Lena, that's what this podcast is about.
• 30:37
  Do you understand?
• 30:39
  Do you understand? I see shit.
• 30:42
  Everyone takes everything so goddamn seriously.
• 30:45
  I'm like, let's you like, what if we are all just souls that our consciousness can pop out of our bodies?
• 30:53
  Oh my God.
• 30:54
  Like, I'm so glad you lived.
• 30:56
  Experience.
• 30:58
  Let you know.
• 30:59
  What it is.
• 31:02
  That we can't.
• 31:04
  But yeah, now we can.
• 31:06
  We. The dark night is over.
• 31:08
  We all. Okay?
• 31:10
  That shit.
• 31:12
  Bitch, you almost die while pregnant.
• 31:15
  I'm like.
• 31:16
  Yo, we had to get some years away from that.
• 31:18
  I can't be.
• 31:19
  Like, chuckles. Oh.
• 31:24
  We're here.
• 31:25
  Never forget we are now. Yeah, yeah.
• 31:28
  Four years away.
• 31:29
  And oh gosh.
• 31:30
  I mean so the first episode of this podcast is all about crack open moments.
• 31:34
  And I talked to my friend Whitney, who lives here in Rochester, and she had two babies die after childbirth.
• 31:44
  Oh my gosh.
• 31:45
  And it cracked her open too.
• 31:47
  And we have this very raw but like full of light conversation about it because we have like it has changed us.
• 31:55
  And that is why I'm doing this, okay?
• 31:58
  Because it's like, I know, but I do like the thing is, the spirituality is what I found.
• 32:05
  And now that, you know, when I what I got cracked open and, you know, Kristen, my sister, who says hi, by the way.
• 32:12
  Yes, we get on all that.
• 32:14
  she but she's an intuitive now.
• 32:17
  She talks to spirit guides and channels and it's like she is so tapped in and so cool.
• 32:25
  But, you know, she sat on my couch and said, you know, in 2021, which the year after the accident, she was like, I've been studying.
• 32:34
  I think that we are all in a soul family.
• 32:39
  And I believe that when we die, our souls go back home and we are having this human experience here.
• 32:50
  We judge ourselves but without judgment, like we kind of do a life review and then we realize the lessons that we need to learn, and we basically switch up our roles in our family, and we're going to come back and do it again.
• 33:07
  In a different way.
• 33:08
  Right now, I'm your sister right now, and that's your husband.
• 33:11
  And right now these are your kids.
• 33:14
  Lena's your friend.
• 33:15
  In another life, the roles are going to maybe be reversed, and you'll play different roles in each other's lives.
• 33:24
  I mean, talk about brain explosion.
• 33:27
  I was like. Steve.
• 33:30
  Is that cool that I was like, oh, that sounds cool, because then it's like, you know, we don't know what's going to happen when we die.
• 33:36
  But if we think we get to come back and do it again, like, isn't that fun?
• 33:40
  Well, obviously.
• 33:41
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 33:43
  So it's like it's not the end like thing feeling like it's not the end.
• 33:46
  But I also feel like it's definitely not the end because I saw myself separate from my body.
• 33:49
  So we're just on an explorative movie here, Lena.
• 33:53
  That's just proof that, like, you know.
• 33:56
  It's real.
• 33:57
  Shit's real.
• 33:58
  That's crazy.
• 33:59
  Yeah.
• 33:59
  You're going you're not going to be the same after that, clearly.
• 34:02
  Oh, I'm not.
• 34:03
  This is not that the same? Not the same.
• 34:05
  But yeah.
• 34:06
  I also feel like there isn't like I'm not a different person than I was, but I definitely but know that my mind was turbulent before this.
• 34:17
  when I look back on it.
• 34:20
  Adjusting.
• 34:21
  Being at the Ellen Show and the egos, Matt and I were not on the same page.
• 34:25
  We were not.
• 34:26
  That's there.
• 34:28
  And like, this has just given me the, like, peace to show up.
• 34:33
  Take a deep breath through them instead of like doing that like reactive thing that I used to do or, you know, make the snappy comment.
• 34:41
  I was just saying, cause I wouldn't have thought of you as like as, like a hot mess before, you know, someone else who would just say, like, was like, you are not clear, because I think sometimes people could think it wasn't like I was like, oh Lord God, Lord, before, before you know, it just I mean, you have regular problems and things that people go through, but was it like worried about you and the state of your life?
• 35:04
  But I think what you're saying is you want to wake to some things.
• 35:10
  Maybe there's just there's been an internal shift, right?
• 35:14
  Right.
• 35:15
  Of like a clarity where, and I think that's like something that you find in meditation.
• 35:22
  And I have, like, by exploring all of it, it's just giving me peace around the chaos.
• 35:30
  Like, what would I when you said that, that line that you said that I just, you know, made fun of you about birth in the beginning? Yes.
• 35:37
  When I see myself in the eye of the storm, I look at my feet like that.
• 35:41
  Why did that stick with me?
• 35:41
  That's differently. Because.
• 35:44
  Yeah.
• 35:45
  No need to, like, wrap yourself up in the storm.
• 35:48
  Know, because it's not going to make the storm pass any faster.
• 35:52
  It's not.
• 35:52
  It is not going to make the experience even more pleasant.
• 35:56
  So I think sometimes people it is happening now.
• 35:59
  I mean, people.
• 36:04
  The best way to think about it is if it's if you're at home and it's raining and you are upset that it's raining, you have a choice.
• 36:15
  You can either be upset while you wait for the rain to pass, or you can enjoy the sound of the rain on your window and embrace it.
• 36:29
  Or you can walk outside and dance in it.
• 36:33
  It's about how you choose to see it.
• 36:35
  It's about perception.
• 36:36
  So now you have that. Now.
• 36:39
  Now, were you always like this or did there like this became something that you have learned over the years?
• 36:46
  I mean, definitely have to learn it. Yeah. I think people I think evolution is real and more ways than one.
• 36:53
  And I think evolution is also scary because as you evolve, you have to change.
• 37:00
  You have to adapt.
• 37:02
  And we have to always be evolving.
• 37:04
  But some people, we have to understand that we live in a world where there are people that embrace these moments of change and people that say, okay, that happened and I'm going to continue on the way I was and not judge the people because there are people that could survive what you did and went right on back to what they were doing.
• 37:29
  And the truth is, there are a lot of people that probably do that and their own version of what you went through, let's be specific, obviously, but their own version of that and what I went through, you know, like I said, I wasn't near death, but still it was something that changed me.
• 37:44
  And I learn something about myself.
• 37:47
  and so I think whatever that moment is for anyone, it's about, how do you want that moment to affect you?
• 37:56
  Is it just a scar that you have, or is it something that reminds you of a time where you were in one spot and then you shifted into another, and you want to stay shifting?
• 38:11
  But yeah, so many people don't want to shift, because what I realized was that it takes a lot more from you, the to choose to be different every day.
• 38:24
  Yeah, it's I feel like maybe it starts that way, but I.
• 38:29
  Begins hard. It's not easy.
• 38:32
  I feel like once you get there.
• 38:34
  It's easier. To live. It's temporary.
• 38:37
  It's temporary. Yeah, yeah.
• 38:38
  The struggle, the uncomfortableness.
• 38:41
  Because you're doing something new, you're rewiring.
• 38:43
  You learn how to walk again.
• 38:45
  And that's not fun.
• 38:47
  But when you get it out of side, you realize, oh, I'm in a new space and I like it here.
• 38:53
  But some people don't want to walk through that uncomfortable, you know?
• 38:56
  Yeah. Do you want to go through rehab?
• 38:58
  You want to go through like, you know, the detox you don't have to go through?
• 39:03
  Yeah.
• 39:03
  You know, physical therapy and having too many other things you actually have to go through.
• 39:07
  And for some people it's mental. Yeah.
• 39:10
  You know.
• 39:11
  Well that's I feel like what the beauty is about moments like this and then choosing the other side, like the rock bottom that you feel.
• 39:18
  And I've actually gotten since, since I put the trailer out for this and since the first episode, I've gotten so many people, which is like, this is exactly what I wanted.
• 39:28
  So people have reached out saying, oh my gosh, this happened to me, and it cracked me open.
• 39:35
  But it's all good, and it's hard to make it feel like it was good because it was dark and bad for a long time.
• 39:41
  Of course.
• 39:41
  The beauty of the present moment, like finding the beauty in that I feel like is hard for us to because we're just like, on to the next in this capitalist society thing.
• 39:51
  But no, that's why I love this so much.
• 39:53
  Oh, it's so. Beautiful.
• 39:55
  Know what I mean?
• 39:55
  Thank you for sharing that with me.
• 39:56
  I really appreciated donkey's, Grammy's speech.
• 40:00
  and which she, she mentioned, sobriety and, and I think that's the only reason why she's had success, but she just really just spoke about it in terms of her spiritual journey and how it's really helped her. It's just very interesting.
• 40:13
  And I think, again, I was able to feel like, oh, is that the answer?
• 40:16
  That there's no such thing.
• 40:17
  But I think for the it's just interesting about how you remove something from your day to day that helps you maybe cope a little bit, and then you find new coping mechanisms and how that can be a shift and even taking breaks sometimes, you know, I smoke weed and then I'll take a break and I'm like traveling lost somewhere and was great at that.
• 40:40
  I don't, you know, I'm not losing my mind or whatever I might be.
• 40:44
  You know, I'm not.
• 40:45
  And so that's also a thing too, understanding that if I wanted to break, if I didn't have to do this and there's a I can separate it not needing something to necessarily get by, but how can I what what can I do internally, maybe to bring me, that same sort of peace finding ways to do that without external help, if that helps, someone doesn't have to be everybody's journey.
• 41:16
  that's another thing too. Everybody's different.
• 41:18
  Everybody find different things.
• 41:19
  And so I think people are often looking to others saying, well, what did you do?
• 41:23
  Let me see if that works for me, which is totally fine.
• 41:25
  You can try different things, but I really do.
• 41:28
  That's why I really wanted to be clear here.
• 41:30
  I don't have a set regimen like at this time every day.
• 41:34
  I mean, I try to do when I wake up after the dog.
• 41:37
  Okay, so I could be different times depending on the day, but I don't want to lock myself in.
• 41:42
  I just want to make sure, hey, and as long as I got it done, as long as I have some quiet, that that's the agreement with myself.
• 41:48
  And so people have to come up with an agreement with themselves that has nothing to do with anybody else other than them.
• 41:54
  What do you make of like other spiritual modalities, like looking outside yourself, but also like looking to like like astrology?
• 42:01
  I know you've said, you know, Taurus like, I know I've heard you say that over and over again.
• 42:05
  Like, what do you make?
• 42:06
  And like, what do you what stock do you put in something like astrology?
• 42:12
  I mean, I'm not as well versed and maybe some of our friends.
• 42:17
  but I think it's part of this all pieces.
• 42:19
  You know, I don't I'm not, you know.
• 42:22
  Yeah. I don't do tarot cards.
• 42:24
  I don't know all that kind of stuff, but I but I respect it, I appreciate it.
• 42:27
  I don't look down on anybody, I don't I don't yuck anybody's, you know.
• 42:31
  Yeah. Right. I mean that's literally completely overwhelming.
• 42:36
  I've tried to, you know, there's a we're shooting this on a full moon.
• 42:39
  It's a full moon today. I don't know.
• 42:41
  I do like. Know. Yeah. So I know.
• 42:44
  Well that's the thing.
• 42:45
  Like I might this the episode that went out today is all about like harnessing lunar power.
• 42:49
  And it's interesting because you talked about the mirroring of celebrity culture in our society.
• 42:56
  And in this episode we talk about the law of correspondence, which is, you know, a universal law that so is below.
• 43:02
  So it was above.
• 43:04
  And how our external environment is a mirror of our internal environment.
• 43:07
  Right.
• 43:08
  And I just thought that was so interesting.
• 43:10
  But also, you know, I was asking her whether or not like, oh, when my kids are losing their goddamn mind, does that mean it's chaos happening inside me?
• 43:19
  so, you know.
• 43:20
  So it doesn't mean you.
• 43:23
  That might be your kids.
• 43:24
  Yeah, right.
• 43:25
  That's what she says belongs to you.
• 43:27
  Yeah.
• 43:28
  Seems like a. Pattern, you know, you figure that out.
• 43:30
  But does that mean.
• 43:32
  But, Lena, I love you so much.
• 43:35
  Thank you so much for doing this.
• 43:37
  Oh, of course.
• 43:37
  Thank you for having me. So, so amazing.
• 43:39
  You have some beautiful questions.
• 43:39
  Oh my gosh.
• 43:41
  Thank you.
• 43:42
  And I just like, love some like an hour alone with you I know.
• 43:47
  But again let me know the next time you know.
• 43:50
  You know my neck of the woods.
• 43:52
  I definitely well, well I love you.
• 43:54
  Love you too.
• 43:56
  And, yeah, I'll talk to you soon.
• 43:59
  Thank you, Lena, and thank you for listening to the Wu report.
• 44:04
  Will you be quieting your mind?
• 44:06
  Getting still.
• 44:07
  I've been doing it since we recorded with Lena.
• 44:09
  And I find the outside world is rarely quiet.
• 44:13
  I've thought about Lena's words many times already for way more woo woo.
• 44:17
  Please follow and subscribe to the report podcasts on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you love to listen.
• 44:27
  Thank you for liking, sharing, reading, and loving on this little slice of magic.
• 44:31
  I am so, so grateful you are here. I.
• 44:38
  First heard.